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I just read an article on the LA Foster system that they are desperately seeking beds for the unaccompanied migrant youth coming over the border. We haven't been certified in LA County in over 2 years, since we adopted our littlest rugrat, and technically we are full with 4 kids in 2 bedrooms. BUT my husband and I are willing to reopen our home for temporary shelter for anyone who needs a bed. Is anyone here based in Los Angeles who can verify the call for beds, and help us figure out if emergency certification is a thing? We'd hate to waste months going through training again, the house is essentially as it was left 2 years ago. Locks are on cabinets, we'd have to lock the knives away again, and we'd have to move a bunch of toys to put in new bunk beds or cribs or whatever. But, we are willing to do it. So, how can we help? I put feelers out to our old contacts at the foster agency, as well as our most recent County social worker, but with Covid protocols people aren't in their offices and I don't know who to call. Thanks in advance for any help y'all can give!
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Mar 24, 2021 22:11
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Do you speak Spanish? Because that's usually who they are desperately seeking in those circumstances. I'd call their county on boarding staff and see what they have to say - Foster and adoption recruitment (888) 811-1121 Also, agency homes are limited to two children per bedroom, but county homes can go up to four, with six kids total in the home.
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Mar 25, 2021 00:51
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Mocking Bird posted:Do you speak Spanish? Because that's usually who they are desperately seeking in those circumstances. I did not know that, about the 4 kids in a room bit! I have 4 already so I could take in 2 more, but yeah it's the training that would suck to have to do all over again. I hope there's some kind of emergency authorization thing they can do, all that paperwork takes so much time. I get why it's important, the car review and the doctor's records and all that. If this is truly an emergency, I'm hoping they will bypass that stuff and do an in-home inspection for temporary status. I reached out to DCFS, our old private agency, and two other private agencies. They all pointed me in circles, but one place apparently has been doing these kinds of cases with the county so I hope they get back to me tomorrow. With everyone I spoke to today, I said I didn't want to start the foster certification process all over again but that if there was an emergency service I could offer then keep us in mind. We just don't have the time or resources to be full-time long-term foster parents, but I can't just stand by and do nothing. None of these social workers saw any alarm bells or heard of any massive influx of new kids, which made me a little angry for falling for hysterical media coverage but also grateful to put our names out into the world. Maybe HHS will resolve everything quickly?  And no, I don't speak Spanish but my kids are all in a DI program and could translate a bit if needed.
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Mar 25, 2021 04:28
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teen moving out to stepmoms family probably today it's a dream come true. omg . we survived e: he's been back twice already for clothes and he keeps saying he's coming back. our official meeting for moving out is next week, *pats teen gently* NONE of us are staying here lol I'm packing my stuff up next Paratan fucked around with this message at 02:00 on Apr 1, 2021 |
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Mar 26, 2021 12:57
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https://www.crisisprevention.com/Blog/FASD What is this, is this for cops? Is there a foster parent version of this page because the short paragraphs are really good and I'm about to copypaste it to some pastors, etc. who will be interacting with my teen when i move away and he's still in the area with his family ;__; I'm mad I just learned about fetal alcohol spectrum disoreders like 6 months ago when I was listening to podcasts to make me feel better abouty my teen's behaviors because "at least he's not THAT bad" lmao and then i asked someone who knew biomom for confirmation of prenatal alcholo exposure hahaha everything's falling into place... edit: ALSO i had already been practicing dealing w/brain trauma due to dementia!!!!!!! i found good results when i interacted with him like one of my dementia friends while thinking "but... but he's not an old person!" so if that website would just tell me everything without my "organization name" i'd really appreciate it. Paratan fucked around with this message at 13:29 on Apr 7, 2021 |
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Apr 7, 2021 13:25
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Engineer Lenk posted:Hey my fellow trauma-informed peeps, That seems like an ok starting off point to me? How'd it go? I realized I have already packed away most of my books but when I looked it up in the old Boys Town manual, they had lists like How to listen, how to follow directions, how to accept compliments, etc. that were so granular I can't actually expect my teen in particular to ReMEMBER the steps all by himself. edit: thanks I will go through that v Paratan fucked around with this message at 11:52 on Apr 10, 2021 |
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Apr 9, 2021 12:00
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Paratan posted:https://www.crisisprevention.com/Blog/FASD It might not be exactly what you're looking for for FAS/FAES information and tips but the University of Washington's FAS clinic has a page. Check it out here. They're the primary diagnostic clinic for WA and have a lot of info.
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Apr 10, 2021 03:32
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Paratan posted:That seems like an ok starting off point to me? How'd it go? Yeah I think the multiple step thing might work better if he was as autistic as I am. It's at least got him thinking about things, but three steps is still 2 more than is easy for him to remember. Tonight's quote from him (which should in and of itself be diagnostic for ADHD): As I was saying, before I was interrupted by MY drat BRAIN.
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Apr 11, 2021 04:11
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Engineer Lenk posted:... Oh man I feel this. I just got done reading a wikipedia article on ball bearings that somehow interrupted making breakfast.
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Apr 17, 2021 14:49
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Ok well found out I'm not going to have room to foster when I move this summer. CASA here I come mayhaps e: oh my god this looks boring as poo poo, is there a CASA in here?? Paratan fucked around with this message at 14:35 on May 7, 2021 |
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May 5, 2021 13:56
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HELLO AGAIN THREAD idk if it's moved on, but heres an update anyway: I was so luck y and my teen as well, to have best outcome ever imo (he moved in w/his "Mom"), which wasn't even part of anyones plan when he first was placed with me. And he's only contacted me twice so far to ask for money because his mom keeps buying groceries and gas (ohhh nOooo i only gave him some on his bday cause hes still only a tiny 19 year old baby uwu) I recommend fostering a big awkward weirdo some time!!! Did I post about that time he needed to express to me how hot some Disney channel guy was. lmfao memories. But probably read a book and listen to podcast or something! I do not recommend what happened to me (getting a teen before i could even tell anyone or go through a foster parent training JFC). even though it turned out good. The in-depth books are still good (connected child, body keeps the score), if you're a noob to trauma I also recommend Behavior with a purpose as a short to-the-point intro to behaviors u may struggle to accept should they come up. (Cruelty to animals, lying, defiance, stealing, wetting behaviors, hoarding food) And be ready to work on accepting YOUR trauma (and possibly your spouse's) because it will Come Out in new ways that ur not allowed to take out on a child. I got my official CASE CLOSED mail to add to my giant binder. Is there something you do with this information besides keep it in a bookshelf btw. I gave his mom my Teen binder with his copies of everything I was keeping for him. GOOD LUCK EVERYONE
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Aug 17, 2021 13:54
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Congrats! We have a court date for adoption this Thursday. Kid wants to burn his life book but thus far I haven't let him. We'll see if the judge comments on the hair color (currently half blue, half purple). I can't wait until school starts (1 week), and I dearly hope that his school will be spared by Covid; he's vaccinated but the school is K-12. I would add 'The Explosive Child' by Ross Greene to the book rec pile.
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Aug 17, 2021 14:27
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Thread got quiet. We haven't been foster parents aka resource families for a few years, but I happened to chat with a County Social Worker here in Los Angeles and what she told me was very sobering. You know how everyone went out and adopted dogs during the pandemic and then when they started going back into the office the dogs have all been turned into shelters and there is an overwhelming numbers of dogs back in the shelter system? Yeah, it's happening with foster care as well. She is seeing a shocking amount of turnover, sometimes for the smallest, most minor behavioral issues. One family asked for a child to be rehomed because he wasn't "grateful" enough. She trained these people, she has worked with them through the pandemic, she cries all the time and is on the verge of quitting because of this behavior from foster families. I was stunned, but then I realized the pandemic really has brought out the worst in people somehow and maybe she was experiencing that in a very unfortunate way.
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Nov 8, 2021 08:18
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^^ This is so loving bleak. People can be so godawful.
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Nov 8, 2021 10:34
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That is horrible. Seriously. Like, I know that kind of thing gets discussed in training, what's wrong with those people? Anyhow... hello thread. My wife and I have recently talked to an agency. There's some stuff we have to clarify wrt to the fostering contract but those are details, we want to do it. We are in a yuropian country, so some of the advice might not apply, legal and whatnot, but I have been reading your comments for years. I plan to reread this thread. We opted for a program me that's centered on refugee teenagers, 95% of them boys. We thought those kids have as much need, and they also risk aging out. Chances are it will be someone from the 2015 wave of displacement. So yeah. You, friends, all rock.
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Nov 8, 2021 15:28
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Anyone have advice on what 9-year-olds like and what they should be responsible for? This would also be my first placement who is female, though I'm not sure how much gender matters. I have tentatively signed on to help out part of a sibling set (2 of at least 5 sibs, possibly with more over age 20) that has been separated. All my parenting experience is calibrated to tween/teen boy (which comprises 1/2 and is likely why they haven't yet been able to get them a spot together).
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Dec 1, 2021 16:53
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I think I asked about heritage camps here in the before times. Well, now I’ve just returned from Latin American Heritage Camp. It was great. I mean really GREAT. Having our kid spend a bunch of time with peers (latin a/o kids that have been adopted, often from other countries), with counselors that have gone through the camp themselves (often for 8-10 years), and us parents attending sessions where (now) adult adoptees sat on panels and talked about their experiences as adopted children in transracial families was supremely enlightening. Kid made friends in first ten minutes Hearing the adult adoptees speak was something else. It really bought home to us what our kid is/will be dealing with, their own feelings about being adopted and how the world sees them and how they see themselves.. Being around 80 other families that had made the choice of adoption, often multiple times, was a tremendous feeling. Us being in a parent peer group was also very awesome. I even made a couple of friends in a couple of hours - as an adult, making a connection on this level is rare, and usually takes significant time. All these folks have been in the same trenches, dealing with the same issues. People were from all over the US, we had 37 states represented. The adult adoptee panels were tough, I’m still tearing up writing this. The kids had their own activities with counselors during the day, both silly/practical (making galeta, tortillas, discoteca etc) and also sessions geared towards them being able to express their feelings and develop their identities, using methods appropriate to their age. Adults got to pitch in and volunteer as there is a tremendous amount of effort involved, and the camaraderie was wonderful.
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Jun 26, 2022 23:52
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In case anyone is still reading this very dead thread, I would like to rant a bit. I am now 4 years in, and have struggled painfully trying to understand what my kid will be capable of and needs. Rewards, consequences, CBT, DBT, most of the standard behavior modification just doesn’t seem to work because the connection between action and consequence is kind of missing. This is one of the hallmarks of FASD (they check a ton of boxes for the subdiagnosis ARND under the fetal alcohol spectrum otherwise: impulsivity, irritability, inability to follow multi step instructions, literal thinker, indiscriminately friendly, balance and coordination issues, lagging social skills, and very poor working memory). But we will never get a diagnosis because bio mom swears she never drank while pregnant, and paternal alcohol use contribution is still in the rat study stage. Where do I go from here? I’ve seen some academic growth in the past four years, at about half the rate of a neurotypical child half their age. Behavioral issues have become more pronounced but most residential treatment is predicated on reward/consequence behavior modification (and many will not take kids with an IQ <70). I’ve locked everything up and they haven’t threatened to kill me in the last month, so that’s better, but it doesn’t seem completely sustainable.
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Jan 26, 2024 20:57
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I don't have any answers but just wanted to post anyway to get more exposure to your question/rant. My experience is limited, and not based in the US (assuming that's where you're coming from.) I host kids in the foster system where their foster parents have the kids stay with me for a weekend, a school holiday or in between for whatever reason (could be anything from just needing a break, obligations or a (severe) crisis.) One of the things I learned early on is that the amount of thought and consideration you (and I) put into these questions is above and beyond what most primary caregivers give these kinds of questions, so just that is good on you. I realise that doesn't help you one bit practically, but I wanted it to be said. Another thing I learned is that even though we see the way the things could be given enough resources, most of the time those resourses just aren't available for whatever reason and while we do the best we can, we end up feeling like we're failing those kids. I try to keep in mind that without us the same kids would've been so much worse off. We do what we can and as it is even with raising typical kids in a typical environment, if they don't live up to their potential we did what we could. Life isn't fair and there's no fixing that, but at least we can mitigate the damage somewhat. Anyway, as I said, no answers to your questions/rant but the only thing I have to offer is a rant in return telling you you're doing good and to keep it up. Taeke fucked around with this message at 21:53 on Jan 26, 2024 |
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Jan 26, 2024 21:50
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Engineer Lenk posted:In case anyone is still reading this very dead thread, I would like to rant a bit. Will they seriously not diagnose if Mom won't cop to drinking? And just not mentioning to the doctor that Mom is still in the picture isn't possible?
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Jan 26, 2024 23:30
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Blue Footed Booby posted:Will they seriously not diagnose if Mom won't cop to drinking? And just not mentioning to the doctor that Mom is still in the picture isn't possible? Only complete FAS can be diagnosed without confirmed prenatal alcohol exposure. And my kiddo doesn’t have the flat philtrim, microcephaly, etc. Mom wants to blame everything on dad (who died about 5 years ago). Alcohol abuse was the major factor in her losing and not regaining custody, but she swears it didn’t start till later so…
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Jan 27, 2024 02:25
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Engineer Lenk posted:Only complete FAS can be diagnosed without confirmed prenatal alcohol exposure. And my kiddo doesn’t have the flat philtrim, microcephaly, etc. 
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Jan 28, 2024 16:30
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