- PHIZ KALIFA
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#mood
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hey friends, phiz kalifa here. just coming by to say that, you're definitely good enough to be featured on the Something Awful Dot Com Front Page, so if you needed a sign to put your pen to the grindstone and buff out some chuckles, do it. i believe in you. i'll read your stuff and circle your jokes and give you feedback like FUNNY STUFF, NICE PUN, I LIKE THIS, reaL legit hollywood pro stuff. let's get it done. you can do it, byon.
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May 10, 2021 01:08
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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Apr 24, 2024 15:38
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- Tomfoolery
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Please put me on the front page!!!!
Qualifications:
The premier reseller of gazebos and gazebo-based accessories in the Tri-State Area. My Gazebos are the best in the industry
Front Page Article Types:
Everything about Gazebos; the best gazebos for any occasion; gazebo repair and troubleshooting
My rate:
40% commission on any gazebo sales through the somethingawful website
EDIT: Sorry I forgot to include a writing sample
This budget-friendly option from Better Homes & Gardens has a heavy-duty steel frame and a weather-resistant polyester canopy top. Its double-roof design allows for plenty of light and fresh air into the structure. And those who are planning to bring it with them to their next tailgate will be pleased to know it weighs just 50 pounds and comes with a carrying bag.
I didn't write that but I can write something like it for the site
Tomfoolery fucked around with this message at 18:36 on May 10, 2021
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May 10, 2021 18:31
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- Tomfoolery
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Thanks for reminding me. I'm going to go have some kids
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May 10, 2021 19:55
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- Tomfoolery
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Just checking in --- have you had a chance to read my writing sample and when can I start writing for the front page????
Let me know if you have any questions or comments.
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May 11, 2021 00:53
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- Tomfoolery
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In case it's not clear I'd really like to write for the front page. I have PMs please let me know
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May 11, 2021 00:53
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- Tomfoolery
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Is it something I said? Do you think I'm ugly? I'm sorry. Please get back to me soon.
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May 11, 2021 00:54
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- Tomfoolery
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I know my last message was 30 seconds ago but I can't take the stress. Just, you know, message me, please
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May 11, 2021 00:55
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- Tomfoolery
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Hey, Tomfoolery here
Any progress on the front page writer choice? Anything I can do to help?
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May 11, 2021 00:56
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- Tomfoolery
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This is super hurtful and I'm not sure I want to work for a company that doesn't quickly respond to someone who is so eager and capable. Never mind I take back my offer to write gazebo based articles for the front page
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May 11, 2021 00:56
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- Tomfoolery
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Sorry I didn't mean that I do want to write for the front page please ignore my last post
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May 11, 2021 00:57
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- Tomfoolery
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It doesn't have to be about Gazebos. We also sell lawn gnomes, gardening supplies, and some second hand grills. I'll be here. Let me know what you think.
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May 11, 2021 00:58
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- Tomfoolery
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For anybody interested here is some good advice about bird feeders (maybe this could go on the front page too)
Of all the models we tested, the Onyx was the sturdiest and best-built bird feeder we came across. It has tough metal components that secure tightly to the body of the feeder. The Onyx is also versatile enough to hold several different feed types and comes backed by a lifetime guarantee against squirrel damage. Most important, in including a removable base for easy cleaning and roomy perches, Droll Yankees has designed it with a bird’s health in mind. We tested both the 18-inch and 15-inch versions of Droll Yankees’s full seed feeder. We think most people should pay extra for the larger version, as we like how the removable base makes cleaning easier. But if it’s unavailable, you won’t regret choosing the smaller feeder.
If you want to see the fullest variety of birds in your outdoor space, you need a few different feeders. If I could have a full quiver of bird feeders to ensure the widest avian population in my garden, I’d also include the following three.
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May 11, 2021 01:00
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- Khad
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third time's the HRAAAAAAAAAAAAALF
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done
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May 11, 2021 01:08
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- Escape From Noise
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For reasons still unclear to me one of my threads was used on a front page type thing.
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May 11, 2021 01:14
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- Tomfoolery
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Legitimately worried that I'm now too sad to write for the front page. Nobody wants to read sad things on a comedy website. Nobody wants to be beholden to the literary equivalent of a velvet painting of a sad crying clown in an iron lung.
I want to be beholden to the literary equivalent of a velvet painting of a sad crying clown in an iron lung. :hugs:
Phiz please call me
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May 11, 2021 03:38
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- wimsy
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Who actually reads things anymore
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May 11, 2021 04:15
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- Luvcow
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One day nearer spring
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For anybody interested here is some good advice about bird feeders (maybe this could go on the front page too)
Of all the models we tested, the Onyx was the sturdiest and best-built bird feeder we came across. It has tough metal components that secure tightly to the body of the feeder. The Onyx is also versatile enough to hold several different feed types and comes backed by a lifetime guarantee against squirrel damage. Most important, in including a removable base for easy cleaning and roomy perches, Droll Yankees has designed it with a bird’s health in mind. We tested both the 18-inch and 15-inch versions of Droll Yankees’s full seed feeder. We think most people should pay extra for the larger version, as we like how the removable base makes cleaning easier. But if it’s unavailable, you won’t regret choosing the smaller feeder.
If you want to see the fullest variety of birds in your outdoor space, you need a few different feeders. If I could have a full quiver of bird feeders to ensure the widest avian population in my garden, I’d also include the following three.
and all the others posts before lol
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May 11, 2021 04:26
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- PHIZ KALIFA
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#mood
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sad crying clown in an iron lung.
oh my god this conjured an image that hurled me violently backwards through time AND space
crimes
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May 12, 2021 05:55
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- PHIZ KALIFA
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#mood
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tomfoolery you've got the job. please postmark all your posts to something awful headquarters, care of jeffery o'yospos, po box 69420, milwaukachusetts, arkansassee, XXXXXXX.
crimes
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May 12, 2021 05:56
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- Tomfoolery
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tomfoolery you've got the job. please postmark all your posts to something awful headquarters, care of jeffery o'yospos, po box 69420, milwaukachusetts, arkansassee, XXXXXXX.
Thank you sir you won't regret it sir
pre:___________________________________________________________________________________________
Tomfoolery BYOB STAMP
A nice place
Zip code goes here??
jeffery o'yospos
po box 69420
milwaukachusetts, arkansassee, XXXXXXX
____________________________________________________________________________________________
Tomfoolery fucked around with this message at 13:10 on May 12, 2021
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May 12, 2021 13:08
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- Escape From Noise
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Punching in Something Awful Dot Com then slowly, carefully, stapling a print out of BYOB to the screen.
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May 12, 2021 13:39
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- PHIZ KALIFA
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#mood
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Punching in Something Awful Dot Com then slowly, carefully, stapling a print out of BYOB to the screen.
grimacing at the screen till its all obscured by the Hammocat
crimes
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May 12, 2021 14:10
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- Viginti Septem
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Oculus Noctuae
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My bird meows while we're out on walks and that's probably the sanest thing you'll hear from me.
https://i.imgur.com/9jTkSUL.mp4
Thanks to vanisher for the paradise sig! 
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May 12, 2021 19:15
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- Escape From Noise
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Send me 5bux and I'll write an article! Probably.
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May 13, 2021 03:40
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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Apr 24, 2024 15:38
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- Khad
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third time's the HRAAAAAAAAAAAAALF
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I used to write poop articles about mmos 
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May 13, 2021 15:37
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May 10, 2021 01:08
