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Meme Poker Party
Sep 1, 2006

by Azathoth


Pokémon cards. They are collectible, they are for children, and they are serious business. So much so that altercations and pokéviolence are on the rise in war-torn America.

"Target Temporarily Pulls Pokemon, Sports Cards As Collectors Turn To Violence"
https://www.huffpost.com/entry/target-pokemon-sports-cards_n_609e85eee4b03e1dd388ffd9

US Target stores to stop selling Pokémon cards after rising value prompts threats to staff
https://www.theguardian.com/games/2021/may/13/us-target-stores-to-stop-selling-pokemon-cards-after-rising-value-prompts-threats-to-staff

"Retailers are pulling Pokemon cards from store shelves after customer chaos"
https://www.destructoid.com/stories/retailers-are-pulling-pokemon-cards-from-store-shelves-after-customer-chaos-629181.phtml


That's right. Pokémania has gripped the struggling nation so tightly that guns are being brandished in the streets. One resident of failed state "Wisconsin", an obscure American backwater, was forced to defend his cards with force of arms against a horde of pokécrazed would-be looters.

quote:

If you’re among those who “gotta catch ’em all,” starting Friday you’ll need to catch them somewhere other than Target’s brick-and-mortar stores.

The retailer has temporarily pulled Pokemon and other sports trading cards from its shelves after a 35-year-old man was physically assaulted as he left a store in Wisconsin last week, reportedly over trading cards.

The assailants, four men ranging in age from 23 to 35 years old, fled after the shopper pulled out a handgun. Police in Brookfield, Wisconsin, told Patch the man has a valid concealed carry permit. No shots were fired, and the four men were later arrested.

Pictured: Surveillance footage of an ambush-style robbery at a Texas Walmart. The unfortunate shopper was relieved of his cards but unharmed. If you have any information about these individuals, please contact the police.



Even fast food outlets, long considered the cornerstone of American culture, are not safe from pokémania. American patrons, brain addled from malnutrition and lead gas fumes, have caused chaos and denied innocent children "happy meals" by excessively hoarding the collectible, pokémon themed boxed lunches.

quote:

Target is the second retailer to take action due to a sudden surge of interest in trading card sales. Several Wal-Mart outlets have also removed Pokémon and other trading cards from their shelves, following aggressive customer interactions. As reported by Nintendo Life, fast-food franchise McDonald's was forced to rethink its strategy involving the distribution of Pokémon-themed Happy Meals, after adults turned up to restaurants and purchased the children's boxed lunches in abundance.

Pictured: a young child prepares for a trip to McDonald's.



It seems there is no relief in sight for beleaguered America. Supply shortages continue, and international aid is routinely intercepted by warlords and petty criminals, resold to the highest bidder.

quote:

Trading card values skyrocketed during the pandemic, as demand grew and supply failed to keep up.

In January, an unopened box of first-edition Pokemon cards set a record at auction, netting a cool $408,000.

The Pokemon Company said Friday that its production line was “at maximum capacity,” adding that global shipping constraints have also contributed to supply issues.

Those supply issues have turned into quick profits for shoppers who are able to procure the cards.

“Hidden Fates Elite Trainer Boxes,” available at Target for $49.99, could be flipped on eBay for around $150 in April, Vice News found. And some rare cards made available in “Shining Fates” tins, which retailed for $29.99, could fetch between $600 and $800.

The market frenzy includes other collectible cards as well. In February, a mint-condition Michael Jordan rookie basketball card sold for $738,000; the same item sold for almost $215,000 weeks earlier.

Pictured: members of the infamous card-tel "Los Squirtles", a group operating throughout the largely lawless Midwest in defiance of local governments.


Many wonder how long the chaos can continue, and European governments have started questioning whether UN peacekeeping forces should be deployed to assist in the protection and distribution of aid shipments. On Friday, an official request was delivered from the European Union to the Egyptian government, asking that special dispensation be granted to allow the offloading of approximately 400,000 Pokémon cards currently detained aboard the Evergiven. The ongoing dispute between the Egyptian government and the vessel's private owners have it left it stranded in port. There has not yet been an official response, but one influential Egyptian politician, speaking on the condition of anonymity, commented "suck my pokéballs, you meowthman."

More on this story as it develops.

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EorayMel
May 30, 2015

WE GET IT. YOU LOVE GUN JESUS. Toujours des fusils Bullpup Français.
Should've used this one OP

Only registered members can see post attachments!

Colonel Cancer
Sep 26, 2015

Tune into the fireplace channel, you absolute buffoon

Big Beef City
Aug 15, 2013

All the pokemon got covid and died op I'm sorry

Meme Poker Party
Sep 1, 2006

by Azathoth

Big Beef City posted:

All the pokemon got covid and died op I'm sorry

It's super effective :smith:

William Henry Hairytaint
Oct 29, 2011



Goddamn it I've been holding on to my unopened Triple Triad cards for almost 2 decades waiting for them to come storming back and instead it's Pokemon?!

super sweet best pal
Nov 18, 2009

Coronapokerus

Waterbed Wendy
Jan 29, 2009
They got Targets in the kanto region?

itry
Aug 23, 2019




quote:

In January, an unopened box of first-edition Pokemon cards set a record at auction, netting a cool $408,000.

:psyboom:

STABASS
Apr 18, 2009

Fun Shoe
never cared for pokemon but I fear that the waves being made here will be felt by those of us in the beyblade community. stay safe everyopne

Colonel Cancer
Sep 26, 2015

Tune into the fireplace channel, you absolute buffoon
If any of these pokeymans come here causing trouble, I'll send them straight into the shadow realm

Sophy Wackles
Dec 17, 2000

> access main security grid
access: PERMISSION DENIED.





A group calling itself Team Rocket is coming up with increasingly harebrained schemes to steal pokemon cards.

dracky
Nov 8, 2010

hand over the bakugan and nobody gets hurt

Big Beef City
Aug 15, 2013

William Henry Hairytaint posted:

Goddamn it I've been holding on to my unopened Triple Triad cards for almost 2 decades waiting for them to come storming back and instead it's Pokemon?!

Lol you dumb BASTARD
*Remembers that I bought like one deck or maybe not even that's worth of some kind of vampire tcg in the 90's when the whole brooding vampire thing was taking off but can't even remember the name of and never played*

ten_twentyfour
Jan 24, 2008

A friend was at target a few weeks back amd bought like 4 packs of some sort of baseball cards for 5 bux each and flipped them online for 60 each IMMEDIATELY on eBay. He went back the next day and they were all gone. Pokemon I get, but sports cards?

Big Beef City
Aug 15, 2013

ten_twentyfour posted:

A friend was at target a few weeks back amd bought like 4 packs of some sort of baseball cards for 5 bux each and flipped them online for 60 each IMMEDIATELY on eBay. He went back the next day and they were all gone. Pokemon I get, but sports cards?

That's more of a you thing than you might imagine.

Noob Saibot
Jan 29, 2020

by Fluffdaddy
Why is like everything in an economic bubble right now?

Lord Decimus Barnacle
Jun 25, 2005


Hell Gem
I think I have a set of gulf war trading cards at my parents house still. Am I a billionaire now?

They are opened and some have been licked

MiracleFlare
Mar 27, 2012
Breaking news: Man's airship burned to ground after several 10-year-olds release highly dangerous animals inside, entire collection is lost save for one card

Big Beef City
Aug 15, 2013

Noob Saibot posted:

Why is like everything in an economic bubble right now?

yea I dunno why is that that after the entire population of earth spent more than a year trapped in their own houses doing nothing but making money niche markets are flaring up its weird oh well *turns anime back on in the dark*

GABA ghoul
Oct 29, 2011

I wish this whole pokemon business would pokemon GO and die already

Colonel Cancer
Sep 26, 2015

Tune into the fireplace channel, you absolute buffoon
Pokemon go to hell :bahgawd:

Seth Pecksniff
May 27, 2004

can't believe shrek is fucking dead. rip to a real one.
This further proves why economics is a joke "science" and all economists should be forcibly reeducated to something more productive

Waterbed Wendy
Jan 29, 2009

low key sex master posted:

This further proves why economics is a joke "science" and all economists should be forcibly reeducated to something more productive

Statistics!

Big Beef City
Aug 15, 2013

low key sex master posted:

This further proves why economics is a joke "science" and all economists should be forcibly reeducated to something more productive

I'm not really sure 'Target taking trading cards out of stores' necessarily disproves economics.

BigBadSteve
Apr 29, 2009

Everything Pokemon is loving stupid, hth.

Chumbawumba4ever97
Dec 31, 2000

by Fluffdaddy
Any day now my Killer Instinct cards will be worth thousands

SIDS Vicious
Jan 1, 1970


dracky posted:

hand over the bakugan and nobody gets hurt

lmao

Seth Pecksniff
May 27, 2004

can't believe shrek is fucking dead. rip to a real one.

Big Beef City posted:

I'm not really sure 'Target taking trading cards out of stores' necessarily disproves economics.

Economist found

But honestly if anything has value then nothing has value because clearly people are out of their god damned minds of they're paying anything north of $5 for this poo poo

Colonel Cancer
Sep 26, 2015

Tune into the fireplace channel, you absolute buffoon
Economists are just zealot cultists of the cruel god Econ

Nefarious 2.0
Apr 22, 2008

Offense is overrated anyway.

i wish kids would pokemon go to the polls

Big Beef City
Aug 15, 2013

low key sex master posted:

if anything has value then nothing has value

wow drat this is pretty heavy have u told the president abt this?? Seems important?

Seth Pecksniff
May 27, 2004

can't believe shrek is fucking dead. rip to a real one.

Big Beef City posted:

wow drat this is pretty heavy have u told the president abt this?? Seems important?

I got news for you buddy.......

I am Joe Biden

Noob Saibot
Jan 29, 2020

by Fluffdaddy

Big Beef City posted:

yea I dunno why is that that after the entire population of earth spent more than a year trapped in their own houses doing nothing but making money niche markets are flaring up its weird oh well *turns anime back on in the dark*

I don’t think Star Wars:Bad Batch counts as anime....

CPL593H
Oct 28, 2009

I know what you did last summer, and frankly I am displeased.
The only thing that can stop a bad guy with a Charizard is a good guy with a Charizard.

Mozi
Apr 4, 2004

Forms change so fast
Time is moving past
Memory is smoke
Gonna get wider when I die
Nap Ghost

low key sex master posted:

I got news for you buddy.......

I am Joe Biden

wow, sleepy joe himself!

super sweet best pal
Nov 18, 2009

Future Card Buddyfight remains a safe investment.

BAGS FLY AT NOON
Apr 6, 2011

Big Beef City posted:

Lol you dumb BASTARD
*Remembers that I bought like one deck or maybe not even that's worth of some kind of vampire tcg in the 90's when the whole brooding vampire thing was taking off but can't even remember the name of and never played*

Jihad, later renamed to Vampire: The Masquerade

Smugworth
Apr 18, 2003

Funk these pokemans, where's the lamia? It's like somebody used soften on my digdug, and it was very effective

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BigBadSteve
Apr 29, 2009

Pokemon Card collectors - gotta catch 'em all (and rob 'em).

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