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YeahTubaMike posted:
My wife grew up in a very conservative area and yes, she was (and still is) constantly asked when we're having kids. She had a bachelorette party for her sister and crashed at her mom's house. Woke up the next day and puked, her mom goes "Is that morning sickness????" And about 3 months ago my wife had surgery and within 10 minutes of her talking to her mom she was asked "So when can you get pregnant?".
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Jun 17, 2021 13:37
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" who didn't want children & were outspoken about it, but that there was a NAME for "us" -- childfree! I was super stoked to be "childfree" for abooooouuuuuutttttt 45 seconds, and when I delved deeper into one of the myriad forums out there, my experience was basically
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You Are A Elf posted:Ahhh, so I probably met a “catfree” person when my cat passed away five years ago, and I returned to work the day after it happened. A coworker asked why I looked so down, and I told them my cat had passed away. Their response? “Oh, I haaate cats! Absolutely hate them! I’m a dog person I don't trust anyone that doesn't like cats, especially if they're super vocal about it
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Jun 17, 2021 13:37
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I've gone back and forth on the idea multiple times in my life. My last relationship ended as a result of this topic. This lovely girl really wanted to have a kid. She was 38 and already had frozen her eggs to be sure she could at some point. This is the biggest responsibility to which you can opt-in. It's important that my partner would align with my morals, ethics, and fidelity of reality. Some of my questions: -Is it ethical to create a new life? It's absolutely non-consensual on the entity intended. -Why they personally want to have a child? Is it for the experience? If so does that require creating one or is adoption an option? -How does one justify the carbon output? Even if a couple has a single child, there's still +1 human. Maybe zero is a better number for most humans? For me, the topic of procreation is a conversation without 'right' answers but it's important that my partner at least consider these questions. It demonstrates ability to consider the greater impact of our actions. She told me she doesn't really think about these things and made clear that she feels it's her right and doesn't wish to discuss the nuanced ethics. I truly believe she would make a lovely, caring, and warm parent. So why did I still have an issue? I need a partner with which I can develop a base fidelity. Having a lackadaisical towards ethics creates a conflict with that connection. This would be true for any future relationships. I hope that this doesn't come across trying to sell one side of the argument. I honestly would love to have a loving partner, a family, and a caring environment I could grow. Sadly that is not the case as I've yet to find a suitable partner for myself. That doesn't mean others haven't. I only hope that everyone at least consider the impacts of making new humans.
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Jun 17, 2021 13:38
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Revins posted:I don't trust anyone that doesn't like cats, especially if they're super vocal about it  
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Jun 17, 2021 13:46
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You Are A Elf posted:Ahhh, so I probably met a “catfree” person when my cat passed away five years ago, and I returned to work the day after it happened. A coworker asked why I looked so down, and I told them my cat had passed away. Their response? “Oh, I haaate cats! Absolutely hate them! I’m a dog person Is this your coworker OP? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eYdUZdan5i8
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Jun 17, 2021 13:48
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Revins posted:I don't wanna have kids because serious chronic depression runs in my family and I don't want to pass it on. If I ever get married I'm 100% down to adopt though Cancer, scoliosis, depression, obesity, and alcoholism are all rampant across both sides of my family. I can barely care for myself as an adult. I'd feel horribly guilty bringing an innocent child into the world looking forward with optimism but then... they're stuck with me as a parent. It wouldn't be fair to them at all.
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Jun 17, 2021 13:50
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itry posted:Understandable reaction after years of being told to smile with your uterus. Who the heck even asks a 7 y/o if they want kids. Seriously, I wish I remembered how such a thing would come up in conversation. You Are A Elf posted:We do get asked about fatherhood by extended relatives and family friends and such, but I couldn’t even imagine how much a woman is pressured into having kids from early on in life. We're expected to play with baby dolls too, in hindsight it comes across as very brainwash-y. quote:It began after high school for me since I was now old enough to “get married, have kids, buy a house with a white picket fence, and live happily ever after.” No “find a soulmate and live a happy fulfilling life with them” or “live your single life to the fullest,” just a “get married, have kids…” Boomer mentality. Luckily, my parents never pressured me into having kids and supported my decision not to. I have two nephews from my sisters, we get along great, and that’s good enough for me Yeah, it's like after spending ages 5-18 in school (and sometimes 18-22ish in college), you're done living life "for yourself". Like, drat, give me a chance to breathe. Even if I did want to have children, I would want to spend at least a decade of post-college life jaunting around & having a great time drinking, smoking weed, and not doing any homework. quote:Ahhh, so I probably met a “catfree” person when my cat passed away five years ago, and I returned to work the day after it happened. A coworker asked why I looked so down, and I told them my cat had passed away. Their response? “Oh, I haaate cats! Absolutely hate them! I’m a dog person What the gently caress is wrong with your coworker? Even if your pet housefly died, grief is grief and it shouldn't be dismissed like that. edit: A Fancy Hat posted:My wife grew up in a very conservative area and yes, she was (and still is) constantly asked when we're having kids. She had a bachelorette party for her sister and crashed at her mom's house. Woke up the next day and puked, her mom goes "Is that morning sickness????" Yikes, what the gently caress? 
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Jun 17, 2021 13:52
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itry posted:Is this your coworker OP? ... just why
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Jun 17, 2021 13:58
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Catastrophe posted:Cancer, depression, and alcoholism are all rampant across both sides of my family. I can barely care for myself as an adult. I'd feel horribly guilty bringing an innocent child into the world looking forward with optimism but then... they're stuck with me as a parent. It wouldn't be fair to them at all. Same. I'm also admittedly quite selfish and enjoy doing what I want with my time and money.
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Jun 17, 2021 14:16
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YeahTubaMike posted:Yikes, what the gently caress? The crazy thing is I have a nephew and my MiL basically ignores him half the time he's over there. So I'm not sure what the big rush is for us to have kids.
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Jun 17, 2021 14:16
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I’d be ok with having biological kids if my genes weren’t a cesspool of mental illness and if the world wasn’t unnecessarily cruel to anyone who wasn’t born white, Christian and male. Also, pregnancy and childbirth loving disgust me and I want no part in it, especially for high maternal death rates for browner women. I could die because some idiot decided to do a racism, I try to avoid those situations. Adoption? I’d love, in fact I’d highly prefer to over having w biological child, to but oh wait I take antidepressants so therefore too crazy to adopt a kid!!! Not to mention the insane stigma there is around adoption in tyool 2021. Let’s not even begin to dip a toe into how expensive child raising is, the unequal power balance in child rearing, etc. Sometimes it feels like I don’t have a choice in the matter. I’d kinda like to give the parenting thing a try but there are factors out of my control to do so, but god gently caress people going “ohhh but it’ll fulfill you/there’s never a right time/but your mom had you” bullshit. The pressure on women is so insane to be just a baby cannon and like I’m more than that, even if I do want to adopt one kid.
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Jun 17, 2021 14:28
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Derpies posted:Us breeders are happy you’re a genetic dead end too, OP, so it’s a win win
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Jun 17, 2021 14:30
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Because I'm an idiot I had kids before I realized the world was terminally stupid and completely hosed. This does indeed lead to some monumental bitterness, but not in the direction of our children, OP. Just everyone else.
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Jun 17, 2021 14:49
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I identify as pants-free. If you wanna wear your stupid leg gloves, go ahead pantser but I DON'T WANT/NEED THAT and I'm tired of getting asked to leave places just because this stupid society is pants obsessed. UGH.
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Jun 17, 2021 14:59
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I have three solid reasons why I voluntarily don't corrupt the world with my vile seed. 1. Tendency to punt. 2. LOUD RANT!!!!! 3. Sad libido 
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Jun 17, 2021 15:09
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No. 6 posted:I've gone back and forth on the idea multiple times in my life. My last relationship ended as a result of this topic. This lovely girl really wanted to have a kid. She was 38 and already had frozen her eggs to be sure she could at some point. Haha beep boop does not compute, most illogical. You're supposed to just have an accident one Friday night not write a treatise.
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Jun 17, 2021 15:09
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My kids just got into liking cool games and it's a life changer. Keeping them happy used to be "roll the dice, spin the spinner, move the game piece, die of boredom." Now, every moment I'm off work we do actually fun stuff like Slay the Spire, Pokemon Go, Outer Wilds, Final Fantasy, Settlers of Cataan, and like a dozen outrageous card games. It's a blast and makes me really glad I dug in during the first 7 or so years of boring and stayed involved with their hobbies. Also there's a framed photo in the elementary school lobby of them pulling a red wagon door to door collecting food donations during the pandemic, every time I see it I can't help but to tear up. Having kids is like 90% aggravating frustration and 10% reward, but that reward feels better than anything else in life.
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Jun 17, 2021 15:14
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Revins posted:... just why sociopaths  kntfkr posted:I identify as pants-free. If you wanna wear your stupid leg gloves, go ahead pantser but I DON'T WANT/NEED THAT and I'm tired of getting asked to leave places just because this stupid society is pants obsessed. UGH. So... you're a naturist?
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Jun 17, 2021 15:18
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It's interesting to consider having a kid as a selfish act when it's voluntarily adding an extraordinary amount of responsibility into your life. It's basically one of the most fundamental animal things you can do, but because we've largely decoupled it from sex, people don't associate the two acts together as much as they probably did in the past. Personally, we thought we'd have more than one but found one so difficult and challenging that adding another seemed less and less of a good idea. Can relate to the poster talking about pressure for siblings, for sure, but you really need a huge network to care for kids which we don't have. If we had a clan of family who we could depend on for regular childcare and help, it'd be a totally different story. We worry about raising an only child but I think there's ways to make sure they come out well adjusted.
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Jun 17, 2021 15:22
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Drunk Nerds posted:My kids just got into liking cool games and it's a life changer. Keeping them happy used to be "roll the dice, spin the spinner, move the game piece, die of boredom." https://youtu.be/l40K1VsMe3k
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Jun 17, 2021 15:50
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I knew I didn't want kids from before I was 10 I just knew it. This was way before child free, I was a kid in the 70s and '80s and I just knew I wasn't going to have kids. I never even felt any pressure because I ignored it I was a weirdo and societal pressure didn't affect me much about anything. I have zero regrets, never a moment. I couldn't run my life right I sure as hell wasn't going to have kids. But I also am way too selfish too I want the freedom to do whatever I want with my own time. I gather that there's some maternal instinct that lots of women have that I don't; there must be----it can't be all societal pressure. I did date a guy who had full custody of a couple little kids and I really liked him but I realized fairly early on that I would always be third in his affections so we had no real future.
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Jun 17, 2021 16:15
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I don't want kids but I do want to have sex like everyday
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Jun 17, 2021 16:20
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Katamari Democracy posted:I don't want kids but I do want to have sex like everyday Tug lyfe
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Jun 17, 2021 16:41
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kids can be fun but eventually you have to eat them so that they don't grow up to overthrow you and I'm just not down with that scene
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Jun 17, 2021 16:46
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My kids are 20 and 17 and it was a pretty cool and I'm happy op
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Jun 17, 2021 16:58
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Spinz posted:I knew I didn't want kids from before I was 10 I just knew it. This was way before child free, I was a kid in the 70s and '80s and I just knew I wasn't going to have kids. I never even felt any pressure because I ignored it I was a weirdo and societal pressure didn't affect me much about anything. I have zero regrets, never a moment. I couldn't run my life right I sure as hell wasn't going to have kids. But I also am way too selfish too I want the freedom to do whatever I want with my own time.   I'm really glad you didn't give in to the pressure; the last thing this world needs is more unwanted children.Katamari Democracy posted:I don't want kids but I do want to have sex like everyday
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Jun 17, 2021 16:59
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Time off work with full pay when kids are sick. And kids get sick a lot. Cartoons all day. Even two kids simultaneously going through full gastrointestinal holocaust is better than going to work.
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Jun 17, 2021 17:02
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Even as I breeder I have nothing but compassion for the Mormon women I see around here who have 7-8 Irish twins by the time they're 25, until they ask to cut in line at an event because I just have one kid and see they've been waiting a while. Then its breeder on breeder warfare.
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Jun 17, 2021 17:13
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One of the lesser mentioned perks/trials of parenthood; you have Papa Nurgle's blessed in your home. I still remember when I had like five different skin ailments on my face at the same time.
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Jun 17, 2021 17:14
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Derpies posted:Even as I breeder I have nothing but compassion for the Mormon women I see around here who have 7-8 Irish twins by the time they're 25, until they ask to cut in line at an event because I just have one kid and see they've been waiting a while. Then its breeder on breeder warfare. The mormons do the 12 kids thing without benefit of coffee or booze. Being LDS would actually be hell.
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Jun 17, 2021 17:16
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Have kids, don't have kids, but we can all agree that the new BK chicken burger slaps
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Jun 17, 2021 17:17
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Me and my wife don't want kid but we like playing around our friends kids. It's pretty great to just have fun with some kid all day and then to leave and get drunk and gently caress and do whatever we want. I feel tremendously blessed that i found a woman for who getting kids was never an optional though, there's not too many around.
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Jun 17, 2021 17:21
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Icochet posted:Time off work with full pay when kids are sick. And kids get sick a lot. Cartoons all day. Er.... Might want to change job if it's literally so bad that you think this.
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Jun 17, 2021 17:23
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How am I supposed to breed if I suck it. Seems like bad advice.
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Jun 17, 2021 17:24
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frytechnician posted:Er.... Might want to change job if it's literally so bad that you think this. Maybe you should watch better cartoons
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Jun 17, 2021 17:26
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"Dad! I pooped!" "Sweet. Did you wipe?" "Yep!" "Did you flush?" "Yeah, except the water didn't go down" "Yeah, ok. Did you wash your hands?" "Uhhhhh" "Go wash em, stop touching everything. You really don't need to do cartwheels all the- ugh. There's a sandwich for you on the counter after you're done. Use soap." Off I head to plunge a 4 year old's unreasonably huge turd, again.
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Jun 17, 2021 17:28
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Imagine how stoked my wife and I both are that we both don't want kids (as we approach our 40s and have been together for 16~ years) but had no idea bout the 'childfree' angle. I, the man, told my mom I don't think we'd have kids. My mom's reaction? "Then don't!" with a smile. My mom maintains she always wanted kids, and claims up and down that she's never ever regretted it and has known all along she wanted to be a mother. She's much stronger than I am. My partner, the woman, says she knew she didn't want kids really young, around 8 years old or so (mirroring YeahTubaMike) and was weirded out by things like weddings and other heavily-implied things for little girls. She's had a much more rough time about not having kids because WOMAN, however she has two strong allies in her life that make it much easier: her mother and grandmother (dad's mother). Her mom is a lesbian and while doesn't regret her kids, is clear about how it was a pressure from growing up as a woman in the midwest United States. Her grandmother straight-up admits she wished she would have waited to have kids as that's all her life has been. Again though, woman in the midwest in the last century. As her and I have been together we just kind of went "Kids? Nah" pretty easily, it just wasn't a topic that was important to discuss and we spend out time building a life together. When we realized that's what we'd decided her dad has had a tough time adjusting but he's a boomer in all the cliché ways a boomer is. It wasn't until a couple years ago that we heard about the ~childfree~ movement. Those people are psychotic lmao. Having kids and that being your identity is dumb, NOT having kids and that being your identity is dumb. Screaming about it on the internet either way is hilarious for the rest of us.
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Jun 17, 2021 17:33
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Drunk Nerds posted:My kids just got into liking cool games and it's a life changer. Keeping them happy used to be "roll the dice, spin the spinner, move the game piece, die of boredom." Yeah, so much discussion about children seems to focus on the difficulties of the early years, but that is just a small part of the experience, your kid is going to be an adult for the majority of your relationship. They become more self sufficient and fun and interesting as they get older and you reap the rewards of those challenging early years.
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Jun 17, 2021 17:53
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AcidCat posted:Yeah, so much discussion about children seems to focus on the difficulties of the early years, but that is just a small part of the experience, your kid is going to be an adult for the majority of your relationship. They become more self sufficient and fun and interesting as they get older and you reap the rewards of those challenging early years. Unfortunately way too many parents do the opposite and basically give up on their children the moment they aren't cute and completely dependent anymore.
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Jun 17, 2021 17:57
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it makes me quite happy to do whatever i want whenever i want
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Jun 17, 2021 17:58
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