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Violet_Sky posted:He would have blamed the feminist jew cabal for the fence I finally broke down and started searching the transcripts other horrifying poo poo coming out of Kenji’s mouth. Far as I can tell, it’s only women he brings up: no Jews, no black people, no other conspiracy hot buttons I can think of. I know that’s cold comfort at best, but still, at least you probably won’t have to brace yourself for that.
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Jul 1, 2021 05:07
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Falconier111 posted:I finally broke down and started searching the transcripts other horrifying poo poo coming out of Kenji’s mouth. Far as I can tell, it’s only women he brings up: no Jews, no black people, no other conspiracy hot buttons I can think of. I know that’s cold comfort at best, but still, at least you probably won’t have to brace yourself for that. At least he doesn't go full Qanon thats good I guess
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Jul 1, 2021 05:22
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Falconier111 posted:I finally broke down and started searching the transcripts other horrifying poo poo coming out of Kenji’s mouth. Far as I can tell, it’s only women he brings up: no Jews, no black people, no other conspiracy hot buttons I can think of. I know that’s cold comfort at best, but still, at least you probably won’t have to brace yourself for that. Yeah, the entire "joke" to Kenji is "in this game about dating cute anime girls, what if there was a dude who was super paranoid specifically about the cute anime girls". Annoying as it may be, that's really all there is to it, they just took a bunch of random conspiracy theory gibberish and tossed it into the script, up to and including lifting wholesale General Ripper's speech about "bodily fluids" from Dr. Strangelove to serve as Kenji's "origin story" in the Manly Picnic. I may catch some flak for this, but I think the thread's being a little hard on a dumb joke character from a decade-old visual novel. He's not great, but he's a small part of a big game, and I feel like people are kind of overstating the effect he has on the experience of playing. He's mildly irritating at worst, because he just doesn't appear often enough or for long enough to be worse than that.
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Jul 1, 2021 05:51
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Kenji never meets any of the girls (I think) or has any effect on the plot. Except for the BAD END, and he's there as a warning: fail to put yourself out there, and you wind up like THIS guy. The joke didn't age well, though. I skipped over every scene he was in in my second playthrough and didn't miss anything.
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Jul 1, 2021 11:59
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EclecticTastes posted:I may catch some flak for this, but I think the thread's being a little hard on a dumb joke character from a decade-old visual novel. He's not great, but he's a small part of a big game, and I feel like people are kind of overstating the effect he has on the experience of playing. He's mildly irritating at worst, because he just doesn't appear often enough or for long enough to be worse than that. Yes, but by now I assume that many of us have trauma related to having to personally deal with people like Kenji, and it's not fun to be reminded.
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Jul 1, 2021 15:23
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Speaking of Kenji, hopefully for the last time....Personally, I would have been quite okay if the professionals in the setting were engaged with him, specifically. This is the kind of thing that paras and DSPs are used to dealing with, alongside the physical needs of the clients at the school. Part of that would be to model and advocate communication for behaviors that would make others rather uncomfortable, which given the circumstances, I'm sure everyone is currently feeling at the moment. And it would leave less overall "wth" moments. And it wouldn't be like a professional or teacher wouldn't allow him to speak, I think there'd have been a sense of "are you sure you meant this, or are you trying to say something else, because you're worried, and you don't know how to say it differently?" which happens in the job. The whole idea of Direct Support Professional work is to be on those front lines: where the feelings and individual agency matter, but showing them how to curb back some problematic behaviors with modeling and communication examples. Now that we're past the spotlight he's been given, I'm just in this state where I feel like services would be something he could really benefit from. And as such, I imagine a few people are like: "Wait, you want to engage with him in this way? Are you totally insane?" To which I'd say....yeah, probably. But that is the job, for sure.
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Jul 1, 2021 17:15
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Falconier111 posted:
 Running 101 Do not overtrain. If you train too hard, too long, too often, you will injure yourself. That's not a "you could injure yourself," it's a "you will injure yourself." Rest days are there for a reason. Take them. I know you're young and full of energy, Emi, but don't. Besides being dangerous, you're setting a terrible example for Hisao. e. And if you don't want to rest: that's what cross-training is for! Cross-training is usually done once or twice a week, and is where you train by doing something you usually don't do, like for example a runner going to the pool for a swim or riding a bike for some distance. It's useful because: 1. You train your body better. For instance, riding a bike or swimming uses muscles that running doesn't usually use, and vice-versa, so you have a more "complete" training, so to speak; 2. Because of the above (using different muscles), it gives the muscles you usually train a rest. Swimming is a particularly good cross-training sport for runners, because you still train your leg muscles, but it's literally a zero-impact sport (you don't put any weight whatsoever on your legs -- or back, or hips...), so you kinda-sorta keep training while also resting? If this makes sense. Mikl fucked around with this message at 19:12 on Jul 1, 2021 |
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Jul 1, 2021 18:45
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Psycho Lawnmower posted:Speaking of Kenji, hopefully for the last time....Personally, I would have been quite okay if the professionals in the setting were engaged with him, specifically. Maybe someone else wants to tackle this, but a paraprofessional would absolutely need to be there for him. Let’s set aside the problematic viewpoints that became prevalent. Authors couldn’t have known that a gross and vocal subculture would end up so front-and-center some years after the release of this work. But isolation breeds unusual behavior. It’s a fact. A great deal of what drove me away from blind people as a community was a very pervasive awkwardness and socially unacceptable behaviors that they were never trained out of. Having attended a residential school for blind people from middle school until graduation, and having also attended public school, I was fortunate enough to have observed good models versus bad ones. But really, this all rolls right back into the social model of disability. If you are ostracized, you don’t develop social skills. If you don’t develop social skills, you’ll remain ostracized. And it’s hell for those of us that did. I can only speak for myself, but learning to accept the community despite its flaws took a lot of personal work on my part, not to mention some good fortune to meet other blind people I actually respected. It’s hard, but softening toward unpleasant people like Kenji, who was likely never given a chance to become part of society in the first place, is the only way to allow him to have the agency to change. Granted, someone like that might not change, but I believe they deserve a firm, but gentle guiding hand. The world will not be kind to them without that sort of guidance.
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Jul 1, 2021 18:57
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On the topic of unacceptable behaviors linked to disability, I've seen firsthand that some types of autism spectrum disorders can cause fixations that lead to strange behaviors. Again, apologies in advance if my phrasing isn't great, this particular situation was pretty messy and it's hard to put delicately. One guy in the special education class I was shuffled off to (whose ASD involved some amount of cognitive disability, apologies if there's a more sensitive way to put that) had a completely inexplicable animus towards a girl in the class, to the point where he'd regularly drive her to tears and spoke about her like she was the antichrist (like, often including overtly supernatural details about her being a demon or witch). And I do mean inexplicable, because I once just outright asked him to explain it and he was completely unable to articulate what it was about her that he disliked so much. This was paired with a fixation on a particular hand gesture he'd make, a sort of "X" sign with his fingers he'd use to "erase" the target of his ire (one time, another classmate lost patience with him and turned the gesture on him, and he screamed like he'd been stabbed). I'm sure it all made perfect sense in his mind, but to everyone else, to put it bluntly, he looked completely delusional. While Kenji is obviously just intended as jokey-jokes, that's sort of what his conspiracy theories remind me of.
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Jul 1, 2021 19:29
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Speaking of this; does any other neurodivergent (ASD in particular) people here have problems with emotional regulation? Before medication I could burst into tears over minor stress, explode in rage over frustration at failure (I once bit my cousin's arm because I lost at 'Karate Champ'), spent a year completely lovesick over a single girl (though I mean it was high school, not that weird on its own. But combined with this other stuff) and curl into the fetal position in fear and disgust because somebody was yelling at somebody else near me. I think I wound up getting a little ostracized or at least stood out in the bad way because of it in high school.
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Jul 1, 2021 23:53
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I definitely have problems with emotional regulation, but mainly in the direction of suppressing or ignoring them most of the time. Eventually, they build up so much that I can't keep them in, and I'll break down in some fashion at whatever meaningless stimulus finally put me over the limit. Sometimes, that's just crying for way too long, but it can also be rage that I always feel, in retrospect, I should have been able to control. It also leads to me isolating myself for as long as I can stand to, usually weeks at a time. I've been working on expressing my emotions in a healthier way, but that depends pretty heavily on recognizing them in the first place, and that's a tall order.
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Jul 2, 2021 01:42
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Nidoking posted:I definitely have problems with emotional regulation, but mainly in the direction of suppressing or ignoring them most of the time. Eventually, they build up so much that I can't keep them in, and I'll break down in some fashion at whatever meaningless stimulus finally put me over the limit. Sometimes, that's just crying for way too long, but it can also be rage that I always feel, in retrospect, I should have been able to control. It also leads to me isolating myself for as long as I can stand to, usually weeks at a time. I've been working on expressing my emotions in a healthier way, but that depends pretty heavily on recognizing them in the first place, and that's a tall order. Thats been literally me for years. I suppressed my feelings cause I got told that they were weird and as such didn't really matter. One thing I find difficult now as an adult is expressing my emotions and being open to other people. Yes my feelings are my feelings but that was not how I was taught as a kid. I usually pick a socially acceptable response to avoid making people mad or confused.
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Jul 2, 2021 02:46
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I have problems with regulating fear. A lot of things scare me and can really put me off, and there's little I can do to cope. I can go for a run, which usually calms me down a bit. I can try to let the feeling be there i.e. be conciously aware of the bodily symptoms, which helps a bit with coping. And I can try to distract myself, which is difficult. I used to have very severe problems with recognizing my own emotions, but I spent a lot of effort over the last ~7 years getting better at it. I still have problems with gauging my stress levels, but it takes less than a minute to recognize any emotions that I'm feeling. Dance Officer fucked around with this message at 17:04 on Jul 2, 2021 |
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Jul 2, 2021 06:34
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Update 23: Tracking Absences (Silence)  Still, I feel like I should at least offer to run with her... >Offer to run with Emi. >Keep quiet.  Well, let’s think. We know Emi turns to running whenever her issues rear their heads; when her dad came up, she abruptly ended the conversation and went back to sprint a few laps. We also know that she tries to hide her pain when she can; we saw what happened at the track meet, and from what Rin said, it might be a pattern. I wouldn’t put money on it, but I’d say something about the conversation in the café really spooked her and now she’s off to literally run away from her problems. =>Offer to run with Emi. The least we can do it is try and be there for her, right?  HISAO: "Hey, I'll run with you. I might as well, right?" Emi shakes her head emphatically.  EMI: "No you won't, Hisao. Rest is critical for you, remember?”  EMI: “I won't allow you to push yourself too hard." I guess she's better at giving advice than taking it. HISAO: "Whatever you say, Emi." I think it's probably best not to press the issue. (Rain Effect) As we approach the girls' dormitory, it starts to rain again. Emi's expression sours slightly. EMI: "Aw, man... Stupid rain." HISAO: "Hey, it'll let up soon enough. You can go running then, right?" Emi snorts, seemingly amused.  EMI: "Like I'm not going to run in the rain." HISAO: "Well you shouldn't! You could catch a cold!" Emi waves her hand airily. EMI: "Ridiculous! I don't get colds. My immune system is far too strong for something like that." I can't help but laugh. HISAO: "Well, I'll see you tomorrow then, okay?" EMI: "Yeah! Thanks for coming! Oh, and for carrying the picnic basket! I'll bring it for lunch tomorrow. We can have our picnic on the roof!" HISAO: "Sounds good to me. See you then!" Emi grabs the basket from me and shoots through the door. Rin gives me a sort of half-nod and ambles inside as well. drat, it's wet out here. I need to get back to my room and into some dry clothes. (Silence) I'm soon in front of my door, but I am intercepted by the sudden appearance of Kenji, who appears to be carrying a stack of books.  KENJI: "Hey man, give me a hand, would you?" HISAO: "Huh?" Katawa Shoujo OST - Out of the Loop  The books are unceremoniously dumped into my arms as Kenji fumbles with his room key. KENJI: "Thanks, you're a lifesaver. If you weren't around I'd have to keep my door unlocked, and that's just begging for trouble. The perfect opportunity to set up an ambush, or maybe just plant a bomb if they don't want to get their hands too dirty. Probably don't. Afraid they'll break a nail or something if they have to stab me. Women." (  )My mind thinks about digesting the verbal torrent that's just been unleashed, but elects to remain comfortably in the dark. HISAO: "Uh... huh." KENJI: "Anyway, where have you been, man? I could have used some help carrying these back from the library! I knocked on your door, but you weren't there." HISAO: "Oh, sorry." Not really. You appear to think I'm some kind of pack mule. HISAO: "I was out with Emi and Rin." Kenji staggers back in shock. It looks like I just shot his dog, if he had a dog. KENJI: "The limbless ladies again? What'd you do this time?" HISAO: "Well, we wound up at the Shanghai—" I'm prevented from continuing by a sudden exclamation of despair. KENJI: "The Shanghai? Why the Shanghai? No no no no, man, you can't just go to the drat Shanghai! It's the most dangerous place in the city! A veritable stronghold of their best agents! I know! I've met them! They'll stop at nothing to lull you into a false sense of security, and then BAM!" He hits his door for emphasis. KENJI: "Wallet's gone. Bus pass? Gone. Identity? Fuckin' gone, man! Promise me you won't go there again!" He seems so vehemently opposed to the idea of the Shanghai that I'm willing to lie a little in order to get to my room. HISAO: "Sure, I won't go there again." Or at least, I won't ever tell you I've gone there again. This seems to mollify my bespectacled companion. KENJI: "Good, good. Sorry to come on so strong, but I know the danger there too well to let you just wander into the lion's den again. You got out of there alive once, but twice is pushing it." HISAO: "Yeah, well I need to get changed and uh, do homework. So... I'll see you later." KENJI: "Huh? Oh, sure. Whatever." I suddenly remember that I'm still holding his books. HISAO: "You'd better take these." I catch a glimpse of one of titles, something about cryptography. What a weirdo. Kenji grabs his precious cargo from me and disappears through his doorway. (Muted Rain Sound Effect) I open my own door and walk in, grateful to get out of my soaking wet clothes. The rain outside picks up, and I find myself hoping that Emi's not out running in this weather. She seemed so adamant about doing the run alone, I can't help but wonder if her leg's still bothering her. I try to remember whether or not I've seen her limping at all today, but I can't. Guess I was too caught up in enjoying the day, even if it did rain on us. And as I think back over the events of today, I keep finding myself focusing on my running partner. Her complete refusal to allow the rain to spoil her plans was incredibly cute. But there was something else there, too. Sort of an unflappable attitude when it comes to enjoying the day as it comes. I really like that quality. Maybe I need to do a little of that myself. Katawa Shoujo OST ~ Passing of Time  (Silence) The sound of my alarm brings me out of a dream involving pirates and some other stuff I can't really remember. Katawa Shoujo OST - Stride I'm a little bleary-eyed, and it feels like it takes me longer than usual to get dressed and down to the track. A glance at my watch reveals that I was right, and I am in fact running a little late. The thing is...  There's no Emi. That's odd. She should be here. She definitely should be here. I mean, I was late. I guess I wasn't the only one who had trouble getting up this morning. The thought crosses my mind that it never quite stopped raining yesterday. Did she go running anyway? It seems likely. Emi's a lot of things, but cautious isn't one of them. She probably figured the rain wouldn't stop, and that's why she was so adamant about running alone. Still, I would have gladly run with her, even if it was in the rain. Heck, if anything I would have been able to convince her to come in once it got really bad. That would be why she didn't want me along, of course. Even so, I can't help wanting to know where she is. ...Well, nothing for it. I'd better stretch and run, and hope that Emi shows up with a grin and an excuse. On my cool down lap, I am forced to admit that Emi isn't showing up. Furthermore, I have no idea where she is. Anxiety gnaws at me while at the same time I wonder just why I'm so worried over her. The run helped to take my mind off it for a little while, but now that I'm finished I'm back to worrying. It was weird not having her here. Downright unnerving. It suddenly dawns on me that I've been running to hang out with Emi as much as I've been running to stay healthy - probably more to be with Emi, now that I think of it. It's one of those things that are completely obvious yet somehow, I never realized it. She really is someone I enjoy being with. As revelations go, it's hardly world-shaking. All the same, I find myself feeling slightly shocked. When did this happen? Well, no time to think about this - though I want to ponder this new development, I have a greater desire to find out what's happened to Emi. I'll ask the nurse when I stop in to see him. (Silence)   NURSE: "Well, you seem to be in good shape, Hisao." HISAO: "That's good to hear." I replace my shirt and stand to leave, as usual. Except instead of leaving, I ask a question. HISAO: "Hey, where's Emi? She didn't show up this morning. Is she okay?" While I try valiantly to conceal the anxiety in my voice, the nurse's expression suggests that I've failed miserably. NURSE: "You mean she didn't tell you? She's sick in bed." HISAO: "What? Sick?" The nurse shrugs. NURSE: "Yeah, she came to my office early this morning with a fever. To be honest I'm surprised she made it here. She was burning up when she arrived. I believe she'd planned to let you know, but she asked me to tell you - oh shoot!" Katawa Shoujo OST - Ah Eh I Oh You The nurse gives me a sheepish smile that seems at least partially sincere. NURSE: "I told her I'd stop by the track to let you know in case she forgot to. Sorry about that. But we don't need to tell Emi I forgot, right?" I return the nurse's smile with a devious one of my own. HISAO: "Oh, of course not. This is fine blackmail material. I'll save it for whenever I need a favor from you." The nurse laughs. NURSE: "Well, I guess I deserve that. But you know, I've got tons of blackmail on you that you're not even aware of. So don't push your luck, okay?" My expression earns another laugh from the nurse. NURSE: "I'm just kidding, Hisao. But seriously - don't tell Emi I forgot, okay?" HISAO: "Your secret is safe with me." NURSE: "Oh good. Now go on, get out of here." HISAO: "Wait, I've got one more question." NURSE: "Shoot." HISAO: "Is she going to be okay?" NURSE: "Oh yeah, definitely. Her fever was high, but it was already starting to go down by the time she came by my office. I'll probably check up on her again at lunch to be sure, but I expect she'll be up and about by the evening no matter what I tell her." HISAO: "Hmm, maybe I should visit her after class." It takes me a second to realize I've spoken aloud. The nurse raises an eyebrow and gives me a searching glance for a moment. NURSE: "Hmm... Well, it might not be a bad idea. You could let me know if she'd taken a turn for the worse, I guess. But no funny business, you got it? I know what meds you're on, after all.” I think that's a threat against my life, but I'm not sure. Either way, I assure the nurse that my intentions are chaste and exit the office. Interesting that the nurse sees me as some sort of potential suitor to Emi. Even more interesting is how pleased that makes me feel. I need a shower.  The lunch bell rings, and I find myself disinclined to make my way up to the roof. After all, I'm betting Rin knows where Emi is, and if that's the case then I doubt she'd bother going up there. More to the point, I doubt we'd have any sort of scintillating conversation if she did. Chances are she'd prefer to be alone up there anyway, so I don't accidentally ruin her train of thought or something. Unfortunately, I don't really feel like heading to the cafeteria either. Guess I'll go to the library instead. I need a new book to read anyway, having finished my other one yesterday before bed. Maybe I can find more by the same author. Katawa Shoujo OST - Fripperies I love libraries. They smell like dust and paper and ink. All these stories and facts and opinions crowded together in one place makes the air come alive with potential. I'm not sure how to navigate Yamaku's library yet, having mostly stuck to books I brought with me, so I search for the librarian to ask for help. ... Hmm. I suppose she's not arou—   YUUKO: "...can't believe it." Yuuko, looking rather distracted, suddenly emerges from one of the aisles. HISAO: "Er, excuse me." YUUKO: "Oh, can I help you?" HISAO: "Actually, I was looking for a book..." YUUKO: "So am I! “Advanced Cryptography.” We just got it in, and now it's gone missing. I really, really wanted to read that one!" HISAO: "Cryptography?" YUUKO: "Yeah, my... er, that is... This guy I knew. Know. Um. Not sure how to describe it..." HISAO: "Skip to the end." YUUKO: "He got me interested in cryptography only now the book's gone, and I think it's been stolen!" HISAO: "Sounds pretty terrible." YUUKO: "Yeah, especially because now I have to search the whole library for it! Even though it's probably not even here!" HISAO: "You seem... busy." YUUKO: "A little." She dashes off down another aisle, and I resign myself to finding my own drat book. Hmm, plenty of choices. (Silence) Oh come on, how did I get lost? These aren't even printed books! They're all in Braille. I guess that makes sense in a school like this, but honestly, it's a little annoying.  LILLY: "I'm sorry, is someone there?" A lilting voice drifts out from behind one of the cubicles set up for research.  As I approach, I see that Lilly's been reading a book while I've been stomping about the aisles. HISAO: "Oh no, I should be apologizing. I didn't mean to make so much noise." LILLY: "My, is that you Hisao? I've not heard from you in quite some time. I was beginning to think you'd forgotten all about me." HISAO: "Er, sorry." Katawa Shoujo OST - Concord (Lilly's Theme) Lilly laughs in that refined manner of hers and shakes her head. LILLY: "I'm only teasing you, Hisao. From what I hear, you've been busy. Morning runs with Emi Ibarazaki and lunch on the rooftop, if I'm not mistaken." HISAO: "Heh, yeah. Guess word gets around pretty quickly." LILLY: "That and I can't coax poor Hanako on the roof any more. You three are always up there, claiming the spot for yourselves." She chides me gently, though it's pretty clear she's just teasing me again. Still, I feel an odd need to apologize. HISAO: "Sorry, we could eat lunch somewhere else if it's a real problem—" LILLY: "Oh no, I wouldn't worry about it. Hanako and I have other things to do at lunch, too. Such as read in the library, as you can see." HISAO: "Oh, Hanako's here too? I didn't see her." Lilly smiles, a bit enigmatically. LILLY: "Oh, she's around somewhere. But I'm surprised, Hisao. You're in here, instead of up there. What brings you to the library?" HISAO: "Well, Emi's ill, so there's no lunch on the rooftop to keep me occupied..." Lilly raises an eyebrow at my statement before giving another chuckle." LILLY: "My, poor Rin must feel left out." HISAO: "It's not like that!" LILLY: "Ah, but I'm sure it isn't.”  LILLY: "Emi tends to be the life of whatever group she's in. It's a shame to hear she's fallen ill. Will she be okay?" Somehow I get the feeling that Lilly's just inquiring out of politeness, but I respond anyway. HISAO: "The nurse thinks so. I'm going to swing by and see how she's doing after school myself." Another raised eyebrow. LILLY: "My, what a noble gentleman you are, Hisao." HISAO: "It's nothing, really. Just checking up on my friend, after all." LILLY: "Ah, so it's just friends, is it? How disappointing." I blush, glad that Lilly can't see it. But somehow she knows that I've been flustered by her comment anyway, and laughs. LILLY: "I'm sorry, Hisao. I'm teasing you again. Please do tell Emi that I hope she feels better, won't you?" A glance at my watch reveals that I'm very nearly out of time to find my book. HISAO: "Of course. Hey, I've got to find a book before lunch is over, so I'd better get moving. See you later." That was probably not the best phrase to use. Lilly, however, takes my gaffe in stride. LILLY: "Until we meet again, Hisao." (Silence) I never do find the book I was looking for, but I walk out with something else instead. My stomach growls slightly, letting me know that I should have had something for lunch. Oh well. I'll grab something before I visit Emi later. Katawa Shoujo OST - School Days It seems as if time has decided to slow down for the express purpose of annoying the hell out of me. Class feels like it drags on for ages. I suspect that my being consumed with worry probably has something to do with it. Blessedly the bell rings and I dash out of class, drawing a few raised eyebrows, I'm sure. I have spent the majority of the day fretting as unobtrusively as I could. Even though the nurse thinks that Emi is perfectly okay, I want to see for myself. It doesn't take long to get to the girls' dormitory and make my way to Emi's room. (Silence) Standing outside her door, I suddenly pause. What if she's resting? I'd hate to wake her up, especially if she's still feeling ill. Then again, if she sleeps all day then it could throw off her sleeping schedule. But rest is important if you're ill, isn't it? I can't decide what to do, so I settle for standing outside the door looking like an idiot. Then I hear Emi's voice from behind the door. EMI: "Thanks for your concern, but I really am okay." Is she talking to me? EMI: "I'll see you at practice tomorrow!" Guess not. Still, clearly she's not asleep, so I can knock without worry. So why this clenched feeling in my gut? I wasn't nervous about dropping by the other day, so why today? Granted, I still haven't really had time to figure out this newfound interest in Emi's well-being. I don't have a lot of experience in the matter, of course, but certainly this seems to go beyond feelings of mere friendship.  But could I take that step? Could I even bring myself to risk what I have right now? I mean it's enough to be friends with her, isn't it?" Either way, shouldn't I just open the door and see how she's doing? That's why I came here... right? What if she's not dressed yet? The image that flashes through my mind causes my heart to skip a beat, literally. I should probably not ever think those thoughts again. Not if I want to avoid a heart attack. I suddenly realize I'm still standing in the hallway looking like an idiot. Emi still seems to be in the middle of a conversation, but I knock anyway. Hopefully she won't mind the interruption. Falconier111 fucked around with this message at 20:39 on Aug 24, 2021 |
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Jul 2, 2021 21:11
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Huh, forgot Lilly showed up in this route. I wonder what a non-joke version of Kenji would be like. Someone re-directing his anger at ableism and/or the general state of the world onto another more convenient target.
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Jul 3, 2021 13:03
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Cobalt-60 posted:Huh, forgot Lilly showed up in this route. I think the thing is Kenji isn't a joke character anymore. We've abandoned sanity and everything he's saying is completely reasonable to entirely too many people. What mad prophet could have seen this coming...
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Jul 3, 2021 22:41
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So, in the spirit of invisible disabilities, welcome to a primer on THALASSEMIA Thalassemia is a family of blood disorders that arises from broken or missing genes related to the production of hemoglobin, which is the protein that allows red blood cells to attach to (and thus carry) oxygen. Thalassemia is most commonly found in people of Mediterranean, or occasionally African or Asian descent. Thalassemia is most commonly diagnosed as being Alpha or Beta strain, and separated as major, Intermedia, or Minor/Trait severity. (There do exist a Gamma strain and outliers, but we will ignore that). So, what is it? As mentioned, it's a fault in the genes that control the production of hemoglobin. As a result, red blood cells will be pale, small, and fragile. That means that, due weak and broken cells, the primary symptom of Thalassemia is ANEMIA, most commonly expressed through pallor and fatigue. (An anecdote: I was told that in a healthy person, a red blood cell lives an average of three months. In a person with thalassemia, the same cell lives about three weeks. The bone marrow is constantly working to replace broken cells, and the spleen is constantly filtering broken cells from the bloodstream.) Treatment? hahahahahahahaha treatment haaaaaaaaa Okay, seriously: if you have thalassemia-major, there has been massive improvement in your outlook. It used to be accepted that a thal-major would, at most, live to be about 19 years old. Nowadays, bone marrow transplants have shown very promising results for thal-major patients, as the replaced marrow produces healthy cells, thus circumventing the entire issue. Without a transplant, a thal-major relies on receiving regular blood transfusions to replace the faulty and broken blood that they produce; this would be fine if healthy blood didn't contain more iron than a thal-major's tissues can handle. A patient with thal-major faces a lifetime of blood transfusions and iron-chealtion treatments in a constant struggle to gain healthy blood without having so much iron that your blood effectively turns to acid. Well, poo poo Yeah. What about non-Majors? Well, here's the thing: open any medical textbook, and you'll see that thalassemia minor/trait is listed as having no symptoms and thus does not require treatment. This is a loving lie. Thalassemia Minor Thalassemia Minor means that one of your parents passed along a thalassemia gene. Congrats! You're not going to die! Unfortunately, medical science is more or less going to ignore you. I highly suggest you find a hemotologist, aka someone educated enough in the complexities of blood to realize that no, one-size-fits-all is NOT an accurate measurement. Living with Thal-minor is... interesting. On one hand, you've won the lottery in terms of disabilities: you are not restricted in what you can do. All your limbs work, your brain functions according to medical standards, and you don't have any weird skin conditions. You are, however, restricted in how much you can do. You're anemic; you will ALWAYS be anemic, no matter what. You will always be tired. Think about that for a second. You will always be tired. It's easy to brush off: all your friends and co-workers will complain that they're tired by the end of a shift. But it doesn't start to come into focus until you actually compare how you and your friends measure fatigue. Your friend does a quick 20-minute workout at the gym, and feels refreshed. You do the same and are exhausted for the rest of the day. Your friend does an 8-hour shift at work. They complain, but they're still able to cook dinner and chat afterwards. You're almost a puddle, aching and hungry but too tired to eat. Hemoglobin from a CBC is the easiest way to measure your relative anemia: an adult female has a hemoglobin of 12-14, and a male of 13-16; I personally float between 9.2 and 9.8 as an adult female. (I'm transfusion-independent, meaning I don't need constant blood transfusions to maintain my health, but even my 'healthy' medium has roughly half the energy of a normal person.) Around 5.0 and below, you need an ambulance, because your blood cannot carry enough oxygen to feed your organs. Staying at such a level means hypoxia-- you're suffocating on dry land. Outlook Again, thalassemia seems like winning the disability lottery: You're not restricted in what you can do, only in how much. Except... our society doesn't work that way. Our society wants you to work at least 40 hours in a week, and all of our finances are based on that. So what happens if you can't? It's not an issue of accessibility. No amount of hearing aids, or ramps, or interpreters will make up for being too loving tired to participate. No amount of caffeine will oxygenate my tissues. Desire alone won't pay rent. Spite won't fill in an attendance sheet in college. Disability accessibility is meant to ease the difficulties someone might have in completing that 40-hour work week, in getting on a bus, in doing their shopping. What happens when you can't even do that?
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Jul 4, 2021 03:10
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Odd question, but there's been some work on perfluorocarbons that essentially allow plasma to carry oxygen (I learned about them over 10 years ago, so there's probably been some progress in that field). I'm not sure of their toxicity for regular use, but it would seem to me to be a relatively straightforward treatment; you're not doing something as difficult as a blood transfusion, and you're augmenting the patient's ability to carry oxygen without necessarily adding more iron than they can handle. There are some issues with perfluorocarbons as compared to hemoglobin (blood is seriously fascinating stuff!), but most of that has to do with how oxygen transport works and shouldn't be a major downside for a patient with anemia. Is that something you have any experience with? Might be worth checking with you doctor if you haven't looked into it yet.
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Jul 4, 2021 07:44
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StrangeAeon posted:Disability accessibility is meant to ease the difficulties someone might have in completing that 40-hour work week, in getting on a bus, in doing their shopping. You might as well not apply for a lot of jobs is what happens. Especially ones that require higher education. That's what happened to me. I'm a highly educated analytical chemist and I get turned down for low level lab technician positions because I can't work fulltime. Getting told repeatedly that they see I'm very good but they can't offer me a job because I can't work for 40 hours a week gets old really fast. I'm not asking to be paid the same for working less hours, and I'm not asking for any sort of accomodation other than reduced working hours, but industry in general seems incapable of understanding that someone who works 4 days a week instead of 5 is still worth hiring.
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Jul 4, 2021 10:15
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English is my second language and this is a complicated topic, forgive me if I'm not as eloquent as I'd like to be.StrangeAeon posted:A patient with thal-major faces a lifetime of blood transfusions and iron-chealtion treatments in a constant struggle to gain healthy blood without having so much iron that your blood effectively turns to acid. My medical condition has a similar outcome if completely uncontrolled leading into coma. Or, well, I suppose I should say my disability. That's the problem, really. Most people just don't think of it that way and that conditions even people like me to similarly dismiss it. It doesn't help that it's widely misunderstood too despite most people being convinced they understand it well. Which is my longwinded way of saying thanks for sharing that, it makes me feel like it's okay to talk about my own disability. So, speaking of invisible disabilities, you ever heard about Maturity-Onset Diabetes of the Young Even amongst people who are well-informed about diabetes, there's a mistaken belief that all forms of diabetes fall under type 1 and type 2. It's a pretty fundamental misunderstanding of what diabetes even is. Diabetes is a group of metabolic disorders that all have virtually nothing to do with each other aside from involving high blood sugar, it's actually a very broad umbrella. For instance, type 1 is an autoimmune disorder wherein white blood cells attack the insulin-producing cells of the pancreas directly leading to declining and then permanent loss of function over time whereas type 2 is a condition involving increased insulin resistance of your cells but no damage or loss of function to the pancreas. And then there's MODY. MODY itself represents a wide set of unique disabilities that symptomatically express themselves with diabetes and often (but not always) respond to similar treatments but have different sources. What they all have in common is that they're the result of mutation in a single gene. It's a rare condition with less than 1% of adults living with diabetes having the diagnosis. So what about you? I have MODY-5, which itself is a fairly uncommon form of MODY associated with atrophy of the pancreas and renal disease along with the usual potential long-term health risks that come with all forms of diabetes. The atrophy takes place because MODY-5 causes the metabolic receptors that should receive signal to produce insulin in my otherwise healthy pancreas to malfunction severely. Since my pancreas is otherwise healthy, this leads to atrophy over time which means that a small amount of natural insulin production eventually turns into nothing worsening my condition. Over time, this has made me dependent on insulin injections to live along with around half a dozen pills I have to take twice daily. Let's just say that when Hisao looked at all the meds that he's now required to take just to not freaking die, it was what we might call a mood for me. I also have to follow a fairly strict diet otherwise my problems will worsen, you don't realize just how processed sugar is in everything until having too much might send you into the emergency room. But I really don't have a choice. Not unless I just want to give up on myself, which isn't happening. Diagnosing rare mutations is hard It took around two and a half years while my condition kept getting worse. The first warning sign was that I kept losing weight at an alarming rate for seemingly no reason, but MODY is so rare and poorly understood outside of endocrinologists specialized in diabetes that it flew under the radar completely. I went on losing more and more weight, until eventually I fainted because of what's known as diabetic ketoacidosis. Yeah, it's exactly what you think it is. Your blood turns acid. After that happened and with the help of expensive genetic screening, we finally figured out what was wrong with me. There's not a lot of research going into MODY-5 though, so figuring out the best treatment for me was pretty laborious in itself. Other people with rare conditions will probably understand what I mean when I say that it's very frustrating how much of medical treatment for our disabilities is closer to guesswork than proper protocol. I don't have a name for this section There was going to be a section here about the prevalence of diabetes in the eyes of the public means there's a false sense of self-assurance in people that they understand everything about you and that they know your limitations. In a way, that's just as dangerous as ignorance because it makes people very confident in their misunderstandings and close-minded to being corrected. At least, it could be worse. I live somewhere with socialized healthcare, so I don't have to worry that unemployment or financial strain might directly lead to me being denied life-saving insulin. I have pretty strong feelings about how hosed up that is. I guess... what I'm trying to say is even if you think you know what someone's disability is all about and what they should and shouldn't be capable of as a result, maybe just take a step back instead. You never really know, even with good intentions. Sorry that last paragraph kinda fell apart, I'll try to organize my thoughts better on the topic and maybe write a follow-up later. Danakir fucked around with this message at 04:01 on Jul 7, 2021 |
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Jul 4, 2021 19:04
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Update 24: Dropping By EMI: "You worry too mu— Come in! The door's unlocked." So it is. I open the door and step in, which is about where my thought process comes to a grinding halt. Katawa Shoujo OST - Lullaby of Open Eyes  Emi is sitting up in bed, her hair tousled from a day spent asleep. I think this is the first time I've seen her without those familiar beads in her hair. Her gym shirt and bloomers, obviously hastily pulled on before I came in, are creased and folded from less than proper storage.  Her legs lay bare on the sheets. I've never seen Emi without prosthetics before. Yet here she is, slender legs terminating in stumps just below her knees. But as odd as the sight is, I find myself more captivated by everything north of the waist.  It seems that Emi had finished her conversation with whoever was on the phone with her, and is now watching my reaction closely out of her one open eye as she wipes sleep from the other. Her expression, far from being embarrassed, is rather one of a surprisingly wide yawn. One perhaps appropriate from such a small mouth. A grin that for a brief moment seems almost flirtatious tugs at the corner of her mouth as she takes the sight of me in. I can do nothing but remain in a state fluctuating between fear, confusion, and not a little bit of lust. Emi hastily sweeps her hair out of her eyes, fixing it back into place before addressing me.  Wait, did she just put the beads back in her hair? EMI: "You seem a bit caught off guard, Hisao." A wave of laughter erupts from her, and I find myself grinning and rubbing the back of my head ruefully. HISAO: "Sorry, I've just..." Never seen someone so disheveled look so attractive. Never seen you without your legs on. Never seen you look so... HISAO: "Um, sorry." Emi giggles again and moves to sit up a little straighter. I'm caught up in the movements of her shirt, very nearly losing myself. EMI: "I was wondering what your reaction would be. The nurse called and told me you were going to drop by, you see. And I know you haven't seen me... well, you know. Without legs." I respond in a tone of casual surprise. HISAO: "Oh, you don't have them on? I didn't notice." This is almost the truth. I very nearly didn't. I'm not trying to be suave or anything, mind you. Somehow I think Emi would get offended by that. (Sudden Silence) Instead, she sticks her tongue out at me and chucks a pillow at my head. EMI: "rear end." Katawa Shoujo OST - Hokabi I deftly catch the pillow and take careful aim before throwing. Emi laughs and rolls to one side, dodging my shot, the shifting of her shirt distracting me enough so that the next thrown pillow hits me right between the eyes. HISAO: "Oof!" I retaliate, of course. And once I've retaliated twice, well, a war was bound to break out sooner or later. And really, when Emi appears to have far better aim than me, well... It was just a matter of time before I'd have to resort to a suicidal charge. HISAO: "Gotcha!" EMI: "Eep!"   How the hell do I transcribe comic book-style sound effects? (Bam! Pow! Biff!) Yeah, sure, that’ll do. And once the charge was accomplished, well, of course I'd have to wrestle the pillows away from her. And with that kind of struggle, of course we'd wind up in this sort of position. Katawa Shoujo OST - Lullaby of Open Eyes And so I find myself staring down at her from my position atop her. She's grinning, eyes sparkling with amusement, maybe a little sweaty now from our tussle.  Her chest is heaving up and down, sucking in air. The small bit of my brain that is not currently enraptured by the sight and the smell of her observes that she must still be ill, because her stamina's not what it should be. We stay that way for a while. I'm not sure how long, because everything seems to go fuzzy. Everything that isn't her, anyway. Her eyes meet mine, and deep inside them I almost catch a glimpse of... what, fear? Longing? Hope? HISAO: "Emi...?" Katawa Shoujo OST - Standing Tall (Emi’s Theme)  A cough suddenly convulses her, and I'm almost stumbling in my haste to get off, to apologize for everything. HISAO: "Sorry, I shouldn't have..." EMI: "It's fine, it's fine." She gives me a reassuring pat on the shoulder. EMI: "So... what brings you here?" She's still breathing hard, and that causes her voice to shake slightly. HISAO: "Well, before I was so rudely assaulted by pillows, I came to see how you were doing."  (Wham!) This earns me another shove, and I very nearly fall off her bed. Emi's eyes sparkle again, and I wonder how I never noticed how attractive they are before. EMI: "Consumed with worry, were you?" Her tone is mocking, haughty. Teasing. She throws her arm across her forehead dramatically, grin still apparent from underneath." EMI: "Couldn't bear the thought of me laying deathly ill?" As we both recover from our brief wrestling match, Emi appears to fall back on teasing me. HISAO: "Well, I wouldn't say consumed with worry, but after you didn't show up this morning like a total wuss..." Emi pouts, crossing her arms petulantly and sticking her lower lip out. EMI: "It's not my fault. Nurse wouldn't allow it." HISAO: "Sure he wouldn't. I completely believe you." Emi sticks her tongue out again. EMI: "You're such a jerk, Hisao." HISAO: "So how was your day then, eh? Did you enjoy slacking off?" EMI: "Not really, the phone woke me up pretty early on." HISAO: "The phone?" EMI: "Yeah, the captain of the team called to make sure I was doing okay. Also to let me know it was okay to skip practice." Good, at least she wasn't alone all day. Someone checked up on her. Although I can't help but think that it should have been me. HISAO: "Oh, that's good. He really keeps an eye on you, huh?" Emi shrugs. EMI: "It's his job. Part of being the captain means you know where your team members are when they're not in school. Still, I guess it was nice of him to call, huh?" HISAO: "Yep. Sure was." Emi yawns and shimmies down into a more comfortable position. EMI: "So how was your day?" HISAO: "Kind of uneventful, you know? I went ahead and ran by myself, and talked with the nurse about how you were doing... (Silence)  I meander through the day's events, none of which are particularly engrossing. That's when I'm distracted by an arm finding its way across my waist. It seems that Emi fell asleep while I was talking so I draw her blanket to cover us.  She's rolled over on to her side, and now one leg is thrown over my legs, effectively trapping me. Katawa Shoujo OST - Comfort HISAO: "Hey." It seems a shame to wake her, but I have things to do. I gently shake her, but in response she only tightens her arm's grip on me and sighs a little. My resistance to this position crumbles rather quickly. The feeling of her body breathing steadily is both calming and incredibly stimulating at the same time. My breathing cannot decide if it wants to relax or speed up. Relaxation wins, and I find myself putting an arm around Emi. HISAO: "I think I'm in love." The words slip out and hang in the air unnoticed. At least I hope they've gone unnoticed.  Emi whimpers weakly through her dream, and her grip suddenly tightens again. For the first time since I've known her, I see tears running down Emi's face. It feels like my heart is about to break. I instinctively tighten my own grip and stroke her hair in what I hope is a soothing manner. Words of comfort, meaningless in this situation, spring to mind. Maybe I should wake her. Are you supposed to wake people having nightmares? I can't for the life of me remember. The decision is taken from me as Emi suddenly jerks awake with a cry.  EMI: "Dad!" This is... more than I think I want to hear without her knowing. I quickly sit upright and gently shake her shoulder to stir her. HISAO: "Hey, you okay?" What a silly question. EMI: "Huh? What? Hisao?" She shakes her head as if to clear it and quickly wipes her eyes. HISAO: "You had a nightmare. I think."  Emi shudders again and glances up at me a little cautiously, as if unsure whether or not she's actually up. EMI: "Y-yeah, I guess so." HISAO: "You wanna talk about it?" EMI: "Hmm?" A speedy internal debate seems to be going on in her head, which resolves itself with a shrug. EMI: "Nah, I don't really remember much of it." I'm pretty sure she's lying to me, but somehow I don't think I should press the issue. Emi shudders again and turns toward me, looking a little sheepish. EMI: "Sorry for falling asleep on you like that." I keep my voice as soothing as I can. HISAO: "Hey, don't worry about it. You've been ill." EMI: "Yeah, I guess that cold medicine's just made me a little drowsy." HISAO: "I guess so." Emi does not strike me as the sort of person who'd fall asleep at the drop of a hat. Rin, maybe. But Emi's far too energetic. Emi gives a half-smile at my response, and then just like that she's back to her old self. EMI: "Well, prepare yourself for tomorrow morning Hisao! We'll have to go twice as hard to make up for today!" HISAO: "But I went running this morning!" EMI: "No excuse!" HISAO: "Oh fine, I'll be ready for you!" Emi nods, satisfied. EMI: "Good." I take this as my cue to exit. HISAO: "Well, I'd better get going. Especially if I want to get enough sleep for tomorrow." I hop off the bed and head for the door. EMI: "Hey, Hisao..." HISAO: "Hmm?" I pivot neatly on my heel and face Emi.  She opens her mouth to say something, and then in another first, I see her falter slightly. She closes her mouth and opens it again.  EMI: "...Thanks. For dropping by, I mean. You're kind of the first visitor I've ever had who wasn't Rin." Now that's surprising. I would figure that Emi'd have people dropping by all the time. She's certainly popular enough, or so I thought. Always talking to people in the hallways. Emi hesitates again. EMI: "And thanks for staying around after I... well." A look of pain flits across her face. EMI: "You know. It helped." She brightens back up and waves cheerily at me. EMI: "See you tomorrow!" HISAO: "Yeah, see you later." I'm just about to exit the door when something makes me turn around again. HISAO: "Hey, Emi." EMI: "Hmm?" HISAO: "Anytime you need to talk, let me know, okay?" Emi seems taken aback by this offer. Her grin gets even wider. EMI: "Sure thing, Hisao. See you in the morning!"  I exit Emi's room with my head in a whirl. Should I have even left? Was she really okay? I want to turn around and march back down the hallway, open the door and tell her... Tell her I love her, tell her I think she's beautiful, tell her that I'll be there when she needs me. I want to stay with her, to hold her close as she falls back to sleep. How many nights has she woken up like that? Only to find that nobody's there. I want to be that person she can be with when that happens. It's a silly thought, I know. We don't know each other that well, do we? The whole idea, while exhilarating, also makes me feel worry. Worry, perhaps, that I'd overstep my bounds. And now to add to my troubles, it seems as if Emi herself already has an interest in someone else. This track captain of hers who seems so interested in her well-being. True, I've only seen the two of them together a few times, but that doesn't change the fact that they seem better suited to one another. There's really nothing to be done about that. I need to take my mind off of this whole situation. I've got homework to do. Maybe that will distract me. Katawa Shoujo OST ~ Passing of Time  A night of restlessness has left me feeling fairly groggy this morning. The events of the previous day keep intruding upon my mind. Katawa Shoujo OST - Moment of Decision Listen to that track. Do it. It’s important. The memory of how Emi felt against me. The memory of our wrestling match. And most bothersome, the memory of her nightmare. She was in so much pain. I can't stop wondering what it must be like for her to wake up with nobody there. The shower shocks me awake with hot water. Awake, but still worried. What will happen today? Will things just go back to normal? End of the episode, back to the status quo? There was a connection yesterday. Something that nearly pushed us past the boundaries of normal friendship. Would that have been so bad? My mind goes back to the look in Emi's eyes after our pillowfight. It almost seemed like she was daring me to go on. Almost. But I can't know for sure. Anyway, the track captain's probably first in her affections. But even as I say that, my mind is already snorting derisively. I'm just looking for an excuse. A reason for everything to go wrong. A reason to not try. It's not as if I've even seen the two of them together outside of track practice. And clearly he's never visited. Emi said as much herself. If they were close, surely he'd visit. I'm such a wuss. I ought to just go for it anyway, drat the consequences. That's what Emi would do, I think. Hell, I know that's what she'd do. Which is partially why I'm convinced there's no interest on her end. She hasn't acted either. Maybe because of this track captain. It's possible she's got a bit of an unrequited crush thing going on. But who would be able to clarify their relationship? It sure as hell can't be Emi. She'd probably just laugh and ask why I wanted to know... and I'm not ready to answer that yet. Rin... Rin would probably just give me some cryptic answer or something. And then with my luck, she'd just ask Emi, who would ask me why I wanted to know, and I've already covered that problem. I wonder... Could I get away with asking the nurse? He seems pretty protective of Emi. I'm sure he'd know if something was up... And he owes me for not letting Emi know he forgot to tell me about her being ill, so he'll keep quiet. What if he asks me why I want to know, though? I can shake him off. Just say I'm curious as a friend. He'll buy that, won't he? Of course! That's settled, then. After the run, I'll talk to him while Emi's waiting outside the office. There's no sign of Emi when I arrive at the track. Is she still too ill? I decide to give her ten minutes. I'm a little early, and she was ill yesterday, so if she takes a while to show up it shouldn't be surprising. Still, I'd hate to just waste my time, so I occupy myself by stretching and pacing back and forth anxiously. What if I went too far yesterday? What if she doesn't come because she's embarrassed? What if... (Sudden Silence)  EMI: "You're early again, Hisao! I'm impressed!" Just like that, I feel some of the tension leaving my body. Emi seems to be bright and cheerful as usual, with no sign that she even was ill the other day, much less had a less-than-restful sleep. Still, I have to ask. Katawa Shoujo OST - Lullaby of Open Eyes HISAO: "Sleep well last night?" It's just a throwaway question. Small talk. The sort of thing people ask someone they bump into in the cafe while getting their morning coffee. But not for us. At least, not for me. I don't know if Emi realizes that I'm actually concerned about how well she slept last night, but the question does give her pause.  After a short moment of what seems like her genuinely pondering this, she nods." EMI: "Yep! Sure did!" Was it because of me? Did I actually help? Or are you just saying that to get me to stop asking questions? HISAO: "Good to hear." Emi grins and begins warming up. EMI: "So, ready to begin?" HISAO: "Pfft, am I ready? Of course I'm ready! I was born ready!" Emi laughs at my bravado, and we take off running. I keep a steady pace the whole time, breathing steadily. I still feel dead at the end, but at least I don't gasp like a fish out of water now. Emi is positively beaming after the run today. EMI: "Nice job, Hisao! You're improving! You'll be half as fast as me in no time!" This last line is delivered with a teasing grin that I've grown all too used to. HISAO: "Oh, how exciting." Emi begins to run her sprints while I take a cool-down lap. She's really pushing herself today. By the time I'm done with my lap, she's laying across one of the bleachers, looking exhausted. HISAO: "Goodness, not pushing it a little too much today, are you? You did just have a cold, you'll recall." Emi gives an annoyed snort and sits up. EMI: "Bah! I'm just trying to make up for lost time, that's all. I went twice as hard today, you know. A good run always gets the kinks out, you know.”  EMI: "Clears the mind, too." HISAO: "Oh?" Emi nods vigorously. EMI: "Yep! It's a great outlet for that sort of thing." She does not explain further, and I don't ask. I suspect I know the real reason she went so hard today. Being sick had nothing to do with it. Something's bothering her. Maybe the nightmare. Maybe something else. But it's not my place to pry. She'd tell me if she wanted me to know. HISAO: "I'm sure that comes in handy." EMI: "You have no idea." The sincerity in her voice confirms my suspicion. The only problem is... Even though I know she'd tell me if she wanted me to know, I still want to know. HISAO: "Something on your mind, then?" Emi doesn't seem surprised by my question. Instead, she shrugs. EMI: "Nah, it's nothing worth getting worried about." She seems as if she's trying to convince herself as much as she's convincing me. I open my mouth to ask if yesterday is responsible for her current state of mind, but think better of it. Too much risk of her taking the question the wrong way. Besides, I'm not even sure myself what to think about yesterday. Really I can only get about as far as how it felt to have Emi sleeping next to me before my brain shuts down. Having her before me now, covered in sweat and looking wryly at me, she's making it difficult to think. HISAO: "Yeah, I hear you." EMI: "We'd better hurry to see the nurse. We're running short on time." HISAO: "Aren't we always?" Emi laughs at this, a dry chuckle that seems most un-Emi-like. EMI: "Too true."  For a brief moment, she looks old, worn down by some old hurt. But just like yesterday I can almost see her shouldering the burden and straightening up slightly.  And then she's back to being Emi again. EMI: "Come on then Hisao. Race ya!" With a sudden smile, she darts off. HISAO: "Hey! No fair!" I take off after her, knowing I won't catch her but not caring. Even if there's no chance of catching her, I'll still run after her. Falconier111 fucked around with this message at 20:40 on Aug 24, 2021 |
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Jul 5, 2021 20:49
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So we've got a pretty transparent set-up for Emi's Big Emotional Vulnerability Moment. But what does Hisao bring to the plot?
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Jul 6, 2021 04:16
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Decoy Badger posted:So we've got a pretty transparent set-up for Emi's Big Emotional Vulnerability Moment. But what does Hisao bring to the plot? He gives the plot legs.  I'm sorryyyy
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Jul 6, 2021 05:02
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Decoy Badger posted:But what does Hisao bring to the plot? It would appear that, at minimum, he's someone who's willing to be supportive and engage with her on an emotional level. And sure, almost any other character in the game could do that, but they aren't.
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Jul 6, 2021 05:06
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I'm going to guess Emi hasn't been forthcoming about how she really feels to anyone.
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Jul 6, 2021 06:28
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Besides, a character can be there just to listen to another and still be valuable and memorable. See Nikita Ivanitch in Swansong by Chekhov.
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Jul 6, 2021 07:33
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I'd also that was as much a chance to see Hisao's character growth as it was a deeper look at Emi and her struggles. Also Hisao's internal teenage guy struggle over whether or not to, much less how to express his interest to a girl he is extremely into is... extremely relatable for me.
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Jul 6, 2021 17:29
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It helps that he’s surprising mature about the whole thing; I remember dithering and getting caught up in myself a lot more than he does. Like, he actually stops himself from speculating at one point and goes, literally, “This is stupid. I should just ask Emi”. I like to think I was an unusually self-aware teenager. I was not that self-aware. And I definitely wasn’t confident enough to do that. It’s kind of refreshing, you know? You know it’s the good kind of movie when you shout something at the screen and then the characters do it. Not speaking of which, it’s that time again! We are closing in on the end of Act 2, and I want to get my ducks in order before I update the OP appropriately, especially since we’ve had some real  posts over the last couple pages. Psycho Lawnmower, Violet_Sky, Dance Officer, StrangeAeon, Danakir, I’d like to include some of your posts in the OP. My dedication to oral history ethical standards is decaying over time, but it’s still intact enough that I need your explicit permission (in the thread or in a PM) to include them in the OP, and you have the right to have the link expunged at any time. You can also grant me blanket permission to archive your posts; the magic words are “permission unless requested otherwise”, or some less artificial phrasing of the same idea. Mikl, EclecticTastes, Nidoking, ChrisBTY (I think, if I read your post right), I’m planning on selecting some of your posts and you all already given blanket permission, so you don’t have to respond if you don’t want to. You all can still request I take something down or retract that permission whenever you want.Speaking of retraction rights, I’m considering crossposting this LP on AO3, partly to spread the good word and partly for storage purposes; finding out that SA went entirely without backups for years has eroded my confidence in it sticking around. Would the thread be comfortable with me uploading some of those posts there as well? It’s not like I’ll be doing anything with them other than grouping them together in chapters for each subheading in the OP, but I would be transplanting them to another site and I won’t do so unless the thread makes it collectively clear they’re okay with that, and retraction rights will still apply there.
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Jul 6, 2021 22:12
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Falconier111 posted:Speaking of retraction rights, I’m considering crossposting this LP on AO3, partly to spread the good word and partly for storage purposes; finding out that SA went entirely without backups for years has eroded my confidence in it sticking around. Would the thread be comfortable with me uploading some of those posts there as well? It’s not like I’ll be doing anything with them other than grouping them together in chapters for each subheading in the OP, but I would be transplanting them to another site and I won’t do so unless the thread makes it collectively clear they’re okay with that, and retraction rights will still apply there. Keep in mind there's also the LP Archive.
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Jul 6, 2021 22:21
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Falconier111 posted:Speaking of retraction rights, I’m considering crossposting this LP on AO3, partly to spread the good word and partly for storage purposes; finding out that SA went entirely without backups for years has eroded my confidence in it sticking around. Would the thread be comfortable with me uploading some of those posts there as well? It’s not like I’ll be doing anything with them other than grouping them together in chapters for each subheading in the OP, but I would be transplanting them to another site and I won’t do so unless the thread makes it collectively clear they’re okay with that, and retraction rights will still apply there. I'm sure I don't mind, but... uh... what is AO3? EDIT V Ah, I see. Sure, no problem. Alien Arcana fucked around with this message at 00:18 on Jul 7, 2021 |
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Jul 6, 2021 23:23
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Ao3, or Archive of Our Own, is a fanfiction archive (technically an archive for any fanwork involving text). As Wikipedia puts it, quote:The site has received positive reception for its curation, organization and design, mostly done by readers and writers of fanfiction. Archive of Our Own won the Hugo Award for Best Related Work in 2019.
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Jul 6, 2021 23:38
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Falconier111 posted:Psycho Lawnmower, Violet_Sky, Dance Officer, StrangeAeon, Danakir, I’d like to include some of your posts in the OP. My dedication to oral history ethical standards is decaying over time, but it’s still intact enough that I need your explicit permission (in the thread or in a PM) to include them in the OP, and you have the right to have the link expunged at any time. I'm still thinking about that follow-up I mentioned, it's a difficult topic and I'm worried I might be poorly equipped to do it justice. With that said, feel free to use my post in the OP. As for reposting the LP on Ao3, if it can serve as a backup then I don't see any problem with that.
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Jul 7, 2021 00:05
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I'm not sure what's so valuable about any of my posts in this thread, but you have my permission to throw any of them into the OP.
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Jul 7, 2021 03:14
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Dance Officer posted:I'm not sure what's so valuable about any of my posts in this thread, but you have my permission to throw any of them into the OP. This.
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Jul 7, 2021 04:23
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I'm fine with my comments being uploaded on AO3, though I would prefer you not use my full username there and just put me down as "G."
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Jul 7, 2021 16:18
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Update 25: The (Real) Beginning (Silence)  EMI: "Well well, look who's finally shown up!" HISAO: "Yeah, yeah. Enjoy your victory while you can." Emi grins as the nurse pokes his head out of the door. NURSE: "Well, there you are. Come on in, Hisao." Katawa Shoujo OST - Ah Eh I Oh You  In what has become a familiar routine by now, he checks my blood pressure and my heart rate. NURSE: "A bit fast today, isn't it?" HISAO: "Yeah, I kind of raced Emi here." The nurse laughs. NURSE: "That's never a good idea!" He leans in to whisper to me in a conspiratory manner. NURSE: "I don't know if you've heard... but Emi's a bit of a track star." I reel back in mock surprise. HISAO: "Really? She never mentioned it before!" The two of us share a laugh. NURSE: "Did she do okay today? Cold seemed to bother her?" HISAO: "Why don't you ask her?" He rolls his eyes in exasperation.  NURSE: "Of course I'm going to ask her too, but she'll tell me that she didn't have any problems, regardless of whether or not she did.”  NURSE: “So I'm asking you, because you're her friend and would probably tell me if she had trouble today." When he puts it that way, it makes a lot more sense. HISAO: "She seemed pretty good today, if a little more tired than usual. She was already feeling better when I dropped by yesterday, so I'm not that surprised." The nurse nods, though I notice he tenses slightly when I mention yesterday's visit. NURSE: "Well, that's good to hear. I figured it was just a 24-hour thing. Emi tends to recover quickly from colds and the like." HISAO: "Hey, speaking of Emi... Are she and the track captain...? Well, you know." A look of suspicion crosses his face. NURSE: "Why do you ask?" HISAO: "Well, it's just that they seem kind of close, and I was just curious, you know? And I'd never ask her, because that would be kind of embarrassing." So far, so good. Now to really sell it. HISAO: "Besides, I think they'd make a cute couple." The nurse laughs. NURSE: "Well, I don't suppose you're the first to think that. But I think I can say with some certainty that the two of them will never do anything like that." HISAO: "Certainty?"  NURSE: "Yep. Not that I could tell you, of course. Confidentiality and all that." I love how this part of the game was hand-crafted to drive Psycho Lawnmower up the wall HISAO: "Yeah right, you just like holding a secret over my head." NURSE: "That too. Right. Get out of here. I'm a busy man, you know." (Silence) I roll my eyes at his last statement and head out the door, motioning to Emi to go in. The whole time, I'm trying to keep from doing a celebratory dance. Katawa Shoujo OST - Hokabi The two of them will never do anything like that. That's precisely the sort of thing I wanted to hear. I'm half-tempted to make some sort of a move on Emi right now, but I think the nurse would probably disapprove. Besides, I still don't know exactly how Emi feels about me. I mean it's obvious that she cares about me as a friend, but something more than that? I can't be certain. Even so, I can't help but feel hopeful. I just need to figure out a good time to tell Emi exactly how I feel. That puzzle should keep me occupied for the rest of the day, at least. (Silence)  The rooftop is completely deserted. Normally I could count on Rin to be up here before me, but she's strangely absent. I wonder if she decided to accompany Emi to the cafeteria for once. That seems pretty unlikely, but it's all I can think of right now. Part of me wants to go look for Rin, but a far larger part of me is too pleased with the way the sun feels on my skin to care. I pick idly at my lunch while I wait for Emi and Rin to show up. It does not take long for me to hear the sounds of someone coming up the stairs. I wait until the door begins to open before talking. HISAO: "Took you long enough. Keeping me waiting for you, honestly. The two of you are... Huh?" Well that's odd.  The only person standing in the doorway is Emi, who looks mildly confused. EMI: "What do you mean, “huh?” It's me! You know, Emi! We run in the mornings." She grins, and I feel my heart jump slightly in my chest at the sight. HISAO: "Yes, I knew that. I'm just confused... ...Where's Rin?" Emi's grin is replaced by a rather guilty-looking expression. EMI: "Yeah, about that... I kind of... sort of... Gavehermycold." Katawa Shoujo OST - Everyday Fantasy HISAO: "Oh dear. Am I at risk too?" It would make sense, after all. Emi and I were in close contact the other day... So what did she and Rin do that got her ill? ... Steady on, old lad. Don't go down that road. Rin's just probably got a worse immune system than me. Emi seems shocked by my comment, like she hadn't considered that before. EMI: "I hope not! I'll feel terrible if you get ill because of me, Hisao!" HISAO: "Oh man, I think I feel a fever coming on..." Emi looks horrified, and then quickly shifts into a more angry expression. EMI: "Hisao! You stop getting sick this instant! I won't have it!"  Impulsively she seizes me by the collar. EMI: "Are you listening to me, Hisao's immune system? Get your rear end in gear!" I give a smart salute. HISAO: "Duly noted, ma'am." Emi steps back and nods, satisfied. EMI: "Good. You are not allowed to miss any of our morning runs, after all." HISAO: "But you missed a morning run!" Emi crosses her arms and looks at me haughtily. EMI: "Yes, but that's a special case. It was me, and not you." HISAO: "That's not an explanation at all." Emi looks flabbergasted. EMI: "You're kidding, right? That explanation makes perfect sense!" HISAO: "No it doesn't! It's a blatant double standard!" EMI: "I don't see what that has to do with anything." HISAO: "Oh, fine." Emi seems pleased by her victory. HISAO: "Anyway, is Rin going to be okay? She's not terribly ill, right?" Emi shakes her head. EMI: "Nope! She'll be fine. I got her some cold medicine that should help her. Although I probably should have made sure she didn't try to take them all at once... She's done it before, you know." Somehow, I don't find this all that surprising. I doubt Rin is one to pay attention to maximum dosages and such. HISAO: "You should probably check in on her later, then. Just to make sure." Emi shrugs. EMI: "I'll stop by after practice. She'll be fine until then." I nod, figuring that line of conversation is over. The only problem is, I don't know what else to talk about. HISAO: "So... You got any more track meets coming up?" This is a terribly roundabout way of trying to see if she's free on the weekend. If she's free, then maybe I can ask her on a date or something. Well, assuming I can get myself to actually form the words. Emi shakes her head. EMI: "Nah, not for another couple weeks, I think. The season's winding down." Oh yeah. I came in right in the middle of things, didn't I? Does that mean exams are coming up soon? I should probably look into that. HISAO: "What do you do on weekends if there's not a meet?" An eyebrow goes up, and Emi gets a teasing look on her face. EMI: "You're awfully inquisitive today, aren't you?" I shrug and hope it looks casual. HISAO: "Just making conversation. I don't know what it's like to be a track star, after all." EMI: "Pfft, flattery." She waves a hand idly. EMI: "I'm not actually that good, you know. You just so happened to see me on a good day, is all." HISAO: "You liar." EMI: "Heh, yeah. But humility is the sign of a good athlete.” (Silence)  EMI: At least that's what my dad used to say." She shrugs and tries unsuccessfully to hide the rather troubled expression her face has taken on. HISAO: "Hey, what's up? You seem bothered by something." Emi starts to deny it, then sighs in defeat. I wonder if she's too tired from being sick to get herself to deny it like usual. Or if she actually just trusts me enough at this point to open up. Katawa Shoujo OST - Comfort EMI: "Well, you remember last night?" Do I ever. I settle for nodding, however.  EMI: "That's not the first time that's happened to me. Actually, I get them kind of..." She pauses, as if it's suddenly occurred to her what she's doing. It's almost like she's breaking some sort of personal rule, here. But she starts up again, choosing her words carefully. EMI: "Well, not often, but... On occasion. It's just been one of those weeks where that's what happens." A sigh escapes her, and she looks terribly frustrated.  I reach over and give her a hug, which unlike last time doesn't seem to shock her. Instead, she seems to relax as my arms wrap around her. We stay that way for a while. HISAO: "Hey, you know I was serious last night. You really can talk to me if stuff like this is bothering you. It's always difficult to do this sort of thing solo, you know?" Emi smiles and breaks the embrace, but stays leaning on my shoulder. EMI: "Thanks, Hisao. I'll be fine, I think." I can already see her reassembling herself, getting ready to bottle it all up again. Guess that topic's closed, now. HISAO: "So hey, given any more thought to that career survey?" EMI: "Can't say I have. I don't tend to plan very far ahead, you know. Although I suppose I could at least start looking into college, huh?" I shrug. HISAO: "I suppose, unless you were serious about that pirate thing. Last I checked, pirates didn't have much need for universities. Unless there's like, a pirate university out there somewhere." Emi giggles and starts to look a little like her old self, but there's a new element to her expression.  Impish. That's how I'd describe it. Emi looks impish, looking up at me with her head nestled into my shoulder. EMI: "Would you come with me if I ran off to be a pirate?" HISAO: "Of course I would! Who in their right mind would pass up the opportunity to be pirates with you?" EMI: "Well, when you put it that way, I'm not sure." She giggles again. I notice that my heart seems to have sped up. It's probably due to Emi's proximity to me. That hint of strawberries, again. I can't help but grin as I gaze down at her. She's happy again. EMI: "Hey, Hisao." HISAO: "Hmm?"  EMI: "If you're going to kiss me, you should probably do it soon. I think the lunch bell is about to ring." (Sudden Silence) My thoughts grind to a sudden halt. I'm pretty sure my mouth is hanging open in shock. All I can manage is a strangled “Huh?” This amuses Emi even more. EMI: "You were thinking about it, weren't you?" She sits up, bringing her face level with mine. EMI: "I'd probably enjoy it, you know? You're a really... ...Well." She briefly composes herself, looking like she's about to say something important. EMI: "If you hadn't figured it out by now, I think I've developed a bit of a crush on you. You're going to have to do something about that." This time her grin short circuits several important thought processes. At some point I turned toward her, and at another point her arms moved to around my neck. At yet another, my arms wrapped around her waist. I'll be damned if I could tell precisely when that happened. Because at the moment, there's only a voice in the back of my head yelling at me to kiss her. I look into Emi's eyes. There it is. The thing I saw yesterday on the bed. It's there again. It suddenly strikes me that she's worried that I'll reject her. What a silly worry for her to have. If you can listen to music right now, click the next link and listen to it for the rest of the update. Trust me. Katawa Shoujo OST - Romance in Andante II  Her lips taste faintly of strawberries. She leans into the kiss, and her arms tighten around the back of my head, making sure that I don't pull away. Not that there was any danger of that. There's a churning feeling in my gut. The world falls away. There's just me, and her, and this bench. My arms tighten, drawing her waist closer, entranced by the feel of her. I inhale her scent, my mind trying desperately to memorize everything about how she tastes, how she smells, how she feels.  The ringing of the bell snaps us both back to reality, and we break the kiss. Emi's cheeks are slightly flushed, and she seems to be catching her breath. In her defense, so am I. We stand there for a few moments, trying to wrap our heads around what we've just done. Emi is the first to break the silence. EMI: "So...”  EMI: "... Wanna grab dinner after I'm done with practice?" HISAO: "What a coincidence. I was about to ask you the same thing." Well, actually I suppose it was going to be some kind of proper date on the weekend or something. But the thought was there, I think. Emi gives me a playful shove. EMI: "Yeah right. You were still in shock from how incredibly awesome I am at kissing." We begin to head down the stairs back to our respective classrooms. HISAO: "Hey, I didn't see you talking immediately afterwards either." EMI: "That I didn't. See you after practice, Hisao."  Her sprite flashes forward and fades off to the right. She leans in quickly and gives me a quick kiss in the middle of the hallway, sending me into another brief state of mental freefall. As I head into my classroom, a giggling Misha greets me.  MISHA: "Why Hicchan, you romantic, you~! Did you confess on the rooftop? Did you~?" HISAO: "Er, actually I think it was the other way around." This sends Misha into a fresh fit of laughter. MISHA: "Young love is so unpredictable, isn't it~?" This being Misha, I suppose I should have expected her to tease me over this. HISAO: "I guess..." Before I can really respond, Mutou's entered the room and Misha skips off to her seat, giggling all the while. I suspect that I'll get a lot of that sort of conversation now, especially seeing as how Emi kissed me right in the middle of the hall. But somehow, I don't care about that.  For the first time since arriving here, my heart feels light. END OF ACT 2 Falconier111 fucked around with this message at 20:41 on Aug 24, 2021 |
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Jul 7, 2021 18:13
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Gz on beating off the cooties, champ.
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Jul 7, 2021 18:27
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GrayGriffin posted:I'm fine with my comments being uploaded on AO3, though I would prefer you not use my full username there and just put me down as "G." I'll echo this sentiment. I don't mind being quoted as-is for the LP Archive, but I know precisely nothing about AO3 beyond it being a website for fanfics, so I'd rather be kept anonymous on there.
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Jul 7, 2021 19:05
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Falconier111 posted:Not speaking of which, it’s that time again! We are closing in on the end of Act 2, and I want to get my ducks in order before I update the OP appropriately, especially since we’ve had some real Yes I am cool with whatever I say being posted wherever. It needs to be said in more places. (I guess I could also talk about how the Involuntary Celibacy movement started as a way for disabled/LGBT people could come together and support each other before it was taken over by, well...Incels. But I don't feel qualified enough to speak on that). ChrisBTY fucked around with this message at 20:29 on Jul 7, 2021 |
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Jul 7, 2021 20:26
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Since a couple people mentioned paraprofessionals, it occurs to me that the lack thereof in this game is possibly the biggest departure from reality. Of course, like most high school-setting dating sims, it doesn't have the characters spending a lot of time in class, which is where the paras would be most involved, but I'd expect to get the sense that they're around. But I guess one of the other hallmarks of high school-setting dating sims is minimizing the involvement of adults in the characters' lives, so that's probably why. Interesting to see the characters discussing college plans. In general, at the time that I was working in Japan (which was around the time the game was made), it was assumed that students at special-needs schools wouldn't continue on to higher education, and as such there wasn't a lot of support/test prep available to students who wanted to. (On the one hand, the entrance exam-based system of college admissions allows a little less opportunity for students to be rejected due to admissions people judging them based on their high school; on the other hand, it's pretty well established at this point that standardized testing is a skill set in itself and students who don't have the opportunity to build those skills are at a disadvantage.) The schools generally offer vocational training instead. I haven't looked deeply into how things stand now, but some cursory googling suggests that this assumption is starting to change and there have been some efforts in recent years to offer students with disabilities support for getting into college if they want to.
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Jul 7, 2021 22:47
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