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Get out of my way everyone, I want to be the first guy on the ladder up the walls covered with angry men with swords so I can get first dibs on all the loot and comely maidens to ravage. There is nothing that could possibly go wrong with this plan.
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Oct 24, 2021 17:42
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gently caress, now I'm covered in boiling oil. Oh well, I'm sure current medical science of smearing honey and horse dung onto my horrific burns will fix me right up.
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Oct 24, 2021 17:43
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I was just climbing up the castle privy chute for fun didn't realize there was a siege going on
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Oct 24, 2021 17:47
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Hey boys, look at that dumbass rapist go up the ladder first
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Oct 24, 2021 17:49
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i wanna be in charge of catapulting all the dead bodies over the walls so everyone in the castle all gets the plague and poo poo lol fuckers
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Oct 24, 2021 17:53
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What if we just put ourselves in the catapults and fly over the walls
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Oct 24, 2021 17:57
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I have an idea. First, we build an enormous, wooden rabbit...
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Oct 24, 2021 17:58
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*soldiers paid by the day* *siege goes on for months/years* someone good at the economy please help
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Oct 24, 2021 17:59
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GolfHole posted:*soldiers paid by the day* siege faster https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eQh2C1VRYBM
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Oct 24, 2021 18:20
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I think i caught cholera waiting around
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Oct 24, 2021 18:21
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GolfHole posted:*soldiers paid by the day* Order more frontal assaults
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Oct 24, 2021 18:21
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I’m going to dig under the walls. Hopefully the protagonist doesn’t lead a daring operation to flood the tunnels near the end of act two
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Oct 24, 2021 18:22
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Eats my horse on day 1.
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Oct 24, 2021 18:28
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I'm just going to eat diarrhea inducing foods so my comrades have plenty of poo poo to fling over the walls. I'm doing my part!
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Oct 24, 2021 18:29
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Has anyone tried knocking on the gate and asking to be let in yet?
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Oct 24, 2021 18:30
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well time to forage for lunch again. the area around camp is pretty picked over at this point though, hope i can at least find some fresh twigs and a beetle or two.
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Oct 24, 2021 18:33
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The swimming pool has poop in it! The swimming pool has poop in it!
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Oct 24, 2021 18:34
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it sure is great to think that by throwing ourselves into this horrible meat grinder of a war that Lord Fartington might one day regain the throne of all the land from his hated cousin Lord Ballocks *gestures at several hundred acres of damp barley fields*
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Oct 24, 2021 18:37
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Really attacking a castle is for the lazy armies. Just camp outside of it for a month until everyone inside dies or comes out to get killed.
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Oct 24, 2021 18:59
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Hey don't look at me, I'm just the cook Here's your slop, don't forget to pick up some hard tack
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Oct 24, 2021 19:01
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Hey that Joan of Arc chick is kind of cute. I'm not sure about all this "talking to god" stuff she's always going on about, but if killing the English might get me a shot of getting into her breeches then I'm all for it.
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Oct 24, 2021 19:02
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Vakal posted:gently caress, now I'm covered in boiling oil. actually, in these current times boiling oil isn't really used when boiling water is much easier to aaaaAAARRRAAARRRRGGGH
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Oct 24, 2021 19:07
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This army doesn't have enough metal helmets to go around, but it does have a comprehensive compensation plan. Anyone who gets clunked on the head by a rock and doesn't die will be given a cushy job as a poo poo bucket hauler for life.
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Oct 24, 2021 19:15
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GolfHole posted:*soldiers paid by the day* Tell them we'll pay them more but in a lump sum after the siege and just hope most of them die.
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Oct 24, 2021 19:22
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Nooner posted:i wanna be in charge of catapulting all the dead bodies over the walls so everyone in the castle all gets the plague and poo poo lol fuckers I just took a ballista to the face and offer myself up as tribute
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Oct 24, 2021 19:25
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Oh no, I pooped myself to death in a tent before even seeing an enemy soldier.
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Oct 24, 2021 19:27
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*Stands at the side of a catapult with my arms behind my back, looking Really Important and thus not obliged to go up the death ladder where all the barbarians are waiting as I watch 6 men fling giant rocks at the castle wall destroying it slowly but surely*
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Oct 24, 2021 19:34
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See those openings in the stone wall by the gate? Those are called the murder holes. Don't let the name fool you, they are more of a trap door than a hole.
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Oct 24, 2021 19:35
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Move over fuckers I'll show you how its done!!!!!!!!
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Oct 24, 2021 19:37
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i dont wanna siege the castle im scared 
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Oct 24, 2021 19:46
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EorayMel posted:Move over fuckers I'll show you how its done!!!!!!!! Pff. It'll never catch on.
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Oct 24, 2021 19:46
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*designs new siege engines to get out of gym class* "See it's like a ballista, but on the block chain"
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Oct 24, 2021 19:48
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It is a simple legal matter - When upon exercising their right to bridal inspection no maidenhead could be discovered, the Princes rejected her outright as unfit for their nephews bed and marriage into the blood. When the whores family objected to her removal to a house for such women, they insulted the royal honours of our Dread Lords, and it is their wont to deliver satisfaction. They say the first man to unfurl the royal banner from the granary will take on it's maintenance for five harvests. They bless us with such opportunity for advancement.
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Oct 24, 2021 19:50
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"AT DAWN... WE TUG!"
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Oct 24, 2021 19:54
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ikanreed posted:*designs new siege engines to get out of gym class* lmfao
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Oct 24, 2021 19:54
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*considers the dekenzian aspects*
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Oct 24, 2021 19:54
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They call me Shitmouth m'lord.
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Oct 24, 2021 19:55
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I'm the first guy who makes it up the siege ladders, pulls two swords out and makes a menacing face and then gets stabbed from behind in the neck. AMA
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Oct 24, 2021 20:02
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*poops self to death after drinking spicy water*
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Oct 24, 2021 20:10
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What the.....Hey guys, this is just a *model* of a castle!
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Oct 24, 2021 20:30
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