- Dads Dip Cup
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okay folks, we've tried turning our browser into a payday loan institution and negging our userbase when they try to leave but we're still bleeding users here. Stanley suggested we just start threatening to murder people and though we're open to the idea we'd like to try a few more slightly less heavy-handed options first so I am opening this meeting to suggestions
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Dec 3, 2021 14:16
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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Apr 24, 2024 16:40
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- Dads Dip Cup
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perhaps we could turn it into a mobile game style gacha or lootbox system where you collect websites to visit using virtual currency purchased with real money
obviously the most common ones will be stuff like your cousin's Facebook page or websites for businesses that went defunct in 2004 but you can still use them to level up your other sites and unlock cool features such as the ability to click on links or input text into text fields
goatse.cx would be "ultra rare" tier, naturally
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Dec 3, 2021 14:20
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- cruft
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Have we considered bundling Bonzi Buddy?
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Dec 3, 2021 15:08
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- Dads Dip Cup
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*goes to click the "Install Firefox" button but it keeps moving to the other side of the screen every time I try to click it*
Clippy (visibly trying not to laugh): "It looks like you're having trouble. Would you like some help?"
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Dec 3, 2021 15:40
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- Buttchocks
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No, I like my hat, thanks.
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How about spending millions of dollars on an ad campaign with the slogan "Once you're over the Edge, you can never come back, just like dogs going to heaven."
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Dec 3, 2021 19:37
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- Dads Dip Cup
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"you're here because your parents care about you, kid. they saw that you were about to make a mistake. the same mistake I made. I used to be like you, kid. I thought Google Chrome was the hottest, fastest, most secure browser out there, everyone in my neighborhood was using it. you know what I ended up with? 25 years in federal prison. you think this is a fuckin' game, kid? they'll chew your rear end up and spit you out on the sidewalk, they'll put you on the lowest rung of the social ladder for the rest of your life"
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Dec 4, 2021 02:45
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- cruft
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This might seem crazy but hear me out.
What if we just made a sold browser, kept it updated, tried not to gently caress it up, and then just waited for everyone to sour on Google?
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Dec 4, 2021 22:02
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- NyaNyaMeister
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Bruh-nyuu~
I am from this
stupid country 
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Introduce a virtual currency called "EdgeBux" that pays you everytime you refer Edge to someone. Partner up with like 2 stores in New York that are both 1 dollar pizza places where the Bux can be exchanged for a discount on a single pizza slice.
Current mood: https://vimeo.com/921220930
Thank you Heather Papps for the awesome sig
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Dec 4, 2021 22:18
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- google THIS
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Ok remember that alarm clock that donates to a nonprofit/political party you hate if you hit snooze? Pretty much that if they switch away from Edge, and the evil company we give the money to? Alphabet Inc.
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Dec 4, 2021 22:55
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- Buttchocks
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No, I like my hat, thanks.
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We hire Russians to make posts on Facebook saying that Edge won the election.
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Dec 5, 2021 00:06
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- Dads Dip Cup
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"how about if they try to leave we show them a picture of a kitten in a hammock and then tell them we're going to take the kitten's hammock away if they switch browsers"
*horrified gasps from everyone in the conference room, including Satan who is also in attendance*
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Dec 5, 2021 03:11
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- Robot Made of Meat
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OK, since we're just spitballing here . . . and I know this might sound crazy -- what if we made Edge not suck? What if we didn't force it on everyone using misleading tricks?
Sorry, sorry, I don't know what's wrong with me today. I don't know what I was thinking.
Thanks to Manifisto for the sig!
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Dec 5, 2021 03:15
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- Buttchocks
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No, I like my hat, thanks.
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wrong thread
Buttchocks fucked around with this message at 04:19 on Dec 5, 2021
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Dec 5, 2021 03:39
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- google THIS
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An Edge/DS9 crossover! That's it!
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Dec 5, 2021 04:07
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- Bright Bart
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False. There is only one electron and it has never stopped
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OK, since we're just spitballing here . . . and I know this might sound crazy -- what if we made Edge not suck? What if we didn't force it on everyone using misleading tricks?
Sorry, sorry, I don't know what's wrong with me today. I don't know what I was thinking.
I know you apologized but still...
Straight out the window.
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Dec 5, 2021 08:48
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- Fredrik1
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Gopherslayer
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Ok, ok, how about, a pachinko machine, but for websites.
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Dec 5, 2021 17:18
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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Apr 24, 2024 16:40
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- google THIS
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Straight out the Windows.
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Dec 5, 2021 19:15
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Dec 3, 2021 14:16
