echinopsis posted:

he just had a cardiac arrest and passed away 😓

honestly the support and warmth everyone here has shown has been incredible and really, I appreciate it from bottom of my heart. love to you all

echinopsis posted:

he just had a cardiac arrest and passed away 😓

honestly the support and warmth everyone here has shown has been incredible and really, I appreciate it from bottom of my heart. love to you all

echinopsis posted:

he just had a cardiac arrest and passed away 😓

rotor posted:

sounds like he went pretty fast without a lot of pain and frankly that's the most any of us can hope for. Rest in peace, echis dad.

echinopsis posted:

he just had a cardiac arrest and passed away 😓

honestly the support and warmth everyone here has shown has been incredible and really, I appreciate it from bottom of my heart. love to you all

echinopsis posted:

it's a complicated thing with my dad. don't mind the ramble

from some angles, my dad was someone to be proud of. he was the first cop in all of nz to have a beard, broke the rules until they changed them.

he was an undercover drug cop in the 70s. thankfully didn't end up addicted to heroin like a lot of his contemporaries. he tells a story once of busting a kid for lsd at a led zepplin concert. wow way to ruin a persons night.

and he then became a detective in what they called the indecency squad. thats the absolute rear end end of humanity there, he would tell stories of locking up dudes who had raped infants, that kind of absolute horror poo poo. there's some solace to be taken in that he's fuckin stuck it to the worst pieces of poo poo in our society.

so he's seen the worst of the worst. motor vehicle accidents, suicides. I don't actually have much of an idea about it tbh because surprisingly he doesn't talk about it much. for some reason, some dude who has the same name as my brother, had shot himself in the head with a shotgun, and my dad ended up with that gun. idk why he wanted it, kinda weird if you ask me.

and my understanding is that they didn't offer much counselling back in the day, he said he had a single session with someone to try to work through all that poo poo


and so he's emotionally utterly broken. can barely show anything that isn't grumpiness or anger


and he's awful to my mother. he's left her 5 times for other women, and then just moved back in without really discussing it. idk what to think about my mother just condoning it. he never does anything around the house, and when you start to talk about something he doesn't like, he'll audible moan over and over from the other room. as in, not when you're talking to him, when I'm talking to my mum and he doesn't like what he's hearing as he eavesdrops

anyone who spends much time with me irl will eventually hear from me how much I really don't like my father. he's OK to me, and I think i'm "the apple of his eye", but I wouldn't really know, as he's never said anything like he's proud of me or anything. he does lament how he never forced me to play rugby. but it's the awful way he treats my mother that makes me feel so much disdain.

he's a poo poo grandparent. my son said he doesn't feel much about him dying, because he had no emotional connection, which is disappointing considering my kids go to my parents after school each day. he just sits and watches youtube with headphones on, or criticises their hair cuts, or gets grumpy over where they've left their shoes etc, or asks fukin weird questions that they don't know how to respond to.

he was kinda ok when we were young. supported our hobbies. he was awful with money, but that meant I had an amiga lol
but he was quite focused on his own life. fishing and motorcycling came first. if he had spare time, he'd primarily prioritise those things. in fact his only parenting advice to me was to make sure to find a hobby to get myself out of the house


It's hard to know if I will miss him. I suppose I will, and its up to me after he passes to choose what memories to focus on. I've spoken of this day many times, because I am so tired of the negativity he brings into every room he goes near. I think my mum will miss him, well, she'll miss the company of another human. she's an extremely loving person, and I thank her rather than my father for all my best attributes


anyway. don't mind all the ramble, I hardly expect anyone to read or care, but it's good to put down how I feel I guess

fart simpson posted:

im sorry echi

Jonny 290 posted:

hey echinopsis buddy, how are you doing today. just checking in

Stringent posted:

echinopsis posted:

feel guilty because works been scrambling to cover me for bereavement leave when I could kind of just do it.

echinopsis posted:

feel guilty as because feel like I should care more, or should be more sad or distraught, and feel guilty because works been scrambling to cover me for bereavement leave when I could kind of just do it. just don’t feel good about anything. maybe that’s to be expected.

Sweevo posted:

grief is a personal thing and everyone deals with it differently. don't let anyone else tell you you're doing it wrong, and don't feel bad about felling bad or not.

Sweevo posted:

grief is a personal thing and everyone deals with it differently. don't let anyone else tell you you're doing it wrong, and don't feel bad about felling bad or not.

Sweevo posted:

grief is a personal thing and everyone deals with it differently. don't let anyone else tell you you're doing it wrong, and don't feel bad about felling bad or not.

rotor posted: