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Asymmetric POSTer
Aug 17, 2005

lol if you listen in meetings

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Shaggar
Apr 26, 2006

rotor posted:

I have found the rush to table anything that isn't "FEATURE A, NO BLOCKERS! NEXT!" can be taken too far. Sometimes people take a minute or two to get around to mentioning things that affect more people. There's a nice midrange where people have more than a minute - I was at one place that literally handed off a little 1 minute hourglass egg timer thing and if you ran out of time you had to stop talking and give it to the next guy - and just letting some guy drone on endlessly about his adventures with xml validation.

i've found that if the stories in the sprint are well defined the scrum naturally moves quickly cause everyone knows what needs to happen so questions and blockers are easy to articulate. if your stories are poo poo people will drag out the scrum asking questions and then the people who read "scrum should be quick" dont know what to do other than try to get people to stop talking about it and move on. That leads to the story not getting fixed which means in the next scrum the same issues come up.

If someone is talking about their weekend or whatever then sure, cut them off, but if the story sucks and people are trying to figure it out then thats a blocker and you need to discuss it.

post hole digger
Mar 21, 2011

guy with his camera on who is clearly not paying any attention at all.

Shaggar
Apr 26, 2006
guy with his camera off who is clearly not paying any attention at all. (its me)

AnimeIsTrash
Jun 30, 2018

akadajet posted:

oh boy the few times I've had to fill in running standup everyone always tells me "oh wow, that was fast and painless". The secret is to tell people to "table it" the instant they go off topic.

It's much better on my newer team but on my old team we used to have guys who loved to hold how smart they were over you. Our SM was way too passive aggressive to tell them to shut up.

Saying your status, and talking in more detail about stuff later is such a simple concept but it's incredibly hard for certain types of people to understand.

AnimeIsTrash fucked around with this message at 23:42 on Nov 17, 2022

inset
Sep 20, 2003

Grimey Drawer
guy who fiddles with a marker and constantly drops it on the table/floor

Armitag3
Mar 15, 2020

Forget it Jake, it's cybertown.


The worst case of standup was at old job where the lead actually took pen and paper notes of what everyone did and will do like he was taking in homework

Modulo16
Feb 12, 2014

"Authorities say the phony Pope can be recognized by his high-top sneakers and incredibly foul mouth."

Guy who says maybe 5 words in the meeting. Is the SME for AWS/Azure/GCP/etc. Will absolutely drop right at the scheduled time the meeting ends.

PIZZA.BAT
Nov 12, 2016


:cheers:


Modulo16 posted:

Guy who says maybe 5 words in the meeting. Is the SME for AWS/Azure/GCP/etc. Will absolutely drop right at the scheduled time the meeting ends.

it’s me

giogadi
Oct 27, 2009

person who ends every question by literally saying “…question mark?”. an interview candidate did this today

teen phone cutie
Jun 18, 2012

last year i rewrote something awful from scratch because i hate myself
guy who really needs to defend their points in pointing meetings

Captain Foo
May 11, 2004

we vibin'
we slidin'
we breathin'
we dyin'

giogadi posted:

person who ends every question by literally saying “…question mark?”. an interview candidate did this today

:pwn:

PokeJoe
Aug 24, 2004

hail cgatan


Guy who always asks if you're sure your estimate couldn't be faster

rotor
Jun 11, 2001

classic case of pineapple derangement syndrome

PokeJoe posted:

Guy who always asks if you're sure your estimate couldn't be faster

this fuckin guy

Achmed Jones
Oct 16, 2004



Armitag3 posted:

Because them im listening to people ramble forever and i can’t think of anything more infuriating

if you’re listening that’s on you

Modulo16
Feb 12, 2014

"Authorities say the phony Pope can be recognized by his high-top sneakers and incredibly foul mouth."


me too. that’s why I posted it.

another one:

Guy who literally takes what you just told him and rephrased it as a question.

Achmed Jones
Oct 16, 2004



what about the guy who asks a question you _just answered_?

psiox
Oct 15, 2001

Babylon 5 Street Team

Achmed Jones posted:

what about the guy who asks a question you _just answered_?

they're probably a founder so you gotta be tactful

PIZZA.BAT
Nov 12, 2016


:cheers:


PokeJoe posted:

Guy who always asks if you're sure your estimate couldn't be faster

why do i read this thread. why am i subjecting myself to this psychic damage

AnimeIsTrash
Jun 30, 2018

PokeJoe posted:

Guy who always asks if you're sure your estimate couldn't be faster

Didn't realize we had a manager joining the meeting.

ADINSX
Sep 9, 2003

Wanna run with my crew huh? Rule cyberspace and crunch numbers like I do?

PokeJoe posted:

Guy who always asks if you're sure your estimate couldn't be faster

the "every leader at amazon" guy

carry on then
Jul 10, 2010

by VideoGames

(and can't post for 10 years!)

that one dev whose only monitor is a 50" ultrawide and who refuses to share anything but their entire screen at any time

ADINSX
Sep 9, 2003

Wanna run with my crew huh? Rule cyberspace and crunch numbers like I do?

carry on then posted:

that one dev whose only monitor is a 50" ultrawide and who refuses to share anything but their entire screen at any time

Gigachad developer vs virgin coworker code review reply guy

Best Bi Geek Squid
Mar 25, 2016
peep who shares their screen the wrong way, producing an infinite cascade of the shared meeting

Progressive JPEG
Feb 19, 2003

always talking about how things were done at their last job

up to six months is normal but it's been like three years

carry on then
Jul 10, 2010

by VideoGames

(and can't post for 10 years!)

ADINSX posted:

Gigachad developer vs virgin coworker code review reply guy

my 4k monitors are easily enough to contain it but 30 seconds in to every time he shares someone has to ask him to make fonts bigger or something

rotor
Jun 11, 2001

classic case of pineapple derangement syndrome

carry on then posted:

my 4k monitors are easily enough to contain it but 30 seconds in to every time he shares someone has to ask him to make fonts bigger or something

its me, i'm the old guy telling people I can't read their 6 point fonts

my homie dhall
Dec 9, 2010

honey, oh please, it's just a machine

Progressive JPEG posted:

always talking about how things were done at their last job

up to six months is normal but it's been like three years

lol i’m going to kill my new boss

love it when they namedrop the place too wirh the implication you’re supposed to be impressed by “uber”

~Coxy
Dec 9, 2003

R.I.P. Inter-OS Sass - b.2000AD d.2003AD

carry on then posted:

that one dev whose only monitor is a 50" ultrawide and who refuses to share anything but their entire screen at any time

the person who has a Mac and always shares the full screen rather than presents the powerpoint so you can see that he has a Mac

outhole surfer
Mar 18, 2003

~Coxy posted:

the person who has a Mac

i mean, you could have stopped there to avoid repeating yourself

Feisty-Cadaver
Jun 1, 2000
The worms crawl in,
The worms crawl out.

rotor posted:

its me, i'm the old guy telling people I can't read their 6 point fonts

i worked with a guy in old job who had macular degeneration and he was running a huge (at the time) monitor at 640x480 just so he could read the text on his AS400 terminal session.

he also named all his variables in his programs A...Z with no indication for wtf they were for.

godspeed Ted, you were quietly the funniest loving person at that job.

git apologist
Jun 4, 2003

Captain Foo posted:

anyone who uses more business-speak than me is a mindless corporate drone and anyone who uses less just isn’t operating in a professional manner

carry on then
Jul 10, 2010

by VideoGames

(and can't post for 10 years!)

~Coxy posted:

the person who has a Mac and always shares the full screen rather than presents the powerpoint so you can see that he has a Mac

the person who runs RHEL so it's a coin flip of whether screen sharing will actually work this time

mailorder bees
Nov 4, 2011

FLUFFERNUTTER

Captain Foo posted:

anyone who uses more business-speak than me is a mindless corporate drone and anyone who uses less just isn’t operating in a professional manner

cheque_some
Dec 6, 2006
The Wizard of Menlo Park
the guy that asks "Anything else?" when you give your standup update

Sagebrush
Feb 26, 2012

Feisty-Cadaver posted:

i worked with a guy in old job who had macular degeneration and he was running a huge (at the time) monitor at 640x480 just so he could read the text on his AS400 terminal session.

he also named all his variables in his programs A...Z with no indication for wtf they were for.

godspeed Ted, you were quietly the funniest loving person at that job.

It was either in here or in the shsc terrible coworkers thread that I read about the guy who was naming all his variables after the women in the office

ADINSX
Sep 9, 2003

Wanna run with my crew huh? Rule cyberspace and crunch numbers like I do?

cheque_some posted:

the guy that asks "Anything else?" when you give your standup update

I’m just trying to be polite I don’t want to cut anyone off :(

mailorder bees
Nov 4, 2011

FLUFFERNUTTER
hello? sorry i was on mute

rotor
Jun 11, 2001

classic case of pineapple derangement syndrome
i worked with a german guy who would use descriptive but abbreviated names but they were all in german.

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Dans Macabre
Apr 24, 2004


ally oop type

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