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Smik
Mar 18, 2014

It's Story Time!

Let's tell a story. All you have to do is post, and you will be added to the story in some form.

It all starts in a faraway land of...

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You Are A Werewolf
Apr 26, 2010

Black Gold!

I like stories, OP :)

AKZ
Nov 5, 2009

What mystery awaits this thread?

Leper Go-getter
Nov 7, 2010
I'm frantically looking around for a robe and wizard hat !

Smik
Mar 18, 2014

... in the far away land of Youaraelf, pronounced "You Are A Elf", which was a very strange place indeed. Even though nobody was an elf, everyone in Youaraelf wore false pointed ears. Youaraelf's main exports were shoes and cookies, which was also odd because the average height and weight in Youaraelf was 8 ft, 300 lbs and their very large hands would have been better suited for mighty tasks, but that's just the way things are sometimes.

In this faraway land of Youaraelf there was the wise King AKZ Of Corned Beef, and the equally wise Queen Leper Go-Getter, author of the award winning erotic book of cave diving, "The Bends Over".

They were wise and the nation was mighty and all would be well except for a certain dark nation ruled by the far more nefarious King...

Only registered members can see post attachments!

Wifi Toilet
Oct 1, 2004

Toilet Rascal
I like Corned Beef

Lady Jaybird
Jan 23, 2014

to ride eternal, shiny and chrome

THUNDERDOME LOSER 2022



I summon a fart!

EorayMel
May 30, 2015

WE GET IT. YOU LOVE GUN JESUS. Toujours des fusils Bullpup Français.

Funky See Funky Do
Aug 20, 2013
STILL TRYING HARD
Realise "Wait a minute, we're not elves or friggin' cat demons or whatever the hell fruity poo poo that was. We're just a couple of regular work-a-day guys with normal ears. We love our beer, our trucks, and our wives - in that order."

Treecko
Apr 23, 2008

The Official Demon Girl
Boss of 2022!
I don't like how the one on the right wants to eat his comrades crown

I'm a tiny gecko making bad choices every time the phone auto rotates

Sophy Wackles
Dec 17, 2000

> access main security grid
access: PERMISSION DENIED.





I hope i’m the villain with the heart of gold!

WAR CRIME GIGOLO
Oct 3, 2012

The Hague
tryna get me
for these glutes

Open the door

Secks Cauldron
Aug 26, 2006

I thought they closed that place down!
Who is the nefarious King?? :ohdear:

By popular demand
Jul 17, 2007

IT *BZZT* WASP ME--
IT WASP ME ALL *BZZT* ALONG!


Is that the dreaded tyrant King Badperson of Intolerance-on-Sea?!

Smik
Mar 18, 2014

That king was the mighty Wifi Toilet, whose tyrannical rule over the flatulent dark kingdom of Dervinosdoom forced every citizen to endure wi-fi enabled toilets, whose purpose would not be understood until the invention of wi-fi devices several centuries from now. Worse, the wi-fi was slow. Despite his terrible rule, there was no one in the kingdom of Dervinosdoom strong enough to oppose him, and many spent their days huffing their own farts.


Dark King Wifi Toilet

One dark day, the dark King Wifi Toilet summoned to his throne room his most trusted Dragoon, the strangely charismatic EorayMel, who was both a feared hangman and motherfucker.


Dragoon EorayMel

The Dark King Wifi Toilet said to his trusted Dragoon: "You are aware of the fair kingdom of Youaraelf, far to the West?"

"Of course," murmured the Dragoon EorayMel, "It's that stupid kingdom that spends all their time making shoes that do not fit them, and cookies too small for them to eat, because they are idiots who think they are elves?"

"Excellent," sneered the king, "I want you to take your men and travel to Youaraelf, sneak into the castle, and kidnap their precious Princess Funky See Funky Do!"

"It will be done my liege," assured the Dragoon, "For no one can resist my incredible charm!"



The Precious Princess Funky See Funky Do

That night, the Dragoon disguised himself as a dainty chambermaid, which was a believable story considering the average Youaraelf chambermaid was a good foot taller than he was. There, he heard Princess Funky See Funky Do lecturing her lady in waiting about what she perceived as foolishness by the kingdom.

"Don't you see?" sighed the exasperated princess, "We're not elves, we're nothing of the sort! These are just pointed ears we wear, we love our beer, trucks and wives -- in that order!"

Her lady in waiting, Lady Treecko shrugged helplessly for she was just a tiny gecko who made bad choices whenever a phone rotated. Fortunately for her, the rotary phone would not arrive for centuries, so she only had to deal with being a tiny gecko. Unfortunately for her, the vile Dragoon EorayMel had come prepared with his prototype smart-phone of Gecko Confusion. He rotated it and poor Treecko was under its spell.

"Hello, I am a regular chambermaid but I know what you say is true, Princess Funky See Funky Do! Look how my ears come off! Let us away for beer and trucks and wives, in that order and away from this foolish Kingdom!"


Lady in Waiting, Treecko

"He sounds like a smart chamber maid with good advice," agreed poor confused Treecko, "You should totally go with him,"

And thus the nefarious Dragoon kidnapped the princess!

When the King realized what had happened, he made a call out for the Four Great Heroes of Youaraelf!


Sophy Wackles
The Brilliant Gold Knight of Literal Gold! While there were stronger and smarter knights, none had the resources available to Sophy. Sophy was not native to Youaraelf and thus did not wear elf ears.


WAR CRIME GIGOLO
The mighty Rogue of Opening! There was no lock Gigolo couldn't "pick" and by "pick" I mean "rip the thing apart" as Gigolo was a nine foot tall gorilla in the shape of a person wearing elf ears.


Secks Cauldron
The wise wizard! Versed in the dark arts of anime and the relatively normal arts of sorcery.


Bypopular Demand
The bard so charismatic nobody has clued in that she's a giant wasp yet.


As the four heroes arrived, the King and Queen tearfully explained what had happened. They knew that a perilous journey awaited them as they chased the vile Dragoon to the far off kingdom to the east...

Wifi Toilet
Oct 1, 2004

Toilet Rascal
More like the Four Great Zeroes of Youaraelf! They'll never get the princess back!

Turrurrurrurrrrrrr
Dec 22, 2018

I hope this is "battle" enough for you, friend.

And everyone lived happily ever after.

The End.

Lil Swamp Booger Baby
Aug 1, 1981

I have inside me blood of homos

By popular demand
Jul 17, 2007

IT *BZZT* WASP ME--
IT WASP ME ALL *BZZT* ALONG!


Smik posted:


Bypopular Demand
The bard so charismatic nobody has clued in that she's a giant wasp yet.

These alternate multiverse comics are all the rage nowadays, I'm expecting a lucrative offer from Marvel!

By popular demand
Jul 17, 2007

IT *BZZT* WASP ME--
IT WASP ME ALL *BZZT* ALONG!


Lil Swamp Booger Baby posted:

I have inside me blood of homos

The Chosen One! You've returned to us as the prophesy foretold!

Smik
Mar 18, 2014

... first, they would have to travel the great, oddly erotic plains of Turrurrurrurrrrrrr full of wild plains Bison! Many a foolish traveller had lost themselves in the plains, chasing the Bison in search of happy endings.


A great Bison from plains of Turrurrurrurrrrrrr


Then, once past the plains they would need to find their way through the puzzling Lil Swamp Booger Baby forest, named for its population of Lil Swampies (a strange fat race of miniature cow-like people) and vicious Booger Babies. Only great those with cunning or the blood of homosexuality could hope to find their way through.


Puzzling Lil Swamp Booger Baby forest

That was only the start of the journey however! Past the forest was ...

titties
May 10, 2012

They're like two suicide notes stuffed into a glitter bra

Goku

Leper Go-getter
Nov 7, 2010
Well whats the queen up to, just suffering hysteria? Or will she slip out secretely and search for answers (yes)

Nigmaetcetera
Nov 17, 2004

borkborkborkmorkmorkmork-gabbalooins
Ok as long as you draw me as an anthropomorphic elephant, NOT SEXY

.random
May 7, 2007

Is it too late to get in on the ground floor here? I feel like I have an important recurring role to play in this story as lighthearted comic relief in the darkest of moments. I just need a good catchphrase :(

Treecko
Apr 23, 2008

The Official Demon Girl
Boss of 2022!
Roll a d6 to see if I snap out of confusion, if so, as a gecko I'll eat the wasp

free hubcaps
Oct 12, 2009

And I was there too!!

Orange Cat
Feb 26, 2013
I drive the last of the red hot v8 interceptors.

Smik
Mar 18, 2014

... past the forest were the Hills of Titties!


The Hills of Titties

The hills were known for their great peaks and for their screaming mountain men, the Gokus. Only the most resourceful of adventurers could hope to pass them.

Beyond the hills were the dread sucking Swamps of Nigmaetcetera.


The Dread Swamps of Swamps of Nigmaetcetera

Only the mighty would be able to struggle through the stinking swamps, filled with terrible elephant-people.

Once past the swamps, there were only the oddly comical Dark Plains of .random. Only the pure of heart or those with a great catch phrase would be able to persevere across this ground, and from there, the flatulent Kingdom of Dervinosdoom!


The Dark Plains of .random

Leper Go-getter posted:

Well whats the queen up to, just suffering hysteria? Or will she slip out secretely and search for answers (yes)

The Queen is spending quality time with her daughter and not the double they use to confuse would-be kidnappers. Ssssh, it's a twist!

Knowing their path would be perilous, the Four Heroes made their way from the castle and towards the erotic plains of Turrurrurrurrrrrrr and their first challenge!

istewart
Apr 13, 2005

Still contemplating why I didn't register here under a clever pseudonym

I sincerely hope that Story Time does not take a strange left turn into the British trucking industry, and thus become Lorry Time

By popular demand
Jul 17, 2007

IT *BZZT* WASP ME--
IT WASP ME ALL *BZZT* ALONG!


British storytelling yousay? all I learned is to never open a trapdoor, you don't know what's down there.

Dumb Sex-Parrot
Dec 25, 2020
Sounds like they need the help of a local sage to steer (hah) clear of the sexy bisons.

Fatkraken
Jun 23, 2005

Fun-time is over.
gently caress it, I rarely get in on these threads early enough to take part before the OP burns out and the thread closes, but it looks like I have a chance!

Rock Paper Tongue
Oct 24, 2016

May cause birth defects

Loving the raw sexual energy coming off of that plains Bison

Smik
Mar 18, 2014

Treecko posted:

Roll a d6 to see if I snap out of confusion, if so, as a gecko I'll eat the wasp

I rolled a '4'. Let me check my table to see what kind of result that gives...


Sophy Wackles: Lady Demand, forgive my lack of discretion but what is going on with your backside?
Bypopular Demand: It appears to be a small gecko in a dress. It is chewing somewhat.
Sophy Wackles: Shall I remove it?
Bypopular Demand: No.


Our heroes leave the safety of the kingdom of Youaraelf and cross over into the great and oddly erotic plains of Turrurrurrurrrrrrr! After a day's travel and nutritionally questionable rations (cookies) the group makes camp. They watch the herds of sexy Bison pass by.

WAR CRIME GIGOLO: Are sexy Bison edible?
Secks Cauldron: Yes, but they're also into vore and it makes everything just so awkward.

As the last rays of sunlight begin to fade, the heroes see a ship approach!

Well, not a proper ship. It's really the size of a dinghy but made up to look like a frigate ship, and it's probably not seaworthy given that it's got wheels and is being pulled by a group of sexy bison.

Secks Cauldron: By the gods! It's a band of Plains Pirates, the Free Hubcaps!!



A band of plains pirates, the Free Hubcaps, approach!


Captain Hubcaps: Yaaaar har har har! Well ye scabies-infested millenials, stand and deliver or ye'll be hav'n avocado toast and be eatin' backside eatin' before we keel-haul ye!
Bypopular Demand: My backside is already being eaten.
Captain Hubcaps: No eedjit, ye'll be eatin' backside, not the other way 'round!
Bypopular Demand: Jealous?
Captain Hubcaps: Shut up! Have at ye!

The pirates attack! The heroes are outnumbered and distracted by their team of sexy Bison. They fight valiantly, but it's the odds are against them and clearly a cunning plan is needed before all is lost! Then just as Sophy Wackles begins to fall to the pirates, Secks Cauldron utilizes the dark power of anime!

Secks Cauldron: CURSE OF UGUU!!



: ... God. Dammit.

The Plains Pirates flee, but not before stealing one of Sophy Wackles' golden asscheeks!

WAR CRIME GIGOLO: Ye gods Sophy, are you all right?
Sophy Wackles: Tis but a scratch, I may be half-assed but I'll manage. Come, let us resume camp. We still have a long journey ahead of us.


Meanwhile... (to be continued later)

Scrotum Modem
Sep 12, 2014

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_P1PUIHCr7E

the holy poopacy
May 16, 2009

hey! check this out
Fun Shoe

Fatkraken posted:

gently caress it, I rarely get in on these threads early enough to take part before the OP burns out and the thread closes, but it looks like I have a chance!

bad news buddy, you whiffed it

Smik posted:

Meanwhile... (to be continued later)

Bloodfart McCoy
Jul 20, 2007

That's a high quality avatar right there.

dervinosdoom posted:

I summon a fart!

You rang!

By popular demand
Jul 17, 2007

IT *BZZT* WASP ME--
IT WASP ME ALL *BZZT* ALONG!


And my day is starting on a good note.

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Treecko
Apr 23, 2008

The Official Demon Girl
Boss of 2022!
I'm not going to let go of that wasp butt I'm stuck there for the rest of the plot line

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