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Pooned
Dec 28, 2005

Eye contact counters everything


I love how George describes Kramers life: "Kramer goes to a fantasy camp. His whole life is a fantasy camp. People should plunk down two thousand dollars to live like him for a week. Do nothing, fall rear end-backwards into money, mooch food off your neighbours, and have sex without dating. That's a fantasy camp"

I can't not read that and hear Georges voice, and It's awesome! Probably the two best characters in TV history.

Oh a new page. Here have some more Kramer!

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Jerusalem
May 20, 2004

Would you be my new best friends?


"He disgusts me! And yet.... I can't look away."

I also love his story about being a sailor for a few years.

"It was a big ship!"

Yanni Estacado
May 2, 2007

by T. Mascis




hahahahaha you can buy a shirt with this image on it

hope and vaseline
Feb 13, 2001



wa27 posted:



Thank you, this is my favorite moment in this show!

wa27
Jan 14, 2007



Cane Break posted:



hahahahaha you can buy a shirt with this image on it
I have this shirt for some reason. I wore it sometimes in high school but then Michael Richards had his racist rant and I don't think I've put it on since. I suppose enough time has passed to make it ok to wear again (once you look past its tackiness).

regulargonzalez
Aug 18, 2006
UNGH LET ME LICK THOSE BOOTS DADDY HULU YES YES GIVE ME ALL THE CORPORATE CUMMIES ADBLOCK USERS DESERVE THE DEATH PENALTY, DON'T THEY DADDY?
WHEN THE RICH GET RICHER I GET HORNIER


wa27 posted:

I have this shirt for some reason. I wore it sometimes in high school but then Michael Richards had his racist rant and I don't think I've put it on since. I suppose enough time has passed to make it ok to wear again (once you look past its tackiness).

I think Cane Break meant you can buy a shirt that has Kenny Kramer wearing a Kramer shirt on it

Bloody Hedgehog
Dec 12, 2003

Gotta nuke something


Now we just need a t-shirt of Kramer wearing a shirt of Kenny Kramer wearing a shirt of Kramer, with the main Kramer being confronted by Leon in his Farrakhan getup.

I loved the Seinfeld stuff in the last season of Curb.

mojo1701a
Oct 8, 2008

Oh, yeah. Loud and clear. Emphasis on LOUD!
~ David Lee Roth



My brother's going to audition for a play in a little over a month, and he has to present a contemporary monologue (less than 2 minutes), and I'm trying to convince him to pick something from Seinfeld. I know the show has mostly dialogue, so I was wondering if there was anything approaching a good monologue in the show.

My own memory fails me.

Monsignor Martinez
Feb 11, 2010

by Peatpot


How do you forget the Whale & the Marine Biologist?

Monsignor Martinez fucked around with this message at 03:48 on Jul 15, 2010

Hipster_Doofus
Dec 20, 2003

Lovin' every minute of it.

mojo1701a posted:

My brother's going to audition for a play in a little over a month, and he has to present a contemporary monologue (less than 2 minutes), and I'm trying to convince him to pick something from Seinfeld. I know the show has mostly dialogue, so I was wondering if there was anything approaching a good monologue in the show.

My own memory fails me.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YA2HKoAnM7I

mojo1701a
Oct 8, 2008

Oh, yeah. Loud and clear. Emphasis on LOUD!
~ David Lee Roth



Monsignor Martinez posted:

How do you forget the Whale & the Marine Biologist?

I considered it, but I thought that the punchline relies on Kramer's "what is that, a titleist?" along with Jerry's "mammal" comment.

LesterGroans
Jun 9, 2009

It's funny...

You were so scary at night.


Kramer: C'mon Frank, I need you. I mean the war was fifty years ago.

Frank: In my mind, there's a war still going on.

Kramer: Alright, what happened, Frank? What is it that you can't get over?

Frank pours a shot of whiskey and drinks it.

Frank: Inchon, Korea, 1950. I was the best cook Uncle Sam ever saw, slinging
hash for the Fighting 103rd. As we marched north, our supply lines were getting
thin. One day a couple of GIs found a crate, inside were six hundred pounds of
prime Texas steer. At least it once was prime. The Use date was three weeks
past, but I was arrogant, I was brash, I thought if I used just the right
spices, cooked it long enough...

Kramer: What happened?

Frank: I went too far. I over seasoned it. Men were keeling over all around
me. I can still hear the retching, the screaming. I sent sixteen of my own men
to the latrines that night. They were just boys.

Kramer: Frank, you were a boy too. And it was war. It was a crazy time for
everyone.

Frank: Tell that to Bobby Colby. All that kid wanted to do was go home. Well
he went home alright, with a crater in his colon the size of a cutlet. Had to
sit him on a cork the eighteen-hour flight home!

Kramer: Frank, now listen to me. Two hundred Jewish singles need you. This is
your chance to make it all right again.

Frank: No. No, I'll never cook again! Never! Now get out of my house!! Get
out. Go.


You could cut out most of the Kramer lines.

Jerusalem
May 20, 2004

Would you be my new best friends?


mojo1701a posted:

My brother's going to audition for a play in a little over a month, and he has to present a contemporary monologue (less than 2 minutes), and I'm trying to convince him to pick something from Seinfeld. I know the show has mostly dialogue, so I was wondering if there was anything approaching a good monologue in the show.

My own memory fails me.

Have him do the scene where Mickey has to do a scene relying on Kramer to come in and sit down.

Monsignor Martinez
Feb 11, 2010

by Peatpot


mojo1701a posted:

I considered it, but I thought that the punchline relies on Kramer's "what is that, a titleist?" along with Jerry's "mammal" comment.
I'm pretty sure most auditions allow for call and answer beats, otherwise you'd be severely restricted in terms of well known passages that aren't in classic literature.

wa27
Jan 14, 2007



The Mr. Bookman monologue was the best one:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_zePQavforA&feature=player_embedded

Alternatively: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I9W-smdTVjA

BlackJosh
Sep 25, 2007


wa27 posted:

The Mr. Bookman monologue was the best one:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_zePQavforA&feature=player_embedded

"Well I got a flash for you, joy boy"

Karl Rove
Feb 26, 2006

Oh man, the Elders are really lovely guys. Their astral projection seminars are literally off the fucking planet, and highly recommended.

"I know you're up there, laughing at me! Laughing! Laughing and lying and laughing!"

Konec Hry
Jul 13, 2005

too much love will kill you



Grimey Drawer

mojo1701a posted:

My brother's going to audition for a play in a little over a month, and he has to present a contemporary monologue (less than 2 minutes), and I'm trying to convince him to pick something from Seinfeld. I know the show has mostly dialogue, so I was wondering if there was anything approaching a good monologue in the show.

My own memory fails me.

What about the severed finger / Kramer driving the bus?

Aatrek
Jul 19, 2004

by Fistgrrl



The med student here is Daniel Dae Kim (Jin from Lost).

greatn
Nov 15, 2006

by Lowtax


Konec Hry posted:

What about the severed finger / Kramer driving the bus?

Or George's rant on how much Jerry's jacket must have cost.

Ishamael
Feb 18, 2004

You don't have to love me, but you will respect me.

Konec Hry posted:

What about the severed finger / Kramer driving the bus?

Yeah, Kramer driving the bus would be my choice as well.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AeooRXYmOu8

Stuntman Mike
Apr 14, 2007
The saucer people are coming!

People kept ringing the bell!

Dr_Amazing
Apr 15, 2006

It's a long story

Or Jerry's story about the big race.

imac1984
May 3, 2004



Aatrek posted:

The med student here is Daniel Dae Kim (Jin from Lost).



I'm watching lost now (middle of season 3 so far) and that just blew my mind

clockworx
Oct 15, 2005
The Internet Whore made me buy this account

I nominate "Kramer figuring out George's code":

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YY03ymgskNI&NR=1

"And only the purest system nectar can satisfy you!"

haljordan
Oct 22, 2004

the corpse of god is love.


College Slice

How about his speech on Little Jerry?

"Yah, yah! You see in Little Jerry Seinfeld the unlimited future you once had. Now, just because Jerry Seinfeld is a has-been, don't make Little Jerry Seinfeld a never-was!"

ChairMaster
Aug 22, 2009

by R. Guyovich


These are all good nominations but i don't think any of them top the first one, George's encounter with the whale. I'm sure it would be okay to have a couple of non-george lines there as well.

Jack Bandit
Feb 6, 2005
Shit, I'm a free man and I haven't had a conjugal visit in six months

William Pahllace posted:

^^^^ Woah, real Kramer sounds loving rad.

I like how they talk about him in the interviews, like when LD went to him and asked if he could write him into the show.
The whole real life mythos surrounding the beginnings of this show are just so incredibly meta. Jerry essentially playing himself, Michael Richards playing a real life guy that most likely did most of the things that appeared on the show (that in itself is ), and Jason Alexander playing living the embodiment of Larry David.

It's breaking the 4th wall by even existing.

I was thinking about this the other day. I couldn't get over how much the newest season of Curb reminded me of Synecdoche, New York.

McSpanky
Jan 16, 2005







Pooned posted:

Oh a new page. Here have some more Kramer!



My barber has a framed print of this on his wall. As in, this entire image, with frame, is printed and itself placed in a normal frame.

William Pahllace
Dec 22, 2009

Look, buddy. I know a lot about the law and various other lawyerings.


McSpanky posted:

My barber has a framed print of this on his wall. As in, this entire image, with frame, is printed and itself placed in a normal frame.

Does he specialize in a haircut at his shop called "The Kramer"?

Ishamael
Feb 18, 2004

You don't have to love me, but you will respect me.

McSpanky posted:

My barber has a framed print of this on his wall. As in, this entire image, with frame, is printed and itself placed in a normal frame.

Oddly enough, Michael Richards hates that painting.


Well, he also hates minorities, so take his opinion for what it is worth.

Monsignor Martinez
Feb 11, 2010

by Peatpot


Ishamael posted:

Well, he also hates minorities, so take his opinion for what it is worth.
No, he hates the guy who wouldn't shut up during his lackluster standup set.

Stuntman Mike
Apr 14, 2007
The saucer people are coming!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ktZde2tEK1Y

BlackJosh
Sep 25, 2007



God drat, this scene is awesome. Curb Your Enthusiasm is so good.

Monsignor Martinez
Feb 11, 2010

by Peatpot


This was such a fantastic way to address the quagmire. The hints of anguished truth within the comedy are masterful.

Chexoid
Nov 5, 2009

Now that I have this dating robot I can take it easy.


William Pahllace posted:

Does he specialize in a haircut at his shop called "The Kramer"?

Every time you go there, you come out looking like you're five years old.

Zo
Feb 22, 2005

LIKE A FOX


I posted in the wrong thread!

Zo fucked around with this message at 18:51 on Jul 15, 2010

explosivo
May 23, 2004

Fueled by Satan

TMMadman posted:

According to IMDb, it is indeed Kyle Gass.

Holy poo poo I can't believe I never noticed that before.

TMMadman
Sep 9, 2003

Bat 'em up!




Haha, I never really noticed that Jerry, George and Elaine all throw like 4 bucks a piece for a tip to the black waitress when they are talking about Elaine's boyfriend being black.

I also love that when they find out they are both white, Elaine asks 'Wanna go to the Gap?'

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haljordan
Oct 22, 2004

the corpse of god is love.


College Slice

"Kramer, you can't live down here. This is where people come to die!"

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