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Cliff posted:Also TJ's Gingermints and TJ's Lemon & Ginger Sparkling Water. My parents did that too. It loving sucks. My in-laws helped out a bit, but then they all got old and frail. It made things a lot harder and put a lot of strain on my relationship with my parents, especially because they did end up helping my sister out in that way. So yeah i feel for you, Internet Stranger. It'll work out okay for you in the end, I know because it wound up working out for us.
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Jun 18, 2024 11:09
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thunderdome winner
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On the flipside, it's good that they told you now, and not 1 week into doing a half-rear end job of caring for your child. Talk is cheap, actions speak louder than words. It sucks that they aren't willing to help, but there was no permanent damage done. Feel free to vent here, we've all ben through our share of poo poo. You only lost a few weeks of setup time, so hopefully you can make it work.
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Jun 18, 2024 14:14
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Thanks all true, thanks for listening and giving some perspective. I'm sure we'll make it work, I'm setting up some daycare tours now.
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Jun 18, 2024 14:53
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Looks to the Moon posted:Ooof, I feel for your wife Seconding the Unisom (doxylamine). Unisom in conjunction with B6 seems to work for a lot of people. B6 actually made my nausea worse this time around, so I'm only taking Unisom. As others have mentioned, ginger also helps. I like Chimes ginger chews, but it's only temporary relief. Once the ginger chew is gone, the nausea comes back. Also, the doctor may have something to help with nausea.
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Jun 20, 2024 09:44
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My partner is 6 weeks pregnant, we had sex for the first time since week 3 after I was away on a trip and she immediately got some vaginal pain so we stopped and there was a big PV bleed, about 100-200ml of bright red blood, no clots of structures in it. Naturally we freaked and I took her to the hospital. All scans, bloods and tests indicated there was no problem with the baby even though we know its too early to actually know but man that was terrifying. She's had no issue since and we had gentle sex twice since after taking a few days break with no pain or bleeding. We're still scared, but none the wiser as to where the bleeding came from. The only thing we can think of is that the 3 weeks without seeing each other and the area becoming more vascular caused a little build up of tissue or whatever and the sex dislodged it or there was something like a polyp that was disrupted. Posting just for reassurance for myself but also would appreciate any insights.
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Jul 6, 2024 07:45
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We had a similar bleeding incident at around the same time iirc; not due to sex, just spontaneous though. I forget exactly what the reason turned out to be; I think it had something to do with a blood vessel but long story short, we now have a happy healthy almost 8 month old boy, the doctor assured us that that’s just a thing that can happen during early pregnancy, not necessarily a sign that you have anything to worry about. Easier said than done of course, it’s impossible not to worry, but you’ll come through it!
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Jul 6, 2024 21:08
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Ainsley McTree posted:We had a similar bleeding incident at around the same time iirc; not due to sex, just spontaneous though. I forget exactly what the reason turned out to be; I think it had something to do with a blood vessel but long story short, we now have a happy healthy almost 8 month old boy, the doctor assured us that that’s just a thing that can happen during early pregnancy, not necessarily a sign that you have anything to worry about. We also had a bleeding incident around week 6, and our daughter is 2 now. Still no idea what caused that.
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Jul 7, 2024 01:38
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I had something like that around week 7 of pregnancy. My obgyn shrugged and said that, while she had no idea what happened, everything looked fine; she was right! Kid just turned 2 this week.
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Jul 7, 2024 04:13
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19 weeks going on 20 checking in! First timer, I felt pretty confident that I'd get pregnant easily but didn't think I'd manage it on the first cycle of trying. It's been pretty uneventful so far except we're having a hell of a time trying to figure out a name. Thus far he's going by Kirby Jr. after our cat Kirby. Or sometimes Jabroni Jr when I'm unhappy about not getting to have sushi, Italian subs, or fancy cocktails
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Jul 7, 2024 21:09
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Hi everyone! I'm looking for present ideas for my pregnant nanny. I'm getting her some baby books and clothes but also want to get something for HER, not just the baby. What is something that you loved having during pregnancy that people might not necessarily think of? I know she already has a pregnancy pillow. TIA
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Jul 15, 2024 09:11
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boquiabierta posted:Hi everyone! I'm looking for present ideas for my pregnant nanny. I'm getting her some baby books and clothes but also want to get something for HER, not just the baby. What is something that you loved having during pregnancy that people might not necessarily think of? I know she already has a pregnancy pillow. TIA I'm coming up empty on anything during pregnancy but if she's planning to breastfeed: a big insulated water cup, like one of those Stanley cups with the built-in straws. My wife would chug like 32oz every time she fed. You could also get her some of those instant ice pads designed specifically for post-partum perineum pain; they're 1-time use and she might feel like it's wasteful/unnecessary but if you buy them for her...
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Jul 15, 2024 22:47
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a massage is good provided she's in the right window of time for such things
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Jul 15, 2024 23:24
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I was gonna say a gift card to a good bra store, but it might be too personal.
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Jul 16, 2024 07:47
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First ultrasound for baby #2 was yesterday, and they measured about 2 weeks smaller than expected. Too small to detect a heartbeat or fetus, which means I either ovulated later than I thought, or it's not viable. We won't know for sure until follow-up ultrasound next week. Schrodinger's fetus, if you will (I am very smart, also very worried/bummed). I don't like having to wait, but there's nothing else I can do. Keeping my fingers crossed and snuggling our eldest, in the meantime.
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Jul 16, 2024 17:01
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boquiabierta posted:Hi everyone! I'm looking for present ideas for my pregnant nanny. I'm getting her some baby books and clothes but also want to get something for HER, not just the baby. What is something that you loved having during pregnancy that people might not necessarily think of? I know she already has a pregnancy pillow. TIA It doesn't have a really personal touch, but a bunch of money on a Skip/Ubereats/etc gift card for when you just can't be hosed cooking something.
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Jul 16, 2024 20:17
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Looks to the Moon posted:First ultrasound for baby #2 was yesterday, and they measured about 2 weeks smaller than expected. Too small to detect a heartbeat or fetus, which means I either ovulated later than I thought, or it's not viable. We won't know for sure until follow-up ultrasound next week. Schrodinger's fetus, if you will (I am very smart, also very worried/bummed). Fingers crossed, we had bad luck on that particular draw but I'm hoping you do better.
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Jul 16, 2024 20:26
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SpaceViking posted:Fingers crossed, we had bad luck on that particular draw but I'm hoping you do better. Thank you friend, and my condolences. What a difference it makes, becoming a parent.
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Jul 16, 2024 22:52
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Looks to the Moon posted:Thank you friend, and my condolences. What a difference it makes, becoming a parent. Agreed. We got luckier on the second round after that and our girl is almost 2 now, so it all worked out in the end.
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Jul 17, 2024 02:00
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Hey folks! Wife is about 11 weeks in, first time around for us so we are very excited and slightly overwhelmed. I have two questions: 1. Parenting classes: One of my wife's friends recommended this to her. Are these worth it? And if so, is there a company/group/etc. that is usually recommended? 2. Daycare: From what I'm seeing, it looks like we should have began researching this months ago. Whoops! Any tips on what to look out for? I figure I'd sign up for waitlists for any daycare centers around us. My wife is planning on working part time and we'll both be taking as much time as possible off in the beginning. I WFH and we also have out mother-in-law who lives 15 minutes away committing to at least a day a week with help, so I'm hoping we can minimize daycare expenses.
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Jul 17, 2024 17:30
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Grumio posted:It doesn't have a really personal touch, but a bunch of money on a Skip/Ubereats/etc gift card for when you just can't be hosed cooking something. Oh dang, this one’s a winner. We burned a lot of cash on take-out and delivery leading up to, and in the first month
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Jul 17, 2024 19:40
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reversefungi posted:Hey folks! Wife is about 11 weeks in, first time around for us so we are very excited and slightly overwhelmed. I have two questions: Not totally sure what you mean by parenting classes, but we did a couple of things I found good: 1) One day class put on by the hospital before the birth of KG3. It was helpful - included infant CPR, practice diaper changes and swaddling (on dolls, but still good) and mainly what to expect with labor and delivery, and some good advice all centered around delivery process from before first contractions until you get sent home from the hospital. Also good advice on safe practices once baby gets home. 2) A Moms group/Dads group in the area which were run out of a children's playcenter by a postpartum doula. This was more like advice and group therapy with someone with a degree of experience, primarily around core functions of feeding and sleeping. Commenced about six weeks after birth. I really liked this, my group was dads and it was great to do some away time solo with the baby, and then hang out / socialize afterwards, and it really just helped level set some of our expectations and perceptions of Problems. and contextualize the chaos. My wife also liked her moms group and ended up doing another one. I think this is particularly good if you are off work as it can be very, very isolating to be at home with a newborn.
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Jul 17, 2024 20:21
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reversefungi posted:Hey folks! Wife is about 11 weeks in, first time around for us so we are very excited and slightly overwhelmed. I have two questions: I have no opinion on parenting classes, as we never did them. Daycare, though, definitely ask friends or family with kids for their recommendations. We were recommended the daycare our daughter goes to by several people. We’re very pleased with it. Get on a waitlist if they have one!
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Jul 17, 2024 20:52
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Bloody Cat Farm posted:Get on a waitlist if they have one! This is very good advice During covid we were seeing 18 months for spots to open up at the Good places. We're at kindercare (megacorp that recently attempted an IPO) right now and it's been a big step down from the place we were at previously in another state that was owner operated despite being at the same price point
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Jul 17, 2024 21:43
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Thanks folks! Going to start reaching out to some today to see what exactly the situation is nearby. A lot of these places are asking for a name so we're just putting "N/A", did y'all have a name picked out 11 weeks in?! We haven't even shared the sex with anyone yet, let alone decide on a name.
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Jul 17, 2024 22:09
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Peanut or Nugget seems to be popular non committal references for medium early stage pregnancies I don't think we got into baby name books until at least week 20 and really not until we knew the sex/gender/whatever
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Jul 17, 2024 22:14
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reversefungi posted:Thanks folks! Going to start reaching out to some today to see what exactly the situation is nearby. A lot of these places are asking for a name so we're just putting "N/A", did y'all have a name picked out 11 weeks in?! We haven't even shared the sex with anyone yet, let alone decide on a name. We put "Baby [LASTNAME]" it's just a placeholder. I recommend touring places in person. Even if you don't know what the gently caress you at least get a vibes check and the vibes at one highly regarded place near us were bad, and it makes sure that you're more than just a number on the waitlist to the staff. If the place won't let you tour during childcare hours, don't send your kid there. It's pretty cut throat out there. The place we are at was our first choice and is a nonprofit at the end of our block, widely regarded as the best in our area. We went on two tours so the staff would recognize us. Then my wife started going to their fundraisers and networking like a motherfucker (other parents, staff, etc) and somehow got from #92 on the waitlist to in. Be shameless.
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Jul 17, 2024 22:42
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I've been putting TBD [LAST NAME] on all the forms. 21 weeks now! Big anatomy scan is on Friday. And I have a list of daycares and cost info but we really need to commit to doing tours and stuff 
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Jul 18, 2024 02:08
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KYOON GRIFFEY JR posted:It's pretty cut throat out there. The place we are at was our first choice and is a nonprofit at the end of our block, widely regarded as the best in our area. We went on two tours so the staff would recognize us. Then my wife started going to their fundraisers and networking like a motherfucker (other parents, staff, etc) and somehow got from #92 on the waitlist to in. Be shameless. Agree My brother in law had two kids (who are hadlock jrs cousins and we all lived within 4 blocks walking distance from this place) in the local daycare and he was the volunteer fundraising chair and we did multiple tours in 2020, 2021 and didn't get a call about an interview until summer of 2022. This is the top rated daycare in the city that gets national awards and that kind of thing We probably should have started offering foot rubs to the admissions director starting spring of 2021 Now we're at kindercare
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Jul 18, 2024 02:35
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reversefungi posted:Hey folks! Wife is about 11 weeks in, first time around for us so we are very excited and slightly overwhelmed. I have two questions: I did the Circle of Security parenting class, it was delivered by a local parenting non-profit here in Australia, but it's an international organisation and there are facilitators worldwide. It was a weekly class for ~8 weeks (or thereabouts) and was pretty good, though some of the concepts felt a little like they'd been tortured into the circle metaphor. Also, check around your local non-profits and charities - my partner and I did a course called "from partners to parents" through a local relationships/mental health non-profit which we found helpful. Oh, and baby first aid is pretty useful (I say, still not having done the course...).
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Jul 18, 2024 02:44
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reversefungi posted:did y'all have a name picked out 11 weeks in?! Sure we did, lots of names in fact  We didn't settle on one until a few days after kiddo was born though
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Jul 18, 2024 05:36
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Well, we're back in the early pregnancy unit this morning after another episode of light bleeding with a small clot, unprovoked. She had her 8 week scan 3 days ago and it was all normal and good so I don't know what this is about  e: it was nothing to worry about. Still so scary The Real Amethyst fucked around with this message at 15:57 on Jul 20, 2024 |
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Jul 20, 2024 10:13
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Definitely scary, we went through the same where an initial scan looked bad and we were told to prepare for possibly losing the baby, but once they got my wife into a better scanner it turned out that all was fine and now we have a healthy 7 month old.
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Jul 21, 2024 19:57
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So I’m hoping for some advice here and wasn’t sure if this or the parenting thread were more appropriate, but I think it’s more relevant to pregnancy and not child-rearing. I posted in here like two years ago when my wife and I were in the thick of IVF, we have a 16-month old son now, he’s rad. I’m 37, my wife will be 43 in November. We’ve kicked off the IVF process for child number two, but between insurance and life stuff, it’s an extremely slow process which has given us some time to think over the situation. I’m not totally sure how to move forward here. To be clear, we definitely want to have a second child. But there are definitely a handful of factors that might make us want to shy away or stick with just the one: - We’re older parents; it’s a huge amount of actual physical work being pregnant / giving birth / handling a brand new infant. This gets more complicated w/ the first one hanging around. Everyone we know with two kids tells us that it’s exponentially more difficult raising two of them at once. - We don’t have family in the area. Nor do we really have an excellent relationship with our family. So there’s not much help there. - My wife’s relevant hormones / egg reserve / metrics are all pretty greatly reduced from the first time around. I hate this kind of metaphor but the clock is more or less ticking. Outside of reduced egg reserves we’re more or less “normal”. - Insurance will cover one, maybe two rounds of IVF, but we’re looking at several thousand out of pocket to cover prescriptions and etc. The insurance battle has been a huge drain on our QOL. After that we either have to pay for it all, or go back to rolling the dice on a conventional pregnancy (it didn’t work the first time, after about 9 months of trying). I’m really not sure what to do or how long to try to navigate the IVF process before giving up and being happy with the one kid. None of this even gets into the financial strain represented by kid number two, which is…considerable. I would love for my son to grow up with a sibling and the joy of raising a second child, but I don’t know that we can handle it, necessarily.
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Jul 30, 2024 18:57
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Look no one can make this decision but you but as someone who just got a vasectomy and stopped at one kid, I thought about things and landed on not having any more for most of the reasons you just posted. And when people talk about the joy of having more kids and the benefits of siblings and all that, that's true but there's also no guarantee that any of that will happen. It always frustrates me when people talk about my kid missing out on a sibling because what if one of them turns out to be a serial liar? What if they hate each other? And if that's true why are all the people who have two kids stopping there and not having as many as humanly possible because surely each additional kid will bring that much more joy? I have the kid I have and I am so goddamn lucky and in love with her. I don't want to have any more for a number of reasons. Other people make different choices but this one is mine. Obviously this was also talked about with my partner at length.
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Jul 30, 2024 20:06
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We have one kid. He's 11 now. I love our life and he loves his life. I know I would love any other kids we had had we chosen to have another, but I don't know if I would have loved my life as much, if that makes any sense.
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Jul 30, 2024 20:16
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I'm an only child and as someone whose parent died fairly early, would have really appreciated having a sibling, especially now that I have my own kids. Thankfully my wife has a sister with three kids so my kid has family in her own age group to play with We're lucky enough to live in a fairly high cost of living area and afford a second kid so we're probably going to do that
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Jul 30, 2024 20:23
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Just another person throwing in my two cents - we have one child and my husband really wants another, but for so many reasons it’s just not a good idea. I think it’s an extremely emotional decision with very serious consequences (obviously). I think of it this way, I can give my son a great life and give him all of my resources and attention the way things are now. If we had another child, due to the financial strain and also having no help with family, his quality of life would suffer. It sucks because I want to make my husband happy and I know my son would be a great brother, but I do think that sticking with one child is better for our situation.
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Jul 30, 2024 20:33
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There's also no guarantees that siblings will like each other. Or that one kid won't be stuck with all the work for aging parents anyway even if there are 5 kids in the family. Or any of a variety of things. Siblings aren't guaranteed friends and burden share-ers.
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Jul 30, 2024 21:15
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There’s definitely a push/pull between existing resources and our own capabilities. We make great money - we make nearly triple the median household income for our area and are living comfortably despite the insane combo of mortgage and daycare. Adding in another $2.3k/mo for a second kid in daycare would be a pretty serious burden, however, especially after the amount of out of pocket expenses we’ll need to run through w/ IVF cycles. We kind of have to fill in the gap of lack of family in the area by just…paying for it, more or less. I wrote a whole chunk of text here about my own childhood trauma / PTSD issues but I think it’s a little too personal for this thread, so I’ll just say that I’m very seriously concerned about how the energy spent on raising another kid would leave nothing behind for my own survival and enjoyment of life. And yet and yet and yet There are a ton of reasons why I would tell anybody else in my situation to just cool it and be happy with the one kid but I’m not really able to say that to myself. None of this is rational; just weird instinctual biological drive and the complete rewiring of my brain by my son’s existence. FWIW we’ve already decided not to pursue more than 3 rounds of IVF due to financial constraints and given the existing conditions there’s a good chance it just doesn’t pan out anyways, which would make all of this moot. There isn’t one perfect answer here and I appreciate y’all reading this; I clearly need to continue chewing on it.
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Jul 31, 2024 17:33
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There are no guarantees that siblings will like each other, etc, but (as an only child myself) I am a firm believer that having a sibling is beneficial for social development particularly around conflict resolution or lack thereof. Being an only child can be isolating - yes, you have friends and your parents, but it's not really the same kind of relationship. I do not know a lot of only children that intend to only have one child. (To be fair, I don't really keep track of people with siblings who intend to have one child, and this is quite nonscientific) You of course have to weigh your own personal situation and the pros and cons of having additional children, and there's nothing wrong with being an only child, but it is definitely different from having siblings. For taking care of aging parents, it's a double edged sword - my wife can share the burden with her siblings to a degree, but that also necessitates everyone getting on the same page. I get to call all the shots but I also have to do everything. I also can't gather strength in numbers, which is quite underrated.
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Aug 1, 2024 13:49
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