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Ok, well fair enough. How then did you all get advice during those first few months? Please don't say the internet.
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Mar 13, 2025 20:31
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| # ? Jan 24, 2026 11:25 |
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What to Expect When You're Expecting is a classic that gets updated with new information every so often. Your local library probably offers a lot of books about pregnancy, even in discreet e-book form so you can keep it more easily concealed. There is also a thread here in A/T. It is not very active but it is old and has a lot of accumulated wisdom and stories. And honestly, the internet was a super helpful resource. Plenty of more active forums for discussing pregnancy and birth plans and all the fun.
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Mar 13, 2025 20:35
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Count Roland posted:Ok, well fair enough. The answer is the Internet, or if your very closest friend can actually keep their goddamn mouth shut & would have advice to share, you might ask your wife if it's ok to tell this one person. What advice do you need for the first trimester? Do what the doctor tells you, and don't buy any baby stuff because like I said, miscarriages are heartbreaking and you don't need baby shoes (never worn) hanging around the place to make you cry more than you already will.
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Mar 13, 2025 20:36
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Count Roland posted:How then did you all get advice during those first few months?
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Mar 13, 2025 20:38
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Patience is hard and it's something you're going to need. First you'll wait 12 weeks to tell people, then you'll wait another 6 months for the baby... then you can start waiting for the bottle warmer, waiting for the baby to fall asleep on your lap, waiting at the pediatrician's office, etc.
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Mar 13, 2025 20:46
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Count Roland posted:Ok, well fair enough. What advice do you need? The pregnant person will probably be throwing up or sensitive to smells or emotions. Be supportive. They gotta go to the doctor. Take them. By the time you can tell people with a lower risk of miscarriage (12 weeks) the fetus will weigh 1oz. It’s not like you’re keeping this thing a secret until a fully formed baby springs out. You will have 28 more weeks to plan and strategize with folks. That’s plenty of time.
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Mar 13, 2025 20:50
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Pham Nuwen posted:Patience is hard and it's something you're going to need. First you'll wait 12 weeks to tell people, then you'll wait another 6 months for the baby... then you can start waiting for the bottle warmer, waiting for the baby to fall asleep on your lap, waiting at the pediatrician's office, etc. If a meager 7ish weeks of being a dad has taught me anything, it's that no matter how patient you think you are, a baby will find incredible ways to push those boundaries
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Mar 13, 2025 20:56
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reversefungi posted:If a meager 7ish weeks of being a dad has taught me anything, it's that no matter how patient you think you are, a baby will find incredible ways to push those boundaries *laughs in toddler*
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Mar 13, 2025 20:59
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books, internet, your OB your mom isnt going to remember poo poo about the first trimester other than vague vibes (my mom said she was sick a little bit and she ate a lot of pumpkin pie, very useful. my mother in law said she was nauseous a lot). she's gonna think about the baby when they are maybe 6 months old and smiling and doing some rudimentary tricks not when they are a yelly potato in the first trimester. there's basically nothing of value to be gained there from a practical advice standpoint. hell i'm not even sure what I could tell you about the first trimester that for us was like less than 2 years ago. It was scary because we had the non-viability scare, that was stressful. we spent a lot of time thinking about rearranging our apartment. my wife was nauseous a lot and tired a lot.
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Mar 13, 2025 21:01
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My wife was sleepy in her first trimester, glowing in her second trimester, then increasingly uncomfortable in her third. So maybe it'll be like that?
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Mar 13, 2025 21:07
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space uncle posted:What advice do you need? I don't know, I haven't done this before. To clarify, I'm not looking for medical advice. Obviously my partner will get that from medical professionals and I can read stuff. I'm more thinking that this is the biggest thing to happen in my life. I'm not a very emotional person most of the time but this is a big deal and I want to talk about it. I told my partner I wouldn't discuss it with anyone without clearing it with her, of course.
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Mar 13, 2025 21:13
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We told our family about number two during the first trimester because we had a family holiday and it would have been very obvious if my partner didn't drink at all (wine region). Also had to read dad the riot act after he made some stupid comments during pregnancy number one. My sister jumped the gun on her first pregnancy so had to contact everyone she told when she had a miscarriage.
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Mar 13, 2025 21:23
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Count Roland posted:I don't know, I haven't done this before. Get your childcare situation sorted out, now. If one of you plans to be stay-at-home, great. If you have family (who, admittedly, you haven't told) that you can reasonably expect to provide full-time childcare then uh, do let them know as soon as you're both comfortable sharing. If you're planning to put your baby in day care though, get that sorted out ASAP. A lot of the better daycare facilities have waiting list for infants that are 12 months our or longer (do the math on that one), so you really want to get that under lock ASAP. Beyond that, you'll want to discuss when you're comfortable telling folks. Telling family near 12 weeks is reasonable. The other big hurdle is the anatomy scan at 20 weeks. You might prefer to wait to tell everyone else until after the anatomy scan. Since its your partner's first baby, ask if she wants a baby shower, and if so, see that her friends (once she tells them the news, of course) actually arrange one. It's not your responsibility to put on a baby shower for her, but it might be something she wants and there's not a female-friend close enough to her to take the initiative on it. Unless you already know, start having "the name discussion" around 24 weeks (which is the point of viability). My personal recommendation is to not tell anyone what you plan name your baby until your baby is born and paperwork is signed. People have a habit, otherwise, of rudely commenting on your name choice, or stealing the name you've chosen for their own baby, or other silly things like that. Keep a bag packed at 28 weeks and after. Eventually you'll need to plan for a bassinet and car seat. You won't need a crib immediately (if you're using a bassinet the transition is around 4-5 months). You'll want to discuss with your partner what you want to do for feeding. If she intends to (try) breastfeeding have a backup plan--there's no shame in formula or supplementing with formula if breastfeeding proves troublesome. The things you need to know is how to hold a baby, how to feed a bottle, how to burp, how to change a diaper. Those are the things you'll want to familiarize yourself with before she goes into labor, because otherwise you do feel like you're thrown into the deep end of the pool when the baby is born. I mean, you'll still feel like that but you'll have floaties or something.
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Mar 13, 2025 22:52
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ExcessBLarg! posted:Here's some practical advice: This is all solid advice. Get this locked down and you're well on the way and can spend your evenings reading baby books but be aware that most of them spend a whole chapter telling you something that can be communicated in 3 paragraphs, because books sell better than 10 page pamphlets. For instance, you don't really need to buy The Happiest Baby on the Block (gifted to us by a friend), you can get the important poo poo in this blog post by the author: https://www.happiestbaby.com/blogs/baby/the-5-s-s-for-soothing-babies. Learn those 5 S's, by the way, they do work (for most babies... half the book is hedging as to why it doesn't work for some). Swaddling is kind of hard to practice without a real baby but they showed us at the hospital. I was a master for a couple weeks and then I completely lost the ability, so we bought some of the velcro swaddles instead (which are great)
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Mar 13, 2025 22:59
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I can't stop eating my toddler's leftovers. I'm gonna catch some terrible Norovirus at this rate.
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Mar 13, 2025 23:25
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brain rules for baby was a pretty good book imo
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Mar 13, 2025 23:52
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Giant Metal Robot posted:I can't stop eating my toddler's leftovers. I'm gonna catch some terrible Norovirus at this rate. Serve them smaller portions. Refilling is annoying, but losing weight is harder. Also you won't get sick as often, which is a huge bonus.
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Mar 13, 2025 23:52
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coronatae posted:What to Expect When You're Expecting is a classic that gets updated with new information every so often. Your local library probably offers a lot of books about pregnancy, even in discreet e-book form so you can keep it more easily concealed. God this book is so loving tedious. It repeats and repeats and repeats. The info is good and well vetted (though it wanders into unconfirmed hippie stuff now and again, its transparent about it though) but the book should be 1/3 as long. And if youre listening to an audiobook as i was its a little harder to skip the parts that dont apply to you because my wife never smoked or did heroin. I like the book Raising Good Parents by Dr Gregory Gordon as a handy guide for after the baby is born. Its very succinct, digestable and relevant. CarForumPoster fucked around with this message at 00:35 on Mar 14, 2025 |
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Mar 14, 2025 00:06
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Oh, if you're putting together baby furniture or baby toys, drop of permatex blue on all those bolts. thank me later.
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Mar 14, 2025 00:33
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KYOON GRIFFEY JR posted:Oh, if you're putting together baby furniture or baby toys, drop of permatex blue on all those bolts. thank me later. Wish I knew this 2 years ago
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Mar 14, 2025 00:48
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A set of hex bits, a 90° adapter*, and your power drill will make short work of most assembly jobs. *Something like this https://www.northerntool.com/products/milwaukee-shockwave-right-angle-adapter-model-48-32-2390-85324
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Mar 14, 2025 01:02
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My daughter keeps saying she's got to "sign a wafer" before doing various things
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Mar 14, 2025 01:15
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Another few things that I found were helpful/might be easily overlooked etc., although probably don't need to worry about them quite yet: - Look up parenting classes, the hospital you're delivering at probably has some. We took one morning-long thing and wish we had been more organized about taking some of the longer form ones. Either way, lots of important safety topics, infant CPR stuff, resource sharing, etc. will be presented, helps to take it all in - Make sure to get the car seat installation inspected at a local fire department. All the departments near us required booking like a month in advance so it was a bit of a mad dash since we thought it'd be a little simpler/more open ended rather than tight 4 hour blocks once a week.
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Mar 14, 2025 01:30
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Another thing to do before the baby comes: Make a list of all the things you like to do. Then think about the most annoying kid you've seen in public throwing a meltdown. If things in the first list would be miserable with the kid from the second do it as much as you can before the baby comes. Movies, restaurants, museums, watching sports, playing sports. Clock's ticking
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Mar 14, 2025 01:36
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My 4yo was excited to watch Win or Lose but completely lost interest by the second episode and I gotta say I was kinda right there with her I thought Pixar + great reviews would mean I'd pretty much automatically like it but it's just the definition of Whatever
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Mar 14, 2025 02:06
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My not yet 3 year old hit us with a "Jesus, please" while we were playing around. A+ parenting right here.
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Mar 14, 2025 06:51
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Any risks with going up in nipple size early? Little guy is 7.5 weeks old and is taking close to an hour on feedings with size 1 (Dr Brown's). Everything I've read online seems to say it's ok to go up early if they're taking forever. I've tried a few feedings with size 2 and it's infinitely faster, although he did cough a bit just now.
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Mar 14, 2025 12:19
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KYOON GRIFFEY JR posted:Oh, if you're putting together baby furniture or baby toys, drop of permatex blue on all those bolts. thank me later. What is that, and why?
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Mar 14, 2025 13:06
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ExcessBLarg! posted:Here's some practical advice: This is good advice, thanks. We're already looking at child care options. And yeah, I want my family and friends to be involved as much as possible, which is part of the reason I'd like to bring (a select few) in earlier than the others. Mostly my mom, who never met a kid she didn't like. Of course she also can't keep a secret so that's a tough one.
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Mar 14, 2025 13:24
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Count Roland posted:This is good advice, thanks. I know you're excited but seriously just wait and follow your partner's wishes. Before 12 weeks is just tempting fate. Miscarriages are nowhere near as rare as you may think; people just don't talk about them because they're super painful to process.
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Mar 14, 2025 13:31
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Count Roland posted:This is good advice, thanks. Yeah for daycare had emailed top local choice & never heard back so assumed was booked solid. Tried calling a month later & learned of course they had a full time spot, & within an hour was there filling out paperwork & it’s worked out great. Turns out their director was a nice older person who hadn’t updated their online contact info so emails were going into void (so I suspect they had more vacancies than they would have otherwise). Uh, guess my point is if it doesn’t cost anything to be on a waitlist then sign up for all the places you could tolerate, and later if a spot opens you don’t need takes two seconds to decline & doesn’t feel like wasting their time. The process felt like apartment hunting, every place different ecosystem & have to go in person as online info limited. On another note, little dude loves New York Times games including Connections, Gray (Wordle), & Bumblebee (Spelling Bee).
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Mar 14, 2025 13:40
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Chillmatic posted:What is that, and why? It's threadlocker - it makes it so the bolt won't loosen and back out. So when your baby is banging around their toddler tower or whatever, the bolts will stay secure and you won't have to constantly retighten them. edit: you put a little drop on the threads. you can still take the bolt out, it's not that stuck and using a screwdriver / hex key will break the bond easily. It just won't vibrate/wiggle out. KYOON GRIFFEY JR fucked around with this message at 13:49 on Mar 14, 2025 |
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Mar 14, 2025 13:41
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reversefungi posted:Any risks with going up in nipple size early? Little guy is 7.5 weeks old and is taking close to an hour on feedings with size 1 (Dr Brown's). Everything I've read online seems to say it's ok to go up early if they're taking forever. I've tried a few feedings with size 2 and it's infinitely faster, although he did cough a bit just now. The only risk is more coughing / spit up, but I'd probably take that trade. KG3 was a slow eater early on and the size of the nipple did not matter, I would have done about anything to get him to eat faster.
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Mar 14, 2025 13:48
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KYOON GRIFFEY JR posted:The only risk is more coughing / spit up, but I'd probably take that trade. KG3 was a slow eater early on and the size of the nipple did not matter, I would have done about anything to get him to eat faster. Thanks! Yeah little guy is growing like a weed but is also a super slow eater. Size 2s are helping make feeding not take the entire day
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Mar 14, 2025 13:54
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reversefungi posted:Any risks with going up in nipple size early? Little guy is 7.5 weeks old and is taking close to an hour on feedings with size 1 (Dr Brown's). Everything I've read online seems to say it's ok to go up early if they're taking forever. I've tried a few feedings with size 2 and it's infinitely faster, although he did cough a bit just now. Thats a good question for a pediatrician but ill share my experience. We also use Dr Browns and went from size 0 to size "T" due to time and have stayed there for several months now. If hes coughing or getting fire-hosed hes not ready, but if theres no detectable consequences then it seems like not a problem to me. Whether there are "risks", idk, thats a thing doctors know.
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Mar 14, 2025 14:27
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Survived potty training with the twins. It went way better than expected, especially considering the girl, my wife, and I all got a stomach bug on day 4. They go on their own without prompting now. So nice to be able to ditch the diapers outside of sleep times.
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Mar 14, 2025 14:28
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Count Roland posted:This is good advice, thanks. You might think you want your family and friends involved as much as possible, but I imagine you'll start to tire of their unwarranted or outdated advice pretty quickly. (You might have perfect friends and family, but I have yet to meet someone that hasn't complained about people getting too into their poo poo during pregnancy / early childhood.) Also, to reiterate what others have said, there's really nothing they can help you with right now anyway. If you need someone to help you build a crib, you won't be doing that until month 7 (or sometime after the baby's born if you use a bassinet or bed share). If you want first trimester advice, the doctor is the best person for that. If you want to commiserate about your partner's morning sickness or constant irritation at everything you do while she's going through a huge body change, we're here for you.
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Mar 14, 2025 14:47
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One tip for pregnancy: it’s good to pick one trusted friend you can tell immediately. Everyone else can wait till second trimester. But pick that one friend to talk with, someone who can share your excitement who isn’t your partner, and who talk you off the ledge whenever you get nervous, so to speak.
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Mar 14, 2025 15:37
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Also, if you want to be super helpful, offer to take on more household tasks, cook, etc. Also preggie pops helped my wife a lot in the beginning when it came to dealing with morning sickness and nausea
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Mar 14, 2025 15:40
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| # ? Jan 24, 2026 11:25 |
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CarForumPoster posted:Thats a good question for a pediatrician but ill share my experience. We also use Dr Browns and went from size 0 to size "T" due to time and have stayed there for several months now. If hes coughing or getting fire-hosed hes not ready, but if theres no detectable consequences then it seems like not a problem to me. Whether there are "risks", idk, thats a thing doctors know. I forgot that one of the risks is the baby will start preferring the bottle to the boob because the milk comes faster which can lead to a supply drop. My baby yells at the boob in a frustrated noise that sounds like a 1HP water pump surging. He still prefers mommy booby time though. Its good to ask a pediatrician.
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Mar 14, 2025 15:50
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