Thunderdome '13 - If this were any other thread we'd all be banned by now

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > Thunderdome '13 - If this were any other thread we'd all be banned by now

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crabrock: Aug 2, 2002; I

AM

MAGNIFICENT

In general, you shouldn't respond to critiques not only because it shits up the thread, but because it doesn't help you become a better writer. It helps you become a better explainer. If somebody doesn't understand your story, rewrite it. Don't tell them what you were going for, because the next reader won't have that luxury. Obviously sometimes the reader is just being an idiot and you need to tell them that, but keep it short, even if you have unlimited space (like on your GDocs).

# ? Oct 26, 2013 22:09

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# ? Jun 19, 2025 04:07

sebmojo: Oct 23, 2010; Legit Cyberpunk

This is a good conversation; take it to Fiction Farm if y'all want to continue it.

Doc Kloc, are me and Sitting Here gonna get judged?

Vv horses held vv

sebmojo fucked around with this message at 00:05 on Oct 27, 2013

# ? Oct 26, 2013 23:05

Bad Seafood: Dec 10, 2010; If you must blink, do it now.

sebmojo posted:

This is a good conversation; take it to Fiction Farm if y'all want to continue it.

Doc Kloc, are me and Sitting Here gonna get judged?

The Mysterious Mystery Judge of Mystery� is taking their sweet time. A verdict will probably be reached sometime this weekend. Hold your horses.

# ? Oct 26, 2013 23:12

sebmojo: Oct 23, 2010; Legit Cyberpunk

I liked this piece.

Fumblemouse posted:

Fumblemouse vs Mercedes

216 words - crime - no violence - cheerful

Iron

I love being a teacher. Tim has fallen over on the harsh This adjective is perfect. school carpet, and there�s blood on his knee. I love my job. I love the sound of children playing. I love the way they hurt when they fall, when they break the skin. I love the way they let me kiss it better. The taste.

Examine the components of this paragraph for a tutorial in how to create an image space. We have character, repetition, the juxtaposing of jolly and grim-as-gently caress, of general and grittily specific, a diamond-clear voice. Examine particularly the way the final sentence fragment fits with the rhythm of the preceding lines.

I�ve been alone for a while now, and all the parents know it�s a sad thing. Vital context. But my work keeps me sane, keeps me involved. shift in perspective from the parents view of him back to his own view of himself And Tim has fallen over. Bless him. I love him. I love his wound. I kiss it, taste the bitter, metallic blood. 'metallic blood' is a great phrase.

Today we learned about Malaysia. Home of Tin, and Islam and Child Slavery 'child slavery' is verging on the too much, but I think it works because it baldly states what has been talked around. We learned the syllabus and Tim met my eyes. I asked a question, and Tim raised his his hand. I don�t want to let the class know that he is my favourite, so I let Sarah answer.

Sarah is wrong. Her words like eels. Her curving body so disgusting. two poetically marvellous lines. Tim still has his hand up, stretching. I point to him and he is just about to answer when Sarah pushes him~~s wheelchair~~ I think this is too much. bloodiphile pedophile teacher is fine, adding cripplephile is unsupported by the rest of the story and pushes it into farce from the side and he ~~cascades to the floor~~falls. The harsh <= carpet scrapes his knee.

I kiss it better. Iron.

Edit: this is tight enough that I want to see you fight Noah, king of thunderbrawls. Arrange it.

sebmojo fucked around with this message at 12:29 on Oct 27, 2013

# ? Oct 27, 2013 11:09

inthesto: May 12, 2010; Pro is an amazing name!

Rock 'Em, Sock 'Em (813 words)

# ? Oct 27, 2013 12:42

Tyrannosaurus: Apr 12, 2006

Achilles (990 words)

edit: now you can click on it

Tyrannosaurus fucked around with this message at 17:10 on Oct 27, 2013

# ? Oct 27, 2013 16:10

autism ZX spectrum: Feb 8, 2007; by Lowtax; Fun Shoe

Dead Road 6 (999 words)

# ? Oct 27, 2013 18:34

Quidthulhu: Dec 17, 2003; Stand down, men! It's only smooching!

Get Flush, Get Out (978 words)

# ? Oct 27, 2013 19:16

Mercedes: Mar 7, 2006; "So you Jesus?"

"And you black?"

"Nigga prove it!"

And so Black Jesus turned water into a bucket of chicken. And He saw that it was good.

Last week's crits are all done.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/13sI2ni5n9SdkzXwXUUa8H9cL3gIggaFA5kXrdSgrl20/edit

# ? Oct 27, 2013 20:32

The Swinemaster: Dec 28, 2005

Is there a way to post to Google Drive anonymously? I don't see any way to share without my actual name being on it.

I think this should work.

The Boy Who Didn't Cry Wolf, ~750 words

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1QZhTMQhubHKwCbgZ5x3BlKjLM9QKa9VaDvdI1MP5_Zk/edit?usp=sharing

The Swinemaster fucked around with this message at 23:13 on Oct 27, 2013

# ? Oct 27, 2013 20:39

Tyrannosaurus: Apr 12, 2006

The Swinemaster posted:

Is there a way to post to Google Drive anonymously? I don't see any way to share without my actual name being on it.

Create a fake google account?

# ? Oct 27, 2013 20:48

doug fuckey: Jun 7, 2007; hella greenbacks

My offering is complete

Fearless 998 words

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1TX6DMR8ih-P_RRoDdxzoxYeeVovmlzDi0wsA4newHxg/edit

# ? Oct 27, 2013 21:21

V for Vegas: Sep 1, 2004; THUNDERDOME LOSER

The Turning of the Wheel - 922

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1soI9Uq71jpOYoOUJVmz7n0wCw_rlYm5RA6jiNpzI2pE/edit?usp=sharing

# ? Oct 27, 2013 22:50

Erogenous Beef: Dec 20, 2006; i know the filthy secrets of your heart

Howdy, y'all. Gather 'round, it's time fer the tale of...

Jim Outlaw and the Return of LED-Eye Dick (998 words, click title for Googledocs)

<nothing to see here>

Erogenous Beef fucked around with this message at 12:12 on Oct 29, 2013

# ? Oct 27, 2013 22:51

Steriletom: May 11, 2009; My inability to write has angered the ghost of Thunderdome! Beware my example, lest you be haunted.

Written sober, edited drunk. Have fun. At least I got something in for once.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1rza7eTLNSBHtgmYyq211WCBAk3cO66sopz26j2S100Y/edit?usp=sharing

785 words.

Steriletom fucked around with this message at 18:48 on Oct 28, 2013

# ? Oct 27, 2013 23:34

Echo Cian: Jun 16, 2011

Excision (983 words)

# ? Oct 28, 2013 00:08

Nikaer Drekin: Oct 11, 2012; THUNDERDOME LOSER 2020

Parasite (999 Words)

# ? Oct 28, 2013 00:23

Sitting Here: Dec 31, 2007

Six-ish more hours for submissions. I will be a little behind on reading due to some lovely IRL personal stuff, but I will be doing comments all tomorrow.

# ? Oct 28, 2013 01:50

FouRPlaY: May 5, 2010

I am bowing out.

I am also going to think long and hard about my inability to write a thousand word story when I've written longer emails.

# ? Oct 28, 2013 02:14

J Hume: Apr 23, 2013; What is the best number?

Lupinum (870 words)

Can't wait for the surprise second phase of this Thunderdome!

e: changed link to allow commenting

J Hume fucked around with this message at 02:34 on Oct 28, 2013

# ? Oct 28, 2013 02:31

Ronnie_Long: Jun 7, 2003; cock of the walk

I was going to say "read it and weep" but then I realized that I would be setting myself up for many cruel comments regarding my writing and its ability to provoke tears. So, instead, presented without comment:

The Raid 995 Words

# ? Oct 28, 2013 02:35

docbeard: Jul 19, 2011; great, there's two of them

A World Without Me In It
960 Words

# ? Oct 28, 2013 03:26

Mirthless: Mar 27, 2011; by the sex ghost

I have to drop. I lost track of time and I think I should probably stay away from Thunderdome until I can prioritize better.

# ? Oct 28, 2013 03:30

Helsing: Aug 23, 2003; DON'T POST IN THE ELECTION THREAD UNLESS YOU JOE BIDEN

More Than You Can Chew

960 words

# ? Oct 28, 2013 03:39

bald gnome error: Feb 9, 2011

Unfortunately, out as well - I knew I had extensive social commitments this weekend that involved extensive drinking, and had the hubris to think I could still make it work. I'll try to redeem myself soon.

# ? Oct 28, 2013 03:47

crabrock: Aug 2, 2002; I

AM

MAGNIFICENT

The Mechanopig's Gift
1000 words

# ? Oct 28, 2013 03:55

Jeza: Feb 13, 2011; The cries of the dead are terrible indeed; you should try not to hear them.

Give and Take

902 Words

# ? Oct 28, 2013 04:35

Accretionist: Nov 7, 2012; I BELIEVE IN STUPID CONSPIRACY THEORIES

The Temple
844 Words

# ? Oct 28, 2013 04:53

dmboogie: Oct 4, 2013

I really need to manage my time better so I can stop always submitting at the last minute.

The Driver

(1000 words)

# ? Oct 28, 2013 05:43

Noah: May 31, 2011; Come at me baby bitch

I'm not gonna get mine in. Womp womp.

# ? Oct 28, 2013 05:51

crabrock: Aug 2, 2002; I

AM

MAGNIFICENT

Noah posted:

I'm not gonna get mine in. Womp womp.

This is your first ever failure to submit in 43 submissions.

# ? Oct 28, 2013 06:02

Jopoho: Feb 17, 2012

The Hanged-Man

969 Words

# ? Oct 28, 2013 06:15

Dirty Communist: Apr 29, 2010; THUNDERDOME LOSER

Amber Skald (751 words)

https://docs.google.com/document/d/11xfTagqw8omuacjM8zAjlKLVsnn6P3HrwTvdmMNeksA

Judges, you've given me so much advice already, though could you tell me if I've improved since losing the last round? I wrote this one with a main focus on clarity and neatness.

# ? Oct 28, 2013 07:01

crabrock: Aug 2, 2002; I

AM

MAGNIFICENT

Dirty Communist, your story needs to be opened up to guest viewing.

crabrock fucked around with this message at 07:26 on Oct 28, 2013

# ? Oct 28, 2013 07:10

Bitchtits McGee: Jul 1, 2011

I'm either an hour and a half late or I'm in with half an hour to spare. Never have gotten the right of it with time zones. Either way, here it is.

Dada (529 words)

# ? Oct 28, 2013 07:24

owl milk: Jun 28, 2011

My first completed short story, and with almost no time to spare! edit: if the deadline is 12 pdt like I thought...

The Deserters (703 words)

# ? Oct 28, 2013 07:50

sebmojo: Oct 23, 2010; Legit Cyberpunk

Bitchtits McGee posted:

I'm either an hour and a half late or I'm in with half an hour to spare. Never have gotten the right of it with time zones. Either way, here it is.

Dada (529 words)

Judge whim: admitted.

# ? Oct 28, 2013 07:51

Noah: May 31, 2011; Come at me baby bitch

crabrock posted:

This is your first ever failure to submit in 43 submissions.

Ugh, fine!

The Birthday Gift

1000 words, under the wire.

# ? Oct 28, 2013 07:57

Bad Seafood: Dec 10, 2010; If you must blink, do it now.

Business Before Pleasure (505 words)

EDIT: Fiddled with the indentation. For some reason everything on the second page was too far over.

Bad Seafood fucked around with this message at 09:44 on Oct 28, 2013

# ? Oct 28, 2013 08:04

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# ? Jun 19, 2025 04:07

Sitting Here: Dec 31, 2007

Submissions closed.

# ? Oct 28, 2013 08:09

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > Thunderdome '13 - If this were any other thread we'd all be banned by now

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