Phobia posted:

Would you kindly do a line-by-line of my TD entry Benny?

PoshAlligator posted:

Well, here's my entry.

Inspired by Taco's version of "Puttin' on the Ritz".

---

Puttin' on the Ritz

Benny the Snake posted:

Would you please do a line-by-line critique of my current TD entry Helm?

WeLandedOnTheMoon! posted:

WeLandedOnTheMoon! posted:

Whalley posted:

Ilana is an ex-IDF member who, upon completion of her tour of duty, hosed right off to Los Grano D'Oro and became a bartender. She has really short hair, is uncomfortable around strangers, and loves silver rings.

Mercedes posted:

Black Jesus: Nigga of Man, black, dreadlocked, smooth-talking holy man of a run down lovely church deep in the hood. Is also not the real Black Jesus.

DuckyB posted:

Phillip Clarion is a thirty-six year old, French-American man, and the primary enforcer of an anonymous fixer-for-hire agency. His team specializes in digital security and acquisition, but he will not shy away from personally handling jobs that require a physical presence. At 5'4" and 130 lbs., his slim, brown-haired, brown-eyed, pale does not cut an imposing figure. This perceived weakness has become the core of his role as an enforcer. Phillip strives to achieve assigned objectives with stealth, efficiency, and minimal body count.

On each job, Phillip a slim, false cigar wallet filled with dissoluble drugs, ranging from sedatives to lethal poisons, a burner, jailbroken smartphone connecting him to his team, and a 9mm Springfield XD-S for emergency use. To aid in infiltration and security detail assignments, he studies and practices both parkour and aikido, and recently attained the rank of Rokudan in the latter art. Training in these particular arts has given him a deep appreciation for patience and repetition in practice, as well as fluidity and intuition in implementation. During field observation he tends to dress and act as boringly as possible until his team confirms a target, and prefers to subtly sedate or poison any victims rather than use more direct methods of violence. Outside of work, he possesses a somber but relaxed disposition, rarely seeking out social contact on his own but willing to entertain a few co-workers and close friends.

The Saddest Rhino posted:

Erik is sad. Erik's a blonde bearded trucker from America with cold blue eyes, and huge like a mack truck (think The Mountain for your popular culture references). He is distant and quiet, and mostly thoughtful. His presence in Los Grano D'oro is up to you. Erik is permanently depressed.

Also he's gay.

E: I give you all permission to have Erik sex any character.

Thalamas posted:

Molly is all of thirteen, has multi-colored hair, and a smart mouth. She doesn't believe the rumors at school about her father being a mob lawyer and has gotten into a few fights about it. Elmo, their bodyguard, is just around because daddy loves her.

Elmo is a mob enforcer assigned to watch over Molly's father and his family, though he is particularly devoted to the kid. His nickname is St. Elmo's Fire. Dropped out of seminary for mysterious reasons.

Meeple posted:

Barry 'Baz' Richards is, in his own words, "just a guy who does stuff, like. It's a job, innit?" A small-time London crook and shady 'entrepreneur', he wound up in Los Grano D'oro a few years back after a spectacularly convoluted plan gone wrong (he refuses to talk about it), and has been scraping by ever since.

sebmojo posted:

Rolf Backslash, trucker and poet. Hairline: receding. Belly: vast. Odor: pungent in the extreme.

SurreptitiousMuffin posted:

Pretty Peter Polio is a heroin addict and occasional medical assistant, mostly because he's good with needles. His body is gaunt but his face is RIDICULOUS HANDSOME OMG GUYS SRSLY.

docbeard posted:

Miriam and Michael Augustine made their fortunes the old-fashioned way: by stealing them. That's all behind them now. They've long since traded their high-society con artistry and jewel thievery in for a life of idle luxury, devoted instead to each other and the finer things in life (particularly those fine things that come from a bottle). But their past isn't quite done with them. Nor they with it.

Grizzled Patriarch posted:

Hector is a wharf rat. He's semi-indigent, crashing where he can, and he worries constantly about making ends meet. Recently he's gotten into trouble with some dangerous people, and now he just wants to get as far away from Los Grano D'Oro as possible.

Meinberg posted:

Alex Lecosto has her fingers everywhere in the Los Grano D'oro art scene. Poetry, galleries, theater, her words and her money make her influence known to all and sundry. She enjoys the control that she asserts, the power and influence she reaps, and the shoulders that she rubs with. But her end game is a mystery to everyone but herself. She's androgynous, pale, tall, and sharply-featured, and flaunts her asexuality. Her weapon of choice is her wits and her words, with her web of favors as a back-up if she really needs it.

ZorajitZorajit posted:

Elle FR Velez, late night DJ. Elle's show is the sounding board for half a hundred crazies, advertisements for quote-unquote massage parlors, and the very best music in the world. Somebody broke Elle's heart in her youth and she never got over it.

Obliterati posted:

Alabama Eriksson is a renegade archaeologist who lost his prestigious lecturing gig after he confused two types of pottery that six people on Earth give a poo poo about. Shunned by his peers, he makes ends meet appraising idols looted from lost temples and drafting up fakes to go with them. He has really great jokes about the Neolithic that his new associates just don't get, but one day he's gonna make it back to the big leagues and this time he's gettin' tenure.

God Over Djinn posted:

Yvonne, 20. Short, lots of dark curly hair, heavily pregnant. Perpetual scowl. Baseball cap, brim pulled down low. Was the only girl on her high school football team. Just dropped out of St. John's great books program to come back to the LGD, and she is not happy about it. She really thought she'd gotten out of this place, but Fate has a funny way of kicking you in the dick sometimes.

Broenheim posted:

Shannon is visiting Los Grano D'oro to see the festival held there every year. She's a twenty-something year old whose spending her you (and the rest of her parent's money) traveling the world, and she's already been to a good amount of places. She's young, but cautious, and tries her best to blend in with the crowd. She'd rather watch something from afar instead of getting involved.

D.O.G.O.G.B.Y.N. posted:

Mr. G is a former high school biology teacher in his early thirties who was forced into desperate measures (gov't cut funding, salaries got worse, society got worse). He now lives in a dingy two-room apartment growing transgenic marijuana (Shady Employer of Your Choice supplied him with a stolen gene gun, plus eventual maintenance). Said marijuana has a lot of THC (20% in the unprocessed plant), though it's flipsided by potential side-effects such as nearly fatal, minutes-long convulsive laughter episodes, or a 'lude-like laxing of bodily functions that's quite impossibilitating. Effects vary among users. Mr. G is a frail, very attentive, very nervous man, especially in the vicinity of Shady Employer's enforcers or other related crooks. He's paranoid of Shady Employer's activies and what they might mean to his own future.

WeLandedOnTheMoon! posted:

Taj "Coyotaje" Clinton is a tall, thin, and handsome man who is never caught without his Australian outback hat and aviator shades. When he was six, Taj started his smuggling career under the tutelage of his father. For the next twenty years, he smuggled narcotics and people across the Mexican boarder for the Los Zetas cartel. He eventually started using what he was smuggling, taking a cut here or there where the Zetas wouldn't notice. Someone did, because the last thing Taj remembers about his smuggling career is that night that when he was hauling cocaine and migrants through South Texas. The slapjack to the head. Waking up in the desert. Everything gone.

Taj knew that the Zetas would be looking for him, so he went into hiding and got sober, except for the two packs of cigarettes he smoked daily. He had a kid of his own, Melinda, and although the marriage was short, Taj was happy.

That was thirteen years ago.

Thirteen days ago, Taj received a call from a voice he knew, but didn't know. The Los Zetas have Melinda, but promised to keep her safe for fourteen days. They'd even forgive his debt, but after that, "there are no promises anymore." The only way Taj will ever see his daughter again is by apprehending the man known only as Domingo Silver and returning him to the Zetas. He's tracked Silver to Los Grano D'oro.

"Person for person," they promised, "on our honor."

He'll hold them to it.

Nikaer Drekin posted:

Madame Hyacinth, real name Harriet Dorsey, runs Madame Hyacinth's Cure-Alls and Curios, a squat little new-age store on one of the million street corners in Los Grano D'Oro. Now in her mid-fifties, she didn't come of age during the hippie-dippy era but still welcomes its spirit into almost every aspect of her life. That's not to say she's blissfully naive; her ex-husband is locked away and serving a life sentence, and she's had to run her shop alone as a result. When her store seemed to be bleeding money, she made a decision: she'd have to offer something more than incense sticks and chakra stones. Now, Cure-Alls and Curios doubles as a safe house where, for a reasonable fee, mobsters can hide drug stashes, weapons, and all manner of other criminal paraphernalia. Despite the risk involved, Hyacinth has been crafty enough to avoid detection so far. Of course, the fact that her twin brother is a police lieutenant probably means she could sweet-talk her way out of a bust if necessary.

Benny the Snake posted:

Todd Templeton, age 43. Profession: professional gambler. Which is just a euphamism for "Compulsive gambler with enough skill to keep himself out of bankruptcy". Losing at the blackjack tables at the El Diablito casino, Todd one day has a chance encounter with a lady in a red dress and a mysterious briefcase.

dmboogie posted:

Rose is an African-American woman in her late twenties, about 5'9 and in excellent physical condition. She has been staying in Los Grano D'oro for about a month at the behest of her employer, an infuriatingly cryptic organization known as "The Vermilion Moth". Rose's mission is to thwart the goals of her employer's rival, the similarly cryptic and presumably infuriating "The Turquoise Mantis". This takes the form of many things, whether that be moving a particular table in a particular cafe a couple inches to the right, or assassinating certain inconvenient people.

Rose prides herself on her professionalism, maintaining a calm and polite attitude whenever she's on the job. Off the clock, she tends to keep to herself. Lately, she has been having doubts about her line of work.

RunningIntoWalls posted:

Hello fellow entrepreneurs,

My name is Mr. Williams. I am the local owner of the billiard hall on Flower Hill Road past the florist on the corner of Flower and Barnacle Drive. I need someone to help recover my briefcase as something very important was in it. I last remember it being at the Sidewalk's End bar on the night of July 24th. All applicants will be paid on how fast the briefcase will be returned. Please don't open the briefcase, as you know what they say, "curiosity killed the cat". Please also be on your best behavior as the regulars don't appreciate their elderly host be smacked around. Happy hunting and I wish you a great day.

Signed,

Mr. Williams

Schneider Heim posted:

Bran Brahms (may or may not be his real name) is a fifty-something man who hangs out by the docks, teaching medieval weapon-fighting to a small community of LARPers. Carries a wooden sword, dispensing his own brand of justice on rowdy drunks at night. Dresses like it's a Renaissance Fair everyday. May or may not be right in the head, but he'll have your back.

Fuschia tude posted:

Issa Brückenau is a larger than life (in every sense) film magnate. He struck gold with a series of hits back in the 70s, before some high-profile flops in the 80s nearly shut him down. Though the studio subsists today by relentlessly exploiting its properties, Issa still sees entry to the big galas in town, usually showing up an hour late and already buzzed. He's somehow survived all this time without dying of a heart attack or alcohol poisoning; though he likes to play the fat bumbling oaf, his few friends know he has a kind of vicious cunning when he sees something he wants.

Ironic Twist posted:

Morris Aram is a homeless ex-standup comedian with a scraggly blonde beard who’s currently trying on alcoholism to see how well it fits. He left the business two years ago after clubs wouldn’t hire him because he pissed off a linchpin in the East Coast scene by telling her to “go buy a sex toy with a name that ends in –tron.” Has read the tattered copy of From Those Wonderful Folks Who Brought You Pearl Harbor he keeps in his back pocket fourteen times. Has fantasies of being a 70’s ad exec, living and dying by his wit and wordplay. Cannot be fake-nice to people he doesn’t like or respect. Came to Los Granos D’Oro because nobody knows who he is. Yet.

crabrock posted:

My character is a trash collector.

You don't know anything about him other than that though, because who knows anything about their trash collectors?

However, he may be seen around town/getting in the way/picking up the trash, but you don't talk to him and he doesn't talk to you.

He is average build/overweight, dirty, salt & peppered unkempt hair, gruff, and stinks to high hell when he's on the job.

Paladinus posted:

Meet a simple Polish locksmith Jacek Skwarek, age 32. He's visiting his nouveau riche of a childhood friend* who resides in an opulent penthouse right in the middle of the city's Soho. The two didn't see each other since uni, and learning about his mate's glamorous and adventurous lifestyle fills Jacek with remorse about his average uneventful life in Poland. Nevertheless, without much experience in traveling abroad and with little knowledge of foreign languages Jacek feels alien in Los Granos D'Oro and wouldn't even want to try his luck in exploring the city without a guide.

Jacek is reasonably thin and is always slouched standing at 6'5 (2 m). His shaved head complements an unmemorable face of a Slavic working man.

Nethilia posted:

“Candy” Ashley is about 18 years old and living in Los Grano D'oro because poo poo, it's there and she's there and she found a place.

She has heavy lidded olive-gray eyes, is tiny (about 5'2") with a sleek, slim build, and has pale skin that can let her pass as about four races/ethnicities, but especially black and Latina. Her silky, straight, jet black hair is worn in a high ponytail that reminds people of a flowing stream. Her street wear is weird enough to make someone do a double take but nothing overly flashy: dark grey tank, red mesh overshirt, blue jeans with black patches, big silver loop earrings, a red stone pendant, and grey sneakers. Unless she has her rollerblades on (which she always does on the streets) and those are black and red roller blades, the old 90s looking ones.

Her attitude in passing or quick views by others? She makes you think of a deadly, chaotic, unpredictable eel.

kurona_bright posted:

Ruth Lin is 21 years old, and wears her straight black hair in a ponytail. Completely blind without her glasses. Somewhat short and slightly overweight, she silently judges anybody who comments on it. Sticks to casual clothes in order to blend in with the crowd. Anybody who either manages to touch a nerve or mention photography, celebrities, or programming has their ear talked off.

She mans a cash register at a nearby hardware store while looking for a job that uses her newly-obtained community college degree. She hates the job, but is good at hiding it.

Her main hobby is street photography, and she has absolutely no qualms about possible invasions of privacy. Has become proficient at hiding her printed porny romance novels from her fellow bus passengers.

Fumblemouse posted:

Austin Stevens is a dirty, smelly, washed up wreck of a man who panhandles on streetcorners. He has a seemingly endless collection of Apocalyptic signs, warning of the end of the world, the coming of the beast, the fall of Babylon etc. Every single one of them is lettered with exquisite calligraphy.

If you ever see him standing up rather than hunched beside a wall, bottle beside him and rambling almost incomprehensibly, you will discover he is infeasibly tall. He does not write personal ads - but he does clip interesting ones from the personals section of the city's last remaining newspaper after he's finished sleeping under it.

Anomalous Blowout posted:

Adelmo Concepción is a quiet man with a disposition that leans toward cheerful. He's a native of Los Grano D'oro, getting into his fifties, and for twenty some-odd years in his youth, he was curator of La Galería Sinsonte. He ran the Galería with his high school sweetheart, Carminda, who was the artistic brains behind the operation. They married in their late teens and he happily sold Carminda's work into their middle years. He was forced to close the Galería when his wife fell ill, and after nursing her through a slow and agonising death at the hands of kidney failure, he was left to raise their daughter alone.

Adelmo presently works as a cab driver, and since he works nights on weekends, the pay is usually enough. But he's just found out that little Rosalinde has been accepted into a prestigious arts school. How is he going to afford tuition?

PoshAlligator posted:

Kurt Geyser is a failing stand-up comedian whose life has gone downhill ever since he left his cosy, secure gig as an entertainer at a middling holiday park on the coast of Devon. He thought he was on the up and up after his agent booked him a gig headlining at the Los Grano D'oro Improv, but as he got off the aeroplane and checking his phone it turned out he had mistakenly been booked instead of Burt Geyser, a regular on UK comedy panels shows. He's now replacing Kurt at the Improv, but the comedy club has been kind of enough to let Kurt keep the hotel room for the few days he had been booked. He decides to stay on and check out Los Grano D'oro, the furthest away from home he's ever been. Maybe he can find somewhere to network or hit up a couple of open mics. Maybe he can just enjoy himself for the time in forever.

Phobia posted:

Alyssa, 19 years old. Sits at 5'3, with a beefy build and deathly pale skin. She has dull brown eyes with heavy bags underneath, a big pugdog nose, and short, curly brown hair. Her clothes are nothing to really write home about : a baggy red hoodie, white undershirt stained with Los Grano D'oro's equivalent of buffalo sauce, baggy jeans and white sneakers.

Complete loser who works as a programmer who contracts out from her basement. The type of person who posts on the Los Grano D'oro's equivalent of Troper Tales, complaining about why she has no friends and why boys don't like her and 'oh people are so annoying right?'. She always speaks in monotone like she has a perpetual eyeroll going on and uses big words that she clearly does not understand. Considers herself asexual except for mack truck drivers who just so happen to be her fetish, along with boys with glasses and redheaded roller derby girls. She also keeps a folding Karambit in her back pocket.

Tyrannosaurus posted:

Given that Los Grano D’Oro is a place "halfway between Hong Kong and Los Angeles" it’s no surprise that there is a large islander community in the city. Some cities might have a Little Italy. The LGD has Polyside. And Polyside has a little bit of everything. Samoans, Tongans, Filipinos, Micronesians. A thousand different peoples and a thousand different languages and a thousand different problems.

Zeke Taukave immigrated with his family from Fiji when he was just a baby. Fast forward a couple years and all of a sudden that little baby has become a big dude. And I do mean big. Built like a mix between a pro football player and an 18-wheeler. Lots of dark, curly hair that he keeps tied back in a ponytail. Heavily tattooed. He played football in highschool until he was arrested and dropped out. Now, free of the education system, he works as a bouncer and sells prescription pills and occasionally gets his hand dirty.

King Cohort posted:

Kendrick Morris is a forty-something stick-thin African-American man with a scraggly beard and a ratty coat. He's not homeless, but he's not far from it, either. He pays for his apartment by performing marriages on the cheap, and hearing and absolving confessions once in a while. Sometimes people can't get married the right proper movie way, for one reason or another, and Kendrick's happy to do what he can for those people. Ditto with the folks who've got secrets weighing heavy on their hearts; Lord knows there's plenty of them. Life isn't much like the movies, he hates having to tell his patrons, whether they be an interracial couple about to elope or a teenaged murderer with an attack of conscience. Growing up in Los Grano D'oro is enough to tell most folks that, but a lot of the time they don't really learn it until it's already too late. He knows he didn't.

He's still licensed to marry, and he's still technically a Catholic priest, although he separated from the church a couple years back because of certain ideological differences. What matters, though, is that he's still faithful. His most prized possession is his cassock, a far cry from his street clothes, tucked away in his closet for the times when it's needed.

QuoProQuid posted:

Sister Karen Retinger is an assistant to the Promoter of the Faith, responsible for disproving miracles and so-called prophets. Prim, proper, and highly educated, Sister Karen is a terrifying theological powerhouse determined to achieve sainthood. Her only problems: a sense of skepticism that stretches far beyond the bounds of acceptability and a volatile personality that leaves other people feeling uncomfortable. She loathes having to ask others for help and will often make tasks needlessly complicated to impress her opponents.

Entenzahn posted:

Ray 'Mopey' Dope - Used to be part of the Los Grano D'Oro police department. More or less forced into corruption, then fired for getting caught. Now works odd jobs for independent clients and the mob. He likes to whine about his life sometimes, but mostly he doesn't give a poo poo anymore. Loves a good bottle of Jack, but can't actually tell a good one from a bad one, he's just being a pretentious douche. He's got a beretta that he's decent with, and is more cunning than he looks. He's overweight, in his mid-thirties and wears a trenchcoat, because noir.

Don Raúl - Mexican kingpin and leader of the Locos, a criminal outfit in Los Grano D'Oro that literally consists of crazy people. A businessman at heart, he believes in a free black market and always provides reliable payment to his subjects, in gold, unless he can weasel his way out of a contract and blame it on the invisible hand. He's kind of racist, definitely insane and an utter megalomaniac, or as he likes to call it: megalomexican.

Djeser posted:

Hi my name is Jackie Lawson and I'm in the sixth grade. My favorite things to do are practicing tai kwon do, doing sparring, and watching fighting movies. My favorite movie/TV show is Kung Fu Panda. What I'm doing over vacation this year is Going to Los Grandos Dorito because there's a big exhibition I got invited to. I'm really looking forward to it because I'm going to stay in a cool casino and my dad lets me come with him all around town and I can watch him play the card games because I'm good at black Jack.

Jackie (Jacquelyn) Lawson: a ten-year-old bundle of hyperactive rear end-kicking in a taikwondo gi and a pink flower-patterned backpack. She wants her life to be a Jackie Chan movie, and she has one hell of a front-kick.

Sitting Here posted:

Goldie Lockeless is just one of the many names the mysterious dame with an agenda goes by. She can be whoever and whatever it takes to secure the future of the briefcase. Her motives may be noble, they may be sinister; the only certainty is that they are inscrutable.

She seems to have an aversion to controlling the case herself, preferring to manipulate others into doing the dirty work of passing it from hand to hand. Her contacts range from the dregs of the criminal underworld to the pinnacles of the political elite. It is rumored that she has a history of looting the collections of rich, eclectic hoarders, but that's probably just hearsay.

She enjoys long conversations in dingy locations, furtive looks, and veiled implications. She's got legs for days and often favors some variety of short skirt/long jacket combo. She's a blond bombshell, when she's not busy playing the smoldering redhead or the seductive brunette.

Currently, she's seeking an accomplice to her schemes. Must be willing to get double crossed, betrayed, abandoned, titillated. Must be willing to exposit via pillow talk. Preferably, they would brood over her long after she's slipped out of their life and back into the shadows from whence she came.

It's very likely that anyone involved with the briefcase will become involved with Goldie, AKA whoever.

Bad Seafood posted:

Adrian Stepwater has never been much of a people person. A former cop turned private investigator, he lives by himself in a modest apartment where he lavishes affection on his windowsill garden. Surprisingly articulate, he disapproves of swearing and is prone to long, rambling conversations - just not with other people. Perpetually tired and vaguely irritated, there isn't much color in his life. Just his flowers and his trademark red jacket.

But even a man like Adrian can't work alone. His darling Elizabeth is ever at his side, a magnum revolver he inherited from his father. He calls her Elizabeth because he considers it a classy woman's name. He always refers to her as though she were a person.

In truth, Adrian couldn't care less about the case, but he's got a hunch it's the ticket he needs to blow the forces that lurk beneath Los Grano D'oro wide open. But whatever you do, don't call him a hero. He's not doing it for you. He's doing it for the houseplants.

Fanky Malloons posted:

Rajitha "Raj" Singh:
Thought to be a runaway. Approximately 17 years of age. One of the oldest members of La Niñas and de facto leader. Protects La Niñas territory and members with a viciousness that borders on psychopathy. Extremely intelligent and does not seem to fear police (or anybody else). Often hides razor blades in her hair. Known arsonist. Thought to have masterminded the Jinggouzi Warehouse fire and is a person of interest in multiple gang-related assaults.

Hanan Salumeh:
Approximately 15 years of age, thought to have been disowned by family. Known to work as thief- and spy-for-hire for other criminal elements in Los Grano D'Oro, and is frequently seen in the company of Stavros Arvanatis and/or his underlings. Thought to be a major player in the recent Jewishtown robberies. Keeps numerous weapons hidden within her abaya and uses them without prejudice. Consider armed and dangerous.

"Honey":
Real name unknown First name may be Rae or Rachel. Origins unknown. Appears to be a young teenager but may be as old as 20. Often seen wearing pigtails and/or ribbons in her hair, and a navy blue dress that resembles a sailor outfit. Frequents ports of entry to Los Grano D'Oro where she runs extortion scams aimed at men who mistake her for a much younger child. Usually accompanied by Xixi Fang.

Xixi Fang:
17 years of age. Former child prostitute taken in by La Niñas when her pimp was found dead under suspicious circumstances (note: this is still an open, unsolved case). Usually seen in the company of the individual known as Honey, acting as an enforcer in her extortion scams. Does not appear to speak English, though it is suspected that this may be an act.

Georgette:
Congolese refugee. Last name unknown. Appears to be a recent addition to La Niñas. Seems to be around 14 years of age but may be significantly older and suffering the effects of chronic malnutrition. Frequently seen in Chinatown, where she may meet with Hin Yan Duchene (unconfirmed). Reported by various criminal informants and law enforcement personnel to be an extremely proficient Bokor. Officers are reminded that the effects of any curses laid upon them by this individual are purely psychological and are therefore to be ignored.

DuckyB posted:

New meat, reporting In.

Phobia posted:

Can we submit more than one character into this pool? A character other than the POV in so-and-so's story?

Phobia posted:

Phobia dropped his bag with a thud and yelled towards DuckyB's ball pit. "YO SHITHEAD!"