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  • Locked thread
Blade_of_tyshalle
Jul 12, 2009

If you think that, along the way, you're not going to fail... you're blind.

There's no one I've ever met, no matter how successful they are, who hasn't said they had their failures along the way.



crabrock posted:

500 words describing the shaft of a howitzer

Oooh, yeah. Talk dirty to me :heysexy:

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flerp
Feb 25, 2014

I DON'T ALWAYS
HERDY DUR MUR FLERP FLERPITY
FLOOPIN
BUT WHEN I DO
I YER DER FLERPITY
THURN DER DERMIN
BORK! BORK! BORK!







In

leekster
Jun 20, 2013


I'm in.

Meinberg
Oct 9, 2011


In like a thing that rhymes with "in"

a new study bible!
Feb 1, 2009



BIG DICK NICK
A Philadelphia Legend
Fly Eagles Fly



Signing up to fight in this glorious war.

Gau
Nov 18, 2003

I don't think you understand, Gau.


Death to the opposition!

DuckyB
Jun 27, 2014

Gentlemen.


Shrink. I wanna kill.

Count me in.

QuoProQuid
Jan 12, 2012

Tr*ckin' and F*ckin' all the way to tha
T O P



I'm :toxx:ing in this round.

Mercedes
Mar 7, 2006

"So you Jesus?"

"And you black?"

"Nigga prove it!"

And so Black Jesus turned water into a bucket of chicken. And He saw that it was good.






Mercedes posted:

Elementary Story Power Hour

Sebmojito


Djester


2000 words. One week. Young adult popcorn reads. I'm a child, entertain me. Go!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AWnN_PbhEus

If you want a written crit, I can do that, just know it'll take awhile. Started a new job with a new menu and blah blah blah.

Mercedes
Mar 7, 2006

"So you Jesus?"

"And you black?"

"Nigga prove it!"

And so Black Jesus turned water into a bucket of chicken. And He saw that it was good.






Sign me up crabrock. It's time to crush some heads!

crabrock
Aug 2, 2002


Updated the roster. YOU ARE NOT PAIRED UP YET. THAT WILL HAPPEN FRIDAY AFTER SIGNUPS CLOSE.

Grizzled Patriarch posted:

Haha awesome. In.





LOU BEGAS MUSTACHE posted:

im in, this is my first time doin' one of these.



Nikaer Drekin posted:

In and ready to go into battle.





Meinberg posted:

In like a thing that rhymes with "in"



WeLandedOnTheMoon! posted:

Signing up to fight in this glorious war.



Gau posted:

Death to the opposition!



DuckyB posted:

Shrink. I wanna kill.

Count me in.



QuoProQuid posted:

I'm :toxx:ing in this round.


Noah
May 31, 2011

Come at me baby bitch


Would you have really not put me on Team Ock?

crabrock
Aug 2, 2002


:)

dmboogie
Oct 4, 2013



In!

sebmojo
Oct 23, 2010


Legit Cyberpunk







Mercedes posted:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AWnN_PbhEus

If you want a written crit, I can do that, just know it'll take awhile. Started a new job with a new menu and blah blah blah.

Thanks Merc, and Djeser: good brawl.

Djeser
Mar 22, 2013


it's crow time again



sebmojo posted:

Thanks Merc, and Djeser: good brawl.

I have lost! My perfect record! :ohdear: But it was to a more-than-worthy opponent. Good fite, all.

If anyone wants to try to take me down get me back up to 75% win/loss on brawls, I'm ready to fite u.

Gau
Nov 18, 2003

I don't think you understand, Gau.


Bad Seafood posted:

As per Muffin's request that all brawls be pushed back a week, he has an additional week to make good on his somber submission. Since it is technically Saturday at the time of this post and I'm too tired to dig around for whatever the original due date was, we'll just say he has until next Saturday, July 5th.

Since Cache Cab has apparently vanished from the forums instead of face me and my storytime might, do I get a win by default? I would like to humbly request a crit, as I'm rather proud of the story I wrote and nothing would make me happier than to have it torn to shreds and then have you arrange the shreds in an effigy of Gau and then light the effigy on fire while making disparaging comments about my parentage and body odor.

That said,


Djeser posted:

I have lost! My perfect record! :ohdear: But it was to a more-than-worthy opponent. Good fite, all.

If anyone wants to try to take me down get me back up to 75% win/loss on brawls, I'm ready to fite u.

I'm sowwy, are woo a widdle cwy babby? Did oo wooze?



For shame, son. Defend yourself or surrender your honor!

Mercedes
Mar 7, 2006

"So you Jesus?"

"And you black?"

"Nigga prove it!"

And so Black Jesus turned water into a bucket of chicken. And He saw that it was good.






Mojo, I highly recommend trying to get that story published somewhere. I think it was that good.

anime was right
Jun 27, 2008

death is certain
keep yr cool


i dont know what those stats are or why my name is pink, but i enjoy the mystery.

Phobia
Apr 25, 2011

I'm a suave detective with a heart of gold in hot pursuit of the malevolent, manipulative
MIAMI MUTILATOR
and the deranged degenerates who only want their
15 MINUTES OF FAME.


OCK.


Okay I'm in.

Also, someone fite me.

LOU BEGAS MUSTACHE posted:

i dont know what those stats are or why my name is pink, but i enjoy the mystery.

It's cuz you and Ducky are basic baby bitches.

Phobia fucked around with this message at 00:09 on Jul 8, 2014

Genetic Toaster
Jun 5, 2011



I'm in.

PootieTang
Aug 2, 2011

by XyloJW


IN with a :toxx:

Thalamas
Dec 5, 2003

Sup?

Gau posted:

nothing would make me happier than to have it torn to shreds and then have you arrange the shreds in an effigy of Gau and then light the effigy on fire while making disparaging comments about my parentage and body odor.
Your wish is my command!

Final crit forthcoming (American Ninja Warrior is on tonight, so most likely tomorrow).

edit: No crit for you until after judgement.

Thalamas fucked around with this message at 02:23 on Jul 8, 2014

Djeser
Mar 22, 2013


it's crow time again



Gau posted:

I'm sowwy, are woo a widdle cwy babby? Did oo wooze?



For shame, son. Defend yourself or surrender your honor!


Phobia posted:

Okay I'm in.

Also, someone fite me.

will fite either/both of you

Phobia
Apr 25, 2011

I'm a suave detective with a heart of gold in hot pursuit of the malevolent, manipulative
MIAMI MUTILATOR
and the deranged degenerates who only want their
15 MINUTES OF FAME.


OCK.


Djeser posted:

will fite either/both of you
Man, I'll fite both of u. That's how I roll.

Searching Jeff The Hedgehog on Google Images, a Haiku
14 words

On Google I type
"Jeff The Hedgehog", with SafeSearch off.
The laughter won't stop.

Gau
Nov 18, 2003

I don't think you understand, Gau.


So in for a three-way. After all, that's the golden rule.

Djeser
Mar 22, 2013


it's crow time again



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0PvW6T-Xmqw

Cache Cab
Feb 21, 2014


Bad Seafood posted:

:siren: Cash Grab :siren:

Sometimes you lay everything on the line for a good cause only to get burnt. Sometimes taking the high road means getting dragged through the gutters. It's not always easy to do the right thing, and right now I feel like reading something that reflects that.

Cache Cab and Gau, the two of you have seven days and a thousand words to write about someone who wins a moral victory at the expense of a material one. I want stories about someone who does the unambiguously right thing and suffers for it. I want stories about the right thing being the hardest thing, but our heroes do it anyway 'cause that's the stuff they're made of.

Additionally, your stories may not feature any kind of cosmic, karmic, social, or otherwise thematic comeuppance directed towards the forces aligned against your protagonists. Ken Levine lied to you. Sometimes the bad guy wins. Sometimes they get away with everything. This isn't about who wins and who loses, it's about how you play the game. And with a thousand words to play with, you'd better believe I want a complete narrative arc; real characters with meat on their bones. No caricatures. No clown shoes. That goes for the good guys as well as the bad.

Sorry, I thought I would be able to post but then the forums went down, and then I was busy with my custody hearing (I won! most of the things anyways).

Here is my story:

Title: Playing Dirty and Getting Away With It
word count: 917

James had been on track for a political career since he was in diapers, kissing other babies and posing for photo ops. He'd been class president since third grade, a member of the model U.N., on the debate team, and spent all of his time not studying racking up the volunteer hours at various political offices around town.

He wanted the Senate seat more than anybody he knew, and everybody assumed he'd get it too.

James filed his paperwork on the first day he could, and spent 364 days waiting for an opponent to show up. None did.

It was the deadline for filing an intent to run, and James stopped by the courthouse half an hour before 5:00, and saw only an empty queue.

"Congratulations to me!" He said, and turned to leave.

He nearly bumped into a man he'd describe as a hillbilly.

"Watch where I'm going ya phony!"

"Excuse me. But that is very rude."

"Yeah well I gotta turn in my application before five," said the gruff malcontent.

James felt a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach, but had to ask. "What are you running for?"

"Congress. Senate, I think. Some people back at my commune thought I'd do a bang up job. Better than the other guy. Fuckin' nutjob."

"Oh, I'm the only other person running."

"Ah poo poo."

"Nothing personal though, right?"

"Whatever."

The surly hippie pushed past James and turned in his application. On his way out, he bumped into James's shoulder.

"Fuckin' Tea Party rear end in a top hat," the vile man muttered as James struggled with what to do. All of his political career had been niceties and cordial disagreement.

"See you on the campaign trail!" James called after him, but the man replied by sticking up his middle finger.

The attack ads started the next day.

"James Grovin eats GMOs." Said the voice over as a picture of sad children and farmers panned across the screen, and ended with a particularly unflattering closeup of James eating an apple.

Another one posted during his favorite show: "James Grovin is part of the broken system that got us into this mess in the first place the first place."

James didn't even know what "mess" his opponent was referring to. His advisors advised him to hit back fast and hard. He had the name recognition, the donor base to support a relentless barrage of television and radio ads, and the clean-cut look that made senators. Bit James refused. Politics was already too dirty, and what people really wanted was an honest, civil show and they would reward him for not stopping to that level.

"Mr. Grovin, is it true that you spent $500 on your haircut?" Asked a reporter at his next event.

"What? No! I want to talk about immigration reform..."

"What about accusations that you didn't graduate from college, that you faked your degree?"

"Um, I will not respond to these type of baseless allegations."

"Do you don't deny it?"

"Of course I do! "

"Can you provide proof?"

"I do not believe that is relevant."

The crowd rose to a murmur. James have turned red and he spent the next 10 minutes trying to steer the session back toward policy, but the reporters literally kept throwing questions in his face.

James's poll numbers plummeted under the onslaught from his unknown challenger. On the night of the final debate before the polls opened, they were statistically tied.

James, true to his word, took the higher road and kept his ads about policy and not attacking falsehoods or conjecture.

He looked at his opponent at the other podium with pity. The man had resorted to lies and fear. He was lost, and needed spiritual help. While the man recited his opening monologue, James said a prayer for the man in his heart, that after this was over, the man would find the salvation he so obviously needed. He was snapped out of his musings by the voice of the moderator.

"Mr. Grovin, do you have a response?"

"Um, sorry, can you repeat the question?"

The audience snickered.

"Your opponent says he has a woman that is ready to come forward and admit she had an affair with you, but wanted to give you the opportunity to come clean to the American people first. Right here on stage. Would you like to apologize?"

"No! Wait, what? I never had an affair!"

He looked over to his wife, tears streamed down her face. "Honestly, I love you so much, this is preposterous."

"So are you calling him a liar?"

James sweated profusely and fumbled with his microphone. He swore not to stoop to their level, to sling names and get down in the muck. He wouldn’t falter now, especially in front of the American people at home. Little kids who were watching him at home and would one day grow up to be politicians of their own.

“I believe somebody is pulling his leg,” James finally said, and the crowd, and even the moderator, laughed at his old-fashioned sensitivities.

The next day when the polls closed, James had lost by a wide margin. His wife left him for the reporter that broke the “scandal,” and his opponent went on to be elected President. James got a job at the local library, where he greeted every person who came in with a genuine smile. Everybody thought he was retarded, so they treated him kindly.

James was proud of himself, even if nobody else was.

Kalyco
Apr 4, 2013


In for the battle!

Gau
Nov 18, 2003

I don't think you understand, Gau.


Gau posted:

So in for a three-way. After all, that's the golden rule.

Phobia posted:

Man, I'll fite both of u. That's how I roll.

Djeser posted:

will fite either/both of you

Who wants to judge this fucker?

Teddybear
May 16, 2009

Look! A teddybear doll!
It's soooo cute!




Eh, why not. I'm in.

Thalamas
Dec 5, 2003

Sup?

Damnit.

Lily Catts
Oct 17, 2012

Show me the way to you
(Heavy Metal)


Gau posted:

Who wants to judge this fucker?

I will judge this. Prompt to follow within a few hours.

crabrock
Aug 2, 2002


Schneider Heim posted:

I will judge this. Prompt to follow within a few hours.

Thanks Helms

Lily Catts
Oct 17, 2012

Show me the way to you
(Heavy Metal)


:siren: Gau-Phobia-Djeser Triple Threat Brawl :siren:

Since you're all hardcore and want to fight two people at a time, I'll give you that.

Write a story about three characters who fight/argue/compete for something important. Only one of them gets it. No compromises. You have up to 1800 words.

Guidelines (so that we're clear on what I'd like to see):
- Write about the characters, not the thing. The thing's not as important.
- All your characters must have a legit claim to the McGuffin. Don't just focus on one and make strawmen out of the other two. (You can use one of them as a limited POV, but as much as possible don't rig the scales to their favor)
- Try to make everyone likable--there should be no obvious villains.

No fantasy/sci-fi. As usual, don't write fanfic or erotica.

Deadline: July 16, Wednesday 8 AM :siren: Greenwich Mean Time :siren:

Teddybear
May 16, 2009

Look! A teddybear doll!
It's soooo cute!




crabrock posted:

Thanks Helms

While I'm thinking about it what's the legend on the roster screen you put up? The dots and colors and stuff.

a new study bible!
Feb 1, 2009



BIG DICK NICK
A Philadelphia Legend
Fly Eagles Fly



Teddybear posted:

While I'm thinking about it what's the legend on the roster screen you put up? The dots and colors and stuff.

Wins, losses, HMs, DMs

sebmojo
Oct 23, 2010


Legit Cyberpunk







Teddybear posted:

While I'm thinking about it what's the legend on the roster screen you put up? The dots and colors and stuff.

It is a marker to remind crabrock how much he hates us all.

Gau
Nov 18, 2003

I don't think you understand, Gau.


This is going to be an awesome brawl.

Speaking of, I think it would be incredibly relevant to include each team's overall brawl record on that delightful scorecard.

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crabrock
Aug 2, 2002


Teddybear posted:

While I'm thinking about it what's the legend on the roster screen you put up? The dots and colors and stuff.

http://writocracy.com/thunderdome/?week=90

They represent the tally of wins (green), honorable mentions (blue), losses (red), and dishonorable mentions (brown) earned by that team over the course of their Thunderdome career. I'm attempting to balance the teams so that one isn't stacked with all the previous winners, and one with all the losers. The "stats" is how it measures up right now.

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