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Paladinus posted:Fire That Burns. SurreptitiousMuffin fucked around with this message at 09:47 on Jul 14, 2014 |
# ? Jul 14, 2014 09:42 |
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# ? Dec 10, 2024 12:21 |
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SurreptitiousMuffin posted:Приемлемый эта As God is my witness, Muffin, if I didn't know any better, I'd totally call you out on your lovely attempt at Russian.
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# ? Jul 14, 2014 12:01 |
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I am doing crits in google docs. The scores are initial impressions and are subject to change based on how good/bad everything is. Winners/losers for each brawl will be decided based on all three judges, so even if the score you see on here beats your opponent, don't assume you won! https://docs.google.com/document/d/14QA8e88tjWeTNhRp22LgQ-k0WJmwh0fp7yWU4zvwc1w/edit
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# ? Jul 14, 2014 12:24 |
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systran posted:I am doing crits in google docs. The scores are initial impressions and are subject to change based on how good/bad everything is. Winners/losers for each brawl will be decided based on all three judges, so even if the score you see on here beats your opponent, don't assume you won! I'm also judging this week and will also be working on them in a Google Doc throughout the day. However, while I have an idea of the scores while writing, I will not be releasing any of them publicly until I've read all the stories. However you'll probably get a good sense based on what I've written about them. https://docs.google.com/document/d/1PqdK4RQMQ1lht3I7YthOmpEljJbAc7IMIr1q6MPjwBk/edit?usp=sharing
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# ? Jul 14, 2014 13:07 |
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I just want to say that you guys are awesome for releasing this stuff in real time.
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# ? Jul 14, 2014 13:40 |
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leekster didn't post his story in time, so he fails. No loving extensions. I gave one to one person who posted before the deadline because i wanted everybody to have a brawl partner, but luckily all the people who failed to submit were against each other. I guess i paired them up really well. You should still submit, but you are disqualified from this round.
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# ? Jul 14, 2014 15:31 |
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Thanks for the critiques, you two are very quick. My opponent never showed, such a shame
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# ? Jul 14, 2014 15:58 |
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Number 36 posted:Thanks for the critiques, you two are very quick. You are fighting Anomalous Blowout now, one of the Mercenaries that your team so graciously hired. here's my crit document, and i'm also leaving the scores out until the end. https://docs.google.com/document/d/14gmKdangepmFoLqIK8voiPTkCu6BTKYnWDUctASPkUY/edit?usp=sharing crabrock fucked around with this message at 16:12 on Jul 14, 2014 |
# ? Jul 14, 2014 16:10 |
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WHERE IS BEAR STORY. СУКИ! ИДИОТЫ! НЕ НА ХУЙ!
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# ? Jul 14, 2014 16:15 |
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Breaking and Entering (100) As soon as we saw the open door, we knew something was amiss. A broken chair and trudge up the stairs later, Junior found the girl in his bed. She was out cold and snoring--snoring!--with the cream from his breakfast porridge still on her pink lips, the bedsheets mussed under her stocking feet. The story says she woke up, saw our family, and screamed and ran off. But the truth is that a growing cub needs his food and small children are very easily stopped with a paw swipe. We made sure Junior didn't go without his breakfast.
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# ? Jul 14, 2014 18:15 |
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This was the prompt:Tyrannosaurus posted:A Song of Natty Ice and Fire Both of you embraced stereotypes instead of avoiding them. Both of you wrote "funny" entries that didn't super amuse me. Seafood wrote about a couple assholes destroying aliens with rock'n'roll. Muffin reskinned a goofy pool party noodle fight into Homer's The Trojan War. Seafood gave me a better fight against evil. Muffin gave me better heroes. Here are my notes https://docs.google.com/document/d/1qq-t5TEo2cF40P8KfOAYM8SKmRpMYgWMHCGYgZBWhQs/edit?usp=sharing Here is my judgement Muffin wins
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# ? Jul 14, 2014 20:22 |
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Looks like it's time for a brawl results double feature. Or triple feature I guess since T-rex posted while I had this tab open. Cash Grab Gau posted:A Reward for the Righteous Cache Cab posted:Title: Playing Dirty and Getting Away With It Cache Cab's James Grovin is an idiot. What's more, he's a dull idiot. A dull idiot not one of his presumably many friends is willing to defend against slander, though why even bother if he won't defend himself? Dispelling lies with proof isn't taking the low road, nor is calling a liar a liar. Speaking of liars, yours is nothing but. He's cartoonishly evil, his platform is nonexistent beyond badmouthing his competitors. A joyless read, all around. Gau's Isaac fairs a bit better, though in a few ways that's strictly a comparative statement. He certainly picked an odd line of work for man who refuses to kill even in self-defense (or hypothetically in defense of another). Not even willing to shoot to wound - though apparently fine with putting things out of their misery. It could be argued he's about as much an idiot as Cache Cab's senator, but the key difference here is he's actually a person. A person with standards and convictions believably at cross-purposes. We don't know enough about his quarry to say the same - whether he's a person or not - but we know just enough to imagine there's more to his story. Writing-wise, Gau still has Cache Cab beat. Cache Cab's prose is competent but does nothing to salvage his thoroughly dull characters. You could gut half this story's word count and lose nothing. Gau's prose, meanwhile, sets up a lot of powerful details in a short amount of time. The opening in particular. It's a very respectable piece. Gau wins, if you didn't guess that already. Stone cold. The Boys in Black and Blue Mercedes posted:Lady Luck: The Fickle One Nethilia posted:Iron Walls Mercedes' action-packed submission hit a lot of high notes. His heroes are heroes, but also still flawed. His protagonist McCallister steals the whole show. Unfortunately for Mercedes, stealing is a crime. A buddy cop routine is a two-man gig. Brennen gets lip service. He's barely consequential. There's also the white cop black cop dynamic, which you don't really capitalize on. Neither character's ethnic background matters. There's no ethnic border they help each other over. Back at the Batcave, Nethilia actually took a big risk in going for a slow burn. Buddy cop stories are typically flanked by big action, and while a quiet simmer is usually more my thing, I was a little disappointed that you didn't let your hair down and get wild. Your story ends up being more of a pressure cooker than an explosion, its meat and potatoes drenched in exposition gravy. Negatives aside, however, your partners work well together. They both have ethnic identities that define them without dominating them, and overcome their differences to become a killer team. Picking a favorite here is difficult. Merc's story nails the spirit of the genre, but Neth gets closer to the nature of its heart. Merc's story is a lit fuse while Neth's is a calculated boil. As harsh as it is, I have to give it to Neth.
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# ? Jul 14, 2014 22:37 |
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duckyb's crit is now added to my googledoc since I overlooked his/her entry before. also is synirc/mibbit not working for anyone else, cause I haven't been able to connect for the past day or two. angel opportunity fucked around with this message at 23:30 on Jul 14, 2014 |
# ? Jul 14, 2014 23:26 |
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systran posted:
Not working here either. I downloaded hexchat and had to reteach myself to IRC.
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# ? Jul 14, 2014 23:34 |
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Last crit for GauGau posted:A Reward for the Righteous (810 words) Said the words? What words?!? Your title and first line combination are interesting, but nothing happens in the first paragraph. You make up for this throughout the story by creating a classic western setting, a pair of believable characters, and a story with no major flaws. You fulfill the prompt admirably; a bad man not only wins, he gets a drat fine horse in the bargain. Poor Isaac becomes another sacrifice on the altar of the Lord. It’s eminently believable with some good imagery throughout (Harcourt as a dust cloud/shadow, Isaac as an avalanche). That said, if we’re talking Ten Commandments, there is specifically no prohibition on killing people who have committed certain crimes (i.e., murder). Additionally, since the reward (issued by a judge) states it can be fulfilled even if the killer is dead, the marshal appears to authorized to execute the killer if necessary. As a result, the moral victory is slightly hollow to me. Change those two things and this would have a much better punch. I have an exercise for you. Go through the story, find the word “was” throughout the narrative, and reword the sentences so that it is no longer there. It’s not always better, but it certainly is most of the time. Less passive, more active.
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# ? Jul 15, 2014 00:43 |
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RESULTS FOR THUNDERDOME 101 TEAM OCK wins by a loving landslide. Jeebus. 7-4. It's like Brazil vs. Germany all over again. I don't feel like writing up a bunch of fancy poo poo so i'm just going to lay this poo poo out: Winner: Tyrannosaurus. You have a very interesting story that I would like to read more of. It wasn't perfect, but it was entertaining, not about some dead brother/sister/lover, and made me actually care what happened to the character. Honorable Mentions: Ironic Twist, Sitting Here, God Over Djinn, Noah Loser: Jesus Christ Mercedes. What the hell were you thinking? You submitted a paltry 450 words that were laden with racism and not-funny jokes. Furthermore, it was about a divorce. You were the only person that didn't even PRETEND to make it war themed. You know I don't really find this "wacky" poo poo funny, and I know you're capable of writing a decent story. This just seemed rushed and "ha ha, look at me!" maybe riding the high of getting that green next to your name this week made you forget this is still a writing contest where you need to try! DMs: Fuschia tude, PootieTang Overall the quality of this week was about average. Nothing really made me super angry, so that's a collective victory for Thunderdome in general. Sound the prompt horn. crabrock fucked around with this message at 08:11 on Jul 15, 2014 |
# ? Jul 15, 2014 02:05 |
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i am genuinely surprised i did even close to that good was expecting to get creamed
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# ? Jul 15, 2014 02:13 |
Proooooooompt! Go Team OCK!
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# ? Jul 15, 2014 02:16 |
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team sun our finest hour is yet to come
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# ? Jul 15, 2014 02:17 |
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FUSCHIA TUDE I'M CALLING YOU OUT, BRAWL ME IF YOU DARE Let's face it, neither of us put our best work forward this week. In fact let's be brutally honest, we both submitted turds. It's just as a superior being, my turds are clearly better than yours. And you had to go and smack talk before hand, so I'm not gonna let you walk away with just that minor beating. Plus I love Chinese historical war style poo poo, so your obvious place-holder entry is doubly insulting. You and me, mano-a-mano, for real this time. P.S. PootieTang fucked around with this message at 02:47 on Jul 15, 2014 |
# ? Jul 15, 2014 02:25 |
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OOOOOCKKK ALSO
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# ? Jul 15, 2014 02:36 |
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Sithsaber posted:You silenced my urge to scream, "death to nazis!" I don't know whether to applaud or report you to Uncle Sam. I'll just applaud. Oh, thanks very much brosef! ALSO. Since I'll have some free time tomorrow, I'll crit three stories from the losing team this week. That isn't a stab at the losers, unless you are one of said losers, then it is totally a stab, get on my level. EDIT: Except for Ducky, who somehow beat Sebmojo. I didn't even see that coming. Nice going wes. Phobia fucked around with this message at 02:40 on Jul 15, 2014 |
# ? Jul 15, 2014 02:37 |
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OCK OCK BABY it's so fitting that a dinosaur won
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# ? Jul 15, 2014 02:43 |
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y'all dickheads are welcome. lets brawl.
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# ? Jul 15, 2014 03:07 |
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THUNDERDOME CII: B-I-N-G-O Last week sure was rough, huh? Stressful, am I right? I’m right. I’m always right. Well, let’s maybe relax a little. Maybe spike our tea with some vodka. Maybe have a some fun. You wanna have fun? Great! Come on down to-- Sign up and I’ll give you a bingo board. Check off five elements in a row (diagonals count) and submit your story. This shouldn’t be complicated. You fuckers should have all played bingo before. If you are wondering what the word list consists of I have been asking people I respect as writers to self-report recurring themes and common elements of their works. If I didn’t ask you, it means I think you suck <3 <3 jk someone probably analyzed your previous entries for you. Feel free to pm me if you're super concerned about being included <3 <3 Word Limit: 1202 words Signs-up Deadline: Friday at midnight (EST) Submissions Deadline: Sunday at midnight (EST) Judges Tyrannosaurus sebmojo Phobia Bin-Goers Noah DuckyB Sithsaber Anomalous Blowout WeLandedOnTheMoon! Broenheim Echo Cian LOU BEGAS MUSTACHE Meinberg Mercedes Bad Seafood PootieTang curlingiron Grizzled Patriarch waffledoodle Fumblemouse meeple Thalamas Sitting Here Entenzahn Nethilia Chairchucker theblunderbuss QuoProQuid Auraboks HopperUK PoshAlligator Number 36 Blade_of_tyshalle Kalyco Alpacalips Now D.O.G.O.B.Y.N Malefic Marmite Helsing Dr. Kloctopussy Paladinus Lead out in cuffs docbeard Obliterati Tyrannosaurus fucked around with this message at 23:42 on Jul 16, 2014 |
# ? Jul 15, 2014 03:50 |
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In. Lets do a thing.
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# ? Jul 15, 2014 03:51 |
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Aw poo poo yes, let's do this. In.
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# ? Jul 15, 2014 03:53 |
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IIIIIIINN In.
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# ? Jul 15, 2014 03:54 |
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Since I'm out for all of August I may as well in at least once more in July.
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# ? Jul 15, 2014 03:54 |
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BINGO
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# ? Jul 15, 2014 03:57 |
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I will judge. I am filled with... yes... rage. For some reason. So write well.
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# ? Jul 15, 2014 03:58 |
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In
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# ? Jul 15, 2014 04:01 |
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I regretted not joining last week so in this one.
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# ? Jul 15, 2014 04:04 |
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ok in maybe this time ill write a character. (im assuming this is why crabrock gave me a brutally low score)
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# ? Jul 15, 2014 04:06 |
I shall indeed this week.
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# ? Jul 15, 2014 04:16 |
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EDIT: New Babby's judging this week, look out.
Phobia fucked around with this message at 04:49 on Jul 15, 2014 |
# ? Jul 15, 2014 04:38 |
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Noah posted:In. Lets do a thing. DuckyB posted:Aw poo poo yes, let's do this. In. Sithsaber posted:IIIIIIINN Anomalous Blowout posted:Since I'm out for all of August I may as well in at least once more in July. Echo Cian posted:I regretted not joining last week so in this one. LOU BEGAS MUSTACHE posted:ok in maybe this time ill write a character. Meinberg posted:I shall indeed this week.
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# ? Jul 15, 2014 04:38 |
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crabrock posted:...it was about a divorce. You were the only person that didn't even PRETEND to make it war themed. Oh. My fault. I didn't get the memo where it had to be absolutely literally about war. Divorce doesn't share any qualities of that. No sir. My mistake. I won't happen again. I'm in.
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# ? Jul 15, 2014 04:39 |
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systran posted:also is synirc/mibbit not working for anyone else, cause I haven't been able to connect for the past day or two. WeLandedOnTheMoon! posted:Not working here either. I downloaded hexchat and had to reteach myself to IRC. Also, in.
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# ? Jul 15, 2014 04:42 |
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# ? Dec 10, 2024 12:21 |
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Count me in too.
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# ? Jul 15, 2014 04:42 |