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There And Back Again 101 Words “We shall miss you, Princess Gertrude,” her subjects and companions said, gathering around her as she stood before the mysterious door in the Dark Wood. “And I shall miss you,” Gertrude said, setting aside crown and scepter and sword, and pulling on her now-dusty backpack. “Until I can return,” she added, to assorted cheers. She stepped through the door, and back into her room. The closet door slammed shut. “Gertrude, have you finished cleaning your room?” her mother called out. She opened the closet door, stepped back inside, and pulled it shut. It had worked once, maybe it would work again.
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Mar 25, 2014 00:12
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In Orbit Above Planet H0-M0 168 words Stardate 69696: This is Cpt. Straight. We located the source of the energy that fills the universe with gay: an artifact the size of 100 button-up shirts, with room near the bottom for boots and a single pair of dress shoes. All attempts to measure the anomaly flood the ship with pulsing lights and thumping bass. We launched torpedoes and other phallic objects, but it swallows them up with unadulterated glee. I planned to send red shirts down to the planet to assault the artifact head on, but they have eschewed shirts and now spend all their time oiling each other’s chests. The plan is up to me now. My wrist goes limp as I write this, and I know that I only have a few minutes before I turn. I have access to the transporter, and I’m going to attempt something my drill sergeant would frown at--but if he wanted sensible and safe he never would have recruited me. Or given me this fabulous boa. Straight out.
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Mar 25, 2014 00:58
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Display, Don’t Play (120) Mom caught me just as I’d gotten the pink sequined dress on the red-headed dolly; it’d been a tight fit. “What are you doing?” she shrieked, snatching the doll out of my hand. “Playing.” She shook the doll at me before realizing she’d done so. “You know better than to go into my storage cabinet!” “It’s just the hallway closet,” I grumbled, watching her start sorting out the many containers I’d pulled down. She’d probably be there for hours “fixing” her doll collection. I didn’t understand why she just let her dollies sit stuffed away like that, in Ziploc bags, with little white labels like “1969 Bubble” and “74 Malibu”. Some weren’t even out of the box. Parents were weird.
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Mar 25, 2014 01:32
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Repeal 127 Words Ted walked to his barn, a fifth of whiskey in his hand and a tobacco cigarette in his lips. He took a slug from the bottle and pulled the door open. The smell of hay inside was honest. He belched. The tarp unfurled from his truck with a flapping like the stars and stripes over ...y’know, that hill they made those statues on. He had been saving foodstamps and bitcoins to buy the petrol, but now he poured it into the tank. The pickup revved to life and purred under him like -- like a woman. He took the shotgun shell from the dash wistfully. They’d gotten his gun. But after fifty years, the Republicans were back in charge. And he’d never have to be gay married again.
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Mar 25, 2014 01:49
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I Have Become the Avatar (A Children's Tale) (169 Words) “There’s nothing to worry about, sweetie,” Sally’s mother assures her. “There’s no monster in your closet.” As the bedroom door clicks, Sally’s closet burst open with the agonizing roar of realities shredding apart. An unholy beast of shadow blots out the hellfire behind the Dora the Explorer magnet covered door. “Little one,” a commanding voice speaks. “I have come for your essence.” “Shut up!” Sally yells at the monster, throwing her pink fleece jacket at its head. “You don’t exist!” The jacket falls upon its horned crown, and ghostly black tendrils move amongst the stitching. “Your tribute,” The Beast roars. “It gives me strength.” “No, you can’t!” Sally cries. “That’s my jacket! Its not tribute!” “I am your jacket now. Its essence has manifest into my being, and I have become The Avatar of North Face Winter Wear.” “Mommy says my jacket goes in the closet!” The Beast halts, now under the leash of a new master. “As you wish,” it utters, slinking back to its cedar wood sanctuary.
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Mar 25, 2014 04:49
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 THUNDERDOME WEEK LXXXV RESULTS POST I bring terrible news from the future. Your future. Which is now the present. Our present. Now I don't know what kind of presents you were expecting but I was thinking maybe a ball and a glove would be nice, you know, play a little catch out back with the old man; dodging traffic, swapping stories. Stories about communication. Long-distance communication. Stories that were actually stories and not just strings of words algorithmically optimized to waste my time. I miss you dad. 41 sign ups, 36 submission - 38 if you count the stragglers (I don't) - but only a handful of you bothered to come up with anything even remotely worth our Sundays and Mondays to comb over and reflect on, and even those guys were just pretty okay. After actually not that much deliberation whatsoever, WeLandedOnTheMoon! was declared responsible for the piece that annoyed us the least. Congratulations Moonman. You did it. Or something. Come down from there and take up your throne. Riding Moon's coattails, Schneider Heim, Kaishai, and Docbeard were found acceptable in small doses, lethal when taken with alcohol, and should consider this sentence indicative of their status as Honorable Mentions. You go guys. And girls. I think only one of you is a girl. As for the rest of you, this two-for-one compost heap of prose managed to produce not one but TWO losers, Pseudoscorpion and RunningIntoWalls, who must now battle to the death to decide which among them is worse. Pseudoscropion, your story was little more that a teaser trailer to the stupidest science fiction plot imaginable featuring the choreographed destruction of the universe. RunningIntoWalls, your story was nigh incomprehensible to a few of us, which unfortunately did little to hide the fact that basically nothing happens. Dude sees dead people, gets in a car accident with some guy he just met yesterday, and reflects on it all while the orderlies play tic-tac-toe on his hospital chart? I think? I dunno. Nothing happens. Including the tic-tac-toe bit. I just made that up. Speaking of nothing happening, a good number of you opted not to include any meaningful events whatsoever in your submissions, either eschewing any sort of plot arc entirely or reducing your story to the equivalent of a 4chan greentext story wherein stuff happens in only the most technical sense, yes, but why do we care? What does it matter? HopperUK, Some Guy TT, Anoulie, The News at 5, Nickmeister, A Tin of Beans, Bushido Brown, Jonked, That Old Ganon, and Starter Wiggen are all guilty of wasting our time with non-stories in which nothing is accomplished or matters, and may hereby consider themselves Dishonorably Mentioned. And one more for the road, for Krotea, whose story I read twice and still couldn't tell you what happened. Sackcloth and ashes, all of you, and be grateful you had Pseudo and Running to break your fall. But we're not done! Crabrock and Cache Cab both left babies on our doorstep without telephoning first, for which they are both disqualified. Also, Crabrock is dumb and doesn't think "They" is an acceptable gender-neutral pronoun. ZorajitZorajit and RedTonic are also disqualified, the former for drifting off-prompt on top of letting small children play with irreplaceable pieces of history, the latter for drifting off-prompt and off-flash rule. And finally, Nutranurse and Nitrousoxide are both DISHONORABLY DISQUALIFIED. Nutranurse, you dove off-prompt, off-flash rule, and still penned a story in which nothing happens and nobody cares. Nitrousoxide, you wrote fanfiction, or at the very least drew direct inspiration from everybody's favorite 1971 edutainment game and didn't even bother to hide it. You also introduced email into a world without computers or internet, which somehow has no bearing on anything. Not that anything happened here either. Crits when I can bear to look in the mirror again and see a man instead of a victim. Take it away Moony. Bad Seafood fucked around with this message at 06:55 on Mar 25, 2014 |
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Mar 25, 2014 06:39
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I'll be doing more line-by-line crits. Now, to take a leaf from Beef's book, I'll ask that you do someone else a line-by-line, then put the words "crit me Schneider" in front of the post. I'll be searching through the thread with that text. I'll post again once I've gotten enough. Expect one crit per day until I'm done with requests. If you really want to improve your writing, you'll have to learn how to read someone else's work critically. It'll make you better at analyzing your own work, and you'll be helping someone else with theirs! It's a win-win.
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Mar 25, 2014 07:07
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Schneider Heim posted:If you really want to improve your writing, you'll have to learn how to read someone else's work critically. It'll make you better at analyzing your own work, and you'll be helping someone else with theirs! It's a win-win. This sounds like an amazing idea, thanks! For us just starting out on our writing, would you suggest we just look at the Thunderdome losers, or can we choose on our own? I won't be critting mine, obviously.
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Mar 25, 2014 07:21
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RunningAtThePoisonWallsBrawl for the Honour of not being the Loser What's that? Miscreants rummagin' in the garbage again? The cops have been called and only one of you will get away. I require 700 words or less on the theme of escape from a dreadful but well-deserved fate with a clearly described arc - beginning, middle, end. No science fiction or fantasy, no-one dies. Get to it - I can hear the sirens already. due 29 March 2014, 11.59 pm PST
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Mar 25, 2014 07:30
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CommissarMega posted:This sounds like an amazing idea, thanks! For us just starting out on our writing, would you suggest we just look at the Thunderdome losers, or can we choose on our own? I won't be critting mine, obviously. Ideally you shouldn't be picky. In my experience I find it harder to crit stories that are generally decent/good because their flaws are less obvious. Bad stories will help you explain in no uncertain terms why a story is bad and how it hosed up. If you want to continue this discussion, then take it to the Fiction Advice thread.
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Mar 25, 2014 08:06
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interpromptin' Mr Boogie's Bad Day As usual, he came in darkness. He started simple: branches of trees scratching the window like a witch's fingernails. This failed. What he specifically did next was complicated, but every dog and cat in the neighbourhood started catterwauling and later had very strange dreams. This too, got no reaction. The fear-o-meter should've at least been spiking by now. He slid through the walls of the house where his targets lay. They were playing the x-box. Haloes, it looked like. "Give me the controller, Tim," said the fatter boy, "if we die to the boss, we won't pass the level and I don't have any more coins!" "Sod off Jim," said the fat boy, "you're useless at killing the space invader men." "BOOOOOOOOOOO," said Mr. Boogie. He called all the shadows from the place beyond and bent them towards the two boys. "Piss off monster, you're not as cool as video games," said Jim. Mr Boogie left, defeated, through the closet.
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Mar 25, 2014 13:22
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Congrats to WLOTM!, schneider heim, and docbeard on all earning their first positive mention in TD! A week for newbies [and Kaishai]. Makes me happy to see people improving. The rest of you should feel bad.
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Mar 25, 2014 13:27
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Mars 87 words Juanita had two dresses she could wear to her cousin’s quinceañera but she didn’t know which one to pick. “Hey Fatass, can you help me choose my vestido?” she called out to her sister. Fatass is a common nickname for overweight people. “Wear the blue one,” Fatass said, “The pink one squashes your boobs weird.” “Gracias,” Juanita said as she returned it to the closest. Two days later, the pink dress killed Juanita in cold blood. No one ever suspected the dress. It was the perfect crime.
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Mar 25, 2014 13:52
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Can I still post critiques even if I was a soft-headed baby that completely failed to do anything but cover themselves and the poor judges in poop?
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Mar 25, 2014 16:31
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nutranurse posted:Can I still post critiques even if I was a soft-headed baby that completely failed to do anything but cover themselves and the poor judges in poop? Knock yourself out.
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Mar 25, 2014 16:49
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drat! I would have at least had an honorable mention if not for my unjust disqualification. I am in for this next prompt. I am posting that I am in now so that I can offset the time vortex which caused me to be disqualified last week. Again, I am in, so dare not disqualify me again!
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Mar 25, 2014 17:02
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Crit me Schneider. Have a random crit, Entenzahn. Entenzahn posted:White Vision I don't hate the writing in this (other than see/sea ugh). What I'm not keen one is....the whole concept, I guess? The staccato sentences, the present tense, the animal protagonist; none of these things are working well together in this piece. The humans are basically irrelevant. You could've written a story about a bird simply flying from point A to point B and eating a thing, the end. It might have been a more fulfilling story if we have a better idea of what larger conflict this bird has such a small but crucial part in. I appreciate that you clearly put effort into creating not one but two obstacles for your crowtagonist (I know it's a carrier pigeon but I physically couldn't stop myself just then). The issue is that your little bird pretty much just keeps flying, and eventually the obstacles go away, and as the reader I didn't have a satisfying sense that she had to do much other than literally be a bird doing bird stuff to succeed. Prompt-wise, I think this misses the mark. The message needed to be more important to the story. Your bird is basically carrying a MacGuffin. I want you to go read Song of the Crow. It's a relatively recent novel that anyone who writes a cliché animal protagonist should have to read. Otherwise, keep pushing yourself. This story didn't have anything to say, really. Do YOU have things to say? Loosen up and tell us next time. You had so many words left over! You could have gone in and added nuance and cool imagery. Could've given this little bird a purpose other than "get from the beginning of the story to the end of the story".
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Mar 25, 2014 17:03
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Entenzahn, I am doing you a favour. I liked the basic idea of your story but it sure did feel like a first draft. Feel free to crit me Schneider, if you fancy. Edit: Didn't mean to step on your toes, Sitting Here! Entenzahn posted:White Vision I'd say in most cases to follow the Elmore Leonard rule of no adverbs. Ever. Considering this opening line is evocative whilst keeping an air of mystery as to the setting, "The ground sways" works fine. Entenzahn posted:Outside of her cage, men in puffy jackets make noises at each other and move their arms as they argue. Entenzahn posted:One of them points at her. A leather hand opens her cage and takes her out. Entenzahn posted:She is stroked, whispered to, shown a small roll of paper. Entenzahn posted:The man slides it into the container on her leg. Entenzahn posted:He gives her a kiss on the forehead and opens the door. Entenzahn posted:The see outside is rough. Entenzahn posted:Even down on the surface she can feel the winds. Entenzahn posted:Heavy clouds race across the sky. Entenzahn posted:A bad time to be up there, but it is not her choice. Entenzahn posted:The leather hands throw her in the air and she does what she knows. She does her duty. Entenzahn posted:She flies. Entenzahn posted:She pushes her wings to gain height, ascending away from the floating metal bird. Entenzahn posted:The invisible force pushes her back, but she has been trained, and she is strong. Entenzahn posted:She climbs, approaching the black clouds until she can almost touch them. Entenzahn posted:Up there she flows through the current. Entenzahn posted:The stream changes constantly. Entenzahn posted:For a second, the wind disappears. She falls. Entenzahn posted:Circling through the air, she manages to adjust her wings and to glide, still down, but slower now. Entenzahn posted:Below her, water crashes against water. Drops land on her feathers. Entenzahn posted:She can’t land here. She will drown. Entenzahn posted:She must find — Entenzahn posted:She soars back up and flies. To glide against the wind, to keep away from the see is tiring and it takes hours for the coast to appear, but she knows where to go. Entenzahn posted:Soon she flies over the beach, over treetops, hills and green fields. Entenzahn posted:It rains. Thunder roars in the distance. Entenzahn posted:A strong gust of wind picks her up and throws her like a bug. Entenzahn posted:It takes her many precious seconds to regain her composure. Entenzahn posted:Up is up again, Entenzahn posted:but in the distance, she spots the next threat. Falcon. It changes its course. Entenzahn posted:It sees her. Entenzahn posted:She dives between the trees. Entenzahn posted:The falcon, fast as lightning, closes in on her. CLICHE KLAXON! "Fast as lightning"? C'mon. Again, this happens so quickly there's not really any peril.Entenzahn posted:She flies between and around trunks, trying to shake him off. A quick look behind. Entenzahn posted:It’s still there, almost on her now. Entenzahn posted:She drops harshly, Entenzahn posted:surges straight towards a giant tree, dragging back up just before she smashes into it. The wooden texture scratches her belly. Behind her, there is a cracking sound. Entenzahn posted:Free again, she resumes her course. Finally, a familiar sight. A big, wooden box. Wires. Others, like her. Entenzahn posted:Home. Entenzahn posted:She glides through the small opening in the box and hops onto her stand. A bell rings. Moments later, a man runs in, and removes the paper from her leg. He reads it. He looks at her with big eyes. Then he is gone. Entenzahn posted:She flutters over to the food container and eats. She has done her duty, and the grain has never tasted so good.
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Mar 25, 2014 17:17
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It has come to my attention that I have been bamboozled. Lied to. CONNED !!!My anger had been focused on the wrong person! This perpetrator of evil skulked in the shadows manipulating the events like an... evil puppetmaster! But light has been cast on your corner and your visage shall be known to all!!! Dr. Klocktopussy!!! You wrought the evil that is Dog Police, and for this I cannot let it go! You must be brought to justice! I MUST HAVE MY VENGEANCE! BRAWL ME!
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Mar 25, 2014 17:37
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I am pleased with this result... Expect a prompt at about 4:30 EST when I am not busy rocking faces at work.
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Mar 25, 2014 17:42
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Nevermind
Nitrousoxide fucked around with this message at 17:48 on Mar 25, 2014 |
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Mar 25, 2014 17:43
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Mercedes posted:Dr. Klocktopussy!!! Finally some credit where credit is due. You're on. P.S. Dog Police is awesome and the best
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Mar 25, 2014 17:55
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Crit me, SchneiderA Tin Of Beans posted:The Last Letter My detailed thoughts on this are here. In general, as I mentioned above, I was confused as to why this got put on this week's poo poo list for about the first half of the story. The second half just went off the rails, and while I have read (and probably written) substantially worse in my time, your largely strong first half made the culmination of it all more disappointing than it might otherwise have been. I think my biggest objection is that everything after the reveal of Anil and Enil just feels lazy and rushed. Also, while I'm aware that the prompt this week asked us to avoid going into the how of the communication, I'd have loved to see more of the why. Why did Enil (or possibly Anil) start writing to her? Why her in particular (especially if he didn't know what she looked like or even what species she was)? How did that connection get made? I really liked the way you established the character of Mads, though, and I wish you'd carried that level of characterization through to the end.
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Mar 25, 2014 17:55
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I will judge this brawl.  “If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and man.” - Mark Twain You have seven days and 700 words to get back to me on this quote.
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Mar 25, 2014 18:07
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THUNDERDOME WEEK LXXXVI: Have You Seen My Trophy? Look, Thunderdome, I get it. Spending hours and hours hunched over that dirty keyboard, only to be swatted on the nose with a dishonorable mention, or worse, a loss, can’t be fun. Can it? Maybe writing just isn't your thing. You must be good at something. Ever tried juggling? Cooking? Trainspotting? Oh, you haven't? Well, look deeper. This week, your prompt is to write about people who are obscenely talented at something obscure, mundane, or otherwise minor. Want to tell me about the world’s greatest grocery bagger? Awesome. World’s greatest hopscotcher? Skippy. World’s greatest Starbucks employee? Serve me up a pot of that. Tap into your real life experience if need be, but keep in mind this general rule: If you can get famous in any standard sense, solely for doing it, don't write about it. Also, please be sure that your story includes an actual plot. If you are writing about the aforementioned grocery bagger, giving me 1100 words exclusively on grocery bagging will Sign-up deadline: Friday, March 28th, 11:59 PM USA EST Submission deadline: Sunday, March 30th, 11:59 PM USA EST Max word count: 1100 Judges: WeLandedOnTheMoon! Sebmojo Schneider Heim sebmojo posted:Beginnings are delicate times, as Aunty J said a long time ago and SO we will have a Talented People: (41) Cache Cab Sitting Here God Over Djinn A Tin Of Beans Entenzahn Anathema Device (or die trying)  Crabrock Starter Wiggin Flash Rule: Your protagonist is constantly jostling for number 1 status with a childhood rival. curlingiron Flash Rule: Your protagonist suffers crippling performance anxiety when his or her talent is observed by an outside party. tenniseveryone Whalley Auraboks Tyrannosaurus Bushido Brown Figaro Jonked Paladinus Nethilia toanoradian Some Guy TT Flash Rule: Chatty motherfucker chats too much, gets what's coming to him. Nitrousoxide Crab Destroyer The Sean docbeard The News at 5 Chairchucker ZorajitZorajit RedTonic Masonity nutranurse That Old Ganon nickmeister RunningIntoWalls perpetulance HopperUK Thalamas Fumblemouse Cpt. Mahatma Gandhi Kaishai J. Comrade JuniperCake a new study bible! fucked around with this message at 22:28 on Mar 30, 2014 |
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Mar 25, 2014 21:20
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In.
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Mar 25, 2014 21:21
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in
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Mar 25, 2014 21:23
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In!
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Mar 25, 2014 21:25
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Innnnn (^^^also thanks for the crits!^^^)
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Mar 25, 2014 21:26
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In. With a
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Mar 25, 2014 21:26
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in. i'm going to have fun destroying people's stories by linking to people who are famous for said talent.
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Mar 25, 2014 21:29
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In.
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Mar 25, 2014 21:29
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In!
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Mar 25, 2014 21:31
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Since I snuck through the last Thunderdome undetected I am already in.
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Mar 25, 2014 21:54
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In
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Mar 25, 2014 21:59
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In.
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Mar 25, 2014 21:59
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In.
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Mar 25, 2014 22:18
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In.
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Mar 25, 2014 22:27
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In
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Mar 25, 2014 22:27
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| # ? Dec 7, 2024 23:00 |
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I'm in.
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Mar 25, 2014 22:42
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