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  • Locked thread
Cythereal
Nov 8, 2009
Probation
Can't post for 19 days!

Doresh posted:

Magical Moon landings? Dream lands? Way too many queens? Americans becoming British? Way too much backstory when "There's way more than one magical girl team in the world" would offer more than enough conflict potential? Why not just go "here's your frilly dress, have fun shooting pink energy beams powered by friendship and love"?

It wouldn't be WoD (not sure whether to call it Old or New, like Genius this one seems to take most of its cues from Old while using the New mechanics) without a ridiculously overwrought backstory and metaplot.

Someone should take the Nobility to Space Station Colossus, show them what happened to all the hope and dreams that rekindled them has turned into in modern times.

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Hyper Crab Tank
Feb 10, 2014

The 16-bit retro-future of crustacean-based transportation

On the topic of bizarre German toys/games with balls popping out of mouths and chickens being prevented, the one that tops the incomprehensible list for me is Trötofant (just the name alone looks hilariously foreign), in which players use those curly paper party favor things (:toot:) to hook cardboard logs off a spinning centerpiece and attempt to evaluate in mid-toot whether you actually wanted that log or whether to dump it on an opponent. I just don't even.

Hyper Crab Tank fucked around with this message at 20:28 on May 19, 2015

Traveller
Jan 6, 2012

WHIM AND FOPPERY

Red Tide

Life in Ektau is kind of lovely

Now that we know the people, let's get to know the land. Aside from the larger Ektau and the smaller Aktau in the north, the archipelago is home to a myriad little islands with their own mysteries and perils. Located between two massive oceanic currents, the climate varies wildly from north to south: Aktau's climate is sub-artic, with temperature increasing until the southern reaches of Ektau are pretty much the sweltering tropics. Central and northern Ektau enjoy a warm, temperate climate with four distinct seasons, and are thus better suited to agriculture. Traveling around Ektau is hard going: roads are primitive, perils are many. The sea is the main form of travel between the great cities, being faster and safer than ground journeying, though there's still pirates and freak storms sending ships screaming into the Tide a hundred miles from shore to consider. The central waters of the archipelago are highly dangerous, so most travel between Ektau and Aktau tries to skirt the borders of the archipelago, hoping that the Tide won't claim those ships. We even get a classic wilderness random encounter table here: as many of those encounters could eat a low-level party for dinner, the GM is encouraged to give PCs hints by showing ruined homesteads, claw marks and other evidence to lead them another way. If they continue though, that's the sandbox for you.

We later get some interesting points all over the archipelago, along with maps. Most of the central zone is too dangerous to explore thoroughly, but still there are some places that are familiar - or at least, agreed upon. The Angrimmr mountains in Aktau are a harsh, jagged spine home to dwarves, who are obliged to dig carefully - not all of the frozen peaks are devoid of life. Coldthrone is a small frozen island said to be the home of a powerful, malevolent ice wizard. The Godbarrows is the mountain chain that splits Ektau in half, and the Shou claim that it was formed from the flesh of their god Shakun when he sacrificed himself for his people. It is rich in veins of precious godbone. The Isle of White Teeth is surrounded by sharp reefs, and its isolation makes it a favorite of Xianese outlaws and other undesirables. It is said that a group of renegade Kueh plot the fall of the Shogunate deep inside the island. Keelhaven is an island where good pines for shipbuilding timber grow, but it is said by Skandr sailors that there are "green devils" that harvest and cut down men as men do to trees. North Neck is a small country ruled by the Shogunate, home to picturesque villages and haunted ruins from the Ravaging. Care must be taken with Shogunate patrols. Scylfing is a mountainous island west of Aktau that according to Skandr records used to be much warmer in old times. Those records also said that the Skandr found Shou-built cities there but no one seriously believes the Shou had a city-building civilization. Sheshan Island is an outpost of civilization west of Ektau, safe in the knowledge that Shou dread the water and won't go after them. It is nominally ruled by the Mandarin of Xian but no one in Sheshan takes mainland authority seriously. And so on: these are just a few places of ADVENTURE in the islands.

Let's talk about the domains of Ektau!


Map!

Altgrimmr is home to 23,000 people, 2,500 of them in Deep Algrimmr, under the rule of the Underking. They've been here since before the humans, though fending off Shou raiders and others made for a harsh living. Ironically the end of the world let them expand as the influx of exiles drove the Shou further west, but even now no more than a fifth of the ancient Altgrimmr delves have been reclaimed, much less reoccupied. The Underking loathes sending his people to fight the wars of men, but the dwarves recognize the threat of Tien Lung and are therefore allied with Xian (though they dislike Xianese judicial slavery) as well as Hohnberg (though they dislike their zealous piety). The dwarves are divided in clans, and marriage is customarily celebrated between clans, so most delves are joined in a complex web of family ties. Social roles are sharply divided between men and women: for instance, while the Underking is always a man, the leaders of the crafting guilds are always women. Leaders of the ancestor cults may belong to either gender. And speaking of ancestors, sometimes dwarves get sick of poo poo and actually seek to worship the Mother Below once again; these are known as Repenters, commanded by fragments of the wicked goddess to undertake acts of torture both self inflicted and inflicted on those dwarves that won't recognize their one true mistress. Dwarf law is harsh, without many of the human expectations of liberty or carelessness. Dwarves have to do what they have to do to keep their delves alive, and as such their life is highly regimented. While executions are forbidden because no dwarf may kill another dwarf (exile is their worst punishment), sometimes dwarves just snap under the demands of life, and the tight confines and disputes of the delve erupt into bloodshed. Altgrimmr trades steel and iron for human crops, but those holdings that don't or can't trade with humans have to make do with meat beetles and varied fungi for food and drink. They dress in metal and fungus-leather, with forge workers using little more than a work harness and those working in the surface thickly bundled up against the chill.

The Hohnberg Pact is home to 93,000 people, 8,000 of them live in Hohnberg itself. The inhabitants of the Pact are mainly of Eirengarder stock. The land is rich in resources, with gold and silver mines and coastal grasslands, but the Pact is poorer than it should be because it is so isolated: trade is hard due to the rough terrain between them and other human polities, and sea captains have to choose between braving hostile Shogunate coasts or taking a long, dangerous trip west to circumnavigate Ektau. As such, more than one young pikeman has to leave the city to seek fortune. Eirengarder military tradition permeates Hohnberger society, with status pinned to military accomplishment or wealth. Those who own real estate are known as Landsers, and can vote on questions put to them by their leaders. Almost all Hohnbergers are also members of a Company, an organization that crosses their society vertically and where people may socialize with each other. They take care of widows and orphan children, among other roles, and are used as militia units if the city is in danger. Hohnbergers are also associated with a particular Makerite church, as faith in Hohnberg is a lot more serious than in other places of the Isles. Aside from common taboos, each church interprets the Law and the writings of the Iron Prophets differently. Many Hohnbergers make their fortune as mercenaries, with some of their bands having a history going beyond the end of the world. While many are heroic, some mercenary bands are little more than bandits.


Color art!

The city is ruled by the Thusundi, chosen by the Landsers upon the death of the former lord. Beneath the Thusundi are the Obersts, leaders of the Companies, who employ other lesser Landsers in various city posts. The High Priest of the House of the Maker, the largest church in Hohnberg, also has a say even though he doesn't have an official posts. His word against someone makes it very unlikely that that person will hold office. Religious governance is left to the churches themselves, with government steering away from doctrine disputes. The Pact at large is called like that because its myriad villages and towns engage into a pact of protection with Hohnberg: the city provides security in exchange for tribute. Those who stop paying are not harmed, but neither are they protected the next time some bandit dickhead comes by to loot the place. Hohnberg law is generally the same as Xian, with the notable exception of slavery - restriction of freedom is loathsome to the Hohnbergers and any slave in Pact lands is automatically freed. However, this makes their justice unusually harsh, as any crime worth prison or servitude in other territories is punished by death. Military justice is even harder, as the accused don't even get a trial by jury, they just get executed or beaten on the spot. While the Makerite churches are the most important, veneration of other gods is not forbidden unless it is the Hell Kings, in which case the offender will at least be beaten harshly if not executed for being a hell priest. Hohnbergers dress warmly as the climate is cooler in their lands, with mercenaries favoring bright colors easily visible in warfare. They love wheat and barley beers, but pork is forbidden to be sold in the city and in most Pact polities due to Makerite beliefs.

The Magocracy of Tien Lung has 128,000 people, 11,000 of which live in Tien Lung itself. It is home to the greatest school of arcane knowledge in the Isles, but it asks a terrible price of its followers. After the Ravaging, the sorcerers of Tien Lung became drunk with power, no longer sacrificing people out of dire necessity but simply to explore the darkest reaches of their magical ability. This, along with their great rice paddies and drug plantations, means that the city is rife with chattel slavery, and most crimes are quickly punished by the accused becoming a slave. Tien Lung's culture would be easily recognizable to a Xianese, but there's always the subtle sense of corruption and power-lust in all dealings. Tien Lungan society is divided between the Learned (those who can cast magic, divine or arcane, even a single spell) and everyone else. Laws favor the Learned on all things, and they can kill, steal and mistreat commoners with impunity. However, the law recognizes self-defense as a justification for killing, and it will side with a commoner that kills a Learned in self-defense - after all, if a commoner can kill you then maybe you're not as Learned as you thought. Disputes between the Learned themselves are outside justice's remit, and spellcasters can duel and cast poo poo on each other to their heart's content, though in practice the Academy keeps a number of legbreakers and enforcers to bring unrestrained wizards to heel. Tien Lung is the hottest of the cities, so commoners wear as little as modesty permits - or less, depending on their role. The Learned dress in ornate, complicated robes and tunics and cool themselves with magic as a show of power. Members of the Academy dress in the colors and insignia of their faction, and outsiders run the risk of offending Academy members over obscure faux-pas. The Tien Lungans eat mostly rice and fish, supplemented by jungle fruits and the produce of slave plantations. Spices and drugs are used liberally, and Tien Lungan poisoners are infamous for being able to slip poisons past a taster.


Only then did she realize that using a human sacrifice to power the fire in her stove wasn't a good idea in the slightest.

The Mandarinate of Xian is the largest polity, with a population of 162,000 and 14,000 people living in Xian itself. It is led by the Mandarin, the regent of the Emperor of the Ninefold Celestial Empire in Ektau, though no one believes there's any Emperor or Empire in existence these days. The current Mandarin, Sei-Wen MacLammach, belongs to a unbroken line going all the way back to Lammach himself and his word is law, though currently the Mandarin issues few orders, focusing himself on studying records of his glorious ancestor and making strange plans to retrieve long-lost magic lore. He wed a Tien Lungan princess some years ago, but has not produced any heir. It is an open secret that he prefers the strapping young men guarding his seraglio than the girls of his harem :gay: and while that doesn't bother the people much because aristocrats gonna aristocrat, the fact remains that officials and noble families are uneasy without a defined heir. Xianese society is divided into commoners, daifu and zhuhou. Justice is held between commoners mostly fairly, but trying to sue someone of higher station is a lost cause unless the crime is too great or the magistrate can be moved to pity. Daifus are the "scholarly" class, drawn from zhuhou descendants or commoners ascended through merit and service. They may not necessarily have anything to do with education, earning their place through military merit or other ways. Daifu status only extends to the children of the daifu - their grandchildren are commoners unless they too ascend to the class. Zhuhou are the "princely ones", the real rulers of the city. Commoners give them a wide berth or are otherwise very obsequious with them because they can pretty much do whatever to them. Only one person can be elevated to zhuhou - their spouses, parents and immediate relatives are treated as daifus. The Junzi are the overseers immediate below the Mandarin, of zhuhou stock. They rule the ministries of the city. Beneath them are the Hundred Magistrates that hear cases and resolve disputes all over Xian and its towns and villages. Xianese law is derived from the old Empire code, with people receiving more consideration in trials depending on their station. Only the most grievous of crimes against a commoner can leave a zhuhou in the stock, for instance. Punishment involves beatings, execution and forced servitude - long-term imprisonment is rare. Magic is an acknowledge part of law, with magical testimony admissible evidence though most will reject using it, knowing how easy it is to fake it. Magic crimes are hard to prove, but severely punished when it happens. Necromancy is not technically forbidden, but messing with someone's remains is such a grievous offense that even the humblest peasant family can expect swift justice, and no magistrate will hesitate to punish a necromancer that defiles a body so even if they are a zhuhou. Almost all religions are admissible in Xian, with the exception of Hell Kings and Tide worship. The Xianese also dress lightly, with saris and sarongs, but wearing jade accessories is restricted to daifu and zhuhou classes. Only zhuhou may wear blue-buttoned caps. Xianese cuisine favors rice and seafood, and even the poorest peasant can expect a full bowl of rice porridge at dinner. The wealthiest dine lavishly, and "jewelers" pick between leftovers of princely dinners to fashion meals to sell to people of lesser station.


More color art!

The Shogunate of the North has a population of 116,000, 10,000 of which live in Kitaminato. It is prosperous and wealthy, but its people live in haunting fear of their ultimate fate after they die, for those blessings are literally infernal. At present, it is engaged in a low level war with Xian, with "bandits" and "pirates" preying on Xianese assets, while Tien Lung bides its time and waits for a chance to press claims on Xianese territory. The Shogunate mostly comprises ethnic Kueh, and society reflects that with clans of shared descent. Merchants are at the lowest position of society, unable to own land, with farmers slightly above them. The samurai families and the daimyos that rule them are atop the societal pyramid. Adventurers and other outsiders are not considered by Shogunate law and can be harmed or killed at the leisure of anyone. Oddly for such a horrible place, there is justice and criminals are dealt with - the Hell Kings reason that those practitioners of evil that are not caught do better, and hell priests quietly celebrate the deeds of evildoers even as they order their execution for their crimes. Shogunate society is thus a web of deceit and murder under a facade of elegance and grace. Not all citizens follow the path to damnation so willingly, though - some try to strike back at the Shogunate, or worship better gods and are generally nice people to defy the Hell Kings. The Shogunate was ultimately built to protect Kueh culture and restore them to their imagined glorious past, and Rai's wish was made with this in mind, but ironically uncorrupted Kueh culture only exists outside of Kitaminato's influence. The locals don't like being reminded of this.


Demon corrupter finds no pleasure in his job.

Shogunate lands are rich due to hellish blessings, and even the poorest, most beaten down peasant goes to sleep with a full belly most of the time, while a village samurai eats like a Xianese daifu. Cuisine emphasizes gluttony and avarice, and Shogunate nobles like to play at snatching morsels of food from each other's play, or forcing each other to eat ashes and filth as punishment. Clothing focuses on silk kimonos, tunics and breech clothes depending on station, many times adorned with blasphemous characters. Even beauty is corrupted to the service of the Hell Kings.

The Shou Lands may have at least half a million people in the western half of Ektau. Never uniting again after the Ravaging, they still send war parties and raiders down from the Godbarrows to strike at the hated invaders, but they are wracked by disunity and backstabbing. The three major breeds of shou are orcs, goblins and bugbears: hobgoblins are a particularly large and smart version of goblins that are sometimes born from their tribes. In theory, a Shou tribe is ruled by a chieftain that got there through battle prowess and cunning - in practice, witch priestesses hold much of the power in the shadows, propping up a series of dashing, brave and ultimately disposable chieftains as figureheads. Shou men hunt, war and raid, while women tend to domestic duties, but farming and other civilized practices are "slave work" and not done by proper minded Shou. They put great stock in purity of blood and believe that someday Shakun will return to take the best of his children with him, which is a great reason for their lack of ability to stick together against common foes. Deep in their lands, there's evidence that perhaps they were not always the savage tribals of the modern day - great city ruins, that could be waved away as the work of some other human empire if the writing in some of the stones didn't match Shou clan markings. Shou have little in the way of law, recognizing only custom and the rule of the strongest. Almost all of them hate humans greatly, and half-breeds are exposed at birth. Some more cunning tribes trade with humans, which puts both Shou and human traders at risk of lynching by their fellow race members. They favor barbaric tattoos and piercings, and eat wild game, fruits and whatever they can plunder from humans. A few settled tribes even have slaves to tend to fields for them, but those are rarely found in the frontier.

Finally, the Westmark holds around 20,000 souls. Once a thriving province of the Mandarinate, after the Ravaging it was left a scarred, harsh frontier land. In the past thirty years, population pressure has driven more colonists to the Westmark in search of land and fortune. The soil is rich and there are many ruins with wealth unplundered yet, so bands of adventurers gather every year to roam the Westmark. Far fewer ever return. The bordermen are a disparate lot, with no universally recognized ruler or united territory larger than a single settlement or market town. The surrounding polities would like to change this, however, and they all have military outposts vying to get more settlements under the rule of their masters. There's no real law in the Westmark beyond the point of a spear, though. They dress in the manner of their home cultures, and they eat well thanks to the Westmark's good land and rich game and natural produce. At least, what they can gather, with all the Shou and bandits around.

And now, let's talk about institutions in the isles. Slavery is commonplace, practiced to different degrees in Xian, Tien Lung and the Shogunate. In Xian it is a punishment for criminals and people who fail to pay taxes. Slaves are owned by the city and not treated gently, but they do have some rights and abuse against slaves could end with the abuser ending up in the same chain gang as the victim. Most are indistinguishable from other commoners, though they are branded with tattoos to keep them from blending in easily with free people. In Tien Lung, people are bought and sold like cattle, and almost anyone runs the risk of being pressganged by roving gangs. The least fortunate of these become guinea pigs for the experiments of the Learned. Shogunate slaves are the least fortunate of them all, but life is so harsh anyway that it is said that the Shogunate doesn't practice slavery so much as fail to practice freedom. The Makerites of Hohnberg refuse to have anything to do with slavery. Elf attitudes to slavery vary depending on their Creed, but most of them despise the practice. Halflings have a hard time even understanding the idea of laboring solely for the benefit of someone else. And of course, dwarven hatred of slavery runs marrow deep, and only grudgingly does the Underking accept that Xianese slavery is a punishment for criminals. Even the meekest dwarf will choose suicide rather than becoming someone else's property, and both dwarves and Makerites are the strongest backers of abolitionist circles all over the Isles.

Gender roles! Ah, you were waiting for this. There's a consistent sense of gender roles among humans no matter their polity or culture. Theoretically, women are subservient to men, expected to be mothers and homemakers as well as helping with simple home crafts to support a household. Men are expected to work outside the home and to serve in military forces and martial branches of society. In the Imperial tradition, unmarried women are expected to remain at home under the custody of their father or an older male relative until they marry. But such customs simply don't hold in modern Xian or anywhere else - the laws are technically there, but only enforced against political rivals and even then the enforcement only lasts as long as the relevant magistrate can be bribed. Simply put, life in the Isles is too harsh to hobble half your populace unnecessarily, so women can by and large do the same things as men and enter any possible career. Yes, there's some places where one gender or the other will have an easier time fitting in, but once skill is proven the Xianese care about what you can do rather than what your bits are. In the Mandarinate, the famous Admiral Ten Fires Carp is a woman, and most of the professional clade of the city (lawyers, architects and such) is actually female. Most other human cultures follow similar lines, with their own quirks - Eirengarder women that take up arms are traditionally exempt from traditional "womanly" duties like cooking, so telling an Eirengarder merc that it's her turn to make grub for the party is cruisin' for a bruisin'. Elves are even more egalitarian than humans, given their reincarnation deal, and halflings tend to stick to traditional roles but only out of habit and inertia, and don't see it as wrong if a lady becomes sheriff or a guy stays at home.

Dwarves are markedly different in this regard from all others. Only men fight and build, and women have pretty much no chance of taking up these roles without societal shunning. But it cuts both ways, too: only women craft and trade, and men who pretend to those roles will find a similar fate as their female opposites. In fact, there are (don't laugh) men's rights organizations in dwarf delves, but rather that posting to the Undernet about how they're incels and the womyn rule everything and it's so harsh, man, what they want is to get men access to female positions because if a young boy wants to be the very best blacksmith like his mother was, that's his own drat business. While most right-minded dwarves scoff at the idea of using "mannish" goods, these organizations have made inroads in some delves. Unfortunately, their female counterparts have not been as successful.

Finally, Religion! The people of the Isles are generally lacking in piety, what with the Tide eating up the world and all. The cults that remain tend to be simple faiths with little concern over contradictions, so you might end up with two priests of the same god holding very different beliefs. It doesn't help that communications with the divine are garbled - while Commune spells work, the gods seem very reluctant to speaking of the Tide or offering any useful information to their followers, so not even their clergy agree on how to best serve them. The traditional gods of the Empire, the Nine Immortals, are popular - but devotions don't go much further than quick prayers for luck, blessings at birth and proper burial rites to keep the dead from being eaten by the Hell Kings. The Nine Immortals are served by a legion of tulpas and celestial devils: the tulpas represent their most positive aspects, while the devils represent their most negative ones. For instance, a devil of Fa Chia, Immortal of law and integrity, scourges lawbreakers and hypocrites, while his tulpa enlightens judges and reveals the right paths. The Skandr were never a terribly pious folk, but they still pay homage to three major gods: Sifr the lord of the waves, Anghad mistress of the mountains, and Hjal the red-handed god of battle. Skandr faith tends to be very practical, with worshippers offering so many barrels of beer or other goods upon successful completion of an enterprise, and prayers to whatever gods are relevant to the matter at hand. The Gadaal worshipped impersonal conceptions of destiny and free will, in a complex way that was almost completely lost in the exodus; all that is left now is simple folk creed. The Eirengarders hold to their monotheistic faith in the Maker, and they actually claim that he made the entire world - a laughably arrogant idea to others, but there's no denying that Makerite warpriests were responsible for some of the most impressive battlefield miracles of the pre-Tide era. Ekshanti are polytheistic, and cheerfully so: in the old times, they collected gods like so many shinies, and clans boasted of the myriad gods they served and the blessings they received from them. Nowadays small Ekshanti family shrines are all that remains from entire old world pantheons. The Kueh held to Imperial beliefs mostly, with ancient traditions of nature worship added to the mix. The Hell Kings teach that eventually both this world and the afterlife will fall to the forces of Hell, so why not make it easier on you? They're generous with clerical power and material blessings, but they demand obedience. Ultimately, though, even the most fervent worshipper of the Hell King will be thrown into the hellfires along with everyone else, but the demons don't feel the need to share that detail with their followers. And every year, new strange faiths and messiahs pop up in the Isles, to the general lack of care of the population: what use was the new god when the Tide came?


Have you heard the good word of Xenu, my friend?

Next: okay, okay, but what about the rules?

Doresh
Jan 7, 2015

Hyper Crab Tank posted:

On the topic of bizarre German toys/games with balls popping out of mouths and chickens being prevented, the one that tops the incomprehensible list for me is Trötofant (just the name alone looks hilariously foreign), in which players use those curly paper party favor things (:toot:) to hook cardboard logs off a spinning centerpiece and attempt to evaluate in mid-toot whether you actually wanted that log or whether to dump it on an opponent. I just don't even.

As the old German proverb goes: Chess is the game of kings. Trötofant is the game of kaisers.

theironjef
Aug 11, 2009

The archmage of unexpected stinks.

Doresh posted:

As the old German proverb goes: Chess is the game of kings. Trötofant is the game of kaisers.

It looks pretty good, but is it Poppenlochen Cochenblocken good?

Zereth
Jul 9, 2003



Covok posted:

Fallout: Equestria? Really? Really!?

...Why? Just, why?
Because nerds.

Xand_Man posted:

What happens if the GM ignores THAT rule?
Your book bursts into flames. How did you think I got these scars? :confused:

Bieeanshee
Aug 21, 2000

Not keen on keening.


Grimey Drawer

Doresh posted:

As the old German proverb goes: Chess is the game of kings. Trötofant is the game of kaisers.

Mom always told me not to play with my food.

Doresh
Jan 7, 2015

Bieeardo posted:

Mom always told me not to play with my food.

You haven't lived until you've dined using a curly paper party favor thing.

theironjef posted:

It looks pretty good, but is it Poppenlochen Cochenblocken good?

"Good" doesn't even begin to describe it.

hectorgrey
Oct 14, 2011
Just another reason why I wish more OSR people were like Kevin Crawford. Gender roles based on individual cultures with the opportunity for the party to change things if they're willing to put the work in. I'm reminded very much of Spears of the Dawn (can't remember if that was in this thread or the last one), wherein again, different cultures had different ideas about gender roles, and if players had a problem with that, that was a thing they could work to change.

occamsnailfile
Nov 4, 2007



zamtrios so lonely
Grimey Drawer

hectorgrey posted:

Just another reason why I wish more OSR people were like Kevin Crawford. Gender roles based on individual cultures with the opportunity for the party to change things if they're willing to put the work in. I'm reminded very much of Spears of the Dawn (can't remember if that was in this thread or the last one), wherein again, different cultures had different ideas about gender roles, and if players had a problem with that, that was a thing they could work to change.

Spears was in this thread and it was a pretty good review. The book also said that adventurers were exempt from a lot of social rules including gender roles as their services were needed more fighting monsters.

Tasoth
Dec 13, 2011

Alien Rope Burn posted:

You may want to explain Nightbreed for babies who haven't seen it. :ssh:


Halloween Jack posted:

I only saw Nightbreed for the first time, like, 3 months ago. The director's cut was decently rad. It was kind of a glaring omission for someone who's tolerated 5 Highlander movies.

A friend of mine has read the whole Marvel comics series. Don't know about that one.


Nessus posted:

I'm not familiar, actually! Isn't it a Clive Barker book? You may well be better equipped than I.

Hooooo boy, is there a novel. Cabal was a pretty good book about what a monster really is and the real monster is the serial killer with a leather mask that has buttons for eyes and a zipper for a mouth. The original Nightbreed ends significantly different from the book and got chopped to hell by the production company. The Director's Cut is far closer to the book, keeps the battle of Midian (it was some yokel sheriff and his deputies just blowing the place to hell and the Tribes of the Moon slipping away into the night in the novel) and I really liked it. IIRC, the comics introduce the Nightbreed and Baphomet, the sundered god from another dimension and who looks after the Nightbreed, as agents of Chaos and are diametrically opposed by the Cenobites and their labyrinthine god Leviathan. Barker tends to do a drat good job of translating his books into movies (Hellraiser and Hellbound Heart are extremely close in content).

By the way, I really like Clive Barker and can try to answer questions that anyone may have on what I've read.

Alien Rope Burn
Dec 5, 2004

I wanna be a saikyo HERO!
Rifts World Book Six: South America (Part 14): "During the ordeal, the character may be visited by spirits or visions, who provide him with information or insight (role-playing these visitations can be fun)."


I think that's overdoing it even by indigenous standards.

The Rain Forest

Most of the human population outside of the major nation has reverted to tribalism. As we've seen before in Rifts, just as in Africa and, apparently there were a bunch of native people waiting to turn back to the Old Ways (TM). We are told they speak "Awarak, Cariban, Ge, and Tupian", which- poo poo, I have to look this stuff up now.
  • The Arawak are actually a Caribbean people and are essentially extinct. It's the Lokono, a coastal people in northeast South America, who kept the Arawak language alive. A very small number of them survive, mostly as farmers, lumberers, and migrant laborers in modern day.
  • Cariban is a language family, not a language, but in a world where "Euro" is a language, I guess it's fair enough. The actual Carib natives barely survive in the modern day; they're actually located on the island of Dominica.
  • or Ge languages are, once again, a language family, not a language, of the indigenous people of Brazil. A lot of different cultures covered here.
  • Tupian covers over seventy languages, mostly surpressed to near-extinction.
In all cases only a tiny number of people - like 10,000 or so - speak each language, and it's a drastic oversimplication. I understand you can't cover them all, and it's still better than the zero fucks they gave about local cultures when writing about Rifts World Book Four: Africa, but it's smearing all local cultures together into one homogenous stereotype. The fictional version of Creole is used as the trading language, and apparently a majority speak it.

We get some generalities. Some tribes are violent! Some are peaceful! Some use traditional weapons! Some use pre-rifts Weapons! But they all use magic, apparently, though they don't have druids or techno-wizards. A half-page on local cultures is all we get, time to move on to their magical classes of noble savagery.

Tribal Shaman O.C.C.

So these are your generic animists who use rituals to summon or vanish the spirits and do magic. They rely on ordeals to learn magic, apparently, and to level up, they have to do an ordeal lasting at least 24 hours once they have the experience required, unlike any other class that just levels by gaining experience. They're a big deal because magic is a big deal now, and generally are good people in tune with nature etc.

So they get the ability to talk with plants and animals, though they are limited to what the plant or animal understands. What does a plant fuckin' understand anyway? "I grew a little. Maybe it rained. Maybe somebody peed on me. What do you want? They can do exorcism, which has a pitiful 8% chance per level of working and takes 1d6 hours. They can turn dead, because any religious person can do that in this land of unD&D, but their chances are similarly pitiful. They get some low-level spell magic, and are limited by their level in what spells they can learn. Lastly, they get some wilderness and lore skills and can pilot a boat or throw a spear. Their skill selections are weak, and honestly they're terrible compared to a ley line walker or other corebook wizard. About the best thing they get is that they can talk with a bush or tiger automatically, so that could be useful, but it's dependent on the GM's kindness.

Thanks to attribute requirements, you have about a 31% chance of playing one of these.


Ah, yes, the South American... tiger.

Totem Warrior O.C.C.

So this is for your generic animism... at war! You choose a totem animal, and get superpowers based on that animal. Unfortunately, this takes an entire fuckin' round to do, so you better not get caught with your loincloth down. The powers last 5 minutes per level and can be used six times a day, and all of give pitiful supernatural toughness and strength. Your choices are:
  • Anaconda: Get boosts to strength, toughness, climbing, and swimming, and you can do an automatic grapple. Yes, you can bear-hug Thor, and he can't get out, because there aren't any rules for it.
  • Crocodile: Bonus to strength, toughness, can hold your breath and swim automatically. Also you can bite for lovely Mega-Damage.
  • Falcon: You can magically fly around, see far, and get crummy Mega-Damage claws, and some minor combat bonuses.
  • Frog: You can super-jump, swim very well, hold your breath, get a bonus to dodge, and a bigger bonus to dodge in water.
  • Jaguar: Boosts strength, agility, toughness, and speed at a very modest level. You also get nightvision, crummy claws, boosts to climbing and sneaking, and combat bonuses.
  • Monkey: A big adder to agility and combat defenses, and climb and acrobatics at high level. Does this mean you get the physical and skill bonuses provided by the acrobatics skill? It doesn't say. Can you buy it twice and be a super acrobat?
  • Tapir: A big bonus to strength (more than any other animal here), a bit to endurance and speed, and you can identify plants at a high level.
And they all get bonuses against magic. Their skills are mostly about hunting, but also dancing. Do the tapir dance? They get a decent number of other skills and that's about all.

With attribute requirements being what they are, you have a 39% chance of playing one of these.

And that's all the attention they get, despite being the sort of folks PCs will encounter very, very often.

Next: A brief bestiary.

Alien Rope Burn fucked around with this message at 04:32 on May 26, 2015

Alien Rope Burn
Dec 5, 2004

I wanna be a saikyo HERO!

Nessus posted:

I'm not familiar, actually! Isn't it a Clive Barker book? You may well be better equipped than I.

I'd explain but go watch it now don't stop go go go-

thotsky
Jun 7, 2005

hot to trot

Alien Rope Burn posted:

I'd explain but go watch it now don't stop go go go-

I like it. It's like they tried to make a Star Wars for the horror genre.

Bacchante
May 2, 2012

Friends don't let friends do sarcasm.
I'm a bit late to the party on this, but I am running two games of Hellsing: The Vigil and it's pretty sweet. The tone rapidly flips from Hellsing Ultimate to Hellsing Abridged, and it's super fun. Especially taking the existing lore and mechanics of the nWoD and brutally violating them to make them fit Hellsing's setting.

theironjef
Aug 11, 2009

The archmage of unexpected stinks.

AmiYumi posted:

Same, I actually went through your whole backlog as "things to listen to while cooking". Now I'm up to date, and keep having to fall back on the episode about MAID. :ohdear:

(I just listened to the most recent Afterthought about an hour or two ago, while throwing together eggplant and bell peppers in a miso/soy/xiaoxing sauce. Both were delightful.)

Hey I know this is a thousand pages old but what's in the MAID episode you like so much? The source material? Our guest host? The examples of play skits? I'm just researching for methods to improve the show in future episodes and that one has been really popular in terms of downloads and so on.

Was it the Double Lolita Crunch?

Traveller
Jan 6, 2012

WHIM AND FOPPERY

Red Tide

You are our hero, you are our hero

So how about them adventurers, huh? The Isles are fraught with peril: every borderman knows that at some point he will have to fight for his life, and there's danger even in the civilized cities. Most of humanity's defenders are simply guards and watchmen, but some people just aren't cut out for that kind of still life - they want to go outside, explore the world, take the fight to the monsters and strike it big. Adventurers are a fixture of the Sunset Isles and there are some expectations regarding them. They serve as civilization's early warning network, bringing back news of dangers about to befall towns and villages. They are cheap, disposable manpower for tasks that important people want done without expending trustworthy servants in them. They are a release valve for the most ambitious young men and women, going outside rather than making up trouble at home. And the veterans of these adventures often become the driving forces of further exploration and colonization attempts, using their expertise to protect settlers. Many of them eventually become village chiefs and outpost captains. Up until then, though, adventurers are seen by civilized folk as a rough, untrustworthy lot, reliable when it's swords time but better off sent elsewhere when the danger is gone.


Sure you want to hold your torch like that?

Clerics are rare in the Isles. For most people, a priest is just that - a man or woman versed in the lore and rituals of religion. People with a provable connection to the divine often rise to preeminence in the temples, but also great responsibilities are placed on them. Only humans and Shou worship gods in a recognizable way, though, and Shou clergy are most often witches. The elves prefer their Creeds, halflings stick to the Quiet Way, and dwarves bow to no god. They have no rules changes from the core Labyrinth Lord book.

Dwarves on adventure have often been driven from their homes by tragedy, societal pressure, lack of conformism and simple desire for gold. They always leave with a purpose, though, and they're not wont to let anything stand in their way. There are also ancestor priests, who don't have clerical powers but are still knowledgeable with the details of burial, funerary rites and appeasement of dwarf spirits. Since the tomb-gold is considered to pass on to the afterlife, they have little compunction about reclaiming it, but they are very sensitive with strangers looting the tombs of their ancestors. Dwarves also have no changes from the corebook.


They look badass as gently caress, though :black101:

Elves are by far the rarest of the demihuman classes. Those who venture out in the world are almost always a questing lot, ambitious and driven to achieve great goals. After all, death is temporary. Most use the standard rules, but Scions behave differently. They can't cast spells as regular elves do, but they have access to an unique type of powers called wyrds. These wyrds are reality warping manifestations of a Scion's strange soul, and as their power grows they become more and more adept at shaping and shattering the laws of nature around them. Wyrds are divided in levels as spells, with Scions being able to master a number of them depending on their level. They don't need a teacher or materials to do so, but once a wyrd is learned it cannot be unlearned. Each wyrd can be used a different number of times per day, and they can be refreshed by eight hours of sleep. Scions can't use magic scrolls or other magic user items, but they are considered elves and have all other elven abilities.

Fighters can represent anything from Kueh samurai to Ekshanti knife-fighters to simple slum brawlers. Skilled fighters are highly esteemed in the isles, and civilization has not grown so decadent that they can't appreciate a strong arm when it counts. A fighter of skill and resolve can often find fortune as a landowner or border noble, assuming they survive. Fighters reroll any hit dice that come up with less than 4: the Isles weed out the weak.

Halflings are almost always driven away from their villages by necessity. In times of privation, the younger, more promising inhabitants of a village are sent to make their way into the world. Many of them die forgotten and alone, but some often accumulate enough fame and wealth to start their own village, or lose the taste for the Quiet Way entirely. Halflings use the corebook rules, but they are completely immune to mundane sources of fear and gain a +4 bonus to saving throws made against magical fear effects.

Magic users cover everything from wicked Tide cultists to Imperial academy graduates. They are rare, but not unknown in the Isles, since many magical traditions made the way across the sea. Petty magic is almost unknown, however, in stark contrast to the myriad small wonders of the Ninefold Celestial Empire. Most cities have at least one academy for gifted students, though, and even the poorest won't be begrudged an education if they show aptitude - but the government will expect a return on their investment. Magic users use the normal rules for their class, and many local academies have access to the new spells included in the supplement.


Dig the Fu Manchu 'stache.

Shou characters will very rarely be full-blooded; half-breeds are much more likely, finding it easier to conceal their origins. These outcasts find the adventuring life the best path to wealth, if not societal acceptance. Shou can take any class that humans can, including fighter, thief, magic-user and cleric, though the latter two have no tradition in the tribes, replaced by witches. All Shou and individuals of at least half-Shou blood have an instinctive hatred of the Tide, translating into a +4 to hit against Tidespawn and cultists and a +4 on saving throws made against magic employed by these. Furthermore, any Tide effect that could cause permanent change on a Shou lasts no more than 1d4 minutes - they're not immune to Tide corruption, but it never sticks for long.

Shou witches are one of the book's new classes. Despite the name, men can become witches too if they show aptitude, but the taboo is such that they are considered ritually and socially female once they are initiated into the secrets. They attack and save as clerics, have a d6 HD, can wear leather or studded leather armor, use daggers, slings, quarterstaves, bows and spears, and must be at least half-Shou. Witch secrets are jealously guarded, and only a made witch can initiate a hopeful into the class. Such teaching cannot be coerced by others, neither by mundane not by magic means. Their spell list is similar to that of Clerics, with some special witch-only spells, but they can't learn new spells from scrolls or teachers. Furthermore, any scrolls they prepare can only be used by other witches. So long as a witch has at least one spell prepared and uncast, she can use witchfire, an arcane ranged attack. This attack does not spend any spells unused, it only needs them to be present in the witch's head. Witchfire is treated like a ranged weapon with a range increment of 50', with a hit roll modified by Dexterity and dealing 1d6 damage (2d6 at level 7). It also can never harm someone the witch doesn't want to, so it's safe to use when her allies are engaged in melee. They are treated as clerics for purposes of class-based effects and rules, and can use clerical scrolls even if the spells are not on their list.

Thieves have no rules changes from the core, but Red Tide treats them in an interesting way. While thief skills are commonplace from one point of view, thieves can push them into the almost supernatural: yes, anyone can climb a wall with rope and hook or sneak past a guard, but only a capital-T Thief gets to scale a sheer wall of glass, or disappear into a sliver of shadow no wider than their palm. Sometimes this may be justified by tong assassin training or ninjutsu, or simply because the thief is uncannily good - whatever the case, it seems to be an uniquely human ability, as not even the stealthiest elf or halfling can match the prowess of a veteran human thief. Isle justice is harsh on criminals, but thieves can be respected as long as they limit their larceny to ruins and enemies of the civilized world.


You just know this sneaky git already knows how to fleece you.

Vowed are unarmed martial artists of great prowess. Their skills came from secret disciplines and austerities maintained by the different faiths, aiming to produce individuals of physical and spiritual excellence. But the chaos of the Tide and knowledge lost has turned many Vowed schools into simple martial arts disciplines, without the spiritual component. Still, a certain measure of connection to the divine is needed to master the powers of the Vowed, so Godless races cannot become one. Shou can be Vowed if any master that will teach them can be found. Vowed have a d6 hit die, attack as fighters and save as clerics. They wear no armor whatsoever, not even shields; in return, they can deal superior damage bare-handed and have an innate AC bonus that improves with DEX. These bonuses only go up with time and levels. They also have mastery of some weapons, like the dagger, quarterstaff and short sword for when bare-handed fighting isn't the most ideal. Unarmed attacks can be performed with at least one limb free, and Vowed don't take damage from hitting dangerous enemies like fire elementals or iron golems. Their fists are considered to be made of silver for purposes of harming magical creatures at third level; at seventh, they are considered to have whatever bonus necessary.

At first level, they pick a style from three choices: Iron Tempest focuses on raw damage and destructive potential, Water Hand deals with subtle redirection and non-lethal resolution, and Ninjutsu is about being a sneaky git. They gain their style's novice ability at first level, their student ability at fourth, and they master the style at eighth level; they can start learning a second style at ninth. They can also learn unique Arts, some of which include running across water (Novice Art), becoming immune to mundane and magical diseases (Student Art) or even treat any attack as a natural 20 once a day (Master Art). The Vowed is an interesting take on the monk, but personally I feel the styles are kind of unbalanced. Iron Tempest seems to be the no-brainer choice at first level, as with its novice ability and above-average Strength a Vowed deals 1d4+4 damage at first level, more than enough to one-shot 1HD mooks reliably. In comparison, Water Hand lets them treat their damage as non-lethal (pretty lovely) and Ninjutsu gives them access to some Thief abilities at the cost of reducing their HD to 1d4 (which speaks more about oldschool D&D's making GBS threads on thieves, really). Which is a shame because the later abilities of the other two styles are fluffy and interesting: Water Hand users learn judo throws and pins and eventually can deal damage without the target even realizing they're losing HP simply by touching them, while Ninjutsu practitioners can use poisons skillfully and eventually can simply become invisible.

Next: my goatskin boots > your plate mail.

Traveller fucked around with this message at 23:52 on May 20, 2015

Alien Rope Burn
Dec 5, 2004

I wanna be a saikyo HERO!
Rifts World Book Six: South America (Part 15): "Some (but by no means all) of the atrocities committed by ancient Spanish conquerors were the result of ellal spirits who took over the bodies of dead Spaniards (usually men who had died of disease or wounds but who hadn't been declared dead or discovered by their companions and went on to commit horrendous crimes to gain nourishment)."

Monsters of the Amazon

The Ellal - South American Undead


Lack of lips makes undead sound all goofy.

So, there are invisible energy beings that love Earth and specifically South America. Why? Because mumble mumble that is why. In any case, they're harmless and unintelligent, at least until they possess a dead body, then that dead body gets back up with all the knowledge of its former self, only eeevil. It's so evil it has to murder people once a month or start decaying, though they can queue up as many months as they like, so they prefer killing sprees.
Also it turns out some of the atrocies done by Spaniards were actually evil spirits who possessed dead Spaniards to murder.

They start out at 1st level though, and have to earn their way back to whatever level they were in life (and past that), though they get all the skills and spells of their past life. The real key is that you can't kill them without exorcising the body, which thankfully kills the bodiless creature too. In addition, anything other than silver or magic does 1/3 damage to these guys- not that they have high M.D.C. values, but most silver and magic does meh damage, so they end up being tough by default. You can just destroy the body by reducing it to -200 M.D.C., but the invisible energy thing hangs around. Oh, and they can stop their deterioration by going into a hibernative sleep, so if you want to stop one by locking it in a frige, think again.

It's definitely more threatening than most types of undead we've seen in Rifts, but still just kind of a boring smart zombie thing. I couldn't find a source for this thing in mythology; it could be that the name's a little off.

Trelque-huecuve - Monster Squid


Some of those tentacles belong to other squids.

So, this is a giant monster squid that lives in both fresh and salt water with ten clawed tentacles. "Considered to be an evil predator." They have a pretty hefty amount of M.D.C., around 400-900, and special rules for grappling people and pulling them to the bite. It notes the biggest ones can pull ships underwater but there are no rules for that.

The actual mythical creature was more of a flat skin with eyes and claws on the edge that caused whirlpools where it sucked you down and wrapped itself around you to eat you. It didn't come on land often, but could cause whirlwinds when it did. Also it liked to eat young women, like a monster do. Sounds more interesting than "evil squid", but I'm no game designer.

Huecu - Demonic Manta Ray


No, swim towards the shore, not away!

This is an giant manta ray that hates people, and prefers to eat them. It may actually be a psychic vampire. It has a modest M.D.C. and can fly at slow speeds out of the water for a few minutes, and has a poisonous stinger that just adds Mega-Damage to its stinger attacks. Some tribes hunt these as delicious, but usually they just run like hell.

I vaguely recall these from mythology something but can't find a source, so have this Pixies song instead.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tnnsQvTpHMo

The Aunyain - Tusked Magicians


'Snot scary.

These are boar-men who were created from human worshippers by an evil god named Aunyaina, and either gather in small families or become rulers of human or D-Bee tribes, and often gather up people to sacrifice to their master. They don't like vampires or ellal, because they're competition. Aunyaina isn't really interested in this Earth, but appreciates the sacrifices.

Stat-wise they're not far from the human spread of attributes, mostly just being a little smarter, stronger, hearty, and faster than humans, but uglier because boars. They have about 100+ M.D.C., can turn invisible in shadows, take half damage from energy attacks because why not, see invisible stuff, turn into a giant tapir ("South American boar", it claims), and regenerate slowly. They also get some modest spellcasting and immunity to possession and mind control. Also they have the same skills as the Totem Warrior because they're running out of space.

Aunyaina was an evil monster from mythology, though mostly he was just an evil humanoid monster with tusks; boars weren't introduced to the continent until the Europeans came. He wasn't really a god, though, just when he died from a fall while chasing some kids, he split into reptiles and lizards, like monsters do. Not many legendary monsters get to die by "falling from tree". Also, tapirs aren't related to boars at all, they're actually closer to rhinos. So really this is just whole-cloth kinda stuff.

Next: Boats! Are you excited? Of course you aren't.

Alien Rope Burn fucked around with this message at 04:32 on May 26, 2015

theironjef
Aug 11, 2009

The archmage of unexpected stinks.

Those manta rays appear to just be renamed Ixitxachitl. Remember them? Evil vampire manta rays? 30% of them are clerics?

Alien Rope Burn
Dec 5, 2004

I wanna be a saikyo HERO!

theironjef posted:

Those manta rays appear to just be renamed Ixitxachitl. Remember them? Evil vampire manta rays? 30% of them are clerics?

Ah, here we go:

quote:

Manta

In the lore of Araucanians, a monster in the form of a cuttlefish. This monster, which lives in deep lakes, is said to drag people under the water and eat them. It may mate with various other animals, producing yet more monsters. It can be killed by the shrub quisco which has many sharp spines. The beast itself is said to have four eyes, with hundreds of smaller eyes round the edges of its mantle. In some references, known as Manta, Hueca, Hueca, Telque-huecuve, Telque-huecuve, Huecu, Huecu, trelque huecuvu, trelque huecuvu or huecuvu.

Sounds like some confusion between the name (which is just Spanish or Portuguese for "mantle") and the namesake, because that doesn't sound like a manta ray at all. In fact, it sounds like they made two names for the same monster into two monsters.

Alien Rope Burn fucked around with this message at 23:34 on May 20, 2015

Simian_Prime
Nov 6, 2011

When they passed out body parts in the comics today, I got Cathy's nose and Dick Tracy's private parts.

Traveller posted:


Sure you want to hold your torch like that?

That's not a torch - he just likes to quaff a nice Flamin' Homer Moe before every dungeon crawl. :guinness:

ZorajitZorajit
Sep 15, 2013

No static at all...

theironjef posted:

Those manta rays appear to just be renamed Ixitxachitl. Remember them? Evil vampire manta rays? 30% of them are clerics?

Just wanted to let you know that I've ordered myself up a :krad: Cheese Dudes shirt. I'm a consumer whore!

theironjef
Aug 11, 2009

The archmage of unexpected stinks.

ZorajitZorajit posted:

Just wanted to let you know that I've ordered myself up a :krad: Cheese Dudes shirt. I'm a consumer whore!

Nice! Let me know how it looks when it gets there. Haven't seen one in person myself yet.

AmiYumi
Oct 10, 2005

I FORGOT TO HAIL KING TORG

theironjef posted:

Hey I know this is a thousand pages old but what's in the MAID episode you like so much? The source material? Our guest host? The examples of play skits? I'm just researching for methods to improve the show in future episodes and that one has been really popular in terms of downloads and so on.

Was it the Double Lolita Crunch?
I was partly joking, because that's one of 2-3 episodes I have saved and listen to, and I just picked the one that was...well, MAID. I'm not sure exactly what it is; the guest chemistry is really good, it's a game I'm familiar with but is definitely niche and weird enough that you covering it makes perfect sense, it's either the first or second of your podcasts I listened to, and as much as I like getting a good Two Minutes Hate session about a game there's something satisfying about hearing you talk about a part of a system that you enjoyed (even moreso than the usual Q/A at the end). It's like a Chinese epic; all of the disparate elements that should fight for attention managed to somehow combine into a greater whole.

It's also nice to hear someone else agree with my opinion that MAID suffers from the "I want to play/run this but am automatically suspicious/disgusted with anyone else who would play this" problem.

...I'm going to try to order a Double Lolita Crunch next time I end up at a Taco Bell.

theironjef posted:

Nice! Let me know how it looks when it gets there. Haven't seen one in person myself yet.
I remembered right after ordering that the cat threw up on my horse mask and I had to toss it out. Now how will I anonymize my selfies for the internet?

theironjef
Aug 11, 2009

The archmage of unexpected stinks.

AmiYumi posted:

I was partly joking, because that's one of 2-3 episodes I have saved and listen to, and I just picked the one that was...well, MAID. I'm not sure exactly what it is; the guest chemistry is really good, it's a game I'm familiar with but is definitely niche and weird enough that you covering it makes perfect sense, it's either the first or second of your podcasts I listened to, and as much as I like getting a good Two Minutes Hate session about a game there's something satisfying about hearing you talk about a part of a system that you enjoyed (even moreso than the usual Q/A at the end). It's like a Chinese epic; all of the disparate elements that should fight for attention managed to somehow combine into a greater whole.

It's also nice to hear someone else agree with my opinion that MAID suffers from the "I want to play/run this but am automatically suspicious/disgusted with anyone else who would play this" problem.

...I'm going to try to order a Double Lolita Crunch next time I end up at a Taco Bell.

I remembered right after ordering that the cat threw up on my horse mask and I had to toss it out. Now how will I anonymize my selfies for the internet?

That all makes sense. Claire's a really good friend of both of ours. We're attending her wedding next Saturday even. Also we just got invited to do a liveplay session with one of the offshoot podcasts of the One Shot RPG people, on a new show called She's a Super Geek, and they've asked us to suggest a terrible RPG that can be played easily, so we're gonna push for MAID.

Put the shirt on your traitorous cat.

theironjef fucked around with this message at 05:11 on May 21, 2015

Wrestlepig
Feb 25, 2011

my mum says im cool

Toilet Rascal
I'm listening to the maid episode now, and would kill for a version of this that drew from British farces instead of Japanese fetish porn.

Kavak
Aug 23, 2009


Carry On in Waterdeep?

Wrestlepig
Feb 25, 2011

my mum says im cool

Toilet Rascal
I don't care what the setting is as long as there's a random moustache table.

theironjef
Aug 11, 2009

The archmage of unexpected stinks.

chaos rhames posted:

I'm listening to the maid episode now, and would kill for a version of this that drew from British farces instead of Japanese fetish porn.

Downton Grabby

BerkerkLurk
Jul 22, 2001

I could never sleep my way to the top 'cause my alarm clock always wakes me right up

Alien Rope Burn posted:


"Sir! The robot dinosaur is pissing on us!"
For my money, this is the definitive example of Palladium Dick Guns. Love this picture.

Waffleman_
Jan 20, 2011


I don't wanna I don't wanna I don't wanna I don't wanna!!!

chaos rhames posted:

I'm listening to the maid episode now, and would kill for a version of this that drew from British farces instead of Japanese fetish porn.

Fawlty Rolls

Halloween Jack
Sep 12, 2003

La morte non ha sesso



Before getting into the history section of Legacy, I’ll put to rest something that came up after the last update. “Immortals can only be killed by severing completely the spinal column between the Immortal’s head and heart.”

I thought this was interesting and a wise move. Assuming the characters will play by the conventions of Highlander, they’re not limited to swords and the occasional axe. They can fight with spears and staves, or even maces or something exotic like a kusarigama, as long as they finish off their enemy with a stout blow to the back of the neck. (How to sever someone’s spine is actually a delicate topic to be Googling ever since Freddie Gray was murdered. I know you can inflict a fatal neck injury with your bare hands; I don’t know if you can sever the spine completely.)

Alas, it is not to be! Legacy discusses “severing the spine” but it’s clear that the authors only understood that in the context of hacking or blasting someone’s head off. The combat chapter says that Immortals can be killed by an edged weapon attack to the neck, a gunshot to the neck or upper back, or massive damage from an explosion. If you understand spinal injury and play Legacy that way, it would be an odd departure from the Highlander trope wherein the villain goes on a suicidal joyride because he knows he can’t die in a car crash. Legacy Immortals can survive having their brains blown out, but there’s a chance they could get killed playing football. Moving on...


Yeah Dad, your sword looks “wicked.” Can we go to the mall now?

Legacy Part 2: A Barbarous Age

Like everyone else, Immortals change over time. An Immortal who was born in ancient Greece isn’t a half-witted caveman who thinks that airplanes are monsters and that Zeus is speaking through the television. That said, technology has not only changed in the past century, it’s changed more rapidly, and old Immortals find it hard to totally move past the sense that modern technology is magical. It’s common for Immortals to experience a moment where they look up at skyscrapers looming overhead, or see cars zipping by, and forget where they are for a second.

That said, the hardest thing for old Immortals to change is their attitudes. Computers, airplanes, and Ugg boots are easier to accept than feminism and democracy. Elder Immortals are far from uniformly barbaric, however. If nothing else, they take the Traditions much more seriously.

Legacy’s writeup of Immortal and mortal history is really not bad. It frames the general picture of Immortal history as a product of the Immortals who had their heyday in the Age of Enlightenment, which is why it’s highly Eurocentric and divided into eras gives short shrift to the Middle Ages and everything before Rome.


Dennis, we’re not married anymore. I’m dead. You can’t just keep showing up like this. I’m fine. Dennis, I want you to leave.

The first recognized era in Immortal history is the Age of Myth, when Immortals had a much greater effect on history than they do now--the early accounts of epic heroes and god-kings are believed to be stories of Immortals. These early Immortals didn’t have elders to teach them, and many of them lived centuries before realizing that they weren’t unique (and that they weren’t conceived by a lady loving a ray of sunshine or whatever). Immortals believe that Gilgamesh was the first of their kind in recorded history, and that Hammurabi had an Immortal advisor who helped him piece together his legal code from earlier ones. Menes, the founder of Egypt’s first dynasty, was immortal as well. Early Immortals ruled city-states or advised those who did. Modern Immortals label them “Antediluvians,” just like the ancient vampires in Vampire: the Masquerade. And just like in Vampire, it’s commonly believed that they’re all long dead.

The next recognized era is the Age of Rome. Immortal denizens of the Roman world took it for granted that they were living in the most advanced and cosmopolitan civilization in existence. They were wise enough to realize that they couldn’t openly rule as gods anymore, but rather than live as citizens of the great empires, they ruled petty kingdoms in remote areas where it was safe to encourage the belief that they were divine. Immortals from this era are called Imperials, and the Tradition of Introduction developed during this time. (Immortals still debate whether Jesus was an Immortal--if so, he was the one with the greatest effect on the Roman Empire.)


Forget this! gently caress the napkin!

After the fall of the Rome came the Age of Faith--still called the Dark Ages by some modern Immortals. Many Immortals born in the Middle Ages are still devout Christians (and violently reject the idea that Jesus was “only” an Immortal). Legacy explicitly takes the stance that most of the criticism of the Church and of the “Dark Ages” in general is unfounded; the Church was a stabilizing influence and the establishment of medieval cities created cultural centers and raised the standard of living.

One black mark on the history of the Church is the Inquisition. Legacy only discusses the medieval Inquisition leading up to the Albigensian Crusade, not the later Inquisitions in Spain, Germany, Portugal, and Rome. You see, the ascetic practices in Catharism appealed to Immortals, who could actually starve and deny themselves indefinitely. Unfortunately, that made them easy prey for armed crusaders. The Inquisition tortured and experimented on them until they figured out how to kill Immortals.


Another one of Mom’s vacation photos that slipped past the art director.


After the Age of Faith came the Age of Revolution, covering roughly the 16th-19th centuries and the accomplishments of thinkers from Galileo to Montesquieu. This era’s greatest contribution to Immortal culture seems to have been the Enlightenment. Immortals began questioning whether their powers had a mystical or a scientific origin, or both--for example, could their powers of regeneration come from a symbiotic microorganism? Do Immortals die when their upper spine is severed because of something contained in the spine itself, or because of kundalini? No scientific investigations have ever yielded any hard data, unfortunately. But it was during the Enlightenment that Immortal intellectuals firmly divided their own history into the Ages of Myth, Faith, and Revolution, and who labeled Immortals as Antediluvians, Imperials, Medievals, and Moderns.

I have to give credit where credit is due, and I must say that Legacy makes interesting choices when it comes to naming historical figures as members of its titular clan of supernatural creatures. Among fans of the World of Darkness (and its imitators), it’s an old joke that vampires, werewolves, mages, etc. were secretly behind every major event in human history except the Holocaust. For whatever reason, authors of the “dark urban fantasy” genre consider it a bridge too far to say that Hitler was a Hammer Horror monster, but Jesus and James Dean are fair game.

Legacy does toy with the idea that Jesus might have been an Immortal. But the most influential Immortal who ever lived is confirmed to be...Gustavus Adolphus, the King of Sweden who triumphed in the Thirty Years War’ and made Sweden a great power. His reign ended after his “death” in battle. (Strangely, it doesn’t say what happened to him after. It doesn’t say that he was beheaded, and he had many Immortal followers.) Another prominent Immortal in history was George Danton, one of Robespierre’s co-conspirators in the French Revolution. His story has a definite end: like the real Danton, he was arrested and guillotined amid the Reign of Terror he helped create.


Corey Feldman scheduled a duel right after his buddy’s Ugly Christmas Sweater party.

Following the Age of Revolution, Immortals have labeled the 20th century the Age of Madness. It’s easy to see why. The defining features of this era were industrialism, colonialism, and nationalism. Inside of 50 years there were two World Wars, and industry was applied to warfare and systematic genocide as mortals developed weapons that could kill millions of people. War, bigotry, and technological advancement have been going on all through human history, but to Immortals it seemed like the world had gone insane.

Besides the eruptions of fascism and warfare, to Immortals everything seemed to be happening too fast. New technologies were introduced and became obsolete within the span of a human lifetime. And in the postwar era, the invention that has had the greatest impact on Immortals is the computer. In a few decades they went from huge, expensive, experimental novelties to a worldwide network of information that records identities and transactions. It gets harder all the time for Immortals to either live off the grid or hide within it.

The year is now 2015, and most Immortals believe the Age of Madness is wrapping up. However, many note the shortening of historical eras and take it as a sign of Ragnarok approaching. Some respond by hunting heads to shore up their strength, others by retreating in seclusion. That said, the outlook on “Post-Modern” Immortals is fairly optimistic. They don’t share the superstitions of their elders, they’re able to learn from the past without repeating it, and they’re more willing to accept both new technology and new ideas.

So, in this bleak Techno-Gothic Post-Modern 2015, most meaningful information is processed through the Winternet. The Winternet itself is a more-or-less emergent phenomenon that came about as various “corporate data structures” (this phrase is repeated over and over) merged with the online presence of banks, schools, etc. So basically, the Winternet is the Internet, with “tailored newslinks” and other things I can sum up by saying that the authors of Legacy were prescient enough to foresee RSS feeds and online banking.


Ha! Ha! I’m using the Winternet!

The one thing the Winternet has going for it is...virtual reality, of course! It’s described as a “dazzling” world of “brilliant threads” that seems almost real. But this is virtual reality as they imagined it in 1993, so I’m picturing something more like Stonekeep with boners and credit card fraud. Like any 90s cyberpunk setting, the Techno-Gothic world of the Winternet is home to “cyber-punks” who get off on circumventing the cybersecurity “ice” set up by megacorporations. Cyber-punks who graduate to the ranks of professional cybercriminals are called “wiretappers,” using their VR hacking skills to commit acts of espionage, sabotage, and theft. Most have short careers. Some make a pile of money and retire, while those who get caught are usually “punished” with a job offer from a megacorporation.


I know everything! I am everything!

Sad to say, while computer hacking skills are very useful to Immortals who want to protect their identities and forge new ones, they’ll never be the slickest console cowboys around. Full-on VR requires an implanted neural link interface, and Immortal bodies reject cybernetics. They have to make due with holographic 3D VR, which just isn’t responsive enough to allow you to win fights with antivirus programs that look like samurai or whatever.

It seems like VR and “cyberpunks” were included because they thought it was obligatory, but they come right out and say that while these skills are useful to Immortals, they can’t be especially good at it. What’s the point?

The coming Age of history has already experienced its first catastrophe--the Iago Project. Iago was an artificial intelligence, part of an experiment in allowing an AI to run a prototype national defense system. Iago was online for less than two days before it tried to seize control of nuclear arsenals and launch them in a pattern calculated to end life on Earth. Fortunately, failsafes detected Iago’s activities and triggered a nuclear device that obliterated the facility. The global outrage in the wake of Iago resulted in the 2005 Geneva Conference, where politicians and diplomats declared a hundred-year moratorium on self-modifying AIs.

Besides the Winternet, the major innovation in people’s daily lives is the GenCode card. After the Human Genome Project successfully mapped the, y’know, human genome, the powers that be decided that the only way to keep track of people in the digital age was to use their DNA. Everyone has a GenCode card which is coded to their DNA and serves as the terminal for accessing all their personal information--bank accounts, employment info, medical history, criminal record, etc. The cards are made from a virtually indestructible black polymer, and what’s more, they serve as personal computers, able to access the Winternet and act as a 3D holographic phone. GenCode cards also allow your location to be tracked at any time, but most governments require a court order for the police to do this.


Tears for Fears? In my credit card?
It’s more likely than you think.



Next time, on Legacy: Character creation!

theironjef
Aug 11, 2009

The archmage of unexpected stinks.

Halloween Jack posted:


Ha! Ha! I’m using the Winternet!

Bruce Campell, photo credit to someone with one of those cameras that you could attach to a gameboy.

Doresh
Jan 7, 2015

Alien Rope Burn posted:

Sounds like some confusion between the name (which is just Spanish or Portuguese for "mantle") and the namesake, because that doesn't sound like a manta ray at all. In fact, it sounds like they made two names for the same monster into two monsters.

This is just what the Shin Megami Tensei series is doing (there are like 5 different versions of the Devil - some of which are on opposing sides in the main series' metaplot), except in dumb.

AmiYumi posted:

It's also nice to hear someone else agree with my opinion that MAID suffers from the "I want to play/run this but am automatically suspicious/disgusted with anyone else who would play this" problem.

The line between whacky harem slapstick and disturbing hentai is a very thin one...

chaos rhames posted:

I'm listening to the maid episode now, and would kill for a version of this that drew from British farces instead of Japanese fetish porn.

I would mildly annoy for a proper treatment of the source material set in the World of Darkness. We need a Maid: The Servening. I can't come up with the obligatory 5ish classes and organizations mandated my law, but we'll figure something out.

(Though I guess we can have the classes be centered around one of Maid RPG's 6 attributes)

Halloween Jack posted:




Before getting into the history section of Legacy, I’ll put to rest something that came up after the last update. “Immortals can only be killed by severing completely the spinal column between the Immortal’s head and heart.”

Hey, this is roughly the same weakpoint location as in Attack on Titan.

Halloween Jack posted:

The coming Age of history has already experienced its first catastrophe--the Iago Project. Iago was an artificial intelligence, part of an experiment in allowing an AI to run a prototype national defense system. Iago was online for less than two days before it tried to seize control of nuclear arsenals and launch them in a pattern calculated to end life on Earth. Fortunately, failsafes detected Iago’s activities and triggered a nuclear device that obliterated the facility. The global outrage in the wake of Iago resulted in the 2005 Geneva Conference, where politicians and diplomats declared a hundred-year moratorium on self-modifying AIs.

I think the real monster here is the guy who thought it was a good idea to give a prototype defense system winternet access to real ICBMs.

Doresh fucked around with this message at 19:56 on May 21, 2015

Selachian
Oct 9, 2012

theironjef posted:

Bruce Campell, photo credit to someone with one of those cameras that you could attach to a gameboy.

I was thinking a slightly chunkier Mitt Romney.

theironjef
Aug 11, 2009

The archmage of unexpected stinks.

Doresh posted:

I would mildly annoy for a proper treatment of the source material set in the World of Darkness. We need a Maid: The Servening. I can't come up with the obligatory 5ish classes and organizations mandated my law, but we'll figure something out.

(Though I guess we can have the classes be centered around one of Maid RPG's 6 attributes)

Ooh, could it also be way too long and complicated? Bonus points if it's like 400 pages and 100 of those are just line item descriptions of how each type of maid feels about each type of other white wolf mythos whatever.

Kurieg
Jul 19, 2012

RIP Lutri: 5/19/20-4/2/20
:blizz::gamefreak:

theironjef posted:

Ooh, could it also be way too long and complicated? Bonus points if it's like 400 pages and 100 of those are just line item descriptions of how each type of maid feels about each type of other white wolf mythos whatever.
Make sure to have them get really passive aggressive and snarky about other kinds of Maids too. How dare they not feel exactly the same as I do about things!

theironjef
Aug 11, 2009

The archmage of unexpected stinks.

Kurieg posted:

Make sure to have them get really passive aggressive and snarky about other kinds of Maids too. How dare they not feel exactly the same as I do about things!

Cool maids tend to think that Tzimisce are arrogant and uppercrust-y, and generally will plan to serve their tea just slightly too hot before stealing their panties.

Lolita maids view changelings as weak and stupid and are definitely stronger than changelings.

Sexy maid. Sexy maid. Sexy maid hates Lolita Maid. They have a fight, sexy maid wins. Sexy maid.

LornMarkus
Nov 8, 2011

theironjef posted:

Ooh, could it also be way too long and complicated? Bonus points if it's like 400 pages and 100 of those are just line item descriptions of how each type of maid feels about each type of other white wolf mythos whatever.

. . . and now I want a MAID game where a bunch of Maids serve an Antediluvian in torpor, and basically they're all crazy and just making up commands in the absence of input (possibly because they're trapped in its tomb/mansion).

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Kai Tave
Jul 2, 2012
Fallen Rib
Y'know, credit where it's due, Immortal's backstory isn't as dumb as I thought it was going to be and actually has some clever bits. I mean, I don't know how much of it was wholesale ripped off of Highlander: the Series, but still.

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