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EngineerSean
Feb 9, 2004

by zen death robot


I wonder what kind of speaking fees I could get for talking at these kinds of things. I mean, one of the number one things that I would say is "if you want sales, write to your genre" which in science fiction is like pulling someone's heart out, but I can't imagine I'd do worse than these jokers.

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Bobby Deluxe
May 9, 2004

this changes nothing, i am still dead inside

If you want to get paid to talk about writing, contact UK universities that run writing courses. Nobody has any idea about self publishing, so if you just throw some numbers at them about how much you're making, they'll be baffled with disbelief into getting you in to guest lecture.

Our uni got a ton of consultants in because none of their full time staff know about anything except how trad publishing worked 10 years ago (one of ours was still talking about advances).

PoshAlligator
Jan 9, 2012

When SEO just isn't enough.


Please teach people about self-publishing.

TheForgotton
Jun 10, 2001

I'm making a career of evil.

PoshAlligator posted:

The only people that get names in this blurb are the men. Maybe don't?
[quote]
I didn't even realize I did that. No names for the other characters, then?

[quote]
I feel like this is telling me a bit too much, actually. I'm not great at blurbs, though. This doesn't really come across as the kind of fun, goofy that would sell me, it sounds more like a generic stoner adventure. Amp it up. Excite me.
Thanks. I wasn't sure if I should go into more specifics on his misadventures or not.

Grammaton posted:

Just a couple editing corrections. Copy and paste that long dash, it looks better than the short dashes. I like the blurb, it's a nice teaser.
Thanks. I can't believe I let an "it's" slip in there.

Latest version:
When neurotic horror-movie buff Martin Bowers sins, he sins big. An abandoned set of car keys in a theater tempts him to take an attractive coworker on a joyride in the middle of the night. Paranoia builds and hallucinated voices threaten to ruin his impromptu date as he worries about getting caught by the police or by his long-term girlfriend. Those may be the least of his concerns after he finds chloroform, handcuffs, and knives in the trunk. Martin turns to a stoner bodhisattva for advice on navigating the streets of South Florida's underbelly and soon learns that getting rid of the stolen car won't be easy, especially now that its rightful owner has his number — and his girlfriend.

EngineerSean
Feb 9, 2004

by zen death robot


Haha definitely not going to the UK, thanks for the reality check.

psychopomp
Jan 27, 2011


I sat on a WorldCon panel. I was the only self-pubbed author with these Hugo and Nebula award winning authors, so even though I was outclassed in every conceivable way I was fielding many of the questions.

I like doing panels, but I never remember to sign myself up for any until it's too late.

psychopomp fucked around with this message at 21:42 on Dec 18, 2015

ravenkult
Feb 3, 2011




Here's a book my small press has put a lot of work into. It's available for pre-order, but it'll be on Amazon on September 18th.



(hosting mine)

The Mind is a Razorblade is a supernatural neo-noir horror novel of a man born into death. Drowning, he wakes beside two corpses. His memory has been wiped clean. He doesn’t know his name, what he’s doing here, who these people are, or even why one of them is a cop. Nor can he explain his strange telekinetic abilities. Questions plague his mind like hellfire, questions that begin a journey leading into the rot of downtown America, a journey that will not end until every one of his questions have been answered, despite who has to die in the process. Even if those who have all the answers aren’t even human.

A story of identity and redemption, satanic cults and funny bunny slippers, The Mind is a Razorblade is the deformed lovechild of a lunatic raised on cheesy ‘80’s science fiction movies.



Hope this one does well. Small press sucks.

Yooper
Apr 30, 2012



Hey I know that guy!

Bravo to Max.

That cover is creepy as gently caress. I thought it was a tree limb. Nope, it's a giant loving spider. (Edit-That's a compliment by the way, the cover is awesome)

Jalumibnkrayal
Apr 16, 2008



Ramrod XTreme

ravenkult posted:

A story of identity and redemption, satanic cults and funny bunny slippers, The Mind is a Razorblade is the deformed lovechild of a lunatic raised on cheesy ‘80’s science fiction movies.

I liked the blurb till I got to this part. It's kinda random and seems to undermine the paragraph before it, which was suspenseful. Plus I don't know why I have to hear about the author's depiction of himself. I also want to know more about the antagonistic force(s).

Bobby Deluxe
May 9, 2004

this changes nothing, i am still dead inside

Hrrm. While trying to write an erotica short I seem to have accidentally written the beginning of a fifty shades steamy romance thing.

This is the problem with my brain. It won't cut straight to the action because it desperately clings to the setup, but then it can't quite manage to string stories out past 10k.

I suck at this :(

Sundae
Dec 1, 2005

by sebmojo


Bobby Deluxe posted:

Hrrm. While trying to write an erotica short I seem to have accidentally written the beginning of a fifty shades steamy romance thing.

This is the problem with my brain. It won't cut straight to the action because it desperately clings to the setup, but then it can't quite manage to string stories out past 10k.

I suck at this :(

Sounds like something you need to keep fleshing out and then promote like crazy right around Valentine's Day 2015, huh? :)

(Fifty Shades movie comes out 14FEB2015)

Bobby Deluxe
May 9, 2004

this changes nothing, i am still dead inside

I think I might be able to spin it out to 10k, unless I go for a pretty woman clone and then I might make a terrible 50k.

I kind of feel like I could do with someone casting an eye over it just so I can see if it's actually sexually charged and cheesy enough, or if I just think it is because I really, really don't normally write romance. Might get the missus to look it over.

EngineerSean
Feb 9, 2004

by zen death robot


If you think there's a possibility that your book is not sexually charged enough, it probably isn't.

Hijinks Ensue
Jul 24, 2007


This is a good opportunity to ask a question that I've been pondering: What is the difference between a sexy romance and erotica? I've got an idea for a serialized sexy romance. I probably shouldn't be worrying about categories until I've actually written it, but what is the plot-to-sex ratio for a sexy romance vs. erotica? This will definitely have characters and a plot (albeit a fluffy one - this series will be a jolly romp as opposed to angst-and-bondage).

psychopomp
Jan 27, 2011


From what I understand it's less of a plot-to-sex ratio as it is the focus of the plot. Is the protagonist's goal sex related or relationship related? If the latter, it's a romance. The former, erotica. Either can include copious amounts of sex; the difference is in why all the fuckin'.

Disclaimer: I can't write either, so this is a second-hand understanding.

EngineerSean
Feb 9, 2004

by zen death robot


psychopomp posted:

From what I understand it's less of a plot-to-sex ratio as it is the focus of the plot. Is the protagonist's goal sex related or relationship related? If the latter, it's a romance. The former, erotica. Either can include copious amounts of sex; the difference is in why all the fuckin'.

Disclaimer: I can't write either, so this is a second-hand understanding.

It's pretty close, to be honest! Romance is about the feelings (which may include a lot of sex for an erotic romance), erotica is all about the sex. Most erotica is shorter, most romance is longer. If you do a romance serial and it's less than 20k words a volume, be prepared to get a ton of "ugh they didn't finish writing the story, just trying to get another $3 out of my wallet" reviews.

Hijinks Ensue
Jul 24, 2007


Thanks! This is very helpful.

I figure that I'd do three books of around 20-25K apiece. Each would have a story arc, so the reader would get a happily-ever-after at the end of each and not feel ripped off. I'd also keep the price low.

Edit: Why on earth am I getting "Big Idiot Bad Post" for my avatar?

EngineerSean
Feb 9, 2004

by zen death robot


Hijinks Ensue posted:

Edit: Why on earth am I getting "Big Idiot Bad Post" for my avatar?

to encourage you to buy a new avatar

mostkillingest
Nov 21, 2002


My wife recently self-published and I need some good ideas on how to help her get the word out. It is a light sci-fi novel.

http://www.amazon.com/Violet-Veterox-A-Crouch-ebook/dp/B00MR4T7E2

Blurb:
Twenty-five years ago, a virulent strain of the influenza virus emerged. It tore across the world, ravaged the population, and viciously killed three-and-a-half billion people. Evangeline’s parent’s survived. Five years after it ended, during society’s ascent back to normalcy, she was born. She’d grown up reading about the plague in books and hearing somber stories from the people surrounding her. She often wondered what it would be like to survive a pandemic or catastrophic event, being forced to watch as all of one’s family and friends died along the way. She never anticipated having to answer the question, but fate would cruelly propel her into responding and the resulting inferno would engulf her entire life.


There is also a sample at smashwords.

https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/467543

Please let me know how I can help her move her effort to the next level.

Bobby Deluxe
May 9, 2004

this changes nothing, i am still dead inside

Hijinks Ensue posted:

This is a good opportunity to ask a question that I've been pondering: What is the difference between a sexy romance and erotica?
With romance, plot comes first and sex is something that makes the plot more interesting if it ever happens.

With erotica, sex comes first and plot is something that makes the sex more interesting if it ever happens.

The wife liked what I wrote and judged it erotica so I shall mention it no more.

moana
Jun 18, 2005

one of the more intellectual satire communities on the web


mostkillingest posted:

Blurb:
Twenty-five years ago, a virulent strain of the influenza virus emerged. It tore across the world, ravaged the population, and viciously killed three-and-a-half billion people. Evangeline’s parent’s survived. Five years after it ended, during society’s ascent back to normalcy, she was born. She’d grown up reading about the plague in books and hearing somber stories from the people surrounding her. She often wondered what it would be like to survive a pandemic or catastrophic event, being forced to watch as all of one’s family and friends died along the way. She never anticipated having to answer the question, but fate would cruelly propel her into responding and the resulting inferno would engulf her entire life.
This blurb needs a ton of work. If there's a typo in the blurb, I assume that the book is going to suck poo poo, because if they didn't proofread the blurb, they sure as hell didn't proofread the whole book.
"Evangeline’s parent’s survived."

After "it" ended. After what ended? the virus? Viruses don't "end"

"fate would propel her into responding" - responding to what? The resulting inferno of what? I don't know if it's another virus outbreak or a big fire or some other catastrophe, that's how generic the blurb is.

I don't know who Evangeline is, what she's like, or anything about her. Is she a strong hero? Will she help save the world? It kind of sounds like she's a passive survivor, which is boring as hell. The cover is pretty but doesn't give me a sense of what the book is about at all. Change the cover and blurb to give the audience a better idea of what the heck they can expect inside. It's a romance and you never mention the hero or the love story at all? What?

Also, not to burst her bubble, but I wrote a science fiction romance once, and what took me to another level was: never writing a science fiction romance again.

Jalumibnkrayal
Apr 16, 2008



Ramrod XTreme

mostkillingest posted:

My wife recently self-published and I need some good ideas on how to help her get the word out. It is a light sci-fi novel.

http://www.amazon.com/Violet-Veterox-A-Crouch-ebook/dp/B00MR4T7E2

Blurb:
Twenty-five years ago, a virulent strain of the influenza virus emerged. It tore across the world, ravaged the population, and viciously killed three-and-a-half billion people. Evangeline’s parent’s survived. Five years after it ended, during society’s ascent back to normalcy, she was born. She’d grown up reading about the plague in books and hearing somber stories from the people surrounding her. She often wondered what it would be like to survive a pandemic or catastrophic event, being forced to watch as all of one’s family and friends died along the way. She never anticipated having to answer the question, but fate would cruelly propel her into responding and the resulting inferno would engulf her entire life.


There is also a sample at smashwords.

https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/467543

Please let me know how I can help her move her effort to the next level.

1. The cover doesn't say post-apoc to me. It says medical romance/chick lit. The blurb sounds a LOT like Hugh Howey's Wool series (which is great because people are going buttfuck for those books). I would probably aim for an orange/red cover, maybe a desolate landscape.
2. I don't know what a Veterox is, so the title doesn't help me out. The term isn't defined in the blurb either. Is it the name of the virus? Is it an alien species?
3. Plug the blurb into hemingwayapp.com. The last sentence is especially hard to parse. I would do shorter sentences.
4. "pandemic or catastrophic event" Pick one. Make a strong choice.
5. The blurb seems to state as a fact that all her friends and family are going to die. If that's what the story is about, I think it should be pitched as the stakes of the book: Can Evangeline save everyone around her, etc? Entice me with the notion that everything hangs in the balance, and if the main character fails everyone dies.
6. The wording of the blurb is very passive. She's forced, cruelly propelled, etc. I'd rather the main character have agency. Tell me what she wants and the things she does to get them. If she's just a victim of fate...that's a tough sell.
7. I'm not seeing a pagecount or wordcount. I don't know if it's a 10k word short or a 200k word epic. Amazon usually automatically puts in the pagecount so I'm not sure why it's not showing up.

People will pick up your book if the title, cover, and blurb all match up to what they want. Genre fiction has expectations: meet them. But to specifically answer your question, I'd put it up for free then market it to all the websites that do promos for that genre. Then I'd go to Fiverr and pay BKnights $5 to promote it to his email list. I did that with my short over the weekend and got around 900 downloads. I wouldn't spend more than a day on this: more time than that should go into the next book. Nothing will be better marketing than the next book.

EngineerSean
Feb 9, 2004

by zen death robot


moana posted:

Also, not to burst her bubble, but I wrote a science fiction romance once, and what took me to another level was: never writing a science fiction romance again.

This is really eating at you today :/

moana
Jun 18, 2005

one of the more intellectual satire communities on the web


Mistakes were made; it was my first novel. Everybody hates their firstborn, right? RIGHT?

EngineerSean
Feb 9, 2004

by zen death robot


I happen to be the firstborn :negative:

PoshAlligator
Jan 9, 2012

When SEO just isn't enough.


ravenkult posted:

Here's a book my small press has put a lot of work into. It's available for pre-order, but it'll be on Amazon on September 18th.



(hosting mine)

The Mind is a Razorblade is a supernatural neo-noir horror novel of a man born into death. Drowning, he wakes beside two corpses. His memory has been wiped clean. He doesn’t know his name, what he’s doing here, who these people are, or even why one of them is a cop. Nor can he explain his strange telekinetic abilities. Questions plague his mind like hellfire, questions that begin a journey leading into the rot of downtown America, a journey that will not end until every one of his questions have been answered, despite who has to die in the process. Even if those who have all the answers aren’t even human.

A story of identity and redemption, satanic cults and funny bunny slippers, The Mind is a Razorblade is the deformed lovechild of a lunatic raised on cheesy ‘80’s science fiction movies.



Hope this one does well. Small press sucks.

Creepy cover, love it. Good job.

Your press looks pretty good and small presses always interest me, though I guess running it is a chore? How's that going? How did that anthology go?

ravenkult
Feb 3, 2011




PoshAlligator posted:

Creepy cover, love it. Good job.

Your press looks pretty good and small presses always interest me, though I guess running it is a chore? How's that going? How did that anthology go?

Thanks man. Also thanks to the poster above for the blurb comment, taking it into consideration.

It's a lot of work, the profit margins are slim but I do everything myself so I keep costs down.
That anthology did well both by mine and small press standards. Made about 650$ or about 130 sales in 6 months.

Grammaton
Feb 3, 2004
Cleric

Is it better to write a romance novel in first or third person?

moana
Jun 18, 2005

one of the more intellectual satire communities on the web


Grammaton posted:

Is it better to write a romance novel in first or third person?
Depends on the subgenre. Check your subgenre's bestsellers. New adult is mostly 1st, historical is mostly 3rd, for example.

Mr. Pumroy
May 20, 2001



Okay, so.

For a couple years I've been working on-and-off on a manuscript. After writing and re-writing I feel like I've taken it as far as I can on my own. I've given a copy to some friends and family and they say the kinds of things that friends and family always say (oh it's the best thing blah blah) so it's time I get more gimlet-eyed feedback because I do want it to be the best it can be. Within reason and budget.

I got in touch with an editor, Max Booth III, whose link I followed from the OP and I liked what I saw of his blog and a few book samples I read. I feel he's a good (and economical) choice, so I think I'll go with him as far as line editing the actual manuscript.

For the cover I have an artist lined up who I know personally and whose work fits in with the genre I'm writing, so I feel that part's sewn up although she won't be able to begin even preliminary work until the end of the month.

So I want to hear what you all have to say about my blurb. Tear it apart:

quote:

Even before her parents' tumultuous divorce, 15-year old Carrie Collier was no stranger to having her life constantly uprooted. But when her father's insurance company transfers him to the city of Bybridge she must grapple with an entirely new level of culture shock. Bybridge, a city on an artificial island off the coast of New Jersey, is home to the world's largest population of superhumans, aliens, and other strange and aberrant folk. However, it's Carrie who's declared the anomaly when the city government declares her a security risk. Then her father is kidnapped by a rampaging robot. It's a bad start to what was supposed to be a new life. Carrie must save her father from a grisly fate in the forgotten ruins far below the city, aided only by the undead, a mad scientist-in-training and a pack of insane chefs. After that comes the hard part: having a heart-to-heart talk with her father that doesn't end in a shouting match.

It's a superhero book, though it's also meant to be small send-up of the genre similar to Discworld towards fantasy settings. Except not nearly that good.

Jalumibnkrayal
Apr 16, 2008



Ramrod XTreme

Mr. Pumroy posted:

Even before her parents' tumultuous divorce,

Divorces are lovely by default, so I'd ditch tumultuous unless you are going to key into something really traumatic or painful about the divorce.

quote:

But when her father's insurance company transfers him to the city of Bybridge she must grapple with an entirely new level of culture shock.

This is a little hard to parse. Maybe add a comma after Bybridge or tighten it up a little? Grammar's not my strong suit. But I'm a dummy and I know when it's hard for a dummy to read.

quote:

Bybridge, a city on an artificial island off the coast of New Jersey, is home to the world's largest population of superhumans, aliens, and other strange and aberrant folk.

Tighten up the end of this sentence. Strange and aberrant are synonymous so choose one. It will also let you ditch that last "and" which throws the reader for a loop.

quote:

However, it's Carrie who's declared the anomaly when the city government declares her a security risk.

Too many declares and the sentence structure is too passive.

quote:

Then her father is kidnapped by a rampaging robot. It's a bad start to what was supposed to be a new life. Carrie must save her father from a grisly fate in the forgotten ruins far below the city,

First sentence is short and seems like a throwaway. Second sentence is stating the obvious. Third sentence FINALLY gets good because Carrie is doing something. How about you turn all the above into "When her father is kidnapped by a rampaging robot, Carrie must save him from a grisly fate in the forgotten ruins far below the city."

quote:

aided only by the undead, a mad scientist-in-training and a pack of insane chefs.

"Aided only by...., Carrie has to [overcome obstacle, defeat badguy, face ghost from her past, etc] or [the highest stakes you can feasibly frame your story around]"

quote:

After that comes the hard part: having a heart-to-heart talk with her father that doesn't end in a shouting match.

This relieves the plot tension in a way that I don't like. It's fine if this is the overarching theme of the book, but I don't think it helps the reader to know this in the blurb. Star Wars wasn't sold on "and then he finds out who his dad is."

Yooper
Apr 30, 2012



Mr. Pumroy posted:

Carrie Collier is no stranger to constant change. First her parents divorce, then her father moves to the city of Bybridge she must grapple with an entirely new level of culture shock. Bybridge, a city on an artificial island off the coast of New Jersey, is home to Earth's largest population of superhumans, aliens, and other strange and aberrant folk.

However, it's Carrie who's declared the anomaly when the city government declares her a security risk. Then her father is kidnapped by a rampaging robot. It's a bad start to what was supposed to be a new life. Carrie must save her father from a grisly fate in the forgotten ruins far below the city, aided only by the undead, a mad scientist-in-training and a pack of insane chefs.

Then comes the hard part: having a heart-to-heart talk with her father before it's too late.

I'd punch it up a bit. The start of the blurb plods, until I got to rampaging robot nothing grabbed me.

Max is good people, he'll do you well. Make sure your cover is up to par, not just artistically but fonts, contrasts, colors and that it fits the genre.

This link explains that well - http://www.creativindie.com/8-cover-design-secrets-publishers-use-to-manipulate-readers-into-buying-books/

mostkillingest
Nov 21, 2002


My wife rewrote her blurb to try to address some of the concerns that were brought up. The cover was already finished in the blue tone and actually looks pretty good on a print on demand cover. She had ordered a proof.

The book is 73,900 words, 262 pages.


Evangeline is ordinary. She lives an ordinary life. Her friends and family are ordinary. Only one of these statements turn out to be true. At twenty years old, Evangeline Rolieux has an idyllic life. She understands how lucky she is, being born just five years after a pandemic. Her parents were survivors of the infamous influenza virus that swept through the world and ravaged the population, killing three-and-a-half-billion people. She’s read about it in books and has heard the stories, but a spark, lit from a simple history assignment, sets fire to her curiosity and pushes her to delve deeper. Soon she’s tumbling down a path towards a startling discovery that may destroy everything she cares for. Unbeknownst to her, the currency for this knowledge will be exchanged in blood, and it’s far more than exists in her body.

Jalumibnkrayal
Apr 16, 2008



Ramrod XTreme

mostkillingest posted:

My wife rewrote her blurb to try to address some of the concerns that were brought up. The cover was already finished in the blue tone and actually looks pretty good on a print on demand cover. She had ordered a proof.

A cover can look pretty good but work against you if it doesn't meet the readers' expectations.

quote:

Evangeline is ordinary. She lives an ordinary life. Her friends and family are ordinary. Only one of these statements turn out to be true. At twenty years old, Evangeline Rolieux has an idyllic life. She understands how lucky she is, being born just five years after a pandemic. Her parents were survivors of the infamous influenza virus that swept through the world and ravaged the population, killing three-and-a-half-billion people. She’s read about it in books and has heard the stories, but a spark, lit from a simple history assignment, sets fire to her curiosity and pushes her to delve deeper. Soon she’s tumbling down a path towards a startling discovery that may destroy everything she cares for. Unbeknownst to her, the currency for this knowledge will be exchanged in blood, and it’s far more than exists in her body.

Light this blurb on fire and start again. Is this really a romance?

Mr. Pumroy
May 20, 2001



Thanks for the feedback, I really appreciate it. I'm going to work on a revised blurb as soon as I get home.

On the subject of covers is there like a database of bookcovers so I can collect a bunch and tell her "like this!"

Is that even a good idea?

moana
Jun 18, 2005

one of the more intellectual satire communities on the web


mostkillingest posted:

Evangeline is ordinary. [WOW THIS MAKES ME TOTALLY WANT TO READ ABOUT HER] She lives an ordinary life. Her friends and family are ordinary. Only one of these statements turn[TURNS, JFC PROOFREAD YOUR poo poo] out to be true. [GREAT, YOU LIED TO ME TWICE AND STILL NONE OF THOSE STATEMENTS WERE INTERESTING ENOUGH TO MAKE ME WANT TO READ THE BOOK] At twenty years old, Evangeline Rolieux has an idyllic life. [WELL I GUESS SHE DOESN'T LIVE AN ORDINARY LIFE, THAT ONE IS OUT] She understands how lucky she is, being born just five years after a pandemic. Her parents were survivors of the infamous influenza virus that swept through the world and ravaged the population, killing three-and-a-half-billion people.[HOW IS THIS IDYLLIC?] She’s read about it in books and has heard the stories, but a spark, lit from a simple history assignment, sets fire to her curiosity and pushes her to delve deeper. [SO BORED. YOUR STORY IS ABOUT A BORING PERSON WHO STARTS LEARNING ABOUT SOMETHING THAT MIGHT BE INTERESTING.] Soon she’s[SHE'S, PROOFREAD] tumbling down a path towards a startling discovery that may destroy everything she cares for. Unbeknownst to her, the currency for this knowledge will be exchanged in blood, and it’s[IT'S, NOT THAT IT MATTERS BECAUSE NO READER IS GOING TO GET THIS FAR] far more than exists in her body.

Jalumibnkrayal posted:

Light this blurb on fire and start again. Is this really a romance?
Yeah, there's nothing good at all about this blurb. It's like they don't want to give anything away about the book, and so it ends up being totally generic and uninteresting.

moana
Jun 18, 2005

one of the more intellectual satire communities on the web


Mr. Pumroy posted:

On the subject of covers is there like a database of bookcovers so I can collect a bunch and tell her "like this!"
The Amazon bestseller list in your subgenre.

Mr. Pumroy
May 20, 2001



Okay, I've rewritten the blurb. I removed the reference to the divorce, as it isn't immediately relevant to the plot and contributed to the plodding opening. The opening still might plod, but I feel like I need to at least open with a description of the city as a “this is what you're getting into with this book” kind of thing, but it does get to the meat of things sooner.

quote:

Bybridge, a city on an artificial island off the coast of New Jersey, boasts the largest population of superhumans, aliens and stranger things. It's also the new home for Carrie Collier, newly arrived with her father. Or it would be, if she weren't declared a security risk by the city's cyborg government bureaucrats and her father wasn't abducted by a rampaging robot. Aided by the undead, an aspiring mad scientist and a mob of insane chefs, Carrie must venture down into forgotten ruins deep below Bybridge to rescue her father, who is in the clutches of a madman intent on making him the first victim of a plan that would culminate in the destruction of the city.

Szmitten
Apr 26, 2008


Mr. Pumroy posted:

Okay, I've rewritten the blurb. I removed the reference to the divorce, as it isn't immediately relevant to the plot and contributed to the plodding opening. The opening still might plod, but I feel like I need to at least open with a description of the city as a “this is what you're getting into with this book” kind of thing, but it does get to the meat of things sooner.

The main thing that stands out is that you've got "new" and "newly" in the same sentence. I'm in an editing mood and pruned it a bunch of times. This is just me and feel no pressure to use it, I'm probably loving it up too (and I don't know the actual content so I can't really extrapolate anything else into it).

quote:

Bybridge is a city that boasts the largest population of superhumans, aliens, and other strange folk. It's also the new home for Carrie Collier and her father. Or rather, it would be, if Carrie wasn't declared a security risk by the city's cyborg government bureaucrats. And if her father wasn't abducted by a rampaging robot.

Aided by the undead, an aspiring mad scientist, and a mob of insane chefs, Carrie must venture deep into the ruins below the city to rescue her father from the clutches of a madman intent on making him the first victim of a grand plan that could destroy Bybridge.

I'd want to do something with that last sentence. Maybe split the villain and his plan into another sentence. It's also kinda odd to read because he was "abducted by a rampaging robot" (it might be funnier with one or two more adjectives, assuming you're going for funny) but is now in the clutches of a "madman". How does abducting him and keeping him alive long enough to kill him help destroy the city? I know you probably go into that in the story but abridged like this it looks like a leap.

You've made a weird and kinda funny world. Emphasise the funny while keeping the stakes. Keep sentences punchy and short-ish, not too meandering. The only "played-straight" sentence without any funny/weird is the one introducing Carrie and her father, and that's fine.

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Grammaton
Feb 3, 2004
Cleric

Couple questions:

Would I be stupid to lump sci-fi, fantasy and romance novels all under one author name?

For a romance novel in the first person, is it customary to write it all from the protagonist's perspective, or switch perspectives, and if so, should they be in first person too?

Thanks, sir or ma'am.

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