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Byers2142
May 5, 2011

Imagine I said something deep here...


Little Mac posted:

Why would this be a townie power

Let's not try to setup spec the crazy stupid powers game, yeah?

Hogwarts watched the giant squid approach and felt apprehension well up in his kitchen. "What are you doing?" The words weren't spoken, but they were understood.

"Just trust me," the giant squid replied, caressing Hogwarts' outerwalls.

"I'm not ready!" Hogwarts exclaimed, trying to push the giant squid away with his magic.

"Hogwarts, you're lonely, I'm lonely. We don't have to be. Besides, you can't go around manipulating your staircases."

"You know about that!"

"Everyone does it. Sort of."

"That's beside the point. I've never..." The temperature within rose in embarrassment.

"I'll go slow. I promise." He began to caress a window, teasing it open. Hogwarts sighed, the fight leaving him. He relaxed, allowing the tentacle inside, where it brushed against the inner walls before settling on the stone floor. He fastened the suction cups to the floor, lifting the tentacle away so that it pulled on the floor without losing its grip.

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Cartridgeblowers
Jan 3, 2006

Super Mario Bros 3




Kumbamontu posted:

if she's stealing the role then it makes sense cause otherwise the whole game knows what role she took which would be silly

gg

Cartridgeblowers
Jan 3, 2006

Super Mario Bros 3




Byers2142 posted:

Let's not try to setup spec the crazy stupid powers game, yeah?

Hogwarts watched the giant squid approach and felt apprehension well up in his kitchen. "What are you doing?" The words weren't spoken, but they were understood.

"Just trust me," the giant squid replied, caressing Hogwarts' outerwalls.

"I'm not ready!" Hogwarts exclaimed, trying to push the giant squid away with his magic.

"Hogwarts, you're lonely, I'm lonely. We don't have to be. Besides, you can't go around manipulating your staircases."

"You know about that!"

"Everyone does it. Sort of."

"That's beside the point. I've never..." The temperature within rose in embarrassment.

"I'll go slow. I promise." He began to caress a window, teasing it open. Hogwarts sighed, the fight leaving him. He relaxed, allowing the tentacle inside, where it brushed against the inner walls before settling on the stone floor. He fastened the suction cups to the floor, lifting the tentacle away so that it pulled on the floor without losing its grip.


gg

Byers2142
May 5, 2011

Imagine I said something deep here...


Puntification posted:

Having read that yesterday thanks to you and asiina talking about it, I can tell you the phrase is actually "morally justified rape".

I was close. And you're welcome.

Asiina
Apr 26, 2011

No going back


Grimey Drawer

I'm saving Dry Bones for a rainy day. Also phone posting for a bit so no fanfic for a few hours.

kumba
Nov 8, 2003

I posted my food for USPOL Thanksgiving!

enjoy the ride



Lipstick Apathy

LO3

gl, hf, es

merk
May 20, 2003

##interact

http://vocaroo.com/i/s1P6hHyDWxRs

Ernie.
Aug 31, 2012



On any average day, Poque can be seen as a nice, humble man. But not on this day. In a certain light, under only the sharpest of sunlights, you can really tell that he has a big, fat, stupid face. ZOMBIES!!! can easily tell when someone is brain-dead, because they have no special inclination to open their skulls and eat a handful. But Poque looked especially high-functioning for a zombie. They marched on Poque. He stood his ground. They inched a little closer. He stood his ground. Two or three of them let out a sound between a groan and a roar. Poque continued to stand his ground. It's like he didn't notice the threat, even. They lifted him in the air, celebrated their finding their ZOMBIE!!! king, and put him out of reach of anyone's votes for the entire game-day. A power we all sure could want!

Byers2142
May 5, 2011

Imagine I said something deep here...


Kumbamontu posted:

LO3

gl, hf, es

Did Kumba just have a stroke? Should we send the medics?

Byers2142
May 5, 2011

Imagine I said something deep here...



Holy poo poo.

Rarity
Oct 21, 2010

i fucking love scoops


Asiina posted:

I'm saving Dry Bones for a rainy day. Also phone posting for a bit so no fanfic for a few hours.

Darn, I was really hoping that was a post restriction

Asiina
Apr 26, 2011

No going back


Grimey Drawer


I am terrified to listen to this on the bus just in case it comes out of my speakers and not my headphones.

Puntification
Nov 4, 2009

Black Orthodontromancy
The most British Magic



Fun Shoe


Beasts posts are the best posts.

Ernie.
Aug 31, 2012



Asiina was finally off the airplane. She'd had a tumultuous couple seated on either side of her arguing about whether or not the wind really did try to kill them 28 days earlier. Elliot might have been the fella? He was really angry that he talked to a plastic tree and felt a deeper connection to it than his wife. There was only the possibility of the day getting better from here on out BUT INSTEAD ZOMBIES!!!. Asiina tried her best to run towards the airport terminal but not long after she saw Poque crowd-surfing on top of the ZOMBIES!!! did she realize how much trouble she was in. The ZOMBIES!!! were now unstoppable with such a tremendous oaf at the helm. She stood straight and resigned to her doomed fate. But the ZOMBIES!!! walked right past her. The ZOMBIES!!! created a ZOMBIES!!! ladder and lifted Poque straight up to the height of the plane. Turns out he commanded them to help him lick one of the wings. Asiina moonwalked away slowly, unsure of whether to consider a well-coreographed ZOMBIES!!! ladder a serious threat or the next big thing at the National Arts Centre.

Dugong
Mar 18, 2013

I don't know what to do,
I'm going to lose my mind




this sure is a thing

Rarity
Oct 21, 2010

i fucking love scoops


I want to be in the zombie apocalypse story

ASAPRockySituation
May 9, 2010



Stop posting fanfics, it sucks enough that the seat washer for my hot water went. Gonna take me hours to fix these shenanigans.

derp
Jan 21, 2010

when i get up all i want to do is go to bed again



Lipstick Apathy

i wrote some mortal kombat fan fiction when i was working on mk9 years ago. i guess i better post it

CapnAndy
Feb 27, 2004

Some teeth long for ripping, gleaming wet from black dog gums. So you keep your eyes closed at the end. You don't want to see such a mouth up close. before the bite, before its oblivion in the goring of your soft parts, the speckled lips will curl back in a whinny of excitement. You just know it.

Jesus Christ I cannot keep up with over 200 new posts every time I check this thread

Byers2142
May 5, 2011

Imagine I said something deep here...


anime gently caress pillow posted:

Stop posting fanfics, it sucks enough that the seat washer for my hot water went. Gonna take me hours to fix these shenanigans.

Another sigh swept through the halls of Hogwarts. "Oh, Merlin. That feels so good." His rapture turned to fright as he felt a tentacle work its way into a second window. "I don't--"

"Trust me. It'll feel good. Remember this?" He pulled the suction cups a little harder and Hogwarts groaned.

"Do that again." The giant squid complied and as he did so, thrust his second tentacle in. Hogwarts shuddered, coming very close to ending the fun. The giant squid backed off, unwilling to finish so soon. He waited for Hogwarts to calm down before sending the second tentacle to search the room. He felt the need to fill Hogwarts as much as possible and he raised another tentacle, caressing his outer walls, running along windowsills and tracing individual bricks. So caught up in the bliss, Hogwarts didn't notice the giant squid slip in a third and fourth tentacle.

"This is incredible," Hogwarts breathed.

"This isn't even the best part." He held up his two longest tentacles. "These can reach farther than a room; they can go into your hallways."

"I want them in me."

"Are you sure? They're quite large."

Apprehension rolled through his kitchen again. While he was deciding, the giant squid forced another tentacle in. "You have three tentacles left to decide."

"What happens if I don't?"

In response, the giant squid slid a sixth into another window. "Two," he said simply and with a hint of warning.

Ernie.
Aug 31, 2012



What's scarier than a baboon leading an army of ZOMBIES!!!? A baboon leading an army of ZOMBIES!!! riding My Little Ponies, for sure. Rarity had just finished her long work day imagining rainbows and being pelted with homestuck plush toys. Poque was standing at the stable's entrance, blocking her way out. It was a stand-off of legend. She noticed that Poque seemed a little distracted. He was drooling and his eyes were looking at the ceiling. She took this four-minute window of opportunity to sneak past him. But she had abandoned her friends. Fluttershy, Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash had now become Fluttercry, Twilight Startle, and Rainbow Bash. Darkness had overcome them. The ZOMBIES!!! have never been more powerful.

Asiina
Apr 26, 2011

No going back


Grimey Drawer

Ernie. posted:

Asiina was finally off the airplane. She'd had a tumultuous couple seated on either side of her arguing about whether or not the wind really did try to kill them 28 days earlier. Elliot might have been the fella? He was really angry that he talked to a plastic tree and felt a deeper connection to it than his wife. There was only the possibility of the day getting better from here on out BUT INSTEAD ZOMBIES!!!. Asiina tried her best to run towards the airport terminal but not long after she saw Poque crowd-surfing on top of the ZOMBIES!!! did she realize how much trouble she was in. The ZOMBIES!!! were now unstoppable with such a tremendous oaf at the helm. She stood straight and resigned to her doomed fate. But the ZOMBIES!!! walked right past her. The ZOMBIES!!! created a ZOMBIES!!! ladder and lifted Poque straight up to the height of the plane. Turns out he commanded them to help him lick one of the wings. Asiina moonwalked away slowly, unsure of whether to consider a well-coreographed ZOMBIES!!! ladder a serious threat or the next big thing at the National Arts Centre.

Zombie ladder would still be better than the giant spider at the art gallery.

Rarity
Oct 21, 2010

i fucking love scoops


Ernie. posted:

What's scarier than a baboon leading an army of ZOMBIES!!!? A baboon leading an army of ZOMBIES!!! riding My Little Ponies, for sure. Rarity had just finished her long work day imagining rainbows and being pelted with homestuck plush toys. Poque was standing at the stable's entrance, blocking her way out. It was a stand-off of legend. She noticed that Poque seemed a little distracted. He was drooling and his eyes were looking at the ceiling. She took this four-minute window of opportunity to sneak past him. But she had abandoned her friends. Fluttershy, Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash had now become Fluttercry, Twilight Startle, and Rainbow Bash. Darkness had overcome them. The ZOMBIES!!! have never been more powerful.

Friendship is tragic :(

derp
Jan 21, 2010

when i get up all i want to do is go to bed again



Lipstick Apathy

nvm its not really that funny.

#fart

Dr. Hurt
Oct 23, 2010



Hello fans of fiction! It is time to announce the first challenge.

In the world of fan fiction, nothing is as sacred as the dramatic reading. All the best fanfics have videos on YouTube or audio files floating around of people overacting the hell out of bad fiction. Your challenge should you accept it is to make your own dramatic reading. It does not have to be of your role fanfic, but it has to be of some sort of fan fiction.

You have until 8 pm Saturday to post your dramatic reading in thread. They will be judged by myself, taste, and a panel of special guest judges.

The thunderdome is in effect. You can only vote for Pinterest mom, jakep, and no lynch.

Rarity
Oct 21, 2010

i fucking love scoops


Dr. Hurt posted:

Hello fans of fiction! It is time to announce the first challenge.

In the world of fan fiction, nothing is as sacred as the dramatic reading. All the best fanfics have videos on YouTube or audio files floating around of people overacting the hell out of bad fiction. Your challenge should you accept it is to make your own dramatic reading. It does not have to be of your role fanfic, but it has to be of some sort of fan fiction.

You have until 8 pm Saturday to post your dramatic reading in thread. They will be judged by myself, taste, and a panel of special guest judges.

The thunderdome is in effect. You can only vote for Pinterest mom, jakep, and no lynch.

Dammit I'm going to have to bow out of this one. I'm staying in a hostel from today, I'm not going to have any privacy to do this :(

kumba
Nov 8, 2003

I posted my food for USPOL Thanksgiving!

enjoy the ride



Lipstick Apathy

is there a minimum required length

kumba
Nov 8, 2003

I posted my food for USPOL Thanksgiving!

enjoy the ride



Lipstick Apathy

Byers2142 posted:

Did Kumba just have a stroke? Should we send the medics?

someone never played counterstrike

Poque
Sep 11, 2003

"Walking Schwindel, smart move."


I anger the zombies and make myself smell very tasty ##vote prom

Dr. Hurt
Oct 23, 2010



Kumbamontu posted:

is there a minimum required length

Minimum length requirement 90 seconds. Also whoever wins will get a very special gift!!

ASAPRockySituation
May 9, 2010



Are we being judged on comedic value only?

Power of Pecota
Aug 3, 2007

Goodness no, now that wouldn't do at all!



https://www.fanfiction.net/s/6005891/1/Garfield-in-the-City

kumba
Nov 8, 2003

I posted my food for USPOL Thanksgiving!

enjoy the ride



Lipstick Apathy

This is my life's masterpiece.

http://vocaroo.com/i/s1ZLlGBXWaHO

(from: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/8216252/8/50-Shades-of-Christian-Grey)

Dr. Hurt
Oct 23, 2010



anime gently caress pillow posted:

Are we being judged on comedic value only?

You shall be judged on how well you deliver the material selected, comedic value, and overall presentation.

Power of Pecota
Aug 3, 2007

Goodness no, now that wouldn't do at all!



Can everyone take a minute and look at how much unironic Frasier fanfiction actually exists because wow

Dr. Hurt
Oct 23, 2010



True mod fact: I was going to use some Frasier fan fiction but when I looked it up there were so many docs available and they were almost all bland and I just got so overwhelmed. A traumatic experience involving tossed salad and scrbled eggs.

Dr. Hurt
Oct 23, 2010



Stories, not docs.

Magnus Gallant
Mar 9, 2010

by Lowtax


Grimey Drawer

Meinberg had never driven a celebrity before. I mean not a real celebrity. His coworkers were all jealous when he won the draw and drove Lebron James to the Staples Center. But who cares about Lebron James? Ooooh you can throw a ball in a hoop. The man meinberg was driving now made art. ART DAMMIT.

Meinberg checked in the rearview mirror. Yep, he's still there. Kevin Smith. In all his glory using Meinbergs own seatbelt! Well not only meinbergs seatbelt, Kevin seemed to have brought along his own device to lengthen the belt to fit around his swollen, delicious belly. Meinberg salivated then burped. The taste of burger and fries escaped his mouth and delighted him.

"Excuse me driver," Kevin said.

"Yes Mr. Smith?" Meinberg replied.

"Listen, you mind if we make a stop before we get to comic-con? There's no way I'm going to that poo poo sober," Kevin said.

"I don't mind. Where did you want to go?" Meinberg asked, thrilled to be conversing with such a beautiful, sexy, genius.

"Well. . . I don't really have any place I can go right now. All my buddies are already at comic-con. I got delayed because the loving airlines kicked me off my flight! Can you believe that??"

"That's terrible," Meinberg said. He racked his brain to try and think of a place Kevin could go to get his toke on but drew a blank. Then he remembered. His apartment was just five minutes away from the convention center. They could go there! "Well, we could go to my apartment. It's only five minutes away from the con." Meinberg crossed his fingers and said a prayer in his head. God, please oh please let this work. Please let Kevin say yes. Please let Kevin be into me. Please let me kiss and caress Kevins enormous stomach. Please. I'll never do anything gay thing in my life if you let this happen.

"That sounds excellent man. Let's do it!" Kevin said.

Meinberg began in that direction.

TO BE CONTINUED. . . .

ASAPRockySituation
May 9, 2010



http://vocaroo.com/i/s1brGJR5omDa

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Jump King
Aug 10, 2011



Can I use 3-8 a-list actors to help create the perfect fan fiction reading?

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