|
Thunderdome 2016teen: We Love Writing, We Hate Yours
|
#
?
Dec 29, 2015 02:04
|
|
|
|
| # ? Apr 20, 2024 05:28 |
|
|
also i dont like anime
|
|
#
?
Dec 29, 2015 02:33
|
|
|
Thunderdome 2016teen: everyone failed
|
|
#
?
Dec 29, 2015 03:20
|
|
|
Thunderdome 2016teen: Thousands of Words Worth Zero Pictures
|
|
#
?
Dec 29, 2015 03:39
|
|
|
Thunderdome is super. Writing to prompts and receiving harsh and honest crits is absolutely invaluable, please remain your bitter and insulting kayfabe selves in 2016 and I will do the same. Also everyone here is cool and you have all helped my writing so much this year, so thank you, dome. Also a confession: I hate anime.
|
|
#
?
Dec 29, 2015 03:40
|
|
|
Anime is good/bad
|
|
#
?
Dec 29, 2015 03:53
|
|
|
Sitting Here posted:I'd like to take this opportunity to ask everyone's suggestions for the next thread. Can we clarify the OP in some way? Are there rules you want to see/currently hate? I will probably ignore your suggestions unless they're really good, but it's nice to know people care. We also need a thread title. My current favorite is Thunderdome 2016teen: Fast Writing, Bad Writing, but I'd love to hear other ideas. Explain what a redemption story is maybe? I'm still not quite sure, but it comes up every so often.
|
|
#
?
Dec 29, 2015 04:02
|
|
|
Thunderdome 2016teen: gently caress PC Writing: The Real World is Cruel and Your Writing Should Show It i spent way too long looking for that cache cab rant to find this quote
|
|
#
?
Dec 29, 2015 04:04
|
|
|
Fuschia tude posted:Explain what a redemption story is maybe? I'm still not quite sure, but it comes up every so often. If you fail a week, you can turn your failure into a redemption by posting a story for that prompt in the active TD thread. There's no time limit. Somebody who failed Week 3 could post a story of cis privilege in Swaziland right now and redeem himself. The down side is the low chance of feedback, lower the longer you wait, but if you have a personal goal to get stuff written then a redemption story is worthwhile.
|
|
#
?
Dec 29, 2015 04:12
|
|
|
Just wanted to say thank you to everyone for being my 
|
|
#
?
Dec 29, 2015 04:19
|
|
|
This would be a great time to go back through the thread and delete all your stories, BTW, once the thread is locked they are here for good and you won't be able to submit them anywhere.
|
|
#
?
Dec 29, 2015 04:42
|
|
|
Very often I come and look at the week's prompt and think "What the hell is this I'll never be able to write about this" but that's bullshit and I love you TD and I'll write a ton of bad words for you in the new year just you watch. This is like one of the most anime places on SA outside of VEGETA, never change.
|
|
#
?
Dec 29, 2015 05:32
|
|
|
HellishWhiskers posted:This is like one of the most anime places on SA outside of VEGETA, never change. i agree, it is very bad
|
|
#
?
Dec 29, 2015 05:53
|
|
|
 Week 177 Results Alright, this was a tough week to judge. None of the stories were particularly offensive - even with the loss and DMs, judgechat felt more like nitpicking than really tearing anything apart. Ultimately we had to look at the basics: Is there a conflict, and does it have a satisfying resolution? Are the characters developed, with clear motivations? Was it entertaining to read? Everything was done in judgemode and there were a few surprises when I turned it off, but honestly I am really pleased with how everyone tackled this prompt. So without further ado: Honorable Mentions go to: Fumblemouse - Inland Dreaming for a story with a great hook that kept us intrigued, some nice character development, a clear-cut conflict / resolution, and a nice eye for detail. This was a cool way to approach the prompt and it did a good job of creating dramatic tension. Kaishai - Mermen in Time of Plague for a story with a really fun, breezy tone, strong prose that did a great job of painting a picture, and a good eye for clarity that pays off in the more action-oriented scenes. This story was probably most in the spirit of the prompt, and it was a strong contender for the win. Good, thematic conflict and characters with realistic internal motivations - this is a good example of how to do a light-hearted story without sacrificing on the elements that make a good story. Djeser - The Wettest Magic I will admit that at first, I wasn't as hot on this story as my wonderful co-judge spectres. But this was his favorite story of the week, and after re-reading it, it is a lot of fun. Yeah it kinda relies on some in-joke knowledge, but if there's any prompt to do that in, it's this one. The prose is strong, there's a great frenetic energy that kept us reading and smiling, and there's still a central conflict at the heart of everything. Overall it was a good, charming piece that takes the prompt and runs with it. Dishonorable Mentions go to: Thranguy - When You Can't Even - This was one of several joke entries, but there just isn't enough meat on its bones to put it on the same level as this week's mid-pile. There is a conflict, but we don't know the why of it until the very end. There's a motivation, but again, it's only a motivation because you tell us it is. He wants to get buff, but why? We find out he wants to seduce the narrator at the end, but you play those cards so close to your chest for so much of the story that I don't really get a chance to connect to the characters or care about the stakes. Still, it's not terrible - the fact that there is an actual conflict and a developed arc puts it above a lot of stories in many other weeks, and in terms of pacing and mechanics, nothing stuck out. RedTonic - No Refunds or Exchanges (A Merry Buttmas Tale) - This was another story that is far from terrible, but just had a few structural issues that ended up dragging it down. The biggest issue is that you kind of focus on the less interesting conflict - buying the bidet is good for a brief moment of comedy, but it's hard to get invested in it as a central conflict when the stakes are basically nonexistent, and two of the characters basically dismiss it out of hand within the story itself. The sexual tension / relationship angle is much more compelling, but it gets pushed into the background until the end and then resolved with basically no challenge to any of the characters. The dialogue is also really stilted - people just don't talk like that, and when the characters end up essentially laying out and resolving the conflict in a couple lines of dialogue, it just fizzles. Your prose is good, and there are some good bits here that point to a much stronger potential story, should you ever choose to revisit it. The Loser for this week was a very tough pick. Spectres and I went back and forth for a long time and ultimately settled on Bad Seafood - Christmas Rush. Out of all the stories this week, this is the only one where we had to stretch to see the prompt. The ornament's jacket shows up in the story, but it kinda feels tacked on - aside from a line or two of minor characterization, you could remove the prompt element from this story entirely and it wouldn't really change anything in a meaningful way. This was a tough pick because you definitely did some things right - your characters have distinct voices and believable dialogue, and your prose is snappy and clear and mechanically well-polished. But the characters are also very one-dimensional - only one character gets even a little development, and their motivations are basically just "get paid," and while you've got a conflict and some action, it all feels very perfunctory, like it exists solely in service of that final pun, which ends up feeling very unsatisfying. Which leads us, at last, to our Winner: Entenzahn takes the crown this week with An Empty Shell, which really did a great job of meshing the goofy prompt trappings with a very somber, almost Southern Gothic narrative / style in a way that ends up highlighting the best parts of each. Both judges really liked the way you baked a strong voice into this story, and there are lots of great little details and bits of character development that you convey through subtle thoughts and actions, which ends up making the conflict feel very layered and human and relateable. This story also had a really nice cadence to it, which is something a lot of people don't really think about while they are writing, but stands out a lot when a judge is reading it. Writing a serious story for merman week is always a risk, but it seems to pay off for you! Thank you to everyone for writing stories this week - I really do mean it when I say this was a really fun week to read, and even the bottom pile would have easily escaped negative mention in a bigger week - nothing evoked a reaction worse than "meh," which is pretty drat good in my book. I'll have crits up sooner or later, and anyone is free to hit me up on irc to talk their story over or whatever. See you next year, domers! The throne is yours, Ent.
|
|
#
?
Dec 29, 2015 07:57
|
|
|
Grizzled Patriarch posted:The Loser for this week was a very tough pick. Spectres and I went back and forth for a long time and ultimately settled on Bad Seafood - Christmas Rush. Kenshiro is GP, random mook is me.
|
|
#
?
Dec 29, 2015 08:35
|
|
|
I like td but I hate all the people in it
|
|
#
?
Dec 29, 2015 09:11
|
|
|
Thunderdome Week CLXXVIII: I’m not mad, just disappointed New Year’s resolutions are kind of bullshit if you think about it. Because you try, you really do, but how the gently caress were you supposed to know that your knee would start tickling occasionally after your first week of jogging, and then your doc tells you to go on the elliptical instead if you’re really that worried, but there’s only one gym in the area and Barry goes there and he’s a DICK and getting an elliptical yourself is goddamn expensive and also where the hell are you supposed to put that thing? There's just no space in the basement. Is that your fault? No. It’s not. You will write about promises this week. Actually, gently caress, no, wait, hold on, wait wait WAIT! You will write about characters who are in some way affected by some kind of promise. Maybe they made one, or maybe they’re relying on one or maybe you have a better idea, which by the way is not a challenge for the love of god please don’t get cute with the prompt unless you’re 100% sure what you’re doing I just want to read a nice story. ONE NICE STORY that’s all I’m asking for. Also this is a good time to reflect on your past misdeeds, so I will give 150 bonus words to anyone who crits a story of their own, preferably one that’s at least a month back. Dig out those oldies and laugh at yourself, or find out just what went wrong with Let’s Get hosed up on Love week. If this is your first time doing TD I’ll give you the 150 words for free in commemoration of your terrible life choices, but you’re still welcome to crit someone else if you feel like it. Try it! It’s fun to yell at people. Words: 1400 Sign-ups: Friday, 1st Jan 2016, 23.59 PST Submissions: Sunday, 3rd Jan 2016, 23.59 PST Judges: Entenzahn Broenheim A distant memory of bad advice Promising writers: jon joe docbeard klapman Grizzled Patriarch Ceighk kurona_bright Thranguy Bad Seafood Wangless Wonder Ironic Twist Sitting Here Killer-of-Lawyers unwantedplatypus Entenzahn fucked around with this message at 08:51 on Jan 2, 2016 |
|
#
?
Dec 29, 2015 13:14
|
|
|
The proper thing to do would be to sign up this week and fail. In, though.
|
|
#
?
Dec 29, 2015 16:44
|
|
|
I've got a tenth of an idea, a long weekend, and my last entry's eleventh-hour mediocrity to claw my way back from. Hit it.
|
|
#
?
Dec 29, 2015 17:14
|
|
|
i've finally scrabbled my way to the desert of mediocrity and you bet your rear end i'm IN
|
|
#
?
Dec 29, 2015 18:19
|
|
|
This sounds fun. In.
|
|
#
?
Dec 29, 2015 18:22
|
|
|
IN
|
|
#
?
Dec 29, 2015 18:33
|
|
|
im a judge
|
|
#
?
Dec 29, 2015 19:32
|
|
|
Thunderdome has shown me that writing erotica is the only way to get paid.
|
|
#
?
Dec 29, 2015 20:54
|
|
|
Dudes who were brawling for me, don't forget. Tomorrow night.
|
|
#
?
Dec 29, 2015 21:13
|
|
|
I'm in.
|
|
#
?
Dec 29, 2015 22:05
|
|
|
Ring in the new.
|
|
#
?
Dec 29, 2015 22:10
|
|
|
In.
|
|
#
?
Dec 29, 2015 22:22
|
|
|
things intro: these are just my dumb gay opinions and i had fun reading these Man out of Air i liked the way you subverted the prompt, first of all. p creative but ultimately the setup was more interesting than the story you decided to tell with it, at least imo. the problem with setting up the "the protag needs to get over someone" arc is that ultimately the arc will always end in them getting over the someone. so for that reason that didnt work especially well for me but i did appreciate there was an arc there. at one point you did the "x character always said that i react in y situations like z" thing which felt kind of like exposition tho i appreciate your effort to develop the character. Sea Legs so i liked the setup of this story, but like the first it told a story that wasnt esp compelling to me. what you did was take a goofy concept and tried to use it to tell a serious story about family. thats an ok idea but the problem was that none of the family members got any development at all. the only development is that the sister defends the kid from bullying (cliche) and the dad and the son went fishing (isnt this stealing whale food?). i wasnt even sure what the moms deal was or if she even had a job. i hope she did because she was encouraging the dad to quit and they were raising 2 kids. ultimately i didnt really understand the family that the dad was willing to sacrifice the whales for. the house foreshadowing jumped rite in my face and yelled "im foreshadowing!" ultimately i wasnt psyched to get to the house buying scene at the end of the story. that being said, it had an arc and no loose ends or confusion, so yay. The Fool i liked this story, i would give it like a high mid rating. the opening has clever wordplay and i got shakespeareian fool archetypey type vibes. you either lucked out with your prompt or just really made it work because i liked the juxtaposition of this feel with the whole merman thing. unfortunately as the story progressed it kind of slid into different territory; the jokes got a bit, idk, less shakespearey and more krusty the klowny. at the end we meet the two genies who are a rebellious son and his overbearing dad. these characters hamstrung the story imo, but i thought the fools arc was compelling tension wise and i did end up pulling for him. When You Cant Even A Rock Falls to the Bottom If You Can't Catch It i appreciated this piece, another attempt to get serious. unfortunately these characters didnt feel like, incredibly well defined? the girl communicated her emotional state thru smiling and that was about it. the merman sort of stopped being an individual after the first paragraph and became more of a reactionary device for the girls attempts to go swimming. some minor points follow: who lets a girl go wandering around the edge of a cliff unsupervised? what was the significance of passing and repassing the gift rock back and forth? it made for some repetitive action and dialogue. at one point you said that the girls hand was "soft and warm like sand." i get that hes a merman but surely you can do better. i get that the merman wants to spend more time with the girl, but shouldnt he know better than to suggest more swimming? still the prose was solid and it was tense when it looked like the girl was about to drown so it was def a mid anyway. Mer-Murder Most Mysterious should have been "mer-der most mysterious" imo. yeah ok so im not going to comment seriously on a story w a stealth dildo attack, but it was p funny sometimes. tbh i wasnt really following the intricacies of the plot or character motivations so if you wanted that to happen it didnt really for me. once the dildo was introduced i shut off the part of my brain that tried to keep track of important plot details. laughed a couple times, gj No Refunds or Exchanges (A Merry Buttmas Tale) k so this was p much tailored for me not to especially like it. mostly this is because of a lot of facts about bidets which are not super interesting. but the main problem is that this element was supported by a coming out/confession of love/whatever story that didn't feel that authentic or compelling. like will she realize shes made out with her friend? will she confess her deep feelings? will her friend be into her? the answers to all of these questions were obviously yes and id use the word inevitable to further describe my reading experience. it was supported by not very realistic dialogue, which was esp egregious when the moment of truth arrived. it was a story, about characters, with ok writing, but i just wasnt that into it. Inland Dreaming baller opening paragraph. this story was cool because it wasnt about mermen until the end, but the tone felt right so that wasnt a huge deal. a lot of elements felt like you were just knocking the irish idea out of the way so you could focus on the actual story, and you were inviting me to do the same. it worked because the original prompt was mermen anyway and the story at its core was compelling and even a little deep. it was supported by prose that i really liked; the bus drowning scene was really vivid and chilling. i kind of wanted to understand the ending more (because i really didnt) but i really enjoyed reading this and had no problem waffling around different interpretations in my head afterwards. Just Like Riding an Underwater Bicycle this was a joke story i guess, but i thought it was the funniest. good take on the prompt, and idk it was funny? im not going to technically analyze why. could have used slightly better formatting when the cabin crew lady was talking up a storm An Empty Shell this was really good. first paragraph established backstory and motivation in an effective way. then you settled into this comfortable style with all these rhythms and cadences and stuff that made me feel like i was in the old south or something. you kept me constantly aware that they were mermen and that this was an underwater farm. that felt really ambitious and i thought it was pulled off perfectly. "He took her to watch the seahorses out on the field, watch them whinny and frolic, shimmering pink question marks against a deep blue horizon," would be a good example of these two tones contrasting beautifully together in a single sentence. the actual story was some total literary thing where the main character has to come to grips with his ghosts and move on from a dead place. i was really feeling it and felt somber by the end. v cool considering the nature of the prompt. Mermen in Time of Plague ok so in my head while i was reading this i was thinking of those "i felt good about doing a good thing for my community" stories. those are gr8 and so was this. this wasnt a high literary artistic contrast like the last one, but it was a good job of matching tone to prompt. dude just goes around solving problems with his fists and at the end theres... sparkling merman romance. thats better than the non sparkling kind, anyway. the writing conveyed the action clearly and effectively, so i just kind of grooved along watching this 80s dude save the world and when it was over i felt good about my reading experience. Christmas Rush ok so the intro was awkward. it worked as a setup technically but the transition into the actual story was so abrupt that it seemed like bruce decided to move straight to major felonies while he was walking out thru the voidmart doors. in the end i wasnt left feeling any sense of need. my big problem (besides autism) is that you creatively stretched the prompt, but only for a p generic heist story and the final result was just a pun. like gp said, these chars are only in it to get paid, and in the end i wasnt really rooting for them because they were just stereotypes. ending the story in a pun kind of gave the impression your whole story was just a setup for a joke also. The Wettest Magic this was a solid prompt/tone combo that hit me right in the goofy feels. like gp said, i liked this one a lot. there was a lot of detail in the writing but none of it felt intrusive because it all added to stephanies character and her world. the arc was really well written, i had no trouble following her from decision to decision. the end result was that i was basically seeing the huge monster she ended up summoning from behind her eyes, which made it tense, not in the sense that i thought she would die or anything in a story this goofy, but in the sense that i really wanted her to overcome her trial and prove that she could witch it up eventually. interesting trivia: the dude who showed up at the end is the second character this week to have frosted tip hair, the other one being the doctor in "Mermen in the Time of Plague." Party Planning ok so i read this one last and it was really hard to form an opinion on it. i think you hit whatever tone or feeling you were going for, but it was really hard to connect with a character who wilfully tries to be a dick at every opportunity. i mean i guess i was supposed to root for his downfall, but i didnt really. i kind of just wanted him to go away. the ending of the story did not make me feel good about his arc or whatever and i think i was looking for that on christmas week. i cant call the writing bad tho, it was p effective. take the moon fucked around with this message at 07:18 on Dec 30, 2015 |
|
#
?
Dec 30, 2015 06:36
|
|
|
Thanks for your dumb gay opinions
|
|
#
?
Dec 30, 2015 06:43
|
|
|
Thanks for the crit, spectres!
|
|
#
?
Dec 30, 2015 17:00
|
|
|
Thanks for the crit, spectres. You can thank Sitting Here for the first half of the story not being the fight with the squid 
|
|
#
?
Dec 30, 2015 20:19
|
|
|
im in
|
|
#
?
Dec 30, 2015 20:46
|
|
|
Kaishai posted:If you fail a week, you can turn your failure into a redemption by posting a story for that prompt in the active TD thread. There's no time limit. Somebody who failed Week 3 could post a story of cis privilege in Swaziland right now and redeem himself. The down side is the low chance of feedback, lower the longer you wait, but if you have a personal goal to get stuff written then a redemption story is worthwhile. Thanks! your post  the OP
|
|
#
?
Dec 30, 2015 20:56
|
|
|
Kaishai posted:
In compliance with an agreement between the relevant parties, the deadline for this brawl is now Sunday, January 3, 11:59pm USA Central Standard Time.
|
|
#
?
Dec 31, 2015 00:10
|
|
|
HAPPY NEW YEARS BLUNDERDOME I'm offering 10 in-depth crits (not line-by-lines sorry), quote this w/ your story, offer ends once its the new year in the real world (aka PST time)
|
|
#
?
Dec 31, 2015 00:21
|
|
|
I got permission to crit one of my old high school stories from Entenzahn, so enjoy whatever this ends up being. I think it's been about four years since I wrote it. The Lights (3318 Words lmao gently caress) A Younger Klapman posted:
this hurt so much for 150 words... kill me
|
|
#
?
Dec 31, 2015 01:06
|
|
|
Broenheim posted:HAPPY NEW YEARS BLUNDERDOME pls crit me oniienheim
|
|
#
?
Dec 31, 2015 01:13
|
|
|
A Classy Ghost posted:I'm not sure if I need to post an acceptance post or not but here we go. ACG you toxxed for this brawl after djinn failed like a snail which was super gallant and awesome but you do need to write a story at some point imo, i'm happy to have the deadline be 3 jan 2359 pst
|
|
#
?
Dec 31, 2015 01:19
|
|
and stuff. Bit harder to work up animosity since I didn't initiate the brawl but I will make an effort.
|
|
| # ? Apr 20, 2024 05:28 |
|
|
WeLandedOnTheMoon! posted:Doming with the Devil Brawl Two Tricksters 1998 words Finto hadn’t imagined the devil like this: golden eyes, immaculate purple robe, pin-stripe beard on a smooth face. He had nothing to do with the beelzebub from the books. He could have been king somewhere. Maybe he was. “You want me to lift the curse,” the devil said. “Not mine. My brother’s.” The curse, the sickness that rotted them away from within. The gypsy had laid it on both of them. But recently, his brother Tommel had gotten much worse – fevers and blackouts and even the occasional cough of blood – while Finto had gotten better. He didn’t know why, but he would not let his brother die. “Can you do that?” Finto said. “Yes. And no.” The devil closed his eyes, concentrated as if he was remembering something complicated. “Your brother is destined to die. Soon. And I cannot just create a new fate out of thin air. There must be balance.” He paused, maybe to pretend that he didn’t deal with this dilemma regularly, or maybe just making sure he hadn’t lost Finto. “Perhaps if you steal someone else’s fate. I can use that.” “I… don’t know how to do that.” The devil opened his eyes and all but pierced Finto’s soul. “I’m sure you’ll find a way. Do it, and I can change any fate you want.” He extended his hand. Finto shook it uncertainly. “You did not ask for my soul.” “Finto, you sly old trickster.” The devil chuckled as he faded to the foggy stench of sulfur. “I won’t have to.” # Treadmoore was a city that had everything. All day long ox carren moved exotic wares from market to market, past cryers and hagglers and people from all the corners of the earth. Worlds collided here, from the Settler’s District with its gossiping washerwomen all the way to the Grimoire, where there was a shady offer behind every corner. If there was a way to steal someone’s fate, it was here. Finto entered the Last Round. The inn’s wooden interior was cool and empty. He went upstairs. Tommel lay in his bed. It was all he did these days, lying around and changing from hot to cold and back. Right now he was glowing like an angry sun, but soon, when the beads of sweat had gone, he’d be cold again, so cold and still that you weren’t sure if he wasn’t dead until you leaned in and felt his faint breath on your ear. There used to be a time when they wouldn’t have walked a step without one another. They’d been inseparable, their tricks and capers known all across the realm. They’d travel from town to town, and everywhere they’d stop they’d play their songs and tell their jokes, and show off their magic, their famous escape tricks, nary a rope that could hold them! And they’d woo the ladies and empty the purses of the rich and gullible, but they’d never keep more than they need. The rest had always ended in the gutters, with the poor and unfortunate. Nowadays they could barely look out for themselves. Tommel was asleep, so Finto left. The old hag that ran the inn was the honest sort, and he’d paid her well. She’d look after Tommel. Someone had to. # The streets were ripe with opportunities. Rumors directed him to a shady den in the Grimoire, the kind of place that smelled like tobacco even from the outside, not quite a shack, but a non-descript establishment that just was. You wouldn’t even know it was open for business if people wouldn’t have staggered out constantly. Inside, faceless shadows moved through the thick smoke. On tables all over he recognized the typical Four Fingers layout, a row of fours cards in the middle and one more at each corner. There were all kinds of gamblers here, from burly crooks to the kind of fat cats who smoked cigars for lunch, throwing around their money with the nonchalance of people who were clearly big-shot enough not to be touched even in this part of town. Finto bought himself into the tourney. He was not the best of players, but then he wasn’t here to win. He was here to steal. He cheated. He swapped bad hands with better ones up his sleeve. He dealt cards the wrong way round, or mixed them just right. He played it cool. Won the occasional round, pulled out the occasional miracle. Just enough to play his way into the final. Just enough to pull out a Five-Finger-Streak to win the deciding round. Just enough to be accused of cheating, to have the table flung at him, to be rushed from two directions and to disappear in one of those old magic tricks of his, a chemical bomb that flashed and smoked, leaving everyone blind and himself invisible for just long enough to disappear inside the shadow crowd. He left through the back door. “Cheating at cards,” the devil said. “That’s classy, I guess.” His immaculate appearance had made way for something a bit more appropriate to the Grimoire – a hooded cape, three-day stubble on his chin. The golden eyes still stabbed through Finto’s racing heart. “Are we clear then?” Finto said. The devil held out his hand. “You got the fate?” But Finto didn’t move, and when the devil was satisfied that his point had been made, he reclined. “A lost game – that’s not fate, Finto. You can do better than that.” And then he was gone. # Finto tried everything, but the devil had high standards. The engaged woman Finto had seduced into marrying him instead of her betrothed – it obviously hadn’t been their fate if they could be broken up so easily. A nearby Count’s precious will that Finto had intercepted, well that was just a shift of meaningless titles, no? It hadn’t changed much. The devil was never satisfied. No matter what tricks Finto pulled. Tommel’s lucid times grew shorter, and more vicious. He barely recognized Finto anymore. Whenever he was awake, all he did was cry from pain and beg for the end. Finto was desperate enough to pay attention when he heard of the execution. Word of a farmer who’d gone mad and killed his entire family. A man most had never seen, out from the fields. He was slender, and tall, and had short brown hair, that much was certain. Just like Finto. He visited his brother one last time, saying goodbye. He asked for forgiveness for what was about to happen, but Tommel was not awake. # Finto visited the town castle’s court, playing his lute and singing his bawdy songs of dragons and the maidens that rode them, and showing his magic tricks, the escape tricks he had once been famous for, nary a rope that could hold him! The grand vizier was amused. Finto was invited to stay in the guest quarters that night. There he waited until the moon was high, and then he took his bag and left, snuck to the upper levels, sticking to the shadows, sneaking from door to door, corner to corner, always ready to shake a flash bomb out his undergarments like he had back in the gambling den. He kept on going until he heard snoring through someone’s door. That’s how he got his nobleman attire. The disguise brought him all the way to the dungeon, where he tossed a gold coin towards the guard and asked, no, demanded to speak with the prisoner alone. The man inside the cell was indeed a similar build to Finto. A bit malnourished. The face was different, but that’s why he’d brought a bag of dirt and molding clay. He picked the lock open. The prisoner didn’t seem surprised that Finto was there. He didn’t even seem surprised that Finto wanted to swap places. “He isn’t surprised,” the devil said. “He’s paid dearly for his rescue.” Finto’s heart almost stopped. There stood the devil, golden eyes shining out a guard’s helmet. “You’re using me,” Finto said. “You want to rescue your brother. This is the way.” That double-dealing bastard. Finto hated being played. But if that was the price… He masked his face with the clay, and that of the prisoner. He gave the man his robe, and then the cell was locked with only Finto inside. “One thing I should probably tell you,” the devil said after the prisoner had left. “You noticed that your brother got worse while you got better? I wonder how he did that.” The realization crept up on Finto like a pack of wolves, and pounced. “You bastard.” “Don’t worry,” the devil said. “A deal’s a deal. I will lift your brother’s curse. He’ll thank you when you see each other in hell.” “I never sold you my soul.” “Finto, you sly old trickster. You just freed a murderer from prison. You didn't have to.” And then he faded, and his laughter consumed Finto, until all he could do was lie down and think, think of a plan, any way out. # He left the castle strung up high on a cart, paraded along the street inside a cluster of guardsmen. The mob had come prepared: salads and radishes pelted his face, and if he hadn’t turned and trashed through the ordeal, his fake nose might have well been shot off. The gallows stood ready at the town square, noose dangling in the wind – even the rope couldn’t contain its excitement. And as it was tied around his neck, he saw the devil amongst the commoners, the devil with his pin-stripe-beard, with his smooth face, his golden eyes-- Finto didn’t have any last words. The ground disappeared, and that’s when he moved his wrist, used the bit of wiggle room he had given himself to drop the flash bomb from his undergarments. He disappeared in lightning and smoke. He only had seconds, but the knots were simple. Nary a noose that could hold him. He dropped down to underneath the stand, where coughing guards wandered blindly through the fumes. He ripped the clay off his face and dashed towards the audience. The first row parted way for him and then he disappeared inside the masses, down the street, and around the Grimoire’s corners. # “Well done,” the devil said. He’d gotten ahead, waiting in a shady corner in the Grimoire. “Ready to lift your brother’s curse?” Finto swallowed. “That was not the deal. The deal was, I steal fate, and you change fate.” “Alright." The devil cocked his head, not sure what to expect. "So?” “My brother is destined to die to the curse, and go to hell. I want you to take his fate, and give it to the prisoner I freed.” “That would change the fates of two people. We agreed on one.” Finto held up a finger. “It is one. The prisoner does not have a fate. I stole it. We're merely shifting things around a bit. Keeps the balance.” The devil flared his nostrils. His golden eyes glowed like molten steel, turned red, red like the way the sky is supposed to bleed when the Gods are angry, and then his face turned the same color and suddenly Finto felt three sizes smaller. “You think you have outsmarted me?” the devil thundered. “You have not! I will tear your soul asunder! You are mine, and your brother will be mine again, and then I will see both of you in hell, and I will make you suffer.” “I have just brought the prisoner to justice,” Finto said. The words came out uncertainly, but they came. “And I will make good for my other sins as well.” And the devil was intimidating, but for all that, he did nothing. Instead, he disappeared, not laughing this time, but swearing vengeance. And Finto didn’t look at his fading image. He turned, and ran, all the way back to the Last Round. He was ready to have his brother back.
|
|
#
?
Dec 31, 2015 02:05
|
|