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Grizzled Patriarch
Mar 27, 2014

These dentures won't stop me from tearing out jugulars in Thunderdome.





Untitled Opening
(410 Words)

*snip*

See Archive

Grizzled Patriarch fucked around with this message at 16:59 on Dec 30, 2015

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Jonked
Feb 15, 2005


Untitled Opening, 500 Words

I desperately needed to switch into the 3:30 Psych class, but my advisor, Mister Black was being a huge roadblock - a real cock-gobbling dickhole. Did that even make sense? Some sort of cannibalistic dick monster? Whatever. The point is, my personal future and the fate of all mankind depended on me switching out of Chem, and I didn't have the proper papers signed.

I gave a sigh and brushed a lock of blond hair out of my face. I didn't really need the papers, of course. A lifetime of careful envelope pushing had ingrained in me an almost supernatural sense of who could grease what wheels, and Mr. Black was the lube keeper of this particular train. Unfortunately, he had 'reservations'.

"I understand that Psych would fulfill your natural science requirement just as well as Chem, Stacey. But you told me that you wanted to be an engineer. I'm just worried that you're sidetracking your future over, um...." He looked mildly uncomfortable.

"A spring fling," I provided helpfully. I was aware of my 'reputation', and Mr. Black wasn't too far off from the mark. I WAS switching classes to be closer to a guy, after all. Just not the way he thought. I gave another exasperated sigh - I really didn't have the time or energy to deal with this.

"Mr. Black - Marcus..."

He looked up, stricken. He knew what was coming.

I gave a calming smile. "Remember last summer - my ex-boyfriend, trying to figure things out with, you know, 'things'. And then I stumbled in on the two of you. Together."

"Now, Stacey, you promised me you wouldn't say anything-"

"I did, and I kept my promise, didn't I? I showed you just how trustworthy I could be at keeping secrets. And now, Marcus, I'm asking you to trust me again. It's very, very important that I take this class. Please? For someone who has done so much for you?"

Mr. Black sighed and signed the document. "I guess you’re really determined about this, Stacey. I just hope you know what you're doing."

Oh, I did. If there was anything I knew, it was the vital importance of getting close my target. I smiled and took the class transfer. Becky was waiting outside. My partner in crime was fidgeting with something in her pocket.

"I assume you've got it, the way you're acting so suspicious," I scolded her, softly. "Seriously, girlfriend, relax. We haven't doing anything wrong... yet."

"Sorry," she said, staring at her Mary Janes. She was a mousy, quiet little thing who dressed modestly, in stark contrast to myself. She was my favorite person in the world. "I just never did anything like this before."

"Yeah, well, me neither. But there's a first time for everything. And the important bit is confidence and normality. Come on, we're in a secluded spot. Hand it over so I can take care of things on Thursday."

Becky nodded and pulled it out of her pocket.

Chairchucker
Nov 14, 2006

The man was stunningly well dressed. He had a smart looking jacket, and a really neat looking cape, the lining of which was shimmering and sparkling in more than Oriental splendour, which is a great deal of splendour indeed, just ask Kipling.






Untitled Opening (445 words, including title.)

Violet was outrageously excited. She’d missed being able to dance at gigs while she’d been temporarily wheelchair-bound. Although Bowie had been a pretty fantastic experience, gigs like that with decent wheelchair access direct to the stage had been firmly in the minority. It was highly fortunate that the Taylor Swift tour had coincided with her being able to ditch the wheelchair, although her mother hadn’t been totally confident about letting her go by herself, so she’d convinced her older brother, Paul, to come with her. It was gonna be so ace.

Paul had asked how she could possibly hate Katy Perry so much and yet want to go to a Taylor Swift gig, which was just crazy because while Katy was just the worst, TayTay was amazing and the best and she and Violet were totally gonna be BFFs once they somehow met backstage or something. And Paul had rolled his eyes at this point, and Violet had punched him a bunch of times.

Which was all beside the point now that they were in the arena watching the warm up singer. The warm up singer was pretty forgettable, so Violet decided to take the opportunity to go to the toilet. “You don’t need me to wait outside for you, do you?” asked Paul.

“Outside?” asked Violet. “You’re not gonna come in with me?”

“Uh,” said Paul.

Violet shook her head. “I’m fine. Mum worries too much. Just stay here and enjoy the mediocre stylings of whoever this is.”

On her way back from the toilet, Violet stopped for a moment outside an important looking door. Maybe it was the door to TayTay’s dressing room, which seemed unlikely given its location – in fact it seemed more likely it was a maintenance closet – but you never know, right?

“So, we’re all clear on the plan, right?” said a man’s voice.

“Yes, shut up all right, we’ve all got it,” said another man’s voice. Violet, deciding that this conversation was probably more interesting than the boring warm up act, opened the door slightly and peered in.

“I just want to go over it one more time,” said the first voice, which was attached to a short man with a beard, who Violet named Rolf in her head.

A taller man with no beard, (Fritz, decided Violet) which appeared to be the second voice, said “Is this really necessary?”

“Kidnapping is hard,” said Rolf. “If we want to successfully kidnap TayTay, everyone needs to know their role.”

Violet closed the door again. She would need to get backup if she wanted to foil a kidnapping and become TayTay’s BFF. She headed back to where Paul was.

Thranguy
Apr 21, 2010

Yes, the good words are gone.

Why are the good words gone?!




Untitled Opening (443 Words)

Gord drove his brother-in-law's Challenger up I-70 at a steady seventy miles per hour, trying hard not to think about the contents of the trunk. It didn't work; that kind of thing never works. Try not to think about a sexually aroused saber-toothed cat. You can't, you just had that image flash into your minds eye and can't unsee it. It was the same was with Gord and the twenty thousand dollars, the bloody hedge trimmers, and cousin Carol's left hand.

Still, what did he have to worry about. He was moving at the speed of traffic in a well-maintained vehicle and lily-white skin. No way he was going to get profiled or speed-trapped or stopped on any bullshit traffic violation, not so long as he didn't drive like a maniac or like a drunk or pothead trying drive all stoned-careful. It wasn't easy. He was coming down off of the initial panic and adrenaline, and that state wasn't too far off from any of those other kinds of funk.

The highway traffic started slowing down to single digit speeds. Some kind of accident up ahead? That was just what Gord needed now, thanks Jesus, thanks Obama, thanks whatever rear end in a top hat couldn't manage to drive their car properly without screwing it all up for everyone else. But Gord couldn't be sure that was what it was. What if it was some kind of checkpoint? Then Gord might well be screwed. He wasn't the smoothest talker in the best of times.

He began to rehearse conversations out loud. The traffic had ground to a complete stop and the people around him were starting to lay on their horns, as if that would do any kind of good. “Good evening, officer. What seems to be the problem?” No, that wasn't right. “What can I do for you?” Better. “Going home after a weekend seeing my sister's family.”

Over the horns, he heard loud engine noises. He looked up and saw a motorcycle, moving straight down the median line at what had to be more than fifty miles an hour in the wrong direction. Neither the driver nor the woman sitting behind him holding on around his waist were wearing helmets, and had looks of terror on their ugly faces. They sped past him and Gord watched them go. Then he turned around, and saw what they were running from.

Cats. Big cats. Not just lions or tigers, but bigger than that, and with monster-big teeth. Smilodons, saber-toothed cats, at least a dozen of them running down the highway, some giving up the chase to see if they could get at what's in one of the cars.

crabrock
Aug 2, 2002


Benny the Snake posted:

With apologies to Daniel PinkmanPinkwater

Benny. You have been told before that editing your entry is a DQ worthy action.

Your entry hadn't been archived yet when you edited it, ostensibly only changing the author that you.... parodied?... but it can't be determined for sure. that's why the rule exists.

YOU CAN'T EDIT YOUR ENTRY POST.

A quick judge meeting has majority ruled that you are DQed.

Seriously dude, follow the rules.

skwidmonster
Mar 31, 2015

THUNDERDOME LOSER


Untitled Opening
WC: 420 :sotw:

“I told you, honey, tickets for the Princess Ball were too much. I couldn’t do it for you this year.” Eli dragged the razor down his neck, feeling the blade roughen on his cheek and knowing he’d have to put some lotion or something on it later. He sighed. “I’m sorry.”

“Okay!” he heard from the bedroom across the hall. “No Princess Ball, that’s okay. I’m just going to wear my dress, just in case though. Okay?”

Eli dropped his hand to the sink and squeezed his eyes shut, just for a second. He wondered how long it would take her to realize he wasn’t trying to surprise her.

“I really need you to change, honey. We’re going to dinner. I got you a present. I’ll give it to you when we get there. That’s all I have planned, I promise…” He left the last word in the air like a frustrated insect, unsure whether to keep buzzing or to land.

The bedroom was quiet.

He finished up his neck, wiped down his face, checked his teeth in the mirror, and tried on a face that was apologetic but with that hint of worn out frustration. It looked good. It looked serious. It looked exactly how he felt. He turned to the bedroom.

“Seriously, honey, you need to change out of that dress. I’m pretty sure they won’t have room in the cab for me, you, and the petticoats.”

“I’m not going unprepared, Eli,” his girlfriend shot back. The glitter on her cheeks made her eyes glow. “You promised me you’d take me to the ball for my twenty-fifth birthday. You’re not a great liar, you know.” She was still smiling a little, which was good. It was when she started smirking and clucking between those perfect teeth that he was in trouble. He could still swing this.

“Don’t you think I’m a little underdressed for a ball? I mean, it’s fine if you want to wear that out to the place, but I’m not going to put on riding pants or epaulets just to make you feel less ridiculous.” She huffed, eyebrows raised like warning flags but her tone still playful. “Did you just say I look ridiculous in my dress? The dress I stitched lovingly, with my own two hands—” “For three whole months, I know, I know,” he laughed. “You look gorgeous,” he said, and he put a hand on her twinkling cheek. “But you really should save it for when I can actually take you.”

Djeser
Mar 22, 2013


it's crow time again



Untitled opening

Djeser fucked around with this message at 05:35 on Jan 1, 2016

skwidmonster
Mar 31, 2015

THUNDERDOME LOSER


crabrock posted:

you really need to work on your phrasing!

Lollll

Real smooth, crabrock, go full on crit mode, that'll save face

Benny the Snake
Apr 10, 2012

GUM CHEWING INTENSIFIES


crabrock posted:

Benny. You have been told before that editing your entry is a DQ worthy action.

Your entry hadn't been archived yet when you edited it, ostensibly only changing the author that you.... parodied?... but it can't be determined for sure. that's why the rule exists.

YOU CAN'T EDIT YOUR ENTRY POST.

A quick judge meeting has majority ruled that you are DQed.

Seriously dude, follow the rules.
See you all next week.

sebmojo
Oct 23, 2010


Legit Cyberpunk









Untitled Opening
409 words

“Your helicopter is full of eels,” said the Captain. It was true. A full meter of wriggling, slick and slimy eels had been poured into the cockpit of Warrant Officer Jan Shenklmurkle’s Bell 412EPI reconnaissance helicopter.
“I was flying near the sea,” Jan explained.

A single eel flopped out of the helicopter window and splatted onto the flight deck, smearing it with eel-goo. The Captain looked at it. Then he shook his head minutely, left, right, as though calibrating.
“You were flying near the sea,” the Captain said.

Jan nodded. It was hot on the flight deck and trickles of sweat were schussing from his armpit down the inside of his shirt. “Captain, at approximately 1430 hours a freak gust of wind caused a localised waterspout, which—“

The Captain held up a finger, which was trembling like the tip of a tuning fork. “EELS, Warrant Officer Shenklmurkle!”

Jan smiled tolerantly. “Of course, Captain. The recent popularity of eel-meat as a constituent in—“

The Captain flushed a sudden and vibrant crimson like a Flamboyant Cuttlefish in a sea of raspberry jelly mix. “Shut up! This helicopter! One hour! No loving eels! Am I understood!?” The Captain whirled in place and stalked off like a rage-clotted Maribou Stork, or would have done so had the ship on the flight deck on which they were standing suddenly lurched in response the arrival of the bow wave of a supertanker manoeuvering into port.

He put his foot back to keep his balance, but stepped on the patch of glistening eel-slime that the thrashings of the fallen eel had been spreading across the smooth metal of the flight deck. The Captain crashed to the ground, jamming his face into the rasping hide of the eel. He shrieked, a hoarse and fearful note, and jerked his head back into the belly of the Bell, making a hollow ‘bong’. As if in response to a summons, an additional handful of eels writhed over the lip of the window and onto his head.

The Captain made a sound that suggested he had left speech far behind. He scrabbled at his face and neck, brushing away the slithering coils, then reached into his shirt and pulled the last one out. He looked at it with cold loathing, then handed it to Jan. Jan took it. It was surprisingly warm, he thought.

The Captain brushed a ribbon of slime off his hands. “One hour, Shenklemurkle.”

crabrock
Aug 2, 2002


Signups are closed.

Tdbot, tell us what we've won!

12:06 AM: <TDbot> Randomly Selected Matchups
12:06 AM: <TDbot> beginning: dmboogie, ending: RedTonic
12:06 AM: <TDbot> beginning: Grizzled Patriarch, ending: spectres of autism
12:06 AM: <TDbot> beginning: Chairchucker, ending: dmboogie
12:06 AM: <TDbot> beginning: sebmojo, ending: Fuschia tude
12:06 AM: <TDbot> beginning: spectres of autism, ending: Thranguy
12:06 AM: <TDbot> beginning: Jitzu_the_Monk, ending: Something Else
12:06 AM: <TDbot> beginning: Benny Profane, ending: Ironic Twist
12:06 AM: <TDbot> beginning: simplefish, ending: blue squares
12:06 AM: <TDbot> beginning: PoshAlligator, ending: Chairchucker
12:06 AM: <TDbot> beginning: Sitting Here, ending: Grizzled Patriarch
12:06 AM: <TDbot> beginning: skwidmonster, ending: PoshAlligator
12:06 AM: <TDbot> beginning: Djeser, ending: Sitting Here
12:06 AM: <TDbot> beginning: Fuschia tude, ending: Jitzu_the_Monk
12:06 AM: <TDbot> beginning: JcDent, ending: Jonked
12:06 AM: <TDbot> beginning: Ironic Twist, ending: Blue Wher
12:06 AM: <TDbot> beginning: Schneider Heim, ending: sebmojo
12:06 AM: <TDbot> beginning: Pham Nuwen, ending: Benny Profane
12:06 AM: <TDbot> beginning: RedTonic, ending: Pham Nuwen
12:06 AM: <TDbot> beginning: newtestleper, ending: Jay O
12:06 AM: <TDbot> beginning: Something Else, ending: newtestleper
12:06 AM: <TDbot> beginning: Blue Wher, ending: Djeser Tyrannosaurus
12:06 AM: <TDbot> beginning: Jonked, ending: simplefish
12:06 AM: <TDbot> beginning: Jay O, ending: Schneider Heim
12:06 AM: <TDbot> beginning: blue squares, ending: skwidmonster
12:06 AM: <TDbot> beginning: Thranguy, ending: JcDent
12:06 AM: <TDbot> End Matching

Not randomly selected:
Beginning: Tyrannosaurus, ending: Djeser

Any late people may post an opening and I'll match them up and we'll decide later what to do with you

crabrock fucked around with this message at 15:59 on May 16, 2015

crabrock
Aug 2, 2002


I haven't read any beginnings and i know seadoof hasn't either.

Remember to post THE ENTIRE STORY when you post, and the whole story cannot be more than 1000 words total. If your beginning only posted 410 words, you may use 590, etc.

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006



Untitled Opening
403 words

Archived.

Tyrannosaurus fucked around with this message at 03:21 on Jan 8, 2016

Pham Nuwen
Oct 30, 2010




Welp this opening is about feelings and relationships and such, time for me to explore my weaknesses

Radical and BADical!
Jun 27, 2010

by Lowtax


Fun Shoe

I was too busy with work to get in this week. Trust me, I'll have a nice pointless story with no character motivation for you all next week. :)

angel opportunity
Sep 7, 2004

Total Eclipse of the Heart

crabrock posted:

Benny. You have been told before that editing your entry is a DQ worthy action.

Your entry hadn't been archived yet when you edited it, ostensibly only changing the author that you.... parodied?... but it can't be determined for sure. that's why the rule exists.

YOU CAN'T EDIT YOUR ENTRY POST.

A quick judge meeting has majority ruled that you are DQed.

Seriously dude, follow the rules.

*cheers from the stands for retard death*

Sitting Here
Dec 31, 2007


BLO OD E M PR E SS

of

THUDNER-DOME







he's got the mind of a child!!

Martello
Apr 29, 2012

by XyloJW


nice

Martello
Apr 29, 2012

by XyloJW


crabrock
Aug 2, 2002


One person (first come, first serve) may take Tyran's opening, and stick him with the opening they were assigned.

Here's your chance to get rid of your crap opening...if you're fast enough.

crabrock fucked around with this message at 03:39 on May 16, 2015

Benny the Snake
Apr 10, 2012

GUM CHEWING INTENSIFIES


angel opportunity posted:

*cheers from the stands for retard death*

Sitting Here posted:

he's got the mind of a child!!
https://m.youtube.com/watch?feature=youtu.be&v=iT0pWOldIjc

angel opportunity
Sep 7, 2004

Total Eclipse of the Heart


so are you comparing yourself to the dimwitted dumbass guy who can't do anything properly?

(and you probably think that you later will become the loving KING PIN)

only the first part is true, dimwitted dumbass guy

Benny the Snake
Apr 10, 2012

GUM CHEWING INTENSIFIES


angel opportunity posted:

so are you comparing yourself to the dimwitted dumbass guy who can't do anything properly?
Did you even watch Full Metal Jacket, AO?

angel opportunity
Sep 7, 2004

Total Eclipse of the Heart

yeah, you're going to shoot me in the bathroom i guess?

Capntastic
Jan 13, 2005

A dog begins eating a dusty old coil of rope but there's a nail in it.



If getting mocked and DQed for editing a donut and screwing everything up is what it takes to turn Benny into a lean and mean badass then that's cool I think

angel opportunity
Sep 7, 2004

Total Eclipse of the Heart

hello teacher, please see below my submission for this week's TD



edit: durrrrr i'm making an edit to my TD entry which i plagiarized durrrr
edit 2: making sure i trigger the notification that i edited just to be safe
edit 3: how long does this take? id have to be really slow and dumb to not trigger it, it seems
edit 4: seriously 4 edits and it still isn't showing up that i edited it? its so easy to edit and not get caught
edit 5: okay, so it took four tries, the message triggered on my fourth attempt

angel opportunity fucked around with this message at 03:54 on May 16, 2015

Djeser
Mar 22, 2013


it's crow time again



crabrock posted:

One person (first come, first serve) may take Tyran's opening, and stick him with the opening they were assigned.

Here's your chance to get rid of your crap opening...if you're fast enough.

Congrats Tyran
edit: this means yes i'm taking it

Fuschia tude
Dec 26, 2004

THUNDERDOME LOSER 2019



angel opportunity posted:


edit: durrrrr i'm making an edit to my TD entry which i plagiarized durrrr
edit 2: making sure i trigger the notification that i edited just to be safe
edit 3: how long does this take? id have to be really slow and dumb to not trigger it, it seems
edit 4: seriously 4 edits and it still isn't showing up that i edited it? its so easy to edit and not get caught
edit 5: okay, so it took four tries, the message triggered on my fourth attempt

It takes 2 minutes after posting. You probably :f5:'d the edit button.

Blue Wher
Apr 27, 2010

The Smart Baseball Dargon Sez:

"Baseball is chaos!"

His bat is signed by Carl "Yaz" Yastrzemski


crabrock posted:

12:06 AM: <TDbot> beginning: Blue Wher, ending: Djeser


crabrock posted:

One person (first come, first serve) may take Tyran's opening, and stick him with the opening they were assigned.

Here's your chance to get rid of your crap opening...if you're fast enough.

Djeser posted:

Congrats Tyran
edit: this means yes i'm taking it


Haha, low blow.

crabrock
Aug 2, 2002


beginning: Blue Wher, ending: Tyrannosaurus
beginning: Tyrannosaurus, ending: Djeser

Benny the Snake
Apr 10, 2012

GUM CHEWING INTENSIFIES


angel opportunity posted:

hello teacher, please see below my submission for this week's TD



edit: durrrrr i'm making an edit to my TD entry which i plagiarized durrrr
edit 2: making sure i trigger the notification that i edited just to be safe
edit 3: how long does this take? id have to be really slow and dumb to not trigger it, it seems
edit 4: seriously 4 edits and it still isn't showing up that i edited it? its so easy to edit and not get caught
edit 5: okay, so it took four tries, the message triggered on my fourth attempt
https://youtu.be/kMBAlrDPgIk

Bad Seafood
Dec 10, 2010

If you must blink, do it now.


"Ben E. Coyote, super genius."

*Straps himself to rocket and fires it at the the moon.*

Bad Seafood fucked around with this message at 19:17 on May 16, 2015

Bad Seafood
Dec 10, 2010

If you must blink, do it now.


Benny if you are not going to post constructively please hold off until the interprompt, thanks.

Benny the Snake
Apr 10, 2012

GUM CHEWING INTENSIFIES


Bad Seafood posted:

Benny if you are not going to post constructively please hold off until the interprompt, thanks.
Will do

blue squares
Sep 28, 2007


Yeah Benny is totally the problem here /sarcasm

Bad Seafood
Dec 10, 2010

If you must blink, do it now.


Don't worry Blue Squares you're still No. 1 in my book.

Djeser
Mar 22, 2013


it's crow time again



Every thunderdomer posted:

I'm gonna spend all this time posting in this thread instead of writing a good story.

SurreptitiousMuffin
Mar 21, 2010


blue squares posted:

Yeah Benny is totally the problem here /sarcasm
Didn't you get all butthurt about the THUNDERDOME MAFIA then flounce off and never post another story?

blue squares
Sep 28, 2007


SurreptitiousMuffin posted:

Didn't you get all butthurt about the THUNDERDOME MAFIA then flounce off and never post another story?

What? No. I took a break from writing.

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SurreptitiousMuffin
Mar 21, 2010


blue squares posted:

What? No. I took a break from writing.
Huh. Genuinely sorry if that's a mistake. Who the hell was I thinking of? Somebody wrote terrible erotica, got mad then stormed off.

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