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J.A.B.C. posted:Maugrim the Postwelder! Count my bloody pen IN and bring forth a prompt so that I may slay it! Yes you're right I weld posts all the time, I weld them like nobody's business I craft them from the flayed skins of people who can't spell simple words like "wield", and then weld them together with their hot, hot tears Your prompt is this: The Angel And The Reaper
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Jan 13, 2015 12:34
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Bah! Generate me a prompt! And just to make up for last time's embarrassment 
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Jan 13, 2015 13:16
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In with My Bloodshed Drowns Him.
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Jan 13, 2015 13:21
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ZeBourgeoisie posted:Bah! Generate me a prompt! Acolyte Of The Parasites
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Jan 13, 2015 13:29
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in obviously as a first time entrant I have to roll the dice, so generate me that goddamned prompt
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Jan 13, 2015 13:31
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Verus posted:in Welcome to Thunderdome, brave soul. Show me: Xanthic Leviathan Of Battles
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Jan 13, 2015 13:36
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but I don't want to write about Piers Anthony's sex fantasies
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Jan 13, 2015 13:38
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Then use the dictionary definition of Xanthic which is "yellowish" you illiterate nematode
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Jan 13, 2015 13:39
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I'm IN, with a contingent on making an actually interesting story. Also: asking for a prompt and flash rule.
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Jan 13, 2015 14:12
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I'm in, for the shame of missing a Thunderdome deadline can only be washed away by either blood or pig poo poo. ED: Oh and a prompt, please!
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Jan 13, 2015 14:30
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I want to sign up for 'The Pestilence That Enthralls'
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Jan 13, 2015 14:54
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Maugrim posted:Then use the dictionary definition of Xanthic which is "yellowish" you illiterate nematode  
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Jan 13, 2015 15:40
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Someone I know keeps going "try Thunderdome!" so here I am, trying Thunderdome. Generate a prompt, please.
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Jan 13, 2015 16:56
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Aw, thanks for the crits, guys! I wish I could get some spare time so I could return the favor. In the meantime, however... HERE'S NATHAN EXPLOSION TO ANNOUNCE SCREAMING IDIOT'S ENTRY INTO THE THUNDERDOME!  "VOID VAMPIRES SCREAM INTO THE NIGHT VOID VAMPIRES AVOID THE LIGHT VOID VAMPIRES DRINKING EMPTY BLOODS VOID VAMPIRES ECHO HOLLOW THUDS VOID VAMPIRES' HOLLOW FIGHT!"
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Jan 13, 2015 16:56
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DreamingofRoses posted:I'm IN, with a God's Venomous Bitter Dragonflame Also what the gently caress is a contingent toxx. I'm counting this vvvvvvvvv Okay, if true, that's actually a pretty bold toxx. Accepted. JcDent posted:I'm in, for the shame of missing a Thunderdome deadline can only be washed away by either blood or pig poo poo. Congratulations! You get the first prompt to use one of the "quirky" words I threw into the bot's lexicon for amusement value. Coffee Disintegrates The Night Flesnolk posted:Someone I know keeps going "try Thunderdome!" so here I am, trying Thunderdome. Generate a prompt, please. I salute your courage. Your prompt is: Killing The Necromancer Maugrim fucked around with this message at 17:12 on Jan 13, 2015 |
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Jan 13, 2015 16:58
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Maugrim posted:God's Venomous Bitter Dragonflame Maybe it means "ban me if the story sucks?"
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Jan 13, 2015 17:00
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In with Desert Disintegrates The Forest. Brenn i helvete, fittetryne.
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Jan 13, 2015 17:11
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Flesnolk posted:Maybe it means "ban me if the story sucks?" Yup, that is exactly it
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Jan 13, 2015 17:22
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I like the cut of your jib. Give me a prompt you son of a bitch.
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Jan 13, 2015 17:24
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In with King of the Whores.
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Jan 13, 2015 17:33
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Grizzled Patriarch posted:I like the cut of your jib. Give me a prompt you son of a bitch. I want to see you do something creative with this weirdness: Its Enslavement Enslaves Them
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Jan 13, 2015 17:52
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's been too long. In with The Screaming of Goats. The Horned Ones speak to me. (Gosh it feels good to hit submit.)
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Jan 13, 2015 18:00
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I'm in. Would you please generate a title for me?
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Jan 13, 2015 18:01
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Bushido Brown posted:I'm in. Would you please generate a title for me? What is this timid bullshit Bushido Brown posted:I'm in. Give me a loving prompt before I rip out your entrails and stuff them down your throat. Much better. The Imprisonment Of Odin
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Jan 13, 2015 18:14
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I'm in and gonna lay down the law with the INSUFFERABLE COMMANDMENTS OF THE PAGAN SHRINE.
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Jan 13, 2015 18:55
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In - please generate a thingy for me because I need more chaos in my life. sidebar: Foolishly I didn't hit send when I wrote this yesterday. I know you all couldn't wait another minute for it, so here it is anyway. Quidnose posted:INTERPROMPT: The diagnosis crept through the ragged grove of trees toward the school playing field. It spent a moment peering out through the low branches. There was a small boy on the field's outskirts, sprawled on the ground. A crowd of taller girls was slowly moving away, but still laughing and pointing where he had fallen. "Psst," said the diagnosis, "Hey, boy, pssst." The boy looked up, sniffed, and wiped a tear away on his snotty sleeve. "Wha..?" "Wanna play a little game?" asked the diagnosis. The boy looked around him nervously but the crowd of girls had moved away. He stood up, facing the diagnosis. "Yeah?" "I bet you do," said the diagnosis. "But I bet you can't. I bet they won't let you. The bitches." The boy frowned unhappily, then nodded twice. "Then come over here, little boy, and let me show you something." The boy came closer to the diagnosis, close enough to smell the vodka and the sweat. He gasped at what he saw. "But that must be about..." "Actually," said the diagnosis, "it's about ethics in game journalism."
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Jan 13, 2015 19:35
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Your image has inspired the bot to produce: Rampage Of The Crimson Fumblemouse posted:In - please generate a thingy for me because I need more chaos in my life. Chaos you say? Here, have a borderline-nonsensical and potentially alarming prompt. Last Brimstone Of The Tombs Of Blistering Procreation
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Jan 13, 2015 19:53
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I'm in. Generate me a prompt, because Muffin took the one I was gonna take.
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Jan 13, 2015 19:56
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chthonic bell posted:I'm in. Generate me a prompt, because Muffin took the one I was gonna take. Defiling The Dark Corpses
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Jan 13, 2015 20:03
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In, , prompt me up you wily bastard
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Jan 13, 2015 20:21
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In. Prompt me.
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Jan 13, 2015 20:38
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DreamingofRoses posted:I'm IN, with a  flash rule a florist's shop must play a key role
sebmojo fucked around with this message at 21:30 on Jan 13, 2015 |
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Jan 13, 2015 21:22
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New Archive Features Judgemode: Sometimes people judging don't want to see the author, to eliminate their own perceived biases. To get rid of all author names in the week view and story view, enable Judgemode! Since this is a per-user feature, I'm assuming that the people who enable it are doing so for a specific purpose. The archive doesn't bother to hide the story from the author's profile, or any of the statistics/graphs. So if you want to judge anonymously, then stick to the week view and story view. To Enable, go to your author profile (by clicking your name in the top left of the archive when logged in) and push the "Enable Judgemode" button. To disable, do the same but click "Disable Judgemode." You don't have to be a judge that week to do this. Anybody can enable it whenever they want. Anonymous Weeks: Every once in a while the prompt calls for anonymous submissions. This is a pain in the rear end, generally. But no longer. I've created an anonymous submission page where any user logged into the archive will be able to submit their story, and it'll be automatically added to the week, and will hide your name from everything (i.e. no way for a judge to find out who submitted) until results are in. Then I can disable anonymous mode and we don't have to bother everybody about who wrote what. For now, you can preview the submission page at: http://writocracy.com/thunderdome/anonymous_submit.php In the future this page will only be enabled when the week is anonymous, and only if you haven't submitted a story yet. For now it submits nothing. Thank you for your time, you may now return to apologizing and using manners when signing up for a black metal prompt (???) crabrock fucked around with this message at 22:21 on Jan 13, 2015 |
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Jan 13, 2015 21:57
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Man I could loving kiss you if you weren't a smoker and also a crab and also a rock.
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Jan 13, 2015 22:10
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Your Sledgehammer posted:In, Unmaking The Carnal Demons Auraboks posted:In. Prompt me. Embers Of The Xenocidal Queen
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Jan 13, 2015 22:25
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Give me your most metal prompt before I battleaxe down your loving door and rip off your fingernails as a sacrifice to the Lord of Nails.
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Jan 13, 2015 23:16
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Walamor posted:Give me your most metal prompt before I battleaxe down your loving door and rip off your fingernails as a sacrifice to the Lord of Nails. I approve of this request. The Lord of Nails and I are good pals. Your prompt is: Screaming At Hecate Edit: we now have 30 entrants and I'm getting pretty pissed off at the amount of reading I've landed myself with. SO: Flash Rule for all signups from here on The word count is now 950, and will reduce by 10 after each signup. Maugrim fucked around with this message at 23:57 on Jan 13, 2015 |
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Jan 13, 2015 23:45
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chthonic bell posted:I'm in. Generate me a prompt, because Muffin took the one I was gonna take. i swear to god if you fail again, i'll change your avatar myself. http://writocracy.com/thunderdome/?author=chthonic%20bell
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Jan 14, 2015 01:29
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Week 127 Crits Keeping these short and to-the-point this week. SadisTech This is okay. It’s a funny story with decent imagery. But then, all war-fic seems to be either “war is hell” or “war is sometimes funny in a grim way.” This accomplished the latter well enough. I winced at the last line. I didn’t really see the point in couching the actual story inside family slice of life. It really didn’t add much. December Octopodes Oh. A Rosa Flores story. The first paragraph is really muddled. I’m not sure whether your narrator is inside the house or not, and plopping a line of unattributed dialog in the middle of all of it doesn’t help things. Also, your first line makes no sense. Choking on ash doesn’t have a smell. Smoke does. But choking is a feeling. The pacing is actually kind of okay, but the premise of this guy just charging into the camp is pretty ridiculous. At least he died at the end. Screaming Idiot This is actually okay, but I don’t think you handled the ‘writing about a writer’ thing too well. At least he wasn’t the protagonist. The whole bit at the end where he’s like “oh BTW i sold my novel and they want sequels” feels really disingenuous. I almost wish you’d used an entirely different subplot, because the fighting plot was decent. Benny the Snake Well, you already know I have a working theory about you, Benny. You’re some kind of social experiment. Maybe your gimmick is to fictionalize how-to manuals and encyclopedia articles. I can’t even fathom. Anyway, this one is decently written, though I feel like the ending has the poignance of an emotional freight train plummeting off the rails into hamfist canyon. No disrespect. tenniseveryone Why is a drinking contest deciding the captain? OH OKAY, it’s a truth serum drinking contest. Why is an impromptu truth serum drinking contest deciding who’s captain? It wasn’t really clear to me how or why Kip won, initially. His glass disappearing in a “shower of polygons” made me think he’d only faked drinking, but I guess not? Drinking more truth serum at the end was reeeeally stupid. Like everything about this plot, such as it is, is predicated on me, the reader, taking your word for it. DreamingofRoses Congrats, you stepped on a story landmine. I personally hate stories where the characters are animals all named Lion and Hyena and Dust Bunny and Dung Beetle or whatever. Your tone puts me in the mind of “How the Leopard Got its Spots” or whatever, but this isn’t an origin myth or a just-so story. Hmm lets see, the least trustworthy animal (the hyena in this case) goes and tricks all the other animals. The end. I don’t know man, the writing itself isn’t bad, it’s just the content of the story  Jitzu_the_Monk Okay, unlike some of the stories I’ve read this week, you’ve really tried to make your chosen location important and apparent in your story. I think the tone is the problem. Because the narrator is relating all of this to us in a really casual voice, I felt very removed from the scenes and the city in general. You have description, but it’s all fairly utilitarian. the “short-statured” man from Hong Kong? You did much better with the Dutch guy. The “sex” scene was way too goony. And your courtesan talks/thinks suspiciously like a Goon. Basically, change up your voice, make your writing more immediate, use more specific and hard-working adjectives, and check yourself when you wander into goony territory. hotsoupdinner Not bad. I read this all in one go. Some stories it takes two or three tries to get through, but not this one. My main critique is the ending. It’s satisfying enough, but you built up the tension about the competition pretty well, so I wanted to know who won! Pretty strong piece though. Welcome to Thunderdome. Jick Magger This was decently written and depressiing. I can’t think of any major flaws in the story, but watch your tenses, man. quote:
Both instances of “has” in that paragraph should be “had”. Other than that, this was fairly decent. Nubile Hillock This was pretty cool and different. I’m used to your action-packed cyberpunk stories, so this was a cool change of pace. I liked the whole beginning. I was a little confused when you started mentioning she/her though, and it took me a bit to realize that this guy was thinking about his dead wife. That’s one trend of yours I’ve noticed, you’ll kind of throw in these details that are too much of a non sequitur for me to instantly understand what you mean. Still, I figured it out. I like how you wove the computer, the wife, and the steppe vacation together. I was a bit confused by the end of the story. I don’t think you mention that the bus stopped or anything, so when there was suddenly firelight and singing, I was confused. But the good qualities of the story shined through, and I thought this was an interesting offering from you this week. PoshAlligator So, a dude sabotages a sort of cyber Magic the Gathering contest to try and make big bucks off of physical cards? That’s...a bit silly, but it almost worked. You kind of held back for too long, I would’ve liked more hints that the protag was up to something. Like, all this dissembling to get your protagonist into the convention and down to the server control thing, and then he just does what he came there to do? Even when it seems like there’ll be an obstacle (everything being in Japanese), he just goes with it and it’s fine. Other than that, this was okay. Guiness13 This isn’t really a story, bro. It’s a scene. It’s not a terribly done scene, exactly, but it’s pointless. Instead of feeling surprised or annoyed at the random dude with a knife at the end, I was just like, REALLY? I don’t know why this dude is running for the train, and so when he doesn’t make it, it’s like….okay? Mercedes TD Fanfic. Funny fanfic, fanfic that tickles my particular fancy. Works pretty well as a stand-alone piece, though I can’t be entirely objective about it. Needs more slashfic IMO. Way to pander to the ladies of the dome. quidnose I can’t think of much to say about this, other than it might have won in a weaker week. As it stands, I suspect the reason this HMed is because, while it’s very good, it was a little less action-packed than the other contenders for the win. Your characters were strong and the pathos was good. Well done! Entenzahn The biggest flaw for me in this piece was the relationship between David and Marisol, which is unfortunately a rather fundamental issue. Their relationship felt too contemptuous to me, no redeeming aspect at all. I liked the scene with the running of the bulls, but the hospital scene felt just pointlessly sad, like Marisol was a martyr to David’s gaming addiction. Which I think was kind of the point? But none of it sat quite right, though the writing was pretty good. Maugrim Ah, man. This just hit the spot for me this week. The descriptions of the narrator’s cheeses, how he would fold feelings into them, was spot on. Everything about it felt natural, not forced. The twist at the end, with the protagonist letting his wife die, was surprising but not out of left field. Well done, a genuinely pleasant read. Schneider Heim The action was good. The backstory almost verged on being too convoluted, and I wasn’t too sure about your placement of the flashback, but it worked. It definitely served to make me care about the race. By the time your protagonist has to make the choice to give up the race or save her half-step-brother, I felt like I knew her character well enough that the choice to save Henrik seemed natural. Tyrannosaurus I sort of liked how you weren’t like, THIS GUY IS A WASHED-UP ICE SCULPTOR from the very beginning. I was curious what sort of event he was off to, and the semi-reveal that it was all has-been ice sculptors was great. I laughed a bit when Donnie won by defiantly carving an ice block. It all rounded off nicely, and this was yet another piece that probably have won a less strong week. You already know you’re good, though. I think you matched your subject to your writing voice really well this week. Jonked Not your best bro. First of all, the descriptions of Las Vegas are pretty super cliche. Second, I thought the actual story--your protag working his way up the brackets--was lacking. I mean, we wins until he loses. And then the winner is a cheat. The last paragraph, where the protagonist gives the cheater his comeuppance, just read like tacked-on ShitThatDidn’tHappen.txt. Your_Sledgehammer This was a cool/fun story about an eagle-taming girl proving herself to the male hunters. This was yeeet another piece that could’ve HMed in a different week, but we had to stop ourselves somewhere. I enjoyed Bayaarmaa’s victory; there was enough of a moment there where it was uncertain whether she would succeed, so when her eagle surprised everyone by killing a wolf, it was a satisfying turn around. This could be the beginning to a cool adventure novel IMO. WeLandedOnTheMoon! This was a really visceral and tense interrogation scene, and I really wanted to know the actual relationships between the characters, but ??!!. It’s like a TV thriller got interrupted mid episode. Like I don’t think you gave us enough information to extrapolate each character’s role. Which was a shame, because it was some good writing throughout. Morning Bell The whole “time is a dot not an arrow” thing was really effective. This was a little dense for me, and I wasn’t overfond of the voice (you seemed to really Tell the story rather than let me feel it), but the emotional weight of it still came through. It has the potential to be quite cinematic though, with some editing. Bad Ideas Good I really didn’t like the first paragraph. Who’s narrating? Why not use those words to develop your characters? Because all I really know about Luc and Rodi is that they are racing each other. When Luc basically throws the race to help Rodi, I’m taking your word for it that this character would do that sort of thing. Your last sentence is noticeably weak; if you end your story on “...and then he decided he never wanted to be in [place] again, you haven’t done enough character development. See Schneider Heim’s story this week for a pretty good example of almost the exact same plot. Ironic Twist This was gross and emotional and moving and terrifying. Good job! It was really close to the win. The only thing *I* thought was contrived was the whole marriage flashback. But the other judges liked it, so I think that was just me. Everything else worked flawlessly, though. The brothers’ relationship, the swimming metaphor, Janne’s way of explaining his competitive streak with his brother. Good wordslinging, partner. Walamor I don’t know how likely any of this is. I guess the whole story is predicated on Dieter being able to just up and switch teams right before a major game. I don’t know if that’s a thing, but my limited understand of sprot makes me think that players have to have contracts and stuff. But anyway. This was mostly ok, and Dieter realizing the error of his ways was satisfying enough. The very last line was way too on-the-nose, though. Grizzled Patriarch I feel like this was supposed to be tense, but I didn’t quite feel it. I get that the whole “competition” was as much as test of bravery as it was a means to get home, but it seems idiotic to run past a sniper one by one. SOMEONE was going to get shot. I, the reader, knew it, even if the characters were somehow convinced they might all make it. Otherwise, not bad. Certainly not a weak piece, but its zazz levels were somewhat low. Leekster This is so blah blah blah blaaah for a short, quick piece. I don’t learn anything about the narrator that makes me care about this *specific* story. What I was able to gather is that he’s watching some revolutionary poo poo go down in Tehran while trying to rescue his allies. But instead, a tank happens, and everything is fine. The End. Your subject matter was all coherent and familiar enough that I could follow it, but too brief and too generic for me to care. I think there was the seed of a more complete idea here, but I suspect you left it to the last moment. Kurona_bright My first thought was you’ve got too many characters here. Like, 3 is too many for the first scene. By the time they’d made their decision about who was going where, I had to remind myself who the main character was. There’s some hint at a deeper plot, with the protagonist constantly replaying her mean mom’s voice in her head. But it’s not really important to the rest of the story. Then the protag sees some cliff divers who don’t die, and decides to make up with her mom or something? I dunno, too much fluff in this. It buries the REAL plot, which is the protagonist’s issues with her mom. Sebmojo You knew i love the word kerfuffle didn’t you, panderer??.! This was fun in the beginning, tense at the end. The only thing was, I didn’t get much of a sense for your narrator other than he was more cautious and very intent on looking out for his brother. I would have sacrificed that fight at the beginning to add more onto the end, also. But let me guess you wrote this super fast at 11:58 PM PST because for some reason you refuse to offer me anything but half-thought fripperies that are all the more infuriating because I can see that, with a tiny bit more effort, they could be most excellent indeed. In conclusion, this was good but do better next time, gently caress you.
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Jan 14, 2015 01:46
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okay after some deliberation I'm in. Prompt me, you shitloving turdhuffer!!
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Jan 14, 2015 03:12
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