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everythingWasBees
Jan 9, 2013



I'm going to bed, so I guess a ##vote Matthew Beet, then.

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everythingWasBees
Jan 9, 2013



##vote Matthew Beet

BCR
Jan 23, 2011

Australian Unions.
Join. For a better life.


Well, I'm a man of my word.

##vote BCR

whats for dinner
Sep 25, 2006

IT TURN OUT METAL FOR DINNER!



##vote BCR

I don't find any of the reasons for voting for Coq that convincing. BCR has been posting a lot of white noise and hasn't even bothered to vote yet. He's the most reliable lynch we'll get, I think.

votefinder
Jul 6, 2010

scoop scoop


Oh no! I think BCR is hammered!

Bifauxnen
Aug 11, 2010

Resurrected
Living in a lighthouse
The lions and the lambs ain't sleeping yet


The town was divided after another night with a grisly murder. The traitors could be anywhere! Multiple people had fingers pointed their way, but one in particular just didn't seem to be giving any satisfactory responses for his defense. Every time he spoke, his approval rating only dropped further. The town started to look at him with more suspicion. Sure, he sported an impressively-sized rump for a head, but what if it was a fake, and he was really one of the outsiders? They circled around him, demanding more answers.

BCR looked out at the accusing crowd, baffled and disoriented. In his confusion, he even cast a vote for himself. This only frustrated the mob further. Had he lost all grip on reality?

"Explain yourself!" someone cried. But the suspicious man gave no answer.

"You're not saying anything, BCR." The silence became awkward as the butt-faced man's cheeks jiggled from side to side.

"...I've given you the response you deserve."

The town was livid, and pounced on him as one, tearing and clawing at him to remove his disguise. He'd been wearing a novelty rubber mask all along! Behind the facade of round and friendly buttcheeks was a smarmy lizard-like face, and beneath his suit and blue tie was a Speedo that somehow, on that body, managed to look distasteful even to the valley's raunchiest residents.

The crowd groaned in disgust, and involuntarily turned away. This was his chance! BCR broke free of his holds, and made a blind run for it. He'd put some good distance between them before the mob could snap out of it and follow him. He looked behind with a smug grin, and it only made them falter and hesitate more. He was approaching one edge of the valley, and saw a path he could take to escape back into the mountains. He'd done it! The town had given up and turned back. Or so he thought.

The town had no more need to chase him. Everyone from the valley knew to never approach that path. For up in that mountain was a land of no return: the territory of the two-faced, back-stabbing bishrudds.



(RIP BCR, Mafia)


quote:

You are Tony Abbott in budgie smugglers. Your likeness has been put onto novelty condoms to keep people from ever reproducing. You look like a lizard man and cannot be around a singular woman in a mostly-male environment without saying the exact same line all the drat time about how she "must be the most popular girl in the place, eh? Eh?" Nobody wants to see that poo poo or listen to you speak, ever. Just please, crawl into a hole and die AND OH GOD STOP WINKING, THAT'S ONLY MAKING IT WORSE

Bifauxnen
Aug 11, 2010

Resurrected
Living in a lighthouse
The lions and the lambs ain't sleeping yet


There is much merriment in the town following the death of BCR. Although some killjoys still plead for caution, most of the citizens are absolutely sure that now they've caught one criminal, the others will flee the valley and move on to other, more prudish climes. A celebration is declared. The queefs of triumph are sounded and much drinking and dancing ensues. Soon every man, woman and house in the village is pregnant.

That evening, Splode fills his bucket with heaving titties and goes out to feed the dickhens. He goes alone, as he always does; he's had nobody to help him since his assistant ran away to join the circus and his wife committed suicide by posting herself in her full turgid glory on the Neopets trading forum.

Splode knows that his job is dangerous. The titties, which are organically grown and harvested in the valley under the blushing, sultry sun, have given the hens a raging appetite for all things bosomy. Whenever he perches on top of the fence, shaking titties into the pasture below, the hens gather and squint at him with eyes like soulless chips of glass. They are sinister-looking creatures, the hens. Black and ferociously clawed, their blood-red beaks and enormous scrotums gleaming as if freshly waxed, they are always hungry; their constant low burbling is full of predatory menace. One misstep and Splode would fall in amongst them. A delicious breast like him wouldn't last two seconds. He has no choice, though; their meat is so prized in the town that he's made a small fortune off them, and a steady diet of titties is required to give their flesh the succulent tang that his customers demand.

As their feed wobbles and screams in ecstacy, the dickhens scratch and cluck and squirt exquisite green ribbons of poo poo. Splode watches them with mixed fondness and revulsion. Two of them get into a squabble over a particularly juicy nipple, thrusting and parrying with their hairy chodes; Splode shouts at them and they gnash their anal plates at him menacingly. The disturbance upsets the others. Soon the whole flock is bellowing with the voices of passionate men. Alarmed, fearing that they'll harm each other, Splode turns to grab the hose - and freezes as he sees the outline of a warped and hideous figure looming in the doorway of the barn.

"My hot buttocks," he exclaims, as those very same buttocks clench tight in fear.

He tries to stand, hoping to dance the intruder into submission, but it's too late. They rush him. One push is all it takes to knock him from his precarious perch.

He seems to hang mid-fall for the longest time, his trio of erect nipples pointing desperately heavenward; then he lands, and in seconds the dickhens are upon him.

Noticing the next morning that Splode's hens have been released from their coop and are seducing fauna and flora across the countryside, a worried neighbour alerts the police. Splode is the most responsible farmer in the district. If he knew his hens had escaped, he would put the whole neighbourhood into lockdown until they were reclaimed to avoid injury or ill-advised marriage. The authorities rush to his farm, concerned for the wellbeing of this upstanding, solid, tumescent member of the community.

A horrifying scene greets them when they arrive. There is little left of Splode. As they investigate the signs of a scuffle, the smashed barn lock and the mysterious trail of greasy crumbs, it becomes clear that this wasn't just a tragic farming accident. This was another murder.

They may have caught one criminal, but there are others still at large. Their celebration was premature: the town still isn't safe.

The hens are lured with sensuous singing and re-captured. Over the next few hours, they release Splode by small increments in the form of eggs. Uncertain of how to handle this situation, the townspeople gather up the eggs, wrap them in the scarlet latex bra that was Splode's favourite garment, and bury them by the river.

Even this sad ceremony is poisoned with suspicion. Every nipple is shrivelled, every penis distrustfully retracted. People mutter and gossip and cast nasty glances at their neighbours. Murderers walk among them. Can anyone truly be trusted?

(RIP Splode, Town)


quote:

You are a ripe and ready breast. Pink and turgid, crowned with a single razor-sharp rosette of a nipple, you hang suspended in midair and bounce whenever the fancy takes you. A fine black coat of hair dusts your sensual curves. Your cleavage is precipitous, a sweet chasm in the depths of which there flows a mighty river.

votefinder
Jul 6, 2010

scoop scoop


Votecount for Day 5



Not Voting (7): everythingWasBees, Matthew Beet, Mithranderp, SKY COQ, Small Keating, Splode, whats for dinner

With 7 alive, it's 4 votes to lynch. The current deadline is February 08th, 2015 at 8 p.m. EST -- that's in about 12 hours, 56 minutes.

Bifauxnen
Aug 11, 2010

Resurrected
Living in a lighthouse
The lions and the lambs ain't sleeping yet


Scratch that, reverse it. Forgot one dead player. SIX alive, but still 4 to lynch.

hambeet
Sep 13, 2002





That was confusing to come back and read. Okay my daughters 4th birthday part y today so I'm out of action until at least mid afternoon.

My money is on coq atm.

##vote sky coq

Coq au Nandos
Nov 7, 2006

I think I would say to my daughters if they were to ask me this question... A shitpost is the greatest gift that you can give someone, the ultimate gift of giving and don't give it to someone lightly, that's what I would say.


Matthew Beet posted:



That was confusing to come back and read. Okay my daughters 4th birthday part y today so I'm out of action until at least mid afternoon.

My money is on coq atm.

##vote sky coq

Why on earth would you still be suss on me? I protected Anidav and he flipped town. I voted BCR two days straight and, surprise surprise, he was scum.

I'd hate to be painted as doing an OMGUS so early in the day but unless I can dig up a good argument for someone else, you're my new favourite suspect.

The Before Times
Mar 8, 2014

Once upon a time, I would have thrown you halfway to the moon for a crack like that.


Hey! One of my hunches was correct . Yeah I am suss on beet, SK, and possibly Bees.

everythingWasBees
Jan 9, 2013



I'm suss on beet because it feels weird that he keeps on going after coq, even though I don't really see reasoning why. They've been kinda unassuming, if anything.

everythingWasBees
Jan 9, 2013



Which might be a reason to be suspicious, I guess, but it feels less like they're scum and more that they aren't just as overactive as BCR and Beet were. Are.

The Before Times
Mar 8, 2014

Once upon a time, I would have thrown you halfway to the moon for a crack like that.


Voting history for all remaining players:

EWB:
D1 Harold, D2 Bell Jar, D3 Anidav, D4 Beet

Beet:
D1 Mithranderp, D2 Bell Jar, D3 Anidav, D4 (didn't vote)

Mithranderp:
D1 Harold, D2 BCR, D3 (didn't vote, migraine), D4 BCR

Coq:
D1 Harold, D2 Bell Jar, D3 BCR, D4 BCR

SK:
D1 Harold, D2 BCR, D3 Anidav, D4 Coq

WFD:
D1 (didn't vote), D2 Bell Jar, D3 Anidav, D4 BCR.

The Before Times
Mar 8, 2014

Once upon a time, I would have thrown you halfway to the moon for a crack like that.


I was reluctant to vote for Beet on day 2 because it could have been a set-up. But at this point his voting history is looking pretty un-sexy. SK as well--though he did vote for BCR on day 2. Beet is far more dangerous as scum--he can be very persuasive.
EWB's voting for beet on D4 when we really could have used another vote for BCR is a bit odd, though I could put that down to uncertainty.

I think (IIRC) Toml, Phyx, and Bell Jar were all varying degrees of suss on Beet.

everythingWasBees
Jan 9, 2013



Mithranderp posted:

I was reluctant to vote for Beet on day 2 because it could have been a set-up. But at this point his voting history is looking pretty un-sexy. SK as well--though he did vote for BCR on day 2. Beet is far more dangerous as scum--he can be very persuasive.
EWB's voting for beet on D4 when we really could have used another vote for BCR is a bit odd, though I could put that down to uncertainty.

I think (IIRC) Toml, Phyx, and Bell Jar were all varying degrees of suss on Beet.

Given that the last two times I had voted they had ended up being town, I didn't want to end up hammering someone I wasn't sure about, especially since there wasn't as much discussion that day as there had been the days prior so I didn't want to just jump on the bandwagon prematurely if people were gonna deliberate otherwise while I was asleep. Beet still seems like he's overcompensating in my eyes, so I felt that I'd vote for someone I felt more certain about if I wasn't gonna be up to read any more arguments. Which, in hindsight is probably a stupid play but I was sleepy.

Small Keating
Dec 24, 2012

That you, Jim? Paul Keating here. Just because you swallowed a fucking dictionary when you were about 15 doesn't give you the right to pour a bucket of shit over the rest of us.


Mithranderp posted:

I was reluctant to vote for Beet on day 2 because it could have been a set-up. But at this point his voting history is looking pretty un-sexy. SK as well--though he did vote for BCR on day 2. Beet is far more dangerous as scum--he can be very persuasive.
EWB's voting for beet on D4 when we really could have used another vote for BCR is a bit odd, though I could put that down to uncertainty.

I think (IIRC) Toml, Phyx, and Bell Jar were all varying degrees of suss on Beet.

Sorry, late to the party, went out yesterday afternoon and missed the BCR lynch. He was scum!

In the wake of black_tangled having been wrong about BCR, I am not so sure about her feelings on SKY COQ now. COQ voted BCR out, and unless the scum decided to sacrifice BCR once he was rumbled, that would seem to suggest at least the possibility of innocence.

Beet is definitely starting to look suss in the wake of totally avoiding a BCR lynch yesterday, voting for townies every other day.

##vote Matthew Beet

everythingWasBees
Jan 9, 2013



Oh right I didn't do that today. ##vote Matthew Beet

The Before Times
Mar 8, 2014

Once upon a time, I would have thrown you halfway to the moon for a crack like that.


I'm leaving for work in ~1.5 hours, but I'll vote now and check back during my break (whenever that happens to be)

##vote Matthew Beet

Just a heads up for town, if Beet flips scum it doesn't necessarily mean that people who voted for him are not scum. In fact, it'll make it harder to identify the remaining scum (I'm guessing there are 2-3 left at this point).

If he flips town then IDK. He's my best bet for scum at the moment.

Coq au Nandos
Nov 7, 2006

I think I would say to my daughters if they were to ask me this question... A shitpost is the greatest gift that you can give someone, the ultimate gift of giving and don't give it to someone lightly, that's what I would say.


Mithranderp posted:

Voting history for all remaining players:

EWB:
D1 Harold, D2 Bell Jar, D3 Anidav, D4 Beet

Beet:
D1 Mithranderp, D2 Bell Jar, D3 Anidav, D4 (didn't vote)


Mithranderp:
D1 Harold, D2 BCR, D3 (didn't vote, migraine), D4 BCR

Coq:
D1 Harold, D2 Bell Jar, D3 BCR, D4 BCR

SK:
D1 Harold, D2 BCR, D3 Anidav, D4 Coq

WFD:
D1 (didn't vote), D2 Bell Jar, D3 Anidav, D4 BCR.

This is good enough for me. Beet's voting record is sketchy as gently caress.

##vote Matthew Beet

votefinder
Jul 6, 2010

scoop scoop


I say, chap, that appears to be the crimson mallet for Matthew Beet.

Asphyxious
Jun 25, 2012

I knew the consequences. But... I cannot apologize. I will not. If I should apologize or feel regret, then everything would have been for naught. I will never defeat the scum if I do.


finally

Bifauxnen
Aug 11, 2010

Resurrected
Living in a lighthouse
The lions and the lambs ain't sleeping yet


The mob has come for Beet! They kick his door down and flood his most intimate inner spaces, brandishing pitchforks and multi-pronged dildos. But this lean and athletic vagina isn't going without a fight. He backs into a corner, pubes bristling, and pleads his innocence with one last speech.

"Friends!" he beseeches the crowd. "Do not commit this terrible deed. I'm but a simple vagina, at once humble and overwhelmingly sexy. My gleaming folds invite you to sample my banquet of fluids and flavours. My breasts are like rosy pillows. When I dance, I am like a midnight tiger; the only deer that I stalk is your sexual satisfaction."

The lynch mob pauses, moved by his powerful words.

"I am one of you, comrades. I'm majestically cleft down the centre, my clitoris slender and curved, its taut orange membrane erotically quivering. My meaty labia clasp you in their loving folds."

Now the townspeople are nodding, swayed by this undeniable display of sex appeal.

Encouraged, Beet continues. "I am intensely hot, not just metaphorically but literally, as I have just emerged from a deep frier. My horny grease dribbles and flows, my golden crusts-..."

An involuntary shudder runs through every one of those assembled. Suddenly the atmosphere is a lot more hostile; accusing nipples wink at him from every direction. Grease? Crusts? It's illegal in the valley to even think of the word "crust" in a sexual context. His slip of the tongue has doomed him. They begin to advance.

Panicking, he twerks backward. There is something strange about his labia now. The luscious lips have taken on an unpleasantly craggy appearance; the skin is turning grainy, and the air is suddenly thick with the smell of processed meat.

"You can't report me!" Beet shouts. "You wouldn't dare!" Even as he speaks, his voice is slowing and slurring. It is becoming corrupted, full of nauseous drips and burps; the eldritch pustulent bubbling of unspeakable sauces. "I am a sexual paragon, I am a gorgeous vagina, I am your queelglh glob glob, blub blob-..."

Before their very eyes, the pulsating cooch starts to take on another form! Townspeople shriek and heave and dry-hump each other in an ecstacy of terror. Breasts scream and cover the nipples of the smaller breasts. Through a haze of fetid cooking oil that hasn't been changed since the late nineties, they see the outline of something malformed and gritty, its batter roiling, its obscene central phallus arcing hungrily, pink and glistening, as its merciless schnitzel jaws reach out to engulf them... and then, moments before disaster strikes, some brave soul files a report on this apparition from the depths. It is permabanned instantly.

A puddle of oil remains, slowly soaking into the earth like semen being absorbed into my hungry nude flesh as I recline gracefully in the moonlight. Wherever the oil spreads, the grass blackens and dies.

"It's not really porn, but it looks loving gross so I don't want it here," declares the ban message. "I'd still eat it though."

(RIP Matthew Beet, Mafia)


quote:

You are a KFC Double Down Dog. Maybe you should get some points for trying to look suitably hermaphroditic, but honestly, look at this, it's just disgusting:



Nobody who eats one of these is going to be feeling sexy for a looong long time.

Bifauxnen
Aug 11, 2010

Resurrected
Living in a lighthouse
The lions and the lambs ain't sleeping yet


Note: there won't be a double day today, check back for D6 at the usual morning time!

bell jar
Feb 25, 2009



bell jar posted:

not if everyone is expecting you as scum to avoid doing that. you're scum.

if i get lynched or nightkilled before you, at least i'll be vindicated on your death

Bifauxnen
Aug 11, 2010

Resurrected
Living in a lighthouse
The lions and the lambs ain't sleeping yet


The tide had turned, and the town was finally alive again. They'd chased out two of those murderous invaders, one after the other. Erect and swollen with confidence, they celebrated all night long, in every position they could think of. Even down to the littlest chode.

But as that little chode swaggered home for some much-needed rest, he heard something unusual. It sounded like angry muttering. Who could be in such a foul mood tonight?

Comfortably buzzed on champagne and several doses of pheremones, he lacked all caution as he peered down the alleyway that the noise was coming from. Outlined in the dim street lights, he saw an imposing figure of stark black and white, smoking a cigarette in a long holder. Even facing away from him, just her silhouette looked so confronting that she really wasn't doing anything for him. He turned to go back on his way, but stumbled into a discarded bottle that clattered noisily.

She turned, her head snapping to face him like a hungry dickhen spotting a fat grub. Her hard, square face looked down at him with an ice-cold stare that bored into his very soul, and then berated and abused him for daring to consider such a childish notion of even having a soul. He was utterly frozen with terror as she walked closer.

His apparent heart attack almost could have been overlooked as an unfortunate coincidence, a tragic toll from last night's celebrations. But the town was certain there was still foul play afoot. Stamped right into his skin was the sign of the dollar.

(RIP everythingWasBees, Town)


quote:

You are a fat little chode. A nodule of winsome flesh, cradled in a lush nest of testicles, you are sociable and highly cultured. Your tender candy-pink skin writhes with veins. Your bell-end is a weird, slightly convex disc like a slice of cooked pepperoni. What you lack in length, you make up for in enthusiasm and muscularity.

votefinder
Jul 6, 2010

scoop scoop


Votecount for Day 6



Not Voting (4): Mithranderp, SKY COQ, Small Keating, whats for dinner

With 4 alive, it's 3 votes to lynch. The current deadline is February 09th, 2015 at 8 p.m. EST -- that's in about 13 hours, 3 minutes.

Those On My Left
Jun 25, 2010



this flavour text is off the loving charts

Asphyxious
Jun 25, 2012

I knew the consequences. But... I cannot apologize. I will not. If I should apologize or feel regret, then everything would have been for naught. I will never defeat the scum if I do.


Those On My Left posted:

this flavour text is off the loving charts

God yes

hambeet
Sep 13, 2002




hambeet
Sep 13, 2002



It's a shame I've been so busy the last few days that I haven't put in my all. Good luck to my 4 other team mates.

The Before Times
Mar 8, 2014

Once upon a time, I would have thrown you halfway to the moon for a crack like that.




it's too early. I have no thoughts yet this morning.

Coq, SK...what're you thinking?

whats for dinner
Sep 25, 2006

IT TURN OUT METAL FOR DINNER!



So it was nth-dimensional chess after all. Sorry about not being here, yesterday, I slept in and it was all over by the time I'd had some coffee. Good result, though.

Small Keating
Dec 24, 2012

That you, Jim? Paul Keating here. Just because you swallowed a fucking dictionary when you were about 15 doesn't give you the right to pour a bucket of shit over the rest of us.


So, bouncing off Mithranderp's helpful voting history from earlier:

Mithranderp:
D1 Harold, D2 BCR, D3 (didn't vote, migraine), D4 BCR, D5 Beet

Coq:
D1 Harold, D2 Bell Jar, D3 BCR, D4 BCR, D5 Beet

SK:
D1 Harold, D2 BCR, D3 Anidav, D4 Coq (missed the lynch on BCR), D5 Beet

WFD:
D1 (didn't vote), D2 Bell Jar, D3 Anidav, D4 BCR, D5 No vote

I think this is correct, please tell me if I got this wrong.

Both COQ and Mith both ponied up votes for two scum players in a row, which would suggest either one of them is hoping to throw suspicion off by throwing the other scum under the bus when it is obvious they have been outed, or both of them are townies (more likely).

I was a bit slack on the BCR vote, but was one of the first on the Beet train after the voting histories became public knowledge.

WFD didn't vote on D1, voted for townies two days in a row, jumped on the BCR lynch, but did not throw in on the Beet lynch.

##vote whats for dinner

Coq au Nandos
Nov 7, 2006

I think I would say to my daughters if they were to ask me this question... A shitpost is the greatest gift that you can give someone, the ultimate gift of giving and don't give it to someone lightly, that's what I would say.


My two suss players at this point are SK and what's for dinner - Mithranderp is off my list for suggesting that there is a scum element to yesterday's Beet vote.

We're in the endgame here. Want to hear from both of you before I vote.

SK: Why did you vote for me on D4? Initially?
WFD: Why not vote for Beet yesterday?

The Before Times
Mar 8, 2014

Once upon a time, I would have thrown you halfway to the moon for a crack like that.


SKY COQ posted:

My two suss players at this point are SK and what's for dinner - Mithranderp is off my list for suggesting that there is a scum element to yesterday's Beet vote.

We're in the endgame here. Want to hear from both of you before I vote.

SK: Why did you vote for me on D4? Initially?
WFD: Why not vote for Beet yesterday?

Yeah. My guess is that we can win today if we finger the right player as scum. Unfortunately if we get the wrong one, we're boned.

*sexual innuendo intensifies*

The Before Times
Mar 8, 2014

Once upon a time, I would have thrown you halfway to the moon for a crack like that.


Coq, if it's you, scum has played masterfully in constantly targeting you for suspicion.

Coq au Nandos
Nov 7, 2006

I think I would say to my daughters if they were to ask me this question... A shitpost is the greatest gift that you can give someone, the ultimate gift of giving and don't give it to someone lightly, that's what I would say.


Mithranderp posted:

Coq, if it's you, scum has played masterfully in constantly targeting you for suspicion.

Unfortunately I've been targeted by a succession of misguided townies.

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whats for dinner
Sep 25, 2006

IT TURN OUT METAL FOR DINNER!



SKY COQ posted:

My two suss players at this point are SK and what's for dinner - Mithranderp is off my list for suggesting that there is a scum element to yesterday's Beet vote.

We're in the endgame here. Want to hear from both of you before I vote.

SK: Why did you vote for me on D4? Initially?
WFD: Why not vote for Beet yesterday?

I didn't vote for beet because by the time I was ready to look at the thread he'd already been hammered and the rules say you can't post after the hammer's been dropped. Not that it mattered much, I planned on voting for beet because he was the only player I had any really hard suspicions on, anymore.

On day one I didn't vote 'cause I was still finding my feet and was hoping for more discussion beyond 'ugh harold' which we almost had until he was hammered. I voted for bell jar day 2 because pushing for turbolynches seems really suss to me and I thought scum were setting beet up for a fall. I was also really swayed by the anidav being coached argument, especially when he started to flail a little bit when the hammer got close. Yeah, I got played pretty hard but those were the genuine reasons I had for voting them. I figured BCR was being thrown under the bus by other scum, but didn't want to miss the opportunity to get an actual scum.

I'm going to do another read and then get back with who I'm suss on now.

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