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Cthulu Carl
Apr 16, 2006




Krispy Kareem posted:

But Godless heathens that never actually killed anyone, since Cain was supposed to represent the first murderer. Thereby separating morality from religion

Then there were the divine beings that were wandering around and having demigod children. The Old Testament was so awesome with it's incest and plagues and sacrificing. I'm going to wager Jim Bob skips the Lott stories at the evening Bible study, though.

Actually, Lott offering up his daughters to the slavering rape hoard would probably fit well with his ideology. Same with his wife getting turned to salt. Lott getting date raped by his daughters though? That'll get skipped over.

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Spandex Bonerlord
Sep 30, 2014



It's sad when you think about how the Duggars could have dugged 9/11, and people probably would have defended them.

Spandex Bonerlord
Sep 30, 2014



"It was an honest mistake, Josh didn't mean to crash into the twin towers"

Geoj
May 28, 2008

BITTER POOR PERSON


Krispy Kareem posted:

I'm going to wager Jim Bob skips the Lott stories at the evening Bible study, though.

I wonder if that would have been before or after Josh's "youthful discretions" with his sisters...

Geoj fucked around with this message at 18:25 on Jul 23, 2015

Pvt.Scott
Feb 16, 2007


DaveSplitter posted:

"It was an honest mistake, Josh didn't mean to crash into the twin towers"

It happened years ago and he went through specious therapy. Sure he wasn't punished by the law due to actions of family and friends, but don't you think those people that survived the tower collapse have suffered enough? Why reopen old wounds over ancient history?

Lord of Pie
Mar 2, 2007




Krispy Kareem posted:

But Godless heathens that never actually killed anyone, since Cain was supposed to represent the first murderer. Thereby separating morality from religion

Then there were the divine beings that were wandering around and having demigod children. The Old Testament was so awesome with it's incest and plagues and sacrificing. I'm going to wager Jim Bob skips the Lott stories at the evening Bible study, though.

No, I think you'll find that the story of the guy that has freaky drunk sex with his daughters is one of Jim Bob's favorites

Fur20
Nov 14, 2007

すご▞い!
君は働か░い
フ▙▓ズなんだね!


Krispy Kareem posted:

When everyone has a lifespan of 900+ years it's easier to work out the logic.

isn't this a misinterpretation but modern religious fanatics are too stupid to realize that a "year" by early biblical definition is actually a single lunar cycle

that's only like in the low to mid 70s, which isn't that unrealistic to imagine that a couple people would live that long even though they were all shitfarmers

Fur20 fucked around with this message at 18:51 on Jul 23, 2015

happyhippy
Feb 21, 2005

Playing games, watching movies, owning goons. 'sup


Pillbug

DaveSplitter posted:

"It was an honest mistake, Josh didn't mean to crash into the twin towers"

"Josh learned his lesson from crashing into the twin towers. We reported it to the local policeman and Josh went and built an outhouse as punishment"

Alan Smithee
Jan 3, 2005

Behold the power of the DIC
(Dairy Industrial Complex)


it turns out the policeman had himself driven a truck bomb into a federal building

Shroud
May 11, 2009


He didn't actually put bombs in the buildings, just touched them on the outside. Don't worry though, I hear its common in other conservative countries as well.

Pvt.Scott
Feb 16, 2007


The cultures around the Jews at the time also had a practice of stating the lives of kings and great mean as silly long to show their power.
Dude might have only lived to 45 but they put him down for a glorious 10,000 year reign.

I AM GRANDO
Aug 20, 2006



Did anyone make like a True Detective thing about the Duggars? Seems like a good parody opportunity.

Code Jockey
Jan 24, 2006

69420 basic bytes free


jim fuel can't melt steel bobs

Krispy Wafer
Jul 26, 2002

I shouted out "Free the exposed 67"
But they stood on my hair and told me I was fat



Grimey Drawer

The White Dragon posted:

isn't this a misinterpretation but modern religious fanatics are too stupid to realize that a "year" by early biblical definition is actually a single lunar cycle

that's only like in the low to mid 70s, which isn't that unrealistic to imagine that a couple people would live that long even though they were all shitfarmers

I always figured it was because record keeping wasn't great and they didn't have enough begots and begats to fill in all 4k years so suddenly everyone lived really really long times.

I've heard a theory that all the water from Noah's flood was from the protective layer that surrounded the Earth after it's creation. With that layer gone, harmful rays from the sun shortened our lifespans to the more reasonable 120 years.

I have no idea when 120 years was settled upon, but it is a little interesting to note cell reproduction and degeneration limits puts the maximum human lifespan at around 125 years.

Xelkelvos
Dec 19, 2012


Jack Gladney posted:

Did anyone make like a True Detective thing about the Duggars? Seems like a good parody opportunity.

Sounds more like a Law and Order: SVU episode.

Captain Yossarian
Feb 24, 2011

All new" Rings of Fire"


Krispy Kareem posted:

I always figured it was because record keeping wasn't great and they didn't have enough begots and begats to fill in all 4k years so suddenly everyone lived really really long times.

I've heard a theory that all the water from Noah's flood was from the protective layer that surrounded the Earth after it's creation. With that layer gone, harmful rays from the sun shortened our lifespans to the more reasonable 120 years.

I have no idea when 120 years was settled upon, but it is a little interesting to note cell reproduction and degeneration limits puts the maximum human lifespan at around 125 years.

Are there people that did/currently believe this?

Waroduce
Aug 5, 2008


Captain Yossarian posted:

Are there people that did/currently believe this?

Ya thats like a super vanilla christian fundy way to explain the flood and poo poo

Pvt.Scott
Feb 16, 2007


Yup. I learned that poo poo in Sunday school.

Captain Yossarian
Feb 24, 2011

All new" Rings of Fire"


Pvt.Scott posted:

Yup. I learned that poo poo in Sunday school.

Huh, I learned something today.. god bles.

happyhippy
Feb 21, 2005

Playing games, watching movies, owning goons. 'sup


Pillbug

Krispy Kareem posted:

I always figured it was because record keeping wasn't great and they didn't have enough begots and begats to fill in all 4k years so suddenly everyone lived really really long times.

I've heard a theory that all the water from Noah's flood was from the protective layer that surrounded the Earth after it's creation. With that layer gone, harmful rays from the sun shortened our lifespans to the more reasonable 120 years.

I have no idea when 120 years was settled upon, but it is a little interesting to note cell reproduction and degeneration limits puts the maximum human lifespan at around 125 years.

There are a lot of good YT videos showing how this would be impossible.
And there are so many contradictions in the noah's ark story its hilarious that people believe it happened.

Pvt.Scott
Feb 16, 2007


happyhippy posted:

There are a lot of good YT videos showing how this would be impossible.
And there are so many contradictions in the noah's ark story its hilarious that people believe it happened.

Everyone remembers the animals getting loaded on two by two, but that was only for unclean beasts, (inedible or prohibited animals) everything else was seven by seven. Fourteen fuckin cows, doves, sheep, chickens, goats, horses, turtles, tortoises etc. most ark size estimates I've seen ignore this detail.

artsy fartsy
May 9, 2014

You'll be ahead instead of behind. Hello!

When I was a kid a guy came to our church and did a whole flood presentation thing with a scale model and everything. This was where I first heard about the layer of water atmosphere (and because it's gone we live shorter lives and girls get their periods earlier), and also that the craters on the moon are from when God and the devil had an epic rock-throwing battle.

God hates rocks.

ElGroucho
Nov 1, 2005

We already - What about sticking our middle fingers up... That was insane


Fun Shoe

Pvt.Scott posted:

Yup. I learned that poo poo in Sunday school.

Man, my Sunday school sucked. All they taught us to do was to contemplate the Spooky Stations of the Cross Mysteries

Pvt.Scott
Feb 16, 2007


ElGroucho posted:

Man, my Sunday school sucked. All they taught us to do was to contemplate the Spooky Stations of the Cross Mysteries

Well, that's what you get for being a hell-bound, Mary worshipping papist. Radical Protestant offshoots are where the true Christians live under constant siege for having the Truth.

Or maybe you were Lutheran. Catholic Lite. If so, you're cool cause you don't worship Mary and the pope.

Mr Ice Cream Glove
Apr 22, 2007
"If you put a hamburger in the toaster it'll say Happy Birthday."




Buh
May 17, 2008



Jam Bab

Amarcarts
Feb 21, 2007

This looks a lot like suffering.


Only people from my church go to heaven

Lodin
Jul 31, 2003

by Fluffdaddy


My Little Jim Bob: Duggaring Is Magic

Mr Ice Cream Glove
Apr 22, 2007
"If you put a hamburger in the toaster it'll say Happy Birthday."




It has come to this, begging



quote:

According to a report, the Duggars lost their $45,000-per-episode paychecks along with endorsement deals, sponsorships, speaking engagements and royalties, which could amount to a “$25 million or more a year” loss in total.

http://okmagazine.com/photos/duggar-broke-money-19-kids-cancelled-lose-donate/photo/1001289578/

Edmund Sparkler
Jul 4, 2003

It's okay to watch child porn if you don't touch your dick, just raises awareness man.



Nothing you're taught in Sunday School holds up if you think about it for more than 5 seconds.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ufm2fJDk-0I

Geoj
May 28, 2008

BITTER POOR PERSON



:lol: by those estimates (6 years @ $25 million/year) they've squandered a $125 million fortune.

Maybe we'll get a followup "where are they now" episode in 5-10 years, with the entire family living in squalor after having to sell their compound and move into a couple of triple-wides at a trailer park while living on government assistance :allears:

Ultimate Mango
Jan 18, 2005



Geoj posted:

:lol: by those estimates (6 years @ $25 million/year) they've squandered a $125 million fortune.

Maybe we'll get a followup "where are they now" episode in 5-10 years, with the entire family living in squalor after having to sell their compound and move into a couple of triple-wides at a trailer park while living on government assistance :allears:

At least they can park the trailers at their used car lot.

Doesn't Jim Bob own a bunch of small businesses? The TV show money was just gravy.

VideoTapir
Oct 18, 2005

He'll tire eventually.


The funny thing is that the conversations in the Duggar household in the last couple months would have made the best television ever.

Krispy Wafer
Jul 26, 2002

I shouted out "Free the exposed 67"
But they stood on my hair and told me I was fat



Grimey Drawer

Geoj posted:

:lol: by those estimates (6 years @ $25 million/year) they've squandered a $125 million fortune.

Maybe we'll get a followup "where are they now" episode in 5-10 years, with the entire family living in squalor after having to sell their compound and move into a couple of triple-wides at a trailer park while living on government assistance :allears:

They've got money. It sounds like they're petitioning for church donations. The Duggars run their own ministry and I'm going to guess if you arranged the payroll in alphabetical order there'd be a fuckton of D names. They just don't want to get real jobs.

And hey, the kind of prayer that prays gay away doesn't come cheap.

Astrofig
Oct 26, 2009


Geoj posted:

:lol: by those estimates (6 years @ $25 million/year) they've squandered a $125 million fortune.

Maybe we'll get a followup "where are they now" episode in 5-10 years, with the entire family living in squalor after having to sell their compound and move into a couple of triple-wides at a trailer park while living on government assistance :allears:

Oh but they COULDN'T do that! Welfare is for *horrified whisper* the coloreds! *scarechord*

Casimir Radon
Aug 1, 2008




Ultimate Mango posted:

At least they can park the trailers at their used car lot.

Doesn't Jim Bob own a bunch of small businesses? The TV show money was just gravy.
They probably have a taste for the finer things now, and will probably end up living outside their means. This type of show is a great example of observer effect, it's not a real accurate portrayal of inbred dumbass life with 19 kids when TLC starts bankrolling everything.

Geoj
May 28, 2008

BITTER POOR PERSON


Krispy Kareem posted:

They've got money. It sounds like they're petitioning for church donations.

Begging for money online so you can make low-effort youtube videos doesn't come off as the actions of the financially stable.

Astrofig posted:

Oh but they COULDN'T do that! Welfare is for *horrified whisper* the coloreds! *scarechord*

You don't think that a family that hand-waved away literal child rape would have a problem twisting themselves into pretzels to justify why government assistance is OK in their specific case but wrong for everyone else?

Geoj fucked around with this message at 16:22 on Jul 30, 2015

I AM GRANDO
Aug 20, 2006



Don't forget that they believe god tasked them with going on television to witness to the masses. They think the show made them look good and that it helped them win converts.

Top City Homo
Oct 15, 2014




Ramrod XTreme

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Minimalist Program
Aug 13, 2010


Have not read last 125 pages of the thread but did anyone say: looks like those whores got Duggared?!

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