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  • Locked thread
Iglocska
Nov 23, 2015


CAPTAIN CAPSLOCK posted:

holy gently caress

Simpit for the stimpire!

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Berious
Nov 13, 2005


Daztek posted:

My brain short-circuited and I read that as Star Citizen Stimpire Pit

Glad I'm not the only one with Stimpire seared forever into my brain

Berious
Nov 13, 2005



I thought your edit was the read title and was wondering why such a realistic thread of poo poo that'll never happen was so upvoted and popular.

mr_jolly
Aug 20, 2003

Not so jolly now



Why has the first ship got cooling fans in the nose? Are they supposed to be for sucking in the vacuum of space and blowing it over hot parts to keep them cool? I don't even....

Tijuana Bibliophile
Dec 30, 2008



Scratchmo

mr_jolly posted:

Why has the first ship got cooling fans in the nose? Are they supposed to be for sucking in the vacuum of space and blowing it over hot parts to keep them cool? I don't even....

There's no need for fans in space dude lol. Those are obviously wind generators.

Banano
Jan 10, 2005


Soiled Meat

those are the propellers idiot

Agrajag
Jan 21, 2006

gat dang thats hot


Xaerael posted:

I'd love to be a fly on the wall when Hackberts sees Valkyrie footage for the first time. I'm predicting at least a dozen mid-high level walk outs on the spot when he asks for a notepad and pen.

haha ohh poo poo i want to be there when he holds a meeting with the dev team with a list of changes to be made to the current build or whatever they call it.

Agrajag
Jan 21, 2006

gat dang thats hot


Wrecked Angle posted:

D..did they make the window aperture bigger because mocked them?

Goons ruin everything..

Edit.
This is the one you need to look at.


most of the screen is still filled with cockpit deadspace

Natron
Aug 5, 2004



Dear Star Citizens: Prepare your anuses!


Goonrathi Manufacturing is proud to announce our first variant, the Goonrathi PaaaarpLancer!

Based on our highly successful griefer class chassis, the Rampaaaarp, the Goonrathi PaaaarpLancer is an even more devastating addition to your tear-harvesting arsenal. Outfitted with a Quad-Paaaarp Air Horn Thrust array, and a "Thumb-Head" Proboscis Penetrator Weapon, you'll be able to keep any landing pad full of debris and free of Citizen humour! As with the Rampaaaarp, simplicity is key. The cockpit features almost no gadgetry, and relies entirely on a Sopwith Camel-style ironsight as its only aiming apparatus. Just point your ironsights at whatever you want to die, engage your Bilateral Alignment Laser Lance System on your Penetrator, set the throttle to "Real Fast", and plow your way to carebear tears today!


Click Here to See the PaaaarpLancer in action yourself!

Vital Statistics
  • Number of pilots - 1
  • Length - 15.2m
  • Weight - 1/10th what it should be
  • Engine Type - Quad-Paaaarp Air Horn Array by Old Man Systems
  • Top Speed - 210m/s
  • Shields - None (Don't be a pansy)
  • Heads-Up Display Type - None (Sopwith Camel)
  • Weapon Hardpoints - 3
  • Hardpoint 1 - Front-Mounted "Thumb Head" Penetrator with BALLS Electric Shield Nullification
  • Hardpoint 2/3 - S.M.A.R.T. Laser Cannons by DSMart Holdings LTD.
  • LTI - None, stop asking.


For a limited time only, you can purchase a Goonrathi PaaaarpLancer for only $25 USD! Hurry, though, because supplies are limited, as I only have so much hard drive space to store all these incredible JPEGs, so right now I'm only selling 15,000 of these incredible machines to start with.

Buy now!



Click Here to screw around with the Rampaaaarp!


See you in the 'Verse! o7

Happy Sisyphus
Nov 13, 2013

You take the blue paarp - the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red paarp - you stay in pre-alpha, and I show you how deep the sperg wallet goes.






definitely happening

Loel
Jun 4, 2012

"For the Emperor."

There was a terrible noise.
There was a terrible silence.



EminusSleepus posted:

they are selling limited jpegs again but they did not announce it



Wait, am I just noticing this? 'Suggested' pledge? Could I pay a dollar for this thing?

Agrajag
Jan 21, 2006

gat dang thats hot


Natron posted:

Dear Star Citizens: Prepare your anuses!


Goonrathi Manufacturing is proud to announce our first variant, the Goonrathi PaaaarpLancer!

Based on our highly successful griefer class chassis, the Rampaaaarp, the Goonrathi PaaaarpLancer is an even more devastating addition to your tear-harvesting arsenal. Outfitted with a Quad-Paaaarp Air Horn Thrust array, and a "Thumb-Head" Proboscis Penetrator Weapon, you'll be able to keep any landing pad full of debris and free of Citizen humour! As with the Rampaaaarp, simplicity is key. The cockpit features almost no gadgetry, and relies entirely on a Sopwith Camel-style ironsight as its only aiming apparatus. Just point your ironsights at whatever you want to die, engage your Bilateral Alignment Laser Lance System on your Penetrator, set the throttle to "Real Fast", and plow your way to carebear tears today!


Click Here to See the PaaaarpLancer in action yourself!

Vital Statistics
  • Number of pilots - 1
  • Length - 15.2m
  • Weight - 1/10th what it should be
  • Engine Type - Quad-Paaaarp Air Horn Array by Old Man Systems
  • Top Speed - 210m/s
  • Shields - None (Don't be a pansy)
  • Heads-Up Display Type - None (Sopwith Camel)
  • Weapon Hardpoints - 3
  • Hardpoint 1 - Front-Mounted "Thumb Head" Penetrator with BALLS Electric Shield Nullification
  • Hardpoint 2/3 - S.M.A.R.T. Laser Cannons by DSMart Holdings LTD.
  • LTI - None, stop asking.


For a limited time only, you can purchase a Goonrathi PaaaarpLancer for only $25 USD! Hurry, though, because supplies are limited, as I only have so much hard drive space to store all these incredible JPEGs, so right now I'm only selling 15,000 of these incredible machines to start with.

Buy now!



Click Here to screw around with the Rampaaaarp!


See you in the 'Verse! o7

not buying this piece of trash with no toilet or cargo hold. do you take me for a fool?

Banano
Jan 10, 2005


Soiled Meat

has anyone compiled a definitive list of all the features this is supposed to have? is it even possible is what i'm really asking

Happy Sisyphus
Nov 13, 2013

You take the blue paarp - the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red paarp - you stay in pre-alpha, and I show you how deep the sperg wallet goes.



LowellDND posted:

Wait, am I just noticing this? 'Suggested' pledge? Could I pay a dollar for this thing?

No, they are just suggesting that you give them $150 (your other option is to not buy the ship)

Berious
Nov 13, 2005



All that fidelity and no game to put it in. They build a house wallpaper first.

Agrajag
Jan 21, 2006

gat dang thats hot


Berious posted:

All that fidelity and no game to put it in. They build a house wallpaper first.

pretty sure that's how all professionals do it. drywall first then you build the foundation under it. then you lay the brick down and build the frame within after. gaming is saved and evil publishers are no longer needed.

wiring and plumbing? we'll just tear down and rebuild the areas that they will go under.

Agrajag fucked around with this message at 19:28 on Jan 23, 2016

Tippis
Mar 21, 2008

It's yet another day in the wasteland.



Happy Sisyphus posted:



definitely happening

http://store.steampowered.com/app/274920/
So obviously SC will have it!

Natron
Aug 5, 2004



Agrajag posted:

not buying this piece of trash with no toilet or cargo hold. do you take me for a fool?

I'll throw in a virtual backpack*. You can either poo poo in it or keep stuff in it, I won't judge.


*Once the game comes out and I decide to make said backpack.

Agrajag
Jan 21, 2006

gat dang thats hot


Natron posted:

I'll throw in a virtual backpack*. You can either poo poo in it or keep stuff in it, I won't judge.


*Once the game comes out and I decide to make said backpack.

only if that backpack has an interface that lets me simulate a survival game during EVA's and planetary interactions/landings.

Nomenclature
Jul 20, 2006

You can outrun the IRS, but you can't outrun your sister's love.

LowellDND posted:

Wait, am I just noticing this? 'Suggested' pledge? Could I pay a dollar for this thing?
You can pledge $5 for a skin and become a backer. But then you still have to buy the game at full price, so they "suggest" you pledge more.

BeefThief
Aug 8, 2007





Talk all the poo poo you want, goons. My bathroom door is working now so I will NOT be seeing you in the 'Universe.

BeefThief
Aug 8, 2007





If they could somehow make the new in-game store a magazine where you can pay for new pages of ships you can buy that would make whacking my e-peen to jpegs a bit more immersive

Natron
Aug 5, 2004



Agrajag posted:

only if that backpack has an interface that lets me simulate a survival game during EVA's and planetary interactions/landings.

I'll put a Vita in one of the pockets so you can play an actual good game. I'm sure Star Citizen will have enough fidelity to allow your thumbs to control a Vita in space.

Toops
Nov 5, 2015

-find mood stabilizers
-also,


fuctifino posted:

I think CIG had better announce another sale


Ok here's a serious question. How the are they making even 75k a day? Let's do some math.

4 package type "groups"
base: $45
believer: $100 (avg)
whale: $500 (avg)
*sperg whale: $1000 (avg)

Assume 75,000 per day.

100% base
1667 Purchases Per Day (PPD)
608,455 Purchases Per Year (PPY)

50% base, 50% believer
1208 PPD
440,920 PPY

25% base, 65% believer, 10% whale
920 PPD
335,800 PPY

100% believer
750 PPD
273,750 PPY

10% base, 25% believer, 65% whale
453 PPD
165,345 PPY

100% whale
150 PPD
54,750 PPY

*100% sperg whale
75 PPD
27,375 PPY

Remember, this is 75k a day which is a dangerously low income level for CIG (2.25 M per month, not counting taxes, so more like 1.7M per month @~28% corp tax)

I'll let you guys draw your own conclusions, but any way I chop these numbers, I catch a real bad smell. I just don't see how any of these options are sustainable.

Feel free to share your read on this, or add your own calcs.

*Note:
I didn't even wanna loving consider a group of "purchasers" higher than $500 bucks average, so I quarantined them in their own "special", "state-issued helmet" trial.

Edit:
simple algebra to calculate distributions:
Avg price (P), Percent dist (Y)
(P) * X = (75,000) * (Y/100)

solve for X

Toops fucked around with this message at 19:52 on Jan 23, 2016

bumbles
Nov 26, 2015

by Lowtax


hellor shandi*














*ash Sean Connery would shay

lollontee
Nov 3, 2014
Probation
Can't post for 4 hours!


A Neurotic Jew posted:



its funny how this stuff gets distorted down the line.

Captain underpants is a goon. Infact, he's a director in goonrathi the star citizen goon guild

lollontee
Nov 3, 2014
Probation
Can't post for 4 hours!


I dont remember his username tho

A Neurotic Jew
Feb 17, 2012

by exmarx


he should post here imo.

sunaurus
Feb 13, 2012

Oh great, another bookah.


Happy Sisyphus posted:



definitely happening

This game is such a scam. What the gently caress.

peter gabriel
Nov 8, 2011

Hello Commandos


When I say windows are too small Chris roberts listens

Libluini
May 18, 2012

Did I predict the future?


Grimey Drawer

Toops posted:

Ok here's a serious question. How the are they making even 75k a day? Let's do some math.

4 package type "groups"
base: $45
believer: $100 (avg)
whale: $500 (avg)
*sperg whale: $1000 (avg)

Assume 75,000 per day.

100% base
1667 Purchases Per Day (PPD)
608,455 Purchases Per Year (PPY)

50% base, 50% believer
1208 PPD
440,920 PPY

25% base, 65% believer, 10% whale
920 PPD
335,800 PPY

100% believer
750 PPD
273,750 PPY

10% base, 25% believer, 65% whale
453 PPD
165,345 PPY

100% whale
150 PPD
54,750 PPY

*100% sperg whale
75 PPD
27,375 PPY

Remember, this is 75k a day which is a dangerously low income level for CIG (2.25 M per month, not counting taxes, so more like 1.7M per month @~28% corp tax)

I'll let you guys draw your own conclusions, but any way I chop these numbers, I catch a real bad smell. I just don't see how any of these options are sustainable.

Feel free to share your read on this, or add your own calcs.

*Note:
I didn't even wanna loving consider a group of "purchasers" higher than $500 bucks average, so I quarantined them in their own "special", "state-issued helmet" trial.

Edit:
simple algebra to calculate distributions:
Avg price (P), Percent dist (Y)
(P) * X = (75,000) * (Y/100)

solve for X

It's easy to make a lot of money if you're the only source people can ask for numbers. I make 10 million bitcoins a day, for example.

See how easy it is?

peter gabriel
Nov 8, 2011

Hello Commandos


Happy Sisyphus posted:



definitely happening

If they did this every character in game would have a slightly open mouthed 'how did I install Bonzi Byddy again?' look on their faces 24 / 7

Kakarot
Jul 20, 2013

by zen death robot


Buglord

Samizdata posted:

Speaking of which, here's her from an old Soundcloud profile (the skinny Ben post made me think of it.)



And now...



Don't you Citizenry fools see it! CIG KILLS, MAN, CIG KILLS!

And all to amuse your pointy little heads!

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

Lool only make fun of fat MEN. Doing it to gals gets you probed by white knight mods

Kakarot
Jul 20, 2013

by zen death robot


Buglord


Some are truly faithful to Christ Roberts

Mr.Tophat
Apr 7, 2007

You clearly don't understand joke development

Kakarot posted:

Lool only make fun of fat MEN. Doing it to gals gets you probed by white knight mods

Where do you stand on gamergate?

Chalks
Sep 30, 2009



Toops posted:

Ok here's a serious question. How the are they making even 75k a day? Let's do some math.

It really doesn't feel right to me either. Who are these people constantly buying things when there's no sale on and no media articles?

Banano
Jan 10, 2005


Soiled Meat

Natron posted:

I'll put a Vita in one of the pockets so you can play an actual good game. I'm sure Star Citizen will have enough fidelity to allow your thumbs to control a Vita in space.

your thumbs will be only be controlling the thumbs of your spaceman and it will be he who actually plays the vita

Chin
Dec 12, 2005

GET LOST 2013
-RALPH


Kakarot posted:

Lool only make fun of fat MEN. Doing it to gals gets you probed by white knight mods
Ben's a prominent face of the company and a terrible human being who professionally lies to desperate delusional people.

His wife is a "subscription manager" and not worthy of scorn.

Mr.Tophat
Apr 7, 2007

You clearly don't understand joke development

Has Ben's wife ever explained the duties of her position? Because I'd love to hear it.

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AP
Jul 12, 2004

One Ring to fool them all
One Ring to find them
One Ring to milk them all
and pockets fully line them


Grimey Drawer

Toops posted:

Ok here's a serious question. How the are they making even 75k a day? Let's do some math.

I really don't think the numbers are faked. There's no good real reason to do it, you can drill the numbers down to the hour, during slow times you can spot a single individual make a bad decision.

During sale periods you can get a feel for what's going to happen based on previous sales, again, down to the hour. You can spot bad sales coming like the space bus and see it reflected in the figures. You can look at one of the best recent sales like the LTI Vanguard and think, yeah I can see that doing well. The two bad sale months they had last Summer don't make any sense, if there was ever a reason to "adjust" the figures that was the time, possibly their worst period with FPS cancelled and several large names bailing and nothing to show, yet you can see it was bad exactly reflected in the figures.

The fact they are well above their normal 20k lowest period after 2.0 released + unmelts for money makes sense, for now. On top of that "adjusting" the figures for a period of years without loving it up in a complete obvious way would take a level of competence and effort from CIG that I've never seen.

Now just because I don't think there's any logical reason for them "adjusting" the sales figures and plenty of reasons why they wouldn't or couldn't, that doesn't mean I don't think there are other things going on. I don't think refunds & charge-backs are deducted from the sale total, I also don't believe subscriber income is included.

Thinking they fake the figures strikes me as just wishing people weren't idiots and would stop giving them money, human nature being what it is, people are idiots.

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