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ShitheadDeluxe
May 14, 2007


Nipponophile posted:

Now where did I leave off... Hmm... Oh, right... Let's Read Issue 35!!?




:master:

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Psion
Dec 13, 2002

:colbert::colbert:




Hah, well done.

Tiberius Thyben
Feb 7, 2013

Gone Phishing



But what happened to Billy? :ohdear:

Nipponophile
Apr 8, 2009


Now where did I leave off... Hmm... Oh, right... Let's Read Issue 35!!!



Something I just noticed while putting this update together: the cover for this issue was apparently drawn by the legendary John Byrne. During the '80s, Byrne had critically-acclaimed runs on X-Men, Fantastic Four, and Superman, among others. I don't know if it was an indication of the popularity of the G.I. Joe book at the time that led to such a popular artist doing a cover, but it sounds good to me.



Buzzer doesn't seem too scared of Zartan and wastes no time taking a seat.



He explains a bit about Zartan's fancy hologram projectors that allow him to change his appearance in addition to tricks like the bike.

But of course, it can't be a G.I. Joe comic without some G.I. Joes in it, so let's peek in on a few of our crew heading out west for some well-deserved leave.



As they stop for gas, we get the exchange that you guys were talking about a couple pages ago.



Eh, I don't think that's all that bad, considering. I've known far too many people in my life who have convinced themselves that their lovely life would completely turn around if only they could <X>, where <X> may be any of: join the army, get married, go to college, move overseas, etc. On the rare occasion that they do get their poo poo together enough to achieve said goal, it turns out they're still living the same lovely life in a different place. Having said that, my life would completely turn around if I got a new job. Please help me get a new job. TIA.



Sorry, this is the only mention of "current events" in this issue. It'll be a while before that tribunal convenes. Anyhow, Zartan's just pissed here because he noticed his bike was missing. Obviously, Cobra Commander will be of no help, and Major Bludd laughs in his face.

The Drednoks are tearing down the highway wreaking havoc, when by crazy coincidence they run across none other than...



Rock 'n Roll isn't just going to take that sitting down, so he races off in hot pursuit. When the road narrows to a tunnel, however, he is met with a fierce surprise.



It's a pretty serious wreck, but just where did that big rig come from?



The Drednoks drive off and leave the Joes trapped in the flaming wreckage.

Suddenly, elsewhere...



There's just something about that page out of context that makes me think it would fit in perfectly with one of the alt-sci-fi mags like 2000AD or Heavy Metal.

Our wacky Drednoks notice an Air Force base up ahead, and if there's one thing they like, it's grape soda. But if there's two things they like, it'd be smashing up airplanes. Ripper wants to smash through the fences, but Buzzer has a more subtle plan in mind.



Fortunately, medical help is able to get to the car crash in time to rescue our heroes. As they ride the ambulance, each one tries to reconcile the image of the ghostly 18-wheeler they saw, but perhaps it wasn't just a hallucination?



At the AFB, the Drednoks have exercised their typical lack of caution and made a couple of F-15s explode. As base security responds, they find others already on the scene.



Again, by the strangest of coincidences, the Joes' ambulance happens to cross paths with the security convoy.



Rock 'n Roll notices the license plate and catches on that something's not right. Commandeering the ambulance, he runs down the Drednoks. Since EMTs are tragically short on weaponry, he is forced to improvise as best he can with an oxygen bottle.



With Buzzer down and Zartan's bike trashed, the holographic camouflage fades, but before anyone else can react, a new player arrives on the scene.



Naturally, it was Zartan all along. But who was that sweet old lady?



What??? A ninja master? Don't be ridiculous! I don't see what place ninjas have in this very serious comic book about America's premier counter-terrorist fighting unit.

NEXT TIME: No ninjas! I mean it!

MrTuffPaws
Feb 7, 2005



Was the ninja craze of the 80s just an offshoot of them kicking our rear end economically?

Nebakenezzer
Sep 13, 2005

The Mote in God's Eye



The real kicker is that it must have been that other ninja, since Snake Eyes doesn't talk.

Nipponophile
Apr 8, 2009


I just found out today that Larry Hama and Michael Golden will both be guests at the Mississippi Comic Con next month, just a few hours away. Right now, I am in the process of trying to convince myself that it is not worth the six hour round trip, convention tickets, and hotel costs just to get a couple comic books autographed.

The much closer and more convenient Louisiana Comic Con has poo poo for guests lined up.

We'll hit issue 36 sometime this weekend.

Nipponophile
Apr 8, 2009


Did I say "this weekend"? Actually, I meant "I'M A loving LIAR!!!"

Let's read issue #36!





The G.I. Joes are on an important mission in the Gulf of Mexico, but their stalwart efforts in the defense of democracy are rewarded only by a salvo of missiles from Cobra air superiority.



The W.H.A.L.E. hovercraft gets word of the attack on the G.I. Jane, but they've got their hands full at the moment.



Pretty tense stuff, but let's ignore all that now and move far to the north where a certain lady Joe is passing time with a certain IDENTITY CLASSIFIED.



Certainly an idyllic setting... if it weren't for the fact that the COBRA elite were onboard...



Back in the Gulf, the Whale outmaneuvers the Cobra artillery positions, but to what avail?



Meanwhile, near Staten Island, the mysterious blond fellow (almost certainly not a ninja) seems to be handling up on the Cobra party crashers.



With teamwork like that, I hope Cobra at least drills in the basics of firearm handling.



Oh... :(

After taking a missile hit to the G.I. Jane, Deep-Six seems to be on a mission while Doc and Tripwire make every effort to defend themselves.



Scarlett isn't giving up, and the mysterious blond soldier certainly seems vested in giving a go at things.



But what was Deep-Six trying to uncrate? An anti-aircraft missile battery? What possible use could that have right now? ... Oh ... Oooooohhhh...



The WHALE is still struggling against Cobra forces, both at land and at sea...



But who has time to worry about that when serious things are happening aboard the Staten Island ferry?



Doc and Tripwire rush to repair the Gatling, but the targeting circuits are shorted out. Doc's going to have to manually aim the cannons while Tripwire shorts the firing circuit... assuming he can find it in time!

Naval maneuvers pay off for the Joes when the Whale catches Cobra by surprise.



With one threat thusly resolved, we return to New York, where another dangling plot thread is put to rest forever, never to be revisited.



Yep, that's certainly the last we'll see of Fred II. Don't expect him to ever show up again ever...



But what's with this oddly positive vibe from Cobra? Did they have a mission go right for once?

We'll have to answer that question later, because the Whale returns to find only a floating oil slick where the G.I. Jane was supposed to be...



NEXT TIME: because you demanded it... the return of Bongo the Balloon Bear!!!

Psion
Dec 13, 2002

:colbert::colbert:




Did we demand it, though? Did we really?

stealie72
Jan 10, 2007

Their eyes locked and suddenly there was the sound of breaking glass.


Psion posted:

Did we demand it, though? Did we really?

Yeah, Yeah we did. The Bongo story line is awesomely weird.

MrTuffPaws
Feb 7, 2005



That carrier in the last panel, they made a toy of it. It was a way to ID every rich spoiled kid in the US.

priznat
Jul 7, 2009

Let's get drunk and kiss each other all night.

MrTuffPaws posted:

That carrier in the last panel, they made a toy of it. It was a way to ID every rich spoiled kid in the US.

Yup, the USS Flagg. A school chum had one and it was pretty rad.

I had the hovercraft and hydrofoil though so I can't complain.

e: lol

priznat fucked around with this message at 04:03 on Aug 27, 2016

Psion
Dec 13, 2002

:colbert::colbert:




MrTuffPaws posted:

That carrier in the last panel, they made a toy of it. It was a way to ID every rich spoiled kid in the US.

man, was it ever

but it was cool as hell when that kid was your friend

ShitheadDeluxe
May 14, 2007


priznat posted:

Yup, the USS Flagg. A school chum had one and it was pretty rad.

I had the hovercraft and hydrofoil though so I can't complain.

e: lol



Oh man, the memories. I never had the Flagg aircraft carrier but my folks and a older kid in the neighborhood who was learning woodworking made a drat nice mockup out of boxwood, wall panelling, and some plywood.

Nebakenezzer
Sep 13, 2005

The Mote in God's Eye



Given the color of Fred II's left hand in the final panels I'm hoping he's some sort of Joe human-gorilla hybrid.

RFC2324
Jun 7, 2012

http 418



Nebakenezzer posted:

Given the color of Fred II's left hand in the final panels I'm hoping he's some sort of Joe human-gorilla hybrid.

GI Joe even predicted Harambe!

Also, just read all of this, and need more like I need more crack. This is a great LR

IPCRESS
May 27, 2012


priznat posted:

Yup, the USS Flagg. A school chum had one and it was pretty rad.

I had the hovercraft and hydrofoil though so I can't complain.

e: lol



Room for 1-3 aircraft? Make the plane also set fire to the carrier every time it takes off and the USMC would buy 10.

Domini Cane
Oct 21, 2002

You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day. You will only observe with your eyes and see the punishment of the wicked.

Nipponophile
Apr 8, 2009


I can't tell you how much I hate it when people abandon Let's Play/Let's Read projects.

LET'S READ ISSUE #37!!!





Siegfried (or is it Roy) explains that Y.E.C.H. is an acronym and points them in the right direction, but disaster strikes! The van's side door spills open and Bongo's balloons begin to bolt. Only through some quick thinking and quicker trampoline work by Rip-Cord are the balloons secured. Riveting stuff.

Bongo steps out of her van to explain to these acrobats why she's got a handful of military dudes in uniform helping her wrangle balloons. Something to do with them jacking her van to chase terrorists last issue.



In a nearby tent, a mysteeeerious fellow wearing a Cobra logo tells his brother that the "balloon girl" has led the Joes right to them just as planned, but there is no one else nearby... SpooOOoooky...

Meanwhile, back at the G.I. Joe testing ground, Roadblock and Lady J command captured Cobra tanks in order to give the new G.I. Joe minitank a trial by fire. Naturally, the "Armadillo" passes with flying colors, and we meet its driver, a new transfer to the G.I. Joe unit. (GET THE NEW "ARMADILLO", ON SALE NOW AT YOUR LOCAL T.G.&Y.!)



Flint drops a line on Lady J, but walks right off when she snaps back at him. Lady J seems to think that he doesn't have much of a backbone, but Roadblock assures her that he's far different in a real fight... "he gets mean..."



Spooky Cobra guy resumes spooky communication with his identical twin, and they hatch a plot to capture the Joes without any assistance from HQ. Unaware that they are being targeted, the Joe party splits up to enjoy the fair, with Blowtorch and Gung-Ho boarding the roller coaster as Rip-Cord takes Bongo into the House of Mirrors.



There's a brief interlude as another new Joe by the name of Footloose arrives at the Chaplain's Assistants' Motor Pool and checks in with Wild Bill. Bill ropes him into riding shotgun as he makes a pickup which coincidentally takes him past a particular fun fair.

Back at the House of Mirrors, Rip-Cord's elite survival training kicks in as he notices dozens of identically-dressed men moving to surround him.



Unawares, the pair on the roller coaster are heading towards an ambush of their own.



Flint hops off to take on the assassin hand-to-hand, while Footloose sets down in the Armadillo to provide supporting fire. Rip-Cord and Bongo flee into the big top, but realize that they may have only narrowed their potential escape routes. One of the twins confronts them, only to double over in pain as Flint secures a chokehold on his brother on the coaster. Tomax speeds off to help his twin, leaving Rip-Cord to face down a squad of Crimson Guardsmen.



While Rip-Cord grabs Bongo and takes to the rafters, Footloose finds himself facing down Tomax.



Tomax chickens out first by turning into a tent. When Footloose follows, he loses his quarry but provides a much needed distraction, allowing Rip-Cord and Bongo to make a break for it.





While the Joes regroup, the CGs appear to have pulled out. The troops on the ground are frustrated, but Wild Bill is still overhead and has picked up a fleeing target.



Though he makes a clean shot, Tomax and Xamot manage to duck inside a sewage tunnel at the last second. Bad guys and their escapes, amirite?





Next issue: poo poo KICKS OFF. Filler issues are done, and we're back to the serious plot. We return to Springfield as the Cobra elite hold an inquest into the recent activities of one Billy and a squad of Joes is sent to Central America to find someone we haven't seen since all the way back in issue #1.

Oh, and since I always end these posts with an update schedule that I literally never meet, I'll say for this one that I plan to cover up through issue #50 by the end of the year.
Hahahaha, there's no way I'm doing that. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

stealie72
Jan 10, 2007

Their eyes locked and suddenly there was the sound of breaking glass.


It's a nice early Christmas present to have another issue up!

RFC2324
Jun 7, 2012

http 418



YAY! An update!

And I had just seen part of one of the live action GI Joe movies on TV that reminded me of this thread.

Nipponophile
Apr 8, 2009


It's a Christmas miracle! Let's Read Issue #38!!!





Cobra Commander seems eager to prove his detachment from the matter at hand, but Destro seems just as eager to get to the bottom of things. He argues that Billy must have had inside help to infiltrate the ceremony and acquire the .357 with mercury-tipped explosive bullets that he was caught with. Major Bludd and the Baroness, the true conspirators, can only watch and squirm.

Back at Ft. Wadsworth, Rip-Cord whines about his career interfering with his ability to get with balloon girls in bear suits, but his self-pity is interrupted by Stalker, who calls him in for a mission briefing.



Remember her? You can go back and read issue #1. I'll wait.

...

...

Back yet? OK.



I'm not gonna wait for you to go back and read issue #10 though. We have to keep this thing moving.

The Baroness protests the use of the brain-wave scanner, ostensibly out of concern for Billy, but Cobra Commander overrules and moves the inquest to the late Dr. Venom's lab.

As the Joes make their drop into Sierra Gordo, Rip-Cord voices his concerns, but Stalker is quick to shut him down.



As the scanner picks through Billy's mind, he struggles against its probes. Like Snake-Eyes before him, Billy dredges up painful memories to disrupt the scan.





People are always so eager to put leaders who "tell it like it is" into power, aren't they?

Cobra Commander, visibly shaken, stops the playback, citing the "irrelevance" of the material and a concern for classified Cobra secrets. Billy is sent back to his cell until a new method of interrogation is decided. Storm Shadow is impressed with Billy's tenacity, especially considering that his co-conspirators have completely left him hanging.

Duke and a handful of Joes mount up and roll out of the Pit, yet strangely avoid the base's front gate. Good thing, too, since Fred has a close watch on the gates. (Y'all do remember Fred, right?)

Stalker's team hits the dirt and proceeds stealthily through the jungle. Well, maybe not that stealthily...



Back in Springfield, Billy's jailers show little sympathy for the boy.





Cover Girl explains that the mission is a raid on a suspected undercover Cobra agent, specifically the one responsible for the circus ambush last issue.

Meanwhile, in Sierra Gordo, Stalker engages in a dick-waving contest with the mysterious new stranger, only to discover that he had not accounted for all the dicks involved.



One quick ninja murder spree later, Storm Shadow has freed Billy from his cell.



The quiet suburbs around Ft. Wadsworth suddenly become a lot less quiet as the Joe team surrounds their target house and prepare a forced entry.



Back in the jungle, the jauntily hatted stranger introduces himself as a member of the G.I. Joe team and advance scout for the rescue mission.





Not only can he out-race a bullet, but he can do it while dragging a kid along. This is one ninja you do NOT want to gently caress with.

As the team out front exchanges fire with Cobra house, Mutt and Snake-Eyes breach the back door. When they draw the enemies' attention, Junkyard proves himself to be a very good boy indeed.



Stalker's team, led by their Tupari guides, gets their first look at the bunker where Dr. Burkhart is being held.



Recondo proposes a strategy that's just crazy enough to work. Since Cobra's defenses all point away from the mountainside, all they need to do to bypass them is scale down the sheer mountain cliff!

Storm Shadow sneaks Billy through the Springfield sewers and directs him to get to safety in the next town. Billy protests, as he wants to stay and fight.



Ninjas are nothing if not logical.

With the additional pressure from both sides, the suburban firefight is tipped in the Joes' favor, and the Cobra agents also opt to fight another day.



With their ride wrecked and unable to pursue, the Joes instead search the house and find all manner of Cobra equipment and uniforms. As they're cataloging their findings, a very familiar van races up to the curb.



Next issue: The battle for Dr. Burkhart and more ninja poo poo!!!

Hahaha, but seriously, there's no way I'm going to get through issue #50 by the end of the year. Haha, get real.

Somebody Awful
Nov 27, 2011

BORN TO DIE
HAIG IS A FUCK
Kill Em All 1917
I am trench man
410,757,864,530 SHELLS FIRED




I like Destro's taste in guns.

Nipponophile
Apr 8, 2009


It's a Christmas mira- wait, poo poo, I used that one already...

Let's Read Issue #39!!!





Initial infiltration proceeds smoothly while the three Tucaros maintain watch from the clifftop.



At least until a guard sergeant shows up with coffee...



America's most elite counterterrorist unit does not gently caress around when it comes to noise discipline.

Recondo swaps into the sergeant's uniform and slips downstairs to take a look around.



Before the interrogation can proceed, Recondo makes quick work of the guards. The rest of the team joins him as they try to figure out how they're going to make it out alive.



The mental chess game continues as they make their way down to the street.



Stalker decides to go with the daring plan of "wait until shift change and then walk right out like we belong here". The sloppy local troops don't notice anything amiss, but a couple of Soviet "advisors" are a bit more perceptive.



Dimitri and Gregor draw a bead on the Joes with their Dragunovs, but Recondo's Indian friends lay down suppressing fire from the clifftop.



They are rewarded for their assistance by several rounds of 7.62 in the face. Before the Russians can turn their guns back downward, Gung-Ho takes out the legs of their watchtower and sends it crashing as the Joes escape to the treeline.

Meanwhile in Springfield, Destro has no good news for Cobra Commander. Billy and Storm Shadow are nowhere to be found.



I don't think "Crimson Guardsman With The Special Knowledge" ever got an action figure. Probably couldn't fit all that on a file card.



Stalker's team runs into a river which they'll need to bridge in order to get Dr. Burkhart across. Recondo muses that if one of his Tupari friends were alive, he would be making an offering to the river spirits to ensure safe passage for the souls of the others.



Rip-Cord swims the gap with a lead wire in order to get their bridge started.





Meanwhile, in what I can only assume is a typical everyday occurrence in 80's New York City...



So ninjas are basically Jedi.

As the Joes finish crossing the rope bridge, Recondo emerges from the bush, and he seems to be carrying something...



Back at the Pit, Duke and Lady J are giving Rip-cord's crush Candy the third degree. She claims total ignorance when confronted with all the Cobra material that was stashed in her father's house.



After hitching a bus towards the local airport, the whole situation starts to catch up with Dr. Burkhart.



Just in case the first time was too subtle for you.

Upon arrival at the airport, the Joes are surprised to see some familiar faces.



Next issue: Gulf War! Um, but Mexico, not Persian...

Nebakenezzer
Sep 13, 2005

The Mote in God's Eye



I love that this thread is back, nice job mr. Nipponophile.

I also love that Cobra actually started as Amway turned fascist, and it took over a small American town and here we are

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Nipponophile
Apr 8, 2009


Can't stop, won't stop, Let's Read Issue #40!!!





You know, even though it was the Mississippi River, I'm pretty sure the 1980s is way too late to be using paddle-wheelers to transport cargo.

Anyhow, Roadblock has no idea how to handle this thing, but fortunately there's a sailor around to set him straight.



Meanwhile, Cobra Commander is observing the operation via periscope aboard a nearby submarine. He seems oddly smug about the whole situation.



The Joes spend a while securing their seabase to the legs of an old offshore drilling platform, while back at the Pit, Duke is still busy interrogating Bongo the Balloon Bear. Oh, also Buzzer the Drednok is there. He got captured a few issues back.



Obviously a pre-Patriot Act America.



The Cobra sub surfaces inside the sunken freighter, revealing a secret Cobra seabase.

Meanwhile, aboard the Joes' new seabase, Shipwreck isn't ready to take a break yet.



Oh, and also Barbecue is there.

A prisoner transport leaves Ft. Wadsworth with both Buzzer and Bongo the Balloon Bear onboard, and Buzzer quickly takes advantage of the rise he gets out of needling Candy.



Back on the Gulf floor, the important Crimson Guardsman completes his evil scheme.



He isn't worried about his daughter at all because she knows nothing of his true mission. A mission which goes into effect as he flips a switch and a sinister beam begins to broadcast into the Gulf. Miles away, the Joe team notices dead fish floating to the surface, and their specialists rapidly conclude that the beam transmission is killing all aquatic life in the Gulf of Mexico. A team heads out on the WHALE to pinpoint the source.

And what of those cargo crates? Turns out they contained Cobra hydrofoils, which immediately proceed to give the newly-established G.I. Joe seabase a hard time.



Deep-Six launches to investigate the source of the transmission, while Cobra high command remains oddly cheerful about all this.



The hydrofoil attack causes explosions and fires to erupt all over the Joe seabase. Good thing they just happened to have a new fireman along, huh?

Deep-Six in the SHARC and Cutter in the WHALE launch a coordinated attack of torpedoes and depth charges, but fail to make a dent in the reinforced bunker.



Cobra's hydrofoil attackers have knock out the weapons platforms on the Joe seabase, and they now circle it arrogantly.



Things look pretty serious back on the Flagg...



Scrambling for any alternative to dropping a nuke in the Gulf of Mexico, Doc of all people comes up with a clever plan.



The hydrofoils are driven off after fierce boarding actions, and the entire G.I. Joe air wing is mobilized for a massive bombing strike.



The Cobra bunker is destroyed, and the fish-killing signal silenced, but there seem to be unforeseen consequences resulting from the detonation of hundreds of tons of ordnance on the ocean floor.



Next issue: the astonishing answer

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