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Sitting Here
Dec 31, 2007

by Fluffdaddy


sebmojo posted:

In, flash, and I challenge grizpat to take my flash rule too I will crush u



medicine. For every disease is akin to the living being and has an appointed term, just as life has, which depends on the form of the triangles, and cannot be protracted when they are worn out. And he who, instead of accepting his destiny, endeavours to prolong his life by medicine, is likely to multiply and magnify his diseases. Regimen and not medicine is the true cure, when a man has time at his disposal.

Enough of the nature of man and of the body, and of training and education. The subject is a great one and cannot be adequately treated as an appendage to another. To sum up all in a word: there are three kinds of soul located within us, and any one of them, if remaining inactive, becomes very weak; if exercised, very strong. Wherefore we should duly train and


DurianGray posted:

In, I'll take a flash.

that she is the star of this great universe, and a more virtuous woman never lived since the wheels of time began. Oh, had you waited till tomorrow, or until I had returned, some kind window would have been opened to her relief. But, alas! she is gone--yes, forever gone, to try the realities of an unknown world!

(Farcillo leaning over the body of Amelia.)

F. Malos not dead, and here is my ring! Oh, Amelia! falsely murdered! Oh, bloody deed! Oh, wretch that I am! Oh, angels forgive me! Oh, God, withhold thy vengeance! Oh, Amelia! if Heaven would make a thousand worlds like this, set with diamonds, and all of one perfect chrysolite, I would not have done this for them all, I would not have frowned

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sebmojo
Oct 23, 2010


Legit Cyberpunk


come on you dam dirty apes do you want to live forever

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006

KING OF BLOOD

Upon what meat doth this
our Caesar feed that he is grown so great?


sebmojo posted:

come on you dam dirty apes do you want to live forever

In.

Jonked
Feb 15, 2005

by exmarx


I'm in. Give me TWO flash rules.

Sitting Here
Dec 31, 2007

by Fluffdaddy


BTW, and I added this to the prompt post, but you can be as loose as you want with the concept of a "dragon". You can also be literal too, i literally give no fucks

curlingiron
Dec 15, 2006

Adventure Awaits!


sebmojo posted:

In, flash,

same

Armack
Jan 27, 2006


In. Flashrule me.

3.141592653
Mar 6, 2016


Mooooooooooooooooooooooooooom.....
I'm being peer pressured by Seb and Ghosty again...

They want me to be In with a Flash rule.
Else I'll get strung up by my toes, Mom. It's a real thing, you know. That people do...When, you know.

skwidmonster
Mar 31, 2015

THUNDERDOME LOSER


In with a for being too terrible to post last week. Bring on your best flash rule, nerd.

Sitting Here
Dec 31, 2007

by Fluffdaddy



night was bitter cold, and the gas-lamps round the square flared and flickered in the keen wind; but his hands were hot with fever, and his forehead burned like fire. On and on he went, almost with the gait of a drunken man. A policeman looked curiously at him as he passed, and a beggar, who slouched from an archway to ask for alms, grew frightened, seeing misery greater than his own. Once he stopped under a lamp, and looked at his hands. He thought he could detect the stain of blood already upon them, and a faint cry broke from his trembling lips.

Murder! that is what the cheiromantist had seen there. Murder! The very night seemed to know it, and the desolate wind to howl it


Jitzu_the_Monk posted:

In. Flashrule me.

Nor your ingenious recreance to think We cherish, in the life that is to come, The scattered features of dead friends again.

II

Never until our souls are strong enough To plunge into the crater of the Scheme -- Triumphant in the flash there to redeem Love's handsel and forevermore to slough, Like cerements at a played-out masque, the rough And reptile skins of us whereon we set The stigma of scared years -- are we to get


3.141592653 posted:

In with a Flash rule.

you, Lord Oro?"

He grew angry and answered:

"Ask no more questions, blind and ignorant as you are. It is your part not to examine, but to obey. Sleep now," and again he waved his hand over me.

In an instant, as it seemed, we were standing in a grey old town that I judged from its appearance must be either in northern France or Belgium. It was much shattered by bombardment; the church, for instance, was a ruin; also many of the houses had been burnt. Now, however, no firing was going on for the town had been taken. The streets were full of armed men wearing the German



skwidmonster posted:

In with a for being too terrible to post last week. Bring on your best flash rule, nerd.

asking his permission. What would father say when he found out? For he was bound to find out sooner or later. He always did. "Buried. You two girls had me buried!" She heard his stick thumping. Oh, what would they say? What possible excuse could they make? It sounded such an appallingly heartless thing to do. Such a wicked advantage to take of a person because he happened to be helpless at the moment. The other people seemed to treat it all as a matter of course. They were strangers; they couldn't be expected to understand that father was the very last person for such a thing to happen to. No, the entire blame for it all would fall on her and Constantia. And the expense, she thought, stepping into the tight-buttoned cab. When she had to show him the bills. What would he say then?

newtestleper
Oct 30, 2003

by Nyc_Tattoo


in

Sitting Here
Dec 31, 2007

by Fluffdaddy


Jonked posted:

I'm in. Give me TWO flash rules.

come--along about sundown. He said Jubiter pestered him and aggravated him till he was so mad he just sort of lost his mind and grabbed up a stick and hit him over the head with all his might, and Jubiter dropped in his tracks. Then he was scared and sorry, and got down on his knees and lifted his head up, and begged him to speak and say he wasn't dead; and before long he come to, and when he see who it was holding his head, he jumped like he was 'most scared to death, and cleared the fence and tore into the woods, and was gone. So he hoped he wasn't hurt bad.

and

the importunities, the indelicacies, of which my desire to possess myself of Jeffrey Aspern's papers had rendered me capable I need not shrink from confessing this last indiscretion. I think it was the worst thing I did; yet there were extenuating circumstances. I was deeply though doubtless not disinterestedly anxious for more news of the old lady, and Miss Tita had accepted from me, as it were, a rendezvous which it might have been a point of honor with me to keep. It may be said that her leaving the place dark was a positive sign that she released me, and to this I can only reply that I desired not to be released.

The door of Miss Bordereau's room was open and I could see beyond it the

kurona_bright
Mar 21, 2013

Did you FAIL THUDERDONE Kunona?

In.

Djeser
Mar 22, 2013


Sitting Here posted:

this is the only part of your post i can see, sorry

is wishful thinking the same as magical realism

Carl Killer Miller
Apr 28, 2007

This is the way that it all falls.
This is how I feel,
This is what I need:


In

Thranguy
Apr 21, 2010


writers should not be afraid of thunderdome
THUNDERDOME SHOULD BE AFRAID OF WRITERS


In and flash rule me.

Sitting Here
Dec 31, 2007

by Fluffdaddy


Thranguy posted:

In and flash rule me.

Maranas truly virtuous, she ought to have been habituated, little by little, to the world, or else to have been wholly withdrawn from it.

"The day, to-morrow, will seem very long to me," she said, receiving his kisses on her forehead. "But stay in the salon, and speak loud, that I may hear your voice; it fills my soul."

Montefiore, clever enough to imagine the girl's life, was all the more satisfied with himself for restraining his desires because he saw that it would lead to his greater contentment. He returned to his room without accident.

Ten days went by without any event occurring to trouble the peace and solitude of the house. Montefiore employed his Italian cajolery on old



Djeser posted:

is wishful thinking the same as magical realism

I'll bring the magic if u supply the realism bb

Fuschia tude
Dec 26, 2004

THUNDERDOME LOSER 2019



in and flash

crabrock
Aug 2, 2002


Maugrim posted:

I think I broke it crabs. I added one crit for one of my stories and now I can't add a second for the same story.

We apologise for the fault in the
archive. Those responsible have been
sacked.

Maugrim posted:

While you're at it please could you add a way to fix it when you gently caress up and attribute a crit to the wrong person? Asking for a friend.

We apologise again for the fault in the
archive. Those responsible for sacking
the people who have just been sacked,
have been sacked.

(these have been fixed)

curlingiron
Dec 15, 2006

Adventure Awaits!


can this be like Wizard Week pt 2 except instead of 5 judges it's just sh reading 80 goon attempts at magical realism by herself and crying into her box wine

flerp
Feb 25, 2014

I DON'T ALWAYS
HERDY DUR MUR FLERP FLERPITY
FLOOPIN
BUT WHEN I DO
I YER DER FLERPITY
THURN DER DERMIN
BORK! BORK! BORK!


curlingiron posted:

can this be like Wizard Week pt 2 except instead of 5 judges it's just sh reading 80 goon attempts at magical realism by herself and crying into her box wine

only if u help by going in

curlingiron
Dec 15, 2006

Adventure Awaits!


flerp posted:

only if u help by going in

way to read the thread, plebe

Sitting Here
Dec 31, 2007

by Fluffdaddy


Fuschia tude posted:

in and flash

she has tamed and calls a wolf, and came making that pitiful noise again, and shedding that water out of the places she looks with. I was obliged to return with her, but will presently emigrate again, when occasion offers. She engages herself in many foolish things: among others, trying to study out why the animals called lions and tigers live on grass and flowers, when, as she says, the sort of teeth they wear would indicate that they were intended to eat each other. This is foolish, because to do that would be to kill each other, and that would introduce what, as I understand it, is called "death;" and death, as I have been told, has not yet entered the Park. Which is a pity, on some accounts.

flerp
Feb 25, 2014

I DON'T ALWAYS
HERDY DUR MUR FLERP FLERPITY
FLOOPIN
BUT WHEN I DO
I YER DER FLERPITY
THURN DER DERMIN
BORK! BORK! BORK!


curlingiron posted:

way to read the thread, plebe

i dont read

anyways the you was to everyone reading my post so its engaging (but you wouldnt understand engaging)

3.141592653
Mar 6, 2016


God, Flerp, no one cares unless it's a crit or in, or anything useful, jeeeeez.

flerp
Feb 25, 2014

I DON'T ALWAYS
HERDY DUR MUR FLERP FLERPITY
FLOOPIN
BUT WHEN I DO
I YER DER FLERPITY
THURN DER DERMIN
BORK! BORK! BORK!


3.141592653 posted:

God, Flerp, no one cares unless it's a crit or in, or anything useful, jeeeeez.

sebmojo
Oct 23, 2010


Legit Cyberpunk


3.141592653 posted:

God, Flerp, no one cares unless it's a crit or in, or anything useful, jeeeeez.

3.141592653
Mar 6, 2016


Is this poo poo talk lesson 10 1?

flerp
Feb 25, 2014

I DON'T ALWAYS
HERDY DUR MUR FLERP FLERPITY
FLOOPIN
BUT WHEN I DO
I YER DER FLERPITY
THURN DER DERMIN
BORK! BORK! BORK!


3.141592653 posted:

Is this poo poo talk lesson 10 1?

if it is its p. lovely

sebmojo
Oct 23, 2010


Legit Cyberpunk


3.141592653 posted:

Is this poo poo talk lesson 10 1?

Chairchucker
Nov 14, 2006

The man was stunningly well dressed. He had a smart looking jacket, and a really neat looking cape, the lining of which was shimmering and sparkling in more than Oriental splendour, which is a great deal of splendour indeed, just ask Kipling.

All of youre're posts are bad

Also in

Entenzahn
Nov 15, 2012

What will you say when
your child asks:
why did you fail Thunderdome?


In. Flash.

Sitting Here
Dec 31, 2007

by Fluffdaddy


Entenzahn posted:

In. Flash.

of their own number, and above all they felt that doom was upon themselves. What wonder that they were not merry? Indeed no funeral feast could have been more sad, for flowers and wine and fair women do not make pleasure, and after all it was a funeral feast--for me.

At length it came to an end and I fled to my own apartments, whither my three wives followed me, for Otomie did not come, calling me most happy and blessed who to-morrow should be with myself, that is with my own godhead, in heaven. But I did not call them blessed, for, rising in wrath, I drove them away, saying that I had but one comfort left, and it was that wherever I might go I

Sitting Here
Dec 31, 2007

by Fluffdaddy


Tyrannosaurus posted:

I wasn't a judge so these aren't real crits. They're just

When I got bored:

If Thatís What It Takes
Opening paragraph.

Pre-dawn
ďAnother woman elbowed him in the ribs.Ē Seemed like it might have been a cool setting but idk

Foreign Flower
Cool. Read the whole thing.

Ainít No Girl Like Me
Also cool. Read the whole thing.

The Beat Thatís in Every Blast
Read the whole thing because the setting was interesting and I kept expecting it to get better but it didnít.

Ash Knowledge
ďDoting grandfathers can.Ē Why tell a story within in a story in a short story competition? I donít know. It could be done well, I guess. It wasnít here.

Men Over Mission
Read the whole thing. Nice setting.

Miracle
ďWalled city.Ē Lots of ash. Got it. Spooky. it wasn't spooky

The Free Radical
ďNever had Dominic felt so useless.Ē It all started to blur here and I didnít care so I stopped reading.

Mother in the Radio
ďPhil listens to him because itís his son.Ē Present tense felt wrong and I didnít like it

Titanomachy
ďTo want to, but not be able to.Ē The casual flippance of the overly brutal childhood did little for my pallet. Nice opening though.

Arc
I got to Rebirth before I was like ďwtf am I reading here?Ē No idea.

Messiah en Route
Cool voice. Cool visuals with the traffic. Read the whole thing.

The Cicada, Grief
Wow. Fun read. Got through it all. Great job, whoever you are. I can totally see all the nuances you put into this.

Sightless Eyes
ďIts newfound existence.Ē I realized that sentence was never gonna end and I was gonna have to start back from the beginning to figure out what was going on and I didnít want to.

but not me in
Read the whole thing. This didnít do it for me. The composition feltÖ clumsy? I was left with a ďwhat the gently caressĒ but not the kind you were going for.

Temptations
Read the whole thing

thx for the comments, trex

sparksbloom
Apr 30, 2006


R.E.M. Week Crits, Part 1

If Thatís What It Takes

Hey, itís a noir version of The Last Five Years! I really like the way that youíve matched the tone of one of R.E.M.ís creepiest songs here with your pretty creepy piece. The voice is really strong in this one, and the unhinged ranting works thanks to your very solid prose. My main issue here is how mundane the writing-about-writing comes off. Your sections about Alexís stories in creative writing class donít feel very important to the story, and youíve summarized so much here that these anecdotes feel like vague abstractions. A line or two of remembered dialogue from these heated conversations would have packed more of a punch. And I wish youíd zoomed in on details from Alex accusing the narrator of sabotaging his career: thatís dramatically potent stuff that would make the violent climax feel a little more earned.

The ďwhoís to blameĒ and the other references to the title feel a little shoehorned in, too. Iím not going to dock you for that, but youíve got such a good tonal match here that it feels a little bit like youíre overcompensating.

Pre-dawn

This feels a lot like a first chapter, and I think itíd work well as that: you introduce character and conflicts well, but unfortunately thatís all youíve really given us, an introduction. You throw so many proper nouns at me that I feel like Iím struggling to keep everything balanced in my head, and that amount of clutter really diminishes the impact of the story youíre trying to tell. Youíve hinted at some factional strife, and I thought that the narrator would end up involved in the riot at the end. But it turns out that the protagonist doesnít really have anything to do Ė people talk at them, but they donít have any real agency in this story, which means thereís nothing to get invested in here.

I donít think this is terrible, though. The dialogueís inconsistent because the characters arenít doing anything interesting for the first half of the story, but thereís definitely some verve to it, and you seem to have a real affection for your characters. Youíre just trying to do a little too much with the world building aspects and not enough with a self-contained story.

Foreign Flower

I found this frustrating, because Iím really into what youíre trying to do here in conveying Sophiaís isolation, but I also found this story incredibly confusing. Part of it is the reluctance to use character names, part of itís the timeline (Iím not sure if the second section happens all in the club? I think it does, but I initially thought that this was them leaving the club together and forming a relationship), part of itís the third section where I donít understand why some things are in both italics and quotes. I feel a real sense of understanding for Sophia, though, and you make her frustration really easy to empathize with. I also like the relationship and uncertain form of understanding she comes to with Jonathan, I just wish this story was easier to comprehend.

Ainít No Girl Like Me

Oh, this is cute. I like the ending a lot Ė the last section is pretty powerful on its own. I think my main sticking point here is the voice, which veers back and forth between stiff and dusty (ďtwo disparate sofas,Ē ďsignaling imminent demise, but I admire its refusal to go outĒ) to stuff thatís very casual (ďride out my buzz,Ē ďI cry and I cry and I cry not because my face hurts but because Iím in goddamn loveĒ), and I feel like you donít have a good grasp on this character. That said, the story still works, I think, because a bullied kid is visceral enough to make us sympathize, and itís cool that a girl rescues a girl out of this compassionate friendship, itís a good dynamic.

The Beat Thatís In Every Blast

This is another one where I canít tell if Iím stupid or if the story is unclear. Modern City is being bombed, but our protagonist just wants to enjoy some music. Then the protagonist runs into some kid whoís lost his family, chats with him about Thanksgiving, when the kid becomes upset that he ran. And then the protagonist becomes struck with the sense that everyoneís crying is setting the beat for this new, war-torn world. Itís a striking concept, sure, but it feels more bizarre than poignant. The relationship between the protagonist and the kid is sweet, and thereís some subtlety to it (although Iím not sure what he means by ďI didnít mean toÖ I just wanted one timeÖĒ) I think my broader issue is the protagonist, who certainly has a wild imagination w/r/t interpreting music, but fixates on this in a way that seems inappropriate. I guess itís shell-shock, or something like that, but itís pretty alienating to read about, and the ending just seems to straddle grimdark and really maudlin.

Ash Knowledge

Youíve got a pretty useless parenthetical in your second sentence. (You also forgot a word in your first, which is a little ironic for someone who went hard on everyone elseís first sentences!) But hereís my point: heís Jerry to his fellow kindergardners, but also to his grandpa? Why not just say his grandpa?

I think this is a really interesting risk youíve taken, with the parable frame story, but I donít think itís very successful. Thatís mostly because the bombing of Dresden is pretty common knowledge, and the sections of this story that take place on the plane probably arenít that necessary. I could see this story working more successfully if it was just the conversation between the grandfather and the kid, and you used context clues or inner narration to hint at the grandfatherís history, but as it is now, youíre just laying out the one-to-one connections between things and it comes off as a didactic war-is-bad story.

Men Over Mission

Your main character is really boring and has zero agency, and you go out of your way to have him not make any decisions. You hint at a broader conflict, I guess, but this story feels like a transitional scene in something bigger, something that relies on greater context to have any real impact. I donít care much about the relationship between Mike and Jason, I donít care if Reyes goes to war, and I donít care if mike makes it in time, mostly because you donít really give me a reason to care about any of these characters except the ticking clock and that one of themís hurt. I do think youíre doing an OK job at letting dialogue structure the story, but the problem is a lot of this just falls flat, since none of these characters have much of a personality. Iím also not sure what the connection to the song is here. Itís not the tone, thatís for sure, but thereís probably some image in the song that inspired this piece.

Miracle

Youíve got atmosphere going for you here, and I think youíre doing a pretty good job at painting this world and playing up the pathos of this story. Youíre tapped into Ezraís emotional state throughout the piece, and that keeps the piece interesting, something to buoy it above your crapsack world. Your ending goes a little off the rails for me, though, when your perspective suddenly shifts to Nehemiah, and then I think shifts back to Ezra. Itís confusing, and Iím not sure who the pronouns at the end are referring to.

This is another one with a pretty tenuous connection to the song. Iím guessing you went with ďit has leper in the title.Ē

The Free Radical

I had a lot of trouble getting interested in this story. I think itís because we spend so much time with what Dominicís doing, but you donít spend a lot of time telling us why it matters that heís doing it. This feels a little like Iím reading a chapter in the middle of a pulp novel. Itís just things that happen, and I just donít really care.

I like lines like ďAs a kid heíd taken singing lessons, learned how to shift his resonance to different parts of his body,Ē because thatís a really useful metaphor to give me a clue whatís going on, but the rest of this story is packed with action that Iím having trouble blocking in my head. The story is so dense with nouns that theyíre difficult to arrange into something coherent.

I also donít really see a connection to the song, outside of the name of the computer.

anime was right
Jun 27, 2008

death is certain
keep yr cool


ty 4 tha crit

Mercedes
Mar 7, 2006

"So you Jesus?"

"And you black?"

"Nigga prove it!"

And so Black Jesus turned water into a bucket of chicken. And He saw that it was good.






I probably shouldn't sign up because I have my board exams coming up, but loving hell do I love magical realism.

In

Maugrim
Feb 16, 2011

I eat your face



Thanks for the crit!

Maugrim fucked around with this message at 22:13 on Apr 12, 2016

Carl Killer Miller
Apr 28, 2007

This is the way that it all falls.
This is how I feel,
This is what I need:


sparksbloom posted:

R.E.M. Week Crits, Part 1


Thanks!

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hotsoupdinner
Apr 12, 2007
eat up

sparksbloom posted:

R.E.M. Week Crits, Part 1

Thanks for the crit!

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