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  • Locked thread
Bad Seafood
Dec 10, 2010

If you must blink, do it now.


I declare myself the King of Thursday.

My previous entry requirements still stand. I'll work something out.

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Chainmail Onesie
May 12, 2014


LoserWinner
of "Thunder Dome!

*cued entrance music*

In.

I'm a fool with a death wish gambling man, so I'll take a sebmojo flashrule too.

Carcer
Aug 7, 2010


In.

sebmojo
Oct 23, 2010


Legit Cyberpunk







Chainmail Onesie posted:

*cued entrance music*

In.

I'm a fool with a death wish gambling man, so I'll take a sebmojo flashrule too.

:siren:flash rule::siren: No character may speak

a new study bible!
Feb 1, 2009



BIG DICK NICK
A Philadelphia Legend
Fly Eagles Fly



crabrock posted:

ok you can have it too. man you sure got me angry.

gently caress you crabrock gimme a flash rule.

Barnaby Profane
Feb 23, 2012

THUNDERDOME LOSER 2021


In.

Paladinus
Jan 11, 2014

heyHEYYYY!!!


I'm in, because I'm addicted to losertars. Now flash me like I'm on a late evening stroll through an empty park.

Marshmallow Blue
Apr 25, 2010


In for Wednesday - Or if that's full, Thursday I guess.

And :toxx: cause I failed to submit last week

(USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST)

Social Studies 3rd Period
Oct 31, 2012

THUNDERDOME LOSER





What the hell. Gimmie a flash rule, seb.

clearly nothing can go wrong with this plan

sebmojo
Oct 23, 2010


Legit Cyberpunk







Paladinus posted:

I'm in, because I'm addicted to losertars. Now flash me like I'm on a late evening stroll through an empty park.

:siren:flash rule::siren: your story is set in the mesosphere

C7ty1 posted:

What the hell. Gimmie a flash rule, seb.

clearly nothing can go wrong with this plan

:siren:flash rule::siren: zoo/divorce

sebmojo fucked around with this message at 14:54 on May 31, 2016

Hammer Bro.
Jul 7, 2007

THUNDERDOME LOSER



I clearly have problems communicating along the lines of that adverb.

seb. Flash me. Flash me good.

Carcer
Aug 7, 2010


Gimme a flashrule as well sebmojo. Its not like its going to make my first entry any worse.

Mr Gentleman
Apr 29, 2003

the Educated Villain of London




Thanks!

Chernabog
Apr 16, 2007





I'll take a flash rule as well, I need something to blame for my terrible story.

Also thanks for the crits!

Siddhartha Glutamate
Oct 3, 2005


will a judge please flash me, please?

sparksbloom
Apr 30, 2006


Week 199 crits, part 2 of 3

Cold Morning

Plot: Jeri goes grocery shopping in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Sheís trying to ignore that her familyís dead.

The first paragraph of this isnít engaging at all, and this was one of the duller stories overall this week. It would help if Jeri had a clearer goal here, but the first two thirds of this story feels like filler, because the storyís built entirely around the twist. And thereís definitely emotional energy around the twist that makes me feel like youíve got a seed of a good idea here, but I wish youíd funneled into it with a more energetic plot. As is, this story feels plodding and aimless, and the words spent on the setting might be better spent confronting Jeri with an obstacle, or racheting up the tension around her family.

Doldrums

Plot: Captain John Harding led his ship to disaster. The crew mutinies and his friend Kimball attempts to hang him, but when thereís a sliver of hope, Kimball cuts him down and they contemplate the coming storm.

Thoughts: This was elegantly structured and paced. The story juggles a lot of elements here, but manages to create a sense of impending dread, develop a relationship between the captain and Kimball, and give us reasons to feel sorry for the captain and hope he doesnít get hanged. Iím especially impressed with the depth in the captain and Kimballís relationship, and also the way youíve channeled the culture and mood of the ship. Definitely one of my favorites this week.

Cocytus

Plot: In a post-apocalyptic hellscape, three people try to find a place to settle.

Thoughts: Iím interested in the dynamics you have between your characters, and I think my favorite parts of this story are the parts that capture the irritation of spending so much time in close contact with the same people. And I think this is a well-thought out concept, but I wish that itíd been mobilized into something a little tighter: a story about these people facing a more pressing crisis, maybe. The problem is that this story isnít very immediate, and your middle section of traveling and exposition really drags down the energy of the good elements here.

Falling to pieces

Plot: In the zombie apocalypse, the protagonist tries to find his lover before his body falls apart.

Thoughts: This really revels in its grossness to the point of blunting any other impact. The grossness is at least well-written, but I didnít really care about our heroís quest, so the story kind of fell apart for me. Itís cool that the protagonist seems to care that heís falling apart, so thereís some grounding to this story, but the images are so grim and cartoonishly violent that the attempted emotional stakes canít really take hold. Iíd prefer to see the protagonist facing a challenge to him encountering a bunch of gross stuff Ė thatíd at least give this some pulp appeal.

I Have Evolved My Progeny As It Pleased Me

Plot: The protagonist is a reality researcher, whose research gets cancelled. An atomic weapon is about to go off. Also, thereís like psychic cyborg aliens or something. I kind of wish that this had DMed so the podcast would do a close read of this but Iíve got too many stories to crit to suss out what the Fatestry is, or what kind of reality actually exists in the world of this story, or what the scions have to do with this galactic war.

Thoughts: Even though this piece too dense with jargon and ideas for me to make narrative heads or tails of it, I was really struck by the tone. I found the sense of loss and hopelessness really affecting, even if I had trouble wrapping my head around the broader concepts here. Itís just that the story is too conceptually thick for it to cohere into anything compelling, and the more I try to suss out exactly whatís going on here, the more confused I get. Thatís OK, because I really enjoy the narrative voice, especially the sense of loneliness and loss from the protagonist.

The Rest Is Violence

Plot: Casey is a crooked cop. But he draws a line at raping 12 year olds. This makes him a wanted man.

Thoughts: In judge chat, one of my co-judges mentioned that it was a little mawkish that the story opens with a relevant social issue before turning into a noir story. I think this is a well-paced noir story, but yeah, it definitely makes me a little squeamish that this story uses child rape and police brutality as fodder for fairly disposable pulp action. We donít learn a lot about Casey as a protagonist, and I think it would help if we knew a little more about his moral code. As the story stands, it seems shaped by the plot; Iíd be interested in a version of this story where Caseyís moral code shapes the plot instead.

Check Engine Light On

Plot: Ray, whoís missing a hand, and Satyam struggle to keep their damaged ship alive.

Thoughts: My primary issue with this story is the way it doles out exposition. Hereís the main offender:

ďIt turns out that when you use knockoff reality TV as the sole funding source for your colonisation project, your mighty research vessel ends up being designed modularly by fifty different contractors and integrated by shitheads.Ē

This isnít the kind of information you want to introduce three-quarters of the way through your story. The reality TV part is really jarring, since itís never referred to again, and I have no idea how or why itís funding a colonization project. Then thereís a reference to a ďmurder weapon,Ē which Iím assuming is what the protagonist is calling the faulty piece of machinery that cut off his hand, but which had me thinking the first time I read this story that he was maliciously attacked.

That said, I enjoy the kind of hopelessness here, which is more apathetic than despairing, and I like the details youíve included about the relationship between Satyam and Ray. Aside from the distracting extraneous details, the prose is strong, clear, and evocative, and I hope you keep submitting to the dome.

Iím sorry, but youíre hosed

Plot: To earn his fatherís favor, a son tortures an old friend who wronged his father.

Thoughts: The monologue doesnít make any diegetic sense as something this character is actually saying Ė itís stuffed full of ďas you knowsĒ and exposition that would be totally unnecessary. Itís corny and goofy, which is a shame, because thereís a good handle on voice, and I like the thoughts and ideas as something your character is thinking to himself. The emotions the character is experiencing, the way heís trying to justify his own actions, or the way heís willing to go so far for the smallest bit of approval from his father Ė this is all good stuff! But in this second person form, the story comes off as cheese when itís aiming for gravitas.

My Brotherís Keeper

Plot: Resentful of being the good child in the family, the narrator knocks down his severely mentally ill brother with his car and struggles with the guilt.

Thoughts: Thereís some very human horror in this story, which I appreciated, and the creeping guilt of the narrator kept this story tense. I donít think the last section is necessary, though, as itís mostly information we could infer from the other sections youíve included. The story walks a narrow line, but I think it succeeds in letting the reader sympathize with the narratorís plight while still granting that heís a terrible person.

Thereís a lot of little quibbles I have with this story, and Iíd like to give this a line crit next week. But I think this story is really successful in its tone.

Sitting Here
Dec 31, 2007


BLO OD E M PR E SS

of

THUDNER-DOME






Maugrim posted:

e: out like a useless bitch who can't write

:siren: there's a space in the Tuesday group :siren:

Someone better grab that slot! Or you can let them rot and get the bad flashrule.

Anyone can grab the Tuesday slot, even if you've already picked a day. Switching days is still otherwise verboten.

Ironic Twist
Aug 3, 2008

I'm bokeh, you're bokeh


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=avFq9errZCk

in.

take the moon
Feb 12, 2011

by sebmojo


nvm

take the moon fucked around with this message at 00:38 on Jun 1, 2016

Sitting Here
Dec 31, 2007


BLO OD E M PR E SS

of

THUDNER-DOME







You can only do this if you find someone to take your Monday slot, since Monday already got its benign rule. Meanwhile someone else is still free to claim Tuesday.

Actually looking at Twist's post, he got to it already. Sorry buddy, you're stuck with your fair and open-ended flsh rule :smith:

Sitting Here fucked around with this message at 00:16 on Jun 1, 2016

Ironic Twist
Aug 3, 2008

I'm bokeh, you're bokeh


Sitting Here posted:

You can only do this if you find someone to take your Monday slot, since Monday already got its benign rule. Meanwhile someone else is still free to claim Tuesday.

me, it's me, I'm claiming Tuesday

Sitting Here
Dec 31, 2007


BLO OD E M PR E SS

of

THUDNER-DOME






:siren: TUESDAY GOONS HERE IS YOUR FLASHRULE :siren:

That's ZeB, Sparks, Newt, a friendly penguin, CANNIBAL GIRLS, Ent, Chili, Mistaya, Chernabog and Twist

Since you hit the max, you get the nice rule.

Pick up to 4 words from this completely arbitrary list. You get 50 extra words for each one you use, up to a max of four(4). Because this is a flash rule, you have to pick at LEAST one, which means you get 50 extra words minimum.

brouhaha
euphoric
eleemosynary
euclidean
embrocation
avuncular
obsequious
syzygy
vituperation
crepuscular
callipygian
diffident
eclectic
grawlix
groak
picayune
apricity
anodyne
ambrosia
catawampus
babushka
lackadaisical
phantasmagoria
excogitate
gestalt
kerfuffle
perspicacious
callithumpian
crapulous
zaftig
monsterful
desuetude
pursuivant
nugatory
persiflage
mellifluous
consanguineous
tantamount
ameliorate
juxtapose

BONUS DEAL: Anyone who :toxx:es this week can pick one(1) word from this list and FORCE one(1) other entrant to use it. Again, that's ANYONE who :toxx:es, and they can inflict the word on anyone else who's in this week.

Sitting Here
Dec 31, 2007


BLO OD E M PR E SS

of

THUDNER-DOME






IRC posted:

newt|work>
can you roll mine randomly, blood queen?

grawlix
nugatory
mellifluous
vituperation

+200 words for newtest leper.

sebmojo
Oct 23, 2010


Legit Cyberpunk







Chernabog posted:

I'll take a flash rule as well, I need something to blame for my terrible story.

Also thanks for the crits!

:siren:flash rule::siren: someone is crushed to death by an avalanche of ironic consumer goods

Titus82 posted:

will a judge please flash me, please?

:siren:flash rule::siren: your protagonist has narcolepsy

Carcer posted:

Gimme a flashrule as well sebmojo. Its not like its going to make my first entry any worse.

:siren:flash rule::siren: three characters, two secrets, one crime

Hammer Bro. posted:

I clearly have problems communicating along the lines of that adverb. seb. Flash me. Flash me good.


:siren:flash rule::siren: drunk in charge of a warship

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006


Wednesday is for war

sebmojo
Oct 23, 2010


Legit Cyberpunk








:siren: flash rule::siren: two souls chasing each other down the same drain. CAN'T BE DEPRESSING.

Carl Killer Miller
Apr 28, 2007

This is the way that it all falls.
This is how I feel,
This is what I need:




I think I'll finally have a home tomorrow. In for this week, phonepostin from the Best Western Bayou Inn and Suites, LA. I haven't written a word in a week. Gimme some thunder, judges.

take the moon
Feb 12, 2011

by sebmojo


Sitting Here posted:

BONUS DEAL: Anyone who :toxx:es this week can pick one(1) word from this list and FORCE one(1) other entrant to use it. Again, that's ANYONE who :toxx:es, and they can inflict the word on anyone else who's in this week.

:toxx:

flerp must use the word zaftig

Carl Killer Miller
Apr 28, 2007

This is the way that it all falls.
This is how I feel,
This is what I need:




Oh yeah, flash rule. Any judge, any rule. I'm too burned to be more specific. Gimme a challenge

Sitting Here
Dec 31, 2007


BLO OD E M PR E SS

of

THUDNER-DOME






Tyrannosaurus posted:

Wednesday is for war


Carl Killer Miller posted:

I think I'll finally have a home tomorrow. In for this week, phonepostin from the Best Western Bayou Inn and Suites, LA. I haven't written a word in a week. Gimme some thunder, judges.

Wednesday is full, so I'm adding you both to the Thursday flashrule group. Carl, I'm sure mojo will happily flash you.

sebmojo
Oct 23, 2010


Legit Cyberpunk







Carl Killer Miller posted:

I think I'll finally have a home tomorrow. In for this week, phonepostin from the Best Western Bayou Inn and Suites, LA. I haven't written a word in a week. Gimme some thunder, judges.

:siren:flash rule:siren: your story takes place on an ancient titan

Marshmallow Blue
Apr 25, 2010


Tyrannosaurus posted:

Wednesday is for war

And your word is crapulous.

I knew I'd have my revenge. I just didn't know it would be so soon.

Entenzahn
Nov 15, 2012

What will you say when
your child asks:
why did you fail Thunderdome?


:toxx:

I'm giving flerp the word zaftig again so he has to use it at least twice, good luck bro

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006


Marshmallow Blue posted:

And your word is crapulous.

I knew I'd have my revenge. I just didn't know it would be so soon.

Aight

Screaming Idiot
Nov 26, 2007

JUST POSTING WHILE JERKIN' MY GHERKIN SITTIN' IN A PERKINS!

BEATS SELLING MERKINS.


Fun Shoe

I want to thank everyone for the kind and accurate words used to critique my awful story.

I would also like to throw myself to the piranhas and declare myself IN this week. I will dutifully await my sentence.

Dr. Kloctopussy
Apr 22, 2003

"It's time....to DIE!"


In for Week 200

SurreptitiousMuffin
Mar 21, 2010


:siren: MEGABRAWL UPDATE :siren:

To prevent procrastination and to space out the reading I'm going to have to do, I'm adding a flash rule for everybody:

If you get your piece in significantly earlier than the deadline and you win your brawl, you will receive bonus words in the following round, commensurate to how early you were.

Sitting Here
Dec 31, 2007


BLO OD E M PR E SS

of

THUDNER-DOME






IRC posted:

QuoProQuid>
heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey, someone give me a flash rule for this week because im spinning my wheels plot-wise
(please)


Hello friend I see you are in need of some assistance

Oh I see you are a Monday signup

Flashrule: "Man agonizes over his paseo"

sebmojo
Oct 23, 2010


Legit Cyberpunk







Sitting Here posted:

Hello friend I see you are in need of some assistance

Oh I see you are a Monday signup

Flashrule: "Man agonizes over his paseo"

lol that's not a flash rule

this

:siren:flash rule:siren: story takes place between breaths

is a flash rule

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Sitting Here
Dec 31, 2007


BLO OD E M PR E SS

of

THUDNER-DOME






sebmojo posted:

lol that's not a flash rule

this

:siren:flash rule:siren: story takes place between breaths

is a flash rule

if you read the goddamn thread for once you'd see I was sticking to the dumbass flashrule scheme some idiot thought up for Monday signups

Christ you buffoon

anyway, QPQ you get both

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