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flerp
Feb 25, 2014

I DON'T ALWAYS
HERDY DUR MUR FLERP FLERPITY
FLOOPIN
BUT WHEN I DO
I YER DER FLERPITY
THURN DER DERMIN
BORK! BORK! BORK!


curlingiron posted:

I have a sport, but I would like a flash rule, please, okay thank you.

E: also, I don't want to specifically kick Djeser's rear end, I just said he's dumb and I would win, also Digimon is bad

flash rule: you only pick on him because you like him

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God Over Djinn
Jan 17, 2005

onwards and upwards


.

God Over Djinn fucked around with this message at 05:58 on Feb 1, 2016

Sitting Here
Dec 31, 2007


God Over Djinn posted:

flash rule: Sitting Here, who joined team MER only to (attempt to) kick Ironic Twist's rear end, and who is known to dip his pigtails into her inkwell from time to time if you get what i'm sayin', will also be subject to this flash rule. Plus more flash rules for anybody else who already has a nemesis in mind, although reasonable requests will be happily accommodated.

Twist's best quality is how easy it is to own him tbh

Djeser
Mar 22, 2013


God Over Djinn posted:

attn djeser: in the interest of fairness and because curlingiron inexplicably wants to kick your specific rear end, i had to switch you from OCK to MER. sorry bro

thanks for switching me to the winning team

Ironic Twist
Aug 3, 2008

I'm bokeh, you're bokeh


Sitting Here posted:

Twist's best quality is how easy it is to own him tbh

pfft, your feeble owns roll off me like water off an Ock's back

take the moon
Feb 12, 2011

by Fluffdaddy


e: phoneposting is terrible

flerp
Feb 25, 2014

I DON'T ALWAYS
HERDY DUR MUR FLERP FLERPITY
FLOOPIN
BUT WHEN I DO
I YER DER FLERPITY
THURN DER DERMIN
BORK! BORK! BORK!


quote:

<Twist> flerp is into competitive vacuuming becuz he suck

Ironic Twist posted:

pfft, your feeble owns roll off me like water off an Ock's back

well then if you're so good and cool i'm sure you can handle a flash rule where one of your characters is a duck and this matters

God Over Djinn
Jan 17, 2005

onwards and upwards


.

God Over Djinn fucked around with this message at 05:58 on Feb 1, 2016

Siddhartha Glutamate
Oct 3, 2005


Pham Nuwen posted:

Oddly enough this is what I thought while reading your story

Broenheim posted:

Hi there, for this exceedingly bad post, you're getting flash ruled that your sport will be a dog show and all the dogs will be very good and i will want to pet them.

Pfft. Dogs he says. Like writing about dogs is worthy of my talent. But okay, bucko, I'll give you dogs. And it won't be dog poo poo.

Why do I like negative attention so much?

Entenzahn posted:

I look into your faces and I see that you are scared, and you have every right to be. Because you are terrible. But I believe. I believe that, by working together, we can overcome the unsurmountable odds of facing the team that has the one good writer in it (no, not crabrock). I believe that, by pulling your heads out of your asses and actually giving a poo poo sooner than sunday evening, you can maybe, MAYBE be mediocre enough to win through sheer neglect on the enemy's side.

Finally, somebody gets my artistry.

SurreptitiousMuffin
Mar 21, 2010


imma poo poo everywhere then sit down in the poo poo and make bbbrrrppbrrprprpp boat noises with my mouth y'all need to step the gently caress back because this is the realest poo poo you ever gonna see just calm yourself bbbbbbrprrprprpppprprpbbbbbbbbbbbb






art, motherfuckers

crabrock
Aug 2, 2002


I'd be impressed if team mer actually submitted stories.

I am proud of you for just trying, team

Uh, free Shasta cola after the game.

SurreptitiousMuffin
Mar 21, 2010


imma just spin around and round like a lawn sprinkler spraying liquid poo poo all over the place ppppprprpbbrrbrbrpbpppppp bpppbrprpb

im modifying my body so I can shoot pop out of extra holes so when I poo poo, I poo poo everywhere. I poo poo on your lawn, and in your souls, and I grab you and poo poo down your soul boyyo better be ready

SurreptitiousMuffin
Mar 21, 2010


plop plop plop watchin baby domers drop

Pham Nuwen
Oct 30, 2010




SurreptitiousMuffin posted:

plop plop plop watchin baby domers drop

Sitting Here
Dec 31, 2007


All WINNERS (merman) please report to #TeamMermans

take the moon
Feb 12, 2011

by Fluffdaddy


actually lets see if i can get my head out of my own butt long enough to do this

im in but can i be on team soda

God Over Djinn
Jan 17, 2005

onwards and upwards


.

God Over Djinn fucked around with this message at 05:59 on Feb 1, 2016

take the moon
Feb 12, 2011

by Fluffdaddy


i-ill do my best

Mercedes
Mar 7, 2006

"So you Jesus?"

"And you black?"

"Nigga prove it!"

And so Black Jesus turned water into a bucket of chicken. And He saw that it was good.






MERCBRAWL 2016
BROMANCE




Alright you fuckwits. This was a good brawl - mostly. Everyone brought their A game *cough* and wrote entertaining poo poo - mostly.
ENOUGH BULLSHIT, HERE'S THE WINNER!!!!

THE UNFORGETTABLE PRICK

This was entertaining to read, had "nyaw" moments between the bruv's and the bruv's girls, legit tense moments when the bro's girl is trying to get his bro out of prison. Even though it had it's problems, it was the most robust out of all the stories. sebmojo and I both think Entenzahn wrote this one, but it could also be Broenheim.

Now for the rest - The Forgotten Lakeside was a real close contender for the win, it was a really nice read; something I could definitely see in a literary magazine. It just had two major issues that held it back. The first is that we felt the story didn't really have characters, it was just a series of events. It was the lack of dialogue I felt. Second is that the MC was passive. The way the story was presented, it was like stuff just happened to him. Again, mainly the fault of a lack of dialogue. Anyways, besides my gripe, I really enjoyed this one. Obviously, Sitting Here wrote this.

From the Grave could have been awesome if it wasn't for the forced motivations of the bros. The one bro's first idea is to attack the city of his other bro? They don't even parlay to see what the gently caress or why the gently caress any of this is happening. Not very brolike. This one had a ton of potential, but even with almost 2000 words, it felt rushed. I thiiiink Broenheim wrote this, if he didn't write The Unforgettable Prick.

Something's Waiting For Us - Goddamit. Piffle wiffle. Hiding information from your readers isn't cool and mysterious. It's annoying as poo poo. I didn't care about your bros because you never showed them being bros. Oh sure, you hinted at and told me, but that's weak poo poo. Also, you forgot your plot. I feel Klapman wrote this one.

Problems etc - Entertaining, kinda. A few jokes and funny situations kept me gritting my teeth to force myself into reading, but goddammit, there is absolutely no sense that I got your two bros were once inseparable bros. At most, they're just rivals. Bros don't knock each other down, they build each other up. Also ease up on the fantasy trope cliches, jackass. I have a feeling Shnieder Heim wrote this one.

And finally Fuschia. Dear, poor, "I can't follow instructions" Fuschia. Your story was clunky and it bored the hell out of me. I had to grit my teeth and force myself to read your story. Next time you want to open your story with your main character waking up, eat your keyboard instead. Nothing happens for the first half of the story it felt like. And by the time something DID happen, I didn't care anymore. I just wanted to move on with my life.

Sitting Here
Dec 31, 2007


Sitting Here posted:

Okay. You know what. I've clearly got a lot of septic fiction to work out of my system, but it would still smell like roses next to anything this gaggle of baby-fisted jokers could possibly inflict on the world.


Mercedes posted:


Alright you fuckwits. This was a good brawl - mostly. Everyone brought their A game *cough* and wrote entertaining poo poo - mostly.
ENOUGH BULLSHIT, HERE'S THE WINNER!!!!

THE UNFORGETTABLE PRICK


I rest my case.

Entenzahn
Nov 15, 2012

What will you say when
your child asks:
why did you fail Thunderdome?


Mercedes posted:

Problems etc - Entertaining, kinda. A few jokes and funny situations kept me gritting my teeth to force myself into reading, but goddammit, there is absolutely no sense that I got your two bros were once inseparable bros. At most, they're just rivals. Bros don't knock each other down, they build each other up. Also ease up on the fantasy trope cliches, jackass. I have a feeling Shnieder Heim wrote this one.

i wrote the best comedy story

considering this a moral victory

sebmojo
Oct 23, 2010


Legit Cyberpunk


judgeburps

Kaishai
Nov 3, 2010

Scoffing at modernity.

Mercbrawl Credits!

What we can all learn from this list: Merc couldn't guess his way out of a paper sack.

Broenheim wrote "Something's Waiting For Us."
klapman wrote "The Forgotten Lakeside."
Entenzahn wrote "Some problems are only solved by blowing them up, or maybe not but you blow them up anyway."
Schneider Heim wrote "From the Grave."
Sitting Here wrote "The Unforgettable Prick."
Fuschia tude wrote "Please Try Not to Scream."

Congratulations, Sitting Here!

D.O.G.O.G.B.Y.N.
Dec 31, 2011

THUNDERDOME LOSER

in and also a for bailing out last time around

Djeser
Mar 22, 2013


glad to have you back dogog

Wangless Wonder
May 27, 2009


i was bad last week. i will be good this week. in

sebmojo
Oct 23, 2010


Legit Cyberpunk


'crabrock', you say



in

sebmojo
Oct 23, 2010


Legit Cyberpunk


Kai will have a draft of this story by 2359 Sat PST

God Over Djinn
Jan 17, 2005

onwards and upwards


.

God Over Djinn fucked around with this message at 05:59 on Feb 1, 2016

blackmarketlimb
Dec 27, 2005


let me off this bench, motherfucker.

In.

God Over Djinn
Jan 17, 2005

onwards and upwards


.

God Over Djinn fucked around with this message at 05:59 on Feb 1, 2016

crabrock
Aug 2, 2002


me i'll take him

God Over Djinn
Jan 17, 2005

onwards and upwards


.

God Over Djinn fucked around with this message at 05:59 on Feb 1, 2016

God Over Djinn
Jan 17, 2005

onwards and upwards


.

God Over Djinn fucked around with this message at 05:59 on Feb 1, 2016

flerp
Feb 25, 2014

I DON'T ALWAYS
HERDY DUR MUR FLERP FLERPITY
FLOOPIN
BUT WHEN I DO
I YER DER FLERPITY
THURN DER DERMIN
BORK! BORK! BORK!


hey blackmarketlimb crabrock was nice enough to let you join your team even though you're a newbie and bad and imo i wouldnt have picked u up because you'd probably lose if someone failed. anyways, i want you to write a really nice thank you to crabrock, thanking him for the chance for you to gently caress himself over. oh yeah, and the thank you will be in the form of 200 word story and be about a crabrock whatever the gently caress that is. i'll give you up to a 100 words depending on how good it is.

people were saying mean things but basically WRITE A 200 WORD STORY ABOUT CRABROCK, geez guy you only read the bolded bits anyways.

flerp fucked around with this message at 04:39 on Jan 22, 2016

Chairchucker
Nov 14, 2006

The man was stunningly well dressed. He had a smart looking jacket, and a really neat looking cape, the lining of which was shimmering and sparkling in more than Oriental splendour, which is a great deal of splendour indeed, just ask Kipling.

I am officially a sitting here superfan now. After she absolutely brutalises ironic twist in SPORTS, I am gonna go and set things on fire and put cars on their side, it is going to be the best. I'm also pre-emptively tattooing SITTING HEAR SPORTS CHAMPION 2016 4EVA on my left buttock.

crabrock
Aug 2, 2002


Chairchucker posted:

I am officially a sitting here superfan now. After she absolutely brutalises ironic twist in SPORTS, I am gonna go and set things on fire and put cars on their side, it is going to be the best. I'm also pre-emptively tattooing SITTING HEAR SPORTS CHAMPION 2016 4EVA on my left buttock.

i am gonna block that buttock

Ironic Twist
Aug 3, 2008

I'm bokeh, you're bokeh


Chairchucker posted:

I am officially a sitting here superfan now. After she absolutely brutalises ironic twist in SPORTS, I am gonna go and set things on fire and put cars on their side, it is going to be the best. I'm also pre-emptively tattooing SITTING HEAR SPORTS CHAMPION 2016 4EVA on my left buttock.

enjoy your 9 words sitting here

blackmarketlimb
Dec 27, 2005


Broenheim posted:

hey blackmarketlimb crabrock was nice enough to let you join your team even though you're a newbie and bad and imo i wouldnt have picked u up because you'd probably lose if someone failed. anyways, i want you to write a really nice thank you to crabrock, thanking him for the chance for you to gently caress himself over. oh yeah, and the thank you will be in the form of 200 word story and be about a crabrock whatever the gently caress that is. i'll give you up to a 100 words depending on how good it is.

people were saying mean things but basically WRITE A 200 WORD STORY ABOUT CRABROCK, geez guy you only read the bolded bits anyways.
Crabrock was going to beat the poo poo out of a Howitzer.

He rolled up off the beach of Normandy with the booming gun still in his ears. He'd show those loving German guns, by God, or he wasn't a failure of science that resulted in a rock formation sprouting crab legs and pinchers that could snip the dick off a whale at three thousand paces.

So on he scuttled, the German guns turning the sand in his wake into a blasted landscape that looked more alien than the distant surface of the moon. Allied troops fell around him, but still he did not stop. He had only eyes for that squat gun on a distant hillside that belched artillery.

He effortlessly beheaded a Nazi sergeant on his way and sat his rear end right on the neck stump, making the corpse into a hideous vehicle of flesh and bone that he navigated up a hill that was formerly lush with vegetation.

A platoon of Krauts fell before Crabrock's stolen MP40 before he crested the hill and he finally allowed his morbid ride crash to the ground so he could properly get down to business.

He picked up the Howitzer in his grasping claws and suplexed it so hard that it opened a crack in the hill that swallowed an entire bunker. The day was saved and fireworks exploded in the sky as Crabrock stood atop the wreckage of steel and lead, snapping his pinchers at the sky and the foolish God who would dare try to stop him.

(i have no idea what the gently caress a crabrock is so i winged it.)

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flerp
Feb 25, 2014

I DON'T ALWAYS
HERDY DUR MUR FLERP FLERPITY
FLOOPIN
BUT WHEN I DO
I YER DER FLERPITY
THURN DER DERMIN
BORK! BORK! BORK!


blackmarketlimb posted:

Crabrock was going to beat the poo poo out of a Howitzer.

He rolled up off the beach of Normandy with the booming gun still in his ears. He'd show those loving German guns, by God, or he wasn't a failure of science that resulted in a rock formation sprouting crab legs and pinchers that could snip the dick off a whale at three thousand paces.

So on he scuttled, the German guns turning the sand in his wake into a blasted landscape that looked more alien than the distant surface of the moon. Allied troops fell around him, but still he did not stop. He had only eyes for that squat gun on a distant hillside that belched artillery.

He effortlessly beheaded a Nazi sergeant on his way and sat his rear end right on the neck stump, making the corpse into a hideous vehicle of flesh and bone that he navigated up a hill that was formerly lush with vegetation.

A platoon of Krauts fell before Crabrock's stolen MP40 before he crested the hill and he finally allowed his morbid ride crash to the ground so he could properly get down to business.

He picked up the Howitzer in his grasping claws and suplexed it so hard that it opened a crack in the hill that swallowed an entire bunker. The day was saved and fireworks exploded in the sky as Crabrock stood atop the wreckage of steel and lead, snapping his pinchers at the sky and the foolish God who would dare try to stop him.

very good, 100 words, -1 words for the parentheses, so 99 words

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