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Joe Slowboat
Nov 9, 2016

Higgledy-Piggledy Whale Statements



Yeah, the things people complain a lot about in terms of Ex3's content mostly seem to be things that never got published. It's good that they got pushback on those things!

But that's really different from, say, Second Edition's various published content issues.

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Nessus
Dec 22, 2003

After a Speaker vote, you may be entitled to a valuable coupon or voucher!



Stephenls posted:

Oh, yeah. That makes sense. Geoff Grabowski's formal education is in economics, and a lot of Exalted is "An economist tries to show up fantasy writers."
How exactly?

I will say that the stuff about the different broad currency standards was interesting and actually came up in a game I was in in a meaningful way, albeit for evil. (The party conned a caravan master into thinking he was buying jade ore that was actually a bunch of serpentine rubble. For all I know it was actually true.)

Libertad!
Oct 30, 2013

You can have the last word, but I'll have the last laugh!




This is the Miscellaneous GM’s Section of the book, a collection of material which doesn’t fit in the other chapters. On a similar note the artwork here feels like placeholders, few of which is directly relevant to the adjoining text. The majority of content focuses on new adventure hooks and what’s going on behind the scenes of the various lands.

Advanced Disease Rules

Certain regions of Nyambe are home to terrain and animals capable of spreading illness, who in colder climates would have their numbers reduced during the harsh winters. As a result, every region has a percentage chance per week of game time to check if a character needs to roll a Fortitude save against an illness. Foreigners suffer -4 on this save due to not having built up immunities, and vice versa for Nyambans encountering foreign diseases. The exception are magical diseases which the humanoid body cannot naturally build a natural resistance against. In fact, due to the preponderance of divine spellcasters with cure disease many diseases have naturally developed Spell Resistance. Additionally, there are new rules for Prevention which allow you to automatically succeed on saving throws in regards to certain illnesses: cauterizing injuries, wearing gloves, purifying and boiling water, etc.

We have 12 new diseases, ranging from the mild yet disgusting worms which are parasitic eggs found in ingogo feces and tainted food supplies; blood fever spread by rats which can drive one to fever-driven hallucinations; malaise is basically malaria and spread by mosquitoes which deal Dexterity damage in the form of joint pain; fiend touch which is spread by evil outsiders and causes rapid Intelligence damage from the swelling of the brain lining; to the infamous red death which is a highly magically-resistant airborne virus that deals daily Constitution damage from internal hemorrhaging.

Diseases have always ranged from inconveniences to slow death for adventuring parties, and Nyambe is no different. The Spell Resistance combined with new Prevention rules may cause gaming groups to become overly cautious, although the novelty may wear off when players announce that the PCs boil their water for every meal and sleep in mosquito-proof net tents.


Secrets of Nyambe

This is technically an addition to Chapter Ten’s regional and national issues, sorted by adventure hooks. Each hook has three sample pieces of information about “the real behind-the-scenes plot” so as to prevent players spoiling themselves by reading the book. There is a bit of a recurring sample secret where the conspiracy/rumor/etc is bunk and there’s no big monster/invasion/etc going to happen. This feels like a bit of a downer, but may make for a good twist...if used only once, and provided with an alternative so the adventure does not feel like a waste.

I won’t cover all of the hooks, focusing instead on the more interesting ones. For example, the lost Great Udamalore may have already been reclaimed as a ploy to deceive Boroko into believing that Bashar’ka is not ready to attack; alternatively it is in the possession of the ngoloko on the Isle of Shadow; or it may in fact have gained sentience and now runs Mademba behind the scenes! The orcish slave raids on the western coasts may be your mere typical slaver-baddies, or in fact remnants of the fallen Kosan Empire who made a beachhead on Kalayu Island. Boroko’s Devil of T’ombo may be either a depraved serial killer, a group of terkow undead, or the lost lich Zulo who is killing people to slowly rebuild his necromantic power base. The Oba of Mabwe may be dead, his corpse animated to look real and controlled by duplicitous necromancer advisors, or in fact has been replaced by a shapeshifting monster seeking to escalate tensions with Nibomay. The orcish Isle of Shadow’s secret may be a genuine project to build a ngoloko utopia, an assassin’s guild, or guards a portal to an alternate Material Plane where the Kosa Empire never fell. The yuan-ti may either seek to turn the bIda Rainforest into a new home, to reawaken their ancestral race (the Samat) from their tombs, or established contact with the few remaining Kosan orcs and are working together to conquer all of Nyambe in the name of Zombi the Serpent Lord.


Nyamban Treasure

This brief section explains that different types of currency and items result in slightly different random treasure generation, and provides new tables for various item types. Nothing major to say, although the example objects are nicely reflavored, while a table for mundane items and adventuring gear are changed to include the new equipment types and mounts. Here’s an example for one art object result:

Beaded ostrich egg drinking vessel, Expertly carved wood cup, Expertly carved wood bowl, Iron necklace, Pigmented wood and raffia fiber ceremonial mask, Bolt of mud cloth (Bogolanfini)

Thoughts So Far: I overall like the adventure hooks, and the individual options are sufficiently different enough from each other to result in very unique campaigns. The new item generation tables and disease rules are more of a novelty which I cannot see myself using, but may be of help to some gaming groups.

Join us next time as we gaze upon the new wonders in Chapter Twelve, Magic Items!

Libertad! fucked around with this message at 22:32 on Jul 13, 2019

Joe Slowboat
Nov 9, 2016

Higgledy-Piggledy Whale Statements



Nessus posted:

How exactly?

I will say that the stuff about the different broad currency standards was interesting and actually came up in a game I was in in a meaningful way, albeit for evil. (The party conned a caravan master into thinking he was buying jade ore that was actually a bunch of serpentine rubble. For all I know it was actually true.)

Well, one element is the way in which economics (especially of empire and other kinds of predation) are much more the drivers of the current setting than broad metaphysical sides. Even the gods are more driven by their material needs and shoring up their bureaucratic positions than by some inherent principle to their being. The Exalted setting is one where one's material interests are much more present than one's D&D-style alignment. There are some entities that are numinous enough to be above that kind of self-interest and they pretty much all are shuffled out of the way of player characters as a rule.

This isn't something the gameline always stuck to, but it's always been at least somewhat present that the point of an empire's expansion is to enrich the core, and the point of divine corruption is to enrich those gods. This doesn't mean all characters are totally self-interested, but that the larger systems and powers in the setting are driven by the self-interest of powerful classes of person to the detriment of the less powerful. There are very few 'good kings' in Exalted, despite being high fantasy. Third Edition is actually a bit looser with that, with a lot more NPCs being described as driven by personal relationships and emotions, or personal philosophical convictions that don't necessarily directly align with their material interests... but it's still the case that there's a 'rational seed' inside the giant swords and magic punching shell.

There's also all that stuff about the Guild and so on, but I think the assumption that material power and material need are still the primary drivers of events in a high fantasy setting is core to the Exalted sense of the world.

Humbug Scoolbus
Apr 25, 2008

The scarlet letter was her passport into regions where other women dared not tread. Shame, Despair, Solitude! These had been her teachers, stern and wild ones, and they had made her strong, but taught her much amiss.
Clapping Larry

Robindaybird posted:

it's amazing how designers don't realize how loving lethal paralysis is for low level parties

In my original OD&D group back in the late 70s-early 80s, the term for Paralysis effects was' Death, Save to Half'.

hyphz
Aug 5, 2003

Number 1 Nerd Tear Farmer 2022.

Keep it up, champ.

Also you're a skeleton warrior now. Kree.
Unlockable Ben

Loxbourne posted:

Also what the heck was the point of that nuclear explosion? To remind everyone that Fallout: New Vegas has already done this opening and done it better?

This is actually brought to the fore next episode, but hey - the nuke is the arrival of the angel who’s here to protect the Innocent. Basically it’s there to make the PCs not just “more poor sods in hell” - since they showed up at the same time as the nuke, a lot of the more knowledgeable folks in Vegas are wondering if they’re connected.

Libertad!
Oct 30, 2013

You can have the last word, but I'll have the last laugh!




If Feats are the First Estate of D20 supplements, then New Magic Items would be the Second, with monsters a close Third. And hoo boy do we have a lot of new trinkets, artifacts, concoctions, and all things supernatural!

Magic Armor is actually just as common in Nyambe-tanda as it is in other realms on account that the mystical qualities are often seen as a worthy price to pay for heat exhaustion. We have some new special enhancements such as Ritual Combat which converts a limited amount of lethal damage to nonlethal, and Sun Resistance which treats armor as being light clothing for the purposes of surviving in warm environments.* New specific armors include an Armor of Cowries which grants Damage Reduction 10/+5 but has a regenerating “pool” of 200 points before it loses this quality, and the Mantle of the Iron Body which can let the user transform into living iron.

*and is a new and recent magical development, preventing it from being too ubiquitous.

Magic Weapons present us with some new unique enhancements such as Impaling which increases the critical multiplier of piercing weapons by 1, and Subduing which lets you make nonlethal attacks without penalty. New specific weapons include a Death Cult Dagger which casts the Death Knell spell whenever you kill a dying opponent, and the Spear of Heart-Piercing which is like a vorpal blade but for stabbing.

Potions have special Advanced Rules in Nyambe-tanda. Nyamban spellcasters with Brew Potion/Culinary Ashe who are at least 5th level can imbue multiple spells into their creations as well as ones do not have a range of touch. GP and XP cost for “multi-potions” increase as usual, but is really useful for allowing characters to gain the benefits of multiple spells at once rather than drinking one potion per round.

The new potions here include Bloody Teeth which is tooth dye granting the ability to suck blood like a vampire, Plague Powder which explodes in a noxious 5 foot cloud brewing with disease, and Greater and Lesser Zombi Powder which can be planted on corpses (or forces a Save or Die on those who breathe its fumes in the case of Greater) to turn them into True Zombis the following night.

Rings also have their own Advanced Rules; due to a variety of lip plugs and other jewelry which can pierce other body parts, rings do not necessarily have to take up finger slots but are still limited to a maximum of two affecting the wielder at once. The new rings of Nyambe include the Ring of Fertility which lets you cast Fertility Charm once per day, Listening which grants +10 on Listen checks, and Scent which grants you the Scent special ability.

Rods’ Advanced Rules include the magical symbolism of sex and reproduction. If one places a magic ring (vagina) over a magic rod (penis) this will combine the two items into a new intelligent item, granting the benefits of both special abilities to those who wield it. Different combinations of rods and rings will awaken different personalities representing the “birth” of different beings, although only one intelligent combined item can be active at once this way.

New entries include the Ring of Darts which can shoot blowgun darts coated with poison placed in a container that doesn’t run out (magical cloning), while the Rod of Rust functions as a light mace which inflicts the effects of a Rusting Grasp spell on metal objects it touches.

Gris-Gris do not give us any new information we haven’t read in prior chapters, but it says that when rolling a result of 91-100 on magic scroll generation to substitute a specific Nyamban spell of the DM’s choice.

Staves bear a special reputation for great power, and it is expected that only spellcasters of sufficient age and experience should wield them; those who flout these rules are regarded as supremely arrogant. The two new staves include Lesser Domain and Greater Domain, which allows the wielder to cast spells pertaining to a single cleric domain via a number of charges depending on the spell level. A Lesser Domain staff only casts spells of up to 5th level, while Greater Domain staves can go up to 9th level.

Wands tend to take the form of rattles, pompons and other small handheld objects. As wands containing offensive magic were employed by the Kosa Empire, there’s a big cultural taboo against creating them.



Wondrous Items include everything that doesn’t fit the above, and heavily focuses on masks and nkisi. The non-mask/nkisi new magic items include Headrests of Slumber which cast a triggered mental Alarm spell which sounds whenever anyone approaches within 60 feet (seems a bit overkill), a Magic Fang File which can turn your teeth into a permanent magical bite attack, a Bow Stand of Victory which can temporary grant a +1 bonus on any non-magical bow which rests on it for at least 8 hours, and the Fertility Doll which can alter the possible gender of a born child by 20% if continuously carried for one week.

Masks and nkisi are grouped together, but are activated in different ways. A mask is fashioned in the likeness of a specific orisha and grants the powers of said spirit when worn. Whereas nkisi are tiny figures made in the likeness of an orisha, and their magical effects activate when a nail is pounded into them and grants their benefits to a carried wielder for 24 hours.

The masks’ and nkisi’s powers vary depending on the orisha in question: Ancestral grants luck bonuses on attack and weapon damage rolls, or on AC and saving throws depending on whether they’re made for spiritual advice or protection; Celestial grants competence bonus on relevant skill checks (Scry/Spellcraft for Ramaranda, Diplomacy/Swim for Easafa, etc); Elemental grants energy resistance or Damage Reduction in relation to the element in question; Fiendish grants the ability to cast a single spell once per day, usually of a dangerous or macabre variety; Geographic grants a specific bonus type to Armor Class (deflection for Ocean or Wind, natural for Iron); finally, Natural grants a bonus to a single ability score based upon the related animal or plant (Intelligence for clever animals like jackals, Constitution for sturdy creatures and trees, etc).

Finally we have Trinkets, minor magic items worth 25 gold pieces or less which are widely popular and designed for entertainment or quality of life purposes. They include minor magic such as a self-heating gourd bowl for food, a comb which instantly untangles hair, and so on.

There are no new Intelligent Items here, but we do have some spooky scary Cursed Items! Most cursed items are masks and nkisi made by evil spellcasters for their powerful religious association, hoping to trick people into using them. The two new ones include the Death Mask which permanently bonds to a wielder’s face and inflicts fire damage every round, while a Vodou Nkisi inflicts a powerful debuffing spell on whoever strikes a nail into it. There are rumors of the possibility of using body parts and cast-offs from a target to affect them, but thankfully no mchawi or n’anga have found a way to do this yet.

Minor Artifacts used to be more common items in the mythical past, but the secrets of their creation have been long since lost. They include the Blade of Scarring which grants you a permanent ability score bonus by carving a pattern into your flesh; Lesser Udamalore are ceremonial ivory swords designed to deal nonlethal damage and cast Dominate Person on any humanoid they strike on a failed Will save; and the Greater Nail Figures are found in the major temples of Mabwe and have protective spells anchored to their radius. Additionally, anyone who pounds a nail into it while reciting an oath imposes a Geas/Quest spell on the oathtaker, and the orisha will strike divine lightning on anyone who tells a lie while laying a hand upon the Nail Figure.



Major Artifacts are truly unique items, created from the foundations of the world or gifts from the orisha themselves. We have a lot more than the Minor Artifacts, 10 in total. They include the majestic Adamu Dwa, possessed by Nibomay’s rulers since ancient times and grant a host of powers to those who sit upon it (Spell Resistance 40, +5 caster level, +6 AC); the Drum of Tarango which grants +10 to Perform (Drums) and lets a bard or ngoma know all spells from the bard spell list as long as they play the drum while casting; the crystal ball-like Eye of N!ok which allows anyone with Kosan blood to cast spells through the scrying interface; the Forge of the Kosans which can increase a weapon’s enhancement bonus beyond the +5 maximum with no XP or GP requirements...but instead requires a living humanoid sacrifice; Great Udamalore which has a more powerful Dominate Monster than its Lesser counterparts and grants +10 Charisma to the wielder; Kwo’s Shield which grants immunity to all manner of undead and energy-draining abilities as well as the ability to recover ability score damage at 1 point per minute rather than per day of natural healing; the Mask of Nyambe which bears the face of the Overpower itself but blinds all who see it while granting Blindsight and the ability to cast Miracle once every 5 days from the Overpower themself to anyone who wears it; the Opon TuIda, which was made by Ramaranda in an attempt to teach dragons divine magic, can grant 100% accuracy to all divination spells cast upon it albeit at risk of attracting the attention of a dragon who will retrieve the item from the “unworthy” owner; the Skin of Zombi was once worn by Zulo and grants the advantages of the Undead type with none of the drawbacks, but slowly turns the wearer into a True Zombi over time; and finally the Spear of Z’idan, an intelligent bronze weapon inhabited by a spirit of the same name who taught many secrets to the ancient Boha-Boha people.

One last thing: each entry lists ways of reflavoring existing corebook magical items into Nyambe. Most of them are cosmetic, like changing boots to sandals, but some such as Bracers of Armor have a price increase if they grant an armor or natural armor bonus.

Thoughts So Far: Overall I like this chapter. I particularly enjoy the new rules for existing items, and the new gear is both effective and thematic to the setting. The Trinkets are quite a cool touch, as it lines up well with omnipresent spellcasters (at least of the divine variety) being present in even more rural communities. It also shows that items not immediately applicable to adventuring exist in society, an all-too-common aspect lacking in the world-building of many D&D settings.

Join us next time as we cover the final chapter, Monsters of Nyambe!

PurpleXVI
Oct 30, 2011

Spewing insults, pissing off all your neighbors, betraying your allies, backing out of treaties and accords, and generally screwing over the global environment?
ALL PART OF MY BRILLIANT STRATEGY!

Libertad! posted:

Rods’ Advanced Rules include the magical symbolism of sex and reproduction. If one places a magic ring (vagina) over a magic rod (penis) this will combine the two items into a new intelligent item, granting the benefits of both special abilities to those who wield it. Different combinations of rods and rings will awaken different personalities representing the “birth” of different beings, although only one intelligent combined item can be active at once this way.

Sometimes a rod is just a rod.

Angrymog
Jan 29, 2012

Really Madcats



The final two encounters of B11 - King's Festival, and my thoughts on the module and whether it achieves its aims.

The party are Magda the Fighter, Adventurine the dwarf, Alex the thief, Mikhail the magic-user, and Praying Colin the cleric. They're about to cross the point of no return in the dungeon, entering the secret door that leads out of room 22, the Ghoul Cavern.



Beyond the secret door

As I said when they first found the door, the module calls this out as the equivalent of a video game's Point of No Return.

quote:

You must be close to the source of evil here. The air feels cold and clammy as you open the secret door, and you know that what you may meet here could be extremely dangerous!

This is a good move for the module, there's not much more frustrating than a TPK when you didn’t know to expect extra danger.


Travelling cautiously down the corridor in their usual order (Magda, Adventurine at the front, Mikhail in the middle with the lantern, then Alex and Praying Colin at the back). There's two zombie guards in the room ahead of them which move to attack as soon as the party are spotted. Colin successfully turns them, and the zombies flee right into the pit hidden in front of the door - I gave them a 2/6 chance given the size of the room and the lack of places for them to flee to. Party goes "Huh" and moves on.

Colin is the MVP in this part of the dungeon; apart from vs. the ghoul his Turn Undead has really carried the day.

What was supposed to happen in that room is that the party fight the zombies, and on round two (zombies have 7 hp and bad AC, so there might not have been one) the main villain turns up to join in. In this case we're saying that he hears the commotion and prepares his defensive spell - Protection from Evil, before hiding behind the southern secret door and waiting for the PCs to appear.

These tactics are explained in the module; the hiding will give him a 4 in 6 chance to surprise rather than the usual 2 in 6.

The party enter room 30, skirting the edges of the pit. They see a room daubed with blood, with the still fresh body of a warrior laying on a wooden table. As they start to examine the body, Petrides, a chaotic cleric, makes his appearance surprising the party! He's a tall, middle-aged man with dark hair and green eyes, clad in plate mail and armed with a mace and shield. He goes for Mikhail straight away, and just misses, which is good for Mikhail, as he'd probably have been killed.

The party just swings initiative on the next round. They mostly all attack and miss thanks to Petrides' plate and magic shield. Then Mikhail casts sleep, which allows no save, and Petrides drops in the most anti-climactic of manners.

The lawful members of the party insist that he be taken prisoner rather than slain outright, and this is done.

The characters finish looting everything, getting Petrides' plate mail, shield +1, mace +1, a fancy bracelet (150gp), and the key to the treasure chest in room 31. From the body they get chainmail +1 and a handout leading to B12, Queen's Harvest.

quote:

To the wizard Kavorquian:

Urgent and grave news! Peril stalks the land. A force grows not far from here, commanded by one who walks in shadow with wickedness and madness.

Her mind is warped; she is exploited by one of cunning and evil among her followers. I was told by the mercenary who escaped her service that this "queen" determines daily to bring a harvest of death to the land…

In the treasure room there's a staff of healing, (which is really good at low levels - heals 1d6+1 hp per person, per day), some coins (350gp and 100pp), a fancy cloak (worth 100gp between the cloak and the gold clasps), and a chest which is trapped with darts (ThAC0 16, 1d3 damage on a hit), but can be unlocked with the key taken from the cleric. The chest contains a bag with 400gp, a
sack with 700sp, a bottle of odourless green liquid (a magical potion of levitation), and—in a wooden casket—a spectacular gold tiara set with emeralds and rubies which is worth 600gp per surviving character, so 3k in this case.

Between levels 1 and 2 of the dungeon, with the loot that they got, each character gets about 1868 xp (technically Adventurine and Praying Colin should have less as they were replacement characters) Adjusted for each character's prime attribute that's 2054 XP, meaning that Magda, Alex, and Praying Colin all go up a level, whereas Adventurine and Mikhail will probably get their's shortly into the next adventure. Alternatively, both Alex and Colin could give up some of their loot to push them over the level line, meaning the entire party would be level two for their next adventure.

Final thoughts
The basic plot of the adventure makes sense - Orcs discover undead beneath their caves, and so kidnap local cleric to deal with the undead and provide healing for them when they start doing orc stuff. The non-combat orc-wives and babies in level 1 of the dungeon is a bit of a mis-step IMO; the presence of orc babies rarely leads to good things in games.

The challenge doesn't seem particularly over-tuned, though if the party had the Elf rather than the wizard (possible if they only had four players) or Petrides had succeeded in his attack against Mikhail, the fight against him would have been a bit of a slog due to his AC of 1 (Everyone would need 15 or 16+ to hit him), and his two healing abilities - his own Cure Light Wounds spell, and a use of the healing staff in the treasure room.

Floor two is the weaker of the two floors, partly because the treasure is mostly back-loaded, and partly because there's an entire area (behind the rubble) which just exists to weaken the party if they try to be thorough in exploring.

Since there's no explanation for the body in room 30, I'd maybe have it be discovered either being eaten by the ghoul or carrion crawler (and if the party was seriously under strength giving them a chance to save the warrior) rather than just laying on the table; Petrides is too low level to raise dead, so he's got no reason to keep the body.

The GM advice is good given the era that it's from and despite what people claim about old school D&D being Fantasy loving Vietnam is geared towards helping the players have fun.

I have run the first level of this dungeon before and it went reasonably well. IIRC I only had three players, so I started them at level two which leads to a bit more survivability.

The follow up adventure, B12, is two adventures - a crawl in a wizard's basement, and an assault on a keep which seems to have a lot of moving parts encounter wise.

Just Dan Again
Dec 16, 2012

Adventure!

Ultiville posted:

Or how boring it is.

I get it's a genre staple but it really highlights how insufficient RPG playtesting usually is. Most folks eagerly wait for their turns, so "you don't get any of those for the rest of the combat" is just a terrible player experience.

It makes for an excellent opportunity to play Super Smash Bros and completely lose interest in the session. If you're dead you can at least roll up a new character and stay invested in the game a little bit.

Nessus
Dec 22, 2003

After a Speaker vote, you may be entitled to a valuable coupon or voucher!



Just Dan Again posted:

It makes for an excellent opportunity to play Super Smash Bros and completely lose interest in the session. If you're dead you can at least roll up a new character and stay invested in the game a little bit.
Yeah I find the absolutely biggest killer of any campaign is fights, because you are usually now spending twenty minutes waiting to take your turns. I've done live text RPGs which have a completely different energy because you can write out whatever dramatic action you want, but when it is "make six different physical dice rolls" it "sucks."

hyphz
Aug 5, 2003

Number 1 Nerd Tear Farmer 2022.

Keep it up, champ.

Also you're a skeleton warrior now. Kree.
Unlockable Ben


WARNING: SPOILERS ALL THROUGH THIS POST.

Second chapter. This opens with a few words to the new GM, amongst them an apology for the first chapter being rather railroaded. It does state that the second episode is looser, but that at the same time, you have to make sure the PCs reach a certain point in order to hand over to the next GM. If you have to, you might need to GM an extra session to get things to the correct point.

Second bit of GM advice: start using GM-initiated flashbacks to link the players together. Make them appear in each other's flashbacks, relate events in them to each other, and also start to drop hints that actually they weren't necessarily nice people. Knowing how players prefer to play heroic characters this could very well be rather unpopular with the players, but of course it's necessary to set up the "this is hell" reveal, which is going to happen this session.

So, anyway. Here's Rebecca. She's still an rear end in a top hat. She won't answer any questions about what happened to her. The reason she's called the PCs is because she actually works for one of the major casinos, the Swords, and she's heard that someone is planning a major raid on the vaults of one of the casinos - which could take that casino down - but doesn't know which one, and she needs to know if it's hers or not. In addition to keeping an ear to the ground, she has one other thing for them to do: head into the desert, catch a coyote, and toss it into the same foundations where she was going to be buried. As before, she'll provide a car.

But this time, as the PCs are leaving, they also get handed an envelope by a security guard. The envelope contains a note that reads: "If you bring my book, I will help you. Come tonight. H."

So, the PCs are off to hunt a coyote. There's relatively little guidance for this, except:

quote:

This coyote (and there is only one coyote they are trying to catch, the same one over and over) is not in fact the common coyote canis latrans, or even the less common carnivorous vulgaris. Think of it more as a roadrunner. Who's the coyote? The personae are. Beep beep, assholes.

This is supposed to be a comedic moment to make up for the horrific moment that's coming up later this session. So, yea, I'm sure there are GMs who could make a drawn-out process of failing to catch a coyote fun, and players who might enjoy the process rather than getting frustrated and annoyed, but I don't know many of those players and I don't think I'm one of those GMs. And also, yes, it's yet another "nothing happens until the players get bored, then the next story beat comes on", and as you might guess the next story beat is that they catch the coyote. If they decide not to bother, go back and crash and tell Rebecca the coyotes around here are ridiculous, she'll be very unimpressed, and they will also completely derail the plot.

Because what we need them to do is this: the PCs will catch the coyote. The PCs will take the coyote to the construction site, but it's different now. All the lights are off, there's two figures talking in the base of the pit. There are also guards hiding in the shadows. Guards with guns. The PCs will sneak up to the pit to hear what the two figures are saying, and it turns out, they're two of the bosses of major casinos. Straight up demon lords. They are talking about what happened here last night, and they have a bunch of points to drop:

  • The construction site is for the building of a new casino.
  • The charming folks attempting to bury Rebecca Oh in the foundations were attempting to curse that casino.
  • "A Pikadon" has arrived in the city, and is looking for something.
  • These guys have also heard about the robbery Rebecca told the PCs about.
  • They really want to know if the three events are connected.
  • The three events together are an attack on "me, you, and the Swords". This means it came from "the Cups, the Wheel, or the Hermit."


That last line should inform the players that these are the bosses of the Coins and the Wands. The PCs have not heard of the Hermit before. But they do have that note in their pockets signed "H". Hmm.

As for the "Pikadon"? Well, they won't know it now, but that's the angel who's come to protect the Innocent, and that's what the nuclear blast was - the Pikadon arriving. Half the reason why everyone's interested in the PCs is that they arrived at the same time as that happened, and since Pikadons hardly ever show up, nobody really knows that the PCs aren't the Pikadon themselves, nor whether or not they're connected to it. "Pikadon" isn't a Biblical name or anything like that, it's Japanese psychopoeia for a nuclear explosion (basically "flash-boom"). Why the heck is a Vegas-themed hell using Japanese psychopoeia? God only knows. It does make me think what a hellish Akihabara would be like, though. (Probably just the actual Akihabara.)

At that point, the two bosses start to walk away, and the PCs move to find out what they're saying. At that point, the GM has to make a fake draw and then declare by fiat that they've been spotted and are promptly charged at by a terrifyingly huge man charging from the edge of the pit. Remember how they said we'd meet a Head of Security next time? This is him. His name's Bullneck. He's not nice. He's big. He's got a gun. But he's a security guy and he isn't actually interesting in killing them. The PCs either run away, or he has a threatening conversation with them where he recognizes the clothes coming from the soup lady and mentions he can smell something strange on them, and tells them to get the hell out before he kills them, and then they run away. If they don't, he backhands them across the face, but..

quote:

(I mean he'll try, do it with the cards, but he's a local and his hands are like baseball mitts)

See, the problem is that this guy is going to appear a bunch of times this session as a major threat, but.. well, he's another local. He gets a wildcard. He's not any stronger than the guys who were at the construction zone last time were, and there were two of them. The Fugue book does mention that a really exceptional individual might get two wildcards, but the adventure doesn't list Bullneck as such as individual. I'm just intensely amused by the idea of Bullneck trying to slap a PC and then the PC pulling a Fool+World combo and feeding him to the moon.

Ok, time for secrets. Bullneck is not letting the PCs go because he is nice. Bullneck has smelled something strange on them: recently poured concrete, and Rebecca Oh's perfume. He's just deduced there is a not-insignificant chance that these are the guys who tried to bury Rebecca at the site. He's letting the PCs go because he's going to have them tailed, and assuming their next step is to go and investigate the note from "H" (who is indeed the Hermit) then he'll start telling his bosses and their bosses that the PCs did attack Rebecca and they are working with the Hermit.

Now, let's see all the ways this can go wrong.

  • If the PCs attack or kill Bullneck, then all the other guards on site will see what's going down and open fire. The adventure simply states that this is an almost certain TPK so "don't let it happen".
  • If the PCs don't bother eavesdropping on the conversation, they never hear about any of this stuff, Bullneck never follows them, and the next section of the adventure doesn't make any sense.
  • If the PCs eavesdrop on the conversation but don't move to pursue the bosses when they walk away, then ditto; Bullneck never spots them, never follows them, and the next section of the adventure doesn't make any sense.
  • If the PCs had any flashbacks where they remember being stealthy, tough poo poo, it's still a fake fiated draw to avoid being spotted.

If the PCs decide to come back later, the lights are back on, the bosses are gone, and the place is better guarded. Oddly, the adventure doesn't say anything about what happens if the PCs actually go ahead with attempting to bury the coyote in the foundations like they were supposed to. It's probably going to be tricky, and it doesn't really make any difference. Of course, if the PCs give up here then all the time they spent catching the coyote was for nothing. Hurray!

The PCs might want to go check in with Rebecca now, but it's the middle of the night (yea, they took the whole evening chasing the coyote) and she's not at work, so it's probably a good time to go follow up on that note. What about the book? That's one of the books the PCs took from Bob in the first session, and right now it's at Nate's, but getting it isn't too hard; whenever the PCs get to Nate's, he isn't in, and the waitress remembers them and is sufficiently ditzy she'll unlock his office for him if they just ask. Both the book and the note both have marques from the Silver Cloud casino, helping the PCs connect them and also telling them where the meeting's going to happen.

The Silver Cloud is a burned-out wreck if the PCs happen to go to it at any moment before this; if they go this time, it's still a burned-out wreck, but there's a single elevator working that takes them to a beautiful and furnished penthouse, where they can meet the Hermit. Actually, it's the same security guard who gave them the note. Well, ok, more than that - the Hermit is Hades. He won't tell them that, but the elevator thing should tell them this is something big.

(By the way, while typing this I kept getting "Hermit" and "Hades" crossed in my head and typing "Hermes", which I suppose would be accurate for a greek god, but I couldn't help imagining him as a Jamaican bureaucrat.)

Hopefully, the PCs brought the book. If they don't, he's kind of upset, and hopefully they can get the book to him before the night's over. Because, as was suggested at by the GM advise at the beginning of the chapter, this meeting absolutely must happen. The other derails might be recoverable. This? Nope. So let's hope the PCs are really the types to trust a completely random note passed to them by a random person. In Hell. Also, if the PCs attack the Hermit, he just disappears, and the entire plot is hosed.

Still, the Hermit's much nicer than everyone's been so far. He knows a ton of stuff, will share at least a bit of it, and is genuinely interested in what happened to the PCs in the desert. He can tell them that the fact they appeared in the desert means they really pissed someone off (people arrive in all kinds of places, even just arriving into their own hotel rooms). He's seen Pikadons before, but he genuinely doesn't know what it is - there was no such thing as an angel when Hades was around, after all. But he knows it's powerful and here to do something. And he also knows very well about the rumored robbery that Rebecca told them about.

That would be because he is the one planning the robbery. Guess who he wants to commit it?

Not yet, though. He's going to sort out a bunch of help for them first, and he doesn't know which casino he needs robbed either. What he wants is a very valuable thing that's somehow "made of chips" which is in one of the vaults, and he wants it because he thinks he can use it to kill the Pikadon. At the same time, there'll be high value chips there that the PCs can use to buy their way up the black elevator - and he'll explain the thing about the physical weight of chips making the high value ones especially important.

And at that point, someone starts coming up in the elevator. Bullneck has followed them here. (Can the PCs notice him doing so, lose the tail, send him to a false lead? No, no, and no, in that order.) The Hermit lets them out the fire escape, tells them to "volunteer for the tithe run" at the end of the day, and says he'll keep in eye on them. If the PCs for some reason try to go back in, there's no penthouse, and it's a burned-out husk again, except with a pissed-off Bullneck and three demons. There's also four other demons surrounding the building.

At this point the adventure assumes, very strongly assumes, that the PCs are either going to run, or play cat and mouse with Bullneck in the ruined casino and then run. Like before, Bullneck's guys won't shoot to kill unless the PCs attack first. It suggests playing out a chase with the cards, but god knows how that even works given there are no examples of contested actions that aren't combat. So, yea. There's a reason why I reviewed this in the middle of a chain of GM advice books. None of them have ever said how to run a tense scene like this without either system support or reducing it to obvious fiat that shreds engagement. If the PCs get in a fight, they'll probably die and adventure over, and they might also kill Bullneck which screws up the next event, but.. oh, never mind.

Also, at some point Bullneck trashes the PCs car - when they try to get into it, if that's where the ran to, or off-camera if they headed for one of their safe houses. For some bizarre reason, his goons also leave his car behind with the keys in the ignition, where nobody else takes it. In Hell. This is because the adventure really, really wants the PCs to find that Bob Munker is tied up in the back of Bullneck's car. He's been banging his head on the inside of the trunk and knocked himself into insensibility, but he's there.

So, the PCs head to one of their hotels, get some sleep, meet Rebecca again in the morning. Hey Rebecca, you're still not telling us anything, are you. Yea, the coyote thing, we buried it, or maybe we didn't, but it doesn't matter. Shall we tell you about the Hermit? That sounds like a pretty terrible idea, but if the PCs do it, she'll just encourage them to play along until they find the target then let her know and they'll get promoted. What she will tell them is who Bullneck is, and offer to calm him down for them. She will also tell them of a more pressing problem. Nate has disappeared, and she's afraid he's been taken to Harry Spicer's out of town. Head there and see if they can find anything. Ok, Rebecca. Off we go.

Remember we talked about how the comedy section earlier was meant to offset the horror coming later? This is our horrific moment.

"Harry Spicer's" doesn't exist. It's a strangulation of "Haruspices". Haruspices are fortune-tellers who attempt to divide the future by looking at the entrails of sacrificed animals, usually sheep or poultry. Neither of those exist in Vegas (don't ask where the soup and steaks come from. No, seriously, don't ask, there's no explanation). Guess what they use instead.

But, hang on, when you kill a person don't they turn into casino chips? How can you examine their entrails if their body's disappeared? Well, you have it not disappear. How do you do that?

Oh. Oh.

Nate's entrails and organs have been extracted from him alive. He obviously can't survive that, but they've made sure he's dying as slowly as possible, so as to have maximum examination time. His constant agonized screaming is a distraction they have to put up with.

The PCs don't get much of a chance to react before they find out who the Haruspices' client was; he's in the back room. It's Bullneck, of course. Usual story, couple of goons with him, and he opens by firing a few warning shots but isn't shooting to kill. Unfortunately, this time someone else is driving past outside and hears shooting, and decides to shoot back with the automatic weapons they keep in their car. Before long it's a full-on lethal firefight with M-16s, machine guns and shotguns blazing. How do we play this out? What do the PCs do? Well, again, god knows how this is supposed to run with any agency. Seriously, someone tell me.

Running outside will get the PCs shot, so the safest thing for them to do is to go cower in the back office with the actual haruspices themselves (no, neither of them is called Harry Spicer, they're both women). They'll tell the PCs that they work for whoever hires them; that their facility is supposed to be a DMZ where there's no confrontations because it's a "sacred place"; and that the reading they got from Nate was, guess what, "great change is coming". They won't do a reading for the PCs, partly because that's a pretty horrid thing for them to suggest and more because they're both shellshocked and too expensive for the PCs anyway. They have a bunch of knives the PCs can fight with, and a bow - the first hint that hey, humans can use ranged weapons, just not guns. It's not mentioned in the adventure, but I suppose it's possible that the PCs decide to kill the haruspices to make sure no-one else gets tortured that way - a bit pyrrhic but it doesn't break anything (if the PCs come back to the haruspices after this scene, it's boarded up and empty either way)

So, blazing gunfight outside, PCs cowering, how do we make this fun? I have no bloody idea. They might want to go out and fight Bullneck I guess, they can do that if they want, but only at huge risk. How many hands of cards are we drawing per round? It doesn't matter, anyway, becuase the end of this session of the PCs watching NPCs killing each other is one NPC killing all of the others. Except that this particular NPC glows so unbearably bright that he can't be looked at without leaving afterimages on your eyes and gives you sunburn by being near him, and sets all of the demons here on foul-smelling fire just by showing up, then disappears leaving glowing, burning footprints. The Pikadon has just put in another appearance and cleaned house.

So: Nate's dead, by catching a bullet during the firefight. Bob's still in the trunk of the car outside, and the burning demons can still set light to cars, so it might be a good idea to get him out and put him somewhere he can get better (he was going to be the next sacrifice but no-one told him that). The Pikadon apparently just showed up personally to help the PCs, which will make the PCs the #1 persons of interest in town to anyone who finds out about it. And people are going to find out about it, because almost an entire casino's worth of security demons just died in burning holy fire.

Back to Rebecca's. Hey guys. I just got a phone call saying that there were multiple deaths at Harry Spicer's, you know, that place I just sent you. Was that you? Basically, if the PCs tell her about the Pikadon then now they're Very Interesting People; if they claim to have done the killings themselves then now they're Very Interesting People because they managed that; and if they don't, then they're not but it doesn't matter because the same thing happens either way. Rebecca wants them to go over and help the Wands with their tithe run - that's when the smaller casinos send 10% of their take to their patron casinos in cases full of chips - because funnily enough the Wands is suddenly rather short of security staff. They need to go report to the new Head of Security at the Wands, a lady called Romanov. There's a message waiting for her from Bullneck telling her about the Hermit and the PCs, but fortunately she hasn't gotten it yet.

Compared to what just happened, this final section of this session is a bit weak. Romanov gives the PCs some chips to gamble with so they're not obvious on the casino floor and they hang around watching people with big attache cases passing through a red studded leather door. Of course nothing happens until the last one, where two guys come in with cases, two regular tourists attempt to jump them, and six other undercover security folks attack them. The PCs are not supposed to get involved in this, though. What they're supposed to note is that the second courier goes in through the red door, and someone who's been in hiding follows him in.

The PCs, hopefully, follow as well. If they do that, they find what's here - a counting room, stacked with chips, but none of them higher denomination than a 20. There's a demon security guard here in a standoff with the guy who darted in the door, and oh my god, it's Doug! Uh, who? Doug? Doug the guy who the PCs maybe gave the tape from the car to in the first session? Doug? Who? Eh, it doesn't mean anything. Fight him or let the guard do it. He's got a crossbow, so he gets one shot, but we still have no clue what that actually means or does in the combat system.

Apparently the big reveal here is that the Tithe Run is all low chips and is largely a sham, a fact that is entirely useless. This is probably because it's a distraction from what the PCs are actually meant to learn, which is the existance of the counting-room, and the fact that it contains a locked green door and an ominous looking conveyer belt. If any of the PCs is daft enough to jump down the conveyer belt, they're out of the game until next session. If they all do then, um, uh, game over I guess. Remember that time with the big green demon face?

There's two other important things to happen. One of them is that one of the PCs gets handed a card by Romanov, not one at random, a particular one. This is a set-up for one of the more infamous "gently caress you" moments in the adventure. The second thing is that one of the security guards tells them to "check their trunk", and if we think this might turn out to be the same guard who passed them a note earlier, ding ding, gold star.

What's in their trunk? Black suits. Pressed shirts. The kind of nice stuff that casino staff wear. Guns (which they can't use) and holsters, and a note that "their destination will be in hand shortly". But the PCs can't leave the casino right now, because the Strip's closed, because the bosses' motorcade is coming in. The PCs should probably go see the show. And if they do, they'll immediately recognize the bosses by name as they walk down the red carpet.

Mammon, Asmodeus, Beelzebub, Belphegor and Satan. And Satan looks right at one of the PCs, shoots them with a finger-gun, and walks in. End of session.

So. I can see how the narrative of this session is supposed to flow, and I can see that the structure it's building is good. What I can't see, and can't get on with, is the interim structure. We essentially have two scenes here - the coyote hunt and the gunfight at the haruspices - which basically come down to "the PCs do whatever, they don't really have a lot of choice or direction, and then either things suddenly go right or everything is resolved for them". And I just have no clue how that works. I suppose for a GM that was a really talented storyteller that might be enjoyable on its own (and there's a reason why James Wallis also wrote Once Upon a Time and Baron Munchausen, he is a really talented storyteller)? Or, heck, if it's a celebrity GM then the selling point would just be that you're getting to see what they do? Or maybe it's just not how you're actually supposed to do it and you're supposed to improvise a bunch of alternative stuff? I don't know. I'm really asking here, honestly.

By the way, whoever runs the next session had better be a goddamn one-percenter of talent, because 75% of that session is another event of exactly that type. I might even end up having to do sessions 3 and 4 together because most of session 3 is just a description of stuff that could happen in that scene and I'm not going to transcribe the whole thing, c'mon, this isn't that old a book.

hyphz fucked around with this message at 19:10 on Jul 14, 2019

By popular demand
Jul 17, 2007

IT *BZZT* WASP ME--
IT WASP ME ALL *BZZT* ALONG!


I kept getting distracted by the fact that "Pikadon" is in fact the Hebrew word for 'collateral, deposit'.

The adventure shows us once again the value of the GM planning 'wide' and not 'far', Alas Vegas is full of all sorts of places and NPCs which could have been combined on the run to all sorts of plots were they detailed and not used as boring rungs on the one ladder you MUST climb.

mllaneza
Apr 28, 2007

Veteran, Bermuda Triangle Expeditionary Force, 1993-1952




Goblinville Gazette #1 4/x




Part One

Part two

Part three

You, Goblins !

It’s time for the Characters chapter ! The players make their characters, and the group makes a start at defining the town and filling in the map.

Character creation is simple. Grab a sheet, a d6, and a d20. Each goblin does the first 7 steps by themselves, then it gets into group activities.

The first part of character creation has you rolling or choosing from 5 tables, choosing two trains, and a name.

First up is the goblin’s job. Roll a d20 or pick. The job gives you one item for your inventory; working for the witch gets you a unit of herbs, the trader gets you a pack, the woodcutter job grants a hatchet and so on. Your job gives you expertise which was discussed in an earlier update.

The age of the goblin; green-ear, roughneck, long tooth, or greybeard. This has no mechanical effect, it’s just character color.

Next you roll or pick your garb, you have one distinctive item of clothing or feature that your goblin is known for. A goat skull, striped pants, warpaint, eyepatch, goggle, and so forth. More color, but it goes in your inventory (more on that later).



Name your boss and choose or roll whether they: died, fired you, went broke, ran off, got kidnapped, or got tossed in the brig.

Then you come up with one defining experience from your job and choose or roll for tone; personal insight, trial by fire, motivating loss, humbling failure, modest accomplishment, indebtedness to another goblin (ask who).

Next you choose one trait based on your appearance (small, hairy, extra green, etc.) and one trait based on your personality (nervous, loud, grumpy, etc.).



Lastly, you choose your goblin’s name (Hoggle, Creeper, Blix, etc.).

At this point the process shifts to group activities. Each of steps 8-13 is done by each player in turn before moving on to the next step.

At number 8, each goblin takes a turn telling the group the story of their experience and answering any questions about it. The rest of the group gives you a 1-4 word title to reflect the experience. The title must imply that something happened, good or bad, like Exile Witch, Friend to Thieves, or the Unburied.

Next, the goblins take turns introducing themselves, working out how they know each others and why it’s this group of friends or relatives going on adventures together.

Then the esteem trait is determined. The other goblins give you a trait based on what they think of your goblin and how you seem. Sagacious, Quarrelsome, and Reliable are the examples given. Traits and titles can be invoked once per session to grant an extra die for an action roll.

Everybody then takes a turn deciding their goblin’s outlook; how they see the world, what they think of running into monsters, or other dangers, how they feel about their crappy job.

Now it’s the GM’s turn on the spot. The goblins get a round of questions for the GM, like what happened to their missing boss, where there might be treasure. The GM uses the questions to come up with an opportunity, and should definitely make note of what the goblins are interested in.

Lastly in the group phase everyone writes a goal for the session (don’t die, get rich, find their boss, change jobs, and so on).

Everyone then picks out some equipment and a weapon. the weapon choices are pretty basic for a starting goblin; club, staff, rusty knife, broken bottle, sharp stick, sling and stones. You all get some basic stuff, everyone will have 2 torches, 2 rations, and a full skin of grog. You also get a satchel (5 inventory slots) to put your stuff in.



You can choose or roll one more thing; 20 feet of rope, a small hammer, useful herbs, a rat, a spell and its components, or a burlap sack indicating optimism about finding more stuff soon ! If you got a spell, you have to roll to see which one.


The goblins are ready to go adventuring, there’s just a little left to do to fill in the world first.

On the town sheet, mark each goblin’s base location from their job. The GM chooses or rolls one more location to be open at the start of play. On the wider world map, put Goblinville itself near the center of the map in terrain based on which starting jobs are in play. Each player gets to choose one hex adjacent to town and decide the main terrain type for that hex (forest, river, tundra, jungle, etc.). Choose one hex and draw a road starting from town.

That completes preparation for play, the GM and the goblins are ready for adventure !

The You, Goblins ! chapter also has a discussion of inventory, which is important in the game. You have to decide where you’re carrying everything you have. You get slots for head, neck, your hands, feet, torso, belt, and pockets. Satchels, packs, and sacks take up one or two torso slots but let you carry much more stuff than you would otherwise.

And lastly, some player advice:

Get the most out of playing a goblin!

Keep in mind your goal and outlook. Pursue it, be obvious. Ham it up.
Respond to the other goblins' outlook. Say what you think of it.
Don’t push for rolls, push for outcomes. Trust the GM to call for a roll when there’s danger.
Try to come up with a clever solution to a problem. It might not require a roll.
Use your traits. Describe your key features and find ways they are useful.
Invoke your titles when you think they're appropriate. You'll earn more later.
Create Twists that bring the kind of trouble you're interested in.


Next up, the Town chapter !

Mors Rattus
Oct 25, 2007

FATAL & Friends
Walls of Text
#1 Builder
2014-2018

Sig: Manual of the Primes
Capitalism, Ho!



Hex, by Kira Magrann
Beliefs
All deals are negotiable.
All paths lead to ecstasy.
All experiences lead to knowledge.

Hex is a flying city in a world of infinite sky, built on top of the skeleton of a long-dead monster. Entry into the city is through the beast's massive jaws, large enough to let through just about anyone or anything. The entire skeleton is strong as stone, yet much lighter, and of a scale that dwarfs even the most massive creatures of most other planes. Looking out over the edge of the skeleton to the massive sky beyond is known to induce vertigo in travelers, who are advised not to do it. Gravity is slightly lighter than on most worlds, and there is always the faint sense of motion, as if the skeleton were gently spinning around. The city itself has no official maps by design, to encourage travelers to get lost into it. It is hard to tell what section is in what part of the skeleton once you're in the interior - ribs and tail are much alike in shape. The place is packed with people of all kinds, both travelers and street vendors alike. Many scents and sounds fill the air, particularly the smells of sandalwood, myrrh, sage and tea. Tea flows freely from spigots installed into walls, typically with tiny cups offering travelers free drinks. Drumming and dancing are also frequent, as the celebtraitons never seem to end.

The bone skeleton of the beast that is Hex's frame makes up a constant in the architecture. The darkest, deepest regions, near the extremities, are home to many fragrant smoking parlors, their cushions ready for guests and their hookahs prepared with all manner of intoxicants. These areas are very warm compared to the cooler upper levels of the city. The middle areas are mostly cafes, casinos and open-air markets. Tile games are favored over cards, and items are not placed on open display. Instead, illusory holograms are used to advertise wares, which are kept hidden in shops. Every deal involves contracts, made in whispers and signed carefully - coin does not change hands in Hex. Not directly. The uppermost levels are built on top of the skeleton itself, full of pools, cloud viewing areas and gardens. In theory the area is for meditation, but given the various ingredients used in the tea of the city, much of this meditation is just being high as balls. Pillows and blankets can be found to rest in some areas, and the locals seem to not care about modesty, either, at least while high.

The natives of the realm are mysterious and often terrifying to visitors on first meeting. Their skin ranges from blue to mottled orange or pitch black, and their bodies have eyes in strange places much of the time. Wings, fanged maws, claws and similar are also not uncommon; the only true unifying features they all share are that they are broadly humanoid and made of meat. Artists often attempt to capture their likenesses, as in memory their appearance tend to blur and shift. The name these people go by is hard for must humans to pronounce, but 'daemon' is a close enough approximation that they accept it. They are highly conscientious hosts who like to welcome people, make them comfortable and offer them a chance to relax. Hex is a tourist-dependent city, and the daemons display little of their own internal culture for visitors. They keep their internal society to themselves, and they refuse to speak openly about their origins, though they're happy to joke around about why they won't say it.

The contract is king in Hex. Once someone has made a deal to do something, they will continue doing it until you tell them it is too much or not enough, whichever the case may be. Everything is a deal and exchange for the daemons, sealed by a whisper and signed in blood. Everything is documented this way to avoid future problems or disputes over the terms of deals. Somewhere in central Hex is a court to handle contractual disputes, though visitors rarely see it. Fortunately, they rarely need it - for all the secrecy about the daemons, their customers are rarely very unhappy. The terms of each deal are strict secrets between the parties involved, though some things are permitted to be shared in order to make the place more appealing to tourists. Daemons are universally nonbinary beings, using 'they' and 'them' as pronouns, and they are happy to trade any service they have - though what they want varies. One might ask for a secret from your childhood, never before told to anyone, for example. In return, it might give you a chance to use a hookah until you decided you'd had enough. (Or 'too much,' as the phrase goes in Hex.) Those who reveal more than the simpler deals they make are not permitted to return to Hex.

The biggest danger facing visitors to the city is their own knowledge of their boundaries. If you do not know when to stop, the daemons won't stop for you. Those who push themselves too far are treated in medical areas through Hex, where salves, bandages and comforting words are prepared for the wounded. They care for anyone and do not shame them for any deal they made, no matter how strange or painful the thing they were seeking. Anyone who leaves the daemonic medics receives a gift - a sign, the daemons say, that they learned something new of themselves. Those who try to take unfair advantage of deals and any visitor caught making bad deals are kicked out of Hex unceremoniously and quickly. Some try to get away with scamming and last a few weeks without getting caught, however. The daemons warn visitors to avoid making deals with shady humans.

The Plane of Shadow is very close by, bringing secrets, whispers and mystery. With it is the Plane of Lore, which ensures that it is a rare visitor who leaves without learning something new about themselves. The nearest plane, however, is the Shard Realm of Ecstasy. The nearness means that sensation, experience and especially joy and delight are vitally important to the daemons of Hex.

Next time: Iron Cities, by Emily Griggs

hyphz
Aug 5, 2003

Number 1 Nerd Tear Farmer 2022.

Keep it up, champ.

Also you're a skeleton warrior now. Kree.
Unlockable Ben

By popular demand posted:

I kept getting distracted by the fact that "Pikadon" is in fact the Hebrew word for 'collateral, deposit'.

The adventure shows us once again the value of the GM planning 'wide' and not 'far', Alas Vegas is full of all sorts of places and NPCs which could have been combined on the run to all sorts of plots were they detailed and not used as boring rungs on the one ladder you MUST climb.

I have a distinct feeling that what's happened here is similar to what kinda happened with Over The Edge - you've got some really good storytelling GMs making up plots on the fly, then they have to write up their adventures and settings for Joe Public to run, and they either leave them to do to the same improvisation but suck at it because they don't have the same talent, or write up the stuff that just comes naturally to them but thus create a railroad enforced by the difference in detail and quality if by nothing else. I'm not sure if there's any way around it.

Angrymog
Jan 29, 2012

Really Madcats

hyphz posted:

I have a distinct feeling that what's happened here is similar to what kinda happened with Over The Edge - you've got some really good storytelling GMs making up plots on the fly, then they have to write up their adventures and settings for Joe Public to run, and they either leave them to do to the same improvisation but suck at it because they don't have the same talent, or write up the stuff that just comes naturally to them but thus create a railroad enforced by the difference in detail and quality if by nothing else. I'm not sure if there's any way around it.

I think you might be right. Alas Vegas run by Wallis and friends for Wallis and friends was probably great fun. Going by your writeup, they just didn't leave enough guidance for anyone else to do the same thing.

hyphz
Aug 5, 2003

Number 1 Nerd Tear Farmer 2022.

Keep it up, champ.

Also you're a skeleton warrior now. Kree.
Unlockable Ben


WARNING: SPOILERS ALL THROUGH THIS POST.

Third session!

If you've been paying any attention, you already know what the third chapter is going to be about : the Casino heist. It's the majority of this session's text, and that's something when this is the shortest session write-up in the book, and 5 out of its 28 pages are about the consequences of the PCs learning that Vegas is Hell at the end of the last chapter.

First of all, there's the GM introduction to the stuff about chips and guns. The PCs don't ever get told these explicitly. Then there's a note that yes, the PCs are actually dead and so they can have flashbacks to their death if they want, and that either you or them probably ought to get started on flashbacks that might explain what the PCs did that they're in Hell - if they haven't been going that way anyway. If the PCs start getting cute and asking around about people's religions, then there's people from every religion here. Oh, and people haven't been telling the PCs that they're in Hell because anyone who knows it is treating it as an elephant in the room. Pretend you're not in Hell, pretend it's just actual Vegas for a bit and it's what it's always been, and maybe you'll believe it.

And then there's like three pages about story beats, where the author's writing this, and how much he likes Nordic LARP, before we get to the actual adventure text.

So, we have two things to do before we get to the heist. The first is to introduce the one remaining big character the PCs haven't seen: the innocent trapped in hell. We haven't introduced them yet because we're hoping that the flashbacks the PCs have had so far have mentioned or introduced someone they've referred to who can fill the role of the innocent; but if not, it's just someone they know. At some point before the heist goes down, the PCs are going to see glowing footprints - the Pikadon's - leading them to a particular room in the hotel in the Labyrinth casino, which is where the innocent has been sitting and/or sleeping practically catatonic since the PCs arrived. And the reason they are catatonic is because they don't see Vegas. They see the full bore rocks, flames, chains, devils, and screaming souls of actual Hell. The Pikadon told them to wait here for people who would know what to do, which is probably a surprise for the PCs.

Apart from meeting up, there's not a whole lot for the PCs to do with the innocent at this stage. They can take them with them, but they're going to be bugger all use on a heist and they're petrified of practically everything. The PCs also really need to be on board with this at this point and make sure that none of their flashbacks involve backing the innocent actually be not innocent. If the PCs don't follow the Pikadon's footprints, then the Innocent doesn't follow its instructions either, leaves the room and wanders around, and the PCs see them freaking out on the street.

The second thing to do is a visit to Count Your Blessings. The PCs will find a card mysteriously appeared in their wallets or pockets or purses for this place, which offers to "restore luck and refresh spirits", and including a packet of pomegranite seeds (a Hades reference) with a note to add to water. Hopefully the PCs head there (and if they do that directly, then they'll find their lead to the innocent on the way there). It's something akin to a church; well, actually a ritual bath. And the person in charge is Elvis (and yes, the PCs recognize him) only it's not actually Elvis, it's a somewhat mellower variant Elvis. Here, have this, because it's a quote that makes me smile whenever I read it:

quote:

An anecdote to give you an insight into who this guy is: when Elvis got out of the army, early 1960, Fort Dix, New Jersey, there was a scrum of reporters waiting to meet him outside the gates of the camp, throwing questions at him like buns at a happy but bewildered bear. Hey Elvis, you going to go on tour? Elvis, how did the army compare to the music business? What’s your next move? Hey Elvis, are you glad to be getting back to normal? And Elvis turns and looks at this guy, and says, ‘Sir, if my life turns normal, I’ll have to start drivin’ a truck again.’

I did look that up, and it is from an interview with Elvis in 1960, but the question was "Elvis, are you glad to be getting back to normal, or don’t you think your life could ever be normal?" which kind of changes the context a bit. The end of this section also hints that this mellow-Elvis isn't actually Elvis at all, it's Jesse Garon Presley, Elvis' stillborn twin brother. Let's not worry about what the heck a stillborn baby did to earn eternal damnation.

So, if they mention anything about the Hermit or the cards, not-Elvis will recognize them as the group for "the baptism" and instruct them on what to do in the ritual bath, which is basically to duck under the water and swim through a wide tunnel to the opposite side of the main wall. On the other side, there's a room which is the mirror image of this one, and another Elvis - but this one actually is Elvis, attitude and all - to pull them out. If they do that, hey, they feel really nice and mellow and happy and refreshed. Good for them.

Hopefully they remember the pomegranite seeds, and put them in the water. This makes the water turn oily and shiny, and not-Elvis will now be quite upset and demand 500 in chips from them as compensation for polluting the pool (if they don't have 500 he'll take all they have, but he can be haggled down; although there's nothing on what happens if they just don't pay, or attack him for some daft reason). Through they go, real-Elvis pulls them out on the other side, but now something's different. They don't look or feel the same. Real-Elvis will give them a note telling them that they now have an hour to pull the heist, their target is the Wands, and the Hermit has men on the inside.

What has actually happened is that the corrupted baptism has disguised the PCs as demons for an hour. They look like locals to everyone in Vegas, like full-bore horns-and-tails demons to the innocent, and for that period they can use guns as much as they like, get automatic wildcards on their tests, and generally do demon stuff. Unfortunately, we're a bit unclear on how the PCs find this out. The only clue that they are demons now is that their shadows are darker, something which is mentioned in the overall GM notes as a way of recognizing demons, but it's not supposed to be highlighted. If it hasn't been then there could be a bit of a problem here as the PCs have no way of knowing what's actually happened. If a PC doesn't want to go through the corrupted baptism, hey, cool for them, they'll get identified and blasted to poo poo as soon as they attempt to get involved in the heist.

There's one other thing - while the PCs are being baptised, they have a flashback. The GM prompts them on it: they have a flashback to the worst moment of their life. That can be their own death or not, but they have to think of it quickly. If you have cooperative players they'll take advantage of this to tie themselves to the innocent and to being in hell. If you don't they'll probably bugger everything up.

So, yea. Demons for one hour. If the hour runs out too soon, the PCs are buggered because they can't get any more pomegranite seeds. So they'd better get their asses to the Wands, huh?

There's one other optional thing. You probably noticed that last session paid an awful lot of attention to Bob Munker. There's a reason for that. Remember how he wanted to tunnel into a counting-house? Well, astute players will have noticed that he therefore knew about the existance of underground counting-houses. He knows that because he used to work in the Wands, and if he's asked, he'll tell them the little he knows about what's beyond that green door (amazingly the adventure never mentions striking up the Jim Lowe song) in the counting-house the PCs saw. It's the vault, where all the chips are kept underground, and there's underground tunnels connecting all of the casinos. Again, astute players will reason that this is where the real tithe run happens, and they would be right. Bob does not know what is actually in the vault, though.

So, anyway, the Wands. (By the way, if the PCs decide to play nice with Rebecca - to do what she asked, go back and tell her that it wasn't the Swords they were told to target - then we have no clue what happens. In fact if they betray the Hermit in anyway beyond this point then everything's probably blown.)

This is the bulk of the session this time, but unfortunately, it's really awkwardly structured and hard to run. The PCs go into the casino, go through the red door to the counting-house (it's propped open and a new security system is being installed, but because demons will recognize the PCs as demons, the guards there are inclined to let them through), then go through the green door to the private employee area (which will require a fair bit of bluffing even from demons, or a bribe, or a stolen ID card, or just sodding it and killing everyone in the counting room). The green door leads to the underground connecting tunnels, and also to the staff lounge. Better hope those demon disguises hold up there, because everyone in the staff lounge is one. It's pretty nice, upholstered, there's bars, there's demons hanging around sipping drinks and nibbling on ribs. Human ribs. Do we remember what the haruspices had to do in order to keep Nate's body parts from just turning into chips?

Here's where the PCs can meet the Hermit's plant, Sheen. And they'll recognize him, because (assuming they got away) he was one of the demons burying Rebecca in the foundations earlier. He'll also quietly, and subtly, let them know he's working for the Hermit and he's there to run interference for their escape. (He won't tell them why he was burying Rebecca, and it wasn't the Hermit who told him to do it. The adventure doesn't tell the GM at this point, but I will: it was Satan. He still thinks he's pulling this as a two-man scam, remember?) Sheen's never been to the vault either, but he knows it's "pretty traditional".

There's a couple of doors off here. One of them leads to a tunnel leading to the Wheel, with a gate the guard won't let them through unless they have a drat good reason to need to go to the Wheel, which they don't.

And the second door leads to a twisted factory, lit by blazing sulphorous fires under vats of chips being melted down. Those chips, of course, are soul fragments, and the lucky individuals who own those souls get to feel themselves melting down. There's ear protectors outside for the screams. The molten chip-liquid is drawn off onto scurries and tipped into moulds to create bricks, girders, guns, cement, ashphalt, and pretty much everything that's modern in Hell; and then carried up in freight elevators to warehouses. Everything's iron, everything's hot and unpleasant, nothing is safe, most of the work is being done by luckless humans with demons on hand to make sure everything's fine, by which we mean spot anyone who stops working for whatever reason, beat them to death with crowbars and toss their chips in the hopper.

Only the highest value chips get put in the actual vault, which is suspended by chains from the ceiling. Anytime a PC looks at it, it looks like some kind of building from one of their worst flashbacks - ideally the "worst thing that ever happened" one they just had. Inside, the lowest chip is a 200, but the PCs probably aren't going to have time to maximise their takeage. And the thing the hermit wanted? It's a unique single, a completely black crystal with no number, heavier than it looks. The book says it's "like picking up a silver dollar that you know is made of pure plutonium" and I can't put it any better or shorter than that.

So, the PCs have to somehow distract others from seeing them (there's no central alarm system, though), either climb up into the vault or winch it down (there's a winch mechanism but the Vault being lowered is pretty bloody obvious), clean out the vault, then escape. How the hell (ha ha) are they supposed to do that?

They are not.

Literally all the section says is that there's no way this is going well for the PCs, at some point they have to get into the vault and get the black crystal and some chips, and they might possibly try and rescue some of the human workers too (very risky but not impossible, although shutting down the entire process is not an option) but inevitably they're going to end up being captured or beaten or shot at or both, and also their disguises are likely to wear off, and the PCs are going to realize that they are totally hosed, and then there's an enormous crash and blast and something like an earthquake rocks the whole site. Hoppers spill over, the vault rocks back and forth and chips start to slide out from it, anything vaguely powered goes out. Again, the PCs get to hang around hopeless in the darkness for a bit before they discover a bricked-over doorway and break it down, and they can sprint out, and find themselves half-way up a cliff in the side of a chasm.

A newly formed crevasse is splitting all of Vegas in half along the line of the Strip, long enough to stretch far into the desert. The power is out, the lights are off, the casinos are closed, places are falling down, the demons have taken the opportunity to declare open war between rival casinos so there's a fight or a burning car on every corner, and it's raining big, heavy splats of vaguely acadic water that smells of burnt plastic.

Ok, let's deal with these in order. There's a ton of confusion over the black crystal in the adventure, but the implication is that it isn't actually "made of chips" like the Hermit said. It's a single chip. It's a single chip dropped by some bastard who killed eleven million people, although there's only a few "chip readers" in town who can actually work that out, and most of them will be loving terrified of the black crystal - even actual demons don't like it. The players will probably theorize about who dropped it, and only one character in the adventure can tell them that. No, it's not Hitler or anyone famous, it's "a random associate of Mao"; not Mao himself, because hell counts deaths that you were involved in or on your conscience as well as ones you directly caused.

Unfortunately the adventure repeatedly refers to it as containing "eleven million souls", even after establishing that it doesn't contain eleven million souls at all, it contains one soul with eleven million memories.

Now, what happened outside? The answer is: the two most powerful beings in this world, Satan and the Pikadon, got into a fight and caused rather a lot of collateral damage. The chasm? Satan straight up powerbombed the Pikadon into the ground. The PCs were busy doing the heist at the time, which is good for the GM because he or she did not have to describe what happened, and good for the PCs because they did not become part of that collateral damage, which actually wasn't entirely collateral (neither the GM or the players have learned this yet, but remember from the summary that Satan wants to get rid of the Vegas version of hell, so this was a pretty great excuse)

The PCs probably want to head to meet the Hermit at the Silver Cloud. That means crossing the chasm. Hopefully they'll come up with some way to do that. Unfortunately, there's a major gunfight going on at the Cloud, and the PCs disguises have dropped and they can't use guns any more. If they investigate the fight, they'll see that amongst it - not shooting, but on one of the sides - is Rebecca. She'll tell them that the fighting is because the casinos on each side of the crevasse are trying to claim territory on the other side in order to dominate trade, that she's found out the Hermit is behind it, and a moment later some detonation charges wrack the Silver Cloud and it plummets into the canyon. Also, Rebecca dies from an overdose of gunshots.

Basically, all that's left for the session is for the PCs to find somewhere to hole up in the chaotic city, it can be basically anywhere that's not any of the major casinos, just an empty house will do. If they take inventory of their haul from the heist, then without the black crystal it's 1.17 million, which is only enough for one trip up the elevator. After a few moments, the power comes back on, and the TV and radio are saturated with news of what's just happened, including pictures of the PCs. And then there's a knock on the door. It's Romanov, the Head of Security from the casino they just did over. And it's also her boss. Belphegor. A full-blown demon lord right there. Ocrap. End session.

So, like I said, this is unquestionably the hardest session to run of them all because it's focussed on the heist and that's just one giant impossible scenario with a deus ex machina at the end. The adventure actually says that, in heist tradition, everything ought to go wrong for the PCs, which is going to be pretty discouraging for the players and also stretch things a bit. Like I said before, part of the problem with adventuring in Hell is that it ought to be oppressive and terrible. You don't get breaks. If you get breaks they're one-in-a-million and you don't get a second. But here the PCs have to do something that ought by rights to get their souls flayed for a couple million years, and it has to go wrong, but not get them killed or anything. That's going to be really hard, and if your players haven't gone in for collaborative storytelling in the previous sessions, they're going to be very nonplussed here.

hyphz fucked around with this message at 00:07 on Jul 15, 2019

juggalo baby coffin
Dec 2, 2007

How would the dog wear goggles and even more than that, who makes the goggles?



exalted is the most Magical Realm poo poo to ever exist. I looked up the Infernals book (cause i'm tiresomely interested in monster type pcs) and you get hit with some of the most magical realm poo poo ever right out of the gate. Magical realm poo poo that should really put the creator on some kind of watchlist.

quote:

This is the sourcebook for SICK SATANS who stole their drat Exaltations and KEEP THEM IN A LITTLE GIRLS PUSSY ITS FREAKIN EDGYYYY. When you become a Sick Satan you either turn all demonic like Hellboy or into some type of Super Hot Sex Nun. Then you go to HELL CITY where The Gathering of the Juggalos happens every day to welcome you! Your boss is an even bigger, Sicker Satan and if you Mess with him he will gently caress You Up (these are all important game terms we will NOT explain till you've read the next 50 pages of fiction about how sick Satan City is).

[50 pages later]

If your Mess meter gets too high, you will roll on the gently caress You Up table. All the options are rape based, but this will vary with your Sicker Satan patron. For example, Twisted Sicko Psycho Clown does Clown Rape, whereas The Exalted Bug King Of All Gross Bugs will bug rape.

anyway i closed that pretty quickly and looked up the abyssals, who aside from their two appearance options being 'Sick Skeleton or Hot Cold Broad Like Lady Death', had a much more understandable motive of wanting to destroy the entire world of exalted.

Joe Slowboat
Nov 9, 2016

Higgledy-Piggledy Whale Statements



Yes, I literally called out second edition as having some vile poo poo. That particular chapter of Infernals is something fans would warn each other to just skip completely.

Luckily that's not our current edition, which I still haven't seen a citation for Magical Realm anything that made it into the books.

Mr. Prokosch
Feb 14, 2012

Behold My Magnificence!
Yeah, you're not in any way wrong, but the Internals book is considered the worst poo poo in the whole line. It's like judging D&D by the Book of Vile Darkness or The Book of Erotic Fantasy.

Exalted 2e is still full of that poo poo, but in weaker doses more like the abyssal book.

juggalo baby coffin
Dec 2, 2007

How would the dog wear goggles and even more than that, who makes the goggles?



Joe Slowboat posted:

Yes, I literally called out second edition as having some vile poo poo. That particular chapter of Infernals is something fans would warn each other to just skip completely.

Luckily that's not our current edition, which I still haven't seen a citation for Magical Realm anything that made it into the books.

im not roasting you personally man im just saying exalted 2e is a magical realm

Libertad!
Oct 30, 2013

You can have the last word, but I'll have the last laugh!




We got plenty of lions and a few imported baers, but no tigers! The final chapter is by far the longest, taking up 25% of the book’s content with nearly 60 new monsters, all but a few with their own artwork. For obvious reasons I’m not going to go in-depth on specific monster types, but will holistically cover what I can. Here’s the table on the monsters by CR so you can get a feel for their intended power levels:



Existing Creatures

In this section we include both monsters from the core rules as well as the broad monster types. The entries are overall brief, with some such as the chimera and dire animals getting a surprising amount of detail. A few are reflavored to fit the setting, such as chaos beasts being servants of GuDuGu and chokers being engolo monks corrupted by evil magic. Some interesting tidbits:

  • The JamIkadi of Nibomay keeps a stable of chimeras as pets.
  • Dire animals are more common than elsewhere, and instead of dire wolves Nyambe has dire hyenas. Dire bears live in the Kuba Taaba Mountains, likely imported but nobody has any idea of the responsible party.
  • Dragons were the only race not created by the Overpower, instead born of the world itself. This gave them the ability to naturally work arcane magic. As part of their deal with creating the Sei, Ramaranda the Diviner taught them how to use divine magic, so all Nyamban dragons can choose spells from the cleric as well as sorcerer/wizard spell list, which more easily makes the Summon Dragon spell “Summon Spellcaster” at higher levels.
  • Ethereal Filchers and Ethereal Marauders are servants of orisha sent to respectively steal items from or attack those who fail to make proper sacrifices. As such they are known as shadow thieves and shadow warriors.
  • The Greco-Roman monsters (hydras, harpies, medusa, etc) are personal servants of various fiendish orisha and often have specific tasks. Hydras guard Zombi’s temples, harpies procreate by killing women and mating with men at the behest of Molamu the Seducer, medusa are known as anath and are Amazons corrupted by Zombi’s magic, etc. Gorgons are an exception, being the cursed forms of humanoids who committed the crime of bestiality.
  • Genies, lammasu, and manticore hail from the Near East, and Sphinxes once had an unknown relationship to the Water People given that they now tend to avoid humanity.
  • MbUi were once humans infected with werehyena lycanthropy, but became a race of their own when they ended up locked into their hybrid forms for unknown reasons. They are statistically identical to corebook gnolls save they have better Armor Class due to better equipment and natural armor.
  • Ogres are known as dimU and believed to be the reincarnated souls of those who committed infanticide.

New Monsters

Boman are the descendants of the bat who swallowed the frog in the Mythical Ages, thus preventing people from learning the secrets of resurrection. They all bear this sort of original sin, now invariably evil creatures who can drain the blood of those they bite. Anyone killed by boman are forever denied the ability to be resurrected (but can reincarnate).


Chepekwe are small elephant-like creatures who radiate good luck and have some utility spells. They are friendly and helpful to those who do not bear the taint of evil.


Demons of Nyambe are servants of the fiendish orisha, and we get 3 new ones: Djok are murderous entities who can possess the bodies of animals and vermin colonies, and all n’anga of animal orisha can detect them and know a special chant to force them out of a possessed body. Kerit are fire-breathing gorillas who lurk in the most remote areas of the bIda rainforest, their howls capable of literally draining strength. Ngojama bear three mouths, two on their palms designed for enhancing their natural claw attacks.

Devils of Nyambe are the more lawfully-inclined fiendish orisha servants. The Buraka act as spiritual advisors and tutors to mchawi wizards and radiate an aura of bad luck. Chimiset are cowardly bird-like things who kidnap children and livestock by luring their prey in with hypnotic songs.

Dingonek are intelligent elephant-sized monsters who bear the head of a lion and body of a crocodile. Their scales can be made into masterwork armor, and while they normally prey on herd animals they hate it when humanoids violate their hunting grounds.

Eloko are short fey who love the taste of humanoid flesh and bear magic bells capable of charming their prey. They often gather together in groups, and as they do not possess racial hit die and advance in classes they can technically be played as PCs...although they are a bit strong given they have some pretty nice ability bonuses to all but Charisma, good Spell Resistance, natural armor, and two bonus feats.


Engargiya were used as pack animals in lands outside of Nyambe-tanda, but were turned into fierce war mounts by Kwo and are now extinct in the rest of the world. They are like heavy warhorses, but have stronger claw attacks rather than hooves, darkvision, low-light vision, and scent which make them great trackers. They are Beasts rather than Animals, and only the most determined riders can master them due to their sloped backs, imposing a -5 penalty on all Ride checks.


Entare have the head and lower torso of a lion, but the arms and upper torso of a human. This makes them incredibly strong, and alongside the Shombe are the most infamous warriors of the tUbi Grasslands. They gather in family-based clan units and have a variety of melee-based abilities such as pounce, rake, and improved grab along with scent, making them excellent ambush hunters as well as warriors.

Getiet look like an orc/gorilla/cheetah hybrid, the descendants of kosans who long lost their vaunted status. They are overall rare but gather in bands to attack small groups and lone travelers. In spite of having opposable thumbs they are incredibly stupid (6 Int) and haven’t really comprehended how to use weapons and tools, instead relying on their fast sprints (300 feet per round once per hour) and rending claws.

Glowing Frogs are tiny heroes dedicated to fighting the forces of evil...that is, if they had any reliable offensive powers. Instead they do the next best thing, finding other creatures to aid in this honorable endeavor. They can use telepathy and bear inherent psionic abilities focused around utility and debuffs.


Guiafario are flesh-eating flying squirrels who can attach to bitten victims and damage them over time. Somehow their picture is both terrifying and adorable...adorably terrifying.

Ingogo are the other “degenerate kosan” race, appearing as human-sized baboons. They’re smarter than the average orc (12 Int) and have mchawi as their favored class, but one would not ordinarily tell as they mostly communicate in swear words with outsiders. They can use handheld tools and weapons and also can throw their dung as a ranged touch attack which can impose the worms disease on those struck.

Kongamoto Dragons are an animal-intelligence “protodragon” which look like pterodactyls and likely included in this chapter to give low-spellcasters with Summon Dragon the ability to summon something useful. They are typical hunters, eating fish and small animals near rivers, and some lucky few have trained them to carry messages across great distances. They have a sonic-based breath weapon and the typical claw/bite attack.


Canonically, Kosan Orcs are extinct, but starts are provided for DMs who want some isolated bands still around or for certain rumors from Chapter 11. They’re physically identical to orcs but are smarter and take better care of their personal belongings. They have racial hit dice and can cast spells as though they’re 4th-level mchawi (which can stack if they take levels in the class). While they prefer to rain magical devastation down on their opponents, they can make for tough “warrior-mage” types.


Lau are one of the most powerful and infamous creatures in all of Nyambe. They are gigantic snake-like beasts, possessed of great intelligence and bear poisonous tentacle-like spines. Nobody knows their origins, and the rumored “king” of the Lau is a Colossal-sized 30 Hit Dice being 100 feet in length (most Lau are Gargantuan, around 40 feet)

Lobir are non-intelligent flying invisible constructs created by the spell of the same name, and appear as small insects or cones of metal to those who can see invisible creatures. They are very squishy (6 hp) but they have a boatload of natural defenses: in addition to flight and invisibility, their Armor Class is a stellar 27, and they have 20 Spell Resistance and Damage Reduction 15/+3. If they hit a victim with a touch attack they can burrow into their skin, dealing 1d4 Constitution damage per round, and they can only be dislodged via a Heal skill or powerful healing magic of at least 7th level.

The dreaded Malata Plant is 4 monstrous stat blocks in one, each creature bearing a symbiotic relationship to the whole. They are otherworldly beings from one of Da’s coils, who survive by turning nearby communities and ecosystems into mindless servants. The “trunk,” or heart of the expanded network, appears as an 80 foot tall baobab tree with a maw-like opening, capable of creating nearby plantlife such as thorn bush walls and minions. Malata plant seeds are tiny fibrous husks with bat-like wings which can grow into new trunks in mere days once they take root somewhere. Malata plant vines are the “hands” of the trunk, appearing as 20 foot long vines which can constrict prey and manipulate tools. Finally, the malata plant warriors are humanoid-shaped extensions of the trunk, connected by a stem to the trunk or a nearby thorn bush wall, dying if the stem is severed.


Mangabangabana are a race of humans who became separated in two due to an ancient curse. They move around by flying through the air and feed on the flesh of humanoids, with children being a favored prey. Mangabangabana are natural spellcasters, learning and preparing spells as though they were 8th-level mchawi, and have an 18 Spell Resistance.

Mlularuka are flying jackals, keeping aloft on warm updrafts in the savannah. They are not directly dangerous to humanoids but do steal food and small items by swooping down from the air.

Mngwa are feline predators about the size of mules native to most of the continent. Some have scythe-like fangs which make for powerful natural weapons, and they can be domesticated.


Mokele M’bembe goes by many names due to their fame as gigantic dinosaurs native to the swamps and forests of the continent. They avoid contact with humanoids, but they are big enough to capsize boats (which they commonly mistaken for edible fish) and their flesh is highly poisonous, capable of killing most humanoids within a minute.

Morou-Ngou are elephant-sized amphibious felines who have scales instead of fur. They are also semi-intelligent (Int 4) and can magically generate whirlpools and strong currents in nearby bodies of water to waylay prey.

Mpisimbi are a magical crossbreed created by MbUi priests long ago to serve as hunting and guard animals. They look like yellow and black-striped leopards with the speed of a cheetah and a crafty intelligence (5).


Ndalawo are leopards who died from undead known as shadows. They are incorporeal and create spawn, its form either a mere shadow or a fellow Ndalawo depending on what they kill. They are very deadly, possessing the pounce ability and claw attacks in addition to a Strength-damaging touch.

Njenge are goat-like beings with magical powers, causing nearby plants and crops to grow rapidly from soil they magically enrich by mere touch. They slowly die in captivity, meaning that while villages welcome their presence they do not attempt to constrain their movement.


Nommo were the aquatic race who taught the Mbanta people the art of psionics and astrology, and the latter humans’ legends teach that the Nommo came from the stars (aka Spirit World). Nommo society is split into two factions, one good and the other evil, who went to war in the Middle Ages. Their mighty clashes caused the earthquake which sank the Mbanta homeland as well as forced the kitunusi and utuchekulu above-ground. This disaster caused the nommo on both sides to take more subtle approaches in future conflicts. They are capable of shape-changing into humanoids and have some natural psionic powers along with a decent 20 Spell Resistance.

Reliquary Guardians are tiny cat-sized constructs bearing equally-small weapons. They are built by the Hutali people to guard over the remains of their ancestors, animating whenever someone approaches the container of a corpse save for those related by blood. They can supernaturally track the location and distance of a deceased charges as well as their remains and possessions, and have a poisonous bite attack.


Rom are a race of stone giant ghosts who perished during the earthquake which brought the utuchekulu to the surface. They haunt their dwarven enemies to this day, and are thus the greatest obstacle to the utuchekulu’s attempts at digging back home. Rom are incorporeal but can throw and catch incorporeal rocks which hurt just as much as the real thing, and their club attacks cause Constitution damage. They are powerless in sunlight, keeping them solidly underground most of the time.

Ronga are goblin-like faeries native to the Shadow World, and only ever appear in the heart of the bIda Rainforest when they do visit the material plain. They are unpredictable, capricious creatures, sometimes helping and attacking the very same people over the span of a day. They have a host of tricky fey-style spell-like abilities such as blink and silent image.

Samat are the powerful ancestors of the yuan-ti, just like the Kosan are to orckind. The Samat civilization were allies to the Kosans, unconquered due to their alliance with Zombi the Serpent Lord just as the Kosans were favored by N!ok the All-Seeing Eye. The Samat were slaughtered as well during the Great Rebellion, their survivors fleeing over the ocean to the Far East. They look nearly identical to yuan-ti, and the only ones within Nyambe-tanda are mummified in ruins of the bIda Rainforest. They can be resurrected if a major artifact is touched to a ceremonial shield in the mummy’s hand, or that of a living humanoid creature (who will die from having their life force absorbed). Once awakened, they will work to resurrect their brethren, growing in power over time with the goal of taking over the continent.

Statswise the samat have a host of psionic powers as well as an assortment of snake-like abilities and natural weapons. Their skin can naturally produce acid which damages those who touch it, and can create a long-lasting mental compulsion which forces targets to flee from them and other serpent-like beings on a failed Will save.

NSFW Strategically-Placed Deer
Sao are a race of pacifist giants, so they live in the deepest reaches of the bIda Rainforest in order to avoid conflict with other humanoids. They claim to be one of the oldest races created by the Overpower, although there is little evidence to support this theory. Although physically powerful, they only enter combat as a last resort. Most of their spell-like abilities revolve around nature and helping them hunt, and can intuitively cast the fabled Arrow of Slaying/Phase Arrow spells as well.


Tuyewera are a type of flesh golem created by mchawi wizards. They are more subtle, human-sized rather than Large and intended for covert assassinations. They are naturally invisible at night and possess Sneak Attack and Death Attack (save or die a struck opponent if you first study it for 3 rounds) in addition to the typical construct immunities.


New Animals & Vermin

This section is light on new artwork, unsurprisingly. A lot of the new animals are for stats of existing real-world creatures or altered versions of corebook ones. Thus our “new” animals and vermin include the following: the war camel is a stronger version of the standard breed with more Hit Dice. War Elephants are similarly advanced versions of typical elephants, who deal slightly more damage and have more hit points. Flightless Birds are meant to cover ostriches and similar species, possessing a bite, kick, and even trample attack where they can knock down multiple creatures in a charge. Giant Poisonous Frogs are exactly what they sound like, and not much needs to be said about Gazelles who are weak and virtually harmless but quite fast.

Giraffe are Huge animals but overall quite weak (Huge yet CR 2 and don’t deal full STR on kick/gore attacks). In a D&D twist they formed a symbiotic relationship with the Formians, ant-like extraplanar outsiders whose scouting party got stranded in Nyambe due to a failed invasion attempt. The formian scouts live in acacia trees of immense size, and the giraffe sometimes feed from these trees. As a result, most hunters do not target giraffes for fear of incurring the formians’ wrath.

Hippopotami are quite dangerous and strong, possessing a nasty bite attack, and are often hunted as their natural oils make for excellent sunscreen.

Hyenas and Jackals use wolf and dog stats respectively, although hyenas have a rare chance of their encounters containing actual treasure nearby due to them being scavengers lured to dead bodies. Vultures are often domesticated by monster-hunters for the purposes of tracking down undead. Zebra use pony stats and are inoffensive animals. There are Giant versions of toads and snapping turtles, the latter of which has a very high Armor Class and can retreat into its own shell to gain Cover bonuses (and which can be made into masterwork shields when defeated). The dreaded Pumina Snake can grow up to 60 feet in length, fond of grappling prey and pulling it into the water to drown.

Our two new vermin include the incubus beetles and mulilo. The former are said to crawl into the wombs of sleeping women and impregnate them, the child growing to perform great feats of legend. As such they viciously attack and feast on the flesh of men but are harmless to women, meaning that some Amazons keep them as pets or for warfare purposes. The mulilo is an elephant-sized snail who can spit a stream of mucus which can stick creatures to nearby surfaces like glue.

New Monster Templates

Animal Shapechangers are not lycanthropes. Rather they are animals capable of assuming the forms of humanoids. They have all the natural features of their base animal type, but their roars, laughs, and howls can act as per-day AoE debuffs depending on the sound. They can shape-change into a humanoid or hybrid form, and can regenerate damage and lost limbs like a troll which can only be overcome by fire or a specific “bane material.”


Barozi are mchawi reincarnated into the forms of animals. The “base” stat block is that of a normal predatory animal of an equal or lesser Challenge Rating than the deceased mchawi’s class level. The barozi in turn gains the ability to mentally dominate animals of its type (which then develop a taste for humanoid flesh no matter their normal diet), can pass through torn bush walls without harm, sense the presence of all humanoids within one mile, and can cast all of the Mchawi spells they knew in life. The last part is actually very limiting since most animals lack the anatomy for verbal and somatic means of casting spells. Fortunately the barozi can overcome these limitations by gaining enough Hit Dice to get a humanoid voice at 14 HD and even temporarily assume humanoid form at 16 HD.

In fact, finding the way to gain humanoid form is a great boon: they can mate with fellow humanoids, their souls transferring into the new life once it births with the barozi’s original form disappearing. They have perfect recollection of their former barozi and pre-barozi lives, instantly regaining all their former levels and thus cheating death. Even better, this form of “resurrection” is not limited by a percentage failure chance.

For PC-conscious builds, a barozi can continue to earn XP and gain mchawi levels, or alternatively advance one HD as a Magical Beast every time they’d ordinarily gain a level.

As you can see, this template is a bit of a mixed bag. On the one hand, the lack of verbal and somatic casting is a huge punishment which won’t be overcome easily. Silent and Still Spell metamagic feats can overcome this, but the +2 effective spell level is pretty harsh to put on almost all of your prepared magic. As the templated animal keys to Challenge Rating rather than level/hit dice, getting to 14 Hit Dice may be sooner than usual depending on the animal type you pick.

But on the other hand, certain animals can have some pretty powerful abilities which can make for a nice warrior-mage build (Pounce for a lion, Constrict for snakes) and the d10 Hit Dice and physical ability scores of said animal make up for the common dump stats of wizards.

There are many new Lycanthropes in Nyambe, including the werehyena, werejackal, wereleopard, and even the infamous werelion! Werehyenas are wicked and cowardly, werejackals are benevolent and honorable creatures who fight their more wicked shape-changing cousins, while wereleopards all belong to the Leopard Cult. Werelions come in Lesser and Greater breeds. The Lesser werelions are neutral and their hybrid forms look like entare, while the Greater werelions are Lawful Good and can take dire lion form. The latter are hated by the entare, who send warrior parties to hunt down and kill suspected sightings. Greater werelions are naturally born, incapable of transmitting lycanthropy to others.

Malata Plant Servitors are slow-moving, animal-Intelligence hosts who have been infected by a malata plant trunk’s controller thorn. Their skin becomes green and emerald-colored veins sprout throughout their body. They basically become living zombies with the plant type and only take half damage from piercing and bludgeoning weapons.


Mwanga are “false vampires,” living creatures cursed to crave the blood of others. The original mwanga was a warrior who struck a devil’s bargain with an animal orisha to become a better hunter. He got his wish granted...and then some.

Mwanga become Aberrations, gaining vampire-like features such as a blood-draining bite attack, a charm-based gaze attack, and the ability to infect others by draining them of blood and mentally enslaving them. They can transform into a leopard, dire bat, or dire rat.


Terkow are Nyambe’s “true vampires,” skinless undead who must suck the blood from others to replenish their fast-draining supply. They can skin their victims and disguise themselves as ordinary humanoids, even gaining the ability to walk in direct sunlight due to this. In addition to typical blood-draining abilities they cause those they drain to death to rise true zombis or fellow terkow depending on their Hit Dice. Terkow lose 2 hit points per day from rapid blood loss but can wear a victim’s skin to partially nullify some of their weaknesses. Finally they are deathly vulnerable to salt water, being damaged by it as though it were lava.


True Zombi gain their title from the fiendish orisha of the same name. Zombi is so closely associated with undead in general that the most common kind has become synonymous with the dread orisha’s title. True zombis are a stronger version of the typical “zombie,” created only via magical Zombi powder or by a member of the Zombi Cultist Prestige Class. The base creature gains typical zombie traits, but the major difference is that they’re still intelligent and under complete control of their necromantic creator. They also have Fast Healing which can only be negated by fire, acid, salt, or holy-based weapons and attacks. In fact, salt is so dangerous that they cannot abide even its mere touch, and a Magic Circle Against Evil imbued with salt can ward them off regardless of their alignment. They are also mute, meaning that raising martial types over spellcasters is preferred. Finally, true zombis retain their original alignment, but their lack of control forces them to take evil actions by their creator. A rather horrifying loophole!

Thoughts So Far: Overall I like the new monsters. They tend to vary in quality; I found the new animals and “big brute” monsters rather uninspiring, but really like the creatures with a non-characteristic role. Creatures such as the Njenge serve a more folkloric or non-standard role that doesn’t boil down to “hunt the monster,” while some of the non-evil intelligent ones such as the Glowing Frog or Reliquary Guardian can be tied to a greater quest nearby. I did like how some of the monstrous entries such as the Nommo and Samat did some implied world-building by referencing earlier historical and political events.

I can also see some inspirations in the monsters in regards to the other two “Fantasy Africa” games I reviewed. The tormented state of True Zombis is similar to Spears of the Dawn’s Eternal, while the Malata Plant monsters are quite similar to Southlands’ Green Walker minions. The Barozi is the only PC-friendly option, but even that needs some care as the choice of animal can leave a mchawi (anti)hero crippled, and all but mandates Silent and Still Spell for said class’ build. The only truly-friendly PC race is the ingogo, as the other monsters which advance by class have a host of abilities which can be unbalancing for most campaigns.

Concluding Thoughts

Nyambe is overall a good setting. The Third Edition ruleset means that it has not aged well, but still remains a unique treasure amidst the smorgasboard of third-party worlds. Its world is more piecemeal, with big-picture conflicts and legacies of days gone by for Dungeon Masters to build upon rather than having plots set in stone. In comparison to Spears of the Dawn and Southlands it does not have the robust “create your own adventure” sandbox of the former, nor the intimate level of localized details of the latter.

It is rather lacking in a “big evil empire/cult/etc” and other major antagonists, the greatest evils confined to desolate corners of the world. Meanwhile, the greatest foes are often all-too-human political ambitions and folly. Even then there’s enough cool little things in both the rules and the world-lore to add to your own games, and it should not be very hard to convert Nyambe to the Pathfinder (1st Edition) system.

Finally, the author provided us with a handy bibliography which he used as inspirational material:



I’d like to thank everyone for reading this far with me. I’m going to take a break from Let’s Leads for the foreseeable future, but I hope that I left you all with an entertaining review and a potential setting to explore!

Libertad! fucked around with this message at 03:08 on Jul 15, 2019

Hypnobeard
Sep 15, 2004

Obey the Beard



Does Alas, Vegas ever explain why it feels the need for four GMs? Based on the stuff hyphz' is relating, it feels like you'd be better off with one GM, so you could lace hints for all the stuff the players are supposed to figure out ~somehow~ throughout the chapters. Or is it supposed to be some metagamey thing where previous GMs now impart the sekret information to the party sneakily?

Angry Salami
Jul 27, 2013

Don't trust the skull.

Libertad! posted:

Chepekwe are small elephant-like creatures who radiate good luck and have some utility spells. They are friendly and helpful to those who do not bear the taint of evil.

How small are we talking? Because a little cat-sized good luck elephant sounds adorable.

Libertad!
Oct 30, 2013

You can have the last word, but I'll have the last laugh!

Angry Salami posted:

How small are we talking? Because a little cat-sized good luck elephant sounds adorable.

Medium, so a pony rather than a full-grown horse. I meant 'small' in relation to actual elephants. Dunno if I should reclarify or not.

juggalo baby coffin
Dec 2, 2007

How would the dog wear goggles and even more than that, who makes the goggles?



Libertad! posted:

I’d like to thank everyone for reading this far with me. I’m going to take a break from Let’s Leads for the foreseeable future, but I hope that I left you all with an entertaining review and a potential setting to explore!

thanks for doing this, im surprised how well an africa-themed setting was pulled off. i was expecting something much, much more offensive, but this seems cool.

PurpleXVI
Oct 30, 2011

Spewing insults, pissing off all your neighbors, betraying your allies, backing out of treaties and accords, and generally screwing over the global environment?
ALL PART OF MY BRILLIANT STRATEGY!

Mr. Prokosch posted:

Yeah, you're not in any way wrong, but the Internals book is considered the worst poo poo in the whole line. It's like judging D&D by the Book of Vile Darkness or The Book of Erotic Fantasy.

Exalted 2e is still full of that poo poo, but in weaker doses more like the abyssal book.

When your weaker doses is "spousal abuse and/or literally loving animals to make ubermensch soldiers" in the more core books, I'm not sure there's really that big a difference from the "best" to the worst.

Libertad!
Oct 30, 2013

You can have the last word, but I'll have the last laugh!

juggalo baby coffin posted:

thanks for doing this, im surprised how well an africa-themed setting was pulled off. i was expecting something much, much more offensive, but this seems cool.

Yeah. It's actually quite nice to see these good examples, especially as old as Nyambe is (2002). I did notice that where publishers did good, it was most often the case of someone who dedicated an entire sourcebook as opposed to a mere region in a larger gazetteer. Nyambe, Southlands, and Spears of the Dawn all reflect a diversity of terrain and cultures without feeling one-note, and when your "worldbook" or whatever has precious few page space for individual countries some areas are going to suffer from lack of detail. One of the largest criticisms against Paizo was that their Mwangi Expanse hinted at a variety of civilizations and places, but it was more telling than showing...along with the fact that the AP set in the region, Serpent's Skull, had minimal contact with any indigenous Mwangi or so I hear. And WotC's own Tomb of Annihilation was...well, this.

Although Paizo indicated that their analog will be getting an overhaul in 2nd Edition. Let's hope it can measure up to the third party standards.

I had plans on doing Svimohzia the Ancient Isle, a more gritty and low-magic Fantasy Africa setting in Kingdoms of Kalamar, but it's been harder to go through for various reasons. Those of you who know KoK are familiar with the obsessive detail it can have on REALISM. And for those who don't, well it's one of the only 3.X settings which had an adventure where the PCs were Commoner farmers tending to their land and has a noticeable lack of supernatural terrain because the world was modeled based upon real-world climatology and tectonic shifts.

On that note, I'm thinking of comparing and contrasting the three F&Fs I did of "Fantasy Africa." I'll write up a more detailed post tomorrow, it's getting late where I am.

potatocubed
Jul 26, 2012

*rathian noises*

Libertad! posted:

And WotC's own Tomb of Annihilation was...well, this.

This is my absolute favourite part of that article:

Xiahou Dun
Jul 16, 2009

We shall dive down through black abysses... and in that lair of the Deep Ones we shall dwell amidst wonder and glory forever.



My (probably very charitable) hypothesis of what happened with Alas, Vegas :

This was done by an experienced group of collaborative storytellers doing round-robin GMing and making the story up on the fly with lots of improvising, then they basically just transcribed what they came up with. This might be my own weird reading/errors or just getting information second hand, but I'm getting the impression it's not "designed" to be a railroad ; the author(s) never thought about most of the possible branching paths because they didn't come up during their game.

It would also explain the garbage math of the system since if you only played it once, you might not notice how the probabilities are totally hosed long term.

But I'm quite probably making this up. Just a random take from someone who hasn't even touched the actual book.

By popular demand
Jul 17, 2007

IT *BZZT* WASP ME--
IT WASP ME ALL *BZZT* ALONG!


The thing I'd be most pissed about if I bought Alas Vegas is that good intentions aside the end product is only functionally equivalent to any half-assed babby's first RPG game that we've laugh at ITT.

Is this Early Access on pen and paper?

Humbug Scoolbus
Apr 25, 2008

The scarlet letter was her passport into regions where other women dared not tread. Shame, Despair, Solitude! These had been her teachers, stern and wild ones, and they had made her strong, but taught her much amiss.
Clapping Larry

Xiahou Dun posted:

My (probably very charitable) hypothesis of what happened with Alas, Vegas :

This was done by an experienced group of collaborative storytellers doing round-robin GMing and making the story up on the fly with lots of improvising, then they basically just transcribed what they came up with. This might be my own weird reading/errors or just getting information second hand, but I'm getting the impression it's not "designed" to be a railroad ; the author(s) never thought about most of the possible branching paths because they didn't come up during their game.

It would also explain the garbage math of the system since if you only played it once, you might not notice how the probabilities are totally hosed long term.

But I'm quite probably making this up. Just a random take from someone who hasn't even touched the actual book.

Sadly, this was a James Wallis solo thing...at least that's the impression I got from the KS updates that he sent out. At least I'm guaranteed to get a copy of Far West when that's released as part of a deal Wallis made with GMS! (Not a joke, it's actually a thing)

Mors Rattus
Oct 25, 2007

FATAL & Friends
Walls of Text
#1 Builder
2014-2018

Sig: Manual of the Primes
The Soul of Iron



Iron Cities, by Emily Griggs
Beliefs
Society is more important than the individual.
I against my brother, my brother and I against strangers.
War brings honor and glory.

The Iron Cities are not, perhaps, the safest prime. They are distrustful of outsiders on first meeting, though they are aware that Sig exists and, if you can manage to explain you’re from off the world, they’re not going to enslave or kill you out of hand. (You will likely spend a bit of time being questioned by the guards before you can get that information across, however.) The eponymous cities themselves are nestled in black mountains, and their thick walls and high towers are often built right into the mountain stone, blending easily with it. Within the fortifications, the buildings are a mix of stone and worked iron for the finer ones and clay and reeds for lesser ones. Frescos and carvings decorate every building, displaying scenes of glorious battle. The locals eat heavily spiced, simmered meat and a sort of nutty grain that grows well in the mountain soil.

The Cities have been at war for as long as any can recall. Each city-state brokers peace treaties and alliances, but at any given time, each is at war with at least one other. All citizens are expected to be fit and able to handle a weapon, and nearly every aspect of the Cityfolk culture is influenced by war. Their art, poetry, politics and even fashion are all touched by their martial focus. Despite the unending conflicts, however, the Cities share a consistent culture (broadly, anyway) across the entire prime. While they differ on details, to an outsider, each city-state is very similar to their foes. Social roles are strictly based on gender roles, but not the genders recognized by much of the ‘verse. As children, the Cityfolk are divided into male and female based on their bodies, as so often happens on less enlightened primes. However, boys and girls are not raised with any noticeable difference. This is because at age 15, their childhood gender is discarded as part of their coming-of-age ritual, in which they choose their adult gender: hon or tae.

The tae are marked by sharp and angular facial tattoos. Their role in Cityfolk society is to be the warriors, leaders and quick thinkers. They are those that do. Only tae may become soldiers, and all tae are expected to enlist. Tae earn honor by combat, by which ter names live on. (The pronouns for the tae are ta/ters/terself.) Officially, only tae may be appointed to public positions of any power, but pretty much all tae politicians are heavily assisted by equally capable hon spouses. The hon are marked by soft, swirling facial tattoos. Their role is to be philosophers, long-term planners, crafters and home-makers. Hon wield power and gain honor in Cityfolk society via homs family, and surnames and inheritance pass through the hon. Only the hon are permitted to become artificiers, and those with a talent for magic are educated in the art of unlocking the power that lies in metal. (The pronouns for the hon are hy/homs/hyself.)

For non-locals, it is acceptable to use they/them to refer to either tae or hon. This is considered to be a mark of low intellect, as you are unable to recognize the facial tattoos, but outsiders are permitted to be idiots. It is preferable to them being offensive. Using male or female pronouns is exceptionally offensive in actual practice; it either implies the person you are talking to is being immature, which is a grave insult, or implies you are interested in reproduction, which is a very audacious come-on. Outsiders are recognized as usually using male or female gender, but are seen as perpetually immature as a result; it takes many years before one’s friends will honor an outsider by giving them an honorary adult gender. (There is, of course, an extensive genre of Iron Cities comedy revolving around misunderstandings of gender and pronoun usage. Outsiders rarely learn to grasp its subtleties until they’ve had quite a bit of time among the Cityfolk.)

The locals prefer outsiders who “know their place,” which is to say, who do not attempt to draw too much attention and who apologize readily. These are seen as interesting curiosities and possible friends. All other outsiders are dangerous threats. While some outsiders believe they can use the rivalries between cities to their advantage, they’re usually wrong; the Cityfolk are far faster to unite against a common foe, even if it means working with a city they’re at war with, than most outsiders expect. Why, though, would you care to be liked? Well, typically, it’s for the magic items made by the Cityfolk, which are unique in the ‘verse in that they grow stronger over time. Tools forged of Iron Cities metal absorb the skill of their users. Thus, when they are passed on to the next owner, that skill can be tapped. A child wielding an antique blade of the Cities will fight like a trained soldier, and a soldier will fight like a legendary warrior. Obviously, giving an aged and well-used artifact to an outsider is unthinkable, but it is possible to convince the Cityfolk to trade freshly made ones.

The only religion of the Cityfolk is ancestor worship, but they do so with such passion and fervor that many Powers are eager to make inroads into the prime. As yet, no religion has ever been able to supplant the hero-cults and ancestral veneration of the Cityfolk, but some theorize the nature of the Iron Cities metals is drawn from a divine source. This theory suggests that the metals are a physical part of some secret, hidden god, a god that gains power from being forged and exalted in combat, and so the use of the weapons and tools in honorable means may itself be a form of worship. If so, the Cityfolk do not know of their secret patron, and the theory isn’t really testable by easy means.

There is a cultural conflict within the Cities that even outsiders can see looming. The younger generation of Cityfolk are generally concerned with the closemindedness of their culture, and many locals believe that the time has come to make changes to their ancestral ways. While more conservative forces, especially in leadership, are afraid of outsiders who do not make themselves properly apologetic, others want to bring in more travel from off-world. The conflict between the powerful conservative elders and the younger, more openminded Cityfolk is, thus far, not yet truly begun. Many hope it will remain relatively peaceful, if they can show that outsiders do not actually threaten the ways of the Cityfolk, but the Iron Cities are prime of wars.

The Plane of Stone is very close to the Iron Cities, its power enriching the mountain ores and hiding many secrets within the high stone. The Plane of Tyranny is likely relatively close as well, given the xenophobia and aggression the Cityfolk have historically been known for. The Plane of Shadow is more distant, but the nature of growth in the Cities’ artifice suggests some manner of connection.

Next time: Mountain Royal, by Jason Pitre

KirbyKhan
Mar 20, 2009

I purchased and 100%'d Huniecam so quickly that I still get friends shaming me over it. And I deserve to be shamed. But I did not praise the game. I called it fucked up. That's how fucked up it is: it's up there with Princess Maker as far as poster body counts.
Soiled Meat

Mors Rattus posted:

Sig: Manual of the Primes
The Soul of Iron



Iron Cities, by Emily Griggs
Beliefs
Society is more important than the individual.
I against my brother, my brother and I against strangers.
War brings honor and glory.



So much dense detail. How does any of this get to the table? Well, I suppose it all doesn't have to... But coming up with a through line to get 5 or so folks to tour through these worlds seems daunting.

hyphz
Aug 5, 2003

Number 1 Nerd Tear Farmer 2022.

Keep it up, champ.

Also you're a skeleton warrior now. Kree.
Unlockable Ben


WARNING: SPOILERS ALL THROUGH THIS POST.

The fourth, and final, session.

Also, while doing this I realized that for some reason I have two versions of Alas Vegas. The older one, which is also the print one, forgot to include the option to Stick in the rules for opposed action Blackjack; it said you "have to play a card". I had always wondered about that since I first read the print version. The other changes were that the UK Blackjack term "twist" was changed to the US one "Hit" (although the UK term is still used for "Sticking", instead of "Standing"), and for some reason all the ligatures were taken out.

So. It's time to wrap things up. At this point, the PCs should have had enough flashbacks that they know who they were and how they got to Hell. It's also important that they have an idea of exactly what they did to cause the Innocent to end up in hell; ideally, an actual deal with the devil. There's a neat twist here: if any of the PCs in a flashback mentions having interacted with Satan before, the GM jumps in and plays them, which never normally happens in a flashback. That could be a really neat sensory trick. The other trick is that the GM is also asked to start thinking about why the PCs might be redeemable, which could be interesting, assuming your players didn't pull a total tantrum and start having their characters flashback to truck-loading babies into mincing machines when they found out they were in Hell.

We also have the aformentioned "infamous gently caress you" moment of the adventure. We left last session with the PCs having a demon lord in their faces. But how did he find them? The answer is that one of the PCs has betrayed the group. Which PC? The one whose player is running this session. That's why they were passed the card from Romanov back in the second session.

Obviously the idea here is that the player shouldn't be stuck trying to play both the NPCs and themselves in the final encounter, which is understandable. But as was pointed out by other reviewers here, it also means that particular player's development of and interest or empathy or engagement with their character has just been shredded. There's no warning that this is going to happen until they read this section. What makes it worse is that it isn't even a good idea, as we'll see later.

So. Belphegor is coming into the PCs room. It doesn't matter if they unlock the door or not. He's coming in. He wants to know why they ripped him off, which seems a bit of a peculiar question when you think about it, but he's set up for either of the answers. If they mention the Hermit (or even Satan), he'll tell them they're being used and ask if they want payback. If they don't, and just say they want to escape, he'll offer to help them escape if they do a favor for him.

Either way, the deal is this: they give Belphegor back his regular chips. He gives them his artifical eye, which replaced the one that was torn out by Satan, which is valuable enough to get all of them a ride on the black elevator. The PCs keep the black crystal, turn it into a bullet, and shoot Satan in the eye with it once they meet him at the top of the elevator. Once they're in the Big Game, Satan can't break the rules no matter what the PCs do, so if they get out, bully for them; if they don't get out, Belphegor will give them jobs, either as his right-hand guys and gals or a casino of their own. The PCs cannot refuse the deal, because this is a demon lord, he's not leaving without it, and if they're daft enough to attack him they don't even get to draw.

There's a few bits of side information, too. Belphegor believes that the Hermit was killed when the Silver Cloud was destroyed (and will confirm that it was the Swords and thus Rebecca who planted the charges, if they ask that). He doesn't know anything about the Big Game apart from that it's about the only time mortals get to be alone in a room with Satan. But there is the intriguing hint in the text that technically Belphegor can do the black elevator thing too, and he presumably gets to escape if he wins, which could be.. well, kinda fascinating in the larger setting, but it doesn't go anywhere. It's like Jareth and that whole "expectations of me" speech.

Also, the PCs are probably wondering about that whole "turn the black crystal into a bullet". Belphegor apparently knows this is possible but doesn't know how it's done. We don't know why. Either he or Romanov (who's with him) will suggest that "someone out in the desert" might know how. Then, it's time for the session GM's PC to give the PCs their evil monologue and then leave with the demon lord and the 1.17 million chips. Of course, this could end up going rather badly.

"Better to reign in hell than serve in heaven, right? And you guys were all digging yourselves deeper, anyway."
"Uh, yea, but dude, Belphegor just gave us the stuff we need to escape and, you know, not be damned for eternity. And if we don't get that, he says we'll be his lieutenants, so we'll at worst get exactly the same as you're getting. I guess you feel like a bit of a sucker, right?"
"Umm."

Of course, it doesn't play out that simply. The PCs don't yet know that the result of losing the Big Game is becoming a demon (although there was one clue - the demons in the employee lounge in the third session did acknowledge that sometimes new guys show up). So it plays out much worse for the betraying PC, because not only do the other PCs get the same favor from Belphegor, they get turned into demons who are intrinsically more powerful.

So, we have two more things to do before the Big Game, and the elevator doesn't open till midnight so we have time to do them. The first is to find out who the guy in the desert is, and more or less any knowledgable surviving contact will tell them (in exchange for a bribe or something they know) that it's a guy called Doc Raoul. He's a crazed survivalist with a pump-action crossbow who's still genuinely trying to redeem himself, and if the PCs want to talk to him they need to talk up their desire to escape or help the innocent or mention other folks they known. It's probably better not to mention that a demon lord suggested looking for him.

He's our final Mr. Exposition, and he isn't into the information economy. If he thinks the PCs are good guys, he'll straight up tell them all he knows. He knows that the Pikadon's an angel, and that it's tied with the innocent. He knows that the Hermit is Hades. He knows that chips are souls. And he knows that all of the random stuff happening now can indicate a coming phase shift - that's when the underlying metaphor of Hell changes. He's never seen one himself, but he's met people who remember when Hell wasn't Vegas. He doesn't know anything about the Big Game, and points out that anyone who claims to is lying, since nobody ever comes back down. He also knows how to make the chip into a bullet, or rather, he knows who can do it. The Innocent is toxic to the essence of Hell, and a damned and tormented soul, given the chance via them, will surely take the chance to strike back at its tormentors.

So, it's now time for two things. It's time for our final summative journey, and it's time for a boss rush. The final summative journey is back out of the desert, back into Vegas, off to see the Innocent and then head to the black elevator. On the way is our last chance to make sure we know how the PCs were responsible for the innocent being in Hell. It's going to look a bit different this time - because Doc Raoul also drugged the PCs tea with mescaline. While they're on that, they see Hell as the innocent does, but through the knowledge they have too. They can see the buildings and the roads and the structures are built from chips, and those are built from memories, and those are built from the accumulated evil acts of humanity, and that includes them. They understand the true nature of Hell. And, again, we have that trick of how to make this all interesting and immersive while the PCs are just sitting in their car, but hey.

So, boss rush? Yea, it's a bunch of encounters in quick succession. First, is some more Lost. Hey, remember those guys from way back? The only difference is that now the PCs have stuff and a car, and they do have the option of just tossing the Lost some food, or running their asses over. They can still fight them, but there's more of them now, and.. um, have we levelled up? See, we always have this problem with final gauntlets, that you want them to be risky so they're exciting, but at the same time there's little space for recovery here and it'd be a heck of a damp squib for a PC to end up dead or abandoned in the desert.

When the PCs get to Vegas, their probably first stop is the Innocent. Just have him touch the black crystal and it becomes a bullet, no problem. If he does the same with Belphegor's Eye, it turns into a bullet too, and now it can't buy their way into the elevator anymore. D'oh. Of course what we're really hoping is that the PCs ask the Innocent to come with them, which the Innocent will only do if they make absolutely clear they are getting them out. And yes, they've got the budget: Belphegor's Eye would have paid for the whole group, but one member left, so there's absolutely a slot for the Innocent.

Belphegor gave them a regular gun, which they can't use, and the carriage is still locked, but the bullet can be loaded into the muzzle of the gun and once that's done, the PCs can use the gun and it will utterly annihilate one thing that they shoot with it. Let's hope they make it count.

Off deeper into Vegas, now, and it's quite clear that there is one hell of a phase shift. And if the PCs learned that the Hermit is Hades, it's pretty plain whose phase is shifting. The crevasse has become an evil, thick black river; hands reach from it to draw people down. Yes, there's a ferryman. His price is a coin per crossing. That's a coin - not a chip. As a result, there is a sudden demand for coins. There are a few places the PCs might have been where coins were mentioned in the flavor text, and there are some for sale for ridiculous chip prices. And yes, if a PC has a flashback to placing coins on the eyes of another PC in death, that PC has those coins now, but only one PC can do this and only for two coins tops. Swimming's not an option, but nothing in the adventure says you can't just ramp the thing in your car or something similar, so hey.

Across the river, the phase shift is more apparent. Anyone on mescaline is seeing the scenery starting to become transparent, and the city's rearranged itself into something substantially harder and more roundabout to navigate. Welcome to the Labyrinth, guys. There's two more challenges in our gauntlet, and the next one is Cerberus. Three-headed doberman. Hey, we fought three dobermans before, didn't we? Ah-ha. The trick with Cerberus is that he's actually cool with the PCs, but not with the Innocent. He's also not blocking the only available route, so it's really asking the PCs if they'll go out of their way to help the Innocent, and let's hope they do. If the Innocent actually gets killed here, then it sucks for everyone including the players, and the advice is to let it suck. Hang on, how does this work in the combat system? Does Cerberus just draw against the Innocent automatically? How do you tank for your buddy at Blackjack? Uhh..

Reaching the actual Strip, it's also breaking down. The casinos are still here but with a catch. You can't win. Literally every hand is a bust, and anyone still gambling is doing it out of sheer bloody-mindedness or denial of the fact they're damned. But still, without the chance of winning, Vegas's whole basis is dead. In we go to the black elevator.

Oh, hang on. You know what else lives in labyrinths? Minotaurs! Who's going to be our Minotaur? How about the guy with a ton of bull references already made? Hey, Photoshop Bullneck. This is meant to be a final fight, but let's face it, I have no clue how this works at this point - or even why the PCs shouldn't just bail the heck into the elevator. In addition, the GM is instructed not to make the fight too tough. Not sure how they can do that other than deliberately playing Blackjack badly, and nothing's ever suggested doing that before this point, so this could be the easiest fight in the adventure.

Ok, we're done. Up into the black elevator, up until you think you can't get any higher, and out into the Mahogany-lined lounge for the Big Game, where Satan and the Hermit - hey, let's just call him Hades now - are sitting together. Two-man scam, guys. Heh. Actually, although this is explained to the GM, there isn't a lot of detail on how it would be explained to the PCs, since neither of the two are particularly interested in giving infodumps at this point. It is, however, the best written scene in the entire adventure, and the PCs have a ton of options here. Let's meet the players.

Iiiin the red corner, Satan. Satan did the deal with one of the PCs to bring the Innocent to hell. When the Pikadon turned up, Satan knew the innocent was here too. He had Rebecca Oh buried to kick off a war between multiple casinos in order to start chaos, on top of the Pikadon being present at all, and on top of the damage caused by him fighting the Pikadon, all to get him a ton of disruption and a ton of power to kick off the phase shift. Satan doesn't care too much about the PCs. What he cares about is the Innocent. He'd really like it if the PCs brought the Innocent with them, because he hasn't been able to find the Innocent himself (what with him having no power over one who has not sinned and all that). If they didn't, well, the Innocent's still in Hell and that's what really matters.

Here's his deal: the Big Game. The million chips is irrelevant now. The Big Game is: your memories and humanity against your escape. Anyone who wants to play needs to be able to narrate their entire story, connecting all their flashbacks and explaining who they are and how they got here. The PCs can do this one by one or as a group, whichever they prefer or will have better rhythm. Each of them then gets to play Tarot Blackjack against Satan, one hand, Satan is dealer, no cheating either side, and no wildcards because this is actual Blackjack and not the combat system. They win, they disappear and "where they arrive is not in the remit of this adventure". That's pretty much all it says for that one, so this is the Meh Ending. They lose, all their memories and humanity are burned away, leaving them a demon, and the black elevator will drop them off at the basement.

Satan has a couple of tricks to make sure the Innocent doesn't leave. First, if it's been established that one of the PCs actually sacrificed the innocent, he'll say that the Innocent can't leave because while Hell accepts living sacrifices, nowhere else does, and they can't go back to Earth, so there's nowhere else for them to go. Second, the stake for the Big Game is your memories, and the Innocent has forgotten everything and doesn't have flashbacks in Hell. The PCs might try to cobble together a story for him, but it'll never be good enough for Satan.

If the players attack Satan, he will laugh. If the players pull the gun on Satan, he will laugh even more. If the players actually shoot Satan, he will stop laughing because there will be a hole in his head big enough to see through. He won't actually die completely, but Hades will happily head over, put the boot in, and take over while Satan's in torpor.

Speaking of which. Iiiin the green corner, Hades. Hades is stringing Satan along. The casino robbery was his, and Belphegor strongly suspected it was something to do with him, but Satan thinks Hades only wanted the crystal to consume its power and doesn't know anything about the gun. Hades' big ace here for the PCs is that he's cool with the Innocent leaving. His style of Underworld does let mortals go home, and since it's not Vegas, you don't need stakes to play with him. He'll mutter this under his breath if the PCs don't twig. The only way he's actually getting his game played, though, is if the PCs shoot Satan, which Hades would like them to do very much.

If they shoot Satan, then Hades immediately sends the Innocent home if he's there (we don't find out what happens if he's not, I mean I guess you could have them just screwed, but I'd be tempted to go with him offering to send him home as soon as he's found). Hades doesn't play casino games, he just invokes the Fates straight up. Four cards off the top of the deck. Any of them's a signifier? All the PCs escape. None of them? They're Hades' lieutenants building the new Underworld. Yes, the odds are not looking good for them. What, you thought any of these people were nice? If the PCs actually escape here, there's actual boxed text - the PCs again appear in limbo above the game room, but this time, there's stairs. Stairs that, if you look very hard, lead to light. Good Ending. Nice one, guys.

For some bizarre reason, the PCs might decide to shoot Hades. If they do that, he's completely dead (he doesn't have Satan's benefit of being the one with the power right now), and Satan is mightily pissed off because as far as he knew, Hades was helping him and he needed that help. Satan will still play his version of the Big Game because he has to keep his promise, but it'll be even less pleasant than it would otherwise be. The book also mentions the intriguing possibility that the PCs might somehow have two bullets, which I suppose they could have if they gave Belphegor's Eye to the Innocent after using it to pay their way into the elevator. Unfortunately, it's another Jareth moment, because if the PCs actually shoot both Satan and Hades then there's no freaking clue what happens other than the PCs potentially being stuck in the gameroom until Cthulhu rises. Tucked away in a random footnote in a completely different section of the book (!) is the suggestion that the PCs might be able to escape from Hell if they.. destroy Satan's Tarot deck? Huh.

Iiiin the straitjacket hanging by the side, the Innocent. The Innocent is scared out of his goddamn wits. He's only here because there's a vague chance of him getting out. He doesn't remember anything, but he'll listen to any of the stories the PCs tell about him. He's not going to kiss and make up, though, or indeed do anything but be shocked to the core at how monstrous the people he once trusted really were. If the PCs shoot Satan, he'll be very pleased indeed at getting to escape. If the PCs shoot Hades, he'll go into full-on hysteria. If the PCs, again "for some insane reason", shoot the Innocent then he's so torn apart there aren't even atoms left, Satan doesn't have the power necessary for the phase shift, Hades knows they aren't going to shoot Satan now, and the PCs are loving damned damned never see a smile again damned. I guess they.. maybe vaguely helped some of the people in Hell the phase shift might have affected? Maybe? Huh. They still get to play the Big Game if they want, I guess, but God help them even if they win. Actually, scratch that. God will unquestionably not help them, and that's the problem. (Ok, sorry, I was just being cute with the phrasing there, nobody in the adventure will mention God in any official capacity.)

And now here's the PCs. They can try to play either game, they can shoot, they can do what they wish. Ok, a lot of choices screw them, but it's Hell. Nobody said it would be easy. If any of them actually like the idea of being demons, then Satan is - as always - absolutely 100% up for making deals, especially if they involve him not getting shot or the Innocent being kept in Hell. Heck, the PCs might even decide to have a brawl in the gameroom while Satan puts on his best trollface.

Either way, it's over. The PCs either became demons or escaped, to limbo or redemption; the innocent is free or unfairly damned. So yea, this is probably the best scene in the whole thing, and it's where my theories about "this is a great storytelling GM trying to allow others to be that great" come to the fore, because the last scene is the one where they can actually give the GM and the players all the freedom they had without worrying about how something might affect future events and derail everything to the point where their adventure writing is irrelevant and the amateur GM is floundering. It'd be nice to have a few more of those, but it'd also create an impossible number of branches, so it's probably not so doable in any printed adventure, which makes me sad.

So, before we get to the extra adventures, there's a few extra separate essays that basically serve as add-ons to the Vegas adventure.

Stacking Hades' Wager is a quick guide to how to do a card force. This is basically so that if the players play Hades' game, you don't get stuck giving them a bad ending simply because the odds are bad.

The Guide To Drinking Heavily In Vegas is a list of cocktail recipes themed around the alternate casinos and the demon lords. Yes. I suppose the players might want to be drunk while playing some bits of this adventure, especially the bit with the coyote.

The Big Board At The Adelphi is a subsystem you can throw in where one particular casino accepts bets on events happening in Vegas, and yes, that includes stuff that happens to the PCs, and yes, people can place bets on them and they can see the bets placed on them. They can bet on themselves, too. But it's all for "Adelphi credits" which are used for favors at that casino, not chips, which is a really irritating way of preventing the subsystem interacting with the main plot and I'd be sorely tempted to throw out.

In-Game Gambling is a subsystem on what to do if the PCs want to gamble in-character, basically to avoid actually playing casino games at the table because this screws up immersion, takes too much time, and doesn't account for varying skill levels.

Grifts, Scams and Making It In Hell is a curious one. It basically describes how to run Vegas-Hell as a survival sandbox if the PCs either want to play on after the end of the adventure or would just rather do that. It's mostly about potential scams they could run and how they might get away with them, since being sneaky's about the only chance they'll have to achieve anything in the setting.

Tarot-Jumping Other Games is about how to use cards from the Tarot to inspire events in other RPGs. It's not about how to use the Fugue system, so it's not really connected to Alas Vegas at all apart from the cards.

And then we have the additional scenarios for fugue. These are: Killing Bugsy Siegel, Yet Already It Seems I Have Travelled Far, Warlock Kings, and Remembering Cosmic Man. Bugsy's the shortest of all, and the other three are full 4-session campaigns, but with a bit less detail.

hyphz fucked around with this message at 21:30 on Jul 15, 2019

Lynx Winters
May 1, 2003

Borderlawns: The Treehouse of Pandora
So, people waited how long for Alas Vegas? Because as much as people seem to talk up the writer's other stuff, I have a hard time believing it when it took so long to deliver the most railroaded adventure I've seen since old World of Darkness attached to a pretty poorly thought out system. It says a lot to me that it tries to sell the idea of initial magical realism giving way to afterlife intrigue, but the only real examples of using the ruleset have to do with fighting instead of anything the genre would suggest.

Mors Rattus
Oct 25, 2007

FATAL & Friends
Walls of Text
#1 Builder
2014-2018

KirbyKhan posted:

So much dense detail. How does any of this get to the table? Well, I suppose it all doesn't have to... But coming up with a through line to get 5 or so folks to tour through these worlds seems daunting.

These are example Primes - it's okay if not every game goes to any given one or even any of them. They're cool places you can visit or be from! For example, you might play a Cityfolk, or head there to get a magic tool or weapon, or might go to try and open the place for trade or religious conversion. I do think most of the societal stuff is likely to matter if you go visit, though, I can't imagine visiting the Cities and not running into their gender stuff.

MollyMetroid
Jan 20, 2004

Trout Clan Daimyo
Yeah the impression I get is that these Primes exist to demonstrate like, "Here are what Primes could be like, and reasons you would potentially want to go to them instead of just hanging out in Sig all the time" for, not necessarily specific use, but as an example of how you could build your own, but also, yes, for specific use if you're grabbing a bunch of players for like, a convention game or whatever.

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The Lone Badger
Sep 24, 2007

Best move would seem to be to shoot Satan, load the Eye, then point the gun at Hades and tell him that we're all leaving and no we're not playing cards.

Why does Satan want to keep the innocent in hell? Won't that just bring ruin down on his head when the Almighty realizes the Pikadon failed and sends a squad of bigger, nastier angels (or Michael himself) to Sort poo poo Out?

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