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Eric the Mauve
May 8, 2012

Making you happy for a buck since 199X


Pharmaskittle posted:

I had a girl come knock on my door, hand me a single bottle of febreeze as my "gift," and give me a really generic company name. She didn't have any cards, a bag, or a car that I could see, and she wasn't sure whether they had a website. She also looked a little unhealthy and had lovely quality tattoos. She wanted to come into my house to look at my floor to give me a free estimate to do any repairs/cleaning. I handed her air freshener back and said no thank you.

I almost had trouble keeping a straight face as it went on and became more and more obvious that she just wanted into my house. She was pretty small and didn't appear to have a weapon, so I assume the idea was to look at my place and have her boyfriend come back and rob me later. All she learned was that I'm a big younger guy with a barking dog and at least one roommate, so that should hopefully put me low on any theoretical list of robbery targets.

I guess she could've just been an incredibly lovely door to door salesperson.

Itís like youíve never seen porn before

itís just a lovely business selling lovely flooring with pressure sales tactics

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Asimov
Feb 15, 2016



Having lived in rentals on busy streets I've experienced a nice variety of door-knocking scams. Ranked in order of sadness:

- 12 to 16 year old children trying to sell magazine subscriptions in order to "go to summer camp" or win a scholarship or some other far-fetched thing. This one bothers me the most since I've read about exploitative outfits that put at-risk teens in a van and drive them around the country forcing them to sell magazines or chocolate or whatever lovely product as if it were a fundraiser, but in reality it boils down to forced labor that quite possibly borders on criminal activity.

- Random guy with a box of stuffed animals, wants me to donate to a specific kid who needs leukemia treatment at the local hospital. $10 cash would make a big difference and I get to pick this assorted carnival prize! For some reason this story worked on me and I gave the guy a $10 bill but I didn't want to touch any of the stuffed animals so I told him I didn't want to pick one. My neighbor got the same spiel but just laughed and said, "lemme give you directions to this rich neighborhood real close to here." I felt like a sucker instantly but he seemed kind of special-needs himself and his psychological maneuvering won me over in the moment. I had also had a couple beers and was in a suggestive mood so I still entertain hope this donation was real (no it wasn't he bought drugs/alcohol instead).

- Jehova's witnesses on Saturday knocking with annoying frequency. No thanks I am already familiar with TEH WATCHTOWER

- White-shirt mormon boys, trying to make that crucial step from bottom-feeding "brother" to pimp-rear end "Elder" via the virtue of missionary work. At least these guys are fairly honest and unassuming, but they keep coming back like a plague of locusts. I've heard that you can ask them to help you out with yardwork or whatever and they'll happily oblige (as Jesus would have) but I always just give them the hard pass. Maybe a smile and a wave if I see them biking around when I'm outside.

- Weird guy with a baseball hat and a clipboard in 2010, asked me several pointed questions about who lives at my address and what race I identify as. An odd angle for a scam but seemed content to leave after receiving a few basic answers.

- 2012 election season campaign door-knocker. He told me about how great our democratic senator was, how they needed my support, etc. etc. He was a marine and talked about how he didn't get the chance to have a nice education and go to school like I did. He even handed me his real marine military ID with his photo on it. He wanted cash in his hand, I said I preferred to donate electronically but I was happy to enter his referral number or whatever. Dude had spent 5 minutes or so agreeing with me about politics at this point and got mad I wasn't going to give him cash. I pointed to the other side of the street where people actually owned their houses and might be more willing to part with their money. He didn't leave me with a donation code or identifying number. This one could be similar to the teens in a van, except it's "veterans" asking for cash?

- I have recently moved in to an apartment. It is a work night and I'm asleep with the lights out. Knock knock knock on front door, "what the gently caress? I think in my head." Don appropriate attire and answer the front door. It is a man with a yellow vest and ID badge on a lanyard, with a police officer standing a few feet behind him. "Do you know the whereabouts of a Mr. Smith?" he asks. I sleepily stammer, "Mr... Smith? No... there is no-one at this residence by that name. I moved to this address a few weeks ago." The cop and yellow vest man exchange sideways glances and leave after thanking me for my time. Thieves casing the joint for later I imagine.

- Guys delivered me a mattress I had ordered via a major department store. While they were unloading it I searched "do you tip white-glove mattress delivery people" and the internet came to the rescue. I came across this famous quote on yahoo which will stay with me forever: "poo poo they're already at your place. Break 'em off a piece!" So I gave the main guy a $20 and told him, "this is for both of you to split" but I'm pretty sure he just kept it all. Maybe there is honor among mattress deliverymen, I dunno. Nevertheless to this day I remember to tip all types of service people well and break off small pieces as necessary.

e: spaced out the bullet points

Asimov fucked around with this message at 06:57 on May 24, 2018

peanut
Sep 9, 2007




I put a fresh NO SALES OR RELIGION sticker on my doorbell today

Asimov
Feb 15, 2016



Does it work? Do you see enthusiastic people saunter up toward your door and then abruptly frown as they glimpse the sticker, slowly turning around and sighing heavily as they plod back out toward the street?

peanut
Sep 9, 2007




Sometimes yeah lol

goatsestretchgoals
Jun 4, 2011

in soviet russia, you shove robot

also you can silently tap the sign as you shake your head mournfully and close the door

MightyJoe36
Dec 29, 2013

Cat Army


Asimov posted:

- Jehova's witnesses on Saturday knocking with annoying frequency. No thanks I am already familiar with TEH WATCHTOWER

- White-shirt mormon boys, trying to make that crucial step from bottom-feeding "brother" to pimp-rear end "Elder" via the virtue of missionary work. At least these guys are fairly honest and unassuming, but they keep coming back like a plague of locusts. I've heard that you can ask them to help you out with yardwork or whatever and they'll happily oblige (as Jesus would have) but I always just give them the hard pass. Maybe a smile and a wave if I see them biking around when I'm outside.
I just send these people on their way with a polite "no thanks." Although, back when I had annyoing neighbors next door, I sent the Jehova's Witnesses over there.

My wife, on the other hand, loves to grab her bible and debate these people with scripture until they get fed up and go away.

shame on an IGA
Apr 8, 2005

Get into shit, let it out like diarrhea
Got burnt once, that was only gonorrhea




What bizzaro America do yall live in where people answer their doors?

Proteus Jones
Feb 28, 2013





Asimov posted:

- Weird guy with a baseball hat and a clipboard in 2010, asked me several pointed questions about who lives at my address and what race I identify as. An odd angle for a scam but seemed content to leave after receiving a few basic answers.

Is the joke that you donít know 2010 was a US Census year and that was a Census taker?

(However, it appears 2020 will rely primarily via Internet polling, so the Census taker at the door will largely be a thing of the past)

therobit
Aug 19, 2008


Proteus Jones posted:

Is the joke that you don’t know 2010 was a US Census year and that was a Census taker?

(However, it appears 2020 will rely primarily via Internet polling, so the Census taker at the door will largely be a thing of the past)

LOL 2020 results are the scam then.

peanut
Sep 9, 2007




goatsestretchgoals posted:

also you can silently tap the sign as you shake your head mournfully and close the door


Did that at least once rofl

My problem is mostly missionaries. I grew up LDS and live in Asia so my neighbors are like Nahhhhh but hey go ask the American person

peanut fucked around with this message at 13:45 on May 24, 2018

therobit
Aug 19, 2008


peanut posted:

Did that at least once rofl

My problem is mostly missionaries. I grew up LDS and live in Asia so my neighbors are like Nahhhhh but hey go ask the American person

This was horrible when I was stick at home with a baby in rural Akita. I was totally isolated, and then a couple Mormons came over trying to speak English to me and offering to help work whatever, but they were so creepy and desperate that I still sent them packing. My mental health was so bad that point after being snowbound with an infant for 4 months that I would have talked to any adult person in English about just about anything, but these weirdo Japanese Mormon kids were just too strange.

mostlygray
Nov 1, 2012

BURY ME AS I LIVED, A FREE MAN ON THE CLUTCH


Proteus Jones posted:

I think it was more he was running out of gas and had no money.

Yeah, he was pegged on E but not out all the way. He did speak French with a Quebecois accent, vehicle was clearly a rental. An expensive one at that. Everything added up to a true story, that's why I stuck through to the end to find the grift. No dice.

I'm starting to think that maybe he just was out of gas and left his wallet at his hotel. In which case, I feel good about helping someone.

Rusty Shackelford
Feb 7, 2005


peanut posted:

I put a fresh NO SALES OR RELIGION sticker on my doorbell today

With no sales or religion, your house must truly need someone to offer to sell you something or to suggest a religion.

cakesmith handyman
Jul 22, 2007

Pip-Pip old chap! Last one in is a rotten egg what what.



Exactly where is the line on asking them to help with something? Septic tank? Burying a suspicious lumpy roll of carpet? Clay bar your truck?

Rynoto
Apr 27, 2009
It doesn't help that I'm fat as fuck, so my face shouldn't be shown off in the first place.

cakesmith handyman posted:

Exactly where is the line on asking them to help with something? Septic tank? Burying a suspicious lumpy roll of carpet? Clay bar your truck?

I can actually answer this one as my mother grew up Mormon-but-not-in-Utah-though-still-deep-south so lots of religion around.
Even though she never actually goes to church the missionaries will still show up to help with anything needed - she lives alone so are always offering to come help.

And they arrive on time, every time and stay until it's done for anything that's needed.

If not for the ultra-creepy religious angle they'd be pretty good guys and will generally leave you alone once you say you have zero interest in religion. As is, most of the missionaries themselves are just doing their time before getting free college they otherwise couldn't afford because they're from a poor family. Though I'm sure it's different the closer you get to Utah.

I know the prompt post was in joke but besides being annoying and pushing a crazy cult filled with horrible predatory leadership they're still helpful.

Corsair Pool Boy
Dec 17, 2004

by Cyrano4747


College Slice

I'm going to have to remember all this the next time someone comes to my door selling religion. "No, I have no interest and will not be converted, but I DO need some help painting this room over here, come in, come in."

Wintermutant
Oct 2, 2009





Dinosaur Gum

The number-spoofing spammers are out in force today

JacquelineDempsey
Aug 6, 2008


I worked as a canvasser for the political arm of the AFL-CIO last year, going door to door (but specific doors on a list, so I already knew the name/s of the people I was supposed to talk to). We were told to still knock on doors with "no solicitors" signs, because weren't selling stuff or asking for donations. It was about a 50/50 split on people with those signs that would either take the couple minutes to answer my three questions, or flip the gently caress out.

I have a fond memory of the one house I had that had a specific NO SALES OR RELIGION sticker. Guy answers my knock, and I broke from script by starting with "Saw your sign, sir! I'm not here to sell you goods OR Gods." He chuckled at that, we had a nice chat, and he let me use his bathroom. We got dropped off by van in various neighborhoods, and hoofed around for 5 hours until the van picked us up. Sometimes that person going door to door legit really just needs to pee, they aren't casing your house, I swear!

It did occur to me that canvassing would be a perfect cover for casing out houses, though. Like, ring the bell and hear some giant dog barking its head off? Scratch that one off the list. See a baby grand piano through the front door glass? Hmm, maybe put a star by that one, they got some good poo poo in there.

Also, and this has nothing to do with door to door scams or crime, but I can't NOT tell y'all this story from those days: I once had a house where, as I'm walking up, I can see there's a guy and his gf/wife watching tv in the front living room. Dude answers, woman seems totally engrossed in the tv (Wheel of Fortune) and doesn't pay me any mind. Nice fella, agrees to talk to me. One of my questions was "When you think about the upcoming governor election, what issue would you say is most important to you and your household?"

Guy answers, "Well, it's just me living here, but [blah blah whatever]" I glance past him at the woman, who is still staring at the tv, chin in hand... and that's when I realize guy is watching tv with a Real Doll. Those things are freakishly life-like, I honestly thought it was a woman who was either trying her best to ignore me so she wouldn't have to answer questions, or just drat intent on solving that puzzle.

I'd pay good money to see how a JW/Mormon would react when they asked to speak with his "wife".

Corsair Pool Boy
Dec 17, 2004

by Cyrano4747


College Slice

Wintermutant posted:

The number-spoofing spammers are out in force today



I've gotten 5 today, which is usually more than I get a week, so it's not just you.

Eric the Mauve
May 8, 2012

Making you happy for a buck since 199X


JacquelineDempsey posted:

It did occur to me that canvassing would be a perfect cover for casing out houses, though. Like, ring the bell and hear some giant dog barking its head off? Scratch that one off the list. See a baby grand piano through the front door glass? Hmm, maybe put a star by that one, they got some good poo poo in there.

You are not the first person to have this thought.

A+ post though, would read and chuckle at again

peanut
Sep 9, 2007




Rynoto posted:

As is, most of the missionaries themselves are just doing their time before getting free college they otherwise couldn't afford because they're from a poor family. Though I'm sure it's different the closer you get to Utah.

I never heard about free college. Missionaries probably get re-applicant fees waived at LDS institutions.
They pay for their own missions... right? Is there a subsidy for unrich families?

Rynoto
Apr 27, 2009
It doesn't help that I'm fat as fuck, so my face shouldn't be shown off in the first place.

peanut posted:

I never heard about free college. Missionaries probably get re-applicant fees waived at LDS institutions.
They pay for their own missions... right? Is there a subsidy for unrich families?

LDS colleges/BYU offer a bunch of scholarships and financial assistant to low-income missionaries.

And for the missions themselves low-income missionaries are usually housed and subsisted by local churches and families.

E: All of this is second-hand from the missionaries who came to help.

Rynoto fucked around with this message at 23:37 on May 25, 2018

JacquelineDempsey
Aug 6, 2008


Eric the Mauve posted:

You are not the first person to have this thought.

A+ post though, would read and chuckle at again

Thank you!

Yeah, it gets a bit monotonous going house to house pitching the same spiel, and I recalled a goon A/T thread from a former pro burglar about casing houses in swank neighborhoods, so I kinda started doing that even though I have/had absolutely no intention of committing a robbery. It was a fun brain exercise while I was hoofing in 90 degree heat up some 1/4 mile, 45 degree grade driveway to a McMansion just to ask "who do you think you might vote for this November?"

PhazonLink
Jul 17, 2010


been getting a lot of voice mail spam the last few days.

"press two to be put on our do not call list. Be healthy and be blessed."

sounds like some fundie thing.

ToxicSlurpee
Nov 5, 2003

-=SEND HELP=-




Pillbug

PhazonLink posted:

been getting a lot of voice mail spam the last few days.

"press two to be put on our do not call list. Be healthy and be blessed."

sounds like some fundie thing.

I've been getting that too. Some Google fu seems to indicate that it's some weird insurance thing, probably scammy. It reminded me of those "not Obamacare, extra Christian" health plans that were unreasonably expensive bare minimum coverage that refused to pay for abortion or birth control or something.

Absurd Alhazred
Mar 27, 2010

I'm the babyliberal, gotta love me!


PhazonLink posted:

been getting a lot of voice mail spam the last few days.

"press two to be put on our do not call list. Be healthy and be blessed."

sounds like some fundie thing.

Just got two of these today. Reported them through the do not call website.

Also got this spam email, which I am not going to bother opening:

Lutha Mahtin
Oct 10, 2010

Your brokebrain sin is absolved...go and shitpost no more!


is it even worth reporting robocalls now? most of the ones i get seem spoofed, where i see identical or very similar numbers over several weeks

Absurd Alhazred
Mar 27, 2010

I'm the babyliberal, gotta love me!


Lutha Mahtin posted:

is it even worth reporting robocalls now? most of the ones i get seem spoofed, where i see identical or very similar numbers over several weeks

This one, at least, doesn't seem to have been: it was not the same area code as my cellphone, was the same one for both calls, and when I looked online I found that other people have complained about the same scam from the same number.

BiggerBoat
Sep 26, 2007

I'm sorry, everyone.

Lutha Mahtin posted:

is it even worth reporting robocalls now? most of the ones i get seem spoofed, where i see identical or very similar numbers over several weeks

Verizon gave me a contact number for the FCC that seems to have helped after I called them about receiving calls from MY OWN number. I was also getting calls from numbers in my contacts but they didn't display the person's NAME, just the number. It wasn't them any time it happened.

It's 888-382-1222.

This loving poo poo is like an arms race.

Nuevo
May 23, 2006




Fun Shoe

MANime in the sheets posted:

I've gotten 5 today, which is usually more than I get a week, so it's not just you.

Weird, I got 5-6 on the 25th too, wonder what was going on.

mllaneza
Apr 28, 2007


Veteran, Bermuda Triangle Expeditionary Force, 1993-1952





Nuevo posted:

Weird, I got 5-6 on the 25th too, wonder what was going on.

Election polling probably.

ToxicSlurpee
Nov 5, 2003

-=SEND HELP=-




Pillbug

BiggerBoat posted:

This loving poo poo is like an arms race.

That's literally what a lot of the spamming is as well as internet bullshit. As soon as you figure out a way to entirely block the spammers they find ways to get around it. So you cap that and they find another way. Get too aggressive with the filter and you end up filtering legitimate things so the gently caress do you do?

Given how easy it is to just shotgun bullshit all over the world thanks to the internet right now it's gotten cacophonous.

peanut
Sep 9, 2007




Gmail's spam filter is really good. I took a look through there just now and it's catching over 30 messages a day

Zamboni Apocalypse
Dec 29, 2009


Full robo call the other day - got a synthesized voice from "Microsoft" telling me my Windows installation was going to be shut down, and starting to give a phone number.

"Starting to" because I just said "Cool, thanks for the heads-up" and discomnected.

My poo poo needed to be restarted anyway, I think I have a video driver update waiting to be fiinished.

JacquelineDempsey
Aug 6, 2008


Gotta a crisis here, guys.

So my buddy's iPhone locked up. He used someone else's phone to look up how to get it fixed, and apparently got a scam number. They told him to buy some cards (apps store, iTunes, and Google Play) and give them the card numbers. They kept telling him it would be credited back immediately, and in his panicky state he believed it. He did what he was told, and is now out a chunk of change, because, yep, scam.

He paid via his bank card; is there any hope he is not totally turbofucked?

EL BROMANCE
Jun 10, 2006

COWABUNGA DUDES!



None that I can think of.

Pseudohog
Apr 4, 2007


Totally turbofucked, yup

BiggerBoat
Sep 26, 2007

I'm sorry, everyone.

JacquelineDempsey posted:

Gotta a crisis here, guys.

So my buddy's iPhone locked up. He used someone else's phone to look up how to get it fixed, and apparently got a scam number. They told him to buy some cards (apps store, iTunes, and Google Play) and give them the card numbers. They kept telling him it would be credited back immediately, and in his panicky state he believed it. He did what he was told, and is now out a chunk of change, because, yep, scam.

He paid via his bank card; is there any hope he is not totally turbofucked?

Nope. He has to contact all of his banks, dispute everything and basically rebuild everything at all attached to a card or a password. Then wait for new cards and hope for the best.

Depending on his main bank, he might be OK but he has some work to do regardless

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bamhand
Apr 15, 2010


He gave them the gift card numbers right? His credit cards should be fine. But yeah unlikely to get that money back.

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