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ACES CURE PLANES
Oct 21, 2010






Hello and welcome to the new and 'improved' [citation needed] anti-food porn thread, the place for posting all the weird and delightful/disgusting food photos you see all over the internet. Since apparently we as a species are obsessed with showing people what we're eating right now. Even if that 'right now' used to take a lot longer to capture.


Pictured: de Heem's proto-instagram

So, what belongs here? Well, if it's a foodstuff, that's a good start. Generally, if it sounds weird, has wacko ingredients, or just looks like someone took a messy poo poo on a plate, it's all good. Healthy and looks like the green giant ate a forest and puked it up into a food processor? Post it. A delicious, greasy casserole that has more calories in one scoop than the average weekly caloric intake of a third world child? Post it. Even if it's just good, well-made food photographed badly. Just please, God, try to avoid arguing about kraft.


Anti-food porn bingo - for when something is just so wrong it needs a game made out of it.

But enough rambling, have some examples!


Wife material posts - an amazing repository, so long as you're okay with stumbling onto porn every now and again.






Of course that's not to say that we don't sometimes post good food. It's just that sometimes something looks too perfect, so you end up getting things like the Uncanny Valley Pancakes:
https://twitter.com/mr_kuronekocafe...206320560672768

And no food thread is complete without people going on about their health foods, and somehow coming off even sadder than the guy who just shovels cheetos and mountain dew in his face:
https://twitter.com/bobby/status/695630146166984704


And then there's just the WEIRD poo poo. Like these delicious red velvet cooki-

quote:

I made menstrual blood cookies! I am not entirely happy with how they turned out, so I am going to experiment with some recipes throughout the rest of this month so I can try for something great next cycle. This recipe was far too floury.
Or... This.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5K0sFKg7M4s

We have consumed the still-beating heart of the Dumb Food Fad thread after they gave us the glory of the Small Pastry Saga. This means that the posting of stupid poo poo like food served in a shoe or saucy foods served on planks of wood are now fair game, go forth and post all the abominations you can find.





And finally, if you're willing to debase and dehumanize yourself for the sake of other people on the internet, I keep track of various 'trip reports' of people either picking up some AFP offered by a restaurant/store, or making some themselves. Find something you want to do a writeup on? Go nuts, and I'll add it here, so all may see and admire your bravery.

Trip reports:
bunnyofdoom tries the Big Boss, which has less snake than one might imagine. And provides his taste test of the reeses cups burger, wherein he both wins and loses.
GOTTA STAY FAI tries out some weird Illinois regional food. And then explains the history of the breakfast abomination only known as The Harold And finishes up with a beautiful hand made reeses cups stuffed burger, beating out Bunnyofdoom. PROCLICK Then makes a delicious Ramen Sandwich
cash crab a local raccoon tries out Subway's in-name-only Lobster Sub And then goes balls ovaries deep into a Double Down
johnnyratbastard demonstrates false advertising with the help of Pizza Hut's mince pie bite stuffed crust pizza
PandaK makes his own pizzabomination
Horrible Smutbeast channels M Night in his tasting of Cadbury's with Vegemite.
And going above and beyond the line of duty, forums hero chitoryu12 goes all out and makes a sister thread just for MREs and military food.
Tasteful Dickpic makes a weird hot dog abomination, but worst of all, he eats it with a fork.
Gotta Stay Fai graces us with his glorious radio voice once again. And maybe eats some poo poo from Wendys idk.
atholbrose goes to Burger King to try out their commemorative Ronald McDonald Clown Blood Burger Angriest Whopper.

ACES CURE PLANES has a new favorite as of 21:33 on Dec 21, 2016

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cash crab
Apr 4, 2015

all the time i am eating from the trashcan. the name of this trashcan is ideology



I forgot about the ramen sundae!











Turns out the last one is actually pancakes!

subpar anachronism
Jan 15, 2005

I think I'll try drinkin' tonight.


PCOS Bill
May 12, 2013

by FactsAreUseless


New thread? Time to celebrate!



(That's how cakes I bake turn out too, to be fair to this person)

Aesop Poprock
Oct 21, 2008


Grimey Drawer

PCOS Bill posted:

New thread? Time to celebrate!



(That's how cakes I bake turn out too, to be fair to this person)

deadly_pudding
May 13, 2009

who the fuck is scraeming
"LOG OFF" at my house.
show yourself, coward.
i will never log off


PCOS Bill posted:

New thread? Time to celebrate!



(That's how cakes I bake turn out too, to be fair to this person)

I'm going to tip my raccoon hand early and say: with the strawberries and whatnot this looks like it is probably delicious, anyway.

Zzulu
May 15, 2009


Solice Kirsk
Jun 1, 2004

.




Harriet Tubman Cake?

My Lovely Horse
Aug 21, 2010




CaptainCrunch
Mar 19, 2006
droppin Hamiltons!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xfVssMRb8Wg

...except more disturbing.

Picnic Princess
Feb 9, 2008

I was under direct orders not to die





I suppose creamed corn wrestling counts as AFP.

PCOS Bill
May 12, 2013

by FactsAreUseless


deadly_pudding posted:

I'm going to tip my raccoon hand early and say: with the strawberries and whatnot this looks like it is probably delicious, anyway.

Well yeah, it doesn't have to be gross to be posted here. Just not food porn.

RareAcumen
Dec 28, 2012






Aw yeah, ground floor postin!

http://i.imgur.com/8hMxPLl.webm









deadly_pudding
May 13, 2009

who the fuck is scraeming
"LOG OFF" at my house.
show yourself, coward.
i will never log off



Ah poo poo that reminded me of



Burger King Bacon Sundae

TheDon01
Mar 8, 2009




Funfetti...bread?

RNG
Jul 9, 2009



Solice Kirsk posted:

Harriet Tubman Cake?

Pretty sure it's a Harriet Tubgirl cake.

TheKennedys
Sep 23, 2006

By my hand, I will take you from this godforsaken internet


Awwwww yiss.




Scathach
Apr 4, 2011

You know that thing where you sleep on your arm funny and when you wake up it's all numb? Yeah that's my whole world right now.




Hello new thread!

Only registered members can see post attachments!

Crow Jane
Oct 18, 2012

nothin' wrong with a lady drinkin' alone in her room


Hiya

cyberia
Jun 24, 2011

Do not call me that!
Snuffles was my slave name.
You shall now call me Snowball; because my fur is pretty and white.

Loose corn!



Looser corn!!






Clay in a crockpot, just like mom used to make:


This one isn't gross as much as it is just desperately twee. If my wife did this for me every morning I think I'd leave her.

RareAcumen
Dec 28, 2012
















Jmcrofts
Jan 7, 2008

just chillin' in the club

Lipstick Apathy


Would, every single goddamned one.

Crow Jane
Oct 18, 2012

nothin' wrong with a lady drinkin' alone in her room

Just out of curiosity, how much do those monstrosities tend to cost?

Intoluene
Jul 6, 2011

Activating self-destruct sequence!


Fun Shoe


This is actually really awesome and makes me hungry.

KHLAV KALASHNIKOV
Nov 13, 2005




Bosuzoku:whatever the hell this is called:America

Postal Parcel
Aug 2, 2013


PCOS Bill posted:

Well yeah, it doesn't have to be gross to be posted here. Just not food porn.

Just to piggyback on PCOS Bill's post, can we not have "Oh this looks ugly but it's actually super tasty" and "Ugh, this person made it wrong. My recipe is blah,blah,blah, no one cares" posts or, at the very least, none of those derails related to it.




Postal Parcel has a new favorite as of 00:47 on Mar 5, 2016

cyberia
Jun 24, 2011

Do not call me that!
Snuffles was my slave name.
You shall now call me Snowball; because my fur is pretty and white.

So there's this restaurant in Shoreditch called Clove Club that, for some inscrubtable reason, serves their fried chicken in a basket full of pine needles:








And some more conventional horrors:



Semi-Protato
Sep 11, 2001



Titus Sardonicus posted:

Bosuzoku:whatever the hell this is called:Americabloody mary:Wisconsin

Fixed that for you. One is from Canada, the one with the whole pizza and smaller bloody in the garnish is actually someone's art project, the rest can all be ordered in WI, Milwaukee area usually. They cost $20-$30.

If you ever see anything worthy of this thread involving alcohol, assume it's from Wisconsin. We have... a problem.

Wanamingo
Feb 22, 2008

by FactsAreUseless


RNG
Jul 9, 2009




C'mon, broiled headcrab is tasty.

RareAcumen
Dec 28, 2012






Crow Jane posted:

Just out of curiosity, how much do those monstrosities tend to cost?

One I found has a little story attached to it like " I asked the bartender why the hell a bloody mary is 14$ and he said order it and find out." So that's all I could tell ya.

Picnic Princess
Feb 9, 2008

I was under direct orders not to die





If you consumer dinosaur flesh, do you absorb its powers?

ACES CURE PLANES
Oct 21, 2010




Land Fish posted:

Fixed that for you. One is from Canada, the one with the whole pizza and smaller bloody in the garnish is actually someone's art project, the rest can all be ordered in WI, Milwaukee area usually. They cost $20-$30.

If you ever see anything worthy of this thread involving alcohol, assume it's from Wisconsin. We have... a problem.

Goddamn, you beat me to it.

But yeah, food and booze is all we have, so we like to slap them together a lot to create delicious monstrosities. They're still pretty cheap, considering how much food and bloody mary you tend to get out of it.

Postal Parcel posted:

Just to piggyback on PCOS Bill's post, can we not have "Oh this looks ugly but it's actually super tasty" and "Ugh, this person made it wrong. My recipe is blah,blah,blah, no one cares" posts or, at the very least, none of those derails related to it.

Eh, it's fine within reason. Discussing the anti-food porn is just as part of the thread as posting the anti-food porn. So long as it doesn't turn into a shouting match it's fine.

You Are A Elf
Apr 26, 2010

Black Gold!



People often miss the second glass of booze, but there it is.

AnonSpore
Jan 19, 2012

Bear Witness

I still fondly remember the guy from the last thread who insisted there was only one way to make traditional carbonara

Kilo147
Apr 14, 2007

You remind me of the boss
What boss?
The boss with the power
What power?
The power of voodoo
Who-doo?
You do.
Do what?
Remind me of the Boss.



You Are A Elf posted:

People often miss the second glass of booze, but there it is.

The gently caress? How have i never seen that?

serious norman
Dec 13, 2007



Dinosaur Gum

serious norman
Dec 13, 2007



Dinosaur Gum

serious norman
Dec 13, 2007



Dinosaur Gum

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Postal Parcel
Aug 2, 2013



Thanks Obama

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