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Who should be president
Ron Paul
Goku
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  • Locked thread
Paladinus
Jan 11, 2014






Yesterday a liberal wanted to talk to my 10yo son about communism, but my son shot the bastard in his stupid commie face. You can't spell second amendment without AMEN.

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do u know jenny
Dec 24, 2007

by Lowtax


Paladinus posted:

I thought this thread was about conservatives like myself owning liberals, what the gently caress is this bitch baby whinging poo poo?

Libelous Slander
May 1, 2009

... you're just creepy ...

Are there actual bathroom statutes on the books? I always thought facilities were provided as a courtesy and societal norms enforced adherence. We already bend the rules for opposing gender children with a parent in the restroom. Also, when one bathroom becomes unuseable, it is common for the remaining bathroom to automatically become unisex. tbh i've never seen so much focus on bathrooms and genders until the past few years.

Skeleton Ape
Dec 21, 2008



Libelous Slander posted:

Are there actual bathroom statutes on the books?

Uh, yeah? You know those dick detector machines that scan for your dick before you go into the bathroom? Those are wired directly to the police

Libelous Slander
May 1, 2009

... you're just creepy ...

Skeleton Ape posted:

Uh, yeah? You know those dick detector machines that scan for your dick before you go into the bathroom? Those are wired directly to the police

I just mean in small town america, the town i grew up in had a law from the 1800s forbidding people from kissing within view of public property.

Skeleton Ape
Dec 21, 2008



*long serious post detailing why something ITT is dumb and wrong, just in case anyone doesn't get it*

Hector Beerlioz
Jun 16, 2010

aw, hec

A liberal muslim homosexual ACLU lawyer professor and abortion doctor was teaching a class on Karl Marx, known atheist

”Before the class begins, you must get on your knees and worship Marx and accept that he was the most highly-evolved being the world has ever known, even greater than Jesus Christ!”

At this moment, a brave, patriotic, pro-life Navy SEAL champion who had served 1500 tours of duty and understood the necessity of war and fully supported all military decision made by the United States stood up and held up a rock.

”How old is this rock, pinhead?”

The arrogant professor smirked quite Jewishly and smugly replied “4.6 billion years, you stupid Christian”

”Wrong. It’s been 5,000 years since God created it. If it was 4.6 billion years old and evolution, as you say, is real… then it should be an animal now”

The professor was visibly shaken, and dropped his chalk and copy of Origin of the Species. He stormed out of the room crying those liberal crocodile tears. The same tears liberals cry for the “poor” (who today live in such luxury that most own refrigerators) when they jealously try to claw justly earned wealth from the deserving job creators. There is no doubt that at this point our professor, DeShawn Washington, wished he had pulled himself up by his bootstraps and become more than a sophist liberal professor. He wished so much that he had a gun to shoot himself from embarrassment, but he himself had petitioned against them!

The students applauded and all registered Republican that day and accepted Jesus as their lord and savior. An eagle named “SmallGovernment” flew into the room and perched atop the American Flag and shed a tear on the chalk. The pledge of allegiance was read several times, and God himself showed up and enacted a flat tax rate across the country.

The professor lost his tenure and was fired the next day. He died of the gay plague AIDS and was tossed into the lake of fire for all eternity.

Semper Fi.
p.s. close the borders

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

IN THE GRIM BARKNESS
OF THE FUTURE
THERE ARE ONLY DOGS


Nap Ghost

Hector Beerlioz posted:

A liberal muslim homosexual ACLU lawyer professor and abortion doctor was teaching a class on Karl Marx, known atheist

”Before the class begins, you must get on your knees and worship Marx and accept that he was the most highly-evolved being the world has ever known, even greater than Jesus Christ!”

At this moment, a brave, patriotic, pro-life Navy SEAL champion who had served 1500 tours of duty and understood the necessity of war and fully supported all military decision made by the United States stood up and held up a rock.

”How old is this rock, pinhead?”

The arrogant professor smirked quite Jewishly and smugly replied “4.6 billion years, you stupid Christian”

”Wrong. It’s been 5,000 years since God created it. If it was 4.6 billion years old and evolution, as you say, is real… then it should be an animal now”

The professor was visibly shaken, and dropped his chalk and copy of Origin of the Species. He stormed out of the room crying those liberal crocodile tears. The same tears liberals cry for the “poor” (who today live in such luxury that most own refrigerators) when they jealously try to claw justly earned wealth from the deserving job creators. There is no doubt that at this point our professor, DeShawn Washington, wished he had pulled himself up by his bootstraps and become more than a sophist liberal professor. He wished so much that he had a gun to shoot himself from embarrassment, but he himself had petitioned against them!

The students applauded and all registered Republican that day and accepted Jesus as their lord and savior. An eagle named “SmallGovernment” flew into the room and perched atop the American Flag and shed a tear on the chalk. The pledge of allegiance was read several times, and God himself showed up and enacted a flat tax rate across the country.

The professor lost his tenure and was fired the next day. He died of the gay plague AIDS and was tossed into the lake of fire for all eternity.

Semper Fi.
p.s. close the borders



This is the most amazing patriotic thing I've ever read.

du -hast
Mar 12, 2003

BEHEAD THOSE WHO INSULT GENTOO


Hector Beerlioz posted:

A liberal muslim homosexual ACLU lawyer professor and abortion doctor was teaching a class on Karl Marx, known atheist

”Before the class begins, you must get on your knees and worship Marx and accept that he was the most highly-evolved being the world has ever known, even greater than Jesus Christ!”

At this moment, a brave, patriotic, pro-life Navy SEAL champion who had served 1500 tours of duty and understood the necessity of war and fully supported all military decision made by the United States stood up and held up a rock.

”How old is this rock, pinhead?”

The arrogant professor smirked quite Jewishly and smugly replied “4.6 billion years, you stupid Christian”

”Wrong. It’s been 5,000 years since God created it. If it was 4.6 billion years old and evolution, as you say, is real… then it should be an animal now”

The professor was visibly shaken, and dropped his chalk and copy of Origin of the Species. He stormed out of the room crying those liberal crocodile tears. The same tears liberals cry for the “poor” (who today live in such luxury that most own refrigerators) when they jealously try to claw justly earned wealth from the deserving job creators. There is no doubt that at this point our professor, DeShawn Washington, wished he had pulled himself up by his bootstraps and become more than a sophist liberal professor. He wished so much that he had a gun to shoot himself from embarrassment, but he himself had petitioned against them!

The students applauded and all registered Republican that day and accepted Jesus as their lord and savior. An eagle named “SmallGovernment” flew into the room and perched atop the American Flag and shed a tear on the chalk. The pledge of allegiance was read several times, and God himself showed up and enacted a flat tax rate across the country.

The professor lost his tenure and was fired the next day. He died of the gay plague AIDS and was tossed into the lake of fire for all eternity.

Semper Fi.
p.s. close the borders

5

Dr Cheeto
Mar 2, 2013


Wretched Harp

Hector Beerlioz posted:

A liberal muslim homosexual ACLU lawyer professor and abortion doctor was teaching a class on Karl Marx, known atheist

”Before the class begins, you must get on your knees and worship Marx and accept that he was the most highly-evolved being the world has ever known, even greater than Jesus Christ!”

At this moment, a brave, patriotic, pro-life Navy SEAL champion who had served 1500 tours of duty and understood the necessity of war and fully supported all military decision made by the United States stood up and held up a rock.

”How old is this rock, pinhead?”

The arrogant professor smirked quite Jewishly and smugly replied “4.6 billion years, you stupid Christian”

”Wrong. It’s been 5,000 years since God created it. If it was 4.6 billion years old and evolution, as you say, is real… then it should be an animal now”

The professor was visibly shaken, and dropped his chalk and copy of Origin of the Species. He stormed out of the room crying those liberal crocodile tears. The same tears liberals cry for the “poor” (who today live in such luxury that most own refrigerators) when they jealously try to claw justly earned wealth from the deserving job creators. There is no doubt that at this point our professor, DeShawn Washington, wished he had pulled himself up by his bootstraps and become more than a sophist liberal professor. He wished so much that he had a gun to shoot himself from embarrassment, but he himself had petitioned against them!

The students applauded and all registered Republican that day and accepted Jesus as their lord and savior. An eagle named “SmallGovernment” flew into the room and perched atop the American Flag and shed a tear on the chalk. The pledge of allegiance was read several times, and God himself showed up and enacted a flat tax rate across the country.

The professor lost his tenure and was fired the next day. He died of the gay plague AIDS and was tossed into the lake of fire for all eternity.

Semper Fi.
p.s. close the borders

Mr Ice Cream Glove
Apr 22, 2007
"If you put a hamburger in the toaster it'll say Happy Birthday."




Conservative Book Club

Tricky D
Mar 31, 2005



Bless your heart

CAPT. Rainbowbeard
Apr 5, 2012
My incredible shitposting will not transform the xbone into a good console


Lipstick Apathy

Libelous Slander posted:

Are there actual bathroom statutes on the books? I always thought facilities were provided as a courtesy and societal norms enforced adherence. We already bend the rules for opposing gender children with a parent in the restroom. Also, when one bathroom becomes unuseable, it is common for the remaining bathroom to automatically become unisex. tbh i've never seen so much focus on bathrooms and genders until the past few years.

I really need to pull myself up by my bootstraps and build myself another bathroom in my house (I don't need to follow liberal building safety codes while doing it either) because my current single unisex bathroom in my house is nothing but a tranny magnet.

Tricky D
Mar 31, 2005



CAPT. Rainbowbeard posted:

I really need to pull myself up by my bootstraps and build myself another bathroom in my house (I don't need to follow liberal building safety codes while doing it either) because my current single unisex bathroom in my house is nothing but a tranny magnet.

You better get on that. You're wife might have to piss in the middle of the night and a tranny will get her.

skeevy achievements
Feb 25, 2008

by merry exmarx


Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

IN THE GRIM BARKNESS
OF THE FUTURE
THERE ARE ONLY DOGS


Nap Ghost


So was he about to press the button, but then picked up the rag to mop his brow instead?

akulanization
Dec 21, 2013



Applewhite posted:

So was he about to press the button, but then picked up the rag to mop his brow instead?

CAPTAIN CONSERVATIVE has two right hands dingus. Like any ~*tru*~ conservative he disdains anything left wing.

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

IN THE GRIM BARKNESS
OF THE FUTURE
THERE ARE ONLY DOGS


Nap Ghost

akulanization posted:

CAPTAIN CONSERVATIVE has two right hands dingus. Like any ~*tru*~ conservative he disdains anything left wing.

Oh, of course!

But then why is the more conservative of the two choices on the left?

Ivor Biggun
Apr 30, 2003

A big "Fuck You!" from the Keyhole nebula



Lipstick Apathy

akulanization posted:

CAPTAIN CONSERVATIVE has two right hands dingus. Like any ~*tru*~ conservative he disdains anything left wing.

Captain Conservative is really Bill the Galactic Hero?

Dreddout
Oct 1, 2015

You must stay drunk on writing so reality cannot destroy you.


Hector Beerlioz posted:

A liberal muslim homosexual ACLU lawyer professor and abortion doctor was teaching a class on Karl Marx, known atheist

”Before the class begins, you must get on your knees and worship Marx and accept that he was the most highly-evolved being the world has ever known, even greater than Jesus Christ!”

At this moment, a brave, patriotic, pro-life Navy SEAL champion who had served 1500 tours of duty and understood the necessity of war and fully supported all military decision made by the United States stood up and held up a rock.

”How old is this rock, pinhead?”

The arrogant professor smirked quite Jewishly and smugly replied “4.6 billion years, you stupid Christian”

”Wrong. It’s been 5,000 years since God created it. If it was 4.6 billion years old and evolution, as you say, is real… then it should be an animal now”

The professor was visibly shaken, and dropped his chalk and copy of Origin of the Species. He stormed out of the room crying those liberal crocodile tears. The same tears liberals cry for the “poor” (who today live in such luxury that most own refrigerators) when they jealously try to claw justly earned wealth from the deserving job creators. There is no doubt that at this point our professor, DeShawn Washington, wished he had pulled himself up by his bootstraps and become more than a sophist liberal professor. He wished so much that he had a gun to shoot himself from embarrassment, but he himself had petitioned against them!

The students applauded and all registered Republican that day and accepted Jesus as their lord and savior. An eagle named “SmallGovernment” flew into the room and perched atop the American Flag and shed a tear on the chalk. The pledge of allegiance was read several times, and God himself showed up and enacted a flat tax rate across the country.

The professor lost his tenure and was fired the next day. He died of the gay plague AIDS and was tossed into the lake of fire for all eternity.

Semper Fi.
p.s. close the borders
BUT WHAT WAS THAT MAN'S NAME!?

Dr Cheeto
Mar 2, 2013


Wretched Harp

Ivor Biggun posted:

Captain Conservative is really Bill the Galactic Hero?



I don't think the conservative base is down for a multiracial hero.

Do it ironically
Jul 13, 2010


a lot of these maymes are true though

Skeleton Ape
Dec 21, 2008



Why didn't you get something useful, like storm windows, or a nice pipe organ? I'm thirsty. Ew, what smells like mustard? There sure are a lot of ugly people in your neighborhood. Ooh, look at that one! Ow, my glaucoma just got worse. The president is a Democrat! Hello? I can't unbuckle my seat belt. Hello?






There are too many leaves in your walkway.

Ivor Biggun
Apr 30, 2003

A big "Fuck You!" from the Keyhole nebula



Lipstick Apathy




Conservative pwnage

Ivor Biggun fucked around with this message at 18:01 on Apr 19, 2016

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

IN THE GRIM BARKNESS
OF THE FUTURE
THERE ARE ONLY DOGS


Nap Ghost

but Democrats

Hector Beerlioz
Jun 16, 2010

aw, hec

Applewhite posted:

but Democrats

Ugh!

SciFiDownBeat
Jun 19, 2012


Hector Beerlioz posted:

A liberal muslim homosexual ACLU lawyer professor and abortion doctor was teaching a class on Karl Marx, known atheist

”Before the class begins, you must get on your knees and worship Marx and accept that he was the most highly-evolved being the world has ever known, even greater than Jesus Christ!”

At this moment, a brave, patriotic, pro-life Navy SEAL champion who had served 1500 tours of duty and understood the necessity of war and fully supported all military decision made by the United States stood up and held up a rock.

”How old is this rock, pinhead?”

The arrogant professor smirked quite Jewishly and smugly replied “4.6 billion years, you stupid Christian”

”Wrong. It’s been 5,000 years since God created it. If it was 4.6 billion years old and evolution, as you say, is real… then it should be an animal now”

The professor was visibly shaken, and dropped his chalk and copy of Origin of the Species. He stormed out of the room crying those liberal crocodile tears. The same tears liberals cry for the “poor” (who today live in such luxury that most own refrigerators) when they jealously try to claw justly earned wealth from the deserving job creators. There is no doubt that at this point our professor, DeShawn Washington, wished he had pulled himself up by his bootstraps and become more than a sophist liberal professor. He wished so much that he had a gun to shoot himself from embarrassment, but he himself had petitioned against them!

The students applauded and all registered Republican that day and accepted Jesus as their lord and savior. An eagle named “SmallGovernment” flew into the room and perched atop the American Flag and shed a tear on the chalk. The pledge of allegiance was read several times, and God himself showed up and enacted a flat tax rate across the country.

The professor lost his tenure and was fired the next day. He died of the gay plague AIDS and was tossed into the lake of fire for all eternity.

Semper Fi.
p.s. close the borders

this is probably my favorite copypasta of all time

Do it ironically
Jul 13, 2010


honestly makes me like james woods as before i didn't have an opinion on him

flick my Mr. Bean
Nov 18, 2014



democraps

Hector Beerlioz
Jun 16, 2010

aw, hec

SciFiDownBeat posted:

this is probably my favorite copypasta of all time

Hey now, I um..ah..I wrote that...uh..one myself so...uh..all credit should go to me!

Dreddout
Oct 1, 2015

You must stay drunk on writing so reality cannot destroy you.


Hector Beerlioz posted:

Hey now, I um..ah..I wrote that...uh..one myself so...uh..all credit should go to me!

Typical Demonrat taking credit for a marines heroism!

This won't happen in Trump's America, I tell you what!

Stinky_Pete
Aug 15, 2015

Stinkier than your average bear

Lipstick Apathy

Hector Beerlioz posted:

The arrogant professor smirked quite Jewishly and smugly replied "4.6 billion years, you stupid Christian"

This is when I knew the story was going to be the best possible story.

Anyway, back to our regularly scheduled programming...

Pantsuit!

Hector Beerlioz
Jun 16, 2010

aw, hec

Dreddout posted:

Typical Demonrat taking credit for a marines heroism!

This won't happen in Trump's America, I tell you what!

All us soldiers are war criminals

Dreddout
Oct 1, 2015

You must stay drunk on writing so reality cannot destroy you.


Hector Beerlioz posted:

All us soldiers are war criminals

Pm me, and I'll let you treat my rear end like you treat prisoners in Guantanamo bay!

FlimFlam Imam
Mar 1, 2007

Standing on a hill in my mountain of dreams

Tired of owning libtards with a confederate flag? Try this one!

skeevy achievements
Feb 25, 2008

by merry exmarx


Alan Smithee
Jan 3, 2005

by Fluffdaddy


rio posted:

Women are not people and should have no control over their bodies. Clumps of cells have rights are have souls. Ted Cruz is a good person

Voting trump

Like hell if I'm gonna have a president named Cruz

Paladinus
Jan 11, 2014






The best way to own a liberal? Heh, slavery of course.

Oscar Wild
Apr 11, 2006


God has 15 minutes to knock our atheistic civil-liberty-minded professor off his box, or else it will be established beyond doubt that God does not exist.

After several minutes of grinding, anxious silence, the marine, alone among the students, can take no more. In silence, he strides up to the professor, punches him in the face, and knocks him out cold.

The marine is already back in his seat when the professor comes to. His indignation cuts immediately through the fog of having been knocked unconscious, and he is pissed. Why, the quite-probably-concussed professor sputters, would the marine do such a thing?

The legend goes that the marine responds: “God was busy protecting America’s military who are out protecting your right to say stupid poo poo like that, so he sent me to fill in.” That is its final line. The story is called Just Filling In. Retweet or share if you believe in heroes.

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Stinky_Pete
Aug 15, 2015

Stinkier than your average bear

Lipstick Apathy

Oscar Wild posted:

God has 15 minutes to knock our atheistic civil-liberty-minded professor off his box, or else it will be established beyond doubt that God does not exist.

After several minutes of grinding, anxious silence, the marine, alone among the students, can take no more. In silence, he strides up to the professor, punches him in the face, and knocks him out cold.

The marine is already back in his seat when the professor comes to. His indignation cuts immediately through the fog of having been knocked unconscious, and he is pissed. Why, the quite-probably-concussed professor sputters, would the marine do such a thing?

The legend goes that the marine responds: “God was busy protecting America’s military who are out protecting your right to say stupid poo poo like that, so he sent me to fill in.” That is its final line. The story is called Just Filling In. Retweet or share if you believe in heroes.

*removes nose from glass* hmm, yes, a nice Professor/student with notes of Albert Einstein. The oaky marine quality of the punch makes for a nice bloom, and the implication that an all-powerful God can be too busy to do something really brings the flavor together. A+

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