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Jeffrey of YOSPOS
Dec 22, 2005

GET LOSE, YOU CAN'T COMPARE WITH MY POWERS


Vim Fuego posted:

WIBTA if I told my bridesmaid to cover her tattoo?

OF COURSE you will, how can you even...


HAHAHAHAHA
Reddit is a machine for finding the most passive possible solution to a problem.

I think it might be the right thing here but drat. Treasure the friends you can say "I'm photoshopping out your dick elephant tattoo" to.

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Khazar-khum
Oct 22, 2008

Cat Army
2nd Battalion


Panfilo posted:

I was half expecting the ceiling to give out and have hundreds of piss bottles rain down when the wife was having tea with her friends or something.

Smashing and splashing their fetid juice across the room, the piss bottles shattered on the hardwood floor, forever marking the home in the man's unmistakeable scent.

Pinecone Sample
Oct 12, 2010

THIS ACCOUNT HAS BEEN SEIZED
by the United States Federal Bureau of Investigation in accordance with a seizure warrant issued pursuant to 69 U.S.C Sec. 420


Does anyone even have 40 dress shirts? I wear them everyday and I have about 25, I can't fit anymore in my closet. I get rid of them when they get sweat-stained in the summer, I've never used one, new or old, as a batch rag.

Cowslips Warren
Oct 29, 2005

What use had they for tricks and cunning, living in the enemy's warren and paying his price?


Grimey Drawer

DragQueenofAngmar posted:

that was my dad 100%. i went to this stupid loving catholic highschool that changed the grade scale, so As were only 94-100, B was like 87-93, etc (which was a whole other level of dumb, because the colleges only looked at the letters, they cant be hosed to look up that youre in a stupid "high achiever" school and it messes up your transcript), and even then i'd bring home a 94 and he'd go "well its only an A-, you can do better." shockingly, this isnt good for longterm mental health, as can be shown by my account on this site

My dad blamed the divorce on my brother and me not getting straight A's, not the fact he couldn't keep his dick in his pants and his latest girlfriend wanted to get married.

Somehow that did not help me get straight A's after the fact.

Lucid Nonsense
Aug 6, 2009

Welcome to the jungle, it gets worse here every day

Sunswipe posted:

Something Awful variation on Godwin's Law: as a thread grows longer, the probability of it turning to discuss transgender porn stars approaches 1.

Only took 2,429 pages over here - https://forums.somethingawful.com/s...pagenumber=2429.

Rad Russian
Aug 15, 2007

Capitalist pigdogs! Surrender your moneys to the glorious revolution!


Pinecone Sample posted:

I've never used one, new or old, as a batch rag.

You, my friend, haven't really lived.

Motronic
Nov 6, 2009


MOTRONIC FOR MODERATOR, MAKE AI GREAT AGAIN


Grimey Drawer

Pinecone Sample posted:

Does anyone even have 40 dress shirts? I wear them everyday and I have about 25, I can't fit anymore in my closet. I get rid of them when they get sweat-stained in the summer, I've never used one, new or old, as a batch rag.

I don't even understand a reality in which that would be useful. Like.....at laziest go to the dry cleaners/have them picked up one a month? I guess that's what he was going for. Or...you know, software/database engineer so he's probably just on a subscription for batch shirts.

MasBrillante
Dec 3, 2005



He only wears three shirts at most. Maybe one pair of pants. The rest of his wardrobe is in the attic growing cum colonies. Letís be honest given this guyís reasoning. You canít smell on a video call!

MasBrillante fucked around with this message at 03:26 on Apr 2, 2019

Pirate Radar
Apr 18, 2008

You're not my Ruthie!
You're not my Debbie!
You're not my Sherry!


hevnz 2 murgatroyd posted:

I know she wasn't, but why not just say "we decided to with someone else" instead of saying we are specifically not hiring you because you're vegan? Or why does guy whois secretly gay prefers 'boyish' women have to say he didn't want to go on a second date with that girl because he didn't like what she had going on in the chest area?

hevnz 2 murgatroyd posted:

Liking boobs is literally the thing that makes you not gay

Amazing, usually this thread keeps the toxic masculinity on at least the dogwhistle level but sometimes, sometimes...

Serephina
Nov 8, 2005



TheScott2K posted:

r/Parenting gives us a part-time dad who won't let the fact that his kid is crushing it get in the way of imposing arbitrary horseshit.

What are appropriate screen time limits for a 16 year old?

To be 100% fair, those where my scores as a kid, and in retrospect I spent waaaay too much time playing video games in my final few years of secondary school. It's very possible to be getting good grades on paper but still be behind developmentally in other areas of life. I mean, we all payed money to post on this dead, gay forum...

Also to the others claiming that retaking the test since you know you can do higher... is perfectly normal for kids trained with PSATs and stuff. I know my experience is twenty years out of date, and I was happy with my score, but a lot of friends re-tested to get their 1600 because the parents can afford it and the teens know they can do it if they didn't bungle that one question. This is not a 'I am very smart post' btw, the SAT's are awful tests designed to separate rich kids from those filthy poors, I could go on a rant but I won't.

Haifisch
Nov 12, 2010

Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!



Taco Defender

My (F/30) sister in law (F/42) blames the hospital I work at for the death of her father (M/72.) It is causi g problems with family gatherings and on social media.

quote:

I have always gotten along well with my sister in law (hubandís brothersís wife) at family gatherings but we have never been super close. Knowing I was a RN she would often talk to be about her struggles in helping her non-compliant, doctor hating father with his many heath problems (copd, smoking, high blood pressure, heart failure, multiple heart attacks, type 2 diabetes, etc.). I would occasionally recommend services but generally just listened to her vent.

This October her father apparently came down with influenza but refused to go to the doctor. She went over to check on him and found him unresponsive. She called 911 and he was brought to the hospital I work at where he was addmitted to the medical ICU after being intubated in the ER. He was diagnosed with sepsis due to pneumonia. He lived for a week longer but after multiple organ failure his family decided to with draw care and he died.

I work in thr cardiovascular ICU, but while he was in the hospital I stopped in a couple of times to see her and offer my support. Both time I stopped by I happened to know the nurses taking care of him because they sometimes work with me on the rapid response team.

Immediately after his death my sister in law called me screaming about how the hospital killed her dad and how I needed to look in his chart before they deleted the evidence. I tried to calmly explain that legally I cannot access the chart of someone I did not care for and offer my condolances. She screamed and swore at me and accused me of colluding with the hospital. I figured she was overwhelmed with grief and would come to her senses. Unfortunately it has just gotten worse.

She continues to maintain the hospital killed her dad. Her reasoning seems to only be that people do not die in this day in age from the flu and pneumonia. When I have attempted to educate her about misconceptions in her fatherís care (for example that he could not eat because he had a breathing tube, and the hospital did not starve him because he had a feeding tube) she has become irate and insists I am part of the cover up. I soon realized it was pointless to argue with her and have tried calmly telling her I would not discuss it, avoiding her, and unfreinding her on social media as she began posting rants about how she had inside information about the hospital abusing patients and tagging me in them.

At this point she has stated that as long as I work for that hosptital I can no longer see her fAmily, including our nephew and niece. My husbandís brother and parents have all awknowleged that she is nuts, but have actually suggested that I quit my job to make thing easier because there are other hospitals in town I could work for. They have also said it is better if we donít attend family functions or holidays becausw they want their grand kids there and she wonít come if I do. I have told my husband he can go without me but he refuses.

I guess there is not much I can really do so I donít know what type of answers I am looking for. Is there anyway to attempt to effectively communicate with her? Should i attempt to talk to my in laws? Should I still send cards to my niece and nephew-who are in their teens and old enough to maybe know their mom is being crazy?

Tl;dr: My SIL blames the hospital I work at for her fatherís death and has excommunicated me fron the family unless I quit.

Scathach
Apr 4, 2011

You know that thing where you sleep on your arm funny and when you wake up it's all numb? Yeah that's my whole world right now.




Dude how is the family all "Well we know she's crazy but why don't you quit your job and just pop into another hospital?"

Pirate Radar
Apr 18, 2008

You're not my Ruthie!
You're not my Debbie!
You're not my Sherry!


Scathach posted:

Dude how is the family all "Well we know she's crazy but why don't you quit your job and just pop into another hospital?"

Theyíve probably all been accommodating her already and the OP is just late to the party on realizing sheís insane

bell jar
Feb 25, 2009



Serephina posted:

To be 100% fair, those where my scores as a kid, and in retrospect I spent waaaay too much time playing video games in my final few years of secondary school. It's very possible to be getting good grades on paper but still be behind developmentally in other areas of life. I mean, we all payed money to post on this dead, gay forum...

Also to the others claiming that retaking the test since you know you can do higher... is perfectly normal for kids trained with PSATs and stuff. I know my experience is twenty years out of date, and I was happy with my score, but a lot of friends re-tested to get their 1600 because the parents can afford it and the teens know they can do it if they didn't bungle that one question. This is not a 'I am very smart post' btw, the SAT's are awful tests designed to separate rich kids from those filthy poors, I could go on a rant but I won't.

looks like you should have retaken it after all

Cough Drop The Beat
Jan 22, 2012

by Lowtax


Pinecone Sample posted:

Does anyone even have 40 dress shirts? I wear them everyday and I have about 25, I can't fit anymore in my closet. I get rid of them when they get sweat-stained in the summer, I've never used one, new or old, as a batch rag.

I have like 5 dress shirts because I never wear them outside of job interviews and the maybe 4-5 times a year I go to synagogue. I work in a very casual environment. How could someone possibly have 40 goddamn dress shirts, unless they never throw out their old crappy stuff or are addicted to impulse buying clothes they don't need?

Barudak
May 7, 2007



The Chainsmokers song Kills You Slowly is the musical version of this thread to the point where all I can think about hearing it is the emoticon

C2C - 2.0
May 14, 2006

Dubs In The Key Of Life


Lipstick Apathy

r/relationships: Cum shirts didn't help

Serephina
Nov 8, 2005



bell jar posted:

looks like you should have retaken it after all

In my defense, the SAT didn't test spelling nor grammar. But I sure as gently caress know how cats:dogs :: SA:humor!

Comradephate
Feb 28, 2009



College Slice

If he jerks off into a dress shirt every few months and then tosses it into his piss closet, and has 40 of them, doesn't that mean there are like a decade worth of cum shirts draped over his thousands of piss bottles?

Also, talking about your SAT scores after the age of 19 is pretty tragic.

Megillah Gorilla
Sep 22, 2003

One Potato to rule them all,
One Potato to find them,
One Potato to bring them all
And in the darkness bind them.





Bread Liar

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

Reddit is a machine for finding the most passive possible solution to a problem.

I think it might be the right thing here but drat. Treasure the friends you can say "I'm photoshopping out your dick elephant tattoo" to.

Went hunting to see what it might look like.

I'm gussing this, but with a more hosed up trunk:




Which is weird, given that it's easy enough to actually put the mother on there and complete the context of the image:

wizardofloneliness
Dec 30, 2008



I assume he didnít have 40 dress shirts that he actually wore, thatís just how many that had accumulated in his piss & cum attic. He probably had to keep buying more to replace his steadily dwindling supply of wearable ones.

Smirking_Serpent
Aug 27, 2009






Buglord

WIBTA if I did a 23andMe test when my parents don't want me to?

When I was around 13 (seven years ago) my parents told me that there was some uncertainty regarding my paternity. My mother was sexually assulted by another man around the same time that I was conceived. They never did a test and just agreed to raise me as my fathers' daughter. I'd honestly be lying if I said it didn't bother me not knowing the truth.

So my cousin (dad's sister's son) did 23andMe already, and I want to do it as well to see my genetic makeup and all that, but I also kind of want to find out if we're related. I told my parents and they, mostly mom, freaked out. They said that it was their decision not to test in the first place and that they don't think it's fair of me to disrespect their decision. My dad asked me if I saw him as my father. I said "yes, obviously, even if you maybe aren't biologically"

My mother won't speak to me, but my dad looked real sad. So WIBTA if I went though with it?

Edit: Just thought it was important to state that I do intend to share the results with them. I am honestly terrible at keeping secrets and I know for a fact that even if I try to hide it, it will slip some day. So better to state from the beginning. My cousin will obviously also know and he can't keep secrets as well.

Edit 2: So apparently IWBTA, so:

I am going to do the test, however, it will only be in about 30-40 years when both my parents have passed away. I feel like it would be a win for everyone then, unless the world ends in some tragic way before I find out, or I die. I don't want to know because of some lost identity BS, I'm just curious is all. So if I find out now or later, I don't think it would make much of a difference. I see now that I was kind of selfish in my reasoning, thanks all.

Last Edit: Not that it's important, but I see that I said I'm 20, I'm 23 lmao

Smirking_Serpent
Aug 27, 2009






Buglord

AITA for going to my sisterís dream school when she just got rejected?

So, I got into Cornell last week. Honestly I think it was fluke. Iím not smart, at all. I got a 28 ACT, a decent GPA (because my school grade inflates considerably). I had some decent extracurriculars but nothing remotely competitive enough to get me to a school like Cornell. But anyways...

My twin sister is the opposite of me. Sheís a GENIUS, she has way more impressive stats (34 ACT and she only took it once, compared to my 3 times), she has way better grades, way cooler extracurriculars. Everyone always looked up to her as the smart one. I didnít and still donít mind, itís true. The only reason I can fathom I got in and she didnít is that she applied to the engineering college while I applied to Arts and Sciences (I donít know if too many of you guys are familiar with Cornell, but they have a bunch of different colleges you can apply to, each with their different admission criteria).

Well last week, decisions for ivies came out. Unfortunately for my sister, she didnít get into a single one, including her first choice (Cornell). She checked as SOON as it was available and called me bawling. I consoled her and told her everything was going to be okay, that who cares what school you go to, that she was brilliant and was going to be successful no matter where she goes.

Well anyways, I pretty much resolved that I was getting rejected, so I didnít even bother to look at my email until later that night. Well, I guess surprises do happen sometime, because Iím a Cornellian. I got in. I just donít know how but I did.

I really want to go guys. But this would devastate my sister. All week sheís been crying and solemn and sad. Sheís been angry at her friends who got into top schools (especially the ones with lower stats). Sheís decided to go to NYU, but she just hasnít been herself. I havenít told our parents (I think they assumed I didnít get in because she didnít).

Am I being selfish? Should I just go with her to NYC? We always thought we were going to school together but like... itís Cornell. I couldnít in a million years imagine Iíd get in. Iíve been researching obsessively about it and I canít shake the desire that if I donít go, Iíll regret it. Ithaca looks beautiful, itís a small town (which I would LOVE to get away with from the huge city that is New York). It seems like a dream opportunity.

Am I being a bad sister? I KNOW she would be upset; we were supposed to go to school together. It would crush her. I really donít have anyone else to talk to . AITA for going to her dream school? Especially considering how much harder sheís worked compared to me...

TLDR: dumb sister (me) gets into Cornell. Smart sister didnít. Sheís depressed. It was her first choice. I want to go tho. AITA?

UPDATE: so everyone here told me that I should go, so I decided to tell my sister.

Well, she started screaming from excitement and got (not actually) mad that how couldnít I tell her earlier and sheís so proud of me

But seconds later, her excitement just turned to....sadness. She went from like super giddy to depressed in like seconds,, and she started bawling. Like uncontrollably bawling. I tried to comfort but she pushed me away and locked herself in our room...

I going to give her some alone time right now and we can talk more about it later.

Update 2: Please let me know if my updates are annoying; I only expected 3-4 comments and didnít know so many people were interested, so I thought least I could do is update

So after 5 mins of the previous post, my sister sent me a text. It said:

Iím sorry for how I reacted; please donít be mad. Iím so happy for you and your accomplishments. Itís just that after I got rejected, I at least had the consolation that I get to go to school with you and we can go together. But now youíre going to be where I wanted to be and Iím just so sad. I worked so hard and did everything I could to go to the best school I can and I just feel like all my hard work was just wasted effort. Iím sorry Iím ranting I just need more time

Iím not going to lie guys, when I read this, I cried. A lot of you are saying that I obviously I have to have attributes that made me desiresble but I really donít. I donít deserve my acceptance. I did my homework between classes, barely studied for anything, took the easiest AP classes available, etc. Meanwhile I see my sister always taking the hardest classes, studying as hard as she can, always volunteering. She deserves it, not me, and seeing her so hurt pains me. Iím really strongly just considering going to NYU with her. Everyone at Cornell will just be just like her and I donít stand a chance. And I know if I go to Cornell, weíre going to drift apart which would suck because weíre best friends and I just donít want to lose my sister

Update 3: So I told my parents and they did NOT react how I would've expected them to. First, they tried to insist that Cornell made a mistake between our applications (which would be IMPOSSIBLE; if we applied to the same school within Cornell, like we both applied to Arts and Sciences, then it would be somewhat probable, but we applied to different schools with different admission committees. They couldn't have mixed them up).

Then they went on to explain how I should go to NYU with my sister. I thought it was strange, because they definitely would've supported my sister going to Cornell if I didn't get in. My sister apparently thought so too, because she asked why would I not go to Cornell, and they said how it was unfair that I basically slacked off in high school and was able to go, when my sister was the hardworking one who busted her rear end all of school. I don't know if I'm being dramatic, but that hurt. I knew they always thought my sister was the smarter one (they've made it clear multiple times), but to hear them say that I don't deserve my spot sucks. Even though they're probably right.

I stood there in silence, but my sister stood up for me. She asked them how could they say something so cruel to their daughter, that I 100% have every right to be there, and that they should apologize for being so rude. My parents were SHOCKED because we're both very passive people, and neither of us ever talked to them like that before. This started an argument and long story short, we're currently in our rooms. I'm just so thankful to have her stand up for me. I realize that I have internalized a lot of the comments they've made over the years. I'm glad I have my sister actually believe in me.

I still don't know if I want to go to NYU or Cornell, mostly because I just don't want to go to school without her. She's my best friend, and going 4 years without someone who just thinks so positively about you just seems so long. At the end of the day, I ALWAYS thought the NYU was going to be the school I was going to, so I wouldn't lose much by choosing it over Cornell. I'm going to talk about it more with my sister and look into both schools more. Thanks again everybody for your comments; I wouldn't have realize how important of a person my sister is if you guys didn't give me the courage to tell her that I got in.

Update 3.5: No new news but I just wanted to say that I'm reading every single comment and I apologize if I don't get to you individually and I appreciate everyone's overwhelming support! You guys are amazing

Pirate Radar
Apr 18, 2008

You're not my Ruthie!
You're not my Debbie!
You're not my Sherry!


Bit of a roller coaster, that college one

Smirking_Serpent
Aug 27, 2009






Buglord

I'm just happy that the "chosen" sister turned out to be cool and understanding of her faults. It means she'll probably do a lot better than if she was self absorbed like all the other kids in these stories. Shame about the loving parents though.

dudeness
Mar 5, 2010

Cat Army


Fallen Rib

Solid Snake had the bad genes too kid, and he turned out alright.

Depressio111117
Oct 18, 2014

A whole world of imagination beyond the oompah band.

Smirking_Serpent posted:

AITA for going to my sisterís dream school when she just got rejected?

Christ, no wonder sheís so insecure about her accomplishments. Small comfort that her sister is cool at least.

PHIZ KALIFA
Dec 21, 2011
ABS THUNDERSKULL.

element: thunderbolts.

steed: a thunderbolt.

slogan/motto: "gonna clap them cheeks like a Thunderskull."


im a STEMlord from california with hair that looks like two birds loving eager to disrupt the college admissions industry by selling them all on this hot new trend: Dipshits.

edit- oh no! i'm arrested!

Anne Whateley
Feb 11, 2007
i like nice words


Hello they are twins, why do they not just pull a twin swap

Sagebrush
Feb 26, 2012





the hidden message in that whole story is: welcome to the engineering world, sister

Power Khan
Aug 20, 2011

I'll shoot the moon.

My girlfriend broke up with me as an April fools joke, and after telling her that it literally hurt my heart she though it was funny. I didn't think it was funny one bit.
Like the title says.



Tiny back story. I've been in a couple relationships in the past and its always been obvious to me that I'm always the one that puts the most effort in keeping the relationship going. I'll go out of my way and do anything possible to keep the relationship healthy, I'll think about my SO before I do something (would my SO be bothered if I did this) etc.. In my past relationships i would do that same but i wouldn't get the same from them. They would do something that would bother me I would talk to them about it, they would apologize and go on and do it again. My current SO knows what my past relationships have put me through.

I've never been one to go out or party. I have very little friends that are girls and even then we rarely talk. I work, I'm at home, I'll talk to my group of guy friends on discord sometimes play some games and sometimes but rarely go out with them.

Today, she jokingly broke up with me for an April fools joke. After she told me it was a joke I told her that I didn't find it funny at all and that upon reading that text I literally felt pain in my heart. She thought it was funny. And again I told her that this was a harsh joke. I asked who would do something like that and she replied with "me". That it's the way she jokes around. I told her she can joke around like that with other people just not with me, and we proceeded to have a small argument. She said somethings in the lines of, "If this poo poo gets to loving boring where there's no loving joking around because you take everything up the rear end I'm leaving". I don't want you to think that we don't joke around, we do a lot and we laugh we have a good time, this was just not my type of humor.

What do I do? I really am in love with this girl and I don't want stupid jokes be the reason why we don't make it. Am I overreacting and should just let it go?

Any advice would be appreciated.

therobit
Aug 19, 2008


The sister's reaction was heartwarming. gently caress those parents though.

Necros
Jul 23, 2003



who do we get to blame for everyone pulling these really dumb pranks on their friends and partners? is it youtubers or the office or what? likes pranks when i was a kid were lol he fell asleep with his shoes on so we drew a penis on his face. now its like i told my SO i cheated on them with their best friend or i switched my girlfriends insulin with kerosene or something really really stupid.

Scathach
Apr 4, 2011

You know that thing where you sleep on your arm funny and when you wake up it's all numb? Yeah that's my whole world right now.




We just put saran wrap on the toilet and called it a day. These people are loving terrible.

Hell, people are terrible.

Beachcomber
May 21, 2007

Another day in paradise.




Slippery Tilde

Sagebrush posted:

the hidden message in that whole story is: welcome to the engineering world, sister

I'm fairly certain CMU would salivate at getting some more women engineers, so I'm not sure what's up with Cornell.

I graduated with a pair of identical twins like this, but their parents were awesome. They both teach now.

wizardofloneliness
Dec 30, 2008



I blame youtube. People were stupid before too but youtube really reinforces a lot of peopleís idiocy and just leads to them being even worse. There was a popular prank channel on there that was basically just a couple screaming at their young children because I guess that counts as a prank nowadays.

Fuck Your Website
Nov 29, 2003
FUCK YOU, AND FUCK YOUR WEBSITE


We should all aspire to one day achieve a level of intimacy where we can calmly and confidently ask our partners to go jack off to a picture of their brother.

Scathach
Apr 4, 2011

You know that thing where you sleep on your arm funny and when you wake up it's all numb? Yeah that's my whole world right now.




Hah and our parents were worried about Jackass and Beavis and Butthead being bad influences

Barudak
May 7, 2007



To be honest from the womans response to him admitting that her prank messed him up she seems totally ok with it not being a joke

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uncertainty
Aug 8, 2011




Megillah Gorilla posted:

Went hunting to see what it might look like.

I'm gussing this, but with a more hosed up trunk:




Which is weird, given that it's easy enough to actually put the mother on there and complete the context of the image:



This is it:

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