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Thoatse
Feb 29, 2016

Lol said the scorpion, lmao
https://i.imgur.com/KIHTWJh.gifv

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Taintrunner
Apr 10, 2017

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

Sarsapariller posted:

some squares:

  • Prerendered cutscene is passed off as gameplay
  • Sale made exclusively available to people who bought a ticket
  • Livestream fails to start on time, by more than 10 minutes
  • Livestream is plagued by technical failures
  • Obviously heavily scripted in-game demo is performed by live employees with cheesy miltac speak
  • Chris shouts directions at poor beleaguered intern working the in-game camera controls
  • A flashy new feature is demo'd that will never, ever be released
  • A flashy new hardware or third-party app tie-in is demo'd that adds nothing to an already bloated product
  • Citizens do victory laps through this and other "Doubter" threads despite no significant feature release
  • Release (###) is rushed out for the con as a bug-riddled lovely mess, no one notices, it contains no significant features
  • (Free square) New Money Only
  • Chris makes at least one ill-advised new feature promise seemingly out of the blue during his presentation
  • Chris gives at least one obviously false upcoming date and Citizens latch onto it until it passes
  • Somehow the tracker passes 200m, giving them a big round number for shill articles
  • Squadron 42? What's that?
  • Sandi's twitter is composed of nothing but setup/take-down/community photos for the next two weeks, Sandi is not present in any shots
  • All of the sideshow streams are basically devs speculating on systems they have yet to develop
  • A BRAND NEW THING FOR SALE



https://mfbc.us/m/mckh3a

someone feel free to make a better one than mine

no_recall
Aug 17, 2015

Lipstick Apathy
- Sandi Crying
- Cake
- JARED RED 1?
- A lot of people playing the demo on stage
- Everyone uses FOIP (this would be hilarious)
- 60FPS gameplay, zero crashes
- Helmet flip
- Chris not doing the entire presentation

Malachite_Dragon
Mar 31, 2010

Weaving Merry Christmas magic
At least one instance of suspiciously-specific denial, "It's not a loading screen!"

mrking
May 27, 2006

There's No Limit To What We Can't Accomplish



Hello star citizens I need foip gifs.

Zaphod42
Sep 13, 2012

If there's anything more important than my ego around, I want it caught and shot now.

G0RF posted:

CitizenCon is less than two days away. We gotta save the thread from this Evil Merlin off rails bullcrap.

https://twitter.com/discolando/status/1049089257858654214

Please leave town :(

Also, I think it was brought up before but holy poo poo, I can't actually believe they're doing CitizenCon DURING ACL. Hotel prices are like 10x normal right now. Why the gently caress did they do that. Hahahahahahaha.

E: This is also like OUYA holding a conference in the parking lot at E3 and pretending that means they're part of E3

Ghostlight
Sep 25, 2009

maybe for one second you can pause; try to step into another person's perspective, and understand that a watermelon is cursing me



Ghostlight
Sep 25, 2009

maybe for one second you can pause; try to step into another person's perspective, and understand that a watermelon is cursing me



AbstractNapper
Jun 5, 2011

I can help
My attempt at a bingo card, heavily based on last year's card for GamesCom by Jobbo_Fett.
https://mfbc.us/m/ytzzuh

colonelwest
Jun 30, 2018

☢️ Send nukes every daaaaaay! ☢️
https://tinyurl.com/nukepost

Do you think Lando knows the score now at this point and is just milking things out as much as possible? Before, he came off as a somewhat pathetic person trying to bask in the glory of creative people making the best video game ever. Now he seems like he had mini midlife crisis during his little Twitter/Twitch meltdown, got his poo poo together, cleaned himself up and realized that he's part of a huge scam virtually no one even cares about anymore. He just seems to be going through the motions like mostly everyone else at CIG now and it even seems like he's keeping an eye out for another job.

A few questions for you more senior Goons who have completed your Doctoral Thesis in Handwavium Studies...

How long has Lando been with CIG? Where did they dig him up from? And when/why did he replace Ben?

no_recall
Aug 17, 2015

Lipstick Apathy
Chris saying " I absolve myself of all this" during Citizencon

nawledgelambo
Nov 7, 2016

Immersion chariot
lando is as much in on it as the rest of them

he continuously lies to the herd and tells them tales of good will and good fortune within the company, and plays down serious questions that the star citizens should actually be asking

a citizen con.. ..rad or whatever similar endearing adjectivized name to baghdad bob you want to use

Amazing Zimmo
Jan 27, 2006

That's quite a load you got in them diapers

colonelwest posted:

Do you think Lando knows the score now at this point and is just milking things out as much as possible? Before, he came off as a somewhat pathetic person trying to bask in the glory of creative people making the best video game ever. Now he seems like he had mini midlife crisis during his little Twitter/Twitch meltdown, got his poo poo together, cleaned himself up and realized that he's part of a huge scam virtually no one even cares about anymore. He just seems to be going through the motions like mostly everyone else at CIG now and it even seems like he's keeping an eye out for another job.

A few questions for you more senior Goons who have completed your Doctoral Thesis in Handwavium Studies...

How long has Lando been with CIG? Where did they dig him up from? And when/why did he replace Ben?

If i remember correctly, Lesnick got Lando on the team back in the early days.

Sarsapariller
Aug 14, 2015

Occasional vampire queen


colonelwest posted:

A few questions for you more senior Goons who have completed your Doctoral Thesis in Handwavium Studies...

How long has Lando been with CIG? Where did they dig him up from? And when/why did he replace Ben?

He replaced Ben a couple years ago. because Ben was literally dying from obesity related complications on camera.

They found him because he made lovely SC youtube videos under the name Disco Lando. His entire resume as far as CR was concerned was "Guy who likes Star Citizen and has had modest success." Chris kinda seemed to miss the part where a lot of his videos were tongue-in-cheek making GBS threads on the game a bit.

Here's some of his old stuff. There's a whole channel of this.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-McMleDdazo
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qN_IqX_iWQU


No, I am not exaggerating. That's why he was hired.

Axegrinder
Jul 25, 2004
Sometimes sarcasm can help us think more clearly.

no_recall posted:

Tis the Eve of Citizencon.

Current bets:
trucutru It will rake in exactly what is needed for the tracker to be at +/- 1% of what it gathered last year.
IcarusUpHigh 2.55
Agony Aunt 800k
Baxta 3.14m
AbstractNapper 0 - $50000
Jobbo_Fett 2.5614 million
Ponzi $1 million.
Beexoffel $2,965,384
Zazz Razzamatazz 3.25mil
Dogeh 1.2M
big nipples big life 1.8m
Hav 1.6m
tuo this, I don't think is taller than that
Nyast Allright, I'm betting on 4m.
Bofast Approximately $3,918,456.27
Colostomy Bag 2.23 M
Sectopod 2.567 M$
Sarsapariller This will be the most successful Citizen Con ever held. I'm predicting 5 millo.
space-X-chicken my estimation is $3,918,456.26
Infected As such my final guess will be another $200 Million Dollar for the project.
Quavers $4.242m
Mne nravitsya I’m going with the jesus patch number for the con this year 3.0 million
BeigeJacket $5.638 million dollars.
Beet Wagon 4M
MarcusSA This or whatever the number was last year +100k.
Lladre I am going with 2.85 million like I did last year.
his nibs 5.45 million crobears
ZekeNY They’ll report $4.5 million, the real figure will be less than $2 mil.
monkeytek I'm guessing $1.44 million
Nebiros Let's go 3.3 again, screw it.
Rivensteel $3.2m or bust! I
Nanako the Narc I’m going to bet it’ll be a cool $10 million
The Titanic My estimation for CitCon this year is 7M.
peter gabriel This year CIG will make $5.98 from citizencon or whatever it is called.
Beer4TheBeerGod 2.06m
Trilobite $5.2m.
Kosumo $6.8 million
Hobold $3.50
Loel 3.35m
Blue On Blue 5m
G0RF $3.75 million, real or imagined.
Morphix 1.3mil
Combat Theory 7.5 million because I want this circus to continue for another year or 2
AutismVaccine $3.888 million
Breetai 4.2 million.It's been my favourite number since I was a little girl.
stingtwo Put me down for 4.8 million
kw0134 let's put in for 4.2i million dollars.
Thoatse 4,202,407.69
Kikas 2,137 milion.
DigitalPenny Put me down for 2.9 million + 1 hammerhead.jpeg
Iceclaw 4,2 millions. My favourite number!
Daztek $3.42 million
biglads They will pull in somewhere between 1.488m and 69.420m
"
Gravity_Storm" $1.5 million - they have shag all to sell.
Codezombie Put me down for 10p and a packet of Tic Tacs.
"Rugganovich
" Put me down for 137,743,200 Rubles. It's a currency that is going places.
Viscous Soda I'm going to guess all the money... ever. The world economy will collapse and be replaced a by spaceship JPG based barter economy. Crobberts will be made ruler of the world and a new enlightened age will be ushered in... well it will when World Government leaves tier 0.
Deadguy2322 $42,042,042.42
overseer07 3,455,749.00
Scruffpuff $(income_2017_pre_con + income_con) - (income_2018_pre_con)
Mr Fronts My guess is $4,204,204.20
Anticheese Put me down for 2.8m in the betting pool.
Wuxi The combined height of our two mods in meters.
Colostomy Bag 42 feet.
Wuxi Alright, put me down for 3.83mil
SolusLunes No but seriously I'm gonna go with $800k. I'm rooting for failure
crisp roberts Citcon will make 6.1 Million. This is the truth brought to you by OCS.



Bring the beer, cheese, wine and chips!

We also need bingo cards!

Can you put me down for $6.2 million please? Insanity futures are looking bullish!

Amazing Zimmo
Jan 27, 2006

That's quite a load you got in them diapers

Sarsapariller posted:

He replaced Ben a couple years ago. because Ben was literally dying from obesity related complications on camera.

They found him because he made lovely SC youtube videos under the name Disco Lando. His entire resume as far as CR was concerned was "Guy who likes Star Citizen and has had modest success." Chris kinda seemed to miss the part where a lot of his videos were tongue-in-cheek making GBS threads on the game a bit.

Here's some of his old stuff. There's a whole channel of this.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-McMleDdazo
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qN_IqX_iWQU


No, I am not exaggerating. That's why he was hired.

I thought Lesnick introduced him to Chris, somewhere in Lando's twitter feed is a tweet that thanks Ben for getting him the job.

trucutru
Jul 9, 2003

by Fluffdaddy

SpaceSDoorGunner posted:

Thread is finally less bad.

I seriously cannot think of hill to die on that is both as morally reprehensible and pointless as Wehrabooism.

The wing commander movie is actually an unappreciated jewel.

Amazing Zimmo
Jan 27, 2006

That's quite a load you got in them diapers

trucutru posted:

The wing commander movie is actually an unappreciated jewel.

nice meltdown

Solarin
Nov 15, 2007

I'm 10 pages back and gotta ask now

is there really 10 more pages of this poo poo or did something funny happen?

MarcusSA
Sep 23, 2007

Solarin posted:

I'm 10 pages back and gotta ask now

is there really 10 more pages of this poo poo or did something funny happen?

Yes and no.

Taintrunner
Apr 10, 2017

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

Solarin posted:

I'm 10 pages back and gotta ask now

is there really 10 more pages of this poo poo or did something funny happen?

no

no_recall
Aug 17, 2015

Lipstick Apathy
Yes

Ghostlight
Sep 25, 2009

maybe for one second you can pause; try to step into another person's perspective, and understand that a watermelon is cursing me



Solarin posted:

I'm 10 pages back and gotta ask now

is there really 10 more pages of this poo poo or did something funny happen?
it's just a bunch of people posting "why specifically are you using nazi iconography?" at one guy while he puts his fingers in his ears and sings all three stanzas of deutschlandlied for the rich history it belongs to

nawledgelambo
Nov 7, 2016

Immersion chariot

Amazing Zimmo posted:

nice meltdown

his nibs
Feb 27, 2016

:kayak:Welcome to the:kayak:
Dream Factory
:kayak:
Grimey Drawer
Not to be a Debbie Downer or anything but as FLOP or whatever only works on the basis of seeing someone else's face, is this new and emergent gameplay reliant on citizens standing around and chatting?

kalensc
Sep 10, 2003
Ask Rubby how to get a fucking life
$C,ITI,ZEN = $2,484,936

MedicineHut
Feb 25, 2016

So, dont want to derail Mervil´s nazi talk but has Montoya gone now silent on us or what?

Tokamak
Dec 22, 2004

He will be at citizencon, running a booth for his guild.

ZenMaster
Jan 23, 2006

I Saved PC Gaming

What time do the festivities start tomorrow? Like, in PST

Peter.Quint
Mar 16, 2018

MedicineHut posted:

So, dont want to derail Mervil´s nazi talk but has Montoya gone now silent on us or what?

Whisper "Derek Smart sends his regards" in his ear and the big man of Test Squadron will poo poo himself.

The Rabbi T. White
Jul 17, 2008





In GMT would be good if someone would be so kind so we can all figure it out.

Solarin
Nov 15, 2007

Combat Theory posted:

grotesque tech cult

can someone post that drawing of Chris saying 'Fidelity', daz you know the one. Thank you

Gravity_Storm
Mar 1, 2016

One day only goons will be still waiting for SC to come out. We are the only people getting any entertainment value from this legendary dumpster fire.

Show me your mo cap Crobbers!

Potato Salad
Oct 23, 2014

nobody cares



I have an ex-acquaintance now-neonazi I now need to follow up with because he would defend the "Any press is good press" conceit to the death. I am wondering if he, uh, found a new employer in Austin.

AbstractNapper
Jun 5, 2011

I can help

his nibs posted:

Not to be a Debbie Downer or anything but as FLOP or whatever only works on the basis of seeing someone else's face, is this new and emergent gameplay reliant on citizens standing around and chatting?

Well, it would improve the cafeteria scene so that's something.

Solarin
Nov 15, 2007

Hav posted:

I think we broke lazrin.

I think he'll make a special appearance if CIG manages to do a demo without slipping on a banana peel and having their pants fall down

Shadowlyger
Nov 5, 2009

ElvUI super fan at your service!

Ask me any and all questions about UI customization via PM

Buzz Lightyear, to the rescue!

... seriously, dude's face looks like it's made of plastic.

Creed Reunion Tour
Jul 3, 2007

by Cyrano4747
Grimey Drawer

EvilMerlin posted:

This is why I named my org Raumwaffe (space force).

Uh, raumwaffe would translate to space weapon. If you want to go with space force you should use raumkraft, or perhaps more accurately raumschmetterling. You colossal imbecile. You absolute moron.

Solarin
Nov 15, 2007

Jesus Christ this is their big feature for the year.

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tuo
Jun 17, 2016

I'm so glad that GoonWaffe isn't a thing

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