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Quit hounding me.
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Jun 19, 2017 18:38
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| # ? Jan 24, 2025 23:50 |
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do we need to call the dog police
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Jun 19, 2017 18:41
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You guys are barking up the wrong tree.
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Jun 19, 2017 18:50
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Just because you had a ruff week
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Jun 19, 2017 18:50
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Doesn't give you license to treat me like a piece of shih tzu.
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Jun 19, 2017 18:51
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this is an interesting approach to the interprompt...
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Jun 19, 2017 18:56
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Sitting Here posted:i need to see some  though you hardly need one from me I'VE NEVER FAILED ANYTHING
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Jun 19, 2017 18:57
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dog spelled backwards is plz stop posting puns
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Jun 19, 2017 19:02
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what now
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Jun 19, 2017 19:43
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ThirdEmperor posted:
Give me the most impossible flash rule you can think of
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Jun 19, 2017 19:54
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Give him two flash rules
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Jun 19, 2017 19:59
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ThirdEmperor posted:Give him two flash rules I was asking you for a flash rule... but apparently that task extends beyond your grasp, so yeah. Go ahead sittinghere, flash it up.
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Jun 19, 2017 20:06
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I'm just sharing the opportunity to beat you down. to crit all of Chili's stories if I lose.
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Jun 19, 2017 20:18
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flash rule: write a good story
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Jun 19, 2017 20:42
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 dog week results so maybe you were out celebrating father's day or maybe you just hate me or hate dogs or something but a lot of you jerks failed. whatever. thats fine. its not like i care or anything. im definitely not crying. anyways, me and the judges agreed that since the overall quality wasnt terrible (not amazing, though) and that so many of you failed, we were going to go a bit nice on you lot. normally, im opposed to no/few negative mentions, but it felt wrong for me to give out a bunch of dms and losses when the true losers are the people who didnt submit. you know who you are and you should feel bad. like really really really really bad. anyways, bad news first. sparksbloom you cop a DM. im not opposed to pieces that arent "stories" but this was dull and a bit confusing. we werent happy with the "it's all a dream" ending. however, this is in no way close to being the worst thunderdome story, and you did better than most everyone by actually writing something! so, i mean this sincerely, thank you. we were a bit split on the positives, but i want to celebrate people actually writing stories that were interesting or fun. Chili! your story had an interesting premise that was told in a compelling manner. Thranguy! Your story was fun, had a good dog, and made me laugh/smile a couple times throughout. these stories have problems that i'll expand on in crits, mind you, but at least two judges liked each of them. finally, sebmojo takes the win. his story had an interesting concept expanded out into a story that was compelling to read. it was kind of similar w/ sparksbloom in the whole dream aspect of it, but did well w/ its magical realism-like setting to tell something pretty cool. there's some things to improve, of course, but overall, this story stood out to all of the judges as the winner. thank you also Entenzahn and Jay W. Friks for also submitting. your stories werent bad either and i was happy you wrote something for this week. i was hoping this week was going to be more fun with a bunch of dogs, but i guess it wasnt meant to be  i do want to extend an offer to all the failures though. if you post a redemption for this week sometime before next week's submission deadline, i will crit them by the time next week's judgment happens. i will also have my crit for the entire week up by that time. anyways mr. cyberpunk please make a good prompt because apparently i cant flerp fucked around with this message at 21:17 on Jun 19, 2017 |
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Jun 19, 2017 21:14
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  CAT LADY DOG WEEK CRITSOkay, so first of all, shoutout to all of the failures this week; I’m not sure what possessed me to volunteer to judge on the last week of school, but I really appreciate you guys making this easy for me. Did you break flerp's heart and let everyone down? Yes. BUT it meant that I had less work to do, so we'll call this one even. Gonna Explode So I guess this is trying to be some kind of commentary on attention and media? I liked the premise, but it seemed a little preachy at the end. Plus, there was a lot that didn’t really make sense. For example, when and how were they performing all of these surgeries on her? Were they doing surgery while she was running? Did they somehow prepare and enact all of these measures during Hell Day? If they have such insanely advanced medical technology, couldn’t they like, idk, put the alien-earth-breaking-leg-thingy in something else? Idk. This really doesn’t seem like something people would leave to chance. The other judges liked this more than I did, but I didn’t think it was bad, per se, just a little contrived and preachy (to my ears). Fogdog I really wanted to like this story more than I did. I had you as a potential DM because this was pretty muddy, but I really liked the ideas you tried to communicate, and the DM would really have only been comparative; this was a low story for this week, but not particularly low in the grand scheme of TD stories. I think the main thing that you could improve upon is clarity here; what exactly is happening? What… actually, no, just what’s happening. The shell world thing was weird, and I honestly wouldn’t have figured it out if it weren’t for you talking about it in IRC. I’d love to see you expand on this and polish it a bit, because you have some really interesting stuff going on here, it just needs some work (and probably a few hundred more words). Arm the Man With a Dog This was going to be my win pick if seb hadn’t skated in under the deadline. Not necessarily because it was overwhelmingly good, but because I liked it the most out of the other stories, which wasn’t saying that much, tbh. You have a sort of fast-and-loose style going for you here, and I liked how you played with archetypes and myths, but there wasn’t that much going on, and there was exactly zero narrative tension or stakes. One of the other judges mentioned that the whole thing read like a setup for the Disney joke, and in retrospect, they’re right. Your breezy style here is really almost all the story has going for it, but luckily for you I liked it. Some Fables Man, I have no idea what the hell just happened here. Seriously, I don’t know if it was a dream-within-a-dream, or a dream-but-not-really, or just-a-dream-OR-WAS-IT?!?!?! Whatever it was, it didn’t work for me. The second person really didn’t help, either. I think you were trying to go for surrealism, but it came out jumbled and nigh-incomprehensible. This didn’t deserve a loss by any means (for real, in the grand scheme of TD, this is not bad at all), but I was okay with giving it a DM. I’d probably scrap the whole thing and do a complete rewrite, if it were, me, but I do think that there are a lot of elements that you could keep here and make a compelling story. Snow White I liked this well enough, although it didn’t have a lot of feeling to it (for me). Your ending probably also could have been a little clearer. It wasn’t bad by any means, but it felt a little lifeless. I didn’t care really about Tyler or the dog, so the fate of either one didn’t matter very much to me, and that made it hard to invest. I think that the structure is there, but the story itself was held back by the low word count. You can definitely make something worthwhile out of this, it just needs a little more room to breathe. Narcissus This was a case of me not being 100% in on what was going on in a story, but I was super into it anyway. There was a very compelling sort of mystery to what was happening, and while I didn’t quite understand who Little My was and what her purpose/significance was, I understood enough that the story worked and the points hit home. I liked this. I think in most weeks it would probably be closer to an HM contender than a win, but it was definitely my favorite of this week, so good on you.
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Jun 19, 2017 22:11
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Some prompt crits, very nice. Speaking of prompt...
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Jun 19, 2017 22:12
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Thanks for the crits curlingiron
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Jun 20, 2017 00:31
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Thunderdome Recaps!  Two episodes. Three weeks. More incredibly awful people than you can shake a stick at, and that's without Twist. Sitting Here, Bad Seafood, and I rebel against certain concepts present in Week 251: We're Grammarpunk Now--it turns out none of us are in favor of malicious conception. Who knew? The highlights of the round receive a share of attention, but the dramatic spotlight shines on the loser: Fuubi's "High Noon." I liked it better at the start of all this, when you were raging, rioting, wrecking everything around you. When you showed your passion, and a will to fight and live! From there we move on to the browner pastures of Week 252: Your Cardboard Protagonist Was Here and Week 253: The road to lovely fiction is paved with good intentions. Even sticking to the negative mentions, we still ramble on for nearly two hours about the care and handling of terrible people, the definition of flash fiction, how closely to follow a prompt, and name changes, and then we go on a magical journey through Entenzahn's "Graffiti Bros: Graffic Adventures with Julius Caesar." “Hey,” a Jesus said, “can any of you torture me, I kinda need to suffer for the sins of humanity.” He exploded. Episodes past can be found here!
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Jun 20, 2017 02:49
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Thunderdome week 255: RAY-LORDS FROM BEYOND GALAXY 9!  hi thunderdome, this week we are doing science fiction, and not yer modern fancyshmancy expanses and battlestar galacticas, no. we're doing the bad stuff, the cheesy, the unfortunate, the ridiculous. pick a cover from here, or here, or here and post it with your 'in', or ask for one, you know the drill. additional flash rules available on request. write bad stories, but try and make them good bad. who'll be the judge? i will, along with solitair and aother intrepid fictionaut! erotica is ok if it's the sort of thing you'd find in a terrible pulp, fanfiction is still a nope. you can have, oh, 1000 words, entry deadline 2359 PST on friday/sunday, you know the drill. toxx up if you failed last week. BEAM RIDERS FROM VENUS! Tibalt! Steeltoedsneakers! Thranguy! Fuubi! Hawklad! Benny Profane! Phobia! Crabrock! Fumblemouse! Jay W. Friks!! Surreptitious Muffin! Fleta McGurn! Anime was right! Entenzahn! Killer-of-lawyers! Boaz-Jachim! ZeBourgeoisie! ThirdEmperor! sebmojo fucked around with this message at 09:55 on Jun 24, 2017 |
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Jun 20, 2017 03:11
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This seems fun. Can you assign me a cover?
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Jun 20, 2017 03:43
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In. Cover, pls.
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Jun 20, 2017 05:22
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Tibalt posted:This seems fun. Can you assign me a cover?  steeltoedsneakers posted:In. Cover, pls. 
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Jun 20, 2017 06:01
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In and I'll take a cover.
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Jun 20, 2017 06:07
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Thranguy posted:In and I'll take a cover. 
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Jun 20, 2017 06:55
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sebmojo posted:write bad stories, but try and make them good bad. who'll be the judge? i will, along with a couple of other intrepid fictionauts. Bad stories? That's, like, my jam! In with this crazy! Oh, and to get out of the doghouse:
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Jun 20, 2017 10:34
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In. 
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Jun 20, 2017 13:08
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In, gimme a cover!
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Jun 20, 2017 19:16
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hey losers, I'm in this week
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Jun 20, 2017 20:23
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dog week crits my offer still stands for any redemptions posted this week. i will still crit them. Chili “Gonna Explode” The 750 word count hit you hard. You got an interesting premise and the story is going somewhere, but the ending is rushed. Too much time is spent on the setup, not enough on the more interesting bit of the character becoming disillusioned w/ the world. The person’s body changing is also interesting but never really explained or done much w/. I can see this being a longer piece w/ some of the ideas more fleshed out and developed. I have some issues w/ the tone (the Chi Omega thing came out of nowhere), like w/ the popular videos and stuff. The ending of her looking up the most popular video and seeing it making her realize nobody gave a poo poo didnt really work because it was too sudden and a lil outlandish. Also, i mean, they literally played movies and had concerts for her. I think they gave a poo poo. Its a weird mix of magical realism and scifi but im overall okay w/ it because its not rly scifi or at least uses its scifi to tell an interesting story instead of giving me a textbook on some aliens i dont give a poo poo about. There are some issues like how they did surgery on her and what not. I thought it was clear that they were performing it on her while she ran, but it doesnt really make sense how that’s possible and its kinda glossed over. I mean, probably SCIFI STUFF but idk. While personally, i dont give that much of a poo poo how you explain things like that because if something is cool i usually just go w/e, but some other readers will care. Maybe you explain it, or maybe you make your story interesting enough that the readers wont care and go along with it. And there’ll always be the people who nitpick it so idk. Anyways, while this is all criticism, this story is still interesting. The idea is cool and I liked reading it. I think developing the ending will go a long way in making this piece stronger. high middle, probably Jay W. Friks “Fogdog” Neuron starlings? I have no idea what that means. Anyways, this isn’t a bad story. You’ve been hit w/ a lot of DMs and losses and this might’ve been a victim of the same trend if not for my generosity/high fail rate. Still, though, I didn’t really want to DM this. There’s interesting ideas here at play, but some of it is confusing. The shelled world vs where we’re at, etc. I think this might be a bit too dialogue heavy, and a bit more action and movement would be nice. I also feel like the language is a bit stilted and awkward at times, and the dialogue seems more like a relaying of facts rather than people/things actually talking, if that makes sense. We don’t really talk by reciting facts, and so it feels robotic when he hear something talk like that. You have some good lines, like that bit near the end, as he’s regaining his memory. Normally, im not a big fan of that kind of change of style, but it works and it has good images. Almost feels like a poem. But the world is engaging and interesting enough, and I think if it was developed further, I feel there’s something cool in here. Also the all caps is just bad. Don’t do that. Lowish middle???? kinda more middle tbh Thranguy “Arm the Guy with a Dog” This is a good line quote:Jackals aren’t properly dogs, but they’re close enough, and if he sees you’re a proper dog person, he’ll use the extra-heavy feather to weigh your heart against. And overall, the story has good lines. It’s fun and light, but it lacks really any impact. Maybe that has something to do with the word count, who knows. Hawklad said it was a bit reference heavy, which I agreed with. However, the attitude of this story carries it overall. In an actual week with a lot of entries, I don’t really seeing this HMing, but I see this as being a nice little reprieve from the general shittiness. I was really hoping that the ending would do more than what it did. It kinda just told one last joke and went on its merry little way. Once again, maybe because of the word count? If this was expanded into like double its size, I could see this being a fun story that could have stakes and stuff and development and tension, but right now, it’s a 750 word collection of jokes and fun anecdotes. Not necessarily bad, but not necessarily meaningful. A nice cool breeze, but nothing more. But it was fun, and sometimes thats all we need. Also, good dog points. Middle, maybe high middle. I could hm this if this week turns out to be a horribly depressing mess (i really hope it isnt). sparksbloom “Some Fables” Im actually kind of sorry about DMing this, which i never thought i would say. I dont think its awful (and i dont think any judge thinks that way), but it was unfortunately the worst of a few. You’re a good writer so I know you’ll bounce back from this. I think, out of a lot people here in TD, im one of the more likely to be receptive to this piece. Im not one of those people who are gonna say you gotta have a story w/ plot beats and everything (esp given the word count this week), so that’s not the issue here. The “it’s all a dream” is, for obvious reason, not a good thing. It robs us of a meaningful end while also making us think, dang, why did this matter? Of course, there’s a bit of importance in this dream. The willingness to go with the ex-girlfriend but also the reluctance. It’s contradictory in that human way. I liked the way you subverted expectations to have the girlfriend not be a dream (initially), but I find myself wanting something more than just “this is a dream that happened to me.” Not necessarily a story, but this feels lacking. I wouldve liked some kind of consequence to this story. I wanted something to change meaningfully, and we don’t really get this. It feels like an introduction to a story. I think if you want to keep this story as is, you need to clarify a bit more and make your prose a little bit more snazzier. Middle Entenzahn “Snow White” I was afraid there were going to be stories about a dog who are like “my master is dead ;-; ;-; ;-;” but this one is actually a decent variant of it. I think my main issue is that the protag is bland. I don’t really feel for him at all and he’s more of a blank slate than anything else. As such, I didn’t care as much as I should have. I mean it was sad and there was a dog trying to save his master which always makes me sad (tho for me its more of a cheap sadness), but I think developing Thomas more and making him a more engaging character is necessary. I also though the prose was a little bland and could’ve had a little bit more energy injected into the piece. It’s not a bad piece, but one that doesn’t necessarily stick out in somebody’s head. High middle, given the lack of submissions and overall quality of this week. I would’ve put this at a middle in a normal week. sebmojo “Narcissus” Kinda like sparksblooms w/ the whole ITS ALL A DREAM but this one works better because its more like magical realism or w/e. Theres a bit of handwaveyness in this w/ the world but im not gonna complain about that too much but i can imagine some people will take offense. Maybe a bit dialogue heavy. Also perhaps a bit too ambigious w/ what’s going on. Personally, i get the gist of what’s going on, but others might get confused, esp with what Little My is (especially because that name is so weird). Setting feels ambiguous, wouldve liked some concrete details to place me in the world more concretely. I think what this piece needs is about 100 or 200 more words to fully get across its world and what Little My is. Sure, this is basically an elongated conversation, but its an engaging one that has an interesting premise that keeps us interested. The protag isnt the most terribly interesting, but we still want to know more about the world and Little My that it keeps us engaged. It’s a fine line, because some of the ambiguity is interesting. That’s why I think we need about 100 or so more words, where details of the setting can put us more into the action, while making sure it’s not all given to us so you don’t ruin the mysteriousness of the situation. I do have to agree this probably wouldnt have won in a normal week (an HM was likely, tho), but this was still a strong piece that needs a little bit more room to grow. High, possible HM or win.
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Jun 20, 2017 20:48
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Hawklad posted:In, gimme a cover!  Fuubi posted:Bad stories? That's, like, my jam! In with this crazy! 
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Jun 20, 2017 21:25
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Umm, already added a picture to my in post. I added it as a URL link. Should I go with my picture, or the one you provided me?
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Jun 21, 2017 04:57
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Fuubi posted:Umm, already added a picture to my in post. I added it as a URL link. Should I go with my picture, or the one you provided me? use both.
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Jun 21, 2017 05:10
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JudgeCrits from last week: Chili - Gonna Explode Boom! Great opening line, hooks me instantly. But then your second paragraph is another big reveal and it sort of dilutes the impact of your opener, which never gets a chance to breathe. If you could have worked the exposition about her being kidnapped by aliens just a touch later into the story I think it would work better. Like maybe after she stops running the first time which would tie back to your opener. The writing is good, the story engaging. I like the descriptions of her gradually turning into a cybernetic organism, as scientists perform "on-the-go" surgeries to upgrade her parts. Didn't get the sorority reference, it seemed a little flip. I liked the theme of human attention spans, how we focus on the unimportant things in life while those that do the daily grind of keeping the world turning goes unappreciated and unknown. Strong ending. A little curious about those aliens - what was their purpose installing this gizmo? Some sort of game or joke? Were they up there the whole time, betting on how long she'd last? Overall a strong entry and with another 500 words could be fleshed out into something really good. Jay W. Friks - Fogdog This one is confusing, with a lot of references that are difficult to parse on first read. My interpretation is that you're playing with time here...time on the road to Hell is much slower that on Earth (what I think you mean by "shelled world"). So the whole time he is on this quest the bullet is moving at a glacial pace through his scalp and into his brain. But in that time (a fraction of a second in real time) he goes on this epic journey to hell. For some reason if he makes it to hell he gets relief and can remove the bullet — why is that? Why are the wastes of hell better than purgatory? The birds sending him on a quest for some keys of unknown purpose, where he meets a dog who eventually gives him the keys, as long as he promises to go straight to hell. This sequence of events didn't really make sense to me. Nonetheless there's some good writing in here: quote:My vision shattered and moments flash by like shadow puppets made of broken glass. quote:I pick the bullet from my skull once more to use my living nose. Thranguy - Arm the Man with a Dog This story was cute and had some funny lines but I had some problems with it. First off, all the name-dropping was tiresome. In the first paragraph alone you reference four separate mythical beings from three different cultural heritages. I'm reasonably familiar with common myths but to ask the reader to pick up these references is asking a bit much. As such, it reads more like the author saying "look I did my homework!" and disrupts my attention by breaking me out of the story — right away I'm tempted to Google those names rather than stay engaged in the story. Obviously with a short word count it's hard to properly flesh out a complete story arc but I still felt the plot was thin and just a setup for the Disney joke. But overall it was fun and breezy and satisfying, and definitely contained some clever writing which all the judges appreciated. sparksbloom - Some Fables Strong writing kept me hooked through this. I like the intrusion of the ex and all she represents about the former life the protag has; the temptation to return to that old life, so easy and simple compared to the relatively mundane one she has built since their parting. The dog barking incessantly in the background provides good tension and there's good dream-like imagery and emotion throughout. But then that last paragraph happens and ruins the whole story for me. Why would the boyfriend shoot an unarmed woman, someone who the protag clearly knows, violently and in cold blood? And then whatever stakes are established by that action are immediately - like four words later - defused when you reveal that it's all a dream after all and none of the events actually happened. Why did you make this choice? If you're going to go down that path at least have the dream resonate into real life - either she has learned something about herself, her boyfriend, her life through the experience, and maybe you try to do that with the last little bit about her having trouble going back to sleep, but it's just too vague and obtuse. Would have liked the story a lot more without the choices you made at the end. Entenzahn - Snow White I liked this little piece, it had a good heart (and a good dog). The story of the man settling down to die and getting essentially dragged to safety by the dog was well paced and engaging. The relationship between Tyler and the dog was handled well as he went from irritation to grudgedly following him to actual empathy at the end. Like other reviewers I felt like Tyler was basically a blank slate - I would love a little more personality, a little more backstory. Make me care about him and his choices, make me care if he survives or not. And I have to admit that ambiguous ending left the dark side of me wondering if Tyler cannibalized his corpse (although I'm sure that wasn't the intention when you wrote that). Sebmojo - Narcissus This is a clever story, skirting the margins between light-hearted magical realism and the real human burdens of loss and guilt. Our protagonist volunteers for what is obviously a tough duty: guarding the real world from the world of dreams. When Little My comes out of the fog, she's apparently a representative of the dream world come to talk some sense into our protagonist, who did a horrible misdeed in the past and is using his proximity to the dreamworld as a salve for the pain he feels for what he has done. At least that's what I'm taking away from this story. The writing is good, the images evocative, and there's a heart behind it which all the judges appreciated. Some things that weren't clear were Little My's fixation on the year of this birth, unless that was just an attempt to weave the prompt into the story. I didn't see any significance other that that. And I wasn't sure what the black fog represented exactly. It came up from the dreamworld, I presume like some sort of nightmare, enveloping our protag and Little My, isolating them to create the climax of the story, but after his failed attempt to join the dream world (where he hopes to reunite with the "her" that he killed in the fire (accidentally?)) by shooting Little My, it doesn't work and she fades back into the black mist. So our protag is left with no resolution, which is fine, but it's a bit fuzzy as to what he was really trying to accomplish by shooting her. How would that let him join the dream world? But overall the imagery and emotion behind this story carried it to victory so good job!
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Jun 21, 2017 06:12
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i'll probably fail again but i really want to not to plz cover me.
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Jun 21, 2017 11:14
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Thanks for the super helpful, speedy crits flerp, curlingiron, and hawklad!
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Jun 21, 2017 16:01
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crabrock posted:i'll probably fail again but i really want to not to plz cover me. 
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Jun 21, 2017 22:55
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In
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Jun 22, 2017 18:40
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In. Cover me like a Bruce Springsteen tribute band.
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Jun 22, 2017 21:24
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| # ? Jan 24, 2025 23:50 |
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Fumblemouse posted:In. Cover me like a Bruce Springsteen tribute band. 
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Jun 22, 2017 21:47
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