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DavidAlltheTime

All David...all the TIME!
A portrait studio where they give really niche directions to people getting their pictures taken:

"Now, give me a 'I'm in the mood for a salad' expression"
"That's it, that's it, just give me a little more 'swingset'"
"So now you're Jesus, but it's your mom's birthday, and you didn't forget a card, but you wrote a typo in it. Show me that!"

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Starman Super DX

This title text is surprisingly sturdy.

DavidAlltheTime posted:

A portrait studio where they give really niche directions to people getting their pictures taken:

"Now, give me a 'I'm in the mood for a salad' expression"
"That's it, that's it, just give me a little more 'swingset'"
"So now you're Jesus, but it's your mom's birthday, and you didn't forget a card, but you wrote a typo in it. Show me that!"

haha


"Alright now how about you give me a nice 'seeing a high school friend for the first time in years and just now learning that they've become a sex worker'... Perfect!" *click*

Tell me more!
btw ty Birdcon for the sweet spring sig

DavidAlltheTime

All David...all the TIME!
"Can you tilt your head a little to the left? Now, imagine you ate a lot of bread, about three hours ago.. that's it! Perfect!" *click*

Starman Super DX

This title text is surprisingly sturdy.
"Now if you can just show me enraged with just a touch of contemplative bemusement?"

Tell me more!
btw ty Birdcon for the sweet spring sig

Twenty Four


ShinyBirdTeeth posted:

a selfie of me thinking about math i could do in high school but can't do now


DavidAlltheTime posted:

A portrait studio where they give really niche directions to people getting their pictures taken:

"Now, give me a 'I'm in the mood for a salad' expression"
"That's it, that's it, just give me a little more 'swingset'"
"So now you're Jesus, but it's your mom's birthday, and you didn't forget a card, but you wrote a typo in it. Show me that!"

lol

vanisher

Feel the camera touching your soul, ripping away the protection of anonymity. Your whole existence shrunk into this single moment, to be judged by others. A distilled fact from a multitude of nuance and emotion, two dimensional in the most literal way. *click*

Twenty Four


"You're gassy. Reeeeaaaaaaaal gassy!" *click*

FactsAreUseless

post the thread

Starman Super DX

This title text is surprisingly sturdy.
"Can you give me a good 'just posted a thread on an internet comedy forum'?"

Tell me more!
btw ty Birdcon for the sweet spring sig

DavidAlltheTime

All David...all the TIME!

FactsAreUseless posted:

post the thread

https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3840569

vanisher

These three words can make everything better:

Butter three times

vanisher

I love chew...

"Did you say 'chew'?"

..bacca

Slush Garbo

FALSE SLACK
is
BETTER
than
NO SLACK
Media is reporting a rash of zionist conspiracy theorist outings, shaking Hollywood and the music industry to its core



Reports have surfaced that in 80s Nike commercials, Spike Lee actually said, " it's gotta be the Jews"

vanisher

Worked up a killer resume that I've mailed to various police departments in large cities

"Oh, are you interested in law enforcement?"

*sharpening knife* hmm? No why

Pot Smoke Phoenix



Smoke 'em if you gottem!
I've been secretly replacing my boss's lunches with red clay. He hasn't noticed yet but when he does he's gonna poo poo a brick!

https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4
Sig elements by Manifisto and Heather Papps
Sig File protected by SigLock. do NOT steal this sig!

little munchkin
an itemized list of union demands from the dick sucking factory

----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

DavidAlltheTime

All David...all the TIME!
Demand #69: We demand 69s.

Cubone

Because it never leaves its bedroom, no one has ever seen this poster's real face.
a man shot me in reno would not say why. I bet it was a really stupid reason

Slush Garbo

FALSE SLACK
is
BETTER
than
NO SLACK

Cubone posted:

a man shot me in reno would not say why. I bet it was a really stupid reason

What is this idiot staring at?

got any sevens

by Cyrano4747
A girl named John.

twist: her mom is Martha Stewart

----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

Pot Smoke Phoenix



Smoke 'em if you gottem!
is Shroedinger's mime alive or dead inside the imaginary box he's trying to get out of and if he's dead then is he a zombie because we can clearly see he's still moving and trying to get out of the imaginary box?

https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4
Sig elements by Manifisto and Heather Papps
Sig File protected by SigLock. do NOT steal this sig!

canyoneer


I only have canyoneyes for you
a cashier with chronic short term memory loss that genuinely laughs his head off at the dad jokes that he gets all day because it's like he's hearing for the first time, every time.

"oh, it didn't scan. that means it's free?"

did you find everything OK?
"everything except a million bucks!"

ShinyBirdTeeth

sparkle sparkle sparkle
Minutes from the Home Owners Association in the neighborhood for retired spies and FBI informants.

alnilam

ShinyBirdTeeth posted:

Minutes from the Home Owners Association in the neighborhood for retired spies and FBI informants.

my thrad potential scanner is off the charts on this one

canyoneer posted:

a cashier with chronic short term memory loss that genuinely laughs his head off at the dad jokes that he gets all day because it's like he's hearing for the first time, every time.

"oh, it didn't scan. that means it's free?"

did you find everything OK?
"everything except a million bucks!"

lol

ShinyBirdTeeth

sparkle sparkle sparkle

alnilam posted:

my thrad potential scanner is off the charts on this one

Post your encounters with Shady Bridge, the retirement community for spies and FBI informants in the duly-appointed thread, citizen.

ShinyBirdTeeth

sparkle sparkle sparkle
Strange but true facts about yourself.

This year, like every year, I am grateful for Norman Borlaug the father of the Green Revolution. He saved like a billion people from starving to death. He and Deng Xiaoping are arguably the most important people for fighting poverty in the 20th century.

UWBW

Permanently banned from the Alamo
A guy that is absolutely convinced he is in a horror movie-type situation, but actually it's just normal life and he's super paranoid.


Thanks to Manifisto for the sig, and Koishi for the last one. TVsVeryOwn made the CyberMike.

Manifisto


UWBW posted:

A guy that is absolutely convinced he is in a horror movie-type situation, but actually it's just normal life and he's super paranoid.

this is a great idea. I would actually love to watch a movie where horror movie tropes are constantly happening ("what was that out in the darkness? let's split up and see!") and there's one guy who is clearly hyper-aware of the situation. however it's not a scream-like scenario where he's constantly breaking the fourth wall and explaining the cliches to whoever will listen, it's handled very subtly with reaction shots and understated comments and questions that nobody seems to understand. and, needless to say, nothing bad ever actually happens, which drives the guy even crazier.

sort of a reverse cabin in the woods. the forms are followed assiduously but there is no purpose and no bad consequences. there's just a guy being driven slowly nuts because it feels like he's being gaslighted . . . by reality.


ty nesamdoom!

UWBW

Permanently banned from the Alamo

Manifisto posted:

this is a great idea. I would actually love to watch a movie where horror movie tropes are constantly happening ("what was that out in the darkness? let's split up and see!") and there's one guy who is clearly hyper-aware of the situation. however it's not a scream-like scenario where he's constantly breaking the fourth wall and explaining the cliches to whoever will listen, it's handled very subtly with reaction shots and understated comments and questions that nobody seems to understand. and, needless to say, nothing bad ever actually happens, which drives the guy even crazier.

sort of a reverse cabin in the woods. the forms are followed assiduously but there is no purpose and no bad consequences. there's just a guy being driven slowly nuts because it feels like he's being gaslighted . . . by reality.

Well, the thing is, Tucker & Dale vs. Evil is literally that. Two friendly rednecks have mishaps with a bunch of college kids that think the rednecks are trying to kill them. I saw the movie after I had this idea, but... yeah, someone already did this, and did it really well.


Thanks to Manifisto for the sig, and Koishi for the last one. TVsVeryOwn made the CyberMike.

Manifisto


UWBW posted:

Well, the thing is, Tucker & Dale vs. Evil is literally that. Two friendly rednecks have mishaps with a bunch of college kids that think the rednecks are trying to kill them. I saw the movie after I had this idea, but... yeah, someone already did this, and did it really well.

well then I think the creators owe me some royalties

because that's how royalties work

srsly tho I guess I'll have to see it! it occurred to me that this is not actually that uncommon a concept. I was thinking of the always sunny episode where the gang goes to a ski resort and all of these 80s teenage ski movie tropes keep happening and they're baffled by why this is occurring and why nobody else is questioning it

e: oo it's on netflix

Manifisto


I watched tucker & dale v. evil, and yeah it was a good take on this concept. it's interesting tho, in this take each frame of reference about what was happening (horror movie/not a horror movie) had several people to reinforce or at least act as a sanity check as to their perspective. tucker & dale could comment to each other about what was happening and how weird it was.

I suspect that's essential to making a lighthearted comedy. where a character has nobody to validate their "objectively" sane point of view, that's either a much blacker comedy or not a comedy at all.

UWBW

Permanently banned from the Alamo

Manifisto posted:

I watched tucker & dale v. evil, and yeah it was a good take on this concept. it's interesting tho, in this take each frame of reference about what was happening (horror movie/not a horror movie) had several people to reinforce or at least act as a sanity check as to their perspective. tucker & dale could comment to each other about what was happening and how weird it was.

I suspect that's essential to making a lighthearted comedy. where a character has nobody to validate their "objectively" sane point of view, that's either a much blacker comedy or not a comedy at all.

Well without that constant sanity check you wind up with something a bit closer to American Psycho, I think, where the main character believes a completely different version of reality than everyone around him , and it definitely dips into black comedy territory.


Thanks to Manifisto for the sig, and Koishi for the last one. TVsVeryOwn made the CyberMike.

Manifisto


UWBW posted:

Well without that constant sanity check you wind up with something a bit closer to American Psycho, I think, where the main character believes a completely different version of reality than everyone around him , and it definitely dips into black comedy territory.

speaking of black comedy, there is one joke in tucker & dale that is really super dark. this occurs at the very end, where dale's creepy looking friend in the bowling alley knocks a girl out--deliberately or accidentally is unclear--her friends run away, he drags her off camera, allison asks "should we go help her?" and dale says "hell no" and continues kissing her. while this joke might seem like a bit of a throwaway, I think it is actually central to the movie because it subverts the message that "this is a romantic comedy instead of a horror movie." the creators are at least self-aware, but they are almost daring the audience to simply shift from one comfortable set of cliches to another.


ty nesamdoom!

ShinyBirdTeeth

sparkle sparkle sparkle

Manifisto posted:

I suspect that's essential to making a lighthearted comedy. where a character has nobody to validate their "objectively" sane point of view, that's either a much blacker comedy or not a comedy at all.

I think you're on the money. In Tucker and Dale, the titular characters can reassure one another of their basic goodness and of their basic sanity and the absence of that reassurance turns farce into terror.

I think this plays off of a basic human need for social confirmation (social media is basically an engine for self-validation through peer-validation). That need sits side by side with naive empiricism and rationalism. 'Naive empiricism' meaning that we don't usually pay attention to the fact that we're sensing things: We act as though the external world was just present without any sensory distortion. At the same time, we act like rationalists in that we think the progress of our ideas ought to inform us of something in nature. But neither of those are right and we know it. So the ordinary experience of the world involves an unfounded faith that the world is clear and obvious, a strong conviction that the order of our ideas is itself the order of nature, and a pressing need to confirm the reasonableness of our ideas by getting others to agree.

When any part of that delicate balancing act breaks we freak out as we face the very real possibility that we're completely deluded about the world. There's the Lovecraft version where the world turns out to be hiding a second, incomprehensible world. There's the Cassandra version where you and you alone grasp reality but everyone ignores you. And there's the one you're describing where your ideas and experience clearly fit together to point in one direction, but the world is advancing based on an entirely different logic that you can't grasp. Any of these experiences make the viewer feel cast out of contact with the rest of humanity and the rest of the world as though both thought and nature had betrayed you.

Harold Fjord

by Fluffdaddy
A Kickstarter/campaign to help buy back Jenny's mom's jean jacket that she had to sell to a second hand store. We've gotta get it back before one of those rich ladies up town finds it!

Splatmaster posted:

Santas stacked up high all sitting on each other’s laps telling themselves what they want for Christmas. It’s a human Santapede

:eyepop::popeye::eyepop::popeye::eyepop::popeye::eyepop::popeye::eyepop::popeye:

Harold Fjord fucked around with this message at 19:00 on Nov 21, 2017

----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

Manifisto


ShinyBirdTeeth posted:

I think you're on the money. In Tucker and Dale, the titular characters can reassure one another of their basic goodness and of their basic sanity and the absence of that reassurance turns farce into terror.

I think this plays off of a basic human need for social confirmation (social media is basically an engine for self-validation through peer-validation). That need sits side by side with naive empiricism and rationalism. 'Naive empiricism' meaning that we don't usually pay attention to the fact that we're sensing things: We act as though the external world was just present without any sensory distortion. At the same time, we act like rationalists in that we think the progress of our ideas ought to inform us of something in nature. But neither of those are right and we know it. So the ordinary experience of the world involves an unfounded faith that the world is clear and obvious, a strong conviction that the order of our ideas is itself the order of nature, and a pressing need to confirm the reasonableness of our ideas by getting others to agree.

When any part of that delicate balancing act breaks we freak out as we face the very real possibility that we're completely deluded about the world. There's the Lovecraft version where the world turns out to be hiding a second, incomprehensible world. There's the Cassandra version where you and you alone grasp reality but everyone ignores you. And there's the one you're describing where your ideas and experience clearly fit together to point in one direction, but the world is advancing based on an entirely different logic that you can't grasp. Any of these experiences make the viewer feel cast out of contact with the rest of humanity and the rest of the world as though both thought and nature had betrayed you.

an excellent post. I watched the movie gaslight the other day, prompted by various current events, some of which aren't really byob-friendly. it's an outstanding movie both in its own right and as an archetype for a certain kind of abusive behavior. (I suppose a fair share of the credit should really go to the play on which it was based). when you talk about the "freaking out" reaction, it's notable that there are people who are aware of this reaction and consciously or unconsciously exploit it for their own ends.

thank you for mentioning cassandra by the way, that's an excellent shorthand for the type of structure I was describing.

a very good comedic take on cassandra/joan of arc is the ill-fated television series wonderfalls. that is not really a black comedy, however. part of the reason it's not a black comedy is that the viewer is privy to all of the weird things that Jaye experiences - we're meant to take as a given that there really is some higher power using her as an instrument, which relieves the cognitive dissonance of someone who sees the world in a different way but nobody believes them

way less funny are some of the examples discussed in this article on unconscious gaslighting about doctors and scientists who discovered things we now accept as true but were not only mocked but locked away in madhouses for propounding their ideas. such as:

quote:

For instance, consider the case of Ignaz Semmelweis, who first suggested that doctors wash their hands between treating patients to reduce mortality rates. This was rejected by the medical establishment and doctors were offended by the idea that a gentleman could carry germs. He was forced out of medicine, subjected to widespread ridicule, eventually committed to a mental asylum and then beaten to death soon after his arrival there.

His name lives on via the Semmelweis reflex or Semmelweis effect, which refers to the reflex-like tendency to reject new evidence or new knowledge because it contradicts established norms, beliefs or paradigms.

Drink-Mix Man

You are an odd fellow, but I must say... you throw a swell shindig.

Elderly Jerry Seinfeld with dementia:

"Who ARE these people?"

(He doesn't remember)

alnilam

Drink-Mix Man posted:

Elderly Jerry Seinfeld with dementia:

"Who ARE these people?"

(He doesn't remember)

Everyone around him is like "oh haha Jerry you still got it" and he's like ":( no really who are they"

ShinyBirdTeeth

sparkle sparkle sparkle
Letters from people who would have been goons had the internet existed at the time.

My dearest Martha,

I thought I knew by now every horror that may yet spring from the human heart but this most recent encounter at Antietam disabused me of that notion. I am now quite certain that the depravity of man is boundless in this fallen world and respite shall come only when we rejoin our Maker in his righteous kingdom.

My men and I were compelled to suffer not only the most devastating battle of living memory, but also a yoghurt sweetened with irksome fruit in place of healthsome molasses. I endeavored to explain to the dairy vendors of Antietam Creek the proper methods of yoghurt manufacture, but they proved a most irrational lot and, in their tyranny, banned me from all Maryland creameries.

I have written denunciations to every paper in this land of fools and expect redress imminently.

Your loving husband,

Terrance "Cream Lord" Malmute

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ShinyBirdTeeth

sparkle sparkle sparkle
I feel like I've already made all of these jokes at least twice, so consider this post holiday reruns.

Patron Saints For Modern Life

Timothy of Southie, patron of road rage and fried clams.

Madison della Passaic, patron of logjam traffic.

Uncle Ken was beatified after working a verified miracle: He won a political argument at Thanksgiving.

St. Seaghán, patron of people with names that are easy to say but hard to spell.

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