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Catpain Slack
Apr 1, 2014

BAAAAAAH


Buglord

Lava Lamp Goddess posted:

Met a guy on a dating site. We chatted for a while and decided to grab drinks one night. He was decent looking and we had fun.

Went back to his place afterwards and I laughed my rear end off at his Shadow the Hedgehog collection.

He stopped talking to me the next day.

rude

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Lava Lamp Goddess
Feb 19, 2007



Dienes posted:

Yeah but did you sleep with him?

No, we played NBA Jam for a while and then I left.

Hugoon Chavez
Nov 4, 2011

THUNDERDOME LOSER


Lava Lamp Goddess posted:

No, we played NBA Jam for a while and then I left.

You really shouldn't have left this out of the story, it compliments the rest so well.

Screaming Idiot
Nov 26, 2007

JUST POSTING WHILE JERKIN' MY GHERKIN SITTIN' IN A PERKINS!

BEATS SELLING MERKINS.


Fun Shoe

Lava Lamp Goddess posted:

Met a guy on a dating site. We chatted for a while and decided to grab drinks one night. He was decent looking and we had fun.

Went back to his place afterwards and I laughed my rear end off at his Shadow the Hedgehog collection.

He stopped talking to me the next day.

You were right to avoid him in the end. Silver is the superior hedgehog.

Screaming Idiot has a new favorite as of 18:34 on Nov 23, 2018

Solice Kirsk
Jun 1, 2004

.



Lava Lamp Goddess posted:

No, we played NBA Jam for a while and then I left.

What team did he pick? Did he put the code in to play as Bill Clinton?

MageMage
Feb 11, 2007


T-man posted:

I've never kissed anyone, dated anyone, nor do I have more than one friend. And I'm pretty much at peace with it.

I'll take you on an awkward date and then be your friend.

It's how most of my dates end up anyway lol

DicktheCat
Feb 15, 2011



MageMage posted:

I'll take you on an awkward date and then be your friend.

It's how most of my dates end up anyway lol

You're just too nice. Try being an rear end in a top hat to get that sweet sweet poon.

Stoatbringer
Sep 15, 2004

naw, you love it
you little ho-bot


So first dates can vary between disappointing blowjobs and hedgehog hilarity.

T-man
Aug 22, 2010


Talk shit, get bzzzt.



Sorry, Mage Mage, our views on anime, minecraft, and postmodern anarchist thought would get in the way of things. Signed, a normal one.

And I'm willing to take those odds, so long as there's no blowjobs for sonic fans.

Screaming Idiot
Nov 26, 2007

JUST POSTING WHILE JERKIN' MY GHERKIN SITTIN' IN A PERKINS!

BEATS SELLING MERKINS.


Fun Shoe

T-man posted:

Sorry, Mage Mage, our views on anime, minecraft, and postmodern anarchist thought would get in the way of things. Signed, a normal one.

And I'm willing to take those odds, so long as there's no blowjobs for sonic fans.

I thought we were cool, T-man.

fizzymercy
Aug 18, 2011




Sonic fans value blue balls and would not want blowjobs. You're playing right into their hands.

Screaming Idiot
Nov 26, 2007

JUST POSTING WHILE JERKIN' MY GHERKIN SITTIN' IN A PERKINS!

BEATS SELLING MERKINS.


Fun Shoe

fizzymercy posted:

Sonic fans value blue balls and would not want blowjobs. You're playing right into their hands.

Sonic's genitalia are actually flesh-tone as proven by the furless patch on his belly and arms AND NO SONIC BOOM IS NOT loving CANON YOU ABSOLUTE FUCKERS

DarkSoulsTantrum
Apr 6, 2011

this kills the crab

Sure, they're visually impressive, but a lot of posters find large avatars physically uncomfortable. Furthermore, the owners of large avatars often rely on their size alone and don't bother to develop more refined posting techniques.


Grimey Drawer

Solice Kirsk posted:

What team did he pick? Did he put the code in to play as Bill Clinton?

You should have to put in a code to NOT play as Bill Clinton imo

Screaming Idiot
Nov 26, 2007

JUST POSTING WHILE JERKIN' MY GHERKIN SITTIN' IN A PERKINS!

BEATS SELLING MERKINS.


Fun Shoe

Super Grocery Kart posted:

You should have to put in a code to NOT play as Bill Clinton imo

In every game

Except Sonic the Hedgehog

T-man
Aug 22, 2010


Talk shit, get bzzzt.



Screaming Idiot posted:

I thought we were cool, T-man.

I said nothing of any other sexual activity.

fizzymercy posted:

Sonic fans value blue balls and would not want blowjobs. You're playing right into their hands.

See above.

fizzymercy
Aug 18, 2011




I was making an off-color joke.

DarkSoulsTantrum
Apr 6, 2011

this kills the crab

Sure, they're visually impressive, but a lot of posters find large avatars physically uncomfortable. Furthermore, the owners of large avatars often rely on their size alone and don't bother to develop more refined posting techniques.


Grimey Drawer

Screaming Idiot posted:

In every game

Except Sonic the Hedgehog

The sex mini-games in the old God of Wars would have gotten been real weird with olí Bill rocking the Blades of Chaos

Non Serviam
Feb 25, 2006

wAstIng 10 bUcks ON an aVaTar iS StUpid

I just want you all to know that I watched that video of the worms in the intestine several hours ago, and it's still burned into my mind

AlbieQuirky
Oct 9, 2012



College Slice

Non Serviam posted:

I just want you all to know that I watched that video of the worms in the intestine several hours ago, and it's still burned into my mind



I will never eat bean sprouts again

BattyKiara
Mar 17, 2009


Bad first dates, huh? This happened a few years ago. A co-worker sets me up for a date with her cousin. "You are so perfect for each other, you like the same music and books. After a lot of "Come on, you have got to give dating another try, you can't live like a nun for the rest of your life" I go to meet him for drinks. Bloke looks at me, and takes out a card with a phone number. "It's the plastic surgeon my mum and my sister use. He can fix you too."

That was my last ever date, I decided I'm really done with dating. No interest in any more relationships, and completely passed wanting sex anyway.

SeaGoatSupreme
Dec 26, 2009
Ask me about fixed-gear bikes (aka "fixies")

My worst first date was amazing, right up until it wasn't. Got a date from a gorgeous rock climber when I was picking up wrist wraps, and we ended up getting poo poo housed and going back to her apartment. Everything was going good until she was on top of me facing away and she said "oh no"

I could feel her trying to hold back. She tried her hardest. I was scared to touch her, lest the demons escape.

She vomited. And projectile shat liquid fire. All over my legs and chest. The smell made me cry. She was crying. Trying to take a shower clogged her loving shower. We never talked again.

I've never had a first date to a bar since. I just can't risk it.

Picnic Princess
Feb 9, 2008

I was under direct orders not to die




I don't have any video because it didn't seem appropriate, but I watched a manatee necropsy and it's lungs and trachea were FILLED with worms.

They also inflated the lungs in a bucket by blowing in a large syringe so they could find where a puncture mark was.

Poor thing had been hit by a boat. Broken ribs, punctured lung, ended up really sick and couldn't be saved. Slow down in manatee zones!

EmmyOk
Aug 11, 2013


Skeleton Ape posted:

My first girlfriend was giving me my first blowjob on our first date when she suddenly stopped and said "would you finish already?"

one of the boys tells this exact story but it ended with him saying "maybe I'll cum if you show me your pussy", so crack that out next time

oldpainless
Oct 30, 2009

This post brought to you by RAID: SHADOW LEGENDS.
RAID: SHADOW LEGENDS - It's for your phoneTM #ad



SeaGoatSupreme posted:

My worst first date was amazing, right up until it wasn't. Got a date from a gorgeous rock climber when I was picking up wrist wraps, and we ended up getting poo poo housed and going back to her apartment. Everything was going good until she was on top of me facing away and she said "oh no"

I could feel her trying to hold back. She tried her hardest. I was scared to touch her, lest the demons escape.

She vomited. And projectile shat liquid fire. All over my legs and chest. The smell made me cry. She was crying. Trying to take a shower clogged her loving shower. We never talked again.

I've never had a first date to a bar since. I just can't risk it.

Wow what a lovely date

Sir Not Appearing
Apr 26, 2004



SeaGoatSupreme posted:

My worst first date was amazing, right up until it wasn't. Got a date from a gorgeous rock climber when I was picking up wrist wraps, and we ended up getting poo poo housed and going back to her apartment. Everything was going good until she was on top of me facing away and she said "oh no"

I could feel her trying to hold back. She tried her hardest. I was scared to touch her, lest the demons escape.

She vomited. And projectile shat liquid fire. All over my legs and chest. The smell made me cry. She was crying. Trying to take a shower clogged her loving shower. We never talked again.

I've never had a first date to a bar since. I just can't risk it.

Let's all welcome Tucker Max to the forums.

GelatinSkeleton
May 31, 2013



Mammal Sauce posted:

Let's all welcome Tucker Max to the forums.

Lol

EPICAC
Mar 23, 2001



Not so much a date, but me being awkwardly oblivious, despite very obvious signals.

Back in college I met a girl at a party, an in person, college-specific internet message board meetup. The first party we met at she ended up sitting in my lap, but she had a boyfriend so I didnít think much of it. Her boyfriend only came to these parties occasionally, so this happened a few times. Weíd chat on AIM regularly. I was attracted to her, but she had a boyfriend so I just assumed none of it was actually her hitting on me.

Then she and her boyfriend went on a break. We got dinner couple of times, and were talking on AIM more than usual. Then one night we were talking on AIM, and she invited herself over to watch a movie. She didnít have a car, so I drove over to pick her up. On the ride back to my apartment she told me that sheíd just had her clit pierced. Back at my place we watched the Royal Tenebaums, and she laid down on the couch with her head/shoulders on my lap. After awhile she took my arm off of the top of the couch, and laid it across her stomach, then a bit later positioned it across her chest. Iím not sure why I didnít get the hint, but we finished watching the movie, hung out some in my bedroom, then I driver her home. We hung out a few more times, but then she got back together with her boyfriend, and I got shut down the next time I asked if she wanted to hang out.

If she wanted to bone she should have taken the approach that one of my friendís friends from high school did a few months later. She was in town visiting a few months later, she kissed me on the forehead and whispered ďIíd gently caress you if my boyfriend wasnít here.Ē They had an open relationship, so I made the three hour drive to her town the next weekend and we fooled around. She broke up with him shortly afterwards, and we hooked up a few more times.

Zipperelli.
Apr 3, 2011





Nap Ghost

Mammal Sauce posted:

Let's all welcome Tucker Max to the forums.

Was this a Max work? I was waiting for something about a small dog or a guy in a closet, tbh.

Solice Kirsk
Jun 1, 2004

.



Mammal Sauce posted:

Let's all welcome Tucker Max to the forums.

Hahaha!

Deified Data
Nov 3, 2015



Fun Shoe

EPICAC posted:

Not so much a date, but me being awkwardly oblivious, despite very obvious signals.

Back in college I met a girl at a party, an in person, college-specific internet message board meetup. The first party we met at she ended up sitting in my lap, but she had a boyfriend so I didn’t think much of it. Her boyfriend only came to these parties occasionally, so this happened a few times. We’d chat on AIM regularly. I was attracted to her, but she had a boyfriend so I just assumed none of it was actually her hitting on me.

Then she and her boyfriend went on a break. We got dinner couple of times, and were talking on AIM more than usual. Then one night we were talking on AIM, and she invited herself over to watch a movie. She didn’t have a car, so I drove over to pick her up. On the ride back to my apartment she told me that she’d just had her clit pierced. Back at my place we watched the Royal Tenebaums, and she laid down on the couch with her head/shoulders on my lap. After awhile she took my arm off of the top of the couch, and laid it across her stomach, then a bit later positioned it across her chest. I’m not sure why I didn’t get the hint, but we finished watching the movie, hung out some in my bedroom, then I driver her home. We hung out a few more times, but then she got back together with her boyfriend, and I got shut down the next time I asked if she wanted to hang out.

If she wanted to bone she should have taken the approach that one of my friend’s friends from high school did a few months later. She was in town visiting a few months later, she kissed me on the forehead and whispered “I’d gently caress you if my boyfriend wasn’t here.” They had an open relationship, so I made the three hour drive to her town the next weekend and we fooled around. She broke up with him shortly afterwards, and we hooked up a few more times.

This seems less like awkwardly oblivious and more like a creepy simp hanging around a girl he knows is involved hoping his constant non-threatening presence in her life would pay dividends. Sorry it didn't work out I guess.

Also I'm probably alone in this but there's nothing really AUG about a lot of yalls "In high-school I was attractive and didn't even know it haha" stories. More stories like the leg-shitter tia

SeaGoatSupreme
Dec 26, 2009
Ask me about fixed-gear bikes (aka "fixies")

Mammal Sauce posted:

Let's all welcome Tucker Max to the forums.

Sadly I have no other stories of getting smashed and getting poo poo on, that seems like his Tuesday morning.

I did once wake up naked in a daycare, but it wasn't a stand alone daycare, just the bottom floor of the hosts house. But that's like all my stories. I'm not d8 or whoever

Dixville
Nov 4, 2008

I have always depended on the kindness of strangers.


Ham Wrangler

Skeleton Ape posted:

My first girlfriend was giving me my first blowjob on our first date when she suddenly stopped and said "would you finish already?"
This is a great thing to say to make sure the other person does not have an orgasm any time in the near future

My favorite Harvey Danger song

Sandwich Anarchist
Sep 12, 2008









T-man
Aug 22, 2010


Talk shit, get bzzzt.




You gonna eat that?

fizzymercy
Aug 18, 2011





That is a drat clean circa-1999 Dillard's bathroom, I tell you what.

Granite Octopus
Jun 24, 2008



Parts Kit
Jun 9, 2006

durr
i have a hole in my head
durr


That's past gross and into just plain loving nasty.

Skeleton Ape
Dec 21, 2008



Dixville posted:

This is a great thing to say to make sure the other person does not have an orgasm any time in the near future

It was one of the least erotic bjs ever. I was dropping her off and we were parked outside her parents house and without warning she just started going to town. She was fully clothed wearing a hoodie and kept slapping my hand away whenever I tried to squeeze a boob or anything.

I did eventually finish. Then she said bye and left

Fatty Crabcakes
Jan 31, 2008

HISSSSSSSSSSSSS



The date I was on that ended up awkward because of me was because of the unfortunate confluence of Black Velvet dress, a glob of stray jizz (it went everywhere) and her very, very Evangelical parents.

Other highlights include a girl who didn't know what plutonium was, a girl who I'm pretty sure was going to murder me, a white supremacist, and one girl who was a sex worker and dumped me because I didn't want to be her pimp.

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LingcodKilla
Dec 28, 2002

I ate too much crab and transformed into this.



Peeny Cheez posted:

The date I was on that ended up awkward because of me was because of the unfortunate confluence of Black Velvet dress, a glob of stray jizz (it went everywhere) and her very, very Evangelical parents.

Other highlights include a girl who didn't know what plutonium was, a girl who I'm pretty sure was going to murder me, a white supremacist, and one girl who was a sex worker and dumped me because I didn't want to be her pimp.

I understand because ....

Pimpiní ainít easy.

It also makes you subhuman scum.

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