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DicktheCat
Feb 15, 2011



Stop that. I do not like it.

E: goddamn new page.

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Solice Kirsk
Jun 1, 2004

.



Now pick up a beer can! But by using your weird backwards bendy hand. Not normally.

Six-Of-Hearts
Mar 17, 2009

"I want to break your heart, and give you mine."






Awkward, Ugly & Gross Human Joint Tricks

chitoryu12
Apr 23, 2014





He called it a meat scepter twice.

Picnic Princess
Feb 9, 2008

I was under direct orders not to die




Solice Kirsk posted:

Now pick up a beer can! But by using your weird backwards bendy hand. Not normally.

I've tried but my skin is too smooth. Without fingerprints I can't get a grip on it.

OwlFancier
Aug 22, 2013

It is a powerful visual metaphor for my posting.


chitoryu12 posted:



He called it a meat scepter twice.

I don't think you gain any authority from grasping it, despite what he might think.

cash crab
Apr 4, 2015

all the time i am eating from the trashcan. the name of this trashcan is ideology



Not sure if this counts, but this happens to my thumb whenever I grip anything:




There's another gross trick I can do with it, but I'd have to film it and I don't have the energy for that. Plus, it's not as impressive if you can't hear the soft crunching sounds.

Solice Kirsk
Jun 1, 2004

.



cash crab posted:

Not sure if this counts, but this happens to my thumb whenever I grip anything:




There's another gross trick I can do with it, but I'd have to film it and I don't have the energy for that. Plus, it's not as impressive if you can't hear the soft crunching sounds.

Double jointed thumb eh? I got those. Is your weird trick making it do "the wave" as I call it?

cash crab
Apr 4, 2015

all the time i am eating from the trashcan. the name of this trashcan is ideology



No, I take one thumb and use my other hand to twist it around like a joystick.

The movements are a little jerky, but it's a good party trick. Additionally, my hips are double jointed and I can "snap" them out of place, and I can also turn either one of my feet around so that one foot is pointing behind me and the other is pointing forward. I'll see if I can get a picture of the last one.

e: Walla!



I just want to say it was very hard doing that, holding the pose and then bending over and trying to get a picture.

cash crab has a new favorite as of 02:35 on Jun 5, 2018

Anil Dikshit
Apr 11, 2007



cash crab posted:

No, I take one thumb and use my other hand to twist it around like a joystick.

The movements are a little jerky, but it's a good party trick. Additionally, my hips are double jointed and I can "snap" them out of place, and I can also turn either one of my feet around so that one foot is pointing behind me and the other is pointing forward. I'll see if I can get a picture of the last one.

e: Walla!



That looks slightly non-raccoonish. Iím not sure I believe that picture.

Zipperelli.
Apr 3, 2011





Nap Ghost

A few months ago while at work, some co-workers and I made plans to hit the bar after work. As we were all getting back to the station and changing crews, we got this text to the group message, a picture of the 911 call our buddy was getting sent on, as he was supposed to get off. As well as his mood.



He was not happy that that was the reason he was getting off late. We all had a good laugh about it later when he finally showed up to drink, though, so there's that.

Solice Kirsk
Jun 1, 2004

.



Who the hell calls 911 for that? Just man/lady up and embarrassingly cough it onto your lover's sheets/thighs/stomach and then call him an rear end in a top hat as you walk to the bathroom with strings of it still hanging from your nose. Fuckin' amateur hour over there.

BaronVonVaderham
Jul 31, 2011


cash crab posted:

Not sure if this counts, but this happens to my thumb whenever I grip anything:




There's another gross trick I can do with it, but I'd have to film it and I don't have the energy for that. Plus, it's not as impressive if you can't hear the soft crunching sounds.

My joints are all hosed. Half of my fingers naturally bend backwards almost 45 degrees.

Solice Kirsk
Jun 1, 2004

.



Where'd you buy that amazingly tiny cat?

cash crab
Apr 4, 2015

all the time i am eating from the trashcan. the name of this trashcan is ideology



Solice Kirsk posted:

Who the hell calls 911 for that? Just man/lady up and embarrassingly cough it onto your lover's sheets/thighs/stomach and then call him an rear end in a top hat as you walk to the bathroom with strings of it still hanging from your nose. Fuckin' amateur hour over there.

Inhaled, maybe?

BaronVonVaderham posted:

My joints are all hosed. Half of my fingers naturally bend backwards almost 45 degrees.



KITTY

BaronVonVaderham
Jul 31, 2011


We rescued him on Friday

(for further details, keep up with the Cute Thread)

Nuebot
Feb 18, 2013

The developer of Brigador is a secret chud, don't give him money

BaronVonVaderham posted:

My joints are all hosed. Half of my fingers naturally bend backwards almost 45 degrees.



Mine go back almost to a full 90 degrees and like, I have to make a full effort to make my fingers go out straight.

Elohssa Gib
Aug 30, 2006

Easily Amused

I don't think it's quite as exciting but some people get weirded out by the fact that I can bend the tips of my fingers without bending the other joints.

Panfilo
Aug 27, 2011

EXISTENCE IS PAIN

Cash Crab you are awfully generous to add so much fodder for Elsa's spank bank.

Knormal
Nov 11, 2001



Picnic Princess
Feb 9, 2008

I was under direct orders not to die




Never put smoldering nuts in your eyes.

Put smoldering nuts in your eyes.

Always put smoldering nuts in your eyes.

Knormal
Nov 11, 2001



Kill Danny.

SUPERMAN'S GAL PAL
Feb 21, 2006

Holy Moly! DARKSEID IS!


What is this smoldering glasses thing intended to do? Are we going to see a Bluetooth enabled version on Kickstarter in six months?

La Brea Carpet
Nov 22, 2007

I have no mouth and I must post


Sarah Huckabee-Sanders wishes her smokey eye game was that good.

Bean
Sep 9, 2001


A friend of mine had a gender reveal party where she had a cake with a pink tier and a blue swirly tier because really gender is meaningless and the baby can choose whatever gender it wants and I'm like no, you don't get to be tumblrwoke at the goddamn gender reveal party. You get to either have a pink goddamn cake or you have a normal baby shower. If your baby grows up to be a transdude, no one's gonna judge and we all know you're a super supportive mom to be, it's fine.

If I ever have a gender reveal party I plan to have the cake or the balloons or whatever be orange. Just me, excited as hell, with the orange whatever, and my friends and family ing as hard as possible. It's gonna own.

Bobby Digital
Sep 4, 2009


Bean posted:


If I ever have a gender reveal party I plan to have the cake or the balloons or whatever be orange. Just me, excited as hell, with the orange whatever, and my friends and family ing as hard as possible. It's gonna own.

I also hope you discover your gender someday

La Brea Carpet
Nov 22, 2007

I have no mouth and I must post


Bean posted:

A friend of mine had a gender reveal party where she had a cake with a pink tier and a blue swirly tier because really gender is meaningless and the baby can choose whatever gender it wants and I'm like no, you don't get to be tumblrwoke at the goddamn gender reveal party. You get to either have a pink goddamn cake or you have a normal baby shower. If your baby grows up to be a transdude, no one's gonna judge and we all know you're a super supportive mom to be, it's fine.

If I ever have a gender reveal party I plan to have the cake or the balloons or whatever be orange. Just me, excited as hell, with the orange whatever, and my friends and family ing as hard as possible. It's gonna own.

T-man
Aug 22, 2010


Talk shit, get bzzzt.




Do you identify as a good poster? Because if so you're not cisposter.

cash crab
Apr 4, 2015

all the time i am eating from the trashcan. the name of this trashcan is ideology



Panfilo posted:

Cash Crab you are awfully generous to add so much fodder for Elsa's spank bank.

Is that guy still around? I remember when I first started out here and he proposed an art trade; I fulfilled my end, and he was put on a month-long ban for propositioning a mod.

Bean posted:

If I ever have a gender reveal party I plan to have the cake or the balloons or whatever be orange. Just me, excited as hell, with the orange whatever, and my friends and family ing as hard as possible. It's gonna own.

"Do you know what this party is for?"
"No, I just got this invitation in the mail. Did someone have a baby or something?"
[Bean jumps out from a cake, orange streamers erupt from an unknown source, balloons everywhere]

bony tony
Aug 9, 2013




Bean is coming out as a fan of Dutch football.

Fleta Mcgurn
Oct 5, 2003

Porpoise noise continues.


My gender is early Snooki!

fizzymercy
Aug 18, 2011




I went to the ER because I choked on semen. It hit the back of my throat weird, made me cough so hard I spit up blood, so I started to panic, which made me hyperventilate and pass out face first into a dresser drawer corner. Gave myself a gash that bled everywhere. Had to call an ambulance while I was naked, get laughed at a lot in the ER, and got seven stitches in my forehead. I still have a scar there. A reminder not to goddamn inhale when the dude yells "aahhhh ther it is!" at the end.

I'm weirdly proud of the fact that the dude called me for another date.

fizzymercy has a new favorite as of 10:57 on Jun 5, 2018

girl pants
Sep 21, 2006
I feel a great disturbance in my pants

Bean posted:

If I ever have a gender reveal party I plan to have the cake or the balloons or whatever be orange. Just me, excited as hell, with the orange whatever, and my friends and family ing as hard as possible. It's gonna own.

There was actually a Tumblr joke post about doing exactly this but it was green instead of orange and it ended with the poster locking all the doors and lecturing their family about how damaging reinforcing the gender binary is for several hours

The Bloop
Jul 5, 2004

Booyah




Ultra Carp

fizzymercy posted:

I went to the ER because I choked on semen. It hit the back of my throat weird, made me cough so hard I spit up blood, so I started to panic, which made me hyperventilate and pass out face first into a dresser drawer corner. Gave myself a gash that bled everywhere. Had to call an ambulance while I was naked, get laughed at a lot in the ER, and got seven stitches in my forehead. I still have a scar there. A reminder not to goddamn inhale when the dude yells "aahhhh ther it is!" at the end.

I'm weirdly proud of the fact that the dude called me for another date.

Awkward, Ugly & Gross: aahhhh ther it is!

Anil Dikshit
Apr 11, 2007


cash crab posted:

Is that guy still around? I remember when I first started out here and he proposed an art trade; I fulfilled my end, and he was put on a month-long ban for propositioning a mod.


Nah, Elsa got permabanned in the reddit relationships thread in gbs. He went through a little while of being a decent content poster, illustrating some stories, but hosed it all up again.

Decrepus
May 21, 2008

In the end, his dominion did not touch a single poster.


Picnic Princess posted:

Never put smoldering nuts in your eyes.

Put smoldering nuts in your eyes.

Always put smoldering nuts in your eyes.

Put them in there do not put them in there

hazardousmouse
Dec 17, 2010

That ain't a noodle, chirpy!



fizzymercy posted:

I went to the ER because I choked on semen. It hit the back of my throat weird, made me cough so hard I spit up blood, so I started to panic, which made me hyperventilate and pass out face first into a dresser drawer corner. Gave myself a gash that bled everywhere. Had to call an ambulance while I was naked, get laughed at a lot in the ER, and got seven stitches in my forehead. I still have a scar there. A reminder not to goddamn inhale when the dude yells "aahhhh ther it is!" at the end.

I'm weirdly proud of the fact that the dude called me for another date.

I cackled loudly at this, thanks. I once had to make a somewhat similar ER trip.

I had a gf take a diving leap into my bed only to bounce her skull off a shelf that was installed above the corner. I laughed until she started bleeding all over the place. I've had head wounds before so they don't freak me out and once I had it under control and saw the length of the gash, I told her she'd have to get some stitches. A rather uneventful trip to the clinic except for the third degree they gave me assuming I was abusing her. Don't blame them though, they gotta keep a look out for that poo poo. Hurray sexy trauma!

fizzymercy
Aug 18, 2011




Haha, wow that's awful. That poor girl. It sucks that you got The Questions. My guy got them even though he vomited and fainted at the sight of them stitching up my head.

I wonder how often EMTs put up with clumsy sex maneuver calls?

Sandwich Anarchist
Sep 12, 2008









fizzymercy posted:

the dude yells "aahhhh ther it is!" at the end.

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Iron Crowned
May 6, 2003


I remember hearing somewhere that something like 30% of people have been injured during sex. I did manage to break a partner's ankles once because it turns out that floors are hard

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