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The Mighty Moltres
Dec 21, 2012

Come! We must fly!



The Mighty Moltres posted:

I have other maggot stories too.
Pluralized.

I'm going to

One evening while sitting at home, I felt something fall on my shoulder.
I ignored it, then felt another thing hit my shoulder.
I looked up, toward the vent in the ceiling, and there were maggots literally falling out of it.
I taped the vent up with some packing tape I had, and tried to sleep.
For the next month I could hear their wriggling bodies getting stuck on the adhesive.

I lived in a basement suite below my landlady and her husband.
If they weren't outside drinking tequila, they were in their flat, stomping around.
Don't get me wrong! They were very nice people.
One evening I took my trash out to the bin on the street, and when I opened the lid there were (I kid you not) 5 or 6 Nintendo Wii games with maggots crawling all over them.
I'm happy I was a chain-smoker at the time, because the smell from that garbage can was offensive.
Obviously there was some sort of rotting food in it, because like...

EDIT:
I've got more, but that's probably enough for any goon trying to eat breakfast.

The Mighty Moltres has a new favorite as of 08:42 on Apr 23, 2020

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sugar mouse
Oct 17, 2006



Are we doing maggot stories?

Years ago, my parents went on holiday for two weeks, leaving my nan in the granny flat next door to pop through and feed the cats once a day. My nan was getting quite old then and couldn't see well.

When my parents came back from holiday, my mum (who is terrified of maggots) stepped in the house and felt something crunch... When they turned the lights on, the entire floor was absolutely covered in maggots. Basically, nan had just been throwing uneaten cat food in the bin after it had been left out all day in the sun and the maggots had gone crazy for a few weeks.

Mum said it took weeks to get rid of them and kept finding them crawling out from the carpet. I'm amazed they didn't just turn around and get a hotel until some bug people had dealt with it.

i must compose
Jul 4, 2010

that crazy Congress woman

My mom used to be a social worker and when she went to do a wellness check on a kid one time she thought the walls were painted brown in one room but immediately realized they were just covered with roaches.

Sleve McDichael
Feb 11, 2019

~nice~


i must compose posted:

My mom used to be a social worker and when she went to do a wellness check on a kid one time she thought the walls were painted brown in one room but immediately realized they were just covered with roaches.

Nooo, gently caress no


Maggots, go hog wild. Roaches? Burn the loving house down and salt the ashes

Humphreys
Jan 26, 2013

We conceived a way to use my mother as a porn mule







sugar mouse posted:

Are we doing maggot stories?

I was sleeping (passed out) on the kitchen floor after a big night partying in my 20s. When I awoke noticed a lot of rice. "WTF, did I spill rice all over the place drunk?"

No, the whole kitchen exploded with maggots from the bin.

RoboRodent
Sep 19, 2012



When I was in my early twenties I lived with my mom in her condo, and we had an unfinished basement that was mostly used for storage and laundry. Well, one day we started smelling a bad smell in the basement we couldn't track down. Initially mom thought it was the cat litter, so the cat box got a full empty and scrub, and that seemed to help, only not really, the smell was still there.

After about a week and a half, one of us investigated a plastic shopping bag sitting on the floor near the deep freeze, just at the base of a shelf in such a way that it looked like it was supposed to be there, and discovered that it was full of fat maggots and a half-eaten rotten chicken carcass. As an added bonus, apparently the plastic bag had contained the smell somewhat, but disturbing the contents released the smell into the room with full force. And also the bag tore when we moved it and started leaking.

Our theory is that someone took it out of the freezer to get at something underneath, and then forgot to put it back afterwards. We figure it was sitting there for two weeks before we found it. Neither of us could remember moving chicken around in the freezer.

I actually have a hard time remembering some of the gory details about cleaning that up and I'm wondering if my brain just decided it was too traumatic to try to remember.

TotalLossBrain
Oct 20, 2010

Hier graben!

well how was it? Don't tell me you wasted chicken.

otter
Jul 23, 2007
word.

My dad had an appliance repair business and although he had a short list of, "and when I walked in, there were two women naked, making out on the couch" stories there were more that went along the lines of "I moved the stove away from the wall to unplug it and the whole floor became a carpet of roaches from underneath the stove" stories.
And I live in the PNW where cockroaches are fairly rare.

oldpainless
Oct 30, 2009

This post brought to you by RAID: SHADOW LEGENDS.
RAID: SHADOW LEGENDS - It's for your phoneTM #ad



Spiders, beetles, centipedes, etc donít bother me but roaches offend me on an instinctual level

Bloodfart McCoy
Jul 20, 2007

"The A+ TCC poster
you did nazi coming."





OwlFancier
Aug 22, 2013

It is a powerful visual metaphor for my posting.


Isn't... snape's backstory that he was a massive loving creeper who never got over harry's mam and that informed basically 100% of his life?

RoboRodent
Sep 19, 2012



OwlFancier posted:

Isn't... snape's backstory that he was a massive loving creeper who never got over harry's mam and that informed basically 100% of his life?

Yeah, but it's spun as "oh he's so tragic and noble in his eternal suffering" so people who aren't good at critical analysis tend to take it as presented rather than examining it.

Internet Wizard
Aug 9, 2009

BANDAIDS DON'T FIX BULLET HOLES


The first thing Snape notices about the 11 year old Harry Potter is how he's got the same eyes as the woman Snape cranks it to on the regular

LingcodKilla
Dec 28, 2002

I ate too much crab and transformed into this.



Heís a pretty lovely wizard if the couldnít just make a flesh golem of his dead love.

beanieson
Sep 25, 2008

I had the opportunity to change literally anything about the world and I used it to get a new av


Internet Wizard posted:

The first thing Snape notices about the 11 year old Harry Potter is how he's got the same eyes as the woman Snape cranks it to on the regular

oh no

chitoryu12
Apr 23, 2014



Also Dumbledore's "discipline" was not blowing his plan to have a child die with the hope that his theory about Harry being turned into a horcrux was right.

Tashilicious
Jul 17, 2016

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS


chitoryu12 posted:

Also Dumbledore's "discipline" was not blowing his plan to have a child die with the hope that his theory about Harry being turned into a horcrux was right.

plus also brutal emotional and mental abuse at the hands of his guardians were fine as long as Dumbeldore got his weapon.

canyoneer
Sep 13, 2005


I only have canyoneyes for you


Harry Potter was a trust fund kid who grew up to be a cop so you can see why Pete Butt likes him

pentyne
Nov 7, 2012

I just couldn't look at your old avatar anymore
Fucking nauseating!


RoboRodent posted:

Yeah, but it's spun as "oh he's so tragic and noble in his eternal suffering" so people who aren't good at critical analysis tend to take it as presented rather than examining it.

He's alt right incel who bemoaned the loss of his high school crush to the alpha jock and spent the next 25 years crying about it.

He "turned" on the alt right Nazi leader because he killed Snapes precious waifu, spent the next 20 years being a mean cruel rear end in a top hat to children and then died pointlessly and begged the son of his nemesis to see his version of the story and somehow people thought it was brave and heroic.

Pretend to be a Nazi for 20 years engaging in tons of Nazi activity and support, be called brave because the more bad Nazi kills you to prove a point, boom Hero of the Ages.

beanieson
Sep 25, 2008

I had the opportunity to change literally anything about the world and I used it to get a new av


Iím more and more glad that Iíve never read these books meant for children.

Nostradingus
Jul 13, 2009



beanieson posted:

I’m more and more glad that I’ve never read these books meant for children.

They're perfectly fine, when you're a child.

oldpainless
Oct 30, 2009

This post brought to you by RAID: SHADOW LEGENDS.
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beanieson posted:

Iím more and more glad that Iíve never read these books meant for children.

Snapes character was so bad playing him literally killed Alan rickman, the guy who played the very bad character Snape.

canyoneer
Sep 13, 2005


I only have canyoneyes for you


The Mighty Moltres posted:

I have other maggot stories too.
Pluralized.


I also would like to share my maggot story.
I live in a place with mandatory military service at a certain age. It's something of a shared cultural experience,†you can probably guess where. I was in an infantry unit.

We were on an exercise for four days, with long marches and maneuvering. Pretty uncomfortable stuff, but we were all young and full of energy. Our officer that we all respected a lot had gotten replaced midway through, and so we were all stuck with this new (to us) guy. Very old school, thought that good leadership was yelling louder than everyone else. One day in, the rations started to have suspicious holes in it. Turns out, they were all infested with maggots. So we had to pick out the maggots when we ate that gross stuff that could barely be called bread for the prior three days.

We were nearly done with the objective, and very close to ending the march and being done with the exercise. Which was great, because, you know, maggots in the food.†One of the the platoon leaders (who was kind of a jerk, but in a good way and was pretty well liked) had an idea of getting some better food for us but it was not exactly within the parameters that command had set up.
The jerk captain was having none of it. Tensions were really high, and he was shouting at the platoon leader in front of everyone else. It was really awkward and unprofessional, and I was sure I was going to see them start taking swings at each other.In the end, the captain found another solution to replace our maggoty bread that was almost the same as the platoon leader was proposing, but of course it had to be his idea.
You've never seen guys devour anything as quickly as those guys did once they didn't have to eat the maggot food anymore.
It turned into kind of a funny story in the end, though the entire thing was overall a bad experience because the Rohirrim attacked and killed most of us and the hobbits escaped into the enchanted forest.

Chris Pistols
Oct 20, 2008

Piss Crystals


oldpainless posted:

Spiders, beetles, centipedes, etc donít bother me but roaches offend me on an instinctual level



Edit: ^ Horrible, most horrible.

Chris Pistols has a new favorite as of 22:16 on Apr 23, 2020

beanieson
Sep 25, 2008

I had the opportunity to change literally anything about the world and I used it to get a new av


oldpainless posted:

Snapes character was so bad playing him literally killed Alan rickman, the guy who played the very bad character Snape.

This is terrible because Alan Rickman was wonderful

HiroProtagonist
May 7, 2007

This is an accurate representation of my current level of enjoyment.


canyoneer posted:

Harry Potter was a trust fund kid who grew up to be a cop so you can see why Pete Butt likes him

steinrokkan
Apr 2, 2011



Soiled Meat

beanieson posted:

This is terrible because Alan Rickman was wonderful

Yet he is tainted in death by the evil magics of J K Rowling. It reminds me of the bit in Harry Potter and The Prisoner of Azkaban where

eating only apples
Dec 12, 2009

Shall we dance?



canyoneer posted:

I also would like to share my maggot story.
I live in a place with mandatory military service at a certain age. It's something of a shared cultural experience,†you can probably guess where. I was in an infantry unit.

We were on an exercise for four days, with long marches and maneuvering. Pretty uncomfortable stuff, but we were all young and full of energy. Our officer that we all respected a lot had gotten replaced midway through, and so we were all stuck with this new (to us) guy. Very old school, thought that good leadership was yelling louder than everyone else. One day in, the rations started to have suspicious holes in it. Turns out, they were all infested with maggots. So we had to pick out the maggots when we ate that gross stuff that could barely be called bread for the prior three days.

We were nearly done with the objective, and very close to ending the march and being done with the exercise. Which was great, because, you know, maggots in the food.†One of the the platoon leaders (who was kind of a jerk, but in a good way and was pretty well liked) had an idea of getting some better food for us but it was not exactly within the parameters that command had set up.
The jerk captain was having none of it. Tensions were really high, and he was shouting at the platoon leader in front of everyone else. It was really awkward and unprofessional, and I was sure I was going to see them start taking swings at each other.In the end, the captain found another solution to replace our maggoty bread that was almost the same as the platoon leader was proposing, but of course it had to be his idea.
You've never seen guys devour anything as quickly as those guys did once they didn't have to eat the maggot food anymore.
It turned into kind of a funny story in the end, though the entire thing was overall a bad experience because the Rohirrim attacked and killed most of us and the hobbits escaped into the enchanted forest.

this is great

DandyLion
Jun 24, 2010
disrespectul Deciever


steinrokkan posted:

Yet he is tainted in death by the evil magics of J K Rowling. It reminds me of the bit in Harry Potter and The Prisoner of Azkaban where

You better magic that poo poo right on outta here!

Sludge Tank
Jul 31, 2007


Solice Kirsk
Jun 1, 2004

.




Thoughts and prayers to the elastic in those socks.

DrBouvenstein
Feb 28, 2007

I think I'm a doctor, but that doesn't make me a doctor. This fancy avatar does.



People have gone over the incel 'love' of snape, but when did Dumbledore have any discipline? Dude rewarded rule breaking with house points.

And Harry's courage? How much courage does it take to go up against the wizard who you know can't kill you? At least for 6 out of 7 books.

At least choose, like, Neville or Luna for a good example of courage.

Nuebot
Feb 18, 2013

The developer of Brigador is a secret chud, don't give him money

DrBouvenstein posted:

People have gone over the incel 'love' of snape, but when did Dumbledore have any discipline? Dude rewarded rule breaking with house points.

And Harry's courage? How much courage does it take to go up against the wizard who you know can't kill you? At least for 6 out of 7 books.

At least choose, like, Neville or Luna for a good example of courage.

There was the time he told baby wizard hitler that stealing was bad.

Bloodfart McCoy
Jul 20, 2007

"The A+ TCC poster
you did nazi coming."





Iím sorry I even posted that now.

chitoryu12
Apr 23, 2014



DrBouvenstein posted:

People have gone over the incel 'love' of snape, but when did Dumbledore have any discipline? Dude rewarded rule breaking with house points.

And Harry's courage? How much courage does it take to go up against the wizard who you know can't kill you? At least for 6 out of 7 books.

At least choose, like, Neville or Luna for a good example of courage.

Harry does lose that protection at the end of 4, but also Dumbledore intentionally never told him that he was always going to be a sacrificial lamb. He just let everything progress until Harry would have no choice but to die, then appeared to him in purgatory and went "All right, now you get to choose if you actually die or save the world."

Inceltown
Aug 6, 2019








I haven't seen the movies / read the books yet so can we please stop posting spoilers.

beanieson
Sep 25, 2008

I had the opportunity to change literally anything about the world and I used it to get a new av


Inceltown posted:

I haven't seen the movies / read the books yet so can we please stop posting spoilers.

Harry is a wizard

Dillbag
Mar 4, 2007

Click here to join Lem Lee in the Hell Of Being Cut To Pieces


Nap Ghost

Snape kills Dumbledore

Pigsfeet on Rye
Oct 22, 2008

I'm meat on the hoof



Harry kills Voldemort

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AlbieQuirky
Oct 9, 2012



College Slice

Moby Dick kills Ahab

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