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Jun 25, 2019 19:09
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Jun 25, 2019 19:14
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Jun 25, 2019 20:19
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Jun 25, 2019 20:22
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Jun 25, 2019 21:41
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Crits for Week CCCLIX: Who we are to one another Trophy by Derp This feels like an epilogue to a longer story, but you manage to set up some world building and Berenger’s character pretty well. Having the CEO fire an employee for his own stress relief, and establishing that this is a regular thing, feels somewhat hackneyed. It does the job in the same way having a villain kick a dog in the opening scene of a movie. You did a lot of solid establishment with 1000 words to show how Power is the only thing that your main character cares about and what he does with it. It does feel cheap though. Having his main act be killing the last elephant on earth, and having it be pregnant, and having it be live streamed to the impotent masses who he knows can’t do anything to stop him felt like emotional overkill. She and You by Djeser I liked the format, but it wasn’t super clear to me at first so I had to reread the first part a couple times. It also wasn’t clear that this was a Jungle Book situation, which lead to another read through. Overall I liked it once I got it. I don’t think the pacing of young to child to baby to grow to old works for clarity. It would have been easier to follow going straight through without anything lost. The Student and The Grandmother by Anomalous Amalgam The opener is really muddled with made up tech jargon. It was really distracting trying to figure out what was being described by your terms and I don’t think you really have the word count needed to establish this kind of writing with this prompt. The opener could have been condensed down by quite a lot since it ultimately just establishes they are stranded in space and need to survive on an alien planet till help arrives. The overall story may be good, but it’s clouded with far too much hand waved, ambiguous techno babble to really enjoy. The grandmother’s sacrifice would have held more weight if I had any clue what she had actually done. Consanguineous by Tyrannosaurus I like the story you ended up getting to. Grandma’s jokes about being a werewolf/having wolf family turns out to be real is a lot more interesting than dinner scenes and work troubles. They served a purpose but you spent too much time on them for my taste. This story is 1200 words of boring with 200 words of payoff that I don’t think fully balance the scales. Exuviae by Barnaby Profane I don’t feel like anything happened. There is a lot of potential for where this setting can, it’s a good establishing shot for something, but that something isn’t here. Jothana goes to this hospital after transitioning and suffering from something, two scenes where she meets a friend, and then they sneak out for snacks. For me this piece just leaves me with a lot of questions and not in a satisfying way. It’s a very pretty vignette though. I also have a general crit for Anomalous Amalgam and Tyrannosaurus: Long strings of dialogue. I know I had/have this issue and I’ve tried to actively avoid it but these stories seem far too short to be filled up with long strings of dialogue between characters with little development given to them. That isn’t to say you didn’t develop your characters, just that the amount of page space you have available to give them character means they can only have so much depth. It can be easy and fun to write straight dialogue but most of the time the essence of what is conveyed can be condensed down into a short paragraph or a couple of sentences.
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Jun 26, 2019 00:54
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crimea posted:Wow, great week everyone. I assume it was great, I haven't actually read any of the stories. But unfortunately there has been an injustice done - and to me, of all people. Not only do I get paired with some foolish lout who's only won once, they don't even show up, meaning that there is but an empty thrill of victory. tab is coming due on this one
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Jun 26, 2019 08:16
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In.
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Jun 26, 2019 10:34
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I've had an epiphany about my writing, and why people don't tend to like or 'get' it. I feel like I've been reborn. I have a feeling my next story will be much more enjoyable. I'm in.
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Jun 26, 2019 14:17
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derp posted:I've had an epiphany about my writing, and why people don't tend to like or 'get' it. I feel like I've been reborn. I have a feeling my next story will be much more enjoyable. I'm in. was the epiphany: write better words
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Jun 26, 2019 14:31
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sebmojo posted:was the epiphany: write better words I've discovered 'the secret' and in about eight month's you won't hear from me anymore, because I'll be sitting at a table in Barns and Noble signing paperbacks and answering the question 'where do you get your ideas?' over and over (from God)
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Jun 26, 2019 14:36
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Anomalous Amalgam posted:In, I'll take a flash rule if they're being offered. I'm judgin'. Flash: No lines of dialog longer than 10 words.
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Jun 26, 2019 14:59
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derp posted:I've discovered 'the secret' and in about eight month's you won't hear from me anymore, because I'll be sitting at a table in Barns and Noble signing paperbacks and answering the question 'where do you get your ideas?' over and over (from God) fight me u self-assured PERSON I brawl u so hard in the eye And it's BARNES AND NOBLE ugh I'm so offend
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Jun 26, 2019 15:05
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Fleta Mcgurn posted:fight me u self-assured PERSON Okay. I already wrote my story for this week using my new skills. In fact I wrote it yesterday, because I am so potent with these new abilities that words are spilling out of me as if someone tore up a dictionary into small bits and filled a cup with the bits then knocked it over accidentally. I am already a winner by default but you are welcome to also write a story and put it next to mine, just for fun.
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Jun 26, 2019 15:08
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derp posted:Okay. I already wrote my story for this week using my new skills. In fact I wrote it yesterday, because I am so potent with these new abilities that words are spilling out of me as if someone tore up a dictionary into small bits and filled a cup with the bits then knocked it over accidentally. I am already a winner by default but you are welcome to also write a story and put it next to mine, just for fun. Were the dictionary entries for "chump" and "inferior guy" and "bigger chump" because yeah. Am I not doing brawl challenges right
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Jun 26, 2019 15:11
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I think we need to Otherwise, you have done great. Believe in yourself.
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Jun 26, 2019 15:18
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I believe in us both, I'll toxx if you toxx.
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Jun 26, 2019 15:23
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TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN Hello madam/sir I hereby that I will enter into a 'brawl' (story writing contest) with forums member Fleta Mcgurn (hereafter referred to as the opponent) I solemnly swear that a story meeting the requirements to be set by a judge or judges will be met, to be posted by the deadline imposed by same judge. If the opponent fails to post I preemptively claim the right to call myself the winner, despite perceived quality of my own entry.
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Jun 26, 2019 15:28
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I agree with this. Also, I get to fart on derp's pillow if he or she fails to submit Someone judge this majesty.
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Jun 26, 2019 15:29
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Fleta Mcgurn posted:I agree with this. Also, I get to fart on derp's pillow if he or she fails to submit derp posted:TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN Greetings. A judge am I. I find this contest to be frivolous and without merit. Why are you two fighting? Why can’t you be friends? Write me a story about two people who just can’t get along. They should! They probably need to! If they got along, the conflict(s) that they both need to deal with would certainly be easier to handle! BUT THEY CAN’T! GOD WHY CAN’T THEY? Take up to 2,000 words if you need them. Get this story posted by July 4th, Noon EDT. Optional Flash Songs for inspiration upon request. If you ask for that, you get three, and pick one. Fleta's Flash: The Moon Is Disgusting derp's Flash: Exogenesis Chili fucked around with this message at 17:24 on Jun 26, 2019 |
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Jun 26, 2019 15:40
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I will take a flash. Do your worst. Nothing can stop me.
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Jun 26, 2019 15:44
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I'll take a flash, too. We're not fighting, we're a family 
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Jun 26, 2019 15:47
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Groovy. Since you both jumped in all nice and quick, I'm gonna give you a total of 6 in one post. Claim the one you want, first come first served: Hip Hop Pick: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_JZom_gVfuw Indie Pick: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6JscAwVu2QI Symphonic Pick: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6gDv-jaUUGw Folk Pick: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7M8m4LyFSkE Jamming Pick: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yS2IBMQIjDo WTF Is This poo poo Chili? Pick: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3wGMsOhaPJs Cop your inspiration from your pick in any way you see fit. It can also be based more on the music video than the song itself (if there is one), I don't care. I'm very very lenient with flashes and the like, so just give me some kind of idea that you used your pick. Chili fucked around with this message at 17:24 on Jun 26, 2019 |
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Jun 26, 2019 16:43
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Wtf please
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Jun 26, 2019 16:52
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I will do the symphonic one with the flying brains in space. What a powerful metaphor for the fragility of the human body in the cold deeps of the void. How can humanity ever move beyond the womb of earth? How can consciousness grow to meet the demands of an interstellar species? These and other meaningful and deep questions will be answered in my winning entry.
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Jun 26, 2019 17:19
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Well done, the two of you. Now, get out of here and don't come back until you've got them words.
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Jun 26, 2019 17:23
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butt
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Jun 26, 2019 18:05
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sebmojo posted:
hello crimea said he's giving up but im not letting sh get another consolation prize for putting in the bare minimum of effort the lazy millenial so im gonna take his place and that tomorrow midnight PST ill have a piece in for this brawl
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Jun 26, 2019 22:37
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flerp posted:hello crimea said he's giving up but im not letting sh get another consolation prize for putting in the bare minimum of effort the lazy millenial so im gonna take his place and 
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Jun 26, 2019 23:01
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flerp posted:hello crimea said he's giving up but im not letting sh get another consolation prize for putting in the bare minimum of effort the lazy millenial so im gonna take his place and  
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Jun 26, 2019 23:14
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In.
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Jun 27, 2019 11:00
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In with for Week 360 I need to get rid of this goddamn avatar someday
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Jun 27, 2019 11:37
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sh brawl 1113 words Ghosts flerp fucked around with this message at 01:49 on Oct 11, 2019 |
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Jun 28, 2019 04:14
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I've been thinking about getting back in, but my last attempts ended mostly in me failing to post any words. So I'm in with a
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Jun 28, 2019 04:58
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I'm in
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Jun 29, 2019 03:17
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All right, I'm in.
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Jun 29, 2019 04:10
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Two hours left to jump in, and a handy-dandy reminder that subs likewise close on Sunday at 11 PM  not midnight, Pacific
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Jun 29, 2019 04:12
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yeah go on then, in
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Jun 29, 2019 05:53
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Write em up, folks! Sign ups closed.
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Jun 29, 2019 06:02
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| # ? Dec 11, 2024 12:55 |
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derp posted:I will do the symphonic one with the flying brains in space. What a powerful metaphor for the fragility of the human body in the cold deeps of the void. How can humanity ever move beyond the womb of earth? How can consciousness grow to meet the demands of an interstellar species? These and other meaningful and deep questions will be answered in my winning entry. I have done it. I've finally been able to write the ideas that have been trapped inside me so long. I only hesitate to post them yet, so as not to discourage my opponent. Now, who's next?
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Jun 29, 2019 19:18
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