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sebmojo posted:judgment will occur. Saturday Night, the Cincinnati City Center Sheraton, Fifth Floor 318 words "Dude!" yells Malachi Bloodsong, springing to his feet and pulling on his fursuit head. "This is a private room party." The guy who's just staggered through the door is wearing the jankiest fursuit Mal's ever seen -- some kind of husky or something? Why are they all loving huskies? Over it is a pair of ragged jeans and a torn labcoat. loving fursuit cosplay. The guy's got a sixer of Mike's in one hand, like that should get him in the door. loving newbie. loving idiot. Behind Mal, he can hear the others freaking out and pulling clothes on. There's a thud of a bottle being dropped, then a yell: "CHRIST ON A BIKE, MY SUIT --" Mal pushes the interloper out bodily, making little shoo shoo shoo noises. Mr. lovely Cosplayer stumbles, obviously already half-drunk, but he obliges, and once he's through the door Mal slams it and throws the chain lock. When he turns around, all of his best friends are hiding under the covers of the hotel bed save for Jazz Jaguar, who's disconsolately rubbing seltzer water on pink-and-purple fake fur. MurrCon is ruined. *** As the door slams behind her, Subject N-0058 paws disconsolately at her con badge. Friends, the lab tech had said when she'd sprung her from the cage. She was supposed to find friends here, people who would understand. The bottles she carried were supposed to buy their protection. Why did she fail? Her legs ache. Her eyes water. Freedom is terrible. The hallway is long, N-0058 tells herself. There are many cages here. Many have signs -- signs that mean there might be friends. The first failed, but she has to keep trying. N-0058 wobbles down the hall. This time, she knocks. The door opens -- a subject, with long ears and white fur. "Heyyyyy," it says. "Hey, are those Mike's? Nice." Subject N-0058 steps inside. This time, nobody screams.
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# ? Jan 15, 2019 04:28 |
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# ? Dec 10, 2024 09:15 |
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Week 336 - Best of the Bestiary - Results What a week. We've had tales of bad roommates and revenge, goats in space and banditos, sacrifice and duty. We've had a lot of stories ending with the protagonist just straight-up dying. We've had some questionable titles and truly suspect dialogue. You've taken the prompts you were given and run with them in some creative ways and a lot of my notes consist of variations on "oh, that's clever". Given the sheer number of entries we had, the quality of stories ran the whole range from excellent to crummy. You made a hell of a lot of work for the Judges and before I go any further I want to thank sebmojo and Djeser again for all their help. We could have deliberated for days but in the end we had to come to a decision. Now for what you've all been waiting for. I'll keep it short and sweet - full crits will be forthcoming over the course of the next week. First of all, the failures. QuoProQuid, Mekchu, BabyRyoga, Tyrannosaurus, CapFalcon, CascadeBeta and Sandnavyguy - for shame. RandomPaul - at least you withdrew early and for a good reason. Mercedes, the deadline was extended and you still submitted late. You're disqualified but you'll get a full crit for at least not failing. The loss goes to SlipUp. This was a close one but the judges were united in not knowing what on earth was happening. Enjoy your new losertar and try again next week. The dishonorable mentions go to Simply Simon, Bolt Crank, McSlaughter and Chairchucker. The honorable mentions go to Pham Nuwen, Anomalous Blowout, Entenzahn and Benny Profane. Good work! The winner this week is none other than Antivehicular for a great non-literal use of the prompt and a story that was, in the words of one judge, "cool and weird". Things were close at this end of the results too. Crisp, clear dialogue and efficient worldbuilding helped you pull ahead just enough to win. Congratulations! Please take you seat on the blood throne.
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# ? Jan 15, 2019 15:25 |
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Like... you guys didn't get that he tricked someone into confessing his secrets or...
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# ? Jan 15, 2019 15:36 |
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SlipUp posted:Like... you guys didn't get that he tricked someone into confessing his secrets or... Here's my crit: look at the sentence "Ed clicked his tongue relieved, and a bang was heard on the window." and contemplate what's wrong with it. Judges, thanks for the extremely fast judgement post! Excellent prompt, too. I had fun with it.
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# ? Jan 15, 2019 15:40 |
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SlipUp posted:Like... you guys didn't get that he tricked someone into confessing his secrets or... I suggest making a thread discussing your crit, or to go on IRC/Discord to discuss it. In general, discussing crits (save for ty) isn't done in this thread.
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# ? Jan 15, 2019 15:42 |
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sebmojo posted:judgment will occur. “He’s back, you know. My sheyner man,” grandma says as I feed the fire. We’d been butchering sloppy whodunits and equally sloppy cognac all evening. She’d gotten some heat into her and had melted into the armchair. Now she wanted to remember grandpa. A portrait on the mantelpiece, taken before he became ill. A face stamped by a few but deep creases. Playful eyes and a distinctive dark mane belying his age. Grandma liked to relive “the good ones”, memories that made her cluck so deeply that her belly bobbed, forcing Barnaby, may he rest in peace, to abandon her lap. But now grandma seemed hushed. “Ja… I place a glass of cognac, just a small one, on the kitchen floor, and my little sheyner man visits…” I decide against dealing with grandma’s abruptly appearing dementia, opting to knock the bottle with my knuckle: “Just echoes. Fetch another?” Soft snores. *** I rotate my armchair to get a good view of the kitchen, where a glass of Grönstedts waits on the floor. I smile foolishly. I sit in the dusk for some time, half-dreaming. Perhaps the sound has gone on for a while before I actually hear its rustling and scratching, emanating through the kitchen hall from the dark outside. The door handle doesn’t turn slowly, like it would in a sloppy whodunit. It doesn’t turn at all. No - it’s Barnaby’s old pet door carefully being unfolded. Something steps over the threshold, bending itself beneath the flap. One small foot. Two. A naked man, no bigger than the bottle on the counter, scampers into the house. It’s gloomy, but I recognize the furrowed face. The glittering eyes. I stare as grandpa dips his head and pulls deeply. Splashes of amber adorn the floor and his chest as he shakes off the cognac. He sighs blissfully. A muffled sound as my glass hits the carpet. Grandpa’s face contorts into a snarl - but a kind smile replaces it almost instantaneously. He puts a finger on his lips and winks mischivously. The fat rat-tail lags behind as grandpa climbs out the hole. anatomi fucked around with this message at 20:35 on Jan 15, 2019 |
# ? Jan 15, 2019 17:11 |
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My bad. C'est la vie.
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# ? Jan 15, 2019 17:28 |
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Some crits for week 336 I read some of the stories from this week. Having put your poop words in my eyes, I thought I would dispense opinions. If your story isn't mentioned below that's cos I didn't read it because oh god there were so many. You can always ask if you want critt’n, or if you write a crit of mine I'll crit you back. Marks out of 10 are given to give my comments context. If I only said meany weany things but gave you a 6 then I obviously didn't hate it that much. The Lion’s Den by Dolash This is a good little fantasy adventure. The writing is fine. But I think it lacks characterisation. The moral of the story - hunter spares stag, magical stag saves hunter - is fairly standard, so it needed more characterisation of Peter to draw the reader in and make them care about his fate. Who is he? What’s he like? Is he changed by this experience? I’m pleased he loves his horse though. 6.5/10 What’s Spine is Yours by Bolt Crank Lol at that title. This story is better than it has any right to be. It’s ridiculous but somehow the ending ties it all together. It’s hard to make comedy stories really amazing, but this is pretty solid. 6.5/10 Salamander by HopperUK This is good. My only comments are that it is a little slow to get going, and the opening (“when I was small and cried for cold or hunger”) doesn’t match the end (“Let them come for me. I am ready.”) I think it would have worked better if you had opened with the sister comforting the protag because they were hiding from pursuers, or something. Some circumstance where having the power to fight back would be comforting. 7.5/10 A Nugget of Truth in Every Mouse by Simply Simon This is not a bad effort, but I didn't really get drawn into the relationship between the father and the son, so I didn't feel much satisfaction at the ending. The son just seems like a bit of a dick, and the father needed more character, maybe to foreshadow that he was doing the right thing after all. I found the poetic style you've written this in distracting. Are you a bard? Some turns of phrase were a bit Yoda-esque. Are you Bard-Yoda? 5/10 Peaceful Cohabitation by Auraboks BARRYYYYYY! I thought this was funny. I liked the descriptions of Barry and his hapless roommate. But sort of nothing happens, and then he’s dead. I think this needed more of a story arc to make it a satisfying read. 5.5/10 Back from the Officially Dead by Chairchucker Ok so you ran out of words / time. But, I was entertained while it lasted. What does it have to with pelicans? 4/10 The Sun in Chains by Kaishai This is cool but it felt like the idea was too big for the word limit. Cille’s decision to go against her culture and everything she's been taught seemed like it was taken too lightly. Something else needed to happen to motivate her actions, but there wasn't room in 800 words for this. 7/10 Voice Thief by Mercedes My first impression was that this made insufficient amounts of sense. Then I went and read about your medievil beast, and then I thought, ha ha ok this is pretty cool. I like Brad and Dan as characters, the descriptions of this weird wolfy world are cool, and the ending works well. But - and I suspect my entry this week will get pinged with the same criticism that I’m about to give you - stories need to make sense without reading the prompt, even quite a literal prompt like this week’s. Definitely better late than never! 4/10 before I read up on wolves, 7/10 afterwards. Part of the Forest by DJ Dublell This felt like parts 2 and 3 of a longer story. It felt like it was missing its setup; what do these characters want? What is the conflict in the story? And then the ending is very abrupt, there’s no sense of anything achieved or resolved. Not that all stories have to have an arc that ends in resolution, but it felt like this one was needed more to it. But even though it felt incomplete what is there isn’t bad - the prose and descriptions are good. 5.5/10 Ape by onsetOutsider The descriptions of this eerie ritual are well done, but the silliness of an adult suffering serious grief over a stuffed toy kinda killed the story for me. I would have liked more explanation of why the festival was necessary, and more insight into why Huxley was so important to the protag. I was half expecting Huxley to represent a previous lost child, or something, but it seems like the protag is just fond of it because they made it? 5/10 El Oso by Pham Nuwen This is cool, but the joke ending doesn't match the tone of the rest. I also found the action sequence a little disjointed - like they're waiting for the guards to come out, then he just goes and rips the door off anyway. Where are the rest of the townspeople? But still, not bad. 6.5/10 Man’s Law, God’s Law, and Fishy Law by SlipUp You completely lost me with this one. It also appears to have nothing to do with your prompt, apart from random fish references. Opening with a reference to vomit is not a good start. Most of the rest is tedious and confusing dialogue. The ending kind of makes sense but I am left confused about what on earth was going on with the protag and Goerman. I get that he tricked him, but why? How'd he get arrested? What's the relationship between these two? Etc. 4/10 Goats in the Shell by Hawklad This is good space goat fun. I lolled. Baaa. 7/10
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# ? Jan 15, 2019 18:48 |
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SlipUp posted:Like... you guys didn't get that he tricked someone into confessing his secrets or... Brawl
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# ? Jan 15, 2019 19:08 |
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I don't disagree with the loss. That much I figure is done. Just didn't know if it was the plot or the syntax was the problem. Thanks to a couple crits that's resolved. (Its both.) I am frustrated because my first two TD entries were middle of the pack and my last three have been loss-dm-loss. Super discouraging. For the record the, cuz this is bothering me. The echeneis entry said you could use it to delay a legal proceeding. So I made it the lawyer. I'll do better this week.
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# ? Jan 15, 2019 19:14 |
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So is that accepting or declining the brawl challenge
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# ? Jan 15, 2019 19:15 |
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Yoruichi, thanks so much for the crit! Your comments are entirely fair.
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# ? Jan 15, 2019 19:17 |
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Thank you for the crit, Yoruichi! Since providing/learning to crit will help with my writing, I'm going to try to provide input on every single submission. I'd apologize for their quality ahead of time but, let's be honest - every single one of you deserve it for what you've done.
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# ? Jan 15, 2019 19:17 |
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Oh are you challenging me? Well in that case sure. Put these crits to good use.
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# ? Jan 15, 2019 19:18 |
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Flesnolk posted:Brawl SlipUp posted:Oh are you challenging me? Well in that case sure. Put these crits to good use. I'll judge, stand by for prompt.
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# ? Jan 15, 2019 19:20 |
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Make them write stories about your avatar.
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# ? Jan 15, 2019 19:24 |
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Good fast judging.
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# ? Jan 15, 2019 19:30 |
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Sham bam bamina! posted:Make them write stories about your avatar. Done! Slipnolk Brawl In 1200 words or less, tell me a story about what the dead are taking/extracting from the living. You'll be disqualified if it is literal coins from a literal human butt. No erotica, no google docs, blah blah. Deadline is 11:59 MST, January 23, 2019.
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# ? Jan 15, 2019 19:31 |
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# ? Jan 15, 2019 19:32 |
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Thanks, Yoruichi! Your critique is right on, they're things I'll be paying attention to going into the next round for sure. Keen to see what the next prompt is!
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# ? Jan 15, 2019 20:14 |
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Hey, I wanna fight somebody, too. Anyone brave enough?
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# ? Jan 15, 2019 20:23 |
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Thanks Yoruichi!
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# ? Jan 15, 2019 20:42 |
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# ? Jan 15, 2019 21:02 |
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apophenium posted:Hey, I wanna fight somebody, too. Anyone brave enough? I'll fight you.
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# ? Jan 15, 2019 21:20 |
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is this just fight week, no prompts? i guess someone better fight me then
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# ? Jan 15, 2019 21:31 |
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Saucy_Rodent posted:I'll fight you. Someone do the needful! More blood!
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# ? Jan 15, 2019 21:39 |
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derp posted:is this just fight week, no prompts? i guess someone better fight me then loving put them up you piece of cabbage Give me two weeks to submit!
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# ? Jan 15, 2019 21:43 |
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Mercedes posted:loving put them up you piece of cabbage die bish (USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST)
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# ? Jan 15, 2019 21:45 |
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Okay, so, first things first: to complete all my outstanding judge crits before submission deadline for week 337. Furthermore, I'll do crits for Week 336 stories for anyone who requests one. These may be later than the deadline above, because I have like 40 crits to write, holy hell, but I'll do my best to be timely.
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# ? Jan 15, 2019 21:58 |
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Antivehicular posted:Okay, so, first things first: to complete all my outstanding judge crits before submission deadline for week 337. Yeah but the prompt tho
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# ? Jan 15, 2019 21:59 |
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DERPMERC BRAWL I will judge this. Write me a story that starts with at least two characters falling off a cliff. 800 words, 30 jan 2359 pst.
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# ? Jan 15, 2019 22:00 |
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Antivehicular posted:Okay, so, first things first: to complete all my outstanding judge crits before submission deadline for week 337. Prompt
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# ? Jan 15, 2019 22:05 |
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Pham Nuwen posted:Yeah but the prompt tho
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# ? Jan 15, 2019 22:09 |
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apophenium posted:Someone do the needful! More blood! Oh yeah forgot the
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# ? Jan 15, 2019 22:11 |
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Antivehicular posted:Okay, so, first things first: to complete all my outstanding judge crits before submission deadline for week 337. Sure, I'd love a crit as well!
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# ? Jan 15, 2019 22:18 |
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THUNDERDOME WEEK CCCXXXVII: A Dark and Stormy 2019 It's January again, so I want to revisit a prompt from last January that I had a ton of fun with: Lyttle Lytton Week! Let's see what you guys can come up with using really bad first sentences. If you're not familiar with it, the Lyttle Lytton is an annual contest to compose terrible opening sentences for imaginary novels. Your challenge this week is to use one of these sentences, verbatim, as the first sentence of your story, then write a good story with it. To break it down into bullet points: 1. When you sign up, choose a Lyttle Lytton sentence from the archive link above, or ask me to choose one for you. The only restriction I'm going to put on this is please don't choose one based on topical politics, because I don't want to read what comes from that. (Erotic or fanfictional choices are also bad, but I'll let you brave those if you want.) 2. Your sentence should be used, verbatim, as the first sentence of your story. This should be the real first sentence; don't get cute with it by having it be from a bad novel being written by your protagonist, or something. Own it. 3. You don't have to exactly copy the style or content of your sentence, because that would probably lead to a bad story, and I want you to write well. No erotica, fanfic, topical political satire/screeds, archive-breaking formatting, or dick pics. Other standard TD rules apply. Word Limit: 1000 (1250 if you toxx) Signup Deadline: 11:59 PM Pacific, January 18th, 2019 Submission Deadline: 11:59 PM Pacific, January 20th, 2019 Judges: Antivehicular Flesnolk Sitting Here Entrants 1. Pham Nuwen 2. crabrock 3. apophenium 4. anatomi 5. Thranguy 6. Lippincott 7. SlipUp 8. Bolt Crank 9. QM Haversham 10. Bad Seafood 11. onsetOutsider 12. Sham bam bamina! 13. Dolash 14. Devorum 15. Chairchucker 16. Staggy 17. a computing pun 18. theblunderbuss 19. Yoruichi 20. Djeser 21. Entenzahn 22. Simply Simon 23. Rad-daddio Antivehicular fucked around with this message at 05:51 on Jan 20, 2019 |
# ? Jan 15, 2019 22:19 |
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Antivehicular posted:Okay, so, first things first: to complete all my outstanding judge crits before submission deadline for week 337. Also yeah sure crit please
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# ? Jan 15, 2019 22:19 |
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In, and gimme a sentence please
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# ? Jan 15, 2019 22:22 |
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apophenium posted:Oh yeah forgot the
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# ? Jan 15, 2019 22:23 |
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# ? Dec 10, 2024 09:15 |
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in with : "Hugo kissed Rachel like no man had ever kissed a woman; he put his nose deep in her mouth and exhaled." and in'
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# ? Jan 15, 2019 22:32 |