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flerp
Feb 25, 2014

I DON'T ALWAYS
HERDY DUR MUR FLERP FLERPITY
FLOOPIN
BUT WHEN I DO
I YER DER FLERPITY
THURN DER DERMIN
BORK! BORK! BORK!




rft 14 and song 14

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Exmond
May 31, 2007

Writing is fun!

Considering I'm moving in 2 days I shouldn't do this, but

in

Gimme 20 RFT and 20 Song

Edit: I'm here to write, not read a comic book or look at your "pictures". Should have made it excel!

Exmond fucked around with this message at 16:53 on Jul 22, 2019

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006

by sebmojo


central character 3
setting 18
genre 8
song 8
rft 18

Nikaer Drekin
Oct 11, 2012

THUNDERDOME LOSER 2020

In!

Song: 3
Character: 9
Genre: 20

crimea
Nov 16, 2012


Character: 3
Genre: 9
Song: 9
RFT:9

Siddhartha Glutamate
Oct 3, 2005


In.

Character: 14
Setting: 16
Genre: 18
Song: 8
RFT: 2

Chili
Jan 23, 2004

College kids ain't shit


Fun Shoe

I know reading and looking at pictures isn't fun, but please, check the picture before you sign up and make sure the things you are picking are available. If you messed up already, I'm dealing with it, so don't change anything.

Ironic Twist
Aug 3, 2008

I'm bokeh, you're bokeh


in, 7 for character, 11 for song, and 18 for RFT.

Chili
Jan 23, 2004

College kids ain't shit


Fun Shoe

flerp your…

Song is… The Wind Cries Mary, by Jimi Hendrix +156 words and a…. :siren: DIAMOND CAPSULE :siren: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qYAcB_Ph7DM
RFT… TAKES PLACE OVER THE SPAN OF 100 YEARS!

Exmond your…

Song pick was already picked. I’m giving you 11.
Song is… They Reminisce Over You, by Pete Rock & CL Smooth +156 words https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BONgL61snlM
RFT is… A DECK OF CARDS!

Tyrannosaurus your…

Central Character is… HAUNTED! +134 Words and a…. :siren: DIAMOND CAPSULE :siren:
Setting is… IN OUTER SPACE +90 Words
Genre is… Sci-Fi + 98 words and a…. :siren: DIAMOND CAPSULE :siren:
Song is… In the Hall of the Mountain King, by Edvard Grieg +120 words and a…. :siren: DIAMOND CAPSULE :siren:
RFT is… FIREWORKS! +103 words

Nikaer Drekin your...

Central Character is… A TERRORIST! + 67 words
Genre is… HORROR! +90 words
Song is… Bad Times, by The Presidents of the United States of America +38 words and a…. :siren: DIAMOND CAPSULE :siren:


Crimea your…

Central Character is… (moved to 4 since your 3 pick got sniped) A GENIUS! +61 words
Genre is…WESTERN! +26 words
Song is… Bathwater, by No Doubt +195 words https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8k_g9hDeOic
RFT is… (moved from 9 to 4, you missed it being gone) AURORA BOREALIS! +158 words


Siddhartha Glutamate your…

Central Character is… NON-HUMAN + 130 words
Setting is… IN A MICRONATION +101 words
Genre is… FAIRY TALE + 95 words
Song is… (moved from 8 to 10) I Know About You, by Milo Greene +88 words and a…. :siren: DIAMOND CAPSULE :siren:
RFT is… CUBAN CIGAR +136 Words and a…. :siren: DIAMOND CAPSULE :siren:


Ironic Twist your…

Central Character is… Wealthy + 50 words
Song is… (moved from 11 to 2, picked already) I Can’t Decide, by The Scissor Sisters +87 words and a…. :siren: DIAMOND CAPSULE :siren: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=buYrBbwyCGE
RFT is…(moved from 18 to 13, picked already) RUBBER CHICKEN +186 words already gave that one out. You get the last RFT... EVERYONE DIES! +63 Words and a…. :siren: DIAMOND CAPSULE :siren:

Chili fucked around with this message at 17:10 on Jul 22, 2019

flerp
Feb 25, 2014

I DON'T ALWAYS
HERDY DUR MUR FLERP FLERPITY
FLOOPIN
BUT WHEN I DO
I YER DER FLERPITY
THURN DER DERMIN
BORK! BORK! BORK!




Rodent v getsuya brawl

Rodent

This is better than whatever the gently caress you submitted to me last time which is damning with faint praise, really. It plays itself a little bit more straight and is less outright parody, and I think the core concept of a (literal) labyrinthian hospital works both as a comedy premise and as a magical realism premise. However, the big problem here is that you put all your eggs in the dialogue basket but that basket has no bottom and now all the eggs are on the floor and oh god im gonna have to clean that up. The dialogue has no energy in any real way, so it’s dull to read on a surface level. None of the characters really have any personality when they talk, and the setup is technically fine, but executed poorly because we have no interest in the characters. So, the problem with the story is that the base ideas are there. You have characters with motivations, you have things happening, you have complications, you have an ending, etc. But the details of all of those things are boring. The motivations are just there, the things happening are just there, the complications ae just there, the ending is just there. They don’t feel meaningful in any real way and more as things you know have to be in stories, but the main problem is that this story feels like a vessel to tell jokes, rather than being a joke itself. Like, this feels like a stand-up routine that’s trying to act like flash fiction. I’m not against having jokes in a story, i personally like laughing, maybe a controversial opinion, dont know. But, esp in flash, i think you need to have jokes that land with more power. Setups, and punchlines. Using the situation to mine humor in unexpected ways. Subverting sometimes, playing it straight sometimes. Fun characters with funny personalities and having them play off each other in fun ways. I’m not gonna say it’s easy, but I think all of those things can help make your stories be a lot more funny.

Getsuya

This hits magical realism in that Muffin sort of way of “metaphors, but what if real,” and works well because of that. The fear inherent in relationships with the threat of violence always present and viewing other people as terrifying insects instead of as humans resonates really well and takes advantage of what makes magical realism really cool. You also, thankfully, dont get bogged down in the details. You dont try to explain how all of this works which dumb writers might think matter. We dont need to know why insects and humans can have relationships or what happened or whatever. It’s just a thing, and that’s cool. I do think you overstep a few times, like saying that it’s only a recent thing between humans and insects and the pseudo-racism feels like something the story really doesnt need to handle because insects being other people is a strong metaphor for how we as people can view others that mudding that metaphor with “also, insect is a race metaphor kinda too” makes me go…. Mmm idk i dont know if we need that.

My two large criticisms are your dialogue and your ending. The ending is the easiest part so let's start with that. It just kinda ends, and it renders a lot of your story kinda moot. Like, I enjoy the metaphor of insect relationship as being a stand-in for the uncertainty and fear that comes out when you do enter a committed relationship, but then the ending’s like, yeah, sometimes you just get murdered lol. This needed a stronger ending to really make the whole thing stick together, something more meaningful for either the characters or something to push this metaphor into something deeper. The dialogue is… well, it’s pretty boring for the most part, but it’s not terrible, and i think works for the most part in the beginning mostly because of the way you integrate the protag’s thoughts throughout the dialogue, so we get a nice contradiction between what the character is feeling and what he’s saying. But the ending dialogue becomes a bit too trite, where characters are just directly stating what they feel and it starts to fall down because it’s just a bit too direct and i wouldve liked more nuance. Overall, it’s pretty good, but it needs some refinement.

Judgment

Getsuya wins easily

flerp fucked around with this message at 20:27 on Jul 22, 2019

Exmond
May 31, 2007

Writing is fun!

Chili posted:

Exmond your…

Song pick was already picked. I’m giving you 11.
Song is… They Reminisce Over You, by Pete Rock & CL Smooth +156 words https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BONgL61snlM
RFT is… A DECK OF CARDS!

How many extra words for a deck of cards? 52?

Antivehicular
Dec 30, 2011

I wanna sing one for the cars
That are right now headed silent down the highway
And it's dark and there is nobody driving
And something has got to give



In.

Character: 18
Setting: 9
Genre: 11
Song: 5

Yoruichi
Sep 21, 2017


Horse Facts

True and Interesting Facts about Horse




In. Gimme character 5, setting 4 and song 7

derp
Jan 21, 2010

when i get up all i want to do is go to bed again



Lipstick Apathy

is this weird thing in place of, or on top of the regular weekly prompt to be picked by the winner?

Pham Nuwen
Oct 30, 2010




derp posted:

is this weird thing in place of, or on top of the regular weekly prompt to be picked by the winner?

The winner of last week will make the prompt for next week.

Chili
Jan 23, 2004

College kids ain't shit


Fun Shoe

Exmond posted:

How many extra words for a deck of cards? 52?

My bad!

111 words and there's also a diamond capsule in there that I missed! Congrats!

Antivehicular your…

Central Character is… UNDER 18 +51 words
Setting is… IN A HOTEL +26 words
Genre is… MYSTERY +181 words
Song is… Banana Boat Song (Day-O),by Harry Bellafonte +178 words


Yoruichi your…

Central Character is… A COLLECTOR +69 words and a…. :siren: DIAMOND CAPSULE :siren:
Setting is… IN A CITY +160 words and a…. :siren: DIAMOND CAPSULE :siren:
Song is… Kingdom of Rust, by Doves +72 words and a…. :siren: DIAMOND CAPSULE :siren:

Chili fucked around with this message at 20:35 on Jul 22, 2019

Chili
Jan 23, 2004

College kids ain't shit


Fun Shoe

We only have capsules left in two categories. If there is demand, we will do our best to rustle up some more. We'll only potentially do that if folks go in, and request new ones.

Hawklad
May 3, 2003


Who wants to live
forever?


DIVE!

College Slice

IN

Setting 14
Genre 5
and if you do more RFTs I'll take one of those.

Solitair
Feb 18, 2014

This statement is a lie!


IN with Setting 10 and Genre 12 please.

Chili
Jan 23, 2004

College kids ain't shit


Fun Shoe

Hawklad your…

Setting is… ON A FARM +104 word
Genre is… MYTH +43 words

Solitair your…

Setting is… IN PRISON +144 words
Genre is… HISTORICAL FICTION +195 words

Mercedes
Mar 7, 2006

"So you Jesus?"

"And you black?"

"Nigga prove it!"

And so Black Jesus turned water into a bucket of chicken. And He saw that it was good.






In
Central character
Song
RANDOM TING
ALL THE BIGGEST NUMBERS

Chili
Jan 23, 2004

College kids ain't shit


Fun Shoe

There will be one final small batch of new capsules when I wake up. I'm going to sleep for 13 hours

Fuschia tude
Dec 26, 2004

THUNDERDOME LOSER 2019



I'll take a random central character, setting, and RFT once you bring in a big catch. Sorry I can't pick a number but there are none to pick apparently

Anomalous Blowout
Feb 13, 2006

rock
ice
storm
abyss



It makes no attempt to sound human. It is atoms and stars.

*


Sorry for creating extra work for you Chili but due to time zones I think I’ll be asleep when you post the new stuff, soooo. IN!

I’ll take the highest number ending in 9 for:

Central Character
Setting
Song
Random rear end Thing

BabyRyoga
May 21, 2001

Babies don't fail THUNDERDOME

I'd like to go IN with random numbers off of whatever you have left, I guess (if any)?

Liquid Communism
Mar 9, 2004


Out here, everything hurts.




I'm in, with a :toxx: thanks to my last failure.

I will be unconscious when you post, so please give me whatever you've got for a Setting, RFT and a Song once you get new caps up. :v:

Chili
Jan 23, 2004

College kids ain't shit


Fun Shoe

BabyRyoga posted:

I'd like to go IN with random numbers off of whatever you have left, I guess (if any)?

I'll have enough to give you capsules from all of the categories. Specify which you'd like, please.

Chili
Jan 23, 2004

College kids ain't shit


Fun Shoe

Hawklad your…

RFT is… A UKULELE! +99 words

Mercedes your…

Central Character is… AN ATTORNEY +173 Words and a…. :siren: DIAMOND CAPSULE :siren:
Song is… Make Them Hear You, sung by Brian Stokes Mitchell +79 Words
RFT is… AN EGG CREAM! +92 words

Fuschia Tude your…


Central Character is…A MURDERER! +51 words and a…. :siren: DIAMOND CAPSULE :siren:
Setting is…A RETIREMENT HOME! + 117 words
RFT is… A PHARMACEUTICAL TRIAL +69 Words

Anomlaous Blowout your...

Central Character is… ANGRY! + 88 words
Setting is… IN A HOSPITAL +158 words and a…. :siren: DIAMOND CAPSULE :siren:
Song is… Stone Cole Dead in the Market, Ella Fitzgerald +84 words and a…. :siren: DIAMOND CAPSULE :siren:
RFT is…Flight! + 60 words

Liquid Communism your…

Setting is… IN A BAR + 171 words
Song is…Hellbent, by Mystery Skulls + 177 words
RFT is...REAL MAGIC THAT LOOKS FAKE + 89 words and a…. :siren: DIAMOND CAPSULE :siren:

Black Griffon
Mar 12, 2005


Not a complaint not a complaint not a complaint, just a question: crits and judging for last week sometime this week or next week in time with the prompt?

sebmojo
Oct 23, 2010



Legit Cyberpunk






SO RAGE

BabyRyoga
May 21, 2001

Babies don't fail THUNDERDOME

Chili posted:

I'll have enough to give you capsules from all of the categories. Specify which you'd like, please.

Ok, can I do all then?

Chili
Jan 23, 2004

College kids ain't shit


Fun Shoe

BabyRyoga posted:

Ok, can I do all then?

Yup. Thought that was what you wanted. Just needed to be sure. Didn't want to slam you with things you didn't want. Standby for your capsules!

QuoProQuid
Jan 12, 2012

Tr*ckin' and F*ckin' all the way to tha
T O P


:toxx: in

Central Character: 25
Setting: 22
RFT: 23

Doing this on phone, so apologies if I made a mistake

Chili
Jan 23, 2004

College kids ain't shit


Fun Shoe

QuoProQuid your…

Central Character is…PROUD +132 Words
Setting is…ANTARCTICA +71 words
RFT is...FAKE MAGIC THAT LOOKS REAL + 140 words

BabyRyoga your…

Central Character is… A FARMER +170 words
Setting is… VIRTUAL REALITY +186 words and a…. :siren: DIAMOND CAPSULE :siren:
Song is… Silhouettes, by Colony House +54 words
Genre is… POST-APOCALYPTIC+ 188 words
RFT is… A PROPHESY! + 102 words

Djeser
Mar 22, 2013


it's crow time again



Black Griffon posted:

Not a complaint not a complaint not a complaint, just a question: crits and judging for last week sometime this week or next week in time with the prompt?

This week. It has been delayed slightly due to health reasons, but judgement is coming.

That said, as there's only one judge, anyone who does crits for last week's stories will be much appreciated, I'm sure.

Drunk Nerds
Jan 25, 2011

Just close your eyes

Fun Shoe

In. Not sure what's left so please just give me the lowest numbers still on the board from all categories

Djeser posted:

This week. It has been delayed slightly due to health reasons, but judgement is coming.

That said, as there's only one judge, anyone who does crits for last week's stories will be much appreciated, I'm sure.


Everything okay?

Drunk Nerds fucked around with this message at 16:43 on Jul 23, 2019

Chili
Jan 23, 2004

College kids ain't shit


Fun Shoe

Drunk Nerds posted:

In. Not sure what's left so please just give me the lowest numbers still on the board from all categories



Everything okay?

It's all in the picture.

But yes, I will give you the lowest numbers left. Gonna be a little bit. Standby.

Drunk Nerds
Jan 25, 2011

Just close your eyes

Fun Shoe

Oh, I see now. So 21, 21, 4, and 21. Thanks!

Doctor Zero
Sep 21, 2002

Would you like a jelly baby?
It's been in my pocket through 4 regenerations,
but it's still good.

Djeser posted:

This week. It has been delayed slightly due to health reasons, but judgement is coming.

That said, as there's only one judge, anyone who does crits for last week's stories will be much appreciated, I'm sure.

I can provide crits.

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Chili
Jan 23, 2004

College kids ain't shit


Fun Shoe

Drunk Nerds your…

Central Character is… LOST! + 151 words
Setting is… A REMOTE LOCATION! +102 words and a…. :siren: DIAMOND CAPSULE :siren:
Song is… Walk Like an Egyptian, The Bangles +35 words
Genre is… LEGAL! + 54 words

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