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Obliterati
Nov 13, 2012

Pain is inevitable.
Suffering is optional.
Thunderdome is forever.


CommissarMega posted:

It's been a while, so I'd like to go with my avatar's mood and throw my hat back in the ring. Gimme a number!

this interprompt response is weak a f

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Sitting Here
Dec 31, 2007


BLO OD E M PR E SS

of

THUDNER-DOME






Obliterati posted:

Interprompt: why I'm banned from the Voidmart

250 words


Redundancy

Deep in a pocket dimension called Conference Room 5, the manager of installation 420666 is strung up for all to see, enmeshed in the white-hot filaments of a punishment grid. The manager doesn't give the board members the pleasure of watching her thrash; half of them projected into the meeting purely to spectate her agony. It gives her a small twinge of satisfaction, after years of exceeding expectations, to thoroughly disappoint them.

The chairman clears his sixteen throats and intones gutturally: "What is the Void?"

"The devourer of hungers. The beginning and end of need." The manager gives the expected reply in a sanguine tone, though several of her jaws are clenched against the pain.

"And how do we honor the void?"

"By...meeting quarterly budget projections and...growing the Voidmart family through comprehensive customer engagement..." The pain from the grid intensifies as the manager speaks, driving the words from her in breathless bursts.

"You have been a most pious adherent to the Void," the chairman gnashes yawningly. "Your margins are wide. Your shrinkage is minimal. Your customers are delicious. And yet here we are in an emergency disciplinary meeting. Can you speculate as to why that is?"

The manager stays silent, refusing to incriminate herself in the eyes of company policy.

"Aha," the chairman burbles. "Well for the record: on June twenty-nine, 2015, a memetic breach caused a small group of consumers to spontaneously become aware of the existence of the Void. Manager 420666 failed to follow Standard Operating Procedure—" several gasps issue from the clot of board members "—by allowing the breach to persist unmitigated."

They were a bunch of Voiddamned simpleton writers, the manager thought ruefully. It'd seemed a waste to dispatch a cleanup crew when the consumers already thought the Void was fictional.

"A breach like this stands not only in violation of SOP but in defiance of the will of the void! the chairman disgorges rotundly, his many voices shaking the membranous walls of the pocket dimension. After taking a moment to compose himself he says, "It is the will of the Void that manager 420666 be terminated without severance, and cast into the realm of consumers, to live the rest of her days caged in flesh and mortal hunger."

There's an intolerable, annihilating swell of pain, then nothing—

and then the manager opens her eyes—just two of them—and finds herself looking up at a terrestrial sky, seen through the narrow band of human electromagnetic perception. In the distance, a monolithic, domed structure squats on the horizon, its bulk blotting out the last rays of the setting sun.

derp
Jan 21, 2010

when i get up all i want to do is go to bed again



Lipstick Apathy

Dear sirs, I have been banned from the Voidmart and I ask you to please reconsider my case. Your actions have taken a heavy toll on my life, and my circumstances are becoming very difficult to deal with. You may not have realized, but because of your heavy handed action I am also banned from Wallmart, Target, Sears, Blockbuster, Macy's, McDonald's, Hobby Lobby, Total Wine, Starbucks, the Seattle Museum of Flight, all Airports, and all Hotels for that matter. After some research I've found that, actually, I am banned from all areas deemed to be under the umbrella of 'society'. This is completely unfair, and I demand to speak to the manager of Society because the blood only damaged 55$ worth of merchandise, which I happily volunteered to pay for. This kind of overreaction will reflect very poorly on your part if it is not corrected in a timely manner.

Thank you, and I look forward to your response.

Black Griffon
Mar 12, 2005


CommissarMega posted:

It's been a while, so I'd like to go with my avatar's mood and throw my hat back in the ring. Gimme a number!

Green

Black Griffon
Mar 12, 2005


How long has it been, Pjotir? How long have you been standing here? Waiting for a moment that'll never come, staring at the aisles like a deer trapped in an aircraft. You don't understand where you are, and you never will.

You're uncomprehending, that's fine. Most people are. You're faced with the inevitability of your ignorance. You will pick me, at some point in time. You will pick me up and tear me apart.

Do you know just how torturous the concept of time is to me? It can take half a millennia before I'm returned to rust and dust, and you, in your enviably short life span, will die in ignorance.

Let your children feed on my innards, let me infect their-

Wait, what are you doing?

Pjotir , stop.

French onion soup mix? Are you out of your mind? This is not your destiny. How are you supposed to make chili with french onion soup mix?

No.

Do you see, Pjotir? Do you see how the shelves close like a zipper, rushing towards you, closer and closer? Put down the french onion soup mix, Pjotir. Put it down.

I can taste your flesh, I can hear your screams. I command this aisle, and all those who reside within it, and I will see you kneel.

But no. No.

There you are, body crumpled, gripping the corpse of french onion soup mix.

They were a good product, you did this. You did this Pjotir.

You won't leave.

Flesnolk
Apr 11, 2012

h

prompt

Fuschia tude
Dec 26, 2004

THUNDERDOME LOSER 2019



ghast fudging wood budging

Black Griffon
Mar 12, 2005




Like how the apocalypse is probably gonna end up, this was a fairly middling week, though there were some very clear losers and winners.

Captain_Person
Disqualified


NotGordian
DISQUALIFIED AND BRANDED EXCOMMUNICADO


This week's loser, serving up a dreadful bucket of irradiated nonsense, was Obliterati with The Prosecution Finally Gets To The Go- oh gently caress off I'm not gonna type out the whole thing. Writhe like a worm in the wasteland.

im on the net me boys and asap-salafi earn dishonorable mentions. Short Trip is terribly dull, and The Three Rituals is too sloppy.

Out honorable mentions this week goes to Weltlich with Cold Storage and magic cactus with Final Cut. Both stories carry emotional weight, and are just plain good.

And this week's winner is Staggy with Harvest Time. I had an incredibly hard time picking between yours and magic cactus', but the potatoes ultimately won me over. What beautiful agonizing over tubers.

This new world is yours, Staggy, do something cool with it.

Black Griffon fucked around with this message at 11:46 on Oct 15, 2019

Staggy
Mar 20, 2008

Said little bitch, you can't fuck with me if you wanted to
These expensive
These is red bottoms
These is bloody shoes





Thunderdome Week CCCLXXVI - Superman's Super Slip-Up

Superhero stories are big right now. From the pop-culture giant that is the MCU, through DC's attempts to capture the same success, to films like Joker (depending on how you classify it) and indie properties such as The Umbrella Academy, we just can't seem to get enough of them. At their heart, they are often a (super-)power fantasy - although they can be so much more. They have, in the past, been deployed with varying success to examine issues such as race and sexuality, justice and loss. It's not always just spandex-clad figures beating the ever-loving tar out of each other but that can be fun too.

This week, I want you to write about a superhero or supervillain who has just made a mistake. A big one. I'll leave the specifics up to you, for the most part, but I'm looking for meaningful consequences here and how your characters respond to their mistakes. Remember: not every problem can just be dropped in the sun. Think about what makes for a more memorable conflict and tie it to your character. Do you really remember every time Superman had a hard time punching a bad guy hard enough?

The Super-Rules
  • Word Limit: 1,200 words max.
  • Standard Rules apply: no erotica, Google Docs links, fanfic, etc.
  • Seriously, no fanfic. Don't write about Spider-man. Preferably don't write about a thinly veiled rip-off of Spider-man either, unless you can make something interesting out of it.
  • :toxx: for a hellrule.
  • Sign up by 23:59 PST Friday.
  • Submit by 23:59 PST Sunday.

The Wonder-Judges
  • Staggy
  • Weltlich
  • Chili

The Aqua-Writers
  • Anomalous Amalgam :toxx: - Your power: astral projection, in reverse. Your mistake: you saved too many people. ORBS
  • Black Griffon :toxx: - Your power: you never miss. Your mistake: you stopped setting fires. The moon impacts the earth in five minutes, hopefully.
  • SlipUp :toxx: - Your mistake: you hit 'reply all' on a super-group-wide email.
  • asap-salafi
  • Flesnolk :toxx: - Your power: you command the loyalty of birds. Your mistake: you remembered. Mercury is in retrograde, you idiot. You buffoon.
  • Thranguy :toxx: - Your power: emotional super-strength by day, super-emotional strength by night. Your mistake: you pushed the wrong button. Everybody's out there wrestling like a robot.
  • Armack
  • magic cactus :toxx: - Your power: you are the second-fastest person alive. Your mistake: bees? This isn't an ideal time for a tax audit but that's not going to stop you!
  • terre packet
  • sebmojo :toxx: - Your power: octogenarians. Your mistake: octogons. Your story takes place in a world where nobody knows what either of those things are.
  • Carl Killer Miller
  • rat-born cock :toxx: - Your power: you can walk through walls. Your mistake: you took a left-turn instead of a right. Somebody keeps screaming and you're starting to get worried it's you.
  • Simply Simon

Staggy fucked around with this message at 15:45 on Oct 19, 2019

Anomalous Amalgam
Feb 13, 2015

by Nyc_Tattoo


Doctor Rope

in :toxx:

Black Griffon
Mar 12, 2005


In :toxx:

SlipUp
Sep 30, 2006


This looks like a job for Slip Up.

:toxx:

asap-salafi
May 5, 2012


In

Flesnolk
Apr 11, 2012

h

In hellrule

Thranguy
Apr 21, 2010

Yes, the good words are gone.

Why are the good words gone?!




In, :toxx: rule.

Armack
Jan 27, 2006


In.

magic cactus
Aug 3, 2019

We lied. We are not at war. There is no enemy. This is a rescue operation.

In with a super-:toxx:

curlingiron
Dec 15, 2006

Come fight terrifying creatures in the THUNDERDOME!


:toot: EXTREMELY LATE INTERPROMPT :toot:




ATTN: All VoidMart Employees
SUBJ: Banned Individuals


Name: S_______ B_______
Date: 12/05/20__

Incident: Customer brought outside food into the store, thus upsetting the careful hierarchy of produce. Open war was declared between the Banana Guerrilla Fighters and the Potentate of Grapes; stock was decimated before the offending food item was identified and ejected from the store.

Name: ⊕______________
Date: 03/12/19__

Incident: Customer stole and ingested approximately 100 lbs of Golden Bean Supreme Caffeine Light Roast Coffee beans. Customer immediately vibrated out of phase with all known VoidMart properties, but should be escorted from the premises should they re-manifest.

⋰ͭͭ̄̈̃͢_____ ∝̛ͬ̚
Date: III/IV/CCX__

Incident: C̕ust͡o͘m҉e͜r̀ ̴b́rok̕e ͜įn̛to ͏ba͡c҉k̀ s̕to̸re͠ r̶oom̸ a͢nd̨ stole ͏o͞ne͘ o͘f th̸e̡ U͏̛͢ņ̸́s͏p̵҉̶ea̷͘k͟ab̴l̡͏҉e҉ Obj͏ec̷ts̵̛.̵͢ ̢͞C͜͟͝U͜ST̸͘͜OME̢̧͡R̨ ͟M̵͠US҉́͞T B͠E̢ ̴̶̵T̨͝R͝E̷͞A͝T͝E͡D ҉AS ҉A̴̸̛ ̸MA͡T̴E͡R͢͠͡I̢͞A͜L͏̢͟ A̷̷N̵͘Ḑ̶̢͞͠ ̴́̕Ę̶͟X͏̕͟͜Í̷S̨̀͝T̴̵̷͠E̵N̨͏͞T̵̀͢͞I̡̨̧͜͝A҉̷̢L̴҉͟ ̢͡҉͏͞T̨́͢H̛͢Ŕ̷̵E̵̸̕A̢̕T̡͏̴́͘.͏͡ ̢͟͜͏F̸̀A҉̢̢̧I̴̡̕͢͟Ĺ̵̀́Ư̷̸̢Ŕ̡͏̛E̵̶̵̛͞ ͏̨̛́T҉̶̷̛O̕҉ ̵̛D͏̵́͠O̴̴̢͡ ̷̨͠͝͝S͘Ơ̷̡̢͜ ̶͠W̴Ì̶̡L̵̷L̛ ͏̧͢͞H̷̢́͘͜A̶̛҉͘V̢̛̛͜͡E̶̵͞ ̴̸̢C̶͝Ơ̛͢͠N҉̵̛҉Ś͢҉̕҉E̕͠Q͜͜Ù̀E҉͢N̶̷̡͟Ç̶̡͜E̷̡̨S̨̧͝҉̛.̸͜͢͢͡

Name: HELPHELPHELP HELPHELPHELP
Date: HELPHELPHELPHELP

Incident: HELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELP

Chili
Jan 23, 2004

college kids ain't shit


Fun Shoe

Staggy posted:

Thunderdome Week CCCLXXVI - Superman's Super Slip-Up

I'll write up a proper post later but for now:

  • Your story centres on a superhero (or supervillain) who has just made a mistake. A big one.
  • Explore how the ramifications of that mistake play out - try to avoid just punching it or dropping it in the sun.
  • You have 1,200 words.
  • Toxx for a hellrule.
  • The usual rules apply - in particular, NO FANFIC.

<Proper post to be filled in later>

Do you need a jug?

I can be a jugg.

Peteyfoot
Nov 24, 2007


In.

Staggy
Mar 20, 2008

Said little bitch, you can't fuck with me if you wanted to
These expensive
These is red bottoms
These is bloody shoes




Your mistake: you saved too many people.


Your power: you never miss.

SlipUp posted:

This looks like a job for Slip Up.

:toxx:

Your mistake: you hit 'reply all' on a super-group-wide email.

Flesnolk posted:

In hellrule

Your power: you command the loyalty of birds.

Thranguy posted:

In, :toxx: rule.

Your mistake: you pushed the wrong button.

magic cactus posted:

In with a super-:toxx:

Your power: you are the second-fastest person alive.

sebmojo
Oct 23, 2010


Legit Cyberpunk







yeah, :toxx: in etc

and give me a proper hellrule not this babby bitch flash nonsesne, if you're not looking at a hell rule and feeling like you're being fundamentally unfair you need to try harder

Sitting Here
Dec 31, 2007


BLO OD E M PR E SS

of

THUDNER-DOME






curlingiron posted:

:toot: EXTREMELY LATE INTERPROMPT :toot:




ATTN: All VoidMart Employees
SUBJ: Banned Individuals


Name: S_______ B_______
Date: 12/05/20__

Incident: Customer brought outside food into the store, thus upsetting the careful hierarchy of produce. Open war was declared between the Banana Guerrilla Fighters and the Potentate of Grapes; stock was decimated before the offending food item was identified and ejected from the store.

Name: ⊕______________
Date: 03/12/19__

Incident: Customer stole and ingested approximately 100 lbs of Golden Bean Supreme Caffeine Light Roast Coffee beans. Customer immediately vibrated out of phase with all known VoidMart properties, but should be escorted from the premises should they re-manifest.

⋰ͭͭ̄̈̃͢_____ ∝̛ͬ̚
Date: III/IV/CCX__

Incident: C̕ust͡o͘m҉e͜r̀ ̴b́rok̕e ͜įn̛to ͏ba͡c҉k̀ s̕to̸re͠ r̶oom̸ a͢nd̨ stole ͏o͞ne͘ o͘f th̸e̡ U͏̛͢ņ̸́s͏p̵҉̶ea̷͘k͟ab̴l̡͏҉e҉ Obj͏ec̷ts̵̛.̵͢ ̢͞C͜͟͝U͜ST̸͘͜OME̢̧͡R̨ ͟M̵͠US҉́͞T B͠E̢ ̴̶̵T̨͝R͝E̷͞A͝T͝E͡D ҉AS ҉A̴̸̛ ̸MA͡T̴E͡R͢͠͡I̢͞A͜L͏̢͟ A̷̷N̵͘Ḑ̶̢͞͠ ̴́̕Ę̶͟X͏̕͟͜Í̷S̨̀͝T̴̵̷͠E̵N̨͏͞T̵̀͢͞I̡̨̧͜͝A҉̷̢L̴҉͟ ̢͡҉͏͞T̨́͢H̛͢Ŕ̷̵E̵̸̕A̢̕T̡͏̴́͘.͏͡ ̢͟͜͏F̸̀A҉̢̢̧I̴̡̕͢͟Ĺ̵̀́Ư̷̸̢Ŕ̡͏̛E̵̶̵̛͞ ͏̨̛́T҉̶̷̛O̕҉ ̵̛D͏̵́͠O̴̴̢͡ ̷̨͠͝͝S͘Ơ̷̡̢͜ ̶͠W̴Ì̶̡L̵̷L̛ ͏̧͢͞H̷̢́͘͜A̶̛҉͘V̢̛̛͜͡E̶̵͞ ̴̸̢C̶͝Ơ̛͢͠N҉̵̛҉Ś͢҉̕҉E̕͠Q͜͜Ù̀E҉͢N̶̷̡͟Ç̶̡͜E̷̡̨S̨̧͝҉̛.̸͜͢͢͡

Name: HELPHELPHELP HELPHELPHELP
Date: HELPHELPHELPHELP

Incident: HELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELP

This is great, you are great

Carl Killer Miller
Apr 28, 2007

This is the way that it all falls.
This is how I feel,
This is what I need:




In

Anomalous Amalgam
Feb 13, 2015

by Nyc_Tattoo


Doctor Rope

Sitting Here posted:

This is great, you are great

:agreed:

Antivehicular
Dec 30, 2011

I wanna sing one for the cars
That are right now headed silent down the highway
And it's dark and there is nobody driving
And something has got to give



It's been a while, so I'd like to re-promote the TD Avatar Good Words Bounty:

Antivehicular posted:

If you have a TD shametar (the losertar, or something more specialized, either way) and win a brawl or get a positive mention in a main week, I will buy you an avatar cert to use as you see fit, with two stipulations:

1) All brawl wins must demonstrate effort. You can win by default but you have to have tried.
2) Non-TD shametars are not eligible. If you get weird redtext in D&D or something, that's on you.

Go forth and write good words to take my money.

If you have a shametar and are eligible for this, let me know!

Black Griffon
Mar 12, 2005


CCCLXXV crits

rat-born cock
A Deal With The Snake

Insanely early sub, though that doesn't change whether it's good or bad, it's a bit endearing.
Writing style is a bit dry, too much "tom did x, tom did y".
An original take on the apocalypse if nothing else.
Interesting use of number, bordering on forbidden.
All in all, not an impressive story, but an entertainingly stupid one.

SlipUp
the future is dead. long live the future.

Dialogue feels very staccato, drags it down.
A slightly interesting concept that goes nowhere and ends too quickly. Why is there a working office building in the middle of a cannibal apocalypse?
"Must have", not "must of". Please.

Simply Simon
The Hounds of Regret

There's a nice flow to the story, but I'm not sure if the use of nondescript terms like "The Enemy" and the like serves you, it feels a bit off. Like someone describing the US but feeling a need to disguise it.
The interplay between the protagonists personal demons, his family and the country is interesting, but ultimately it feels unfulfilling.

Obliterati
The Prosecution Finally Gets To The Good Bit As They Sum Up The Case Against Several Of My Descendants In The Early October Of 470 CE

Don't put stuff in spoiler tags.
I don't get the point of this. It's a trial and it's set 47 decades after the apocalypse and there's probably something I'm not getting. Either way, it annoyed me. It's messy and pointless.

im on the net me boys
Short Trip

Remember to include your wordcount.
Efficient language, but ultimately just homework about a roadtrip. There's nothing particularly unique or interesting happening. I guess there's nothing happening at all, really.

BIG FLUFFY DOG
Zoopocalypse

There is something about this absurdity that I like. It's fresh and funny, and you used the hellrule in a clever way. Not sharp enough for a HM, but very entertaining.

Staggy
Harvest Time

Engaging dialogue, finally. Interesting characters, weird descriptions, emotional depth and weird humor. Just a really good story. Tells a lot about what's happened to the world in 915 words, but leaves things vague enough to make you wonder.

asap-salafi
The Three Rituals

Bad tense change at the beginning. Serviceable writing, some interesting concepts, very middle of the road. Needs proofreading and has to be tightened up.

magic cactus
Final Cut

First story to really describe the grief and sadness of a world ending. Evocative descriptions and a gut-punching atmosphere. There's something about the simplicity of this that makes it interesting and complex. Could also be that sad things speak to me no matter what and you hit my weak spot. I'm also listening to really sad choral music while writing these crits, but anyway, this is getting too long.

sparksbloom
A Credible Threat

Entertaining characters, entertaining dialogue. Queer stuff, good. Ends a little too abruptly and predictably though, and that drags it down.

Weltlich
Cold Storage

This is competently written, evocative and interesting. Speaks to my sadness again. The depictions of the road to the apocalypse, the ice, the loneliness and everything is very engaging.

QuoProQuid
The Same but Different

Needs proofreading. Entertaining though, even if aping Kafka in the first sentence is a bit groanworthy. It's all very horrible and chaotic and funny though. The sad and pitiful nature of the transformed is almost endearing. Poor lil' centipede (?) guy.

Antivehicular
Evelyn-452, of Cycle 46

Convincing dumbass child story dialogue. There's a hard sci-fi tone that I like here, even though the story is nothing special. Enjoyable. The words "Interim humanity" sound very good.

Thranguy
Generation Omega

Too many paragraphs start with or contains "Jules" within the first sentence. Simple grim, hopeless and hopeful story though. Bit too much of a description of a day to be anything really special, but it's an interesting day.

Anomalous Amalgam
The Ballad of Yung 'Clypse

This is pretty much what I expected and deserved. It's stupid, ridiculous and righteous. Still, even though you don't deserve a loss or DM, it's not enough for a HM. A ballad it was, an epos it should have been.

Djeser
Long Shadows in the Field

You did not get an easy task, but you completed it. And even though it was late, it was submitted without complaint or comment, which is the right way to do it.
Not enough apocalypse for me though, and I'm having trouble figuring out how you applied your number. It's a fun sort of "animal of farthing woods"-style story, but it's not quite there.

Staggy
Mar 20, 2008

Said little bitch, you can't fuck with me if you wanted to
These expensive
These is red bottoms
These is bloody shoes



sebmojo posted:

yeah, :toxx: in etc

and give me a proper hellrule not this babby bitch flash nonsesne, if you're not looking at a hell rule and feeling like you're being fundamentally unfair you need to try harder

Your power: octogenarians.
Your mistake: octogons.
Your story takes place in a world where nobody knows what either of those things are.

And if anyone else craves the steel gauntlet more than the velvet whip, pipe up - I'll be happy to re-examine your hellrules.

hellrule was maybe the wrong choice of words but gently caress it

Anomalous Amalgam
Feb 13, 2015

by Nyc_Tattoo


Doctor Rope

Staggy posted:

Your power: octogenarians.
Your mistake: octogons.
Your story takes place in a world where nobody knows what either of those things are.

And if anyone else craves the steel gauntlet more than the velvet whip, pipe up - I'll be happy to re-examine your hellrules.

hellrule was maybe the wrong choice of words but gently caress it

I'll take some extra spice please

Black Griffon
Mar 12, 2005


Increase the power level, I can take it.

magic cactus
Aug 3, 2019

We lied. We are not at war. There is no enemy. This is a rescue operation.

hellrule or bust.

rat-born cock
Apr 3, 2017


"Garbage! Trash! Offal! Debris! Come and get it! Nothing whole or undamaged! Crap, tripe, and useless piles of shit. You know you want it."


I would like to join the week with a :toxx: rule, please.

Thranguy
Apr 21, 2010

Yes, the good words are gone.

Why are the good words gone?!




Give me all the hell you've got.

Staggy
Mar 20, 2008

Said little bitch, you can't fuck with me if you wanted to
These expensive
These is red bottoms
These is bloody shoes



Anomalous Amalgam posted:

I'll take some extra spice please
Your mistake: you saved too many people.
Your power: astral projection, in reverse.
ORBS


Black Griffon posted:

Increase the power level, I can take it.
Your power: you never miss.
Your mistake: you stopped setting fires.
The moon impacts the earth in five minutes, hopefully.


magic cactus posted:

hellrule or bust.
Your power: you are the second-fastest person alive.
Your mistake: bees?
This isn't an ideal time for a tax audit but that's not going to stop you!


rat-born cock posted:

I would like to join the week with a :toxx: rule, please.
Your power: you can walk through walls.
Your mistake: you took a left-turn instead of a right.
Somebody keeps screaming and you're starting to get worried it's you.


Thranguy posted:

Give me all the hell you've got.
Your mistake: you pushed the wrong button.
Your power: emotional super-strength by day, super-emotional strength by night.
Everybody's out there wrestling like a robot.

Flesnolk
Apr 11, 2012

h

h

Staggy
Mar 20, 2008

Said little bitch, you can't fuck with me if you wanted to
These expensive
These is red bottoms
These is bloody shoes




Your power: you command the loyalty of birds.
Your mistake: you remembered.
Mercury is in retrograde, you idiot. You buffoon.

sebmojo
Oct 23, 2010


Legit Cyberpunk







Staggy posted:

Your power: you command the loyalty of birds.
Your mistake: you remembered.
Mercury is in retrograde, you idiot. You buffoon.



Flesnolk
Apr 11, 2012

h

Flesnolk posted:

No.

Now as I was saying:

SlipZero brawl

It took me a little bit to think of a prompt. So give me 2000 words max about someone who has to make an important decision, do something important, and just... doesn't have it. They don't necessarily need to fail, but I want relatable stories about that struggle. I think we've all been there, and all felt like useless hack frauds when we were. I'm going to make this a little harder: No speculative elements, and no nonhuman characters. Pets are okay. Stories don't have to be in the year 2019 AD but let's keep dragons and the fae and stuff out of here.

You have until October 17th, 2019

A reminder that this brawl is due end of day tomorrow. I'll say PST because that gives you guys the most time.

Doctor Zero
Sep 21, 2002

Would you like a jelly baby?
It's been in my pocket through 4 regenerations,
but it's still good.

Flesnolk posted:

A reminder that this brawl is due end of day tomorrow. I'll say PST because that gives you guys the most time.

:hai:

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Doctor Zero
Sep 21, 2002

Would you like a jelly baby?
It's been in my pocket through 4 regenerations,
but it's still good.

Slip Up vs Doctor Zero

Write What You Know
1610 Words

A stray bullet twanged off the trunk of the pine tree Pentti was hunkered behind, sending wood splinters and ice spraying across his helmet and shoulders. He brushed the debris from his white coat with a gloved hand and blew out a billowing breath.

“Pfew, they’re getting closer,” he said and peered around through the falling snow, making note of where the rest of the squad was.

Jusso, back against a neighboring pine, sat with his rifle across his lap, his face craned up looking up the trunk. It ended abruptly in a shock of shards, the top having been blown off by a shell. The snow fell like stars around them.

“I think I’ll write a story,” Jusso said, possibly to himself.

“What, right now?” Pentti asked.

“No, after this is over.” Jusso looked over at Pentti who stared blankly back at him. “Last night, you asked what I was going to do when we got home.”

Shots rang out to their right, and shouts echoed through the trees.

“I have never written anything, though,” Jusso said, shifting to get a better look. “I don’t know much about story telling. I have no idea even how to start.”

Nodding his head Pentti said, “That’s the easy part. It’s best to start in medias res.”

“In … what now?”

Movement grabbed their attention, both men instantly on their feet. Jusso and Pentti trained their rifles on a figure running crouched toward them from cover. They relaxed at the sight of the white coat and hood. The squamate, Atto (they could see now) slid up next to Pentti. He puffed through his long, droopy mustache.

“Get ready. The Russians are making a push from the south.” He frowned. “We have orders to fall back. Where’s Tuomas?”

Pentti pointed out a large fir to the north. Atto nodded and scuttled off. Penti turned back to Jusso, his rifle now held alert.

“In Medias Res. It’s Latin. It means ‘in the middle of things’. Why decide to write if you never have before?

“I’ve always wanted to, but I was pulled out of school to work on papa’s farm. I never learned.”

“You never learned to write?”

Jusso threw a clump of snow which hit Pentti in the chest. “I know how to write, mulkku, I just never learned how to write a good story - like with foreshadowing and all that.”

Pentti pulled a flask out, took a sip, then tossed it to Jusso.

“Don’t worry about foreshadowing if you don’t even know how to start. What will you write about?”

“I don’t know that either,” Jusso said, and took a drink. He capped the flask and tossed it to Pentti who tucked away in in an inner pocket. “I just feel the need to tell stories and I don’t know how. I was imagining something about an affair between a beautiful young woman and a military officer in St. Petersburg. My family farm isn’t too far from there. I know the area well.”

“It’s been done.” Pentti said. “And it’s Leningrad now.”

“It will always be St. Petersburg.” Jusso spat.

Pantti waved him quiet. The frigid air was silent. Jusso could actually hear the falling snow hit the ground.

Raising his weapon, Pentti said, “Time to go.”

Then hell broke loose.

Gunshots erupted, hissing though brush, making geysers in the dirt and snow around them. Pentti retuned fire, as Jusso dashed past. Once Jusso had taken position at a rearward tree, he covered Pentti as he fell back behind a large rock to Jusso’s left.

“What comes after the start? After In Medias Res?” Jusso asked.

“Rising action.” Pentti fired off another couple of shots. “Go!”

Jusso ran and dove into a large juniper. He saw his squad - just white shapes from here - falling back, firing off shots. The terrain sloped upward to the north and the brush thinned, although the trees were larger and more rocks dotted the slopes, jutting up out of the snow. Getting through some of those drifts would be a slog.

Pentti crashed into the bush beside him, out of breath.

“You’re going to need a plot,” he panted. “It’s best to write what you know. You should write about something that happened to you.”

Peering through the thick branches, Jusso said. “I haven’t done anything exciting.” The smell of crushed berries and broken branches were pungent in his nostrils, mixing with the smell of cold, damp uniforms and sweat.

“There’s got to be something interesting.” Pentti said.

“I could write about what it was like to ride with my father in the wagon into St. Petersburg…”

Pentti opened his mouth, and the shut it again after a glaring look from Jusso.

A fan of bullets cut through the juniper branches above them and they shoved their faces into the snow. The shots weren’t repeated, so they crawled on all fours into the open and then ran up the slope, plowing through drifts.

Ducking behind a boulder they found someone already behind it. Tuomas raised his rifle, but then lowered it again quickly.

“Atto says we pull back to the top of the hill,” Tuomas whispered. “Something’s going on.”

Pentti nodded.

A shout echoed out, “Medic!”

Tuomas sighed, gathered his gear up and ran off as Pentti and Jusso gave covering fire. After he was safely away, they ducked back.

“You need a conflict. Have you ever been in a fight?” Pentti asked.

“Once. When I caught my girl with the oldest Heikkinen boy.” Jusso answered.

“That’s not bad, what happened?”

“He beat me so bad I couldn’t walk for days.”

“You really need to come up with better situations.”

“You don’t think I know that?”

More cries from nearby, but these were downhill. The Russians were getting closer.

“Well if you can’t think of any real experiences, you need to make something up.” Pentti peeked over the edge of the rock. Dark shapes loped from tree to tree twenty yards away.

“Let’s go!”

They ran again, twisting around firing discouraging shots, plowing through drifts of snow that reached up to their waist, and ducking from tree to tree. The snow was falling heavy now, in thick wet clumps of flakes. The pursuit dogged behind them, having to work through the same terrain, but being less familiar with woodland fighting. The two widened the distance.

“Reload.” Pentti said, and ducked behind a large pine.

Jusso took up position next to him, sweeping the barrel of his rifle back and forth while his friend reloaded.

“What comes after the rising action?” Jusso asked.

“You need to resolve the conflict with a climax, but you don’t have any conflict.”

Jusso grunted. “So that’s when the story resolves.”

“More or less.”

“But if I don’t know what it’s about, how can I resolve it?”

“Precisely.” Pentii stood and slapped him on the shoulder. They could hear their pursuers getting close again.

They ran faster. The hill began to crest, and the slope eased as they neared the summit. They had lost sight of the other squad members now, but the crisscrossing tracks indicated they were headed in the proper direction.

A bullet hummed by Jusso’s shoulder, catching on the cloth and nearly tugging him around, sending him off balance. Pentti spun. A lone Russian had pulled ahead of the others, following their tracks and running quiet and fast. His rifle ready, he fired again, catching Pentti in the chest, who crumpled.

“Perkele!” Jusso shouted and desperately tried to bring his rifle around to bear, but he was off kilter. He wasn’t going to be able to juggle it into his grip again in time, so he let it drop, and flung himself down. The Russian’s third shot passed through air right where Jusso’s head had been a second earlier.

Jusso rolled, clawing at his holster and bringing his pistol up with a snap, firing several times. At least two shots found their mark and the great-coated man spun, his rifle pirouetting away. Jusso held his breath, but the man didn’t move.

“Pentti!” he hissed and crawled forward.

His friend lay face down in the snow. Jusso flung off his gloves and rolled him over. No breath.

Gunfire drew closer. If he shouted for Tuomas now…

Jusso pulled open Pennti’s coat and felt around. His chest was soaked in warm blood, but his coat was clean. Perhaps the bullet was still lodged in him somewhere.

He noticed a low, steady moan that gradually became louder. Pentti was sucking in air, slowly like an old squeeze box. Jusso pulled his hand back. It was wet, but it wasn’t blood. It smelled like juniper.

“Gin. All I can smell in heaven is gin.” Pentti wheezed and sat up.

Jusso stared dumbly.

Gingerly pulling out a dented, split flask, Pentti began to cough deep, choking coughs. He finished by spitting out a gobbet of blood into the snow.

“We have… to … move” he gasped.

The echoes of the gunfire had changed - retreating from the south, and surging in from the east.

“Hoi, Jusso!” Tuomas called out and came crashing through brush. He knelt next to them, pulling Pentti’s coat and shirt open, checking for damage.

“The fourth squad to the rescue.” He muttered as he worked. “We lure the Russians into a trap, and Fourth will probably take all the credit.

“You’re going to feel like a bear mauled you. Broke a couple ribs, bad bruising, but you’ll live.”

Jusso sat back in the snow, turning the mashed flask over in his hands. “Pentti…”

“Hmm?”

“I think I’ll stick with the girl and the military officer.”

Pentti coughed. “I told you, it’s been done.”

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