security fuckup megathread 18.19: tooth-factor authentication

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Serious Hardware/Software Crap > YOSPOS > security fuckup megathread 18.19: tooth-factor authentication

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Shame Boy: Mar 2, 2010

i love kickstarter dating profiles

quote:

My educational background and experience.

I have a degree in Electronic Hardware from UCLA and over 35 years of experience in Systems Architecture, Large Integrated Software Systems and some Hardware in various computers, Internet, Operating Systems, BIOS, Device Drivers, Embedded Systems, etc.

i have over 35 years experience in Large Software and Internet and some Hardware but only for various computers

# ? Jun 27, 2019 15:59

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Jun 7, 2023 22:56

Shame Boy: Mar 2, 2010

quote:

What am I planning to make?

�UNHACKABLE COMPUTER� which cannot be hacked in any way whatsoever.

Where did the idea come from?

In a dream.

also which goon works at the patent office again? was it shifty pony? how did this poo poo get got

e: here's the patent, I couldn't find it on google for some reason so i had to dig it out of their website...

https://microsafex.com/patent/

# ? Jun 27, 2019 16:03

Shame Boy: Mar 2, 2010

oh man

so it literally is just two laptops taped together

# ? Jun 27, 2019 16:08

Shame Boy: Mar 2, 2010

ok last quote post, i'm just having too much fun with this thing:

quote:

What�s my Plan and Schedule?

My plan is to build the Unhackable Computer in the first three months.

While I am building the computer with a hardware engineer, a software engineer would be working on the Operating System to be installed on the computer.

All three of us would be testing the computer in next three months.

In six months the computer would be ready for the world. Then, to ascertain the computer�s unhackability, we would beta test it in the real world environment for another three months. In the next three months arrangements would be made with various established computer manufacturers to manufacture this new computer on contractual basis.

After 12 months the computer would be ready for shipping, first to the esteemed supporters who put down their deposits, and then to all other patrons.

gonna build an entirely new computer architecture AND an entirely new operating system in 3 months with 3 people, that sure is an insane schedule, but i'm sure he identifies the schedule as a risk right?

quote:

Risks and challenges
I don't see any foreseeable risks involved in building this Unhackable Computer.
Because:
It only uses currently available components in the USA and other countries.
All the materials used are readily available in the market.
No new materials of any kind.
I have the source code for all the system software that is needed for the functioning of this computer.
In other words, I have all I need to build this fully functioning Unhackable Computer. I would need the help of a couple of experienced hardware and software engineers. I have a complete vision for this project. I have done this before and I don't see any potential problems at this point.

oh right, there's no risk because it doesn't use any sort of space materials that don't exist yet, and i already have all the source code for the software despite not having an operating system yet. oh and i have vision :colbert:

# ? Jun 27, 2019 16:17

Chalks: Sep 30, 2009

i hope he gets funding, i want to see this operating system in action

# ? Jun 27, 2019 16:19

Shame Boy: Mar 2, 2010

oh man on his website he lists the specs:

https://microsafex.com/

they're literally the copy/pasted specs from a macbook, including FaceTime camera and Retina display

what with not being able to find the patent anywhere and this low-effort website i'm getting the feeling this is just an outright take the money and run scam and not a try to make a product and fail miserably scam, which is unfortunate since

Chalks posted:

i hope he gets funding, i want to see this operating system in action

# ? Jun 27, 2019 16:24

Shame Boy: Mar 2, 2010

oh my god there's a poem

i love this stupid loving website :allears:

# ? Jun 27, 2019 16:26

Jewel: May 2, 2009

inject cyber poetry directly into my bloodstream

# ? Jun 27, 2019 16:27

cinci zoo sniper: Mar 15, 2013

Security Fuckup Megathread v18.2 - Long my computer cried in pain: Are all my protections in vain?

# ? Jun 27, 2019 16:29

Shame Boy: Mar 2, 2010

ok i know i said i'd stop but this loving website is the best thing ever

that loading spinner is because the background here is a short video clip that keeps re-downloading itself every time it loops

# ? Jun 27, 2019 16:30

Janitor Prime: Jan 22, 2004; PC LOAD LETTER

What da fuck does that mean; Fun Shoe

cinci zoo sniper posted:

Security Fuckup Megathread v18.2 - Long my computer cried in pain: Are all my protections in vain?

finally a contender for Blow it out your aes

# ? Jun 27, 2019 16:32

Wiggly Wayne DDS: Sep 11, 2010

Janitor Prime posted:

finally a contender for Blow it out your aes

# ? Jun 27, 2019 16:36

graph: Nov 22, 2006; aaag peanuts

cinci zoo sniper posted:

Security Fuckup Megathread v18.2 - Long my computer cried in pain: Are all my protect

only this fits

# ? Jun 27, 2019 16:37

Wiggly Wayne DDS: Sep 11, 2010

Security Fuckup v18.2: Long my computer cried in pain, Are all my protections in vain
what's the precise char limit?

# ? Jun 27, 2019 16:40

Shame Boy: Mar 2, 2010

oh i was able to find the actual patent on the patent office's website, i guess google didn't have it yet. it's PN/10061923 and here's a link that may or may not work: http://patft.uspto.gov/netacgi/nph-...&RS=PN/10061923

i'm not sure why the dude tried to censor the patent on his website - he only posted the first page and really clumsily scribbled out the picture, i guess he thought patents were private and didn't know you could just look them up?

e: ok it has four different "memories" and two of them are ROM's containing operating system software that i guess can never ever be updated which makes this whole thing even more fun

Shame Boy fucked around with this message at 16:46 on Jun 27, 2019

# ? Jun 27, 2019 16:43

BangersInMyKnickers: Nov 3, 2004; I have a thing for courageous dongles

Shame Boy posted:

oh i was able to find the actual patent on the patent office's website, i guess google didn't have it yet. it's PN/10061923 and here's a link that may or may not work: http://patft.uspto.gov/netacgi/nph-...&RS=PN/10061923

i'm not sure why the dude tried to censor the patent on his website - he only posted the first page and really clumsily scribbled out the picture, i guess he thought patents were private and didn't know you could just look them up?

e: ok it has four different "memories" and two of them are ROM's containing operating system software that i guess can never ever be updated which makes this whole thing even more fun

lol malicious code can never be resident in memory or hijack an existing process

# ? Jun 27, 2019 16:49

Shame Boy: Mar 2, 2010

e: ^^ no you see a "user friendly system" will detect it and get rid of it and ban the IP address (?) ^^

quote:

The main advantages of this Computing machine are that; i) It cannot be corrupted. ii) It cannot be rendered useless temporarily or permanently. iii) It cannot be hijacked. iv. It cannot be remotely tempered with. v. The Main Operating System Software cannot be altered, corrupted, or deleted by any outside intruder via the outside communication devices like internet, other networks etc. vi. The internet browser software cannot be altered, corrupted, or deleted by any outside intruder via the outside communication devices like internet, other networks etc. vii. If for some rare chance a virus or malware sneaks into said Machine it will not affect the Main Operating System Software in any way but might impact the Browser System Software. If that happens a user friendly system software will analyze the problem, identify and delete the virus or malware files and ban such files and IP addresses where it came from for future downloads. User has control over which Country and which IP Addresses are allowed to get in and which are banned. viii. The setup and process described in said Computing Machine will provide security and peace of mind for the average user. The businesses will have the confidence that their confidential information such as personal or financial information is secured from criminals including hackers etc. Bank accounts, personal records like medical information, government information like Federal and State income Tax information, Social Security Information, Credit Card Information of the users and businesses will be safe.

so you can't update the operating system or the browser, ever, because they're on ROM, and this is a feature not a bug.

also this is one of the most sloppily-written patents i've ever read, how the hell did this get approved

# ? Jun 27, 2019 16:49

mystes: May 31, 2006

Shame Boy posted:

e: ^^ no you see a "user friendly system" will detect it and get rid of it and ban the IP address (?) ^^

so you can't update the operating system or the browser, ever, because they're on ROM, and this is a feature not a bug.

also this is one of the most sloppily-written patents i've ever read, how the hell did this get approved

Because if it's pointless they might as well grant it and get the money?

# ? Jun 27, 2019 17:09

Volmarias: Dec 31, 2002; I'm sure I'll think of something.

cinci zoo sniper posted:

Security Fuckup Megathread v18.2 - Long my computer cried in pain: Are all my protections in vain?

# ? Jun 27, 2019 17:22

Lutha Mahtin: Oct 10, 2010; Your brokebrain sin is absolved...go and shitpost no more!

graph posted:

only this fits

ship it

# ? Jun 27, 2019 18:28

Shifty Pony: Dec 28, 2004; Up ta somethin'

Shame Boy posted:

also which goon works at the patent office again? was it shifty pony? how did this poo poo get got

e: here's the patent, I couldn't find it on google for some reason so i had to dig it out of their website...

https://microsafex.com/patent/

yeah that's me. unfortunately I am prohibited from commenting on the validity of any particular issued patent.

but without looking at it I can say that in general the dumber the idea the easier time it will have getting patented. this is because the test for a patent is if the thing is new and whether a person in the field would have considered it obvious. if an idea is dumb nobody will have done it before (new), and if it is really dumb you'll have a bunch of experts in the field warning against doing anything like it (which is considered evidence of non-obviousness). there's definitely been a few things I've allowed where I thought "I am doing a public service by allowing this person to prevent others from making this mistake."

# ? Jun 27, 2019 18:43

crazysim: May 23, 2004; I AM SOOOOO GAY

Shame Boy posted:

oh i was able to find the actual patent on the patent office's website, i guess google didn't have it yet. it's PN/10061923 and here's a link that may or may not work: http://patft.uspto.gov/netacgi/nph-...&RS=PN/10061923

i'm not sure why the dude tried to censor the patent on his website - he only posted the first page and really clumsily scribbled out the picture, i guess he thought patents were private and didn't know you could just look them up?

e: ok it has four different "memories" and two of them are ROM's containing operating system software that i guess can never ever be updated which makes this whole thing even more fun

i can see it on google. anyway, here's the link for people who like this UI.

https://patents.google.com/patent/US10061923B1/en?oq=10061923

# ? Jun 27, 2019 18:51

Truga: May 4, 2014; Lipstick Apathy

well this makes all the sense. of course infosec is a garbage fire, everyone's just too cheap to shell out for the ~~unhackable~~ safe and secure computing machine patent license

# ? Jun 27, 2019 18:59

Proteus Jones: Feb 28, 2013

Pile Of Garbage posted:

�UNHACKABLE COMPUTER� which cannot be hacked in any way whatsoever. https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/microsafex/worlds-first-patented-unhackable-computer-ever

LOL

quote:

I read the patent described. It is almost identical to the design of Apple's T2 processor, along with the read-only system partition used in almost every smartphone and trusted platform module since the early 2010s. I wish you luck on your lawsuits, both received and filed.

# ? Jun 27, 2019 21:07

Vomik: Jul 29, 2003; This post is dedicated to the brave Mujahideen fighters of Afghanistan

Shame Boy posted:

oh man on his website he lists the specs:

https://microsafex.com/

they're literally the copy/pasted specs from a macbook, including FaceTime camera and Retina display

what with not being able to find the patent anywhere and this low-effort website i'm getting the feeling this is just an outright take the money and run scam and not a try to make a product and fail miserably scam, which is unfortunate since

seems cheaper to just remove the WiFi from your computer and then use your phone for internet browsing

# ? Jun 27, 2019 22:08

Shame Boy: Mar 2, 2010

Shifty Pony posted:

yeah that's me. unfortunately I am prohibited from commenting on the validity of any particular issued patent.

but without looking at it I can say that in general the dumber the idea the easier time it will have getting patented. this is because the test for a patent is if the thing is new and whether a person in the field would have considered it obvious. if an idea is dumb nobody will have done it before (new), and if it is really dumb you'll have a bunch of experts in the field warning against doing anything like it (which is considered evidence of non-obviousness). there's definitely been a few things I've allowed where I thought "I am doing a public service by allowing this person to prevent others from making this mistake."

ah rats, well thanks for clarifying!

# ? Jun 27, 2019 22:18

Shame Boy: Mar 2, 2010

crazysim posted:

i can see it on google. anyway, here's the link for people who like this UI.

https://patents.google.com/patent/US10061923B1/en?oq=10061923

huh i have no idea why it wasn't coming up for me but i tried all sorts of variations of the number and couldn't get it. weird.

# ? Jun 27, 2019 22:22

Volmarias: Dec 31, 2002; I'm sure I'll think of something.

Shame Boy posted:

huh i have no idea why it wasn't coming up for me but i tried all sorts of variations of the number and couldn't get it. weird.

The search functionality is hot garbage from a casual usage standpoint.

# ? Jun 27, 2019 22:24

ewiley: Jul 9, 2003; More trash for the trash fire

Shame Boy posted:

oh my god there's a poem

i love this stupid loving website

Half of this sounds like bad BDSM, but holy poo poo that's some dedication.

Also this is clearly the next evolution of Halt and Catch fire where rather than chips on both sides! It's laptops on both sides!

# ? Jun 27, 2019 22:34

Bulgakov: Mar 8, 2009; рукописи не горят

neil breen movies finally getting the non functioning laptops they deserve

# ? Jun 27, 2019 22:51

Stymie: Jan 9, 2001; by LITERALLY AN ADMIN

dude's going to end up dead in mysterious circumstances and the project will wind up being "unfinished" officially

# ? Jun 28, 2019 01:29

Deep Dish Fuckfest: Sep 6, 2006; Advanced
Computer Touching; Toilet Rascal

so what's the current least-bad password manager approved by this thread? that supports both windows and android garbage

i just got a second email about odd account activity over the last two weeks from two different sites, so i think it's time to just burn all my passwords and do things properly this time

# ? Jun 28, 2019 03:21

CRIP EATIN BREAD: Jun 24, 2002; Hey stop worrying bout my acting bitch, and worry about your WACK ass music. In the mean time... Eat a hot bowl of Dicks! Ice T; Soiled Meat