Cythereal posted:

Inferno985 posted:

My favorite Marine ever was a most unusual fellow from somewhere in eastern Tennessee who was about 5'1"/105 lbs, balding, had a cleft lip, and strong Appalachian southern accent. His name was McCamus. He loved rap music and patriotic poetry, and would occasionally brand himself "MC Amus" and spit out a rap he claimed was freestyle, but actually the same lyrics every time.

I was a Sgt when he checked into the battalion, and I distinctly remember his Alpha blouse covered in wrinkles, as he had apparently wadded it up in his sea bag during the trip from MOS school to Camp Lejeune. It was too late in the day to have him go fix anything, so the other Sgt in the company office and I told him to go ahead and check in with the 1stSgt, who promptly started screaming obscenities before he could even report.

He would sometimes wake up at 3 or 4 am and brew coffee over an open flame he lit in the grill outside the barracks. It was awful and he didn't strain the grounds. He would then knock on peoples doors asking them if they wanted any.

If he didn't wake up at 3 or 4 to brew coffee, he would sleep in and miss formation/pt/whatever because he would go to bed at 1 or 2 and not set an alarm. Thankfully he was not in my platoon so I didn't have to deal with fixing this stuff.

He would hit on ANY girl, regardless of rank, level of attractiveness, etc. He would use corny pick up lines like "did it hurt..... when you fell from heaven?" Every single girl I know of that he hit on thought it was hilarious; he was so small that not a single one of them ever thought he was creepy.

My company went on a field ex where I ended up sitting ECP duty for our COC the entire time so that the junior guys could get practice in conducting ops. The ex lasted a week, and every single night he would come to the ECP and regale me with his life story, which subsequently changed each time he told it. There were some common elements: someone always died, sometimes it was his dad, sometimes his girlfriend, sometimes his unborn baby after his girlfriend got hit by a bus. His little brother beat him up, his girlfriend got an abortion just to spite him, he joined the Marines Corps to get away from Appalachian hitmen who wanted him dead. I have no idea whether he realized he was telling me different life stories every night.

He was slated for a MEU because he was the only one around to fill a specific MOS line number on the T/O, and managed to deploy despite threatening to kill his SSgt because they had no one else to fill his job (ELINT).

Ultimately he got kicked out of the Marines for taking TS paperwork outside the SCIF. A friend of mine was lucky enough to be on duty when NCIS dissected his room to make sure he didn't have any more. When they went to knock on his door, no one answered. They used the master key to get in, and found him butt naked and asleep on the bathroom floor, having konked out while taking a dump. According to my friend, his room contained over 100 hand made knives consisting of crappily carved handles with cheap blades he took out of folding pocket knives, homemade bow and arrows that barely worked, bottles filled with a urine and semen mix (the rooms in the barracks had their own bathrooms) berries he picked from the forest that he was storing in his clothes drawers, and a $250 bottle of scotch that he wasn't old enough to legally drink. After this event, the same friend told me that McCamus had asked him for advice on how to turn everything around and become a good Marine. This was after something like 4 NJPs and a pending ADSEP, he honestly had no grasp of the fact that he was done at that point.

Inferno985 posted:

I want to say he checked in to 2d Radio Bn sometime in 2008. He was kicked out after I PCS'd, don't know the exact timeline. Most Marine SIGINTers in during that timeframe should know his name, he's still famous even now.

Another one I just remembered, two of my Marines was at the rec center and noticed that McCamus was logged onto one of the computers there. He got up and left without logging out or closing the browser, so naturally my guys went to check out what he had been doing. He was roleplaying as a werewolf on some kind of chat room, so they immediately printed the logs. The chat logs showed an intricate roleplay between him and some other folks involving werewolves, werebears, rabbits, and God knows what else. Naturally, they were sexually explicit. He also was inserting names into the story of other people from our unit who he didn't actually hang out with...I guess he just thought they were cool enough dudes to be characters in his roleplay chat.

Wild T posted:

Was Naruto a thing back then? It kinda looked like that.

Wild T posted:

The only thing Schaeffer liked more than anime, porn, and anime porn was EVE Online. Dude had sunk something like 10 G's into virtual spaceships on A1C pay and spent every minute he could in his room, playing it or moderating some EVE forum on the lovely Bagram circa 2006 internet connection. Every time I read about Goonswarm loving with EVE Online players, I remember Schaeffer and hope they hosed with him the hardest.

CainFortea posted:

Anime started in 2002.

Softface posted:

You never forget your first time in combat. I'll never forget mine.

We were mounted up, people were coming out of their houses to wish us well. Man, we were scared, and we looked it. We thought we had been trained, but you can't train for the real thing. When we started moving out....man, its like we didn't even know how to use our equipment. Suddenly it felt that our uniforms were loose-fitting, our helmets falling over our eyes. Nerves, I guess.

Then it happened. Contact - front. We hadn't even dismounted. People have no idea. They think you'll remember the smell of GSR, the supersonic cracks, poo poo like that. I can't remember a loving thing about any of that poo poo, its a blur. What sticks with you though, what sticks with you 100 percent is what your comrades are saying, when they're hit, when they're fighting, when they're scared.

I'll never forget the words "What is wrong with you Abu Hajar!?!" being roared at me by my panicking comrades.

War is hell, kiddos.

Autistic Edgy Guy posted:

my brother's been out for a bit and got some orders "to muster"

mustering sounds idiotic

Davethulhu posted:

In the blasted, road-warrior future that awaits us, the smart money is on "decorative skull".

quote:

Kandahar Poo Pond stories are always fun.

I'm pretty sure I've mentioned Hall in this thread before. The weird, West Virginia-raised, pedophile autist comm SrA who smelled like moldy garbage and whose voice sounded like... Well, like a retarded chimo from WV. Anyway, Hall ended up on night shift in the TOC they stuck me in at KAF. One day after my shift I had to run a message to Hall about an upcoming change to the hours.

His building was nearly adjacent to the poo pond with an uninterrupted view, doors facing straight toward it so that everyone living there got to see it first thing every morning when they stepped outside. I go in and find Hall's room, open the door and get sucker punched by the combined reek of three months old pizza boxes, rotten DFAC food and the unmistakable odor of a generally stinky rear end in a top hat. It actually blew my mind that I was standing only a few dozen yards away from thousands of gallons of raw human sewage and this grown adult's room actually smelled way worse than it did outside.

MizPiz posted:

https://twitter.com/tybuddhaboy/status/1157717821989765120?s=19

Doc Hawkins posted:

a post in the other-other idiots thread reminded me of this one

A Bad Poster posted:

As hilarious as this is to know about her, and as much as I hate Dick Cheney, I'm not going to begrudge anyone on figuring out a way to get out of going to Vietnam, even if it is a bit classist. If I were facing down being drafted I'd fight tooth and nail not to get gang pressed into service.

Icon Of Sin posted:

Moron #3: a bn XO gets caught putting porn on SIPRNet. Not just “someone found it, and traced it back to where it came from”, but “got caught watching it and beating off in his office by his commander”. This was in Afghanistan, and he was relieved ( ) on the spot.

Guest2553 posted:

TS/SI/NOPORN

Guest2553 posted:

TS/SI/NOPORN

Icon Of Sin posted:

Moron #3: a bn XO gets caught putting porn on SIPRNet. Not just “someone found it, and traced it back to where it came from”, but “got caught watching it and beating off in his office by his commander”. This was in Afghanistan, and he was relieved ( ) on the spot.

Scratch Monkey posted:

Did they let him finish?

Guest2553 posted:

TS/SI/NOPORN