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psiox
Oct 15, 2001

Babylon 5 Street Team

Jonny 290 posted:

im 42 and like 87.2% of my entire existence is load-bearing coping mechanisms to cover up poo poo but the alternative is laying all that stuff bare and now i got fired bc im 'unstable' and none of my friends talk to me bc im 'sketchy' and a 'doomer'

oh jeez, sorry re: job

but sad lomarf at everything largely being coping mechanisms these days. good time to be a therapist and basically have infinite work

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Jonny 290
May 5, 2005




[ASK] me about OS/2 Warp


oh no to be clear, i still have my extremely well paying job where i only have to work 7 hours a week. but if i was honest with them about where my brain was at, legal and the risk assessment task force would absolutely say i am to be culled

mediaphage
Mar 22, 2007

Excuse me, pardon me, sheer perfection coming through


Jonny 290 posted:

im 42 and like 87.2% of my entire existence is load-bearing coping mechanisms to cover up poo poo but the alternative is laying all that stuff bare and now i got fired bc im 'unstable' and none of my friends talk to me bc im 'sketchy' and a 'doomer'

no the alternative is therapy which you refuse to try because youíre too proud and/or scared that it will make you want to live for forty more years

psiox
Oct 15, 2001

Babylon 5 Street Team

Jonny 290 posted:

oh no to be clear, i still have my extremely well paying job where i only have to work 7 hours a week. but if i was honest with them about where my brain was at, legal and the risk assessment task force would absolutely say i am to be culled

oh whew okay disregard my recruiting message lol

but yes my Worksona is incredibly positive and not the hardcore anticapitalist i actually am

Ellie Trashcakes
Jan 31, 2008

hoot 🦉🦉 hoot bitches 😝



Jonny 290 posted:

im 42 and like 87.2% of my entire existence is load-bearing coping mechanisms to cover up poo poo but the alternative is laying all that stuff bare and now i got fired bc im 'unstable' and none of my friends talk to me bc im 'sketchy' and a 'doomer'
The alternative is a long slow slog of progress and regression and allowing the old emotional responses to fade while healthier responses build to replace them.

Jonny, I love you, you're a good'n, but you are 100% a doomer.

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004



Jonny 290 posted:

oh no to be clear, i still have my extremely well paying job where i only have to work 7 hours a week. but if i was honest with them about where my brain was at, legal and the risk assessment task force would absolutely say i am to be culled

feel ya on this. my income is far too important to let the reality of my existence affect it

Jonny 290
May 5, 2005




[ASK] me about OS/2 Warp


my response to that is always the same

to the rich white cis straight people having babby and buying house in techland, you're fine, because you would have been fine anyways

its the folks right on the margins that got hosed over the past 20 years and you're looking in real time at the dearth of fast food workers / army privates / chicken plant workers that resulted from that. the key wasn't to keep the birth rate up for people that would have circular driveways and au pairs. the key was to keep the birth rate up for people that bring home a 20 piece for friday dinner, and in that they failed. now the establishment is panicking b/c they dont have fastfood laborers and raw beef for the army meatgrinder

Jonny 290
May 5, 2005




[ASK] me about OS/2 Warp


sorry i 301'd to hellworld there, shutting up now

Ellie Trashcakes
Jan 31, 2008

hoot 🦉🦉 hoot bitches 😝



echinopsis posted:

feel ya on this. my income is far too important to let the reality of my existence affect it
Then do what you can to change that reality because let me tell without the barest hint of qualification or uncertainty: it already is

You're not protecting yourself something worse, you're denying yourself something better. Sometimes you have to rebreak a bone when it didn't heal right the first time.

mediaphage
Mar 22, 2007

Excuse me, pardon me, sheer perfection coming through


Jonny 290 posted:

sorry i 301'd to hellworld there, shutting up now

itís okay forgetting where you are is appropriate for this thread

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004



Ellie Trashcakes posted:

Then do what you can to change that reality because let me tell without the barest hint of qualification or uncertainty: it already is

You're not protecting yourself something worse, you're denying yourself something better. Sometimes you have to rebreak a bone when it didn't heal right the first time.

yeah for sure, but you might need to break that bone in private.

tbh things are ok kinda. a key is staying out of drama and living my own life, not allowing others to dictate what is acceptable. embrace who I am, but maintain the wisdom to know you probably shouldnít share it.


I love this place but I gotta stay surface level, life tends to spiral up or down and itís too easy for e-drama to contribute to a downward spiral.

mediaphage
Mar 22, 2007

Excuse me, pardon me, sheer perfection coming through


unless you like to gently caress kids actually you should share who you are with some people

in fact this is probably part of the issue

MononcQc
May 29, 2007

"I believe I did, Bob."



opening up and learning to accept and live with and deal with the grief and anxiety and allow weakness of all sorts is a really good thing and I am glad I started going to therapy a few years ago. Defensive mechanisms I gave myself while growing up to deal with the world have apparently been very effective at walling myself off of a lot of poo poo, and it's like I'm slowly adding a full dimension to my existence.

Lots of things are still weird and difficult and not going well all the time, but I sure feel like I'm at peace with a lot more stuff and I've gotten infinitely better at listening at all sorts of subtle early signals in my own thoughts that let me know when I'm not feeling great and to take better care of myself.

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004



mediaphage posted:

unless you like to gently caress kids actually you should share who you are with some people

in fact this is probably part of the issue

idk shits been way better for me since I stopped sharing and being involved so much

EIDE Van Hagar
Dec 8, 2000

Beep Boop

SYSV Fanfic posted:

I had to start scheduling blood work late in the day. I'd grab a handful of crackers or something between one of my four overnight bathroom trips and realize it after I got back in bed.

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004



lmao

EIDE Van Hagar
Dec 8, 2000

Beep Boop

psiox posted:

oh whew okay disregard my recruiting message lol

but yes my Worksona is incredibly positive and not the hardcore anticapitalist i actually am

i think most people hide most of their brain problems from most people.

work person is an extreme case because the window of acceptable behavior in a white collar office job is very very narrow.

EIDE Van Hagar
Dec 8, 2000

Beep Boop

why did i come into this thread again? was it to find my keys?

are my keys in here somewhere? anyone seen my keys?

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004



hide your personality to the extreme

I mean that is, if youíre undesirable in your natural state, like me. I suppose itís possible that there are people who live acceptable lives and donít have to hide anything about themselves but I donít really understand it

Pittsburgh Fentanyl Cloud
Apr 7, 2003
Probation
Can't post for 14 minutes!


echinopsis posted:

hide your personality to the extreme

I mean that is, if youíre undesirable in your natural state, like me. I suppose itís possible that there are people who live acceptable lives and donít have to hide anything about themselves but I donít really understand it

I'm very cool and love to express my personality to everyone.

Progressive JPEG
Feb 19, 2003



EIDE Van Hagar posted:

why did i come into this thread again? was it to find my keys?

are my keys in here somewhere? anyone seen my keys?

Ellie Trashcakes
Jan 31, 2008

hoot 🦉🦉 hoot bitches 😝



EIDE Van Hagar posted:

why did i come into this thread again? was it to find my keys?

are my keys in here somewhere? anyone seen my keys?

Trig Discipline
Jun 3, 2008

Please leave the room if you think this might offend you.


Grimey Drawer


skeedop
badap
butthole

axolotl farmer
May 17, 2007

Now I'm going to sing the Perry Mason theme


ps. I will find my keys.

Love, Terry

MononcQc
May 29, 2007

"I believe I did, Bob."



echinopsis posted:

hide your personality to the extreme

I mean that is, if youíre undesirable in your natural state, like me. I suppose itís possible that there are people who live acceptable lives and donít have to hide anything about themselves but I donít really understand it

a therapist is someone you pay to listen to you opening your personality up and they are forbidden from sharing it to others, plus they help you work on it, and have no expectation of reciprocity.

if you have the money and are feeling you canít open up, theyíre quite literally the best way money can buy to go about it.

mediaphage
Mar 22, 2007

Excuse me, pardon me, sheer perfection coming through


MononcQc posted:

a therapist is someone you pay to listen to you opening your personality up and they are forbidden from sharing it to others, plus they help you work on it, and have no expectation of reciprocity.

if you have the money and are feeling you canít open up, theyíre quite literally the best way money can buy to go about it.

we literally tell him this like every week and its just

"no no my life is better actually now that i'm even more disconnected from everyone"

fwiw too it might take some work to find someone you gel with.

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004



no just disconnected from here (or people at work)

for example the people Iíve met doing photography stuff I feel like I can be more like just myself



e: fwiw what I use as a gauge if things are good or not are things like: do I wish I was dead all the time? do I look forward to the future? do I feel like my future is bright? do I want to work on my health and get healthier and fitter and improve my diabetes rather than accelerate my death? and the answer to all of those questions is positive so .. whatís the problem ?

echinopsis fucked around with this message at 20:01 on Jan 16, 2022

mediaphage
Mar 22, 2007

Excuse me, pardon me, sheer perfection coming through


i mean i think thatís great but usually you just complain about how bad things are a lot of the time. and i donít think you shouldnít complain, you just shouldnít get defensive when people point out obvious strategies that are probably helpful.

for the record as far as i can tell the only time you get pushback here is when you post porn or naively repeat alt-right talking points, otherwise people generally enjoy your posts. i do. i donít think either of these things are core facets of your personality, you just get upset when people call them out.

SYSV Fanfic
Sep 9, 2003


Echinopsis is part of a different culture with different norms.

ultravoices
May 10, 2004

You are about to embark on a great journey. Are you ready, my friend?


i encourage people to get therapy because then someone is being paid to deal with their poo poo, rather than it being volunteer work.

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004



mediaphage posted:

i mean i think thatís great but usually you just complain about how bad things are a lot of the time. and i donít think you shouldnít complain, you just shouldnít get defensive when people point out obvious strategies that are probably helpful.

you might be right. therapy is like.. hard and expensive though. not saying itís not worth it but that barrier of entry is what stops me, and then everything is ok for a bit and iím like why would I need therapy

quote:

otherwise people generally enjoy your posts. i do.

thatís good to hear thanks. I generally do what I can to add to the community here. but yes gotta keep in mind what you can and shouldnít talk about here

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004



SYSV Fanfic posted:

Echinopsis is part of a different culture with different norms.

iím wearing a headband and my dad told me to take it off because it was gay. unfortunately there are too many similarities lmao

Pittsburgh Fentanyl Cloud
Apr 7, 2003
Probation
Can't post for 14 minutes!


MononcQc
May 29, 2007

"I believe I did, Bob."



echinopsis posted:

you might be right. therapy is like.. hard and expensive though. not saying itís not worth it but that barrier of entry is what stops me, and then everything is ok for a bit and iím like why would I need therapy

So cost is an obvious barrier, but the other thing I'd say is that at some point, you my find it hard to cope with things even without therapy. I can't speak to your situation and I can only mention mine so you can read whatever you want into it, maybe it can be useful to illustrate my point, and maybe it won't apply at all. But essentially I had always figured out the way I dealt with my emotions was not "normal" (mostly not living them, whether negative [sad, angry] or positive) and I had a strong focus on dissecting things until they were rational and could be reasoned away.

I was quite happy with this, I was (still am) in a stable relationship, with a good job, doing well for myself and all. We tried adopting a dog, it didn't go well at all, both for myself and my SO, and we ended up breaking down and returning the dog before it got too attached to us because we just couldn't deal with the whole situation.

I didn't fully understand the strength with which I reacted to things, it felt like a total loss of control. I decided to find a therapist to understand things because I couldn't make sense of it. In the meanwhile, I ended up switching jobs, taking a month off, but was still busy organizing my city's first tech conference. At some point my mom was just talking to me in the driveway and said "you look tired" and I just broke down crying without even understanding what the hell was going on.

Long story short, I found out I was nearly burning out without knowing about it because I would not listen to that part of myself. The overall takeaway is that the clichť about bottling things up and accumulating them is definitely a real thing for me, and it's not just a question of evacuating it all and moving on, but of rebuilding the way I live my experiences. And finding out how a lot of these patterns around emotions can be as simple as clumsy defence mechanism picked up when I was 12 or so, and have no reason to still be used as an adult with what I know now, but they're deeply rooted and requires effort to change what is now a reflex.

You can think of being physically healthy as exercising often enough, eating well, and probably not being in pain all the time. In my case, I had defined the idea of mental health mostly around not having the pain (and feeling engaged/interested in activities), but I essentially had no healthy routine about any emotional activity, and going to therapy gave that time and space for it.

Anyway, my point is that yes therapy can be hard, but it's very possible the way you're living right now is also difficult to cope with, and it's just not obvious because you're stuck in it. poo poo will keep being hard, but it will be a different kind of hard, with different tools and outlooks.

MononcQc
May 29, 2007

"I believe I did, Bob."



anyway in terms of old posts, my right sartorius keeps acting up and I have pain sitting or walking. Mostly okay standing or laying down, which uh, alright then I guess.

ultravoices
May 10, 2004

You are about to embark on a great journey. Are you ready, my friend?


MononcQc posted:

anyway in terms of old posts, my right sartorius keeps acting up and I have pain sitting or walking. Mostly okay standing or laying down, which uh, alright then I guess.

foam rollers or tennis balls

MononcQc
May 29, 2007

"I believe I did, Bob."



ultravoices posted:

foam rollers or tennis balls

I'm doing stretches and trying to be more active, mostly. Once the current covid wave dies down I'm heading to a physiotherapist.

graph
Nov 22, 2006

aaag peanuts



idk how i hurt my thumb but i hurt it like 2 weeks ago and i keep re-hurting it so guess my thumbs just gonna hurt for a while i guess

fart simpson
Jul 2, 2005





kinda messed up that we produce this natural wonder medicine right inside us and instead of using it to cure disease, our body literally just pisses it away. what was god thinking

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Achmed Jones
Oct 16, 2004





fart simpson posted:

what was god thinking

"mmmmm, piss" probably

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