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There's another joke that gets suggested where a German, an American, and a Japanese person are golfing together. The German or the American closes his eyes, and then says that he was reading an email through implants in his eyelids. Then the American or the German puts his thumb in his ear and talks into his little finger, and says he was taking a call through the phone implanted in his hands. Then the Japanese guy squats down and says he's getting a fax. When each of them do this is usually described by what hole they're on, so it would fit Vernon's movie line "So, when we arrive at the ninth hole..." On the other hand, Rowling does like to put veiled sex jokes in her children's writing, and seems to have a narrow definition of what counts of sexual assault. Mind controlling someone into being attracted to you is just a kind of underhanded thing to do, apparently. E: Yeah, basically this: Edgar Allen Ho posted:At this point, it's extremely fair to just assume the worst interpretation of JK writing. She is a terrible bigot!
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Apr 12, 2022 03:56
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JethroMcB posted:
Did I miss something in 2? (Probably quite a lot; it was loud and incoherent and annoying.) Was there any clue that he was actually a brother or a nephew or anything other than some random Dumbledore second cousin once removed or whatever? Vaguely related, why does anyone never think of checking with Muggles? (j/k JK I know why not.) "Who am I?" "Well Muggles keep these things called passenger lists so all we need to do is get the one from the ship you were on, read it to find out how many other babies were there then cast jeremykylius on their relatives to find out which one was you." Newt needs a trip to Paris? Get a lift from some East Anglian with a sailing boat rather than some overcharging Portkey smuggler who'll probably shop you for a few extra galleons anyway. Etc.
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Apr 12, 2022 15:09
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Runcible Cat posted:Newt needs a trip to Paris? Get a lift from some East Anglian with a sailing boat rather than some overcharging Portkey smuggler who'll probably shop you for a few extra galleons anyway. Etc. I was rewatching the Jenny Nicholson video on FB2 the other day in anticipation of hot takes on the new movie, and she mentioned the fact that Newt is basically put on a "no travel" list which then never comes up again at all. It would have been an actually insanely clever thing to tie Jacob in here and why his presence is important: while the wizards are running through the various wizarding travel methods (e.g. "they'll have someone watching the Floo Network and put extra constraints on port keys" etc) you could have Jacob chime in with "why don't we just charter a boat?" or whatever. You get in a great joke about how the wizards are so oblivious/unconcerned with muggle life that they completely overlook basic poo poo like "this person took a boat somewhere instead of some stupid magic nonsense" and Jacob gets to be a practical addition. You could even have it being a running thing where they are constantly underestimating Jacob and ignoring muggle poo poo that then turns out to save them/thwart the overconfident baddies. Christ, if Joanne was a halfway competent writer she could so easily catch this stuff and make it great but I'm sure the thought process was as simple as "well we need to make it seem like there is some tension/stakes here and not an entire scene of a character saying 'you need to go to France' so we need to add in some flavor about travel bans and being watched" but without bothering to pay this poo poo off, cause it was just extra color for an expository scene. What loving hackery.
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Apr 12, 2022 15:33
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Muggles aren’t allowed to be competent, only the butt of jokes.
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Apr 12, 2022 15:35
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Runcible Cat posted:Did I miss something in 2? (Probably quite a lot; it was loud and incoherent and annoying.) Was there any clue that he was actually a brother or a nephew or anything other than some random Dumbledore second cousin once removed or whatever? I believe Grindlewald reveals it to him in the final scene of the movie. It's really amusing that it turns out to be not true, it's like she really wanted a big reveal in movie 3 but shot her load in movie 2, so she just retconned that and expected it to have the same impact.
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Apr 12, 2022 15:39
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-You’re a Dumbledore. -‘kay. *blows up mountain* Fin. See, writing movies is easy you guys! Now where’s my Twitter phone…
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Apr 12, 2022 16:09
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You can literally see the White Cliffs of Dover from Picardy on a good day. I've seen them. They are right the gently caress there. Here's a stock photo  It's a bit incredible how JK managed to gently caress up twice on writing France. And transit to France. And then also the US. The two countries you would expect the british wizard writer lady to know the best of all.
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Apr 12, 2022 16:09
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Still thinking about how they straight up replaced a main character, who has numerous personal reasons to be involved in the plot, because the actor said that Rowling is wrong about trans women. Just total bullshit and WB should be getting dragged across coals for such a decision.
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Apr 12, 2022 16:18
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I wonder what they called the Japanese magic school in Japanese translations of Goblet of Fire. Did they just phonetically spell out the English phrase "Magic School" in Japanese characters?
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Apr 12, 2022 16:21
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ONE YEAR LATER posted:Still thinking about how they straight up replaced a main character, who has numerous personal reasons to be involved in the plot, because the actor said that Rowling is wrong about trans women. Just total bullshit and WB should be getting dragged across coals for such a decision. But of course Eddie "People Saying Negative Things About Rowling Is Disgusting And The Real Hate Speech" Redmayne won't be written out. Skwirl posted:I wonder what they called the Japanese magic school in Japanese translations of Goblet of Fire. Did they just phonetically spell out the English phrase "Magic School" in Japanese characters? They don't call it anything, because it's not in Goblet of Fire. Beauxbatons and Durmstrang are the only other schools mentioned in the books at all; everything else, including Ilvermorny, is from Pottermore.
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Apr 12, 2022 16:45
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ONE YEAR LATER posted:Still thinking about how they straight up replaced a main character, who has numerous personal reasons to be involved in the plot, because the actor said that Rowling is wrong about trans women. Just total bullshit and WB should be getting dragged across coals for such a decision. Wait, when was this?
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Apr 12, 2022 16:47
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Katherine Waterson, who plays Tina. She does show up in one scene at the very end but otherwise her character is busy with a job more important to her than saving the world, I guess.
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Apr 12, 2022 16:51
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Why would she get involved, it's not like she was almost killed by Clark Griswald in the first movie, or her fiance was tasked with getting the magic mcguffin by Dumbledore and her sister joined the evil wizards in the second movie, very low stakes for the character.
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Apr 12, 2022 17:21
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Rotten Red Rod posted:a job more important to her than saving the world, I guess. Tbf doesn’t this also apply to virtually every character in the original books who is old enough to have a job? Assuming they didn’t whole-heartedly side with Voldemort in the first place.
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Apr 12, 2022 17:22
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Grundulum posted:Tbf doesn’t this also apply to virtually every character in the original books who is old enough to have a job? Assuming they didn’t whole-heartedly side with Voldemort in the first place. But this is a character featured prominently in the first two movies (I think? I haven't actually seen them). Like when they sidelined Kelly Marie Tran in Rise of Skywalker in response to the insanely racist internet hatred of her (although that one could just be JJ Abrams had no idea what to do with her and he was both under intense deadlines and not that great of a writer to begin with).
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Apr 12, 2022 17:30
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Skwirl posted:But this is a character featured prominently in the first two movies (I think? I haven't actually seen them). Like when they sidelined Kelly Marie Tran in Rise of Skywalker in response to the insanely racist internet hatred of her (although that one could just be JJ Abrams had no idea what to do with her and he was both under intense deadlines and not that great of a writer to begin with). I mean from all I heard of RoS they had no idea to do with literally anyone.
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Apr 12, 2022 17:41
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Oh for gently caress's sake https://twitter.com/Variety/status/1513900246333591552?s=20&t=rHmmIXJ-DGd-GqHADzs_mA
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Apr 12, 2022 17:53
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Skwirl posted:Oh for gently caress's sake I was going to make a "crystal ball" or "divination" joke here but really all you need is a Magic 8 Ball to know: "Outlook Not So Good"
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Apr 12, 2022 18:00
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The actor for Tina also got covid during filming iirc, so it's not a total write-out. She is a major character though. She is a US wizard cop who got put on suspension, kept wizard copping just as a hobby, hauled in Newt for a death sentence because he didn't register his wand at Ellis Island, got sentenced to death herself, then at the end of the first movie got happily reinstated as an official wizard cop by the same people who were about to kill her three scenes ago. This isn't my exaggerations this all happens in the first movie. Tina the character suckssssssssss e: her plot in movie 2 is storming off on an international stealth mission to Paris, because Newt Scamander used to be romantically involved with a baby-murderer who is now engaged to his brother. Newt takes 2 hours to just loving say "no my brother loves that girl, I am into you." It's a romance between two of the most unlikeable dipshits in film, with a backdrop of "nazis? shoah? dubya dubya 2?" Who among us can say if this is good or bad? Edgar Allen Ho fucked around with this message at 18:11 on Apr 12, 2022 |
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Apr 12, 2022 18:02
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Fantastic Beasts getting its rear end kicked by Sonic 2 in the box office would just make my year
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Apr 12, 2022 18:02
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there are exactly 6 gay seconds in this movie https://twitter.com/IndieWire/status/1513904775905124357 quote:A reference to a gay relationship between Dumbledore (Jude Law) and close childhood friend-turned-lover Grindelwald (Mads Mikkelsen) has been cut from the Chinese release of “Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore.” Variety confirmed the edits with Warner Bros., the distributor behind the film, who stands by the minor edits, which involved cutting six seconds of dialogue. Piell fucked around with this message at 18:29 on Apr 12, 2022 |
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Apr 12, 2022 18:16
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this mf said "fantastic beasts 5"
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Apr 12, 2022 18:22
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Edgar Allen Ho posted:You can literally see the White Cliffs of Dover from Picardy on a good day. I've seen them. They are right the gently caress there. Here's a stock photo edit: i mean 
Toplowtech fucked around with this message at 18:28 on Apr 12, 2022 |
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Apr 12, 2022 18:25
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Lol and everyone expected there to be a kiss in the movie, but instead they just mention it once Is the movie even going to get released in China? Hasn't China essentially closed itself off from everything but Chinese releases for the last few years, or did that stop? Edit: oh it looks like they only get 34 foreign movies a year, and WB gets more of those slots than anyone else (6 in 2021). And Chinese entities get the lion's share of the profit. Rotten Red Rod fucked around with this message at 18:30 on Apr 12, 2022 |
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Apr 12, 2022 18:26
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Rotten Red Rod posted:Fantastic Beasts getting its rear end kicked by Sonic 2 in the box office would just make my year Oh gently caress, you're right. Now I have to watch Sonic 2.
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Apr 12, 2022 18:48
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Piell posted:there are exactly 6 gay seconds in this movie Holy poo poo, that's about as much gay content as Endgame had and everyone rightfully made fun of them bragging about that. Rotten Red Rod posted:Lol and everyone expected there to be a kiss in the movie, but instead they just mention it once If they got the first two I'm sure they'll get this one. If they didn't there's no way they'd get this one.
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Apr 12, 2022 18:50
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Skwirl posted:But this is a character featured prominently in the first two movies (I think? I haven't actually seen them). Like when they sidelined Kelly Marie Tran in Rise of Skywalker in response to the insanely racist internet hatred of her (although that one could just be JJ Abrams had no idea what to do with her and he was both under intense deadlines and not that great of a writer to begin with). Apparently it was because they needed someone to interact with undead Carrie Fisher. Rose was deemed important enough to be that character, but disposable enough that it wouldn't impact things too much if the tech didn't work out and they had to cut scenes. The Last Jedi hadn't even come out yet when Abrams had to pitch his version of the movie to Disney.
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Apr 12, 2022 18:53
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ONE YEAR LATER posted:Why would she get involved, it's not like she was almost killed by Clark Griswald in the first movie, or her fiance was tasked with getting the magic mcguffin by Dumbledore and her sister joined the evil wizards in the second movie, very low stakes for the character. Tbf this is basically the case with the entire cast of the first movie. Why does zookeeper Newt get recruited by Dumbledore in FB2? Because he had previously met Credence once? Why does Jacob the muggle baker get recruited in FB3 instead of having his memory wiped and sent home? The issue is the series started super weirdly as a story about a zookeeper having an adventure in America that happened to intersect with Wizard Hitler 1 but then they decided to make it about the battle against that guy and the main cast of kooky characters just stuck around through momentum/laziness. Again, a better writer could have used the events of the first movie as a motivator for all of these characters but instead they are just doing the most important poo poo because they are the main characters, there's no organic progression from "we had a run in with this guy" to "now we are the main force fighting him" it just happens.
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Apr 12, 2022 19:01
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Apparently what happened is someone had the idea to make a documentary-style movie about Newt, and JK Rowling stepped in and totally overhauled the whole project. What's unsaid is she clearly has no interest in the Fantastic Beasts part (or at least lost interest after movie 1) and viewed it as vehicle to tell the Dumbledore story she's clearly much more interested in.
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Apr 12, 2022 19:39
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Rotten Red Rod posted:Apparently what happened is someone had the idea to make a documentary-style movie about Newt, and JK Rowling stepped in and totally overhauled the whole project. What's unsaid is she clearly has no interest in the Fantastic Beasts part (or at least lost interest after movie 1) and viewed it as vehicle to tell the Dumbledore story she's clearly much more interested in. See that original idea is something I'd be interested in, like a Planet Earth but for fantasy creatures. gently caress, it'd probably be as popular as Planet Earth among college students super high and muting it while playing Sigur Ros was when I was a college student.
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Apr 12, 2022 19:42
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Yeah and the weird part is she could have just done BOTH. Make the documentary, and then also make a "Saga of Dumbledore" series. She's a billionaire, she can loving sell that to WB! But for some reason THIS is what she chose to do. And there's supposed to be TWO more of these. Ugh. Rotten Red Rod fucked around with this message at 19:48 on Apr 12, 2022 |
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Apr 12, 2022 19:46
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Rotten Red Rod posted:I believe Grindlewald reveals it to him in the final scene of the movie. He tells him his name is Aurelius Dumbledore, phoenix shows up, he blows a chunk off a mountain. As far as I can remember there's been no previous mention of a missing Dumbledore baby and we're not given any idea of how he's related to the other Dumbledores; son? Nephew? Second cousin once removed? One of the embarrassing inbred village Dumbledores the rest of the family pretends don't exist? We're obviously all supposed to wet our knickers over the reveal that he's ~eeeee A DUMBLEDORE~, but big whoop, who cares, it's essentially meaningless anyway. Just more of this weird fascistic obsession with ~bloodlines~. Guy A. Person posted:I was rewatching the Jenny Nicholson video on FB2 the other day in anticipation of hot takes on the new movie, and she mentioned the fact that Newt is basically put on a "no travel" list which then never comes up again at all. It would have been an actually insanely clever thing to tie Jacob in here and why his presence is important: while the wizards are running through the various wizarding travel methods (e.g. "they'll have someone watching the Floo Network and put extra constraints on port keys" etc) you could have Jacob chime in with "why don't we just charter a boat?" or whatever. Yeah! This! The movies could be salvageable if someone halfway sane and competent had got a go at the scripts, but: Rotten Red Rod posted:Apparently what happened is someone had the idea to make a documentary-style movie about Newt, and JK Rowling stepped in and totally overhauled the whole project. What's unsaid is she clearly has no interest in the Fantastic Beasts part (or at least lost interest after movie 1) and viewed it as vehicle to tell the Dumbledore story she's clearly much more interested in. It's actually kind of funny watching her try and shoehorn magic animals in at plot points to justify the title, though it doesn't make up for the scary oblivious fascism apologia etc.
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Apr 12, 2022 19:51
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Runcible Cat posted:He tells him his name is Aurelius Dumbledore, phoenix shows up, he blows a chunk off a mountain. As far as I can remember there's been no previous mention of a missing Dumbledore baby and we're not given any idea of how he's related to the other Dumbledores; son? Nephew? Second cousin once removed? One of the embarrassing inbred village Dumbledores the rest of the family pretends don't exist? We're obviously all supposed to wet our knickers over the reveal that he's ~eeeee A DUMBLEDORE~, but big whoop, who cares, it's essentially meaningless anyway. Just more of this weird fascistic obsession with ~bloodlines~. It's probably due to Johnny Depp's whispercore acting but he does explicitly say "your own brother seeks to destroy you".
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Apr 12, 2022 19:59
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Rotten Red Rod posted:It's probably due to Johnny Depp's whispercore acting but he does explicitly say "your own brother seeks to destroy you". Ah right, I missed that, thanks. Not that it mattered thanks to the retcon oh god how is she so bad at this?
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Apr 12, 2022 20:13
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It's been shown you can cross from England to France in a pickup truck with an outboard motor bolted on the back.
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Apr 12, 2022 20:26
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Do the plots of the second and third movies even have anything to do with finding fantastic beasts E: oh, of course they aren't lmao Improbable Lobster fucked around with this message at 20:58 on Apr 12, 2022 |
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Apr 12, 2022 20:40
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Improbable Lobster posted:Do the plots of the second and third movies even have anything to do with finding fantastic beasts #2 lol nope #3 has the magic electoral deer
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Apr 12, 2022 20:43
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she should have named every movie after a different textbook
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Apr 12, 2022 20:45
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YaketySass posted:she should have named every movie after a different Gilderoy Lockhart textbook
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Apr 12, 2022 20:47
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Rotten Red Rod posted:#2 lol nope Hey, c'mon, we found out that a Magical Beast we already knew from the original series about turned out to be an Asian Woman.
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Apr 12, 2022 20:48
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